Probationary Friendship
I rubbed my eyes and didn't bother holding back my yawn as I leaned over the oaken wood counter in the hopes that the smell of pork broth might rouse me from my current state of exhaustion.
Last night was very active - maybe a little too much even for my thrill seeking taste.
Granted, I considered taking down a major Teeth drug den with the aid of Flechette's bolts and Valve's steam powered drones to be an excellent use of my team's time, but the crash that came after the adrenaline rush was more debilitating than I wanted to admit.
The cape fight that I got dragged into against Vex and Hemorrhagia certainly added to my current state of drowsiness.
I yawned again. I probably should have listened to Lily and slept in today, but I really wanted to try out this new ramen bar that a lot of the indie capes in Boston wouldn't stop raving about on PHO and the restaurant was only open for a limited amount of time a day so if I ever wanted a bowl it might as well be now.
I think the owner was some sort of Michelin star chef from Okinawa who retired and decided to open the restaurant as some sort of hobby? I'm hardly a foodie but the line outside was already pretty big (but service was quick so waiting time was minimal) and it was only 11 AM so I guess he must be doing something right.
My cell phone began playing the Exorcist theme and an entire suite of emotions rushed through me.
Breathe.
I specifically made it so that the musical cue only played for one particular number on my contact list.
I continued taking deliberate breaths.
Glancing at my messages on my phone, I saw a simple text message.
Red: I'm here.
I glanced around and shortly saw distinct red hair blowing in the wind outside the ramen bar's large window.
Every time this happens, my fight-or-flight response becomes shorter and less intense. Nowadays, it's barely noticeable.
Even after all this time, I had to admit that Emma was still gorgeous. No longer a teenager, her natural beauty only matured with age and she looked every bit the fashion model that she deserved to be. Her makeup was immaculate and her new shearling winter coat matched her blue eyes perfectly.
Just a few short years ago, her visage filled me with nothing but cold indifference tainted with an extra helping of indignant rage. But now? I felt a strange combination of cautious wariness and…maybe a measure of hope?
She let out a small, hesitant smile and waved at me. I waved back but with muted enthusiasm. She nodded and leaned against the brick wall next to the ramen bar to wait for Connie to arrive.
She didn't enter the bar. She didn't dare.
When I finally decided, against my better judgement, to give Emma one more chance at redemption after all her pleading, I quickly made a list of non-negotiable rules that Emma would have to follow if she was serious about cleaning up the wreckage of our previous friendship.
First one on the list? I didn't want to be alone with her. Not for a long while. Maybe not ever.
To her credit, Emma didn't object even though I could tell the command privately dismayed her. If anything, she went beyond the rule I made by going out of her way to bond with Lily and Connie and even my dad so that her new position as the team's occasional third wheel whenever we were off the job was as seamless as possible.
Emma always was good with crowds and I did feel a little resentment for how quickly Connie and Lily seemed to accept Emma's presence in their lives. Connie's strange acceptance particularly surprised me because I was sure Emma wouldn't be able to crack our Tinker's hard shell.
But my resentment was only minimal because Emma seemed terrified at the thought that I might think she was doing her old social engineering bullshit to try to isolate me again.
She waited for the three of us to meet at a local tavern owned by Connie's uncle before frankly telling us what she did to me back in Winslow and almost begged Lily and Connie to tell her to fuck off if they thought she was restarting old habits.
It was one of the weirdest team meetings in my life. Emma was crying and used up an entire pile of napkins due to nasal congestion, Lily was her usual sweetheart self and comforted her, and Connie got super drunk. I never wanted to repeat that experience if I could help it.
The mead was pretty good though, two thumbs up.
Emma was way more honest about…everything than I was used to. Maybe too honest. Sometimes I wished she would just shut up about Winslow because I
really didn't like thinking about that time in my life.
But compared to before, I very much appreciated this new candor of hers.
If Emma had been more honest from the start and just told me what happened to her in the alley while I was at summer camp, then my life would probably be very different right now. At least, I like to think so.
But then again, what do I know? Sometimes it's almost like my life was cursed during my teenage years. Most likely some other tragedy would have happened to me and I would have triggered to get bug control powers or something similar. Who the hell knows.
The sound of a train whistle came out of my phone and I made a sardonic grin. Valve's college lecture was over and she finally arrived at the bar which was close by to her campus.
Connie, wearing a thick brown jacket and tool themed beanie entered the bar and rubbed her hands together to warm them up. Emma quietly followed closely behind her.
I already put my own jacket and backpack on the two stools on either side of me to reserve them.
"Thanks T. You didn't wait too long I hope?" Connie chirped at me as she gave me a short side hug.
I earnestly hugged her back. "It wasn't a problem, I've only been here a few minutes." Connie sat down at my right side and quickly snatched a nearby menu to look at the ramen options.
Now to deal with the elephant in the room.
Emma stood awkwardly by with her arms fidgeting in front of her as her eyes shifted about in uncertainty.
It was obvious that she also wanted to hug me, but she wasn't allowed to do so.
This was the second rule on my list. She wasn't allowed to touch me without my permission. Any physical affection that happened between the two of us had to be initiated by me.
Was this arrangement weird? Yes. Did I feel an unwelcome semblance of guilt when Emma gave me puppy dog eyes when she wanted to touch me and couldn't? Infuriatingly, yes.
Was I going to allow cracks to form in this new arrangement of ours by giving up more of the reins to Emma? Absolutely fucking not.
I'm perfectly aware of how anal retentive my rules were but I really didn't care. After all the fucking shit my high school tormenter made me go through, I think I deserve a little payback.
If my ex-best friend wanted me back so badly, she had to
earn it.
I was very upfront about these rules and my former childhood friend didn't disagree. I told Emma that we were not going to be "real friends" for a good long while. I intentionally described our new relationship as a probation period that would end when I said it ended and not a second earlier. I openly told Emma that I was still angry with her and that I still occasionally had nightmares about the bullying and the fucking locker. That I had bad days and I would probably take it out on her even when she didn't deserve it. That I had to fight the urge to physically strike her sometimes.
I wanted Emma to know what a minefield she was entering by wanting to be my friend again.
And yet she entered the killing field with zero hesitation. I still don't know how to feel about that.
With a deep sigh, I stood up and stared evenly at Emma as she continued to fidget nervously in front of me.
"Hello Emma." I eventually started with only a sliver of the warmth I gave to Connie.
"Hi Tay. Thanks for inviting me." Emma shyly returned and she slowly took out her jacket.
I didn't let up my stare. I refused to do so. The moment dragged on.
"A-are you having a bad day Taylor?" Emma eventually let out when the silence became too awkward.
I kept my face as unreadable as possible. "If I said yes and that I changed my mind and wanted you to leave, would you?"
I don't know why I said that. It just came out and I refused to take it back.
Connie stilled in the background and I could tell that she was listening to our discussion but didn't want to get involved herself. Probably for the best.
Emma nodded her head and had the audacity to return a gentle smirk. "Tay, I know what I was getting into when you gave me your ultimatum three months ago. You're the boss. I'll leave if you tell me to."
If anything, my stare became more intense. My clairvoyance field fully enveloped Emma so I could feel every micro-tension of her muscles and every one of her heartbeats. Her body was telling me that she desperately didn't want to leave, but she would if ordered.
Just like she promised, she was not lying to me. Emma was willing to sacrifice her own satisfaction if that's what it took to satisfy me.
"I just - I just want you to be happy Taylor, even if that means that I have to make myself scar…woah!" She squeaked when I suddenly marched up and wrapped my arms strongly around her.
"Stay." I whispered to her as my head rested on her warm shoulder. As always, Emma's naturally hot body temperature felt scorching compared to mine.
Emma
melted. She hugged me back tightly and pushed her face into my hair and breathed deeply.
"I missed you Tay."
"I missed you too. Sorry for being difficult."
Emma hugged me tighter. "Taylor, you are literally the nicest, most patient person I've ever met. Don't you dare apologize."
My heart clenched. Where was
this Emma during my high school years?
These good feelings were not going to last. It's happened before. My walls always go up automatically when I encounter Emma or Ampere, she and I have a back and forth until I finally lower my guard, I relax and have fun, she leaves and the bad feelings and worse memories always come back.
But, the lifespan of the bad feelings have been getting shorter and shorter while the part of me that looks forward to meeting Emma again was slowly gaining strength. Personal progress I guess?
"Hey cranky and crazy, not that I don't appreciate the diabetes-inducing spectacle, but I'm
really hungry and I have a study group that I have to meet in 45 minutes so can we order already?" Connie suddenly interrupted with a hangry look on her face.
Apparently someone felt that the situation had calmed down enough to engage in banter.
As team leader, I should probably scold her, but I'm too busy enjoying my Barnes sauna to really come up with a suitably snarky reply.
---
Finally we have Taylor's POV of this whole situation. She's trying her best.
@FirstSelector
