My Little Devourlord Can't Be This Cute!

[MacroDaemon]

[X] Go look for a restaurant; you're still hungry

 

[Robotninja]

He'd take a look at it and go numb with horror at the sheer scope of the death that it had caused. It would be like Ea to him, for different reasons. Plus it is easily post EX rank.

 

[Pipeman]

[X] Go look for a restaurant; you're still hungry

 

[Larekko12]

[x]Go look after your prey. He's fun.

 

[Master of Squirrel-fu]

The Onix Blade would actually only be maybe be the equivalent of a B~A rank NP, and only for it's sheer durability. Every thing we do with the Onix Blade can actually be done with any other weapon, albeit that any other weapon would be obliterated from awesome overload. Emiya would be able to recognize the materials, hell even make a reasonable facsimile, the same way he can do with Excalibur even though its made by faeries. If he tried to use it though he'd probably rip his arms off just swinging the damn thing while trying to mimic Revya's power. That or go insane from trying to sympathize with a blade that has been soaking in the blood of innocents for longer than the earth has existed.

 

[Master of Squirrel-fu]

So the vote seems to be for Restaurant. So pick a direction
[X] Head towards the edge of town
[X] The center of town
[X] to the left!

 

[Ardion Prosili]

[derp] Towards the food obviously

[X] ITS JUST A JUMP TO THE LEFT!

 

[Pipeman]

[X] to the left!

 

[hunter09]

[X] Head towards the edge of town

 

[Master of Squirrel-fu]

You spend a moment or two to stare at the rubble that falls off the towering building for a moment no doubt killing and maiming untold dozens when it reaches the ground, a sense of pride worming it's way upwards. Nothing like a job well done.

[Q]Whelp that was a fun way to kill 30 seconds. So back to finding something to eat...

You turn around to face your minions. You don't bother even considering checking the rubble or making sure whoever attacked you is dead. What would be the point, he'd either be a corpse or if he somehow survived would know his place now. You have more important things to do, namely filling your stomach. And this time with something that isn't made of concentrated Lies.

Caster nor Soichirou seem to be eager to offer an opinion. Meh, you could figure it out yourself anyway. You place the Onix Blade point down on the closest patch of level ground carefully. With care you keep your finger on the head of the pommel and balance it perfectly. Aaaaaaand now. You let go.

...

[Q]To the left it is, come! The sword has spoken!

The Onix Blade has never let you down yet!

~~~​

That fucking sword is a liar!

You've been wandering around for the past few hours and found absolutely nothing worth it. You'd eventually left the more impresive interior of the city as the droning noises, horrible smells, and those ambulance 'sirens' (why they called them that is a mystery they most definitely don't sound like Nerieds at all) were giving you a killer headache. Gods above, how could anyone live in a place like this!?

Right now you're meandering in between a bunch of largish houses, or perhaps small mansions? Either way it all looks the same and you don't know where to go. You'd differed to the great wisdom of the Onix Blade several dozen times already and it's lead you to what might as well have been any of these houses. There's nothing special about it from what you could see. Gah, stupid blade! You could have just created a few Crimson Tears to feed to Medea and had her fix the mountain for you by now.

[Q]Looks like we're here.

"This makes no sense," Medea complains. As usual, "We've made nothing but left turns, how could we have gotten anywhere?"

"This is Emiya-kun's house," Soichirou states, looking at a plaque on the wall written in gibberish squiggly lines. Sure you could understand what it says, and a quick glance confirms it, but it's still chicken scratch to you. Yeah first thing you're gonna do when you take over is make the Haephnen alphabet the language around here. You only need 21 letters damn it!

You don't care who this place belongs to, it's not like they're gonna own it for much longer. There's a click and the Onix Blade is free once again. Snickity slice~ You flick it a few times at the wall directly in front of you. A little flex of your power once again (you reallyare getting very good at this!) in it's direction and the pieces just fly in ward leaving a perfect rectangle in front of you. You step through and stop. Huh, you felt a little something, like walking through a puddle. There's a chime.

The wall of the house before you explodes outwards and a small blonde girl speeds at you at speeds that visibly warp the air around her, her posture seems to look as if she would strike you with a sword though oddly there's nothing in her hands. She continues the motion, like she were to strike you with an invisible blade you just stand there as if you hadn't noticed her.

CRACK!

The instant before she could connect you simultaneously step into her guard, she looks surprised no doubt thinking she got the jump on you, or at least that you could not move that fast, and you swing your left fist backwards across her face lazily. Lazily for you, it's still enough to overcome her momentum and send her rocketing perpendicular to her initial path. Right through the wall and several compounds to your left.

You look at your fist and then to the destruction and back to your fist. Odd, you didn't thing you held back that much. It should have taken her head off her torso at least. Must be a bit stronger that you thought, oh well. If she lives you might even get to teach her a lesson about destroying the property of people stronger than her. No manners, breaking the wall of your new house like that!

A glint catchs your eye. You hand automatically snakes out and snatchs it. It's a sword, weirdly shaped and pure white. It's actually kinda pretty. Something strikes you just between the 4th and 5th rib, in your back. A quick check shows it's another sword, of similar design though opposite color. Clever, that had been in the blind spot made by catching the first sword, and even if you dodged you wouldn't have noticed it in the night. You snap the white one in half.

[Q]Kuzuki, deal with the trouble maker. Caster find the other one, the girl.

They both go off to fulfill your whim. Caster negating a barrier that blocked several blades and Soichirou dropping the ones he had caught and leaping out of sight. Crap you forgot about them for a second, luckily they didn't embarrass you by dying in a sneak attack.

You wait a moment, in the background you can here the sounds of combat. Confident there were no other surprises you head into the house before you. Via the new hole that rude house guest was kind enough to leave.

You see a sight before you. A brunette in red in black pointing jewelry at you like it was a threat, A boy wielding a ladle like a sword, behind them a shocked and confused short haired woman hugging a girl with purple hair. All in the middle of a room and...

Oh dear Ashur! It can't be!

You tense. The two defenders tense. You spring forward and the they barely manage to avoid being bowled over by you. They don't mater. The short haired woman yells something, you ignore her and shove the pair aside. you reach your target.

FOOD! Glorious food! It smells so good! It smells like it's real! You j-j-jam it in.

Oh sweet Halphnes, it's like an orgasm in your mouth! You almost feel like crying. You'd been waiting eons for this moment.

"What..." Comes a male voice.

"The hell?" Comes a female.

[Q]Hwat?

You spare a moment to look back at the shocked look of your new slaves (or at least the one who will be your new chef). You absent mindedly shove a whole turkey leg in your mouth. The flavor sends a shiver down your spine. Sooooo gooood~

There's no immediate response. The boy takes a moment to look out the hole you entered from.

"My house!" He notices the outside, "The wall!"

[Q]Yeah, I was in a rush.
And thank Ashur you were! What if this food got cold while you dealt with those tedious mortal pleasantries? Or worse, they ate it themselves!

"There was a gate!" He exclaims, and points to a large wooden apparatus not 3 feet from your impromptu entrance way.

[Q]And now there's a door.

He places his face in his hands. Such an odd way to express thanks for your gift of a quicker entrance point. Still...

[Q]You're welcome

You smile a bit as he lets out a groan of gratitude.


[X] Discussions! Over food of course.
[X] Eat their food, find the cook, kidnap, back to the temple!
[X] Might as well bring the girl in blue, Caster seems to like her.
[X] Write in.

 

[Balatro Philologus]

[X] Discussions! Over food of course.

 

[Pipeman]

[X] Discussions! Over food of course.

 

[minuseven]

[X] Discussions! Over food of course.
[X] You all. Mine. Got it? Good.

 

[hunter09]

[X] Eat their food, find the cook, kidnap, back to the temple!
[X] Might as well bring the girl in blue, Caster seems to like her.

 

[Creticus]

[X] Eat their food, find the cook, kidnap, back to the temple!
[X] Might as well bring the girl in blue, Caster seems to like her.

 

[MacroDaemon]

[X] Discussions! Over food of course.
[X] "So, I live here now. As long as there's food for me to eat, there wont be any trouble! Well, there'll be less trouble.. Maybe."

 

[Hero999]

[X] Eat their food, find the cook, kidnap, back to the temple!
[X] Might as well bring the girl in blue, Caster seems to like her.

Click to shrink...

Uh...Isn't the temple...like...GONE?
...Blown up?
Obliterated? Or am I remembering things wrong.

[X] Discussions! Over food of course.

 

[hunter09]

Yes but with power from us Caster can repair it in a snap

 

[Torgamous]

[X] Discussions! Over food of course.
-[X] You now claim this house and all chefs who reside within.

 

[EnderofWorlds]

[X] Eat their food, find the cook, kidnap, back to the temple!
[X] Might as well bring the girl in blue, Caster seems to like her.

 

[Earth-Destroyer]

[X] Eat their food, find the cook, kidnap, back to the temple!
[X] Might as well bring the girl in blue, Caster seems to like her.

 

[Darik29]

[X] Discussions! Over food of course.

 

[Robotninja]

[X] Eat their food, find the cook, kidnap, back to the temple!
[X] Might as well bring the girl in blue, Caster seems to like her.

 

[Emral282]

[X] Eat their food, find the cook, kidnap, back to the temple!
[X] Might as well bring the girl in blue, Caster seems to like her.

 

[Master of Squirrel-fu]

Uh...Isn't the temple...like...GONE?
...Blown up?
Obliterated? Or am I remembering things wrong.

[X] Discussions! Over food of course.

Click to shrink...

And all it costs is one mortals immortal soul be permanently destroyed!

 

[Master of Squirrel-fu]

Vote count, it's a tie! Next vote wins it.

 

[Himura]

Tie breaker!

[X] Eat their food, find the cook, kidnap, back to the temple!
[X] Might as well bring the girl in blue, Caster seems to like her.

 

[Master of Squirrel-fu]

You continue to shovel food in your mouth, making sure it's never less then half full at any given moment. Contrary to what some may think you are chewing. Gluttony isn't limited to satiating simple physical hunger, you'd long move pass the point where such a thing could inconvenience you. You just want to experience as much of the taste and texture as possible in the most efficient manner. By ensuring food is constantly filling your food hole.

[Q]So... which of you is gonna be my new chef?

They seem mildly confused. Okay, dumb it down a little then.

[Q]Which of you meat bags made this?

You spy eyes involuntarily shifting to the boy. Hmm, on closer inspection something about him seems quite attractive. Probably the red hair, being even slightly similar to you is a sign of possible greatness in your mind. You grin, oh yes you like this. They flinch back.

"I've retrieved her!" A voice interrupts before you can speak as Caster enters through the houses new entrance. "She struggled a bit so I had to ...restrain her~" Quite a bit judging from her panting and flush face. Perhaps Caster wasn't as disloyal as you though?

"Saber!?"

Behind her walk 2 skeletons hauling the bound body of a struggling blond woman, arms and legs tied expertly with golden rope and a third dragging what seems to be an invisible stick. You're glad to note Caster even went above and beyond having actually hog tied her expertly to remove any leverage and creatively used the rope as a gag to silence the inevitably annoying protests that captives usually have. Though why she used so many knots, especially over her breasts and groin, completely eludes you.

[Q]Oh good, just put it down anywhere. Pull up a seat I got us some dinner.

"What!?"
"Hey that's mine!"
"Wait a minute!"
"Fujimura-sensei!"

The two shorter haired ones seem ready to put a stop to you but are quickly held back by their longer haired companions. Your Chef by the brunette and the woman by the one with purple hair who you just notice is producing a wonderfully delectable scent. The brunette gestures to the new entrance and the thoroughly restrained 'Saber' which seems to cause the to reluctantly step down.

"Good, now let's all just take a moment to calm down," Cautiously she moves to take a seat at the table, entourage in tow. As you make no effort to stop them they quickly take their seats, the girl directly in front of you. She continues, "Now, let's all act like rational adults I'm sure we all would like to know WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!?"

She stands up and yells this at you at a volume loud enough to actually create a bit of wind. Oh my feisty~ You wriggle in your seat a bit and lick your lips causing her to retract a bit. The ones that kick the most are always the most fun to break~

[Q]Hmm, yes that will be fine. I have somethings I would like to... discuss as well...
Mmmm, just pondering what her screams will sound like is exciting you. She might resist at first, in fact that was part of the fun, but in the end you always won in the end. She'd scream herself hoarse in no time~ Still that can wait a bit...

"Erm ah yes..." She seems to be uncomfortable all of a sudden, face redder than you new chef's hair. In fact so were most of the other meat bags...

"You said that last part out loud," Caster informs you. Oh...

"Well that awkwardness aside," She continues trying her best to keep your eye, "How about we start with simple introductions?"

You nod.

"I am Tohsaka Rin" She gestures to herself.
"Emiya Shiro" Your Chef
"M-matoh Sakura..." The one with that most pleasant smell.
"Fugimura Taiga," The woman. She seems the most upset right now.

Your turn then.

[Q]Yeah, I'm not just gonna give my name to a bunch of worthless mortal sacks of meat. You can just call me Master
[Q]This here is my new pet dog, Caster. She likes to bark a lot, it fucking annoying.
[Q]This is SOICHIROU
You tug the line connecting you to the man, dragging him though time and space to your current local. He looks worse for the wear, shirt in many tatters and various scratch all over his skin. Oddly the most bloody part of him is his right fist, currently extended, which didn't even seem damaged. If he's surprised by the sudden shift in location he doesn't show it, just easily shifting back into a more relaxed posture.

[Q]He's the trainer. Honestly I'm just considering just getting the bitch spayed to stop all that yapping.
Not that they seem to care, your comment is ignored in various shouts.
"Kazuki-sensei!?
"Souichiro-sama!"

...Completely forgotten.

Ya know what, fuck it you might just spay all these rude bastards!

Your fist strikes out just slower than sound to impact the wall next to you, evaporating it instantly.

You don't like being ignored.

~~~​

You sit back and ponder a bit on what you just learned. This Holy Grail War, these magi, Heroic Spirits. Interesting...

Soon after restarting your conversation an tan man had arrived, he had given you a queer look but said nothing in your presence, instead choosing to linger around Tohsaka.

The woman, Taiga was off in a corner sulking. She had apparently been even more in the dark than you. You have a hard time imagining it; a world where most people don't even know magic exists... It's almost as bad as not having hotpods.

The one who smells you could swear just gets better with exposure doesn't seemed as shocked, though the boy acted as if she had been similar to the older woman.

Saber is still spouting muffled obscenities in the next room where you had sent her and Caster. Odd how she seemed so oddly eager to please when you said that the blonde needed some discipline lessons or the crazed look in her eyes when you just told her to 'do as you please' to the girl. All you know is that everyone else seemed to be trying hard and (all but Soichirou) failing to ignore the noises coming from within their faces red.

You reach for a piece of food. You're hand finds nothing. A quick glace.

...yup outta munchies. Time to leave then.

[Q]Caster!

You wait a moment as the screaming stops. The door opens and Caster exits, looking a bit out of sorts but much more relaxed, dragging a now silent and complacent Saber behind her.

[Q]It's time to get going now.

She her eyes widen and she glances down at her captive. Then she turns pleading eyes to you. Oh you know that look...

....

...Dammit.

[Q]Fine you can keep her, but only if you feed it, clean it, and exercise it regularly. Prisoners are a big responsibility you know.
[Q]You just better not get bored with it in a week, or I'll have her put down.

Caster eagerly nods. Aww, it's cute how exited she is to have her own prisoner, reminds you of the good old days...

"Hey! You can't just take Emiya-kun's servant!"

[Q]Oh don't worry I'm not...

She stops for a moment and you move forward a few steps and reach forward.

[Q]I'll be kidnapping your 'Emiya-kun' too.

You snag the boy by his color and sling him over back like a travel pack.

"Wah, but, you can't just..."

[Q]Oh but I can~



[X] Back to the temple! Feed Caster a Crimson Tear to fix it and send your new food slave off to work!
[X] You'll also be taking the girl who smells of tasty things
[X] You'll be taking her along with us too, you were serious about making her scream~
[X] Oh who are you kidding, Kidnappings for everyone!
[X] Write in.

 

[Ardion Prosili]

[X] Oh who are you kidding, Kidnappings for everyone!

Reyva: KIDNAPPINGS ARE THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING!

Also squirrely, male or female Reyva?

 

[Master of Squirrel-fu]

You tell me...