On a Pale Horse (Umamusume/Youjo Senki)

[Wild Transient]

In fact, I'm surprised by how little religion has been discussed in this story. While the Three Goddesses are merely background information, it's still relatively important to the Umas, although, as has been shown, they aren't great abstract thinkers, so it's unlikely there are many religious fanatics out there.

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Why be surprised? Even in the animes,manga and Umamusume gacha game the whole 3 Goddesses thing is mainly confined to in setting lore what with the main focus being on racing.

 

[TheSmallSauce]

Based off of the reference image and Tanya's anime design, I did a quick sketch of how I imagine Shirogane looks. When I was coloring it, I almost defaulted to making her blonde before I remembered her name literally means silver. The other thing was the eyes being red, I feel like Tanya's glowing blue eyes when she's hopped on magic is a really iconic part of her character, so it almost feels weird to have them be red.

Spoiler: Image

 

[neta wey]

I love the title, Tanya has the potential to become the fearsome Middle/Final boss of every new racer calling her the silver standard feels a lot heavier if she becomes like the final test/hurdle that differentiates the great runners from the legends.

I can easily imagine having a reputation of only being beaten by the truly great, she would either be always gold or silver, with many opponents breaking before her.
she could be the test of temperament and discipline of many.

The pale horse who never seems to tire, relentless in her own way if you are trying to catch up to her, but even worse if you are ahead of her, feeling the pressure and the burden of having her just right behind you pushing you little by little to either a victory or a breakdown.

You would probably have racers having their best recorded racing times against her by pressure alone, with only a few of them managing to endure and win.

I wonder if anyone will ever find out the truth about her, she isn't a race horse, she's a warhorse one who used to carry heavy armored riders, used to charge with a heavy burden without the choice to stop or slowdown, since that would most likely mean death.

I feel like that the kind of story that Umamusume fans would love.

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The more you guys talk about this element of her being the Silver Standard, the more I think of her as a combination of Arm Anderson and the the White Mamba, individuals who know their strengths and weaknesses and knowing how to use them. And also having a mean streak.

Like I'm legitimately imagining at some point getting annoyed at some Uma who's trying get her riled up over her (actual) lack of speed and going full Sargent with

Listen you maggot, you are outdoing yourself in the unproductive behavior market, so I'm going to put you, and also all of you, in your place.
Yes, I'm not faster than Special Week, nor Grass Wonder, nor El Condor Pasa, and also use her full name for you are not her friend. Because guess what? If you threw a rock to a collection of Umas from Trace, chances are that you will hit some faster than me. Do you know why? Because everyone is faster than me!
No, seriously, everyone. Do you think that makes me happy? And instead of yapping or mopping or whatever else that uma in lane 6 keeps doing when we are in the same race, I persevere. I'm not the fastest, nor the strongest, nor the one with the pedigree, but I persevere, I adapt. I may not be able to out speed them, but I found I can certainly outlast them.
So I train my endurance, my strength, my guts and my wits and my technique. I race and I think to myself "Could hug the rail even more" "Could I improve my accelerating in the slope?" "Could I block them better?" and I train to become more than a one trick pony like you.
So get in line, pony, and stop wasting everybody's time.
And one last thing, pony. You say my speed is not even close to Special Week, but it's closer to all of them than you are to me.


Ok, this thing came a bit out of character.

 

[FluffyVoid]

The other thing was the eyes being red, I feel like Tanya's glowing blue eyes when she's hopped on magic is a really iconic part of her character, so it almost feels weird to have them be red.

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Maybe her eyes go from red to blue when Shirogane finally gets into the zone.

 

[wtdtd]

Ok, this thing came a bit out of character.

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That made me think of the tf2 soldier for some reason.

 

[neta wey]

That made me think of the tf2 soldier for some reason.

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Probably because it's a bit disjointed. The whole point was to get to the punchline of using White Mamba's quote of "I'm closer to Lebron than you are to me", but it went wild in the set-up.

 

[TheSmallSauce]

And here's a work in progress sketch in a more realistic style. In the rough, I doodled the ear ornament without thinking about it much, but now I can't figure out where it should sit on her head, or how it should attach to her ear.

Spoiler: WIP

Edit:

They're kind of like Duramente's wing, but silver and on the back of her ears.

Edit. Also, Shirogane's hair is pretty smooth, given that she actually has a mother and grandmother that cares to make her look a bit more presentable (and girly)

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Would it be similar to Air Groove's where it curls around the outside of the ear, instead of the inside like Duramente's?

I was going by Tanya's design, where her hair is really going all over the place, but it does make sense that her hair would be more tame in this life. The issue is retaining enough design elements to make her recognizably Tanya, maybe the shape of the hair remains mostly the same?

 

[WrandmWaffles]

I doodled the ear ornament without thinking about it much, but now I can't figure out where it should sit on her head, or how it should attach to her ear.

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They're kind of like Duramente's wing, but silver and on the back of her ears.

Edit. Also, Shirogane's hair is pretty smooth, given that she actually has a mother and grandmother that cares to make her look a bit more presentable (and girly)

Would it be similar to Air Groove's where it curls around the outside of the ear, instead of the inside like Duramente's?

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Sort of? They go more vertical along her ear.

The issue is retaining enough design elements to make her recognizably Tanya, maybe the shape of the hair remains mostly the same?

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Salaryman looks completely different from Tanya so there's no real need to have Shirogane look similar to Tanya.

 

[zecorezecron]

And here's a work in progress sketch in a more realistic style. In the rough, I doodled the ear ornament without thinking about it much, but now I can't figure out where it should sit on her head, or how it should attach to her ear.

Spoiler: WIP

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Okily dokily, time for to offer some unsolicited advice!

First of all, do not change a single thing about the hair until coloring, except the pony tail. The rest of the hair is fucking perfect.

Honestly, the only real issue is that she is, forgive the expression, a bit horsefaced. The upper lip should be tightened up a bit, unless she is meant to have her mouth open, and the jawline brought up a corresponding amount. Maybe the tip of the nose brought down a hair.

Other than those nitpicks, very good.

 

[Wild Transient]

@WrandmWaffles already said that the way to get Shirogane frenzy is to get physical during race.

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Hmmmmm... actually you know what? The one Uma in Tracen most likely to get Shirogane frenzied on the race track due to getting physical is the Terrorist of the Race Track herself,Stay Gold! She didnt get that nickname in real life for nothing either.

 

[Herofox]

@WrandmWaffles already said that the way to get Shirogane frenzy is to get physical during race.

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Oh, I hear American Umas were more physical than Japanese ones. That could be a fun segue.

 

[TheSmallSauce]

Honestly, the only real issue is that she is, forgive the expression, a bit horsefaced. The upper lip should be tightened up a bit, unless she is meant to have her mouth open, and the jawline brought up a corresponding amount. Maybe the tip of the nose brought down a hair.

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Thanks for the advice, I made some changes to the face based on your direction. She still looks a bit horsefaced... I've always had trouble with faces, especially lips. I don't know why, maybe it's because I've been staring at it for so long, but somehow it feels like something about her expression changed.

Salaryman looks completely different from Tanya so there's no real need to have Shirogane look similar to Tanya.

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Well, whether I intended for it or not, seems like she kept the fish lips.

Also, Shirogane's hair is pretty smooth, given that she actually has a mother and grandmother that cares to make her look a bit more presentable (and girly)

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I tried going for a silkier hairstyle compared to my initial sketch. It looks like she has a rather high ponytail in the reference image, and in Billjoebaggins' rendition the ponytail is closer to Tanya's, so I just aimed sort of in the middle.

Spoiler: WIP 2

Also, I went and found a reference for the ear ornaments, it's not the right kind of medal, but the Polish jump wings are what I used. If you have an image of the actual medal, I'll use that as reference instead.

...Looking at it again, the ornaments on her ears are pretty massive compared to other ones.

Spoiler: Polish Jump Wings

 

[wtdtd]

I dunno, that face still looks weird. I like the wings though!

 

[WrandmWaffles]

She still looks a bit horsefaced...

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To be fair...that's not necessarily bad here, lol.

I tried going for a silkier hairstyle compared to my initial sketch. It looks like she has a rather high ponytail in the reference image, and in Billjoebaggins' rendition the ponytail is closer to Tanya's, so I just aimed sort of in the middle.

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Yeah, that looks pretty good. It's not a very complex hairstyle or very long, since she's practical, but she has a comfortable life and can afford to make it look more orderly.

Also, I went and found a reference for the ear ornaments, it's not the right kind of medal, but the Polish jump wings are what I used

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Those wings look great! Though they might be a bit oversized now that I look at it. As is I think she'd have trouble moving her ears in certain directions. Then again, if it's like a feather that wouldn't be that much of a problem.

 

[TheSmallSauce]

Added a rough sketch of a kurtka with another jacket draped over her shoulder as an alternative G1 outfit, since the Tracen uniform felt out of place with her expression being so severe. Also made the wing smaller and let the Three Goddesses decide how it stays attached. I think I'll probably stop here, with this version.

I also had some fun with some typography for a poster/cover. If anyone feels like adding color, please feel free.

Spoiler: Concept Cover

Spoiler: Lineart Version

 

[Crispy Taco Shell]

I think everybody would enjoy this story more if they treated it as a slice-of-life anime and relax a bit. There is no Being X or Mary or yakuza thugs waiting in the wings to kill Shirogane's family and turn her into a Sasuke Uchiha avengering angel or whatever. At the worst, there is highschool-level cliques and sports politics between the umas but everyone seems to be decent people at their core.

Rousseau was right in this universe. Hobbes can eat a bowl of salad for dinner. Without any carrots!

 

[RogueInquisitor]

Shirogane might become known as the Gatekeeper. Other Umas have trouble just getting out of the starting gate when she's around. She's a Tracen student, but is widely considered one of the slower racers there, so if you can't beat her, don't even bother challenging the other Tracen runners. She's also good at positioning and tracking others behind her, which means if you don't have enough speed over her, she may still be able to block you from passing.

 

[Greymatter02]

I think everybody would enjoy this story more if they treated it as a slice-of-life anime and relax a bit. There is no Being X or Mary or yakuza thugs waiting in the wings to kill Shirogane's family and turn her into a Sasuke Uchiha avengering angel or whatever. At the worst, there is highschool-level cliques and sports politics between the umas but everyone seems to be decent people at their core.

Rousseau was right in this universe. Hobbes can eat a bowl of salad for dinner. Without any carrots!

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I agree. While that possibility of conflict is tantalizing, this just isn't that kind of story.