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Only Human (Goddess of Victory NIKKE SI)

Chapter 78 - …When They're Making a Mistake New
===
Chapter 78 - …When They're Making a Mistake
===

Rapi had, the very instant she'd recovered, launched herself at the Lord-class and kicked it off of Sunny and Joe as hard as she could. The whole thing was knocked clean off the MP Nikke, and crashed on its side bonelessly. While Rapi had drawn Wolf's Bane and moved to drive the barrel into its core, she was caught flat-footed to find that it was already dead.

Turning aside, she found Sunny laid out next to Joe, her legs visibly partially collapsed from fighting against the weight of a Lord, the ground around her surrounded by Nikke blood; and Joe himself, coated in Sunny's blood as well, with a massive pile of hot brass next to him. The man was noticeably and extremely discombobulated.

It didn't take a genius to figure out what happened as Mia, the team medic, rushed to Joe and Sunny's side. The Commander, deranged maniac that he continually proved himself to be, had dumped the magazine of his weapon into the Rapture's core when Sunny had caught and effectively held it at point-blank range.

Rapi was quick to descend upon the idiotic man, scooping him up despite Mia's protesting to cradle him with extreme worry. He was… Awake, but saying he was 'conscious' would be pushing it. The raw burst of Nikke-grade weapons fire must have rattled and stunned him. He'd need a few minutes to recover, at least.

He was probably even concussed to some degree, given how hard Nikke-grade munitions were on mere humans.

"You idiot," Rapi chastised him with a heavy grimace. "Absolute moron, damned fool…!" The blonde practically whined as she drew the Commander in, even as he groaned, mumbled under his breath, and otherwise indicated that he wasn't fully aware of what was happening around him.

Once it was clear that Rapi couldn't be separated from him, but he was in no apparent life-threatening danger, Mia had shifted her attention to Sunny. The twintailed blonde's legs were totalled, she'd need to be carried back to the Ark, but she'd ultimately be fine. The risk she'd taken to protect their Commander was noted, however, despite her sour attitude, when it mattered, she saved his life. That mattered, and would be remembered.

The salvage team, having converged on their location just in time to witness a Commander kill a Lord, kicked themselves into gear and moved to secure the surrounding area.

The whole lot took every chance they could in order to steal a wondrous glance at the Commander and the Nikke clinging to him with such terrified, desperate affection. This, on top of his having been an already known favourite of Mustang and trusted ally of Tetra Line beforehand.

Word would quickly spread among their number that he'd put his own life on the line to defend a 'mere' iDoll, and in so doing directly killed a Lord-class himself. He was doubtlessly going to become a celebrity among Tetra Line's forces with rapidity.

Such was the way in which providence guided the hand of the Legendary Commander of Goddess.



When Joe eventually became fully aware again, he was met by Rapi cradling him as they sat in the midst of a pop-up medical camp. It was confirmed that he'd concussed himself firing First Affection on full-auto, and that the only reason he didn't require a shoulder replacement was that he had the presence of mind to brace the gun against the ground, rather than his arm.

The exoskeleton, which he'd been warned wasn't rated to absorb the full-auto recoil of a Nikke-grade firearm, had damn near failed under that punishment, as he was told it would. Again, bracing it against the ground meant that the majority of the recoil it produced was dissipated directly into the street, but the exoskeleton still had to contend with more than it should have.

The exoskeleton was still functional, but he wasn't going to be using First Affection for the rest of the operation. Not that he could regardless: he'd spent the entire magazine, after all.

Sunny was a mission casualty, given that her legs were absolutely destroyed preventing the Heavy Metal Rapture from crushing him. She was unconscious when Joe and Rapi went to check on her, by her own request. She didn't want to be aware when she had injuries that so obviously marked her as non-human.

Some Nikkes were like Anis and Neon, and could just shrug off reminders that they had metal bones and hyper-tech artificial muscles, at least in the short term. Others… Preferred to be placed into an induced coma until they were fixed back up. He could hardly hold it against Sunny, and it was all Joe could do to lightly touch the twintailed blonde's forehead, and wish pleasant dreams upon her until they could get her to a repair centre.

He'd been informed that Mica, Belorta, and Cammie were all fine as well. They'd fallen from the roof of the tower, yes, but they'd all caught the side of the building, drove their hands into the structure, and were able to slow their descent enough to be able to kick off the wall when close to the ground and completely disperse all of their momentum into a series of rolls.

They were all also apparently really peeved that nobody saw them pull that off, and Joe could understand why: it sounded like it would have looked really cool.

Though the girls all had the skin stripped from their hands doing that stunt, they all just shut off their pain receptors and were able to keep functioning. They, along with Mia, opted to accompany the salvaging team that went out to keep searching for the Harmony Cube.

From Cammie, that wasn't too surprising, but Joe couldn't help but feel more than a little impressed by Mica and Belorta proving themselves to have no small amount of mettle. The two rocketeers didn't exactly strike him as hardened warriors, despite being Nikkes. Old Nikkes, at that. Even the cutest of girls could be tough little troopers in the Ark, as it turned out.

Joe couldn't help but feel more than a degree of pride in the entire team. They'd more than proven themselves to be worthy and reliable allies, so far as he was concerned.

That all being said, Rapi remained absolutely locked to his side, her arm locked around his. Both because he'd been hurt and she was worried, and because he was still concussed and had already once gone light-headed to the point that he'd have lost his footing, had the blonde not been holding onto him at the time.

The Commander was in no state to be accompanying Nikkes into potential combat for now, so he sat out the remainder of the operation, and would be forced to check in at the Outpost hospital once they were back. They needed to ensure there wasn't anything seriously wrong with him, given the concussion.

So, it was all he could do to settle in, sit among the small medical team, and wait.

Some time later, Rocketeer and the salvage unit rocked up to the temporary medical post they'd built near the now-dead Lord-class. Reports suggested that they'd actually cleared out the Rapture infestation with that battle, and might have made the Lost Sector safe to tear apart with wild abandon for any and all resources within.

Mica marched up to Joe, dropped the backpack she was wearing, dug into it, and presented the prize they'd descended down there to find to begin with. A small block, about the size of a Rubik's cube. Black, textured similarly to the uneven cubic manner in which the structures of the Lost Sector were, with squared-off 'windows' which revealed a red core within. "Look, Commander! We found it!"

With a smile, Joe gave the little brunette with absurdly flowing long hair a thumbs-up. "Hell yeah you did."

As Mica beamed, Belorta stepped forward, the little silverette too grinning broadly. "Hey, hey, Co~mmander! Syuen said that the one Harmony Cube was absolutely hers, and that every single other thing in the Lost Sector belonged to us, riiiight?"

Joe blinked, nodding once. "Yeah, her declaration and the contract she had me sign emphasized that the only thing she was interested in was 'that singular one,' and that 'every single other thing you might find down there, belongs to you.' She pretty clearly wanted me to feel like the job would be worth my time."

Belorta's smile widened with each word that came from Joe's mouth, and with a bounce on her heel (which almost made Joe grimace and hurgle, given the reminder that Belorta was quite well endowed despite her diminutive size), she buried her hand into one of her large pouches-

To withdraw a second Harmony Cube.

"So, this one would be one of the 'every single other things' Syuen mentioned, then?" The golden-eyed little woman inquired with a gremlin-esque smile.

Joe stared at the black-bodied, blue-accented cube that had a circular window to a bright, sky-blue core. He'd gone blank-faced, then an absolute, shit-eating grin found purchase on his features, alongside a rumbling chortle building upon his lips into a gut-busting laugh to the Heavens above.

Belorta and Mica's eyes sparkled at Joe's reaction, while Cammie made a valiant effort to not look totally taken with how utterly rapturously joyous the Commander's reaction was. Joe jumped to his feet, actually startling Rapi enough that she missed his arm when she tried to reach out and clasp onto him again.

Joe's first instinct was to reach down and pick Belorta up by the waist to spin her around, because holy shit, get fucked, Syuen! However, part of him remembered that he was both concussed, and also that Belorta, being a Nikke, weighed some 360kg, or about 800lbs. Meaning he'd probably throw out his back like a decrepit old man if he latched onto her waist and tried to lift her off her feet.

So, he just reached out, cupped and squeezed her cheeks, laughing uproariously like a madman. "What did I do to be blessed with such wonderful Nikkes, huh?" He rhetorically inquired with a gleeful cheer. "Screwing over Syuen by the letter of her own word! The best! My girls are the absolute best! Ha!"

Belorta's eyes lit up like fireworks at the positive attention, her smile stretching ear-to-ear, then she plonked her hands (including the cube she was still holding) over Joe's, bouncing in place excitedly alongside an also eager Mica.

Mia had ambled over from where she'd been checking on Sunny, a more reserved smile on her face. She seemed just as heartened to see their Commander absolutely glazing them for a job well done. A very, very rare occurrence for any Nikke.

Rapi remained close to Joe, ready to grab him if he looked like he was about to experience another fainting spell, but otherwise remained quiet. Both because of her own persisting worries about the situation between herself and the man, but also because she was used to Joe being decent upon a successful mission, while this was something of a first for the iDolls and Carronades.

So she'd just let them have this, and remain focused on keeping to Joe's side and ensuring he was as safe as he could be at any given moment, even if from his own foolishly self-inflicted injuries.



With their mission done, Joe, Rapi, the Carronades and iDolls all departed from the Oregon Lost Sector and set off to return to the Ark.

The salvaging team remained behind with their own vertical take-off and landing vehicles, having confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that the failed Ark was clear of Raptures and safe to pillage unopposed. They'd rip everything up, analyze it, package it, then bring it back to the Outpost to be shoved into their resource piles and used as the Commander saw fit.

Which meant that the Initial Rapture Invasion-era Nikke parts from the Lost Sector's long-abandoned repair centre would be following them shortly. Along with a whole mess of other raw materials they'd be able to find all sorts of uses for.

The former members of Goddess were going to get a much-needed round of proper maintenance with parts which—while still nowhere near proper Grimms material—were a damn sight better than the improvised and jury-rigged Rapture junk they'd been using since having left Eden. Rapi especially would benefit from this, after she'd gone and damaged her body by using Exceed against Modernia- Marian.

Additionally, in the back of his mind, Joe recalled their stop at the Northern Base—and specifically upon considering Rapi—Ludmilla requesting that Joe ask Mustang for permission to have Snow White perform maintenance on Alice. The little pink bunny girl who too had an Exceed system, but one which was actually incredibly faulty compared to Rapi's.

With that in mind, he'd make a point to set an entire body's worth of spare parts aside for Alice and put in the request to Mustang as soon as possible, then get Syuen her Harmony Cube, before passing his Harmony Cube along to Ingrid. He needed to have their Harmony Cube identified before they could do much of anything with it, and if Elysion would potentially benefit from having it on hand, giving it to them to use much like Syuen would use hers.

They shortly arrived at the Outpost, or the trip at least felt short given how Joe had passed out pretty hard and wound up sleeping most of the way there. At any rate, Sunny was immediately picked up and brought to the repair centre, while Joe was instantly dragged to the armoury to deposit his exoskeleton and First Affection for repairs and maintenance, then to the newly-established hospital.

Rapi would hear no arguments, and made it clear that if the man attempted to protest, she'd throw him over her shoulder and carry him there like an undignified sack of potatoes.

Upon arriving at said medical centre, which just looked like a normal hospital, a nurse gave Joe an examination to see if he was okay.

He was, for the most part. He indeed had a minor concussion, and some bruising on his arms where he'd suffered blunt force trauma death-gripping First Affection while mag-dumping it, but he'd be fine as long as he sat his ass down and didn't slam his head on anything for a while. A tall order for him, yes, but one he could at least give the ol' college try.

When Rapi asked about the fact that a doctor hadn't been sent to check on him, she was told by the nurse that 'Doctor Mary' was set to transfer to the Outpost alongside 'Doctor Pepper' in a few days, and they'd likely call Joe back to check him over again.

Until then, the Outpost's hospital was just staffed by some temporary Ark nurses to basically get the place running in preparation for the proper permanent staff's arrival.

The mention of 'Dr. Pepper' caused Joe to long for a Dr Pepper, which made him kind of sad, but otherwise, everything seemed to be okay, so he was cleared to return to the Command Centre and not go around doing anything while recovering from his injuries.

Before setting off, he stopped and sent Syuen a message, requesting a Missilis representative be sent to the Command Centre for a package pick-up, alongside messaging Mustang to request a brief meeting as early as tomorrow, if he could spare the time.

Rapi, again, escorted him back dutifully, the pair arriving home to little fanfare. Pioneer were off helping with some construction, apparently, while the other girls were either at the repair centre, or off working in the case of Anis.

Or… Whatever it was Neon was doing. Joe actually had no idea what Neon was doing. When was even the last time he'd seen her? Bah, probably not important, she'd show up sooner or later and turn out to have been doing nothing important.

Mustang confirmed that he could show up to talk to Joe the following day, just as a Missilis courier showed up at the Command Centre. Joe handed them the Harmony Cube—in a sealed box, of course—and they already understood that it was to be delivered straight to Syuen, no questions asked.

With that, the red-cored Harmony Cube was hauled off, and Joe's end of the agreement with Missilis was fulfilled, Syuen being none the wiser to the sheer scope of the mistake she'd thoughtlessly made. A very, very profitable venture for Counters and their sub-squads, to say the least.

As soon as all business was done, Rapi immediately directed Joe to the elevator, clearly intent on dragging him to his room and having him lay down right away. Any other day, he would have complained, but, concussion. It would probably be wise for him to not fuck around and lay his weary head to rest as early as possible.

Thus, quickly enough, he was in his room, was stripped down to a more comfortable state, and found himself seated on the edge of his bed. He sighed as no small amount of fatigue started catching up to him all at once.

Rapi lightly fussed over the man, understandably still concerned given everything that had happened. He wasn't too bothered by having a beautiful woman worry about him, and, in the midst of seeing her seeming to cling to excuses to stay with him as long as possible…

"Am I going to find myself waking up with you cuddled up next to me again, at this rate?" Joe teasingly asked as his mouth moved faster than his brain, causing him to wind up stunlocking himself.

Rapi had, in turn, recoiled as her eyes went as wide as dinner plates, her face turning as brilliant a ruby red as her irises. She stared at Joe, who had frozen still with a seemingly unphased, expectant expression on his face. Not being privy to his internal thoughts, she did not hear his internal screaming.

After a few moments, Rapi shyly averted her gaze, suddenly playing with her own fingers, she lightly bit her bottom lip. Then, she responded shakily, "W-would you like that…?" The anticipatory edge to her tone wasn't lost on Joe.

For his part, Joe's brain first crashed, then rebooted, then went into overdrive as it devoted all of its runtime to this singular moment, to process that response of Rapi's.

A great many thoughts fired through his mind over the course of a few seconds, including the fact that while Rapi didn't remember it, or at least not as much as he did, she was still Red Hood. Meaning that that had been intimate a great many times as it was, meaning it would hardly be new ground they'd be breaking.

If anything, it would just be a step taken back to what they had before. Something that the both of them had very much enjoyed, back then.

Then his libido, which he'd been fighting so hard to suppress for a great number of reasons, upon being granted an inch, decided to forcibly take an entire mile and suddenly Joe could see nothing besides Rapi's flawless figure, her peak womanly countenance, the borderline ethereal quality of her hauntingly familiar yet exotic features, how very perfect she was from top to bottom…

Fuck it fuck it fuck it fuck it FUCK IT-

"I very much wouuuuaaa-" Joe started with an anticipatory timber of his own, only to start tipping over as he grew lightheaded and slurred his words. His concussion reaching out and slapping both himself, and a visibly mortified Rapi who had lunged out to catch him.

"-You need to go to sleep, Joe," Rapi said in a hushed, yet somewhat forceful tone. She did her best to repress the disappointment she felt, but holy shit what cruel timing.

The Commander let out a heavy groan as he allowed the gorgeous blonde to gently lower him onto the bed, before retreating just enough to grab the bed's sheet and cover him with it. The unspoken message was clear: nothing would happen while the man was actively concussed.

While that might have been perfectly understandable, it didn't make it any less frustrating given that Joe's defences had only just given out.

Rapi quickly beat a hasty retreat, standing and immediately moving for the door to depart. She did stop and turn to call back over her shoulder: "Send me a message if you need anything, okay? Even if it's just a glass of water, don't get out of bed unless you have to."

Joe just nodded, taking a few heavy, bracing breaths.

"...Good night, Joe," Rapi said with a forced even tone, doing her best to not let her own frustration show. They both noticed it, however, which made it all the worse.

"Night, Rapi," Joe answered in turn, to which Rapi nodded and set off, closing the lights behind her as she did, leaving the man to lay there and rue his life in the dark. Granted, it probably would be an exceptionally bad idea to get intimate with a 630kg cyborg super soldier while concussed, but still. It would probably be worth it. Maybe.

At this rate, surrounded by all of these unreasonably beautiful women, some of whom were being very forward with their interest in him, Joe knew that there was an increasingly high chance of him slipping up as he just did with Rapi again, sooner or later.

Turning aside, he caught sight of Marian's ID on his nightstand, her gentle, soothing smile hitting him like a brick. Then, he remembered Cinderella's heartfelt confession. Hell, even Privaty had been acting a certain kinda way with him, hadn't she? He felt his stomach twist and form a knot as he rolled onto his side and settled a hand over his chest.

He didn't want to hurt anyone. Yet he was just a man, surrounded by too-beautiful women, who had too-complicated relationships with him, who he had too-complicated feelings for.

Joe loved these women with all of his heart, but God damn it, did they not make it easy for him. Or rather, they made it entirely too easy to love them.

As he drifted off to sleep, the man renowned as the Legendary Commander mused upon the notion that he really wasn't sure that he was built for this.
 
Chapter 79 - The Blinders Come Off New
===
Chapter 79 - The Blinders Come Off
===

The following morning, Joe awoke to a message from Syuen, denoting that she was deeply pleased with the results of the operation, and the sheer punctuality of it. She'd not been expecting to receive the Harmony Cube so quickly, evidently, and made a point to note that he should expect more job offerings in the future.

Otherwise, Mustang arrived not long after Joe woke up, and was not only quick to green light the suggestion that Snow White be allowed to perform maintenance on Alice, and he also metaphorically kicked himself for not having thought of that himself.

He also praised Joe for having the discretion to not just message this to Mustang over Blabla. Joe just said 'Opsec' in reply, to which Mustang chortled and departed. He'd arrange transport to bring Snow White to the Northern Base to get it done, just as soon as Joe requested it.

Obviously, Pioneer came first in that regard, but it shouldn't take Snow White too long to do her thing and get herself and her squadmates in better working order. Then, she could maybe make life a bit easier for Alice.

Ludmilla would surely appreciate that, if nothing else.

At any rate, Joe descended into the ground floor of the Command Centre to raid the kitchen for breakfast. Upon reaching the dining area, he found Anis, dressed down in her worryingly low-cut tank top, short shorts, thigh highs and little else. She was just finishing her usual bowl of morning off-brand Froot Loops.

Notably, the short-haired blonde instantly clammed up and displayed no small amount of anxiety the moment Joe was in sight. "Uh… Morning, Commander," she awkwardly acknowledged his presence, making a point to avoid looking directly at him.

Pausing mid-step, Joe's brow furrowed as he considered how she'd been behaving lately in general. Every time he'd seen her, she grew awkward and anxious. Visibly uncomfortable and uncertain, even at the maid café. She'd been behaving this way since returning from the Arctic.

"Anis," the burly man started, shifting to face the haphazard Nikke, visibly disconcerted. "You've been avoiding me since our mission to the Yukon."

At that, the blonde's body language tensed significantly. Her expression soured, and she started to subtly tremble.

That was probably a bad sign.

"What's wrong?" Joe immediately inquired, closing distance with her, but not quite reaching out to touch her.

Anis remained silent, her spoon lightly shaking as she made a concerted effort to not look Joe's way, or even acknowledge him. She was visibly terrified, to the man's intense confusion and mounting concern.

At that point, he did reach out and set a hand on her shoulder, eliciting a grimace and low whine from her. "Anis, seriously. What is it? What happened?"

"Nothing," the golden-eyed Nikke asserted sharply, with a slight tremble in her voice. Still refusing to meet Joe's gaze.

There was a beat as the man considered the woman, before he reached out, pulled out the chair next to her, and set his ass down right next to her. "Anis, come on," he started, leaning over the blonde's way. "You are boisterous, brash, and opinionated to a fault. You aren't convincing me that everything's okay by acting so uncharacteristically skittish."

At that, Anis grimaced, looking more than a little put-off by Joe's words. "Jeez, make me sound like an utter gorilla, why don't you," she whined, looking more than a little hurt. "...Being seen like that is about what I deserve though, isn't it…" She mused in a recriminatory manner.

Closing his eyes and sighing very deeply, Joe knew this wasn't going to be fun as he locked in. "Alright, neither of us are moving from this spot until you tell me what's happening with you. I'm not having this hanging over our heads like a storm cloud and potentially causing problems in the field."

Anis let out a low whine of dismay, dropping her spoon in the cereal bowl before crossing her arms across her stomach, now she was staring at the wall next to her, rather than at the Commander. Of course, she didn't say anything.

Even after at least a good, awkward minute.

"For the love of God Anis," Joe groaned, setting a hand over his eyes as he rued how this seemed like it was going to take a while.

"...Don't," the typically cacophonous blonde said meekly.

"Don't what?" The brunet, meanwhile, was already growing frustrated with the blonde's refusal to cooperate.

"Don't make me talk," she all but pleaded, her body language screaming intense discomfort.

That all but bushwhacked Joe, leaving him utterly gobsmacked and confused. Anis loved to talk. That much was made clear by how she'd go out of her way to spar with Neon just to justify yapping both in the field, and in the Outpost. "Why?" Joe asked with no small amount of confusion.

"Because I might make you hurt yourself again!" Anis snapped at him, curling in on herself with a heavy, deeply guilty grimace.

If Joe had thought he was caught off-guard before, he actually recoiled in shock, staring at the woman with eyes the size of dinner plates. His mind crashed, and he struggled to process her assertion.

Hurt himself? What? When? He hadn't-

Joe stopped, blinked several times in rapid succession, and his eyes were suddenly forcibly opened. He had injured himself. Right when they got back from the Yukon. He'd dug his nails into his palms badly enough that Rapi had forced him to go to a hospital to get them checked out.

And he'd hurt himself because of… Marian. He'd panicked. Flipped his shit, and lost control of himself. He was overwhelmed by what had happened. "-How was that your fault?" He inquired as he did his best to gather himself.

Anis scoffed, still refusing to look at Joe in the midst of this incredibly uncomfortable conversation. "You said it yourself. 'Anis is right everybody is just going to die if they try to rely on me.'"

There was a very long pause at that. Joe did not remember saying that. He- Blinked rapidly, again, feeling as though his eyes were being forcibly opened.

Anis did constantly bemoan and declare that she expected the entire team to be killed on every mission they deployed on. She didn't say it directly, but the implication was clear: she didn't trust Joe to keep them safe. She expected him to lead them to their deaths.

This, after she saw what had happened with Marian. After Anis saw Joe fail to protect Marian with her own eyes, and be forced to execute her himself, which ultimately led to her being turned into a Heretic.

Joe was rapidly being forced to wrestle with many things all at once. Up to, and including the fact that he had been actively attempting to avoid thinking about anything and everything on an interpersonal level.

Anis kept tearing open the wound, kept pouring salt all over the raw injury and reminding him of his failure, shouting directly into his face that she expected to suffer the same fate under his watch. Joe just refused to acknowledge this. He put it out of his conscious mind and marched onward, pushing such ugly notions back into his unconscious thoughts…

Into the same place where his dreaded feelings of being a failure of a 'Legendary Commander' wallowed. The same thoughts that whispered into his mind that he'd failed mankind once before, and surely would again, if he achieved anything less than instinctive mechanical perfection.

Oh.

Shit.

He was compartmentalizing everything. Too well. Too aggressively. Shoving things into such dark corners of his own mind that he would forget about them on a conscious level, while they gradually fermented into rot and poison. Blindly stumbling forward, in a near-drunken haze.

It was practically like there were multiple Joes that were hot-swapping into and out of control out of a mutually shared body.

The Joe that led Nikkes into combat, locking in, becoming the warrior he had once been for the sake of those who depended on him.

The Joe that bummed around the Outpost, feeling bad for himself and longing for what he no longer had.

The Joe that would offer his hand to the Nikkes under his command, lift them up, and show them that the Legendary Commander was back, and that they were his Goddesses of Victory, regardless of whether they were Grimms or Mass-Produced.

The Joe that went down into the Ark and had those little dates with Privaty, where he actively fought the pain down and projected the image of an ordinary, fun-loving guy. That same Joe that Marian had fallen for.

The Joe that reunited with Pioneer, that was a shadow of his old self in their presence, yet was still there despite it all. That same Joe that Cinderella loved so truly and wholly that she had waited for him for a hundred years, despite believing him dead.

The Joe that couldn't take it anymore, and periodically started imploding, only to be caught at the last possible moment by someone else, gradually burning himself out as he did his very best to deny the truth: that he was hopelessly overwhelmed, and kept forcing himself to pretend it wasn't the case as the foundations of himself buckled and crumpled in slow motion. Ready to fall. Ready to collapse. Ready to crash.

Holy fuck, he'd been just bumbling into active combat situations while metaphorically lobotomizing himself. He'd been in command of these girls and leading them into combat with blinders on.

The man was stunlocked. Staring into the aether as he was overwhelmed by these mental blocks all coming down at once. He'd put everything off, pushed all these problems into a closet and avoided acknowledging them to the point that now that he'd been reminded of the actual depths of his workload, he had no idea of where to start.

If he tried to pull any one thing from the pile, the structural integrity of it would fail, and the whole damned thing might well collapse right on top of him, crush him beneath all of these problems he'd let build up rather than address them as they came.

A Jenga tower of issues. Which block did he reach for, try removing first? What a right proper state he'd worked himself into, by refusing to do the work when it fell upon his desk. Lazy. Idiotic. Childish. How had he let all of this happen?

Amidst all of this, something caused him to take notice of Anis again. The girl was still sitting right there next to him, trying to avoid his attention. Joe liked her. Most of the time.

When she was decent, she was great to have around. She could be downright bubbly when she was upbeat. Her smile, when it was real, was something to behold—Anis was beautiful, gorgeous, fun. The type of girl your dumb ass would trip and become ass-over-teakettle smitten with if you bumped into her at the right time, when she was in the right mood.

When nobody else could, she remained by his side at the Northern Base, to ensure that he wouldn't wake up alone after everything that had happened. There was loyalty there. There was a trustworthy companion there, someone that had the potential to be a reliable ally.

But.

The constant tearing him down, reminding him of his failure. Rubbing her lack of faith in him in his face. Banging a drum as she sung about how he would get her and all of her fellow Nikkes killed, how she didn't trust him despite his best efforts to do right by she and her peers…

That, despite Joe's attempts to ignore it, had hurt him. Anis was preventing that Marian-shaped wound from healing. She was tearing it open repeatedly… Hell, she'd made it worse. Marian kept coming to mind unbidden. Marian kept dominating his thoughts, despite Joe knowing that he needed to move on and focus on the girls that needed him to prioritize them in the here and now.

Of course she did. Of course Marian was always there, at the forefront of his mind. Anis wouldn't let him forget. She wouldn't let him put what happened with Marian out of mind. She wouldn't let him move on without reminding him that she had about as much faith in him as she did the average Commander.

And why? What great failure and sin had he committed against her, Rapi, Neon, Sunny, Mia, Cammie, Mihara, and Yuni? When had he done anything less than go above and beyond to ensure they were all living as comfortably as they could? When had he done anything less than demonstrate his intense respect and consideration for the Nikkes under his command?

What had he done to deserve that from her? Legitimately? If Joe looked at everything objectively, if he stepped back and put aside his own personal hang-ups, he'd been putting his best foot forward when and where he could.

Was he handling his relationships with the individual girls as well as he could? No, obviously not. He was in a bad place, and kept deflecting any attempts from them to offer him emotional support, turning it around on them instead. He… Categorically refused to grant himself any relief at all. Even when it was reciprocal from the likes of Rapi.

But, he wasn't being unkind, or cruel to them. He wasn't being inconsiderate. He was trying his level best to make sure the Nikkes under his command lived well, lived comfortably, and without needing to face the discrimination they so commonly did in the Ark proper.

Yet, Anis kept digging her fingers into that gaping wound, tearing it open at every opportunity.

He stared at the blonde. Feeling no small amount of intense resentment flaring in his chest, once he'd started to actually acknowledge his interpersonal situations, rather than hyper fixating on the bigger picture.

What was he supposed to do now? Tell her that it was okay? That he didn't hold it against her? That he wasn't mad? None of those were true. Her cruel stabs and twisting of the knife… That's what was ultimately actually causing him to turtle up emotionally, wasn't it?

If Anis would continually shiv him in the kidneys as she had despite the fact that he was doing his best, what else would the other Nikkes do, if given the opportunity? Hell, that fear was reinforced in his own memories via Red Hood. They'd been in a relationship, Joe was sure that, if he wasn't in love with Rapi back then, he was damn close to it. Then, she just flipped and turned on him, and he didn't know why.

Anis was making this worse. She was validating that fear. That horrible anxiety that he wasn't good enough, that any of these girls he was doing so much for would turn around, and just attack him for reasons outside of his control.

Joe was trying to do everything he could for Anis. In turn, she hurt him. Because of things he hadn't done. In retaliation for sins that weren't even his, for actions performed by the Commander corps he constantly professed his own hatred for, in no small part for how they treated Nikkes like her.

The man stared at Anis for a few, long moments. Then, in the midst of feeling resentful anger swell in his chest, he stood up, and walked away. Joe knew himself. He knew what happened when he got mad. When he lost his temper—which came so easily to him—he got stupid and impulsive. He said and did things he'd regret. He said 'fuck it' and did things he knew he'd regret out of sheer, overwhelming spite. Salt the Earth, burn the bridge. Fuck it, fuck all of it.

Better that he leave, lest he do or say something he'd regret to Anis, regardless of how much she may well deserve it.

Of course, up and leaving without saying a word after a withering, nearly hateful glower was a telling decision in of itself. Anis shrunk in on herself, lips curling downwards as she could do little other than listen to the man's uncharacteristically heavy footfalls as he stomped away. Joe was so forgiving and considerate. For him to react as he had, after she confronted the gravity of her own behaviour, made such an admission of guilt…

Anis didn't finish her bowl of cereal that morning.



"Joe?" Cinderella's refined, womanly voice called out to him.

The man had departed for the edge of the Outpost, to a low-traffic section that had benches set up for public use, but no real reason to be frequented by what population the settlement had just yet.

He didn't want to go down into the Ark. Basic pattern recognition suggested that he'd run into Privaty if he did so, and he just wasn't in the mood for a date. But he did want to get away from the Command Centre and the girls around him. He wanted time to himself, to settle down, to calm himself and get his thoughts in order.

Luckily, he'd been sitting there, ruminating long enough that he'd largely relaxed, if nothing else. He wasn't good, not by any stretch of the imagination. But he was calm.

Glancing up at Cinderella, she was wearing a hardhat and high-visibility vest over her pretty little sundress. Right, she'd been helping Mighty Tools with construction alongside the rest of Pioneer. Being productive. Which, thinking about it…

"Helping to build homes and such probably feels absolutely wonderful for you girls, huh?" The burly brunet inquired with a small smile.

Cinderella's smile, meanwhile, was absolutely magnificent and downright radiant. "It does," she affirmed his supposition. "After so long, wading through naught but destruction and rot on the surface, seeing almost nothing but ghosts and echoes amidst dust and a century of death… To build homes, to know that we are helping to build up a new settlement for mankind, it feels so wonderful." The silverette said as she removed her hard hat and vest, gracefully striding over to claim the seat next to the Commander.

"Destroying Raptures helps, yes, but, so soon, we shall see these homes abuzz with life and love. It is beautiful. Building something, after losing so much. And it's all because of our reunion with you, Joe," the silverette smiled brilliantly at the man, her eyes glimmering with adoration and gratefulness. "All this time, we would muse about how much better it would be, if only you were here again. Lo and behold…"

Cinderella leaned over, resting her head on Joe's shoulder.

"Thank you, my Prince. For making things so much better for us, just by being here."

That long response caught Joe off guard. He took a long, shaky breath, centring himself after that debacle with Anis…

"-Joe?" Cinderella shifted back up to attention, lifting her head from his shoulder and giving him a disconcerted look. "Your breath is hitching, and your eyes are bloodshot… Are you well?" She reached over, taking the man's hand, entwining her fingers with his.

I'm fine, I just stayed up too late on the computer last night. Tell me more about you girls doing construction work.

The words damn near slipped from his mouth unbidden. Without a thought given, he almost reflexively doubled down on the mistakes he'd been making since his first mission to the surface. A lie, parrying and riposting the truth… When it was Cinderella showing concern.

It was bad. It was so much worse than Joe had even realized it was. Of all the people in the world, Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, and Scarlet were among the last he should ever dare lie to. They had never been anything but his loyal friends and comrades-in-arms, those who had jumped into Hell and fought their way back out with him.

His heartbeat intensified, grimacing heavily as the idea of actually discussing what had happened hit him like a brick. The feeling of opposing a coping mechanism always sucked, didn't it?

Cinderella leaned in further, her expression contorting into one of pure worry. It was so terribly clear that he was in a bad way. She knew him well enough that she could tell, and he couldn't deflect as easily as he could with pretty much anyone that wasn't once a member of Goddess.

"No," Joe forced it out, not letting himself lie to one of his original, still loyal girls, of all people. "I'm not."

The admission came with no small amount of audible strain. His expression falling and chest tightening.

In immediate response, Cinderella slid over to press herself into Joe's side, wrapping her arm around his, and redoubling her hold on his hand as she projected an air of intense focus and concern. "What happened?"

Well. Time to rip the Band-Aid off, and actually begin surgery on the open gunshot wound.

Better late than never, right?
 
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