OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

Unequal Jam.

"Ehhh, basically, we want you to help us win a basketball game," the upright bunny said.

Yuuna blinked and pointed a finger at her chest. "Me?"

"Yeah, who else?" the bunny said. "Look, sis, we've been attacked by alien robots from outer cyberspace and kinda had to bet our lives in a game against 'em. But the aliens stole all the abilities of the NBA players, an' now only the greatest basketball player in history can save us! Will ya do it, Yuuna?"

She grinned widely, eyes shining. "Of course I will...!"

---

"... and then what happened?" Ako asked.

"Well, we played the game, there was a lot of slapstick violence, and it was a really close call, but I won the game, of course!" Yuuna said excitedly. But next she pouted. "And then Skuld woke me up because she wanted her breakfast already..."

Makie sipped her soda noisily and shook her head. "Yuuna-chan, you can be so immature at times!"

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally Mai Ball!

"Kunimitsu-kun!" Reika said as she and Mai stormed in. "Mai and I need to tell you... some... some... thing..."

She and Mai just stared on, pale and huge-eyed, as the young man disentangled himself from the short, thin, short haired kouhai he'd just been French kissing.

He rasped into his fight. "You should knock before entering. Anyway, please meet my girlfriend, Izumi Ako-chan, trainer for the Mahora team..."

Ako blushed very brightly and looked down.

---

"So it's your classmate's fault!" Reika sobbed while refusing to let go of Negi, his head stuck between her breasts. "Turnaround is just fair play...!"

Chisame scowled. "Okay, I can get why you and her would be so irrational about this..." And she barked at the rest of the girls in the bath with them. "But what the hell is YOUR excuse?!"

"We're a team, we have to do everything together!" Kurodate Mitsu said.

"I heard you guys gave beatings to anyone trying to steal your Sensei away from you," Aomi Rinka said. "Where's that fabled kung fu girl now? I brought her brass knuckles and everything..."

 

[OverMaster]

Jaco, the Galactic Patrolman in "Standards."

Jaco was having a boring, uneventful day working behind the desk at the office. He supposed this was much safer than doing patrols, but odds were the boredom would kill him quickly anyway. He was now starting to feel tempted by the idea of just leaving early, since it didn't seem like anything would be happening today...

Then the precint's doors were blown by a mighty kick, and in strode a hulking, white skinned man with long, messy black hair and wearing the black leathers of a biker. "YO!" he bellowed. "I came ta fill a report!"

Jaco's heart stopped for a few beats and he shrank behind the desk. "L-L-L-L-Lobo!"

"Th' one an' only, Clyde!" the huge man said, stomping over to the desk. "I just came back from fraggin' all of planet Lizamia on a contract, see?! All of 'em are kaput now! Finiquito! Pushin' up daisies! That's the first part of my report, ya dweebs better register 'em as extinct from now on, 'cuz when the Main Man pulls a job he leaves no survivors!"

Jaco trembled under the stare of those bloodshot eyes. "And, and, and th-the second part would be...?"

Lobo handled him a disc. "Make sure ta deliver this ta th' Intergalactic Academy! It's got all the social, cultural and political records of Lizamia! Their rich history and arts, recorded f'r posteriorit-- posturnit-- for th' rest of history! I managed to download it from their data banks 'fore blowin' 'em up!"

Jaco blinked. "But... you just killed them all!"

"Yeah, and?"

"You genocided them! So why to do this?!"

Lobo took a hand to his own chest and gasped. "Clyde! I may be genocidal, but culturally genocidal? Just wipin' a whole culture from existence forever?! Whaddya think I am, some kinda monster?!"

 

[OverMaster]

Kobayashi-san's Three Day Weekend.

Friday:

She filled her glass, then gave it a long, enthusiastic sip. Well, enthusiastic for her standards at least.

"This is what I like you about your school," she told the student running the stand. "You don't have the same complexes as the other academies. Where else could you find a school festival that serves the best liquor in the whole district?"

"Oh?" Miki Sayaka asked. "Where do you teach, Ma'am?"

"I'm not a teacher, I just happen to come along every year," the flat chested woman said before downing more of her drink. "I studied here for a couple years but then my parents moved to Tomobiki..."

"Ahhhh," Sayaka said, as she gave her the glass back. The girl refilled it dutifully. "Say, haven't you visited the haunted house yet? I heard it's been a hit all day long, and--"

"Maybe later!" Kobayashi said, feistily taking her next gulp. "I really like this! I can keep going for a while!"

"Yeah, well," Sayaka said, looking at the long line of grownups waiting angrily behind the older female. "Ma'am, I'm afraid we have a policy of limits for each drinker, and you surpassed it four glasses ago..."

---

Saturday:

"I never should have listened to that stupid girl!" Kobayashi screamed as she and Ala Alba ran from the gigantic green reptile with horns chasing them deep under the school. "How, how did I let you involve me with this?!"

"It's your own fault!" Asuna said. "You kept on stumbling piss drunk on whatever we were doing and trying to take pictures!"

"Well, maybe if you hadn't told me you were filming a movie...!"

---

Sunday:

Tohru bowed to her Master. "Sir," she said. "I'm thankful for all these years you've taken care of me. But I've decided I need to leave already, and forge my own fate! Don't worry, I'll write regularly!"

"I still think you're going too far with this," a clearly disturbed Kobayashi said.

"I'm... actually moved, Tohru," the ambiguously handsome man smiled, making an affectation of wiping an imaginary tear from an eye. "To think that you could find true love at last, in this troubled era! I'm so happy for you...!"

"Oh, thank you, thank you, Sir!" the blonde bowed several times.

"We just met yesterday, and I'm a woman!" Kobayashi still protested.

Matoi sniffled. "Ah! Don't they just make the second cutest couple ever, right after the two of us, Chisame-sama...?!"

Chisame looked in sympathy at the office lady. "I've just decided it. No matter what I have thrown on me next, no matter how hard coping may get, I'll never resort to drinking after this cautionary lesson..."

 

[OverMaster]

Dragon Guardian.

Tohru suddenly looked out a window.

"Kobayashi-san," she said. "I think I'll have to absent myself for, an hour or so. Please stay here..."

Kobayashi set her cup of coffee down. "Huh? What's going on?"

Then there was the sound of a distant explosion, and Kobayashi almost fell off her chair. She looked out, just as Tohru ran to the balcony and jumped out, transforming into her dragon form and flying towards the sudden pillar of darkness in the direction of Mahora.

Kobayashi gasped and grabbed her binoculars, focusing them there. There was some manner of vortex in the sky, like in a summer blockbuster, and tiny black specks were flying out of it towards Earth. Kobayashi was fairly sure most of them had to be actually huge up close, and so she gulped, feeling a chill run down her body.

"Dammit, Negi-sensei..." she mused out. "What have you done now...?"

Kanna peeked out of her bedroom, rubbing her sleepy eyes with a small fist. "What's wrong? I heard a noise..."

"Just, just go back to bed, okay?!" Kobayashi asked while throwing a jacket on herself and looking for her keys. "Tohru and I will be back soon enough!"

Kanna sniffed the air. "Ah," she said blandly. "Demon folk invasion, I see..."

Kobayashi was about to scold her on the absurd of that notion, seriously, you're probably just still dreaming, when she heard a loud boom just past their apartment. Her head snapped back just enough as to see Elma's shape zooming across the sky, following Tohru's.

"See?" Kanna said. "It is that serious, if she's getting involved too..."

Kobayashi drooped. "I really, really didn't want to die before my summer vacation was over."

 

[OverMaster]

Meta.

"Okay," Negi said. "Let's start with the suggestions. What do we need to make this story more popular?"

"Less crossovers," Ayaka said.

"More Naruto," Haruna said.

"More actual focus," Asuna said.

"Actually sticking to a regular schedule," Chisame said.

"Jojo's Bizarre Adventure," Makie said.

"Commitment so we can finish what we start," Yuuna s

 

[OverMaster]

Old Friends are a Drag(on).

"Negi-senseiiiii! Guys!" Tohru called out while bashing demons at left and right, storming through the swarming Mahora campus. Everywhere, there were students, teachers and assorted hanger-ons from Mahora and neighboring schools, all fighting the dark horde as best as they could. This was bad, in a way, since Tohru couldn't just transform into her true form or use her full range breath and obliterate the demons without hurting the humans too, but Tohru wasn't certain she could have defeated them all even then.

They were strong for being mazoku cannon fodder-- some of them even took more than one hit to obliterate-- and there seemed to be no end to them as they poured out the dimensional hole above them. The clear course of action would be closing it, but she couldn't do that when she still had to defend those at ground level, and the demons were much more plentiful up there.

Soon enough, a particularly large group of horned devils forced her against someone else's back, where she kept on whacking at them. From the sounds of it, this other person also was doing a real number on them at the same time, but Tohru couldn't see their face until they did a combined swing kick, allowing them to briefly look at each other.

"Ah!" Tohru recognized the other blonde. "Filia?!"

"Lady Tohru?!" the woman in white gasped, in the middle of smashing a demon's head down with her huge mace. "What are you doing here?!"

"I'm working as a maid for the girl I fell in love with!" Tohru smiled brightly while pulverizing a demon under her heel. "You?"

"W-Well, if you need to know, I was approached recently to join the fight against Ialda Baoth, and it happened to spill into this world right now, so I was forced to follow Professor Negi..." Filia Ul Copt explained, batting two grunts into the horizon.

"Oh, so you already know Sensei!" Tohru laughed as she punted another up, way up, back into the vortex. "Wait, Ialda Baoth, you said?! So it's the Mage of the Beginning behind this?!"

"Who else could it be?!" Filia said irritably, stomping on two imps, then screeching as another pulled her hair from behind and tried to claw her eyes out. Tohru helpfully chomped its head off. "Aaaaaahhhh! Thank you. How didn't you even know of her return?!"

"I told you, I've been working as Kobayashi-san's maid..."

"Kobayashi? Oh, that's the name of-- Huh," Filia scowled, seeing a girl with dark skin come closer, grabbing a demon in each hand and smashing them on the pavement. "Tohru, you remember Tamaki, don't you?"

"Tamaki! Of course!" Tohru nodded. "It's been a while, hasn't it? Oh. Oh no, hold on! You're involved with this, aren't you, Tamaki?"

Tamaki looked a bit guilty as she avoided making eye contact with Tohru and threw the broken bodies away. "Of course I'm involved, am I not fighting here with you?"

"I mean you helped cause this!" Tohru accused, hitting a demon rushing at her with her tail. "I know you, Tamaki! You've always been the radical activist type!"

Tamaki pouted. "Can't we discuss this later...?"

Medea passed by riding on a makeshift chariot pulled by a frowning Fafnir and throwing Rays of Light around. "If you people have enough time to engage in casual conversations, then you also could put more attention on the battle...!"

 

[OverMaster]

"It's hopeless," Itoshiki-sensei said, looking up at the tall, lean figure of the Mage of the Beginning, or rather the host body she had taken, rise above the Mahora grounds. The host's hood, pulled all the way back, hovered in the charged air, and Negi, supported on Chisame while Konoka healed him, winced at the sight of his face.

"F-Father...!"

"He can't hear you," Urd said grimly, unable to do anything but watching as, with a mere gesture of a hand, Ialda Baoth pulled up on the World Tree, its branches sprouting thin silver lines that turned black as they shot into the sky. "He's linking Midgard to Asgard, effectively turning the Tree into an extension of Yggdrasil itself. Once he's completed the code and downloaded it, he'll be able to just rewrite this reality however he pleases."

"Not him," Negi said, pulling back to his feet and gripping tightly on the bandaged staff. "That's not him doing that! If only I'd managed, to go all the way...!"

"It... It wouldn't help you any better than my own condition has helped me, Boya," Evangeline admitted, helped up by Karin. "For once Despair is correct. I cannot see any way out of this situation..."

"I can," Skuld said, crouched onto the ground and using her thermal knife to carve a complicated diagram on a big enough piece of pavement that hadn't been shattered yet. "I won't give up just yet! Not after going so far!"

"What... What are you trying to do, Sku-chan?" Keiichi asked, still holding Belldandy's unconscious body in his arms.

Skuld chanted, gruffly, on a hoarse throat. Ancient words that nobody present but her eldest sister and that sister's other half-sister recognized. The back of Urd's neck crawled. "Skuld! Surely you aren't going to...!"

"Is she... going to call on Mother, poyo?" Zazie asked warily, approaching to hear better over the thunder of reality coming apart around the Tree.

"Worse!" Urd said, pushing Zazie back with herself. "Skuld, you insensate! She's not going to listen!"

Skuld ignored her, finishing the chant and then slamming her mallet at the middle of the glowing diagram. "She'll have to!" the youngest Norn roared, and then an explosion of light came from the carving, pushing Ala Alba and their allies back.

When the light subsided a few moments after, a young woman with short pink hair and pink eyes stood before Skuld, staring in contempt at her.

"Why are you bothering me?" the stranger asked, making Urd and Zazie recoil in shock. Tohru, Kanna, Fafnir, Tamaki and Elma all reacted instinctively, stepping back and shielding their loved ones, squinting at the newly arrived female. "You of all people shouldn't obstruct the judgement on mortals. The offenses brought to your sister-"

"Don't give me that, Gaia," Skuld coldly told her. "I have no time for your bull right now. And you only care about what they did to you."

"I have every right to," the other entity replied, and Urd began gesturing frantically at Skuld to shut up. "Are you going to try and convince me to act on their behalf, right after pulling me from my throne, and my enjoyment of their final fate?"

"No. I'm going to force you," Skuld said, holding a cellphone up. "I've just texted Alaya, he says he's going to allow Protocol 7,7777777, and as soon as you provide the mana flux, we'll be all set."

Gaia, in the young human body wearng gym clothes that she had chosen for herself, raised an eyebrow. "And I will do that, because...?"

Then she took a hand to her throat and gasped for air, loudly. She shook, shaking, even as so did the ground under her, shockwaves of growing intensity rippling past Mahora.

Skuld smirked. Her cellphone glowed with the same combination of silver and black present in the lines pulling Yggdrasil towards Earth at Ialda's command. "You always were bad at figuring advanced logistics out, old timer. With that witch breaking the barriers, anyone with an access can connect to our codes, including yours, and hack them out. I've rigged your programming, Gaia. It'll be deactivated as soon as the last human body on either Earth is decomposed and assimilated."

"You... You insane wreck...! Y-You are worse than Aqua...!"

"What, what is she even saying?" Misa asked Urd. "I don't understand anything!"

"If the Lifemaker succeeds and mankind is pulled into her Cosmo Entelecheia, a failsafe will be triggered and Gaia's body will collapse from the inside. That will, most likely, make Earth explode," Urd answered out a corner of her mouth.

Misa and the others paled. "Oh," she said in a very low voice. "I, I see..."

"F-Fine," Gaia said, crouching and slamming a hand on Skuld's carvings. "Fine! H-Have it your way! But this will go into your records...!"

"Yeah, well, let's see if you guys can make it without the Future," Skuld huffed, also crouching and barely docking one of the many chunks of ground flying from the immediate surroundings of the Tree. "The sooner we're done, the sooner you can leave to badmouth me before the Council!"

Gaia seethed, and then chanted reluctantly, joined by Skuld. "Fill. Fill. Fill. Fill. Fill. Let each be turned over five times, simply breaking asunder the fulfilled time..."

Shirou blinked, staggering close. "W-Wait a sec! Are you...?!"

Rin tightly grabbed him by a sleeve and pulled him back. "Shhhhhh!"

These two rivals, the ancient Will of the natural world and the presence of a realm yet there to come, kept on talking in synchrony. "Let silver and steel be the essence. Let stone and the archduke of contracts be the foundation. Let black be the color I pay tribute to. Let rise a wall against the wind that shall fall. Let the four cardinal gates close..."

Negi then shook in pain, a pain that rippled from the back of his right hand and whipped through his already battered body. So did Chisame and Konoka, actually, and while he couldn't realize it right then, so did almost everyone else present. Shirou closed his eyes and breathed tumultuosly, hearing a faint encouraging voice in his mind.

The Lifemaker lifted his head from his work, almost finished, and paused at it to project his hand towards their direction. He shot a massive surging pillar of darkness from his palm, one that grew in size instantly to be as large as a building, but even as it flew to obliterate them, Asuna, who had not been incapacitated by pain nor had the red silhouettes appearing on her hand, dashed to meet the incoming attack.

Once it had almost reached ground level, she hefted Ensis Exorcizans and blocked it, the wave immediately exploding it place, forcing her to her knees but not making her collapse completely. Obstinately, she held her ground, fighting the force back as it dissipated into small black shreds falling like contaminated snow around the others before disappearing.

"Let it be declared now; your flesh shall serve under me, and my fate shall be with your sword!" Skuld and Gaia shouted, bringing their hands together, fingers intertwined. "Submit to the beckoning of the Holy Grail! Answer, if you would submit to this will and this truth!"

Makie let out a sharp cry, arching back where she stood. Saeki whimpered several times, grabbing her hand as if it was going to burst at any moment. Shiguma Rika, with shiny eyes and a fascinated smile, stared at hers and ignored the crippling burning sensation.

"An oath shall be sworn here! I shall attain all virtues of all of Heaven; I shall have dominion over all evils of all of Hell!"

Urd took Belldandy from Keiichi's arms, as he was breathing laboriously and about to stumble down in a daze. "You're a good man, Kei," she told him. "Just a bit more, please. One way or another, you'll be done with this soon..."

Skuld and the living terminal of the Earth glared angrily at each other's eyes. "From the Seventh Heaven, attended to by three great words of power, come forth from the ring of restraint, protector of the holy balance!" they screamed together, all but spitting on each other's face, and then everyone was bombarded several steps back, bowling over across the ground and bathed by an overwhelming white light.

 

[OverMaster]

The Joker Reforms!

He walked out of Arkham Asylum and took a big breath of warm morning air.

"I'm tired of showbiz," he told the doctor. "There's no point to it, in today's climate."

"Uh-huh," the doctor said.

"Nobody appreciates it anyway, so why should I care?" he said, gesturing with his hands. "I'm going to live for myself from now on! I'll just get myself a normal job and collect, I don't know, stamps or old coins to kill time..."

"That's fine, please just leave already," the doctor said.

And so, he did.

---

He sat on the sidewalk with a dejected look, the McDonald's and the whole city block it had been in burning behind him.

"I really tried!" he complained as Batman arrived, swinging down from above. The Joker threw his apron down and stomped on it. "I actually tried my best...!"

Then he reached into his shirt and pulled a hamburger out. "Here, I even had saved one for you and everything," he grumpily told the Batman.

The vigilante looked into it. "Hnh. It's got pickles. I don't like pickles..."

 

[OverMaster]

Mom.

"Natsumi-chan," Yuuna approached her after classes. "I need your help."

Natsumi blinked. "Eh?"

---

"This is the only way I can follow her around, she's just too good at detecting people," Yuuna said as they followed Caster out of the Akashi residence, a resigned Murakami using her Artifact and Yuuna keeping her hand grabbed. "Every Sunday, she leaves for hours and won't tell me where to! I'm sure she's doing something horrible somewhere!"

Natsumi had to admit Yuuna might have a point when Caster led them to the local graveyard. "Is she going to gather Dragon Tooth warriors?" she wondered.

"This way... no, it can't be," Yuuna gasped. "The nerve of this woman! She's going there...!"

"Huh?"

Yuuna seethed madly as Medea knelt before a grave. "I can't believe it! She's going to mock her! Or worse, place a curse on her soul! This damn woman! She's so petty...!"

Caster pulled a small bouquet of flowers out of her handbag, placed them delicately on the grave, and said "Thank you, once again, for caring after him all those years. This week, too, I've done my best for him. So you don't have to worry."

Caster closed her eyes, brought her hands together, and began praying in Greek.

Natsumi had to take hold of Yuuna and support her, since she all but collapsed on her legs then.

---

"What-- What have you just called me?" Medea blinked, staring in shock at her.

Yuuna looked aside, blushing uncomfortably, and mumbled, "... I said thank you, Mama, are you deaf? That's all I--"

Akashi-sensei only could stare on, baffled out of his mind, as Caster just jumped over the table to hug his daughter tightly, cooing in delirious joy.

All of this over her simply handing her over the salt shaker!?

 

[OverMaster]

The Truth is, Only One of Them Is. The Other One Doesn't Know It.

"Negi-kun," Makie said. "You know everything there is to know about magic, don't you?"

"Well, obviously, not absolutely everything, Makie-san."

"But you know if Penn and Teller are real mages or not, don't you?"

Negi laughed. "Oh, Makie-san! Of course they... they..." He trailed off as his eyes widened slowly. "... they..."

---

"Why can't you just sleep already?" Chisame grunted, rolling back on the bed to face him.

Negi was still staring blankly at the ceiling. "I don't know... I just don't know...!"

 

[OverMaster]

Forbidden Fruit.

"I'm Seigel," the girl bowed. "Pleased to meet you."

"Ah! So cute!" Asuna gushed. "Skuld, this time you've surpassed yourself!"

Skuld rasped uneasily. "Well, yes, of course. To be honest, Makie and Keiichi helped... a little..."

"Yes!" Makie grinned. "She's our first daughter!"

Keiichi and Skuld began choking in their saliva.

Seigel looked back at Makie. "All you did was handing them pieces and tools as they worked, Mom."

"You're still calling her 'mom' though!" Skuld shrieked.

Lala smiled and put her hands on Makie's shoulders. "Congratulations, fellow mother! We have so much to share ahead, in the long but rewarding road of unconventional motherhood!"

"Don't you start with that again, Princess!" Zero Two growled.

---

Back at the Kaname residence, Homura blinked at the hair she had just plucked while combing herself before the mirror. "A gray one? Already?"

 

[OverMaster]

Limits.

"Belldandy, now that you're feeling better, we need to talk," Urd told her. "No doubt you have noticed that, in this lifetime, Keiichi and Skuld have grown quite close."

Bell nodded. "That's... okay. I wasn't ever there for him, and she was. I've made my peace with it."

"Peorth has also attached herself to him."

"Well, that's to be expected from Peorth, isn't it?"

"And Rind."

"I'm sure she didn't mean to..."

"That's right, but Adenela has fallen in love with him as well."

"... I see. W-Well, if someone could bring her out of her depression, naturally that would be Keiichi-san."

"And Ishtar and Eresh."

"Ahhhhhh. W-Well, I do hope that Ishtar has learned a thing or two on true love during the time I was absent..."

"And... and me," Urd said, quietly shrinking back just a little.

"Oh, Urd! I know you'd never do anything to hurt me! Things must have just happened, why are you so--"

"And Aqua."

Belldandy's eyes turned crimson.

From the South tower of the Ostian palace where Skuld and Aqua had been, they saw the North tower explode.

Skuld looked at Aqua. "Run," she adviced her.

 

[OverMaster]

My Fault.

"Go and give Harley-san this, will you, Senpai?" Minako said, dropping a big stack of just washed and dried clothes to Keiichi.

Keiichi sighed and began heading for the room Dr. Quinzeel and Dr. Isley had been given in the palace while the whole mess between Mundus Magicus and Vetus was sorted out. He found Ivy standing by the door, with her arms folded, and she stared coldly at him. "What are you doing here?" she asked him.

"Um, Aino-san sent me to give this to Harley-sensei, she--"

She took it from him. "I'll give it to her as soon as she's done. She won't be seeing anyone until dinner, at earliest."

Keiichi blinked. "Why? Ah, I mean, not that it's any business of mine, but--"

Isley frowned and looked down. "Today is the anniversary of the day she first met the Joker."

"Oh," Morisato said quietly. "Oh, I see. Of course. That... That can't be easy to forget. One way or another, it still has to hurt her, right..."

"She isn't feeling bad for herself or missing him, if that's what you mean, at least not anymore," Ivy said. "It's grown more complex than that."

Kneeling on the floor in the locked room, Harleen stared at the thick scrapbook held on her lap. The newspaper and magazine clippings stared back at her. So many faces. So many crushed and destroyed lives. Obituaries, too. So many of them.

"Please forgive me," Harley gurgled again, on a dry throat, for there were always moments where she would run out of laughter and she would have to remember. She would have to be reminded of things that never could be undone, no matter how far she escaped from them. "Please..."

But, of course, the pieces of paper never could do that.

 

[OverMaster]

Kaguya-sama: Love is War. And Hatred is Cold War.

They were back in Shizuru's limousine now, silently uncomfortable as they were driven back to Mahora.

"The President and the Vice President are involuted in some illegicit relationship, I'm sure," Haruka grumbled as soon as they were at enough distance of the rival campus.

"Not yet," Fujino calculated, "but soon enough, yes."

"That's deploratable," Haruka seethed.

"For once we can agree," Shizuru nodded.

A vein bulged on Suzushiro's head. "The example they should be setting for their students...!"

Silence returned to the limo.

"Very well, this is what we will do," Shizuru said at last. "During the Festival, we will approach Fujiwara-san and... influence her to... do the right thing and help expose this, by then no doubt full blown, ahem, illegicit relationship. With both Shirogane-san and Shinomiya-san out of the way, Mahora can help establish Fujiwara-san as their new President, ushering on a new regime more agreeable with our collective interests..."

Haruka, who by now had learned a few things on true friendship from her time with Ala Alba, raised a hand and blandly karate chopped her on the head. "How foolish! Fujiwara-san is a Makie! Makies never betray anyone, Bubuzuke!"

Somewhere under the Mahora campus, Sasaki Makie sneezed.

Chao looked at her, over the plans she'd been showing the Sports Quartet for the Mahorafest. "Bless you."

"I'm not sure I deserve that!" Makie whined. "Suddenly, I feel like such a heel...!"

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Batman.

The Bat stuffed the beaten man's hat down so it covered his eyes, and then, to add insult to injury, began typing him up to the lamppost. At least he's not pulled my pants down, the criminal thought bitterly as the vigilante pulled out a small red phone out and began grumbling into it.

Mortimer Drake thought he recognized the word 'Gordon' in the Bat's grumblings, which made sense. The call was predictably short and terse, and then the Bat began walking away. "The police will be here to pick you up soon," he said without looking back.

"Wait," Drake said. "The boy. Where is he?"

The Batman paused.

"It's true, isn't it?" the costumed criminal asked. "Croc, Ivy, Getaway Genius… they're all saying it, that they haven't seen the boy in months now. And they also were right, in that you are more brutal now…" he added, wincing in pain, as the jaw bothered him when he spoke.

Batman said nothing.

"Nobody's seen him or the Joker since that fiasco at the UN…" Drake reflected aloud.

Batman began walking away again. Mortimer couldn't see him doing so, of course, but he could tell from the footsteps.

"Wait, Batman," Drake said, very seriously. "You know that I've always thought of you as a worthy opponent. The only one I have, as a matter of fact. Thus… I'm sorry for your loss. Really. You know I never tried to hurt the boy. Not really."

Batman paused once more.

"Thanks, Cavalier," he said finally, at melted into the darkness.

"I'm sorry I can't take my hat off, but I'm sure you'll understand."

The patrol cars arrived two minutes after that.

---

Scooby Doo.

They told all sorts of cruel joke stories about the annoying puppy, in the circles of amateur detectives with quirky exotic pets.

Nobody could stand that little yapping thing whenever they teamed up with Mystery Inc., or whenever there was a meeting of the Society, so they'd make all sort of bogus stories about him, behind the backs of Fred and the bunch. That they'd just dropped at one side of the road in a desert, or that they'd unmasked him as one of the monsters and sent him to the pound, or that one of the real monsters—they were rare, but in this business you actually ran into real monsters every once in a while, provided you lasted enough—had eaten him whole.

In truth, the change was so gradual that the outsiders never realized it. As time went on, the big old dog became older and slower, and his voice would not resemble actual words anymore, as much as senile mumblings. And the puppy grew bigger, much bigger, with the usual size of his breed.

The old, tired, cowardly dog would start staying in the van, not so much of fear anymore, but of exhaustion, and illness, and he would sleep for hours there, happily oblivious to enigmas and scans and even those infrequent actual monsters. And the pup, now a full grown, young dog, would go in his stead, the exhuberance of childhood lost, each encounter making him more careful, each close shave with death making him drop more and more of his bravado.

And then one day the old dog stayed asleep in the van, this time forever, and the young dog howled for hours for his uncle, but life goes on. It has to. Some things never change anyway. Even when they do.

"C'mon, Scrappy," Shaggy clapped softly, beckoning for his pet after the latest arrest. "Let's go home."

The chief of police blinked behind his spectacles. "Scrappy? Say, wasn't his name Scooby? I think that's how I remember it anyway."

Shaggy smiled sadly, scratching the dog between the ears. "Yeah, well. Like, you know how it is. He was a good ol' boy."

---

Lassie.

"Bark, bark! Woof!" the dog said, sitting on the kitchen's floor.

"What is it, Lassie?" the woman stopped cooking.

"Bark, bark, bark! Woof! Woof!"

"What?!" the woman said, right before Lassie bit her skirt and began pulling on it. "Oh my God! Did something happen to Timmy?!"

The dog guided her outside, racing to an old well near the abandoned property of Mr. Smith. A faint voice came from its bottom. "—assie! –ssie!"

"Oh dear goodness!" the mother rushed to the well, leaning ahead to look into the pich black darkness. "Timmy! Hang on there, dear!"

"—om?" the voice said. "—om, --ware! –ware of –assie!"

"What? What?!" she asked, leaning even closer and perking her ear even as Lassie stood behind her. "I can't hear you! Are you hurt, Tim-YYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!" she screamed as Lassie pushed her with a rather strong shove of the nose, and she plummeted into the darkness.

Lassie ran back home, tail wagging happily.

She sat on the floor before the balding man on the couch, smoking his pipe and reading the newspaper.

"Bark, bark! Woof!"

He lowered the paper and frowned. "What is that, Lassie? Did something happen to Mabel…?"

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

G.I. Joe.

"Duke, I've got bad news for you," his doctor told him. "You've got terminal throat and lung cancer from the gas you breathed in that raid on Cobra."

"Oh, God, no!" Duke gasped. "No, it can't be!"

"Yes, it can," the doctor nodded solemnly. "Now you know."

They both turned towards the camera and smiled.

"And knowing is half the battle!" they said.

G.I. JOEEEEEEEEEE!

---

Ranma ½.

"I don't understand, Saotome-kun," Tendo Soun said as he sat with his friend on the porch of his house. "Why didn't you just jump into the Spring of Drowned Man while you still were in China?"

Saotome Genma scratched his cheek. "Well, yes, Tendo-kun, I thought of that, actually, but…"

---

"Spring of Drowned Man? No, honorable sirs!" the Jusenkyo Guide said. "I never hear of such spring! And I know all springs on these grounds!"

"What?!" Ranma screamed, grabbing him by the shirt. "Say it ain't so, Old Man!"

"I afraid so, young master!" the Guide swallowed. "There be no Spring of Drowned Man, sorry!"

Genma rubbed his chin. "Well, there may not be a Spring of Drowned Man…" And he smirked to himself, looking at a Chinese farmer obliviously working the rice fields. "… yet…"

---

"But right when it was done and we were about to jump in, the local police arrived, and we had to scram!" Genma said with agitation. "We're heading back as soon as things cool down a little, though."

"… I see…" a now visibly disturbed Soun said.

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Re-Animator.

When the skies turned red and all sorts of unusual, strange characters appeared from beyond, Doctor West was the only one who wasn't even fazed.

While we all ran and hid, Doctor West simply kept on living as usual, only strolling out during the pauses in the fighting. We'd send him out for food while he was at it, which admittedly was selfish of us, but it was obvious, even then, that his main interests at the time, as ever, lay in another direction. If I had known, back then, the kind of man he was, I wouldn't have felt badly for him.

But even though I did, I never stopped him either. So I suppose that, in my own way, I'm not much better.

He'd return with just enough supplies to sustain himself and us, but he mostly would care about the large, clearly heavy bags he dragged into the basements of the faculty, accepting no questions or help, and there he would lock himself up for hours, if not days.

In the meanwhile, the rest of us would look out through the windows and pray. Us, men and women of science, most of whom had mocked such beliefs before the event. But could we be blamed? We even would catch glimpses of superhumanly powerful beings battling in the streets while claiming godhood, and backing their boasts with tremendous displays devastating whole city blocks.

Eventually, before we could suffer the same fate, the disaster seemed to stop. Calm returned almost overnight, and the skies cleared up into blue clarity. We breathed out in relief, and only then, we realized we hadn't seen Doctor West in a week, more or less. It was-- is, even now-- difficult to tell the time with precision then, and nowadays.

I was sent to check on him.

"Doctor?" I tapped my knuckles on the basement's doors. "Doctor, it's me. We think it's safe now. The Dean called for you, we are going out now..."

"Ah," his soft, measured voice said then. "That is good. So are we."

And I was sent back, almost flying from the force of the doors being slammed outwardly on my face. As I fell on the floor and blinked in confusion, I saw the placidly smiling Doctor West stepping out, his coat soaked in dry blood and gore, his arms folded behind his back. Behind him, patched together and shambling miserably like mockeries of rotting life, five creatures in costumes, much like those of the champions who had haunted us during the Crisis.

A young woman dressed like a bat. A man in a red devil costume. A masked man in red and blue, the emblem of a spider on his chest. A young girl, barely above the age of a child, who once had been beautiful, in an altered Japanese sailor suit, like a modified schoolgirl. A tall man in blue chainmail and wielding a blood-caked round shield.

Doctor West looked down at me, almost benevolently. "I have learned a lot about them during these dark days, my friend," he said. "Even when they die, they always find a way to come back. I just gave them a new one."

I've always tried to be as strong a man as I could be. But right then, I will not lie, I fainted.

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Hunter x Hunter.

The author is suffering from acute back pain, so there'll be no Hunter x Hunter segment in this fanfiction for this week.

---

Please Don't Bully Me, Nagatoro.

She showed up one morning, rubbing her nose with a goofy smirk.

"Ah, Senpai!" she said. "That was a rough month, but I'm fine now, I beat the coronavirus! Too bad you haven't beaten your geeky, dorky nat--"

"Who are you?" he asked her.

"Eh?! Senpai, I know it suits you, but don't play idiot! It's me, Nagatoro!"

"Why are you white?"

"The hell?! I've always been white! I was just tanned, but I had to spend a month bedridden indoors, so--!"

"See you later," he said in complete, cold disinterest, and just walked away.

"..." Nagatoro said, her eyes becoming tiny black dots.

Yoshi walked in. "Oh, hey! So you're up again, that's a--"

"TAKE ME SOMEWHERE WITH TANNING BEDS RIGHT NOW OR ELSE!" the other girl said, grabbing her by the collar rather violently.

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

One Piece.

He still could hear his partners fiercely fighting for their lives behind him.

He still valued their lives, and their friendship, more than anything else in the world. Even so, the fact remained that there could be only one King of Pirates, and even someone as dense as Luffy D. Monkey could understand that. So did his crew. This last step was something he'd have to take on his own while he trusted his crewmates on doing their part as ever.

Luffy pushed the old gigantic doors open, and had he been smarter, he'd realized they didn't creak or were rusty. Inside, there was a huge chamber of treasures, filled to the ceiling at both sides with incredible riches that made his jaw slacken in awe, even after everything he'd lived through.

But the most surprising part was that, at the middle of it all, at the end of a narrow path cleared by the absence of treasure in his way, there was a large throne, and on it, a large, grinning man.

Luffy recognized the face from all the posters all around the globe. "You!"

"Aye," the legendary figure stepped down, a hand drawing his sword out. "Gol D. Roger, at your service! Congratulations, m'boy! You have just found the One Piece!"

"But… you were…!"

"Dead? HAW!" the ultimate pirate laughed. "A Pirate King doesn't die so easily, beheaded like a dog by mere sailors! I left a lookalike, a soundalike, behind, to entertain those government dogs! I threatened his family so he would play long! He was a result, maybe, from Pappy's trysts while dear ol' mom was still pregnant…" At this point he fumed quietly, brow furrowing with bitter memories of a long gone childhood. The toothy, colossal smile returned just as soon. "Are you shocked, son? Don't be! That's the way a true pirate must be! Heartless, merciless! If a child has a gold coin, you will chop his hand off and take it!"

Luffy frowned. "So, the One Piece…"

"Aye. You're right." Roger gave another, sonorous step towards him. "That's me! Oh, there is treasure, alright, as you can see. And with his last breath, that rat played one on me, sending you yahoos and dreamers after my retirement. But that's fine! I won't get bored, if more like you happen to find their way here. Come at me, lad! Test your worth against the King of Pirates!"

Luffy grinned, a glint in his eye. "Former King!" he corrected with great delight, and both men threw themselves at each other.

---

Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Early April, 1969:

He entered the small business, leaving the fresh smells of the spring behind himself when closing the door, just in case.

The dependant, a man with a strikingly familiar face and short black hair, stepped out of the back wiping his wet hands with a cloth. "Ah, welcome! Welcome, good sir!" he greeted the stranger feistily. He'd never seen him in town, so he had to be a tourist. That was good, no, great, as tourists always paid well. "How can I help you?"

"I'm visiting some friends for the week, and I'd like a pair of good local shoes to take home," the big man with the eyepatch said, sitting on a chair as the other man approached him diligently. The visitor took a good look at his face and marveled inwardly. It was him indeed. Just like Pat had told him…

"We've taken care of all loose ends by now," the liaison to the Secretary of Defense said, "but one. Name's Gerhard Kruptt, living in a no name village by the Black Forest. A shoemaker."

"And you need me to go check on a shoemaker?" Fury huffed angrily.

"After the latest fiasco with the Hate Monger, the Secretary would rather take no chances at all," the thin, small, frail man in the gray suit said. "Any clone might behave actual knowledge, and the will to enforce it. The means, even. They asked for an elite agent just to err on the safe side."

Fury sighed. Even his sighs were hoarse, gruff and manly. "Awright. I guess I can take this as paid vacation…"

He looked at the portraits by the small chimney while the other man took the measures of his feet. "Your family?"

"Ja," he said. "Those are my parents, living at the other side of the valley, and those are my wife and our children. Elsa's birthday is next week, so…"

"I'll even throw a tip if the shoes are good," the foreigner promised.

The cobbler seemed mildly offended. "I didn't mean that, sir."

"Sorry. American ways, I'm afraid."

"That's fine. I understand," the shoemaker shrugged, pulling back from his crouching position at his feet. American tourists were the ones who paid the best after all. A pity they were so uncommon nowadays.

"Excuse me for another burst of American indiscretion," the man puffing on the cigar said, his single eye still resting on one of the portraits, "but your parents don't look a lot like you."

"I'm adopted," the shoemaker said. "Left on his doorstep, literally. Like a fairy tale, ja?" he said, chuckling as if that was funny in any way.

The man with the eyepatch looked at him again. He was clean shaved, and the hairstyle was different, of course, but otherwise, he was Adolf's identical image, back during the days of his youth.

The gun hidden by Fury's hip seemed to beckon, to itch, even, if such a thing was possible, which of course, it wasn't. Save yourself some trouble along the way, it said. Just shoot him just in case, nobody will ever know or care. The boys will cover you all the way. The Soviets will be happy, too.

But then, his eye rested on the other portrait again. He saw the contented children in the arms of his father, and the smiling large woman by their side, face full of freckles.

"Sir?" the cobbler repeated himself. "I asked if Monday will be fine with you…"

"Huh? Ah, yes, of course," the American said. "Monday. Right."

"Thanks for being so understanding," the other man said. "I've got a busy schedule right now, what with the birthday and all, and Widow Johanna paid for shoes for all her boys too, but I'll have yours by then, I promise. You won't be leaving town before then, ja?"

"No. No, I won't," Fury lied, standing up and dropping several coins on the shoemaker's hand. "Make sure they're darn good ones, though."

The man with Hitler's face smiled and nodded. "I'll do my best as ever, sir!"

Nick Fury left the small workshop behind. He pulled out a small futuristic device and made a call.

"It's me. Let's leave this guy alone. He's clean. I can tell."

He paused and chuckled to himself.

"'Sides, if you ask me, I don't think they even look alike at all…!"

 

[Akuma-Heika]

"Gol D. Roger,

Click to shrink...

FTFY

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Charlie Chan.

"You know what's the most disappointing part?" the murderer said. "He never fell from a fourth story to land on a pile of laundry, or fought on tensed wire, or was punched three times through a hall of mirrors..."

"I believe you are thinking of the wrong Chan," the policeman handcuffing him answered. "That one hasn't even been born yet."

---

Disney's Aladdin.

They rested on the bed now, sweating as the moonlight filtered through the large window.

"It was great, wasn't it?" a satisfied Aladdin asked.

Jasmine looked out. In the royal gardens, Rajah was rolling on the grass as he prepared himself to sleep. She looked at his lower belly, then glanced quietly at her new husband's lower section, and sighed quietly to herself.

"Yes," she said, somewhat blandly. "It was... good."

---


Azumanga Daioh.

We don't really have class reunions like the Americans do.

That's a pity, I think.

I could use one. I haven't seen any of the girls in over a decade now.

I don't even remember Sakaki's full name anymore.

They left me their phone numbers when we graduated, of course, but I lost them all when I went to study overseas. After returning to Japan, I found Tomo's, since she'd written it in one of my notebooks, but when I called, it'd been reassigned to an okonomiyaki place. Or maybe it'd been their number all along. You never knew with Tomo.

We separated before online socialization was a big thing, you have to understand. None of us thought of leaving a Twitter account, or even a Facebook. My God... it's been so long. The mind boggles.

I think I once saw Yomi-san in a mall, from afar, but I called out to her and she didn't answer, maybe she didn't notice me. I lost her in a crowd right away so I guess I'll never know.

I have tried visiting the old neighborhood but they all have moved away. I suppose I could always look for them further online regardless, but if they married, I wouldn't know their new names, and anyway, I suppose that I'm kind of afraid. I don't know what I would do, how would I feel, if I ever learned any of them has died.

But if one of them is reading this, please remember, Chiyo-chan still thinks of you. And I still love all of you so very much. I always will.

I run into Kimura-sensei all the time, though. Figures.

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Fate.

He approached the door of Shirou's room.

He heard soft, small grunts of concentrated activity inside, and smiled to himself. Surely the boy was getting used to that new videogame he'd bought for him. Good, that should keep his mind busy and his energies focused on something else for a change.

"Hey, Shirou!" Emiya Kiritsugu said while pushing the door open. "Are you winning, son?"

And then he gasped in shock, catching the redhaired boy with one of his old books open before him, and trying frantically to cast a spell.

"Gahhhhh!" Shirou screamed in shame, pulling back. "Old man! Knock before coming in, will you?!"

It was then that Kiritsugu truly realized that his son was a chronic hero.

He pointed at the lad and barked in frustration. "Your hands will grow hair all over, you know!"

---

Baywatch.

CJ Parker ran down the clear sands of the beach, under a scalding summer Sun.

Her large, firm breasts bounced in tandem with each step of her bare feet.

Her skin glistened on sweat, making her red onepiece swimsuit cling even tighter to her tanned skin.

Her long blonde hair trailed behind her as--

"Hey, buddy," David Hasselhoff told me, grabbing my camera. "You're kind of going too far here, aren't you?"

I tried to protest my constant surveillance of her was necessary for the purposes of my documentation for this story, but he didn't listen and threw me off the beach.

So I'm sorry this segment can't have a punchline.

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

The Sandman.

The pale young woman finished dusting the last table off, then smiled at her task.

Everything was quiet and clean. All of it, so pleasant to look at. So she made sure to give it a very good last look, smiling to herself.

"So long, everyone," she said to nobody in particular. "It was my pleasure."

She turned around and quietly exited through the door, closing firmly after herself.

She'd never known what there was supposed to be beyond that door, and she tried not to think too much about it, but now she understood.

"Ah," Death said, the last word in existence.

The whiteness enveloped her.

---

Aa! Megamisama!

The Past, the Present and the Future.

The Maiden, the Mother and the Crone.

The Id, the Ego, and the Superego.

The Wyrd Sisters.

They all leaned towards the cauldron, reciting as they mixed its contents together.

"Double, double toil and trouble;" Urd chanted. "Fire burn and caldron bubble. Fillet of a fenny snake, in the caldron boil and bake."

The liquid broiled and bubbled, gaining a slightly greenish hue.

"Eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog. Adder's fork and blind-worm's sting, lizard's leg and howlet's wing," Belldandy sang.

A war, soothing scent filled the air, wafting from the cauldron and its arcane formula.

"For a charm of powerful trouble, like a hell-broth boil and bubble!" Skuld giggled, putting an electric mixer in the preparation and turning it on.

They waited, and then brought their voices together as one.

"Double, double toil and trouble; fire burn and caldron bubble! Cool it with a baboon's blood, then the charm is firm and good!"

---

Keiichi tasted the stew and smiled uneasily.

"It's great as ever, girls, but do you really have to do it that exact way whenever you cook together?"

 

[OverMaster]

Servants who Never Should be Summoned.

---

Caster.

The bat-garbed Avenger warned her. "Don't get too close to him. I know him well. He is not, by any stretch, a good person."

Nursery Rhyme smiled. "Oh! If he likes Alice so much, he must be a good person deep inside!"

---

Avenger waited patiently until her return.

"Are you aware now?" he asked her when she came back in, with a blank look and a total lack of expression.

"Yes," she blandly told the Batman, while sitting now. "Yes, I see now. You were right..."

 

[OverMaster]

One of Us.

"Let me see," Fairy Gawain said, grabbing Asuna by the cheeks and pulling her closer.

"Mmmwwttd dddyyyy thhhnk yuhr duin'!" Asuna said, angrily trying to kick her back. "Hiiiiit huuuutssss!"

"They aren't false?" the huge woman blinked, staring deeply into Asuna's eyes.

And then she drew her into a tight hug. "Whatever your origins are, you were created from our flesh and blood! Welcome home, sister!"

Arika hummed thoughtfully. "Well, that would fit in with some theories about the origins of our lineage."

Asuna gasped madly for air. "Let me goooo! You, you're choking me out...!"

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Sonichu.

... no. I couldn't have done that even under 'normal' circumstances...

Moving on.

---

Johnny Test.

"This," Mary said proudly, "is my latest invention! An algorithm that will automatically delete any negativity posted in the Internet! Thus, only leaving room for constructive discussion leading to mankind's development!"

"Um, are you sure about that, Sis?" Johnny said. "Is that even possible?"

Susan shrugged as she stood along him and Duke, arms folded behind her back. "Let her try. The results should be, at the very least, interesting to observe."

"I am inserting it right now!" Mary said while typing. "It will spread instantly like a benign virus across the world, taking advantage of every network! In only a few minutes, we should witness the reaction...!"

She pulled back, looking rather satisfied of herself, and began waiting.

After several minutes, the screen exploded on her face.

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

She sat dejectedly in the flames of Hell, shaking her head.

"This isn't fair!" the young woman lamented, truck wheelprints still fresh on her body. "I never wanted to be a Devil worshipper, Archie Comics forced me to!"

---

The Phantom.

The large, muscular masked man in purple tights hovered over him.

"I'm the Phantom, the Ghost who Walks!" he intoned deeply, with a powerful and rich voice. "Sworn Protector of the Bangalian jungle! State your purpose, intruder! For the Phantom smashes all evil entering his domain!"

"Dude, I was just taking a shortcut through the park!" the smaller man said, then took a look all around the small patch of trees and grass amidst the huge, decaying, smog filled Third World metropolis. "Bangalian jungle? Seriously?!"

The masked stranger still blocking his way seethed. "Well, it used to be a gigantic, majestic jungle back in the day, for real! Not even the Phantom could stop urbanization, okay?!"

 

[OverMaster]

Servants who Never Should be Summoned.

---

Avenger.

Lancer smirked at the man who had just appeared between him and his prey. "What a surprise, kid, you are a Master after all!"

Shirou blinked. "Master? Master of what?"

"Your Servant doesn't look like much, though," the man in the blue bodysuit said, looking up and down at the unremarkable looking, scowling man in modern clothes. "Where are your weapons?"

"I carry a gun, if that's what you're asking about," Shirou's summon sneered, pulling back on his jacket enough as to reveal the holster by his side. "I'm a cop, see. But that's not what I'm here for. I'm just a vessel. A tool of His will. Just like always."

"What are you babbling about?" Lancer scoffed, raising his spear. "Are you going to fight or what?"

The other man growled, and his eyes flashed, his pupils taking the shape of skulls. Suddenly, Lancer grew tense, and his cocky smile vanished.

"I'm doing nothing. He is passing judgement..."

And then, much to Shirou's awe, the man's flesh seemed to pull back into nothingness, as if peeled to show another man underneath. A man of starkly white skin and dead eyes, wrapped in a green cloak and hood. A sulphuric emerald flame came into being all around him, and Lancer gave a quick step back.

"I am what was called by this boy's unconscious scream for an equalizer, an Avenger," the ominous figure rose, seeming to tower over Lancer, who held his ground. He tried to chuck his weapon, recognizing the stranger for what it was, but it was too late now, as his hands had just been literally fused into it. He gasped in horror. "He bore witness to a gret injustice, demanding for punishment on those responsible, and all those bearing their legacy! I accuse you! You, too, are to blame, Child of Light!"

He pointed a finger at Cu Chulainn and growled as he let the searing power fly. "Let all those who would kill in this War know... the Wrath of the Spectre!"

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Suicide Squad.

Amanda Waller was not an easily surprised woman. None of her closest allies could remember ever seeing her shocked at anything, no matter the odds or circumstances.

Good thing, then, that none of them were in her office at that moment.

On the other hand, there was a tiny bald man wearing a purple suit and bowler hat sitting on her chair, instead, and from the reports from Metropolis, she had a solid idea on his identity.

"Who are you?" she asked regardless.

The tiny man grinned, showing more diminutive teeth than humanly possible. "Hey, Wall," he said. "I heard you employed the baddest of the bad in the universe! But you've missed the baddest of the baddest... until now!"

---

"Kyyyzptlm, kkztplym, myyyzyytlplll..." he sing sang, tapping a foot down while waiting in line.

The doctor injecting the nanites in Quinn's neck looked curiously at Waller for a moment.

"Don't ask," Waller growled.

"She's been trying to trick me into saying my name backwards for three days now! I took pity on her," the tiny man said, "so I'm giving her a sporting chance. Who knows, eventually I may slip and say it accidentally! Mmxxppt, lllyzzzpptk, zzzptlym...!"

Quinn laughed dumbly while Waller seethed to herself. "I like ya, lil' fella! But maybe you could wear a different color while we're workin' together...?"

---

The helicopter was taking them to Santa Prisca now.

"Asshole," Quinn grunted, her face now as purple as the little man's combat fatigues. "I told you purple brought bad memories...!"

"I'm just helping you deal with them, Puddin'," the tiny man chuckled, adjusting the purple helmet on his large round head while Croc, Boomerang, Shark, Deadshot, Frost and Flagg watched him oddly.

"Hey," Boomerang asked him at last. "From what I heard, you could just complete the mission by yourself, by snapping your fingers, right?"

"That's right, mate," the imp whistled, blowing on his fingernails. "What about it?"

"Well, then why don't you just do that?!"

"And where would the fun be in that? Besides, I don't work for you!"

"You volunteered yourself for this!" Deadshot reminded him. "You're the first person ever to, as a matter of fact!"

"I don't get it," Croc added. "You even let them inject you with the nanites!"

"Ah, yes, about that, I was wondering," the imp said. "What was that shot supposed to do?"

"It means that if you disobey Waller's orders and ever step out of the line, the nanites blow your head up," Flagg said.

"Ohhhhh! I thought it was because of the corona! It blows, huh?" Let's see..." He stood up, pulled his pants down, and flashed the rest of the Squad. "It was told not to do this anymore, so let's--" His head exploded in a geyser of gore splattering everyone else. "I can't believe it, you were right!" his headless body said excitedly, and he grew another grinning head. "This is gonna be fun! Let's have a song to celebrate! Kyyyxxmply, tttxzzzplmk, kxtlpmkm...!"

Harley grabbed him and threw him off the chopper. "Enough with that already!"

Croc and Shark looked somewhat disappointed, as they'd been licking the blood off themselves and could've used seconds.

---

"Let's see, let's see... hmmmm..." he floated around in circles, completely ignoring the soldiers shooting through him as he studied a manila folder of documents. "Ah, it's such a straightforward cliched mission, how boring! I knew I shoulda read this thing before coming..."

"For the luvva God, mate, just snap those fingers already!" Boomerang shouted while shooting another wave of genetically engineered mercenaries rushing him.

"Quiet, Boomer, can't you see I'm reading here? Alright, so we break in... done... retrieve the data... Done now, Harl?"

"Fucking midget, just help us already, will you...?!" Harley screamed while chased around by a mind controlled Solomon Grundy wearing one of Tetch's hats.

"I'm gonna assume that's a yes since you sound cheerier now," Mxy passed a page lazily. "Now we have... to kill the Presidente? Oh gosh! Egads and bummer! That goes against my solid moral principles! I refuse!"

His head exploded again.

"Okay," Mxy's body said. "Okay, I can get a hint when it's applied enough..."

---

"You killed the whole Squad," Waller said.

"Hey, no, I didn't! I'm here, right? And technically it's not that I killed them, they just happened to be there when I blew the place up."

"You blew the whole island up!"

"Look, it was Boomer's idea, right? He kept telling me I should just snap my fingers! I did, and well, that's what happens when us cosmic beings snap fingers! Just ask Thanos! It was Boomer's fault, not mine! Blow HIS head up!"

"I can't, because you killed him along with everyone else!"

Mxy looked guilty and dragged a foot around. "My bad, then... But hey! I snapped them again and brought all the innocents back! Otherwise, Supes would never play with me again!"

Waller breathed out gruffly. "Fine... You brought the data, didn't you?"

"'Course I did," he said, handing it over. "That was the deal, right? And I'm an imp of my word!"

"Great," she grunted, snatching it from him.

"Of course, along the way I made copies and downloaded them on the Web."

"..."

"Boss?"

"You. Did. WHAT?!"

"You never said that I couldn't! What, is that anything important? Ohhhh, I get it, it IS, so that's why you sent us... Well, it was a honest mistake anyone could have made! What's the worst it could do, reveal your governments' dirty laundry to the whole planet and cause World War III?"

"I'LL KILL YOU...!"

He backed away in sudden panic. "Kltpzyxm!" he squealed, and vanished without a trace.

---

Bat-Mite frowned. "You did WHAT, then...?!"

"Oh!" an annoyed Mxyzptlk pushed him back. "You're just jealous 'cuz you've never played in a big team! Just ask the League if they would take you, I believe they really need extra members right now!"