Phobos VII [Complete]

[HypoSoc]

FAQ

What is this?

Phobos VII is an original novel set in an offshoot of the general universe of my works. Since 2019 I had been posting about 50k words of unedited content per year into this thread until the story was eventually completed in November 2021. After which I drastically edited down the work into a clean and complete novel, which is now available for sale as an ebook and paperback here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CGGN8W1Y

Where is the story?
As part of the rules for Kindle Unlimited, I cannot have the book available electronically anywhere outside of Amazon. As such I elected to take down the content of the thread.

I have left the discussion points (which might be confusing without the story threads), as well as the original Chapter 1, which ended up as cut content. I also have left the 'Divergence Point' which explains the connection between this world and the general world of my other works.

I am also posting a series of world building essays I wrote up as part of a marketing effort for the book.

If you only reached this thread after I have taken everything down, I apologize for the inconvenience. If you have the means, I would ask that you consider supporting me by purchasing the book, or by reading it on Kindle Unlimited if you have a subscription.

Otherwise, I have a LOT of free content on this site that you can find in my signature that I would ask you to enjoy instead.

I already read it here/I have an internet archive of it. Why should I buy the book?
If you have an archive of the thread before deletion I would ask you don't spread it around.

If you want a reason to buy the book other than supporting me (heck, maybe it will end up in a Library for a free read?) I will assert it is MUCH more polished than the original thread was. I managed to cut it down to almost half the size while keeping good pacing and better focus on things. I would say the published version is much better than the first draft. I did spend just as much time editing as I did originally writing it.

Is anything else going to be taken down?
No. There are no plans to take down anything else or to turn anything else into a published work that requires a takedown.

If any future story is in that position, then I will be up front about it from the start.

Why keep the thread if the story is gone?
Why not? Consider it advertisement, or a place for me to answer questions you might have, or the like. Or it can just die quietly in the archives of the website.

 

[TrueNameArchFrenemy]

Probably going to get very little traffic on this if you don't mention it in one of your other threads, very few people pay attention to the SFW side of the site, especially the creative writing section, given that the site own name is "questionable" "questing".

Still not sure how the Phobos interlude plays into this yet, but I imagine it'll come in time.

 

[HypoSoc]

Probably going to get very little traffic on this if you don't mention it in one of your other threads

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Good idea.

Still not sure how the Phobos interlude plays into this yet, but I imagine it'll come in time.

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You are correct. But, as a hint, that interlude focuses on Phobos V.

 

[TrueNameArchFrenemy]

Good idea.


You are correct. But, as a hint, that interlude focuses on Phobos V.

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Now I'm wondering wether the mask makes its way off of Earth, or our Protagonist is going to escape Von Graft's Mat farm, and acquire the Phobos mask on Earth.

 

[Artful Lounger]

The forum was a chaotic mess of activity, market stalls of various sizes lining the edges, selling wares of all shapes and sizes. Groups clamored around the popular ones with no care for the space they took, and yet the people easily flitted about to and from their destinations with hardly an obstruction. Ahead he saw a grand palanquin, near the size of a hut on its lonesome, travel without issue through the crowded street, the populace easy parting around it and its eight stone-faced bearers like a creek around a boulder.

The carriage, likewise, moved steadily as people flowed out of the way of the horses. The clip was far slower than it had been on the rough country country roads, but he could hardly begrudge it. Not when there was so much to see.

Chapter one, a few paragraphs down, you doubled a word. Shame on you trying to inflate your word count HypoSoc.

I'm looking forward to more of this, although it does make me despair of a new Polyhistor update before December.

I do have a question though. I get that this is Von Graft's gladiator world and he rules as its God-Emperor. Is the Princeps in the story Von Graft himself? Because that means 'Prince'. So I'm wondering if he just goes by that title regardless of whether it truly fits, or if that's one of Von Graft's children or something.

 

[TrueNameArchFrenemy]

The forum was a chaotic mess of activity, market stalls of various sizes lining the edges, selling wares of all shapes and sizes. Groups clamored around the popular ones with no care for the space they took, and yet the people easily flitted about to and from their destinations with hardly an obstruction. Ahead he saw a grand palanquin, near the size of a hut on its lonesome, travel without issue through the crowded street, the populace easy parting around it and its eight stone-faced bearers like a creek around a boulder.

The carriage, likewise, moved steadily as people flowed out of the way of the horses. The clip was far slower than it had been on the rough country country roads, but he could hardly begrudge it. Not when there was so much to see.

Chapter one, a few paragraphs down, you doubled a word. Shame on you trying to inflate your word count HypoSoc.

I'm looking forward to more of this, although it does make me despair of a new Polyhistor update before December.

I do have a question though. I get that this is Von Graft's gladiator world and he rules as its God-Emperor. Is the Princeps in the story Von Graft himself? Because that means 'Prince'. So I'm wondering if he just goes by that title regardless of whether it truly fits, or if that's one of Von Graft's children or something.

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In the old Roman sense, Princeps had nothing to do with prince, it was their word for king, literally meaning either "First" or "Chief"/"Leader". The Emperors from Augustus to Diocletian used it as their unofficial title.

Originally it was the senate head, so when the emperors started to take power back from the senate, they basically installed themselves as "Speaker of the House" for life, in modern parlance. The actual title of prince is medieval usage, way way later.

So considering all the gratuitous Latin, it definitely fits.

 

[HypoSoc]

Is the Princeps in the story Von Graft himself? Because that means 'Prince'.

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The emperors of Rome were not originally called "Imperator" as that was a title for specific military command.

Most commonly, they were referred to as "Caesar" (read "Kaiser" for the proper Latin pronunciation), after Julius and Augustus.
But the official title for the highest office, was "Princeps" meaning "first citizen," a bit of political fiction Augustus employed to make his absolute dictatorship more palatable.
Von Graft, unlike pretty much all of Europe for that time period, does not pretend to be the direct continuation of the Roman empire (and the Caesarian line), so "Princeps" is the title of choice, not "Caesar".

it was their word for king

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The Latin word for king was "Rex." But that was a very dirty word in the Roman zeitgeist, as their nationalistic identity included the overthrowing of the Tyrant King Tarquinius Superbus as much as it did being founded by Romulus.

But then "Ceasar" came to refer to a massive bundle of political and religious positions, of which "Princeps" was one of them. And after a few centuries of that, they all referred to emperorships.

 

[TrueNameArchFrenemy]

But the official title for the highest office, was "Princeps" meaning "first citizen," a bit of political fiction Augustus employed to make his absolute dictatorship more palatable.

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Nitpicky bull crap here, but technically the offical title was "Princeps Civitatis", which meant "First Citizen". Princeps alone really does just translate as "FIRST", for all your memetic needs. Princeps was the unofficial, but commonly used title. President vs President of the United States, The Queen vs Queen of England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, etc.

Until Diocletian, who wanted everyone to call him "Master". Nothing weird there, no sir.

 

[HypoSoc]

Nitpicky bull crap here

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Definitely nitpicky, but that is precisely the sort of bullcrap I support around here.

But this empire is explicitly meant to invoke the Antonine golden age, so Princeps it is.

 

[Artful Lounger]

"Hah. Honestly, I am surprised Ludo managed to find something at so short notice. These things tend to take longer. The New Year's game is scheduled practically half a year in advance. So, if you are going to win fame and acclaim, it would be best to do so before midsummer, otherwise you have to wait even longer." Geoffrey offered an easy grin.

Kind of awkward. Most anyone would use 'such short notice'. I'm not sure if that was deliberate or not, as some kind of speech quirk.

 

[Ladoss]

Poor Geoffrey. He already said that his style is similar to Lafayette and if he's that wound up by novice gladiator like Stas being a liitle battle maniac... that honestly speaks either of confidence issues, skill issues or both.
Otherwise, pretty interesting reading even if i have no idea where this going on yet.

 

[HypoSoc]

Made some edits to part 2, starting after "It's easy to get invested"

 

[VerBlinkel]

He mentally cycling through the routine his old trained had taught him

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*trainer

As always, your writing is fantastic and a major highlight of any day you post.

It's funny contrasting these gladiators with the polyhistor students. Even just the first years would destroy pretty much any of these gladiators from what we've seen so far. On that related note, how old is Stas?

Is there an ETA on the Kroll Acadamy VN? Or is it just "sometime in the next decade"?

 

[TrueNameArchFrenemy]

those contractions that allowed workers to easily change the scenery,

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Contraptions

safely transport beasts to the area above.

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Technically correct, but I think you meant Arena, not area.

The first match ended with little fan fair.

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Fanfare

two more went to the are above.

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Either Arena or Area

He mentally cycling through the routine his old trained had taught him, letting concerns and troubles escape him. He coiled himself as a spring, to be released at the time of

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First bit, you've got the tenses off, think you meant "cycled" or "was (mentally) cycling". Second, looks like there's a missing word, maybe "tight"?

Stas knew he had to option of watching the other matches as they occurred.

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The

 

[HypoSoc]

Even just the first years would destroy pretty much any of these gladiators from what we've seen so far.

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I'm going to take "first years" as end of first year. Because even novice gladiators are highly athletic individuals with combat training, which is more than the average Polyhistor applicant. But you are right that the students would be deadlier. Far different circumstances that promote different behaviors (regulated one on one dueling for an audience vs survival at any cost). That is not even getting into the fact that Polyhistor has far better resources in regards to magical knowledge.

Not that you should discount the gladiators. They are hardly slackers, and do fight more often than the Polyhistor students. Top tier gladiators are absolute monsters in the one on one combat they practice.

Additionally, there are circumstances at play that would make the fight harder for the Polyhistor students, or for anyone that hasn't explicitly trained on this world.

On that related note, how old is Stas?

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17ish, so younger than most students.

Is there an ETA on the Kroll Acadamy VN? Or is it just "sometime in the next decade"?

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I ran into a number of blockers (artist fell through, no such with musician, irritating formatting issues) and came to the conclusion that it would be easier to work on a regular novel first (this one has been in the works for a while) than to try with a visual novel.
Once I have this finished up I will return to work on Kroll Academy.

 

[Artful Lounger]

As always, very nice. Looks like Stas has some Aeromancy going on.

The thing that intrigues me most so far is the elixirs gladiators seem to require to use magic. I'm not sure what their deal is. We saw one guy drink one to cause a sandstorm and another one drink to gain metal skin. The first is clearly a geomantic effect while the second could be either Geomantic or Hydromantic. I don't think they're Willpower replenishment, because if so why would they need to be consumed before using magic? Unless its possible for them to grant a temporary Willpower overflow, like push them to 110% Maximum Willpower for the purposes of one spell. Maybe a potion to accelerate Geomantic Attunement in the case of Geomantic effects? I'll need to see more of them in action to say for sure. But so far they're what I find most interesting in regards to the mechanics of the fighting.

And VerBlinkel is right that I don't think these guys would do too well against Polyhistor students at a similar point in their respective 'careers' except at the very start. Not if the Sand and the Twinblade can be taken as good examples of what a cream of the crop gladiator looks like.

 

[HypoSoc]

The thing that intrigues me most so far is the elixirs gladiators seem to require to use magic. I'm not sure what their deal is. We saw one guy drink one to cause a sandstorm and another one drink to gain metal skin. The first is clearly a geomantic effect while the second could be either Geomantic or Hydromantic. I don't think they're Willpower replenishment, because if so why would they need to be consumed before using magic? Unless its possible for them to grant a temporary Willpower overflow, like push them to 110% Maximum Willpower for the purposes of one spell. Maybe a potion to accelerate Geomantic Attunement in the case of Geomantic effects? I'll need to see more of them in action to say for sure. But so far they're what I find most interesting in regards to the mechanics of the fighting.

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I can answer questions about this, if you want, as it is not exactly a spoiler for the story in a vacuum. But I encourage you to speculate.

Not if the Sand and the Twinblade can be taken as good examples of what a cream of the crop gladiator looks like.

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Daxton is a gimmick fighter with a very good gimmick for his niche. He dominates anyone who cannot overcome him, and flounders against the elites who can.
Radek is akin to a level 20 fighter. A wizard he is not, but he is VERY good at what he does.

 

[TrueNameArchFrenemy]

can answer questions about this, if you want, as it is not exactly a spoiler for the story in a vacuum. But I encourage you to speculate.

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If I recall correctly, back when Aeromancy courses were going on, geomancy was nebulously defined as possibly "the inherent aeromancy of all entities within Gaia" (obviously rejected due to divisional politics). Is Von Graft's arena world somewhat separated from Gaia, either by design or nature? I can see the elixirs being a way of attuning to Gaia from a more "distant" locale. That or they're using a form of locus attunement, where instead of attuning to all of Gaia, they're attuning to Von Graft's world, or something like that. Koslov did mention it was a common, more primitive form of geomantic attunement, and if Von Graft is older than the modern hydromancy division, it's possible he missed out on the more modern theory when he moved away.

 

[Artful Lounger]

Hmm, now that I think about it, HypoSoc mentioned that Von Graft's world doesn't have to deal with Lethe. So that would indicate that either the world is outside of Gaia or is otherwise somehow insulated from her influence. So I suppose the elixir could be some kind of Geomantic booster to get around that, assuming that either method makes Attunement difficult.

 

[TrueNameArchFrenemy]

Honestly, what puzzles me is that Ludo was convinced that Stas had drunk an elixir to do the reflection: while I can understand maybe simply not knowing about aeromancy, not knowing of hydromancy should be impossible, which suggests one of two things: either A) the elixirs also are used to enable hydromancy, which, frankly is pretty absurd, given that empowered solipsism is not beyond the realm of hydromancy, I can't see some external film or barrier that theoretically blocks out Gaia also blocking out access to the self, while not totally annihilating everyone's sense of self, or B) hydromancy is pretty massively underdeveloped on Von Grafts world, or at least, Ludo really is a rank amateur, and assumes that bodily improvement is the limit of hydromancy, when something like teleportation is perfectly reasonable for hydromancy, especially like our "reflection", that I do suspect is aeromancy, but could very well be hydromantic: reflect the self into another location.

 

[HypoSoc]

if Von Graft is older than the modern hydromancy division, it's possible he missed out on the more modern theory when he moved away.

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Von Graft is Charley's contemporary, almost as old as the Thaumaturgical League itself.

hydromancy is pretty massively underdeveloped on Von Grafts world

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It's not something I think will be directly addressed in the story, since this is meant to be a stand alone, but...

Spoiler

Magic is extremely underdeveloped in general in this world. The knowledge required for Hydromancy simply does not exist in the population. As far as the general population knows, Elixir based magic is the ONLY form of magic. They are not even aware of the mechanics of how Elixirs work, or the theories of magic, etc. The knowledge is heavily controlled by the inordinately few people that possess it.

Somebody who knows Hydromancy would be able to use it fine, but that requires somebody to know it.

 

[Artful Lounger]

Whoever makes those Elixirs has got to be rich beyond belief, assuming it isn't a nationalized trade.

 

[VerBlinkel]

Presumably, how to make the elixirs are a very carefully guarded secret, so that powdered magic's existence was interesting.

Also interesting is Stas. He was able to tell that his opponent was a laborer, not a fighter, wasn't flexible, and wasn't mentally all there, but wasn't able to put together that all that meant that the opponent wasn't really much of a fighter. Even after the guy was shown to not be very good, Stas just kept assuming that he wasn't being taken seriously instead of the opponent being unskilled.

 

[TrueNameArchFrenemy]

Hmm, the way that exchange about Eponine's magic is phrased, it makes elixirs sound more like an enabler than anything like bottled spells. After all, she's says "I've got to get another elixir", but that helping people go unnoticed is "her thing", so it sounds like the specific elixir doesn't have an effect on what it lets you do, rather elixirs are one size fits all, and only enable magic. Doesn't really seem to fit very well with what we've else we've seen, but that exchange indicates that is could be how they work. That, or she's being circumspect, and the forgetting magic was hydromancy.

 

[Artful Lounger]

It does appear that the elixirs are universal in their effects, whatever those are, rather than being a specific effect. It would also explain why things like sorcery teachers are needed. After all, if each elixir is its own bottled effect then how would you learn to use them beyond practice?

What's a little more interesting is how its easier to obtain them than I thought. We have this woman with one, on top of that laborer with some kind of powdered version. I figured the elixir trade would be either government run or, if private, expensive enough that the average person couldn't be expected to own one. So this suggests that there's some kind of black market supplier. Whether a thief fencing stolen elixirs, a mage who can make elixirs selling them cheap because, for some reason, he can't practice his trade the way the rest of the suppliers do, or a proper supplier is selling elixirs illicitly to people who shouldn't have them.

Or I'm completely wrong and the elixirs can be bought by anyone like a sort of expensive sports drink. Who knows.

 

[TrueNameArchFrenemy]

It does appear that the elixirs are universal in their effects, whatever those are, rather than being a specific effect. It would also explain why things like sorcery teachers are needed. After all, if each elixir is its own bottled effect then how would you learn to use them beyond practice?

What's a little more interesting is how its easier to obtain them than I thought. We have this woman with one, on top of that laborer with some kind of powdered version. I figured the elixir trade would be either government run or, if private, expensive enough that the average person couldn't be expected to own one. So this suggests that there's some kind of black market supplier. Whether a thief fencing stolen elixirs, a mage who can make elixirs selling them cheap because, for some reason, he can't practice his trade the way the rest of the suppliers do, or a proper supplier is selling elixirs illicitly to people who shouldn't have them.

Or I'm completely wrong and the elixirs can be bought by anyone like a sort of expensive sports drink. Who knows.

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Given that we know Von Graft's motivation is some sort of weird "I'll train you up to assimilate you for power", IIRC, it's possible that Von Graft deliberately drips Elixirs "illegally" into the economy to try and sniff out the superior magical talents.

 

[HypoSoc]

Spoiler

That, or she's being circumspect, and the forgetting magic was hydromancy.

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You can generally assumed that nobody uses Hydromancy.

I figured the elixir trade would be either government run or, if private, expensive enough that the average person couldn't be expected to own one.

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The elixir trade is a government run industry. But that doesn't stop back alley dealers from making their own supply.

It is also very expensive, even the back alley stuff. Tristan was hesitant to use it for a reason. Namely, he needed to make enough money from betting on himself on multiple fights to cover his loans, but he only had enough for a single attack.

As a question for readers, how are the fights? Are they paced well enough? Too slow? Too difficult to follow? They are a pretty big component of this story, so I would hate for them to be a slog to read.

 

[vali]

What interested me about Stas is how he seems to come from an entirely different culture. The city tends to have a more modern culture, cynical and pragmatic, while Stas comes from a culture of honor. Only a hick from the middle of nowhere would think assaulting the city guard because they won't let you back into your room is a good idea; any competent city dweller would be aware that the state can escalate further and better than you ever can, and would try some other strategy less likely to get them killed.

The arena gladiator fight is about entertainment. The underground fight is about money. Stas seems to have come to the city with some pretty firm ideas of what gladiatorial combat is about, high-minded ideas of glory and honor and such, but everyone else he's up against is in it for the money/women/celebrity and nothing else. Winning is just a means to an end for them, not an end in and of itself like it is for Stas.

It should be interesting seeing if/how his attitude towards the city and towards gladiatorial combat changes as things go on.

 

[Ladoss]

As a question for readers, how are the fights? Are they paced well enough? Too slow? Too difficult to follow? They are a pretty big component of this story, so I would hate for them to be a slog to read.

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Fights are pretty easy to follow but two of them(against Geoffrey and in bar) were fairly boring. That said it's less issue with your writing in general and more that Stas cares mostly about quality of fight and nothing else. It makes him different compared to Mikelle with whom i've not felt any sense of boredom even when things are extremely lopsided. That doesn't mean that Stas is a bad character but his singleminded focus is a bit annoying for me personally.

 

[VerBlinkel]

As a question for readers, how are the fights? Are they paced well enough? Too slow? Too difficult to follow? They are a pretty big component of this story, so I would hate for them to be a slog to read.

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The fights have been well written, well paced, and easy to follow, but so far they've read less like fights and more like character pieces. The most interesting thing about each fight scene is all the parts around the fight (in this chapter, as vali said, it's that there was a fight at all). If that keeps up, and we keep learning NEW things about Stas, it'll be fine. If we don't, then...well you're writing so it'll still be good, but Stas (so far) is no Mikelle.