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QQ After Marriage: Is It a Good Idea?

PrinceArjuna said:
My people tend to practice 'romance after marriage' stuff. Well, it's rare nowadays, but we live in a rural area and my parents (especially my mom) are traditionalists. Since my bride-to-be is from the same kind of family, I guess she doesn't care much about romance.

I guess we consider each other as some kind of mystery box? We're neighbors, but that's it.

Hmm... well, if things go right, maybe. I can only wait and see...


Probably bad. She's from a religious family, after all...

And porn is technically illegal in my country. They never said anything about written porn, though.
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Given your country's traditions i'd be very very careful about divulging stuff like this to her if i were you, dude. Marriage is already something you need to actively work on to maintain and in an arranged one you have basically zero knowledge of who your spouse really is inside, so it's like a special forces mission with no intel.

You shouldn't even think of telling her about this hobby(i'm referring to smut obviously, sfw questing like SB or SV should be ok from the beginning) before getting to know really well her personality and opinions on stuff(not just this stuff, her whole outlook on life).

If you feel confortable writing smut without telling her for some time without feeling guilty or something then do so, otherwise stop until you feel you know her enough(which means really well) to safely ask her if she's ok with it.

But being upfront about this seems suicidal to me, there's a lot of ways it could go pear shaped, it just ain't worth it.
 
Hey there, PrinceArjuna. Well, as a fellow Indonesian, I can understand what you've been going through.

Considering you're 25 and in the rural area, it's no wonder you're being asked to get married. I have much more freedom since I live in urban area and my parents are pretty liberal.

Though I have a feeling my parents are going to be pushing me soon as well.

And by religious, wa bisa kira tipe yg make kerdng kan?

Yeah, that type is probably not going to understand QQ lewdness. Good thing is that she's not English speaker.

You could always continue it, and just make allusion that QQ is a normal forum with adult inclination. Assuming you can make the argument that it is the type of non-sexual adult inclination, like western politics (Heh), violence, etc.

Of course, if she's the curious type, she could always ask other people who can speak English. Of which you should probably not continuing here, too much danger.

Edit : Of course, There's always a chance that your wife-to-be is also a hidden pervert. I don't know how it is in the rural area, but there are quite a number of them over here.

You can try giving her some subtle poking (No, not that kind of poking) to see if she has that kind of side?
 
Kerfirou said:
Hey there, PrinceArjuna. Well, as a fellow Indonesian, I can understand what you've been going through.

Considering you're 25 and in the rural area, it's no wonder you're being asked to get married. I have much more freedom since I live in urban area and my parents are pretty liberal.

Though I have a feeling my parents are going to be pushing me soon as well.

And by religious, wa bisa kira tipe yg make kerdng kan?

Yeah, that type is probably not going to understand QQ lewdness. Good thing is that she's not English speaker.

You could always continue it, and just make allusion that QQ is a normal forum with adult inclination. Assuming you can make the argument that it is the type of non-sexual adult inclination, like western politics (Heh), violence, etc.

Of course, if she's the curious type, she could always ask other people who can speak English. Of which you should probably not continuing here, too much danger.

Edit : Of course, There's always a chance that your wife-to-be is also a hidden pervert. I don't know how it is in the rural area, but there are quite a number of them over here.

You can try giving her some subtle poking (No, not that kind of poking) to see if she has that kind of side?
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Actually, I'm not an Indonesian. I'm a Malaysian.
 
PrinceArjuna said:
Actually, I'm not an Indonesian. I'm a Malaysian.
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Oops, sorry about that. I only remember you can speak bahasa Melayu.

Then my advice probably wouldn't help much. I know how it's work in Indonesia, but I don't know much about Malaysia innards.
 
Kerfirou said:
Oops, sorry about that. I only remember you can speak bahasa Melayu.

Then my advice probably wouldn't help much. I know how it's work in Indonesia, but I don't know much about Malaysia innards.
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I know some of my lecturers in uni enjoying 50 Shades, but since I'm in urban area... *shrugs*
 
PrinceArjuna said:
I'm a 25-year-old Asian guy with a steady job (I'm a teacher, by the way). Sooner or later, like many Asian guys with steady jobs, my time as a bachelor will soon end and become a married man.

So, the question here is that is it a good idea for me to stay active here in QQ even as a married man? I mean, putting all the lewd contents aside, managing quests here in QQ (and by extension, other forums such as SB and SV) requires free time and dedication. Getting hitched and starting a family will rob me both of these things.

Also, things will get weird if my prospective wife learns that I write smut.

I believe that I may have to retire from questing entirely once I get married. Well, not now, but perhaps a year or two from now. What do you guys think? Should I continue or should I stop once I become a married man?
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I don't plan on stopping, and I am joining the US Military after I get an associates degree. My activity might drop somewhat, but I have no plan to quit the site entirely or any of its siblings like SB and SV.
 
By the way PrinceArjuna do you have an idea of how far out the potential wedding is? Is there a way to figure out her stance on the stuff you would find on QQ? This is important since you mentioned some of it might technically be illegal. I was not raised in the same culture as you, but from what you have said this is a very delicate situation.

I am not suggesting you do the following since a lot of people are not comfortable with it, but here is what I do. Others in the thread can give their opinions on this. These traits are already part of my personality, but I play things up so I come off to others as very curious, blunt, and prone to absurd/dark humour. It is useful for the below reasons:
  1. Curiosity: Being known for asking a lot of questions regularly can help you navigate sensitive topics. By playing the fool, you can start asking light probing questions around sensitive topics. I have found people tend to be much less defensive if you do not seem to have an opinion yet. It might be best to research a topic first so you have more information than just what the other person gives you. It also lets you figure out what information they have, where they seem to get it, and how much they trust it.
  2. Bluntness: While being careful to use the information learned from Curiosity to avoid dangerous areas, bluntness is useful as people are more inclined to believe you if you ever do need to tell some boldfaced lie. I try to avoid topics, or just shut up and grunt ambiguously, rather than lie since it can grind at my conscience. It is especially important in your case due to the asian concept of face. I do not have to worry about it despite being asian since I live in the West, but you do.
  3. Humour: By using mildly dark and absurdist humour a lot, if I ever need to tell a boldfaced truth anyone who would otherwise violently disagree can rationalize it as some misfired joke. Care must be taken to take information from Curiosity into account and to balance this with Bluntness or people will actually take the "joke" seriously.
Now again, I am not telling you to do this since it is pretty scummy, but it has worked alright for me at maintaining a peaceful life.
 
Okay, it turns out that there should be no problem for me to continue questing even after marriage, though I have to make sure that the questing won't interfere with my life as a married guy.

In the meantime, the wedding will be held at early December. Wish me luck.
 
PrinceArjuna said:
Okay, it turns out that there should be no problem for me to continue questing even after marriage, though I have to make sure that the questing won't interfere with my life as a married guy.

In the meantime, the wedding will be held at early December. Wish me luck.
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Definitely wish you the best. Also hope this means that your fiance doesn't mind what you do in your free time, not that you've just decided to hide it from her.

No judgment here if the latter is what you're stuck with, but damn does that sound stressful.
 
Well, I cannot imagine getting hitched myself, but I wish you good fortune in your marriage. Who knows, you might discover a new side of her and before long we will be seeing a husband-wife tag team posting team on QQ.
 
PrinceArjuna said:
I'm a 25-year-old Asian guy with a steady job (I'm a teacher, by the way). Sooner or later, like many Asian guys with steady jobs, my time as a bachelor will soon end and become a married man.

So, the question here is that is it a good idea for me to stay active here in QQ even as a married man? I mean, putting all the lewd contents aside, managing quests here in QQ (and by extension, other forums such as SB and SV) requires free time and dedication. Getting hitched and starting a family will rob me both of these things.

Also, things will get weird if my prospective wife learns that I write smut.

I believe that I may have to retire from questing entirely once I get married. Well, not now, but perhaps a year or two from now. What do you guys think? Should I continue or should I stop once I become a married man?
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Tasoli said:
A lot of people here seems to be from western culture and it shows. As someone who is more eastern european person I can say with confidance if you are going to get a traditional marriage QQ is a bad idea at first. She might consider this a form of cheating.

So uh I think it depends on the your bride to be.
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Not only is a lot of the advice here coming from ignorance, but marriage in the West is something of a failing institution. Westerners have bent and twisted our definition of marriage to accommodate a whole lot of bullshit, with the result that half of marriages end in divorce and the kids suffer for it. All this "best friend" shit utterly misses the point, that marriage is for a household and children, for something more than just a single person and their interests.

If she likes romance novels (female porn), maaaaybe it'd be okay to be open about writing smut? Maybe.

There are far more rewarding things in life than smut.
 
Dude, don't tell her. Normally I would recommend honesty, but this is something that I imagine would tank your reputation if word got out.

Quit or lie, but don't tell her anything about this unless you 100% know she's into this stuff beforehand.
 
I am not generally good person to give advice as all my relationships included amusing stuff like yelling at each other, throwing stuff at each other or out of the window etc.

If woman you are going to marry doesn't know about your hobbies and you are unsure you can tell her, you are either:
-marrying a wrong woman
or
- bound to abandon all hobbies she doesn't know about (this is generally likely as the way you describe it you are forced into marriage by family and tradition, which always demands sacrifice)

On the other hand, her knowing in advance and not objecting isn't also help the issue anyway , at least in my humble opinion.
 
It's legitimate. Because we should keep our family tradition. And in this case i am totally agree with you brother. I am also belong to a rural family. And I hope my would be wife will be same like me. Not much romance or moderated. But in some cases there is needed separation. This is also the tradition of our society.
 
My relationship experience is... traumatizing with some fun heartfelt memories of being robed, escapeing though a 1 floor baloney in a police infested ghetto and physically attacked by complete strangers with various types of mental illnesses.

But the only advice is that if she genuinely appreciates and is always willing to open what is going in her life with you then that is the first foundation to protect any relationship.

Maybe I'm wrong, but time will give me the chance to learn and find out.
 
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