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SHINOBI: The RPG - New Game

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Fulcon, Jun 17, 2020.

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  1. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    Ah the good old shade for prophecy getters not getting respect until too late trope. I think the best use of such I've seen was Xenoblade Chronicles where the protag worried about the consequences of trying to change the future, and his friend immediately verbally reprimanded that in the event of catastrophic future visions you DON'T LET THE BAD HAPPEN DAMMIT!

    But yes, well done. Quick, snappy, efficient, and above all well stylized. Broke the land speed record through that early arc faster than paper boy's head. Only disappointment is that we don't get to see the predicted epic freakout, which will invariably give everyone life for the day at minimum, but hey I get cliffhanger timings.

    Good to see you back, and good to see the added characterization of Lee, and Gai didn't get rusty over time.
     
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  2. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    All hail Todd Howard!

    That sounds well done! Personally, I've always been in the view of 'wait, what if its a self fulfilling prophecy' and the answer is always 'well, try to change it and then if you fail, live and learn'. Or maybe 'let life happen as it may'. But the 'look, don't let the bad happen if you can avoid it' is a valuable way of putting it. :)

    I wasn't even thinking 'cliff hanger', actually. I was thinking 'here's a good spot to end it, hope everyone likes it'. But it works. I can't wait to bring you guys the next chapter!

    Good to be back and I'm glad people are still paying attention to this! The laxer update schedule really agrees with me.
     
  3. Mr Beaver Buttington

    Mr Beaver Buttington Harsh and occasionally fair.

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  4. Pez

    Pez Spaceman

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    Well, in the first draft, his biggest issue was the age thing - he saw those his own age as children. This has always been my biggest problems with Reincarnation stories, the MC sticking to his guns about physical age.

    In this chapter, you allowed the MC to see something that could help break him from that mentality a bit, and I thought it worked. It's your story, so take it where you want. Anko pushing a harem in the first draft felt incredibly sudden and forced. It feels a lot more organic in this draft (should you choose to go there or not).
     
  5. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Thank you!

    Thank you, that makes me really happy.

    To be fair, we didn't really get a chance to know Anko and she was a facilitator of a a lot of change really quickly, not allowing Daisuke time to really breath (we just got married and now you want to add more women? Are you crazy? I mean, I'm down, but you're nuts).

    Here, we get a chance to actually get to know her before the whole marriage deal.
     
  6. paloswag

    paloswag Know what you're doing yet?

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    Not the harem route! Lol

    Glad to see an update to this. I'm liking the rework a lot more because Daisuke's progression is just a bit slower which allows him the social interactions that were missing in the original.
     
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  7. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    I get not being thrilled. Believe me, it wreaks of unfortunate implications if not done right. Hopefully, I do it right, or at least...acceptably.

    Thank you very much, friend!

    If you don't mind me asking, what type of social interactions are here that were missing in the original?
     
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  8. Pez

    Pez Spaceman

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    I find that to be one of the biggest upgrades to your frist draft. Instead of the MC just focusing on being godlike, then having his epiphany as he had a breakdown from re-evaluating all of his past conversations, this MC isn't going all-in on 'this is a game, I need to max my stats', and that really helps. Granted, this is a world full of threats, and he needs to be prepared, but he needs to stay human, something the original Daisuke never did.

    To me, it feels like you're adding in a lot more heart into the story, and it really elevates it. A slow, or medium burn with Anko, would be perfect. Juggling in Hisako in a way that's believable would be difficult, given the age, maturity, and experience difference between Anko and her. I could lmost picture Anko pushing the MC into having them both, but probably not more than that (at least for quite some time). But to pull that off, I almost think Anko needs to bring that up with Misako, and kind of guide her into the relationship. Private girl talks where the two eventually reach an accord.

    You're a far better wordsmith than I'll ever be, so you'll probably figure out a number of ways to do it that will work. I just gave the one my brain came up with that seemed like it would work with my current understanding of the characters.
     
  9. aj0413

    aj0413 Fluffy~~

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    Nice, an update!

    Wow, big departure from the original; going the harem route?

    EDIT:

    While I still prefer the character flaws shown in the 1st, it's nice to see some of that show through in this chapter
     
  10. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Yes, this is true. I stayed glued to this inhuman depiction of Daisuke as long as I could because, well, I felt like I was inhuman for a long time. It that thing that came out and got healed when I wrote Daisuke getting over his car crash in the first draft.

    And now, I feel safe to...

    ...do this. I'm glad you like it! Honestly, it's working really well for me and I really like it, so thank you very much. :)

    I think we might be in for a medium burn, but we'll see.

    Excellent point. Add in Hisako's jealousy and we're in for some trouble.

    Hm...I'll take note of this idea and see if it leads anywhere. Thank you for the suggestion, have a cookie.

    Your input is still very much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time. :)

    Yes, pretty much. Glad you're still here with us. :)

    Thank you! I never intended to just abandon all the flaws of the original Daisuke, just...they needed to be more subtle. I was really ham-handed with them and I feel like I went overboard a ton.

    Thanks for your comment here! Have a cookie. :)
     
  11. theaceoffire

    theaceoffire Versed in the lewd.

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    I knew I remembered this from somewhere!

    I think I read your original story all the way through, but I'm sure I loved it just as much as I like the rewrite.

    Thanks for the update!
     
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  12. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    No, no. Thank you for the kind words! Have a cookie. :)
     
  13. anenymouse

    anenymouse Your first time is always over so quickly, isn't it?

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    There's a missing word in the line
    Also glad that you're still updating I enjoyed the first draft as it came out on SpaceBattles your avatar fic and your young justice SI.
     
  14. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Fixed, thank you very much. :)

    Have a cookie.

    Thanks very much! I appreciate the kind words. :)
     
  15. prussian-granadier

    prussian-granadier Versed in the lewd.

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    Huh, was thinking about this Fic today right before it was posted, neat
     
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  16. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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    Yeah, but the fluff was good for letting us get to know and love him. It's sad you're removing it, but it was a good chapter, and a nice surprise to come back to after a 13.25 hour workday.
     
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  17. OZT

    OZT I trust you know where the happy button is?

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    Why does the meter have more than 1 Hour?

    Seriously, I never sleep for more than 1 hour in a Bethesda game.
     
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  18. G4R5vb5r3H

    G4R5vb5r3H Bellicose and Armed. (With bad literature.)

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    While I don't know for sure, my main guess is that they just re-tooled the Wait button that needed to be longer that an hour because of NPC Schedules, and at that point, you may as well keep the meter and say it's for roleplaying.

    Also, New Vegas had Hardcore Mode that forced you to sleep or you'd die.
     
  19. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Neato! Glad to be punctual.

    Fluff had a purpose, I agree. I guess I was more meaning how the action-y arcs were kind of bloated because I put in too much fluff when that just wasn't the time (really just trying to find an explanation for why the second draft is technically 6 chapters shorter than the first one). Still, I'm glad you're doing well and that I was able to make your day a little better. :)

    Roleplaying? I sleep for eight hours at a time because it makes me happy.

    But great question!

    This too. Have a cookie. :)
     
  20. NightmareWarden

    NightmareWarden Versed in the lewd.

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    I don’t understand why Daisuke opted to mix Body Flicker with Lightning. He demonstrated earlier this chapter that experimentation can hurt him and that it can be unsuccessful, so why’d he go whole-hog with a gamble rather than his more practiced options?

    Obviously Daisuke’s pride and the “kid” issue are the reasons why he didn’t run away to get allies, but those should not also make him reckless.

    …oh. He’s using this mission as an opportunity to demonstrate his “league,” how strong he is… to make up for his previous shortfalls. Daisuke you dummy! Honestly, such a boy. You’re not impressing your Hokage with this attitude. You’re already one of the top genin in the village.

    Hmm. I wonder if a perfected Lightning Body Flicker is like turning into a laser momentarily, until you reach your destination. That’d explain the difficulty.

    On an unrelated note I reckon Kakashi should’ve force-fed Daisuke a food pill. It seems logical enough that a bloodline would require chakra to operate normally, and Naruto characters are usually running on fumes after a rough fight.
     
    Last edited: May 15, 2021
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  21. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    He was pressed for time, his other options kept getting perfectly countered and getting slowly sliced to ribbons is a painful experience. The full-hog gamble, to him, was a preferable alternative to getting slowly whittled down through papercuts.

    I completely agree and I think they did make him reckless! :)

    Indeed!

    I'd like to request that you elaborate, if you can. What previous shortfalls do you think he's trying to make up for? How is he one of the top genin in the village as opposed to, say, Neji (who may very well be the top)?

    I was under the impression that Body-Flicker mixed with Lightning Chakra was Lightning Release Chakra Mode just going on it's description. However, momentarily turning into a laser is also a pretty cool idea. Thank you!

    Have a cookie.

    He might've done so after Daisuke fell asleep.

    Also, this is a great idea, it just didn't occur to me.
     
  22. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    Best argument I can make for Daisuke being high level on the genin pole is that his behavior isn't that much worse than most, and his demonstrated combat potential is obscene.

    Most of the other truly powerful genin are hyper fixated loner monsters with an avenger complex, or also hyper fixated loner monsters, but that take out their frustration on family members who aren't the cause of the problem, and either too pacifistic or weak to stop them.

    There's a goddamn CURVE for behavior on genin that aren't middling, and Daisuke is not that bad in the grand scheme of things.
     
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  23. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Topic for Discussion: Most if not all of you are aware that I've also posted SHINOBI's first draft on FFnet, where most of my fanbase resides. Questionable Questing has more or less enjoyed some exclusivity in that this Rewrite has only been posted here.

    The question I want to pose to everyone is, well, when would a good time (as far as PR goes) be to begin posting this Rewrite. Since I intend a once-a-day upload schedule (save for Saturdays and Sundays) until they're caught up, let's assume that minimum is at least a month's worth of content. Initially, I wanted to begin posting when we've hit the same length as the first draft to prevent people from feeling, well, cheated.

    But I would like some thoughts from everyone, if it's not too much trouble.
     
  24. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    I don't have data wider than myself, but if I see a story or setting start just going ham, my general response is just start reading. Maybe some general warm fuzzies about not being abandoned after all. I'm an unusually nice commenter though.
     
  25. NightmareWarden

    NightmareWarden Versed in the lewd.

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    Daisuke performed extremely well in the trapped house with the bird monster. He was explicitly told this. But, he was injured. He failed to account for traps, for tropes like splitting up (well, *some* trope about how they could intelligently deal with the mission going sideways; I don’t remember his self-recriminations right now). He sees room for improvement. He… doesn’t hold grudges against old obstacles… but he does allow slip-ups to permanently take up headspace rent-free, influencing him.

    I can’t think of any other major failures. He was pretty happy with the Team Gai v Team Kakashi spar. He wasn’t doubting himself when he revealed his “bloodline traits” to the Hokage and Kakashi. He hasn’t messed up with Anko yet. So I guess it is just the above mission.


    1. Post an epilogue/update link in the last chapter of your old FF story, to redirect people to the FF rewrite. Perhaps add this after 4-5 chapters have been posted from the new one. Make sure you add in some of your “author’s notes” from this QQ rewrite explaining how the rewrite will be different, your feelings, yada-yada. Maybe a note about how many chapters are already prepped for release to reassure folks.

    2. Actually? Include some author’s notes after every few chapters or after every Arc at the bottom of a FF chapter. Let them know bits and pieces about how crossover elements will be included (such as OC/Fallout characters mucking about), how relevant the Game interface will be in this rewrite, how punishing the Charisma penalty will be this time, and how obsessed Daisuke will be with his max-level Perk/Feat. Plenty of those factors were either important to your audience or contentious. So bring them up as you see fit.
     
  26. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Hm, you described Daisuke and myself. Interesting.

    Excellent advice. Thank you very much, I appreciate it. Have a cookie. :D
     
  27. NightmareWarden

    NightmareWarden Versed in the lewd.

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    There’s an important difference between y’all though. When you get a complement, you grant it a plush sofa to lounge in or a hot tub’s worth of space in your head. You keep those complements locked in your head so they keep up your spirits when you feel dumb or unhappy. Right?

    Because if you don’t do that, then clearly we fans need to start bullying you with barrages of complements about your writing, your self-awareness, and your excellent taste in fiction.
     
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  28. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    I do my best. :)

    I mean...to be honest, I wouldn't mind if you did that no matter what my headspace was. :p
     
  29. Pavalos

    Pavalos Versed in the lewd.

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    Great chapter. Still loving the story. Thanks for the update
     
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  30. Threadmarks: Chapter 15: The Eyes Have It! - Retrieval
    Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    The Following is a fan based work of fiction: Naruto and Naruto: Shippuden are owned by Shueisha, Viz Entertainment and Masashi Kishimoto. Please support the official release.


    * * *

    Okay...my limbs are all attached, I’ve got full health…and my hospital gown is a mess.

    Hate wet dreams. Even before I died, they were the bane of my existence. Worst part is that I’m going to be remembering this one for a while, too.

    Started out with Anko and I getting it on. Awesome. Then Hisako joined in. Ayame walked into the scene wearing nothing but that headband of hers and a smile...then Sakura? Shippuden Sakura kicked in the wall like the Kool-Aid Man. Ino and then Hinata. For some reason after that, Tsunade and Shizune walked in. Then an Uchiha lady? I...got nothing. Then this horned woman with ghost-white skin and...it was just a weird orgy that’s left me as disturbed as it turned me on.

    I wonder if I can recreate it in real life? No, no, Daisuke. Having an idea of what you want isn’t bad, but trying to force it never works. Not that you would, but focus on your self improvement and let the relationships happen as they come. Best way to be attractive is to have the worst day with you be better than the best day with anyone else.

    Anyway, on to business.

    First thing on the list is that I need a ranged option.

    Effectively, mid-game is here. If Arai or whatever his name is is a sign of what’s to come, I need a ranged option and I don’t have the time to get points I need to focus on Ranged Weapons or Ninjutsu before the next fight, even if I abandoned Fuinjutsu and started pumping points into one or the other.

    I’ve got Chakra Control and Taijutsu. This would be so much easier if the Rasengan could be thrown or something.

    Intelligence Check Success: 10 / 9.

    Wait, there is absolutely no reason a Rasengan can’t be thrown. If you’ve got the control, chakra can easily persist in a shape even after it’s been separated from your body. If it couldn’t, Ninjutsu like Lightning Kunai or Sasuke’s fireballs wouldn’t be possible.

    I don’t want to use the Rasengan, though. Needs too much chakra. Ideally, this technique would only take as much chakra as the Lightning Kunai and I’d be able to add Lightning Chakra to it without burning my hands.

    Then again, a simple, needle-like loop needed a Ninjutsu of 45, so let’s not get our hopes up.

    I got up out of bed, keenly aware that I was not wearing any of my Charisma enhancing gear. So if nothing else, I was glad that the door to my private room was closed. On a chair in a corner of the room, was all my gear. My jumpsuit, which was perfectly mended, my sandals and most importantly, my storage scrolls.

    Among the survival equipment I kept on my person, I kept some office supplies. Multiple large, mural-sized canvas’, pens and markers, and most importantly, duct tape. It was a trivial thing to tape them to the wall with Wall Walking. With the marker, I started working on a seal.

    Intelligence Check Success: 10 / 7.

    Fuinjutsu Check Success: 69 / 20.

    Thankfully, it wasn’t a complex seal. All it did was absorb incoming chakra, which I was going to need to avoid damaging the walls.

    How to create a cheap, ranged jutsu with just Chakra Shaping that also still did damage? Well, the easiest thing I can think of is a needle.

    So I created a needle, it’s sapphire glow illuminated my hand.

    Chakra 84 / 85.

    It was only a third of the size of the loop and it wasn’t a loop, it was just a needle, so that it only took a point of chakra was awesome.

    I threw the needle...and it hit the very outskirts of the target.

    Okay, before I start on the next phase of my problem, I need to understand what this problem is. This is definitely a Ranged Weapon skill deficiency, but Chakra is magic. I should be able to compensate if I understand what the problem is.

    Perception Check Failure: 5 / 6.

    Intelligence Check Success: 10 / 8.

    It’s not a hand-eye coordination thing. My senses are fine, even without the goggles +2 Perception buff. So the only thing it could be is my muscle memory is completely warped when it comes to weapons.

    If that’s the case, then I should be able to compensate for that deficiency with Chakra, right? It shouldn’t be anything other than some variation of Body Flicker, since that rigs your body up with Chakra and supercharges it.

    So...create another needle…

    Chakra 84 / 85.

    Then rig up your body with Chakra, but with the aim of correcting poor muscle memory.

    Medicine Check Success: 27 / 25.

    Taijutsu Check Success: 80 / 50.

    Chakra Control Check Success: 100 / 50.

    Chakra 64 / 85.

    I’m ninety percent sure that the Taijutsu, which is all about understanding body mechanics and how to exploit them for maximum offensive gain, lowered the medicine check. But it works, so I don’t care. I threw the needle.

    Perk Obtained: C. A. T. S.

    Chakra can connect anything, a pair of friends, a person with nature and a kunai with it’s target! With the Chakra Assisted Targeting System, you now use your Chakra Control skill in place of your Ranged Weapon skill, if it’s higher.

    I’m a sucker for creative naming, and as a riff on VATS, I busted up on the spot. That’s hilarious! And game-breakingly strong!

    And the needle hit a bullseye.

    Okay, so I’ve got my needle, I’ve got my Ranged Weapon skill deficit figured out, now I just need to figure out the fire-rate problem my needle has, because the way I’m doing it now, I can throw one at a time.

    What if I used chakra to create a launching mechanism? Like using a pair of small loops to accelerate the needle to it’s target. Let’s...see…

    Chakra Control Check Success: 100 / 60.

    Chakra: 75 / 85.

    My hand was coated with chakra. Above the knuckles of my clenched fist was my firing mechanism, a series of rapidly rotating loops that were collectively the size of a US quarter. To test it, I sent a needle. It flew a little bit slower than a kunai, but it flew and it hit the bullseye. Then I sent twenty needles, which only took me two seconds.

    That solves the rate of fire issue, at least, but the projectile speed was atrocious.

    If I could add Lightning Chakra, that would fix it, but...well, how many points of Ninjutsu do I need for that to not be a problem? Well…hold on, do I even need a needle? Lightning Chakra is the element of piercing, so I might be able to get away with something even smaller than this needle if I add Lightning Chakra.

    To test it, I created a bolt, a little nub about a quarter of the size of the needle and not pointy. Ironically, it had better structural integrity than the larger needle, but that’s just because it was so small and compact. It flew, but only half as fast as the needle.

    Now...to add the lightning chakra.

    Ninjutsu Check Success: 29 / 25.

    Perception Check Failed: 5 / 7.

    The bolt ripped through the air so fast I couldn’t even see it, leaving a black and blue scorch mark on my paper. Closer examination revealed that it had actually poked a small hole in my chakra absorbing paper, though thankfully it had not not damaged the wall behind it.

    Okay, awesome.

    Now that that’s taken care of, I’m getting out of here and looking for my team. This isn’t Konoha’s hospital, I knew that from the skyline, which meant that they were still in town. Thank goodness for Fuinjutsu, otherwise I would’ve had to wait until we got back to Konoha and I would’ve been a nervous wreck the whole time.

    ...hang on.

    I just realized.

    The Anko’s personalized Fuinjutsu manual?

    It brought my Fuinjutsu skill to 69.

    If that’s not a sign from God or something, I don’t know what is.​

    * * *​

    “We’re back!” Lee said with a chipper tone in his voice, a hollow sound that belied how he was trying to buoy up the spirits of his fellows. In his hands were three plastic backs, each containing bento boxes and bottles of elixir for everyone to enjoy.

    The seven were all crammed together in a single hotel room, moved to the opposite side of the hall. The Hotel Owner was livid about his building being destroyed and demanded financial compensation. Since he was legally in his right, a missive for said compensation had been sent.

    They were all crammed around the glass case that their comrade had all but died protecting. They were not going to leave it or anyone alone with it.

    Hisako was sitting on the bed, legs dangling over the edge, hands clasped together as she looked at the floor beneath her. Tenten was sitting next to her, rubbing her friend’s shoulders in sympathetic solidarity. She didn’t move, and didn’t look, when Nichiren deposited a box and bottle next to her.

    “Hisako, are you going to eat?” Kakashi prodded kindly.

    “I’m not hungry,” She replied morosely.

    “It’s unfortunate that fate took a cruel turn,” Neji said with a dispassionate look at Hisako. “But there was nothing we could do.”

    “Nothing we could do,” Hisako parroted with hostility, her head snapping up to look at the other Genin. “Really? Nothing we could do. We could’ve left someone here to stay with him so he wouldn’t have fought whoever that was alone.”

    “But we didn’t,” Neji replied. “Because he was fated to die.”

    Hisako immediately leaped to her feet and marched to grab him by his shirt, but was immediately stopped by Gai and Kakashi. She fell back onto the bed, not taking her murderous glare off of the Hyuuga that had earned her ire.

    “Come on, now,” Gai said with a reassuring smile. “We don’t need to start a fight. Daisuke wouldn’t be happy to see it.”

    “And he’s going to,” Hisako snapped past emergent streams of bitter tears. “He has to.”

    “Daisuke’s snapped back from lethal injury before,” Kakashi pointed out kindly, placing his hand on Hisako’s shoulder. “He was a little closer before this time, but he’ll make it.”

    “His hands and legs were black, Kakashi-sensei,” Hisako protested. “I don’t even think he had his feet still!”

    “And his rib cage was exposed,” Nichiren pointed out, his lips pressed into a flat line.

    “Yes, Nichiren!” Hisako screeched, pointing at him. “Thank you! I had completely forgotten! What would I do without you?”

    Kakashi gave him the most deadpan of stares, and Nichiren mouthed an apology before turning to his bento box.

    “Hey, hey,” Tenten said, pulling Hisako closer for a comforting embrace. “It’s okay. Let it out.”

    Hisako started blubbering, first trying to make excuses, then apologies, none of which made it out of her mouth without being interrupted by the heaving sobs that were falling out of her like a dam had broken. She held her face in her hands.

    Tenten pulled a piece of tissue paper out from her scrolls and handed it to Hisako, who blew her nose. “I just can’t understand. He died because we screwed up. Someone should’ve stayed behind.”

    Kakashi held in his sigh. “Hisako?”

    “I should’ve stayed behind.”

    “Hisako.”

    “Then he wouldn’t have had to fight that guy by himself and at least we’d die toge-”

    “Hisako!”

    She froze.

    Kakashi fell to one knee. “Don’t. Don’t think that way. Don’t go down that road. The only thing there is ruin. If Daisuke lives, you’re immolating yourself for nothing. If he does die, you are doing a horrible disservice to his memory. He wouldn’t want you to think this way.”

    “But he shouldn’t have died,” Hisako whispered. “I mean...not died. He’s not dead. Because he can’t be. He can’t...can’t leave me.”

    “I hope he’s not dead,” Nichiren started quietly. “He was one of the few people that really believed in me.”

    “How so?” Lee asked, sounding interested.

    “I come from a civilian family,” Nichiren explained. “Mom and Dad were, well, nice about it, but they didn’t think I’d do well as a Ninja. Didn’t take it seriously. So I had a hard time finding time to train or do homework because I’d be spending all my extra time working the store front. When it came time for the exams, I thought my only hope was cheating.”

    “You cheated on your exams?” Tenten asked incredulously. “How?”

    “Snuck a soldier pill inside for the Taijutsu exam and got lucky in the kunai exam,” Nichiren explained sheepishly. “I felt so guilty, but then Hisako...and Daisuke. They said I deserved to graduate.”

    “You did,” Hisako sniffed.

    “Daisuke’s helped me out more than I can think,” Nichiren said. “He’s helped both of us. So it feels awful to not, you know, have been there for him when he needed us. That’s twice we’ve screwed up.”

    “Twice?” Neji asked with an arched eyebrow.

    “The Monster house,” Nichiren pointed out, taking his glasses off and wiping his eyes with his wrists. “Hisako and I hid under a table while that bird-thing tried to murder him. We weren’t there for him.”

    The sound of someone coming up the stairs came to the edge of everyone’s hearing.

    “If anything, it’s my fault,” Kakashi admitted. “I’m the one who left Daisuke to guard the box alone.”

    “And I’m the one who agreed he was probably fine,” Gai added, taking further responsibility. “And I thought that the warehouse would be where the trouble would happen. I didn’t expect the carriage driver to be our biggest problem on this mission. This was a failure of your leadership, and we apologize.”

    “Mitarashi’s going to kill us,” Kakashi said with equal parts humor and dread. “She adored him.”

    “Well, we’d deserve it,” Gai said, matching Kakashi’s gallows humor.

    There was a knock at the door, and then it opened.

    Revealing Daisuke.

    “Hey guys!” He was smiling. There wasn’t so much as a scratch on him, burns were healed. His jumpsuit and boots were also perfectly mended without a thread out of place. No exposed rib-cage, no stubs for feet or blackened, crippled hands. Just a perfectly healthy twelve-year old boy that could murder a man with his finger. “Hospital discharged me so I came here.”

    The shinobi teams just sat there in open mouthed shock.

    “Sweet, you guys got bento boxes?” He asked, doing a quick count and frowning. “Hey, where’s mine?”

    Hisako, using the Body Flicker technique for the first time in her life to tackle right into Daisuke, wrapping her arms around him. “You’re alive, you’re alive, you’re alive!

    “Yes! Yes I am,” Daisuke said, returning the hug. “Good to see you too, Hisako.”

    “Daisuke,” Kakashi began, unable to contain his surprise. “...how? How are you-?”

    “You’re not burnt all over anymore,” Nichiren said with shock. “You were black and smoking and…”

    “Oh!” Daisuke said with a laugh. “I just slept it off. Anyway, don’t worry about the bento box, I’m not actually hungry. Just giving you a hard time, no big deal.”

    “No big deal!” Hisako cried, relaxing but not releasing her hold on Daisuke to stare into his hazel eyes with her onyx colored ones. “No big deal? We thought you were dead!”

    Daisuke blinked, telling the perceptive Kakashi and Nichiren that he had just received some kind of premonition. “Oh, right. Well, I almost did die! But my condition can’t really degrade once it stabilizes, so all I had to do was get into a bed and sleep it off.”

    “Your jumpsuit’s fixed,” Tenten protested. “And it was damaged beyond repair.”

    “You didn’t have feet,” Nichiren similarly pointed out.

    “And your chakra network was completely fried,” Neji explained, his eyes narrowing. “Even if you somehow survived, you shouldn’t even be able to breathe right now.”

    Daisuke blinked multiple times rapidly. “You...guys aren’t going to let this go, are you?”

    Hisako tightened her hug to press against his chest. “Never again.”

    Daisuke let out an amused sigh. “Okay, let me explain a bit about...well, my life. If that’s okay?”

    “I’m most curious, Daisuke,” Lee said, quickly nodding.

    Daisuke used his foot to kick the door closed and Hisako finally loosened her grip enough to let Daisuke move into the group and sit down, only to interlock her arm and his. He didn’t seem to mind that much.

    “Where to begin?” Daisuke asked thoughtfully, digging his black book out of his back pocket. “Okay. What I can do is not a bloodline. I called it a bloodline because that’s the closest thing we’ve got to what I’ve got, but it’s not a bloodline.”

    “So then what is it?” Kakashi asked, folding his arms.

    “The way I interact with the world, the laws that govern my existence and dictate how I operate on a fundamental level are completely different from everyone else,” Daisuke said, taking a deep breath to steady himself. He opened his black book. “When I was five or six, I don’t remember which, I was given this book by a man in green robes. So was my best friend. His book was empty, mine, however, was not.”

    Inside was the drawing of a man in a similar jumpsuit to Daisuke, wearing a hitai-ate with a village marker that none of them recognized.

    “Don’t ask about the forehead protector,” Daisuke urged quickly. “I didn’t create this book, I don’t know why that symbol is on there.”

    “But you know what it means,” Nichiren pointed out.

    “It’s technically the symbol for a corporation,” Daisuke explained. “But the corporation doesn’t exist anymore, if it ever did.”

    “Why is there a symbol for a corporation on a hitai-ate?” Tenten asked, scratching her head in confusion.

    “I don’t know,” Daisuke replied. “Which is why I didn’t want you to ask about it.”

    “We’re getting off focus,” Gai pointed out. “Daisuke, if you’d get back on track.”

    “Right. So, see these numbers?” Daisuke asked, pointing to number aside words they had honestly never seen before. They recognized the S in the top one, the A in the second from the bottom, but the rest were a mystery. “These are my stats. Strength, Perception, Endurance, Charisma, Intelligence, Agility and Luck. From those stats, specifically Endurance, my Hitpoints are derived.”

    Daisuke moved his finger from the stats to the bar with a number inside. “I have 235 Hitpoints right now. As I increase in power, I get more. When I take a hit, or sustain in injury, the bar depletes. I lose hitpoints. But no matter how much punishment I take, how severe the injury, I can’t die so long as I’ve got a Hitpoint left.”

    He looked across the room. “Are you all following me so far?”

    “Let’s pretend we do,” Nichiren said, gesturing for him to continue.

    “The fight last night reduced me to 5 hitpoints,” Daisuke replied. “But because my condition remains stable after I take an injury, I was fine. Like Neji said, my chakra network was fried, you all saw how crippled I was, but I was fine.”
    Daisuke took in a breath. “When I sleep for at least an hour, my heath bar refills. All my limbs are restored and my gear, apparently, gets repaired. I don’t know why my body acts this way. I don’t know how it’s possible, but that’s how it works and I’m abusing the system for all it’s worth.”

    “Huh,” Hisako said, looking at the book. She placed a hand on the corner of a page and looked at Daisuke. “May I?”

    Daisuke sighed. “Oh, sure. Might as well.”

    She turned the page. “What are these?”

    “These are why training doesn’t work to make me stronger,” Daisuke replied. “These are my skills. I’ve got thirteen. Periodically, I get points to increase them. Bare minimum of any skill is five, which is so low the Academy would fail it. But the maximum, a hundred, is perfection.”

    Hisako blinked. “You’re kidding.”

    “Not kidding,” Daisuke rebutted, shaking his head.

    “So what’s the skill you have here that’s maxed out?” Hisako asked.

    “My Chakra Control,” Daisuke sighed.

    The room was silent as they processed this new information.

    “I’m not asking for you guys to understand, because I don’t get it either,” Daisuke hurriedly said. “I’m just asking for your acceptance.”

    “Daisuke, this is…” Lee began. “Very unusual. Training doesn’t work on you?”

    “It does not,” Daisuke replied with a nod. “It absolutely does not. The only way I can increase my skills is through the ones I get periodically, and reading manuals.”

    Hisako gasped. “That’s why you spent so much time in the library?”

    “When you say you get these skill points periodically,” Gai began slowly. “What causes you to get the points? Is it a timer, or…”

    “It’s dependent on a mix of killing enough people and completing enough missions,” Daisuke answered. “I get something called experience points which fill and experience bar and when it fills, I gain a level. When I get a level, I get more hit points and...more skill points.”

    Nichiren immediately knew he was holding something back, but his head was spinning, so he didn’t care that much.

    The room was quiet, only the sound of Daisuke nervously drumming his fingers against his leg. He was trying to remain chipper, but they could feel his nervousness.

    “I think I get why you’re so twitchy about your bloodline,” Hisako said quietly. “It’s weird.”

    “Don’t I know it,” Daisuke replied with a nervous smile.

    “Wait,” Nichiren said. “This is kind of like Shinobi and Shuriken. You...you’re...Daisuke, are you an RPG character?”

    “That’s about the size of it,” Daisuke said, relief flooding his voice. “Yes, that’s exactly it. I’m like an RPG character.”

    “Oh, that nerd game,” Tenten said, face scrunching up in confusion. “...your bloodline is the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard of, Shimoda-kun.”

    “I’m with you there,” Daisuke replied, nodding authoritatively. “It is bizarre.”

    “If training doesn’t help you,” Lee said. “Then I must help you get better in the only way that you can! I’m going to scour the elemental nations for books that you can read to get better!”

    “Thanks,” Daisuke sounded like he was going to laugh. “You know what would help me the most? Medical Manuals. Need to up my medicine skill for...plans of mine.”

    “Yosh!” Lee said giving him a thumbs up. “Becoming a doctor is a most youthful goal!”

    “So...any questions, accusations of being an eldritch abomination...anything?” Daisuke asked.

    They had no idea what ‘eldritch’ meant, but since it was used in conjunction with Abomination, it couldn’t be good.

    “No,” Hisako shook her head quickly, looking like she was going to cry again. “No, no, no. You’re not an er...erd...you’re not an abomination. Never think that.”

    “It’s an odd bloodline,” Kakashi confirmed. “But one with a lot of potential.”

    “Yosh!” Gai beamed. “I expect the Hokage is going to approach you about a harem any day now!”

    Hisako blinked. “Harem?”

    “Gai, really?” Kakashi asked, his voice thoroughly tired.

    “Harem?”

    “I...think I may have got a bit too far there,” Gai said, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. “Sorry.”

    “What do you mean by harem?”

    “Don’t...mention it to the Hokage, please,” Daisuke said, pleadingly. “I mean, I think you’re right, but I want a chance to go over the law first to make sure I agree with it ethically.”

    “Daisuke, is he being serious about a Harem?” Hisako asked, eyes wide in alarm.

    “Probably, yeah,” Daisuke nodded. “Doesn’t sound like something you wanted to hear.”

    Her head twisted on her neck and she got this painful grimace on her face. “No.”

    “I’m kind of ambivalent about it myself,” Daisuke agreed.

    “It just doesn’t seem…” Hisako paused to gather her thoughts. “I don’t know. I’d have to think about it.”

    “Who knows, maybe he won’t say anything about it at all,” Daisuke said with a grin. “Anyway, you all look beat and I, well, I don’t need to sleep. So, I’ll take first watch.”

    “I’m not leaving you alone again,” Hisako grumbled, tightening her hold on Daisuke’s arm.

    “Kakashi-sensei, do you mind if she stays up with me?” Daisuke asked.

    “I don’t think I can convince her otherwise,” Kakashi said with an eye-smile.​

    * * *​

    Quest Updated: The Eyes Have It!

    Completed: Guard the Box Until Help Arrives.

    Talk with the Hokage and Hyuuga Hiashi.

    Oh, boy. They brought in the big guns.

    ...I wasn’t able to sleep. Not after last night. Coming clean, explaining hitpoints to them was the most terrifying thing of my life, if only because I wasn’t sure they’d believe me or if they did, they’d believe me a portent of the end times.

    Given Nichiren’s weird visitor after the armed insurrection, perhaps they should.

    Hisako didn’t last long, falling asleep on my arm and finding her head resting in my lap. I had distracted myself by stroking one of the strands of hair she let fall around her face to frame her jaw. Wound up thinking about us.

    ...she was shocked by the idea of a harem. Hadn’t even crossed her mind. She needed time to process it, couldn’t decide if she was fascinated or repulsed by the idea, oddly enough. At least, that’s why my Charisma check said.

    Once first watch was over, I tucked Hisako into bed as Kakashi and Gai took over second watch and I went to bed and laid there, thinking.

    Just goes to show that if it does happen, I need to do my absolute best to be-

    There was a knock at the door.

    -worth sharing.

    I got up and opened the door. Standing there in his robes was the Hokage. “Shimoda-san. I can’t tell you how pleased I am to see you alive.”

    “Thank you, Hokage-sama,” I said with a bow. “It’s pretty good to be alive, if I do say so myself.”

    He chuckled lightly. “Shimoda, I received a report about what you told your team following your remarkable recovery.”

    I stiffened. “Yes, Hokage-sama?”

    “Though it’s likely your bloodline is un-inheritable,” The Hokage began. “Just from what you told them, I am still authorizing you for a harem.”

    Gai was right. “Uh...does the fact that I’m not even married factor into this?”

    “It does,” The Hokage replied. “It is not an order to take a dozen women right now, but rather I opened the door for you if you wished a large sampling of the fine women Konoha has to offer. It is still customary to marry a woman to be your main wife before you take sub-wives.”

    Sub-wives? That’s interesting, I’ve been calling them concubines. I definitely prefer this new term, though. “So...why hasn’t it been authorized for, say, Uchiha Sasuke?”

    “What makes you think it hasn’t?” The Hokage asked with a smirk.

    Perception Check Success: 7 / 4.

    “The tooth and nail fighting I’ve seen his fan-girls get into,” I said, remembering a particularly memorable scuffle I watched from the academy library window. “Saying that they’re the only ones that can have him.”

    “Young man, they’d say that especially if he could have more than one,” Hiruzen replied like he was talking to a naive school-boy. To be fair, I kind of was in this subject. “But to tell the truth, I haven’t done it yet as a means to protect the boy; he’s too focused on revenge and too many would take advantage of it to get a Sharingan-bearing heir in their clan.”

    Wait, that makes it sound like the uninheritable nature of my bloodline enabled the harem instead of stopping it. “What about me?”

    “You?” Hiruzen laughed. “I’ve half a mind to field promote you to Jounin after what you pulled. But I don’t want to so you’ll have a great performance in the Chunin exams!”

    “Oh,” I blinked in surprise. I’m only level 8, so I won’t push the issue. “Thank you, Hokage-sama, but I’d rather stay with my team right now.”

    “And that resolves that little dilemma,” Hiruzen remarked, taking a happy puff from his pipe.

    “Hokage-sama, we are ready to leave,” Hyuuga Hiashi walked up, flanked by ANBU. “And Shimoda-kun, out of the deepest gratitude from the Hyuuga, should you decide to take sub-wives, I have a daughter who is coming of age in the winter. You have my full permission to court her and, if it so pleases you, to marry her.”

    Charisma Check Success: 7 / 6.

    Well...he said court, but I think that’s mostly because he doesn’t want me insulting the Hyuuga by just taking Hinata to my bedchambers like a common prostitute. He’d prefer a modicum of decorum before a marriage was arranged. Personally, I’d prefer a lot of decorum and a ceremony sealing the deal before we went any further than first base, but that’s just me. Call me weird.

    Besides, she’s got a massive crush on Naruto. Can’t just forcibly install myself in her life and stomp all over that.

    “I’m surprised you aren’t pushing for her to be my main wife,” I said with an arched eyebrow.

    “Forgive me, Shimoda, but I’m being realistic,” Hyuuga Hiashi replied. “I have it on good authority that you and Mitarashi are very close.”

    “Spying on me?” I asked, a little startled and irritated with myself for not taking the Hyuuga’s eyes into consideration.

    “No, she’s been talking about you since you left,” Hyuuga Hiashi replied, leaning down slightly to get closer. “And according to some of the Kunoichi in the Branch Families, she’s positively enthralled.”

    That’s...that makes me feel good. “Uh...thanks for telling me. I guess we need to be more discreet in the future, huh?”

    “Oh, a wedding removes that need,” Hiruzen chortled. “But, Shimoda, I have to ask...and please don’t take this the wrong way, but has she been forward with you? Extraordinarily so?”

    Really? “She gave me a goodbye kiss when I left. We haven’t done anything else.”

    “Then she has grown,” Hiruzen stated with a nod and satisfied smile. “I’m quite glad. It’s rare to see a happy ending like this in real life.”

    What has she done to earn a reaction like that? Obviously it’s in the past, but what?

    “Are we done talking about my dating life now, or…?” I started, eager to get a move on.

    “Right,” Hiruzen said. “Now, this mission was ranked up to S rank, and the eight of you will be paid accordingly. Also, don’t talk about it, we have an investigation underway.”

    “Who was that Ninja I killed?” I asked with a frown.

    “Comparisons from the photo showed he was likely a man named Mori Kazu,” Hiruzen explained. “A-rank homeless-nin. apparently working smuggling for time now. We don’t know who for yet, but when we find out, it’ll be a weight off of everyone’s shoulders.”

    “Great,” I said with a grin.

    “Now, all teams are heading back to the village now,” Hiruzen ordered. “We need to be gone when the insurance agents come to examine the damage.”

    Quest Complete: The Eyes Have It!

    20,000 / 21,000 EXP to level 9.

    So close!

    Turns out, I wasn’t the only one out. Hisako’s room was right next to mine and she was looking at me with wide, disappointed and almost fearful eyes.

    I looked at her. “We’ll talk when we get home, alright?”

    “Okay,” Hisako nodded, desperately pretending like everything was alright in her head. “Okay, I’d like that.”

    I hope she hasn’t just had her heart broken into a thousand pieces. Or if it has, that I can put it back together.​

    * * *​

    Author’s Note: That was a quick turnaround. I confess the reason for not leveling Daisuke up immediately was because I didn’t want to do that level up calculations this evening since it’s late and I’m tired.

    I hope no one’s disappointed that Daisuke’s reveal scene was done in the third person. I confess that I had wanted to do something different and I felt like highlighting their confusion and emotional whiplash was more important than showing Daisuke’s reticence. We all know Daisuke didn’t want to share but he’s already shared more, so it doesn’t make for the best drama to highlight his reluctance when the most likely reaction to that is ‘get on with it’.

    As for the harem, I can’t imagine being told by the village’s supreme leader that you’re probably going to have to share your crush because he’s serious about someone else and he can have more than one is particularly easy. In her position, I’d be cursing up a storm and have to fight the conflicting urges to murder the Hokage and murder the Hypotenuse in her situation.

    Anyway, let me know what you thought!

    Until the next time!

    ~Fulcon
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2021
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