Snek is a Good Boy [a Worm Crackfic]

[Ack]

yeah i know about the deal that snek has with fuglys

Now that you mentioned it i will totally believe that the US government may do something like that

Also thanks for the chapter

Click to shrink...

Well, as a method of keeping the big goof on side, it's remarkably cheap.

 

[Ack]

Snek is a Good Boy

Part Forty: Rebirth

[A/N: This chapter commissioned by @Fizzfaldt and beta-read by Lady Columbine of Mystal.]


Later, Dragon could never be sure quite how long she sat there, communing with Sparks. It could have been five minutes or five hours, or anywhere in between. Lacking an internal time-clock—how did people get along with such imprecise senses?—the interval was indeterminate. All she knew was that when she finally looked up, Riley was standing there with a pleased expression on her face.

"We've finished," announced the tweenage wizard's apprentice happily. "Come see."

"Okay." Dragon let herself slide off the bench, or bed, or whatever it was. Interestingly enough, sitting there for more than a few minutes should have cut off circulation to her lower legs then given her pins and needles when she stood up (if her understanding of the human circulatory system was correct) but she suffered no such ill effect. Either my new body is immune to that, or the bed is designed to not permit it to happen. The Master of the Castle never ceases to impress.

The barrier the Master and Riley had been working behind consisted partially of almost-familiar laboratory apparatus (though the Erlenmeyer flask that couldn't seem to make up its mind where in the array it was to be situated was new to her) and partially of things that possessed no analogue to any laboratory equipment she'd ever seen or heard of. When she followed Riley around to the workspace on the other side, she wasn't quite sure what she was expecting, but what she saw wasn't it.

Fully eight feet tall, the insubstantial outline of a dragon towered over a solid wooden chair; in fact, it occupied some of the same space as the chair, which seemed to bother neither one in the slightest. She looked more closely at the form of the dragon, noting that it wasn't registering her presence. In fact, it wasn't moving, blinking or even breathing.

Its scales weren't just two colours, like Sparks' blue and white, or Cirrus' green and gold. There was every colour she'd seen on the dragons outside, plus a few she may have missed, combining in a gorgeous pattern. Every line of its body denoted the majesty and power that she'd seen in the Dragonmark, albeit on a smaller scale.

"Um, okay, wow." She looked the ghostly dragon up and down. "So, what do you need me to do?" Images passed through her mind, of some kind of blood ritual or something similar. She actually had blood now, she reminded herself.

Also, now that she was operating on organic hardware, her imagination seemed to be a little more wild and free.

"Merely seat yourself in the chair." The Master of the Castle was standing beside her, when a second ago she could've sworn nobody was there. "Close your eyes and allow the transformation to happen. I will initiate it and guide it, but it will be your choice for it to take place."

Obediently, she took her seat. The chair was comfortable, and she felt herself relaxing into the cushions—which was odd, because she hadn't seen any cushions before she sat down—but one question needed to be asked. "Can I keep Sparks with me?"

"Pretty sure the answer to that one's 'no', sorry." Riley indeed sounded apologetic. "Don't want his bio-magical field interfering with yours. But I can hold him for you until it's done." For someone who wasn't capable of casting magic, she certainly seemed competent within her niche, but that didn't surprise Dragon in the slightest.

"That'll be appreciated, thanks." She handed the little dragon over—he snuggled into Riley's arms, but kept an eye on her—and settled back into the chair. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes. "Okay, I'm ready. Let's do this thing."

"Very well." The voice came from behind her. She had a momentary impression that an immense electrical source had activated nearby, as every hair on her body felt like it was standing on end, then he began to chant.

The chant was in no language that she'd ever sampled from the multitudes on Earth; nor did it match the best guesses of how any of the dead languages were supposed to be pronounced. Every syllable reverberated through the very core of her being, setting up resonances that refused to die down. Breathing carefully, she focused on this inner turmoil and attempted to go with it, riding it to its natural conclusion.

Initially, the potential energy building up within her seemed to have nowhere to go, and she felt the pressure increasing until her skin prickled and she was sure her hair was crackling with sparks. The chanting continued, pouring yet more power into her until she wasn't sure if she could take any more. With a flash of insight, she realised that there was something she wasn't doing, that might probably help.

She recalled the immaterial form of the dragon, fixing the image in her mind.

It was as though she'd pulled the plug on a huge container of water. Energy poured from her, going someplace else in a direction she didn't understand. The image didn't go away; instead, it sharpened and became more real, filling out with detail she hadn't remembered until now.

Where her skin had felt stretched to its limit before, with no chance of respite, now she felt it expanding with ease. Heartbeat thundering in her ears and her blood pulsing like tides accelerated ten-thousand-fold, her earlier awareness of the organic bodily functions returned dramatically. Her fingernails and toenails extended and sharpened to razor points, and even her teeth palpably grew as her face pushed out into a saurian muzzle.

Lost in the thrumming of the energy within her and the changes it was working on her body, Dragon needed a moment or two to realise that the chanting had ceased. She knew she wasn't sitting in the chair anymore, but the messages she was getting back from her nascent proprioception were inconclusive at best, so what her body was actually doing was anybody's guess. So, she opened her eyes and looked.

Riley was still standing there in front of her, holding Sparks and grinning. However, she seemed somewhat shorter, or perhaps Dragon's point of view was higher. Dragon looked down at her feet … or at someone's feet. She wasn't quite sure that she wanted to claim ownership of the scaly, clawed paws before her.

When she moved one of her hands, a paw shifted. One finger; a clawed digit moved slightly. "Oh," she said. "Oh, my." Or rather, she tried to say that. Her larynx was in no way up to the task, and all she managed to utter was a low, confused-sounding growl.

She tried again, but she only achieved a more authoritative growl. Lifting one of her paws, she stared at it then turned it over and looked at what would normally have been one of her palms (as of just a few hours ago). It was covered in shimmering, iridescent scales, in the same patterns that she had noted on the image of the dragon before the whole thing had started.

"Telepathy." It was Riley's voice, and she looked up to see the girl tapping the side of her own head. "Dragons speak through telepathy."

Oh. Right. So they do. She was irritated with herself at having forgotten that, but in her defense, she'd had a lot of tasks in her to-do queue. How does telepathy work, anyway?

Radio was the closest analogue in her personal experience, so she visualised sending a signal without activating her exterior speakers. Testing … testing … ||Testing …||

"Hah! Yes!" Riley punched the air in triumph. "I heard you that time!"

||You did? Excellent.|| Dragon would have smiled, but from the feeling of her tongue exploring the inside of her mouth, she had a great number of very sharp teeth, and she didn't want to unduly alarm Riley.

It would, she suspected, take a great deal more than a dragon showing its teeth to alarm the Master of the Castle.

<><>​

The Wizard's Apprentice

Riley was still beaming as she watched Dragon examine her new body, from the point of view of being inside it. While this wasn't the first time she'd helped the boss fit someone with a new body, it was definitely the first time with one that wasn't human, on top of another body that was.

Having discovered exactly how flexible her new neck was, Dragon curled her head around to examine her wings, then extended them to the sides so she could admire the pattern of the fine scales covering them. Her tail caught her attention next, and she lifted and moved it from side to side. Finally, she sat up on her haunches and examined her front paws again.

"So, how does it feel?" asked Riley. "Everything working okay?"

||It feels both strange and familiar, all at once.|| Dragon tilted her head to one side. ||Some of my suits also had tails, and they all had wings, so that part is more familiar than I expected it to be. It's actually taking me longer to get used to the whole 'biological organism' thing than the new body shape.||

Riley grinned. "Well, you sure got the hang of telepathy pretty quickly."

||Oh, that part's even easier. I've been communicating inaudibly over long distances since I first transferred into a test body remotely.|| Dragon's expression showed a level of smugness that Riley had only seen before on Finesse and Cirrus.

"Oh, ha ha." Riley wrinkled her nose, but she was secretly pleased that Dragon was comfortable enough in her new lodgings that she could make jokes about it. "Do you want to try changing back now?"

||I think I will, yes.|| She closed her eyes. ||I should be focusing on my human body shape, right?||

<><>​

Dragon

"Don't ask me. You're the first human/dragon hybrid we've ever had. Though it probably couldn't hurt." Riley sounded entirely too unconcerned in the matter.

||Thank you so much for your expertise in the matter.|| She wasn't sure if the sarcasm was getting across properly.

"Oh, you're totally welcome." Yes, yes, it was.

Taking a deep breath (it was amazing how much it helped for mental preparation), Dragon fixed the form of her brand-new human body in her mind and concentrated on returning to it. Nothing happened at first, but she reminded herself that this was not an instant process. Gradually at first, she felt the claws retracting into her paws, then her entire body began to pull into itself.

The sensation that passed over her wasn't entirely unfamiliar, which surprised her. Then, thinking about it, she recalled what it felt like; early on in her existence as a self-aware AI, Andrew Richter had carried out compression routines on some of her less essential functions. It wasn't precisely identical, but the impression of being squeezed into a smaller space inexorably reminded her of that earlier experience.

Bit by bit, her tail and wings either folded into her body or retracted until there was nothing left of them. Scales retreated, leaving smooth skin behind. One of the stranger sensations came when her muzzle shrank back into her face, the extra teeth pulling back into her gums as it did so.

Finally, her hair reappeared, along with her clothing. Oh, good. It's that type of magical transformation. Dragon had seen far too many of the other type, where hapless Changers were forced to keep clothing stashes in case of inadvertent shifts in body form. Narwhal, she had long felt, was a cheaty cheating cheater in that regard.

When nothing else seemed to be about to happen, she opened her eyes, to find herself kneeling with her backside resting on her heels. The first thing she did was put out her arms; without needing to be called, Sparks leaped from Riley's hands and glided the short distance to her. Gathering the tiny dragon close to her, Dragon felt complete once more. "Did you miss me? Yes, I missed you too." Sparks rubbed the side of his head up against her cheek and crooned in agreement.

"Well, that all looks good." Riley pulled her brass-bound goggles down over her eyes and started on a careful circuit around where Dragon still knelt, eyeing her critically. "No magical leakage, no leftover bits and pieces. You didn't even shed any scales."

"That's good to know." Without letting go of Sparks, Dragon clambered to her feet. Frowning, she looked around. "Wasn't there a chair here?"

"Oh, that's from the boss' study." Riley gestured airily. "As soon as you started your change, he let it go back where it came from. Comfortable, isn't it?"

"A lot more than it looked," Dragon admitted. "But hey, if you're so powerful that you can delegate someone else to deal with Endbringers, why put up with an uncomfortable chair?"

"Can't argue with that logic." Riley moved closer, all business now. "Lean down a bit. I want to check your eyes."

Reminding herself that Riley had far more medical understanding than any other three physicians she might know, Dragon leaned down, keeping a careful hold on Sparks. "Are you looking for anything in particular?"

Riley peered at one eye then the other, a serious expression on her face. "No. It's been a minute or so since you changed back, and I want to see if the transformation did anything to you. How do you feel?"

Dragon blinked. "Fine, I guess. Extremely human. None of my internals feel displaced, if that's what you mean."

"Good. Your eyes look clear, and your pulse and respiration are fine." Riley nodded firmly and stepped back. "Looks like a clean transformation."

"Pulse?" Dragon was confused. "You never took my pulse."

Riley snorted indelicately. "Maybe you've forgotten who I used to be? I can count your heartbeats from across the room."

"I had, a little," Dragon admitted. "So, is it safe to change back while holding Sparks?"

"Sure." Riley shrugged. "It was only likely to be a problem while the boss was infusing you with the dragon form. No, I have no idea how that really works either. He just … well, you know, does stuff on a level you and I can barely perceive, and for him, that's normal." She dusted her hands off. "But it's all done now. If you want, you can go back out and get Finesse to teach you how to fly. Just be aware that every other dragon there will be giving you advice, and it probably won't all be great advice."

"Ah." That was something else that had slipped Dragon's mind. "Do you know, I had totally forgotten that aspect of becoming a dragon. Is this something I should be concerned about? Loss of memory, I mean?"

"That's not memory loss." Riley patted her on the arm. "That's just being overwhelmed with information. It's a human thing. But on the other hand, we have this amazing thing misleadingly called intuition where information you don't consciously recall will pop up and help you make your decision."

"Oh." Dragon had heard of intuition, but she'd never really understood what the term meant. Riley's explanation clarified matters somewhat and put her more at ease with what was going on. "Thank you. That does help." She looked down at Sparks, caressing the smooth-scaled neck with her thumb. "I'm going to change back now, okay?"

She wasn't just saying it for her own benefit. The more she associated with him, the more convinced she was that he understood every word she said. Climbing out of her arms, he scrambled up onto her shoulder, spreading his wings slightly for balance, and gave her an encouraging chirp.

Again, she took a deep breath, but this time she kept her eyes open. Now that she was able to perform the change by herself, she wanted to see what it looked like from the inside. This was mainly for data-gathering reasons, but also because she was just plain curious.

It was easier this time. As soon as she fixed the image of the dragon in her mind and made the first mental push toward it, her body began to change. She wasn't quite sure what the interval between scales appearing all over her body and her clothes vanishing actually was, but it had to be only a few seconds.

She hadn't noticed the gathering of bulk the first time she'd taken on the dragon form, but now it came to her attention, especially as the tail extended from her backbone and the wings unfolded from behind her shoulderblades. Her arms and legs didn't extend in length but bulked out significantly in muscle, while her hands and feet became scaled, claw-tipped paws. Specifically, her hands could still be used as such, though the fingers were thicker and significantly less dextrous.

She'd noticed the reshaping of her skull the last time around, but what she hadn't picked up was how much sharper her vision became once her eyes were those of a dragon. In hindsight, this wasn't a total surprise—making out details at great distance was a useful trait for a flying predator species—but it was definitely something new on the list of 'cool stuff dragons can do'. In fact, she suspected (but could not immediately confirm) that their visual range actually extended into the ultraviolet and infrared parts of the spectrum.

By the time it was over, she was reasonably certain it had taken less time than the initial transformation, but that was probably to be expected. Not that she was any kind of expert on magic, but in the experience she did have, every subsequent iteration of a new process went more quickly and smoothly than the initial run. Neither was she complaining; the less time it took her to assume her new form (or rather, her new new form), the better.

She had also needed to lower herself to the floor partway through, when her legs became her hind legs, and her sense of balance became insufficient to keep her upright. Fortunately, her new body had come with the instincts for how to comfortably sit and stand, so the awkwardness there was minimal. Turning her head on her (now much more flexible) neck, she looked at Sparks, who had maintained his perch on her shoulder throughout the transformation.

||Hi,|| she said. ||Ready to see how hard I can face-plant while learning how to fly?||

She wasn't sure if being a dragon made her more empathetic toward hearth-dragons, or if she was just getting to know him better, but his chirp seemed to combine aspects of 'I believe in you' and 'but just in case, I'm getting popcorn'. And that was hearth-dragons all over, she decided. They definitely had a sense of humour, and weren't shy about sharing it.

"Anything I can do to help?" Riley asked. "The boss basically said I was at your disposal until you've got yourself sorted out here." The grin lurking at the corner of her mouth suggested that she'd picked up on Sparks' deeper meaning, but that was probably because she hung out with hearth-dragons all day.

||Yes, actually, please. If you've got a camera of some kind, I'd really appreciate you getting footage of this. If it takes me more than a few lessons, I'd like to have something to help me figure out where I'm going wrong.||

Riley smirked. "You must really trust me, because that sort of thing's liable to be amazing blackmail material."

||Well, yes, I get that.|| Dragon found that when she grinned, Riley did indeed take half a step back. Her grins were a lot sharper in this form, she decided. ||But I do trust you, so if you could do that for me, I'd really appreciate it.||

"I can totally do that. Head on down, and I'll catch you up." Riley gestured toward the passage that would take them to the Dragonmark's ledge. "I'm certain they'll be thrilled to see you."

||I hope so. They made enough of a fuss over me when I mentioned it the first time.|| Still, Dragon harboured a niggling worry in the back of her mind. What if she didn't manage to live up to their expectations?

Taking a deep breath, she started in the direction of the appropriate passage, with Sparks still riding at the base of her neck. More than she'd ever felt in human form, her dragon body felt like a coiled spring, ready to explode into violent action at a moment's notice. Just padding through the Master's work-room, she was aware of every muscle sliding under the scaled skin, every twitch of the tail.

Is it going to be like this all the time? Because if it is, I am going to be so distracted.

Upon reaching the appropriate doorway, she awkwardly reached up with her forepaw and touched the correct spot on the frame, opening the portal that led out onto the ledge. She stepped forward, conveying Sparks through onto the smooth stone and flicking her tail out of the way just in case the portal had a time limit. (She didn't think it would, but there was no such thing as being too careful.)

Several members of the Dragonmark were sunning themselves on the broad ledge, while others were either flying above or out of sight elsewhere. She made it about ten yards out onto the ledge before one of them—Cirrus, as it turned out—lifted his head and turned to look at her. Her vision was sharp enough to spot the widening of his eyes and the delighted expression that crossed his draconic features.

||Hi!|| she shouted, pushing her telepathy as hard as she could. ||I'm back!||

Cirrus sat up, nudging Finesse, who had been dozing alongside him. ||Everyone! She has returned! And look how adorable she is!||

Even the dragons soaring above must have picked up his mental bellow, because they turned and dived toward the ledge; at the same time, Dragon heard queries coming from within the caverns that had been tunnelled into the vertical rock face. ||What? Who has returned? What do you mean, adorable?||

Finesse was properly awake by this time; leaping into the air, she literally glided over Cirrus, to land with micrometric precision just short of Dragon. ||By the Primordial Egg, you are so very cute! Spread your wings, dear one. I want to see how beautiful they are.||

The sheer joy in the older dragon's expression helped to offset some of the self-consciousness she was feeling as she obeyed. Spreading her wings out to their fullest, she flexed them one way and then the other. By the time she'd finished, dragons were crowding out of the caverns, and the fliers had landed. There was room enough on the ledge for them all and to spare, but to have so many crowding around and specifically staring at her felt more than a little claustrophobic.

||—so pretty—||

||—she has my eyes—||

||—do you see that graceful walk? That's all me—||

||—keep dreaming, those are both mine—||

Having pushed his way to a spot alongside Finesse, Cirrus unfurled one enormous wing and curled it protectively around Dragon. Then he inflated his lungs, appearing to double his size, and let out a mighty roar that was all the louder for the proximity of the vertical wall alongside them. ||ENOUGH!|| he bellowed on the mental channel. ||Do you behave this way around hatchlings? She is new to this! Let her have some air!||

For all that the Dragonmark seemed to be a largely egalitarian society, he had enough authority—or perhaps his roar had temporarily intimidated them—that they backed off a little, making apologetic noises. Finesse smiled and rubbed her flank against her mate's. ||Thank you, dearest.|| Lowering her head to Dragon's level, she confided, ||Do not be afraid of him. He's more bluster than action.||

||I heard that,|| Cirrus protested.

Finesse's tone was serene. ||I know. So, dear one, do you wish to learn how to fly?||

Dragon raised her head and tried to sound as confident as she could. ||Yes, please. I would be grateful if you could teach me.||

||Of course,|| declared Cirrus. ||I will have you flying as strongly as myself in no time.||

Finesse turned her head and gave her mate a Look. ||She was asking me, you overgrown alligator. I am the smoothest flyer in the Dragonmark, after all.||

||Hmph. Very well.|| Cirrus lowered his head alongside Finesse's. ||But once she's taught you the basics, come to me and I'll show you how to really fly.||

||I'll keep that in mind,|| Dragon replied diplomatically.

Fortunately, he seemed to take her words at face value. ||Good. Until then, we will all allow Finesse to show our newest member how to soar the sky alongside us.|| His gimlet eye raked over the other dragons. ||Won't we?||

Variation on 'yes, Cirrus' came back as the dragons backed off a little more, though some seemed set to leap in and 'assist' at the slightest provocation.

||Very good.|| Finesse turned to Dragon. ||So, the first lesson is to be aware of airflow. Come stand at the brink of the ledge with your wings spread, and feel the updraft …||



End of Part Forty

 

[Kanoun2020]

TFTC
I really like the the dragons personality so kind and welcoming with the funny moment her and there

 

[Wintercat]

I like the fun interaction. Snek is definitely a Star quality individual, but the dragons are a fun group to hang around, and I think the shenanigans linked to them are amusing to witness. I think this story has grown from humble beginnings to something that will be remembered quite fondly for a long while, and seeing it still going and proceeding is a delight. All good things must come to an end eventually, but I am hoping this story has a good long while to go.

I even started to think about possibilities of some fan-written Omakes. I could see Snek being approached by some multiversal traveler for help in another world / different setting, and Snek intervening in the no doubt hilarious manner.

---

"Please, we need someone to save us from the bad snake man..."

"You pathetic fools! I am Lord Voldemort, and I-"

<Chomp>

---

I shortened it a lot, but the thought of a Great Big Snake that ignores a Parseltongue command entirely because Snek's friend 'Mione is in trouble and just turns Voldemort's no-nose nonsensical Homunculus body into a mid-fight snack is just too amusing. The baffled confusion of both the Warriors of the Light and the Death Eaters alike would be hilarious.

I think Snek would have potentially a lot of fun in other settings too.

---

"No Snek, even if they are 'yummy', they are not called 'Nomes' because of 'nom-nom' noises of eating many of them in a turn..."

<All for One's diabolical doctor in charge of making the monstrosities pissing himself in a corner in fright after the whole line-up of empowered Hero-Killer monsters meant to take down All Might just became a hastily devoured set of 'fast food'.>

---

Thanks for the new chapter, and just had me wondering what kind of fun side-adventures a Snek in the Multiverse could do on the free time.

 

[Ack]

I like the fun interaction. Snek is definitely a Star quality individual, but the dragons are a fun group to hang around, and I think the shenanigans linked to them are amusing to witness. I think this story has grown from humble beginnings to something that will be remembered quite fondly for a long while, and seeing it still going and proceeding is a delight. All good things must come to an end eventually, but I am hoping this story has a good long while to go.

I even started to think about possibilities of some fan-written Omakes. I could see Snek being approached by some multiversal traveler for help in another world / different setting, and Snek intervening in the no doubt hilarious manner.

---

"Please, we need someone to save us from the bad snake man..."

"You pathetic fools! I am Lord Voldemort, and I-"

<Chomp>

---

I shortened it a lot, but the thought of a Great Big Snake that ignores a Parseltongue command entirely because Snek's friend 'Mione is in trouble and just turns Voldemort's no-nose nonsensical Homunculus body into a mid-fight snack is just too amusing. The baffled confusion of both the Warriors of the Light and the Death Eaters alike would be hilarious.

I think Snek would have potentially a lot of fun in other settings too.

---

"No Snek, even if they are 'yummy', they are not called 'Nomes' because of 'nom-nom' noises of eating many of them in a turn..."

<All for One's diabolical doctor in charge of making the monstrosities pissing himself in a corner in fright after the whole line-up of empowered Hero-Killer monsters meant to take down All Might just became a hastily devoured set of 'fast food'.>

---

Thanks for the new chapter, and just had me wondering what kind of fun side-adventures a Snek in the Multiverse could do on the free time.

Click to shrink...

"Ssnek hass new friend."

"Oh, that's nice, Snek."

"Iss big long ssnake that livess in cave under casstle."

"... oh, really?"

"Yess. Ssnek playss chasse gamess. Friend ssnake triess to turn Ssnek into sstone with eyess, but Masster magic iss better. Iss lotss of fun."