Blundo
I trust you know where the happy button is?
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2015
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Yeah in my opinion it's mostly a matter of confidence+proactivity+non-doormatness being attractive (provided you hit a certain minimum level of either looks or social cachet — otherwise that confidence is often be unattractive and prone to mockery), and that being an asshole is one of the easiest ways of appearing confident, proactive, and not a doormat. Also to an extent higher-status than you might actually be, if people buy into your ego-driven "I'm better than everyone else" nonsense (though most people past the age of 23 or so will see through that part).I've always felt like the real reason "women like assholes" is a truism is because of the syllogistic fallacy. Women often like confident men. Assholes often have undue confidence. Therefore, women often wind up falling for assholes. But that doesn't mean women like them because they're assholes.
Also, the cynical side of me wonders how much of it comes from the fact that anyone keeping the woman you're into from dating you by selfishly dating her first is clearly an asshole.
Very few people are "seeking out assholes", it's just that assholes will be overrepresented in the group of people with those traits — traits I think should be considered attractive. Clearest proof is probably that there are plenty of assholes who don't have those traits (for example the "nerd clique" at my high school was the biggest nest of bitter miserable backstabbers you could imagine, and I am very grateful my parents shaped me into enough of a jock to avoid that social scene despite some shared interests lol), and they're definitely not drowning in attention.
tl;dr: Pleasant dude with those desirable traits will generally do better than an asshole with them, who will generally do better than a pleasant dude without them, who in turn will do WAY better than an asshole without them.