Mr Zoat
Dedicated ragequitter
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15th August 2000
18:36 GMT
I frown slightly as the excited-looking Bláthnaid stabs her wooden fork through her cod's batter and splits it open, a thin whiff of water vapour rising out.
"Are you sure.. this is alright?"
She looks around, taking in the sea, the wooden bench we're sitting at, the wood and wrought iron pier the fish and chip shop we order from is build into and, past it, the rest of the seafront.
"We're far enough away. And we don't get a lot a' fish in th' cavern."
I nod as I make vents in the batter around my huss. "Can you eat human food?"
"Just about everything we've tried. But we haven't had much variety recently." She spears and lump of fish and batter and brings it into her mouth. Then her eyes widen.
"Good? Ver g-?"
"Hot!" She grabs her coke can and tries to twist the top off. "Too hot!"
Hands moving in a blur, I grab it from her and pull the ring pull. Carbonated sugar water bubbles out for a moment before she brings it to her mouth and takes a gulp. For a moment, she experiences relief.
"Pjcuh-cgh!"
Then the bubbles hit, and she cough-choke-sneezes!
"What the bluddy hell-" I pass her a tissue and she wipes her mouth and nose. "-was that?"
"Carbon dioxide dissolved in the drink. A lot of people enjoy the sensation."
She stares at me in incomprehension. "'re they daft?"
"You're not supposed to drink it quite that fast." I smile. "Or breathe it in."
"Oi'm not a plant. What do oi want wit' carbon dioxide?"
I reach over to my right, pick up my one pint milk bottle and hold it up. "I don't drink it. You're the one who wanted it."
She looks over to the other five drink cans I bought her. "'re they all loik this?"
"They're all carbonated, yes. Try drinking some when you're not burning your mouth."
She takes a moment to steady herself, then nods. "Alright, fine."
She takes a deep breathe, passes the damp tissue back to me, then cautiously raises the coke to her mouth before taking a extremely cautious sip. She looks a little awkward when the bubbles hit, but she doesn't seem to hate the experience.
"What's in it?"
I point to the can. "It's written on the back."
She turns it around and peers at it, frowning in concentration. "What's 'tartaric acid'?"
I shake my head. "I have no idea. I know it's safe for human consumption, if that's any help."
She takes another sip, and appears to decide that she doesn't hate it. "How'd it go wi' th' machine man?"
"I had to dress up in a suit made of shadoen flesh to attract its attention, then it turned out that the thing it was looking for was actually there. I could have done nothing and achieved more or less the same result. And then the military destroyed it, which is going to create a huge problem."
She frowns. "But you're no' keeping th' Alliance a secret."
"Yes, but whereas before the Alliance did whatever it wanted, now we've got to discuss how far our authority goes with every country on Earth. The British government decided to use military aircraft, and they didn't notify us before the strike happened. So now Director Logan has to sort out why they did it and who's pushing what agenda."
She shrugs. "Why's it mattur?"
"For you, it matters because at the moment the Alliance is responsible for liaising between human governments and nonhuman settlements. But there isn't really anything stopping a government from refusing to allow us to work in their territory, or the world's most powerful governments setting up their own agency and… Technically they can't force us to shut down, but they can refuse to acknowledge our credentials which would effectively do the same thing."
She stares at me in incomprehension. "What 're you talking about?"
"Ah…" What would be the equivalent..? "Imagine if the queens on the banshee homeworld found out that the vampires on Earth weren't really doing anything and ordered all the banshee on Earth to move to another planet."
Her eyes widen. "They can't do that!"
"You know them better than I do, but that's basically what's happening to the Alliance."
"Does that mattur t' th' banshee?"
"Not so long as you have a decent relationship with the Irish government. It's more a potential problem for species with conventional technology like the vampires."
"Oi don't much care what happens t' th' loiks o' them."
"If the major nations of the world start seizing examples of advanced technology and then fighting each other for more, it will start to become an issue. Vampires selling to everyone with the world unified against a potential shadoen return works out best because there's no competition." I sigh as I spear a sufficiently cooled chip. "I'm just glad that we could move the wrecks before the British government could seize them. If they even wanted to."
"Maybe they jus' wanted t' kill th' robots."
I shake my head. "They didn't check the situation on the ground. It's very bad practice to bomb a place without doing that."
She frowns. "Would that a' hurt you?"
"Unless it caught me completely by surprise, no. But they didn't know that."
She forks another piece of cod, and this time manages to eat it without burning herself. I eat a chip, taking a moment to consider… Her. Alright, I knew that banshees could function in society because that's what Senior Agent Blaze does every day. But it's a little odd to see one out here…
"I got the impression that you only agreed to this because I didn't back down."
"You're not bad comp'ny. And I would'nae have any idea where t'go."
"So is this going to become a regular thing, or were you just curious?"
She snorts. "Got competition, have oi?"
"I think one of the vampire agents was hitting on me." Her eyes widen. "Either that, or she was just hungry." Her face hardens. "I think she wants to increase her status by using me as a threat in being to other vampires."
"Don't you be spendin' time with the loiks a' her."
"I said 'no' to being fed on, thank you for your concern."
"Roit. I'm keepin' y', then."
I blink. "Um."
"Oi'm not lettin' m'-. You outta moi soit if'n some poisonous snake it jus' going t' snatch y' oop."
"I appreciate the thought, but she and I both work for the Alliance-."
"Foin!"
15th August 2000
14:06 GMT -7
"Here!"
Senior Agent Blaze looks up from her desk, frowning, as Bláthnaid slams her application paperwork down in front of her. She takes it from her, realises what it is and then turns to stare incredulously at me.
I smile politely. "Date went well, sir."
18:36 GMT
I frown slightly as the excited-looking Bláthnaid stabs her wooden fork through her cod's batter and splits it open, a thin whiff of water vapour rising out.
"Are you sure.. this is alright?"
She looks around, taking in the sea, the wooden bench we're sitting at, the wood and wrought iron pier the fish and chip shop we order from is build into and, past it, the rest of the seafront.
"We're far enough away. And we don't get a lot a' fish in th' cavern."
I nod as I make vents in the batter around my huss. "Can you eat human food?"
"Just about everything we've tried. But we haven't had much variety recently." She spears and lump of fish and batter and brings it into her mouth. Then her eyes widen.
"Good? Ver g-?"
"Hot!" She grabs her coke can and tries to twist the top off. "Too hot!"
Hands moving in a blur, I grab it from her and pull the ring pull. Carbonated sugar water bubbles out for a moment before she brings it to her mouth and takes a gulp. For a moment, she experiences relief.
"Pjcuh-cgh!"
Then the bubbles hit, and she cough-choke-sneezes!
"What the bluddy hell-" I pass her a tissue and she wipes her mouth and nose. "-was that?"
"Carbon dioxide dissolved in the drink. A lot of people enjoy the sensation."
She stares at me in incomprehension. "'re they daft?"
"You're not supposed to drink it quite that fast." I smile. "Or breathe it in."
"Oi'm not a plant. What do oi want wit' carbon dioxide?"
I reach over to my right, pick up my one pint milk bottle and hold it up. "I don't drink it. You're the one who wanted it."
She looks over to the other five drink cans I bought her. "'re they all loik this?"
"They're all carbonated, yes. Try drinking some when you're not burning your mouth."
She takes a moment to steady herself, then nods. "Alright, fine."
She takes a deep breathe, passes the damp tissue back to me, then cautiously raises the coke to her mouth before taking a extremely cautious sip. She looks a little awkward when the bubbles hit, but she doesn't seem to hate the experience.
"What's in it?"
I point to the can. "It's written on the back."
She turns it around and peers at it, frowning in concentration. "What's 'tartaric acid'?"
I shake my head. "I have no idea. I know it's safe for human consumption, if that's any help."
She takes another sip, and appears to decide that she doesn't hate it. "How'd it go wi' th' machine man?"
"I had to dress up in a suit made of shadoen flesh to attract its attention, then it turned out that the thing it was looking for was actually there. I could have done nothing and achieved more or less the same result. And then the military destroyed it, which is going to create a huge problem."
She frowns. "But you're no' keeping th' Alliance a secret."
"Yes, but whereas before the Alliance did whatever it wanted, now we've got to discuss how far our authority goes with every country on Earth. The British government decided to use military aircraft, and they didn't notify us before the strike happened. So now Director Logan has to sort out why they did it and who's pushing what agenda."
She shrugs. "Why's it mattur?"
"For you, it matters because at the moment the Alliance is responsible for liaising between human governments and nonhuman settlements. But there isn't really anything stopping a government from refusing to allow us to work in their territory, or the world's most powerful governments setting up their own agency and… Technically they can't force us to shut down, but they can refuse to acknowledge our credentials which would effectively do the same thing."
She stares at me in incomprehension. "What 're you talking about?"
"Ah…" What would be the equivalent..? "Imagine if the queens on the banshee homeworld found out that the vampires on Earth weren't really doing anything and ordered all the banshee on Earth to move to another planet."
Her eyes widen. "They can't do that!"
"You know them better than I do, but that's basically what's happening to the Alliance."
"Does that mattur t' th' banshee?"
"Not so long as you have a decent relationship with the Irish government. It's more a potential problem for species with conventional technology like the vampires."
"Oi don't much care what happens t' th' loiks o' them."
"If the major nations of the world start seizing examples of advanced technology and then fighting each other for more, it will start to become an issue. Vampires selling to everyone with the world unified against a potential shadoen return works out best because there's no competition." I sigh as I spear a sufficiently cooled chip. "I'm just glad that we could move the wrecks before the British government could seize them. If they even wanted to."
"Maybe they jus' wanted t' kill th' robots."
I shake my head. "They didn't check the situation on the ground. It's very bad practice to bomb a place without doing that."
She frowns. "Would that a' hurt you?"
"Unless it caught me completely by surprise, no. But they didn't know that."
She forks another piece of cod, and this time manages to eat it without burning herself. I eat a chip, taking a moment to consider… Her. Alright, I knew that banshees could function in society because that's what Senior Agent Blaze does every day. But it's a little odd to see one out here…
"I got the impression that you only agreed to this because I didn't back down."
"You're not bad comp'ny. And I would'nae have any idea where t'go."
"So is this going to become a regular thing, or were you just curious?"
She snorts. "Got competition, have oi?"
"I think one of the vampire agents was hitting on me." Her eyes widen. "Either that, or she was just hungry." Her face hardens. "I think she wants to increase her status by using me as a threat in being to other vampires."
"Don't you be spendin' time with the loiks a' her."
"I said 'no' to being fed on, thank you for your concern."
"Roit. I'm keepin' y', then."
I blink. "Um."
"Oi'm not lettin' m'-. You outta moi soit if'n some poisonous snake it jus' going t' snatch y' oop."
"I appreciate the thought, but she and I both work for the Alliance-."
"Foin!"
15th August 2000
14:06 GMT -7
"Here!"
Senior Agent Blaze looks up from her desk, frowning, as Bláthnaid slams her application paperwork down in front of her. She takes it from her, realises what it is and then turns to stare incredulously at me.
I smile politely. "Date went well, sir."