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Chapter 71 - Simple Boobery & A Firm Reminder
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Privaty clung to Joe's arm, curled up and letting out a low, warbling whine.
The man was almost exasperated by how remarkably stereotypical the situation was.
The Commander had been dragged to a movie theatre, wherein the little blunette had insisted upon a horror movie. Or, rather, a 'horror' movie. It was some basic bitch stuff Joe was forgetting as he watched it.
It was doing the trick, though. Giving Privaty an excuse to do the 'scared girl clings to big strong man for safety' bit.
Not that Joe was complaining about that, he was typical enough that having a beautiful woman press her body into his was very buéno. It was just…
Rote, he supposed? It felt very… Off. Like this was a situation that didn't belong in this world. Mankind was on the losing side of a war of extinction… Joe had been witness to the horrors of that.
Yet, here he was, being made to watch a shitty b-grade horror movie at a public theatre so a pretty girl could do a stereotypical dating bit with him.
The disconnect was throwing him for a loop. Leaving him almost feeling like a passenger in his own body, as a dream he couldn't possibly have been actually experiencing happened around him.
What a curious sensation.
After that was done, Privaty pulled the wayward Canuck along to find somewhere to eat next. Preferably somewhere with 'stellar service,' as she put it.
Luckily, she'd heard good things about a particular location, and thus, quickly enough, Joe found himself looking up at the sign of a decently-sized, relatively high-traffic establishment. "'Maid for You?'" His brow furrowed at the implications.
Privaty wasn't about to drag him into a maid café, was she?
At any rate, the tiniest counter-terrorism specialist was quick to drag the man inside by the elbow. She hummed pleasantly as she glanced around the large, wide-open space that made up the building—quickly making note of the fact that it was one big open room.
The kitchen was clearly exposed to the main dining area, separated only by an island counter.
There was additionally a set of stairs leading up to a second floor, to which Joe could only just see what looked like curtains. A sort of performance area? The general atmosphere was quite welcoming and light, if nothing else.
Otherwise, there were a few other customers in the… Restaurant(?), happily digging into their dishes and-
"C-Commander!?" Anis, bereft of her typical heavy jacket and beret, cried out in open horror.
Joe blinked, shifting his attention to track the source of the voice, and indeed, finding the blonde with her hair worn in a messy bob seated at a small table on her own. She seemed to have just finished eating something, given the used plate and utensils set atop it.
Lips parting, he was about to respond to her, only for a door set in the wall next to the stairs to swing open, out of which stepped the platonic ideal of a traditional maid.
"Anis," the gorgeous woman called out. "Adjustments to your uniform are done. You may begin your shift now." She then took note of Joe and Privaty, curtsying to the pair and noting, "Welcome, Masters. We apologize for the delay and will be with you shortly."
All the colour rapidly faded from Anis' face, and with a rapidly rising blush, she rose from her seat and power-walked to the door the maid had stepped out of. Pointedly, she did not look Joe's way as she did so.
Of all the things the Commander had expected out of coming into this establishment, randomly discovering that Anis apparently moonlit as a maid café waitress was not one of them.
Least of all considering how the little shit hemmed and hawed about so much as cleaning up after herself at the outpost.
"Ah! Anis!" Another woman's voice called out, high-pitched, girly and excitable, the source was out of sight, and so Joe had no basis on which to describe her appearance… "Here! Let's get you dressed up in your new uniform! Let's get you out of those clothes then!"
Beyond the audibly lurid giggle that clearly originated from Anis, at least. Idly, the man recalled how blatantly Anis' eyes had been locked to Ludmilla's ass when they were following her back at the Northern Base.
So, whoever that other presumed employee was, she was probably Anis' type then. Probably a looker, to elicit such an unapologetically rakish response to the notion of being undressed by another woman.
…Was Anis just working here to get close to that chick?
No, doubtful, probably not. She didn't strike him as the sort to do that kind of thing. She was probably just picking up a side hustle for more pocket change.
At any rate, the maid that had called out to Anis approached Joe and Privaty with a small, but intensely genial and welcoming smile. "Hello, Masters," she started with a small, proper bow. "My name is Ade. Will you be dining with us this evening?"
Joe was making an effort to keep his eyes fixed on Ade's face, which admittedly wasn't particularly difficult given how much of a traditional beauty she was.
Long blond hair was tied up in a braid-encircled bun on the back of her head, her crown capped off with a typical frilly headband. Her bangs were parted in an elegant style, framing her fair-skinned, womanly face and olive green eyes in a very pleasing manner.
She wore simple, brass-framed glasses with a tasteful chain streaming off the frame and draping around her neck, yet only further adding to her dignified charm.
Why was Joe having to make an effort to keep focused on Ade's face? Because she was very well endowed, which her traditional, frilly, full-length and poofy-shouldered monochromatic dress did nothing to hide—this despite the outfit being very tastefully conservative in its design.
All-in-all, a very distractingly beautiful woman, to say the least. Made all the worse for Joe given that she looked to only be about 5'2"/158cm in three-inch/eight-centimetre heels.
Joe loved his shortstacks, and by God, were shortstacks distressingly common in the Ark for some blessed reason.
"Yes," Privaty answered for herself and Joe, wearing a broad, if somewhat strained smile as she did so. "That would be swell, thank you."
"Then allow me to show you to your table, Masters," Ade turned, gesturing for the pair to follow her with a surprisingly sophisticated motion.
As the duo did so, Joe grunted upon receiving a tiny elbow in the side. Privaty was giving him the stink-eye, lips pursed to the side in annoyance at some perceived slight. The man didn't know what was up with that, and quickly enough, Ade had them seated at a cutely decorated table.
Handing the two a pair of small menus, she declared: "The menu may be small, but I assure you, it's only so that each dish can be prepared with as much love and care as is deserving of our customers as possible. Please, take your time choosing, someone will be back to take your order shortly."
Flashing Joe and Privaty a brilliant, understated smile, Ade about-faced and went back the way she'd come, once more disappearing into the same door Anis had. Once she was gone, Privaty fixed Joe with a withering glower.
"W-what!?" He cried out, immediately feeling rather put-upon, to say the least.
"So you're into zeppelins, huh?" Privaty asked, projecting all of her apparent annoyance right at Joe's face.
"W-bwah?" Joe cried, recoiling in abject confusion as he reached up to set a hand on his head. "What the Hell is- Huh?"
"Oh, like I wouldn't notice!" Privaty started in an accusatory tone. "Blondes with big, heaving… Those!" She gestured in the general direction of her chest-
"Did you just refer to her breasts as zeppelins?" Joe leaned in, speaking under his breath to avoid making a scene and looking at Privaty like she was crazy.
"So you were looking!" The twintailed little lady suddenly leaned forward in her seat, seeing to bare her little teeth at the Commander as she did so. "I knew it!"
"First off, no I wasn't!" Joe started, "Second-"
"You were weren't looking!" He was cut off by the blunette, her hair bouncing around her figure as she did that sassy annoyed woman full body gesticulation thing. "You weren't not- You noticed!" She dramatically pointed at him.
"No shit I noticed! It's kind of difficult not to!" Joe asserted in his own defence, because good Lord woman, "You saw her too!"
"I-I only looked a bit!" Privaty suddenly leaned back defensively, as if attempting to avoid an oncoming jab in a boxing match. "T-they're huge- I mean I wasn't looking! She's pretty and her whole outfit is clearly designed to call attention to them! Not that I noticed!"
"Holy mackerel the projection is real!" Joe declared, throwing his arms out like a put-upon used car salesman. "Why are you getting mad at me for something you were doing!?"
"What the heck do fish have to do with this you weirdo!?" Privaty shot back, dramatically cocking her head at Joe and furrowing her brows over wide-open eyes. "What, you're comparing those artillery shells of hers to whales now? Do you ever not think about airbags!?"
"Why are you so hyper-fixated on her chest!?" Joe's expression grew increasingly dumbstruck and confused. "And why do you keep using such weird euphemisms to describe them-"
"I'm not 'hyper-fixated' on her gazongers!" Privaty defensively asserted. "What's so good about big balloons anyways!? They're huge and at first you're proud of them but then they get in the way and you have to dress around them and you get picked on and called 'top heavy' and you get asked if they're going to cause you to fail this training operation too-!"
She stopped, mouth hanging open mid-rant before her eyes opened to their maximum and her pupils constricted to tiny little mortified pinpricks.
"N-N-Not that I'd know anything about all of that!"
What was she- Privaty was visibly modestly endowed, where was this even coming from!?
"Privaty what the fuck are you talking about-!?" Joe started with overwhelmed exasperation, only to be cut off again.
"Excuse me, Masters," this time, by a small, tiny, and extremely derpy voice interrupted the pair's increasingly stupid and pointless argument. "Are your orders ready?"
Turning aside to the source of the voice, Joe paused and glanced down. Where Ade was a full-figured woman, this maid was tiny, small, an actual child. Long pink hair was up into thin twintails, adorned with a single, black bow planted dead centre of her forehead, and she was dressed in a cute, overly frilly maid's dress.
Her eyes, despite their impressive size, were heavily lidded in a lazy manner, causing the girl to project a very particular aura despite being just a small child.
Where Privaty had been growing increasingly feral but a moment ago, suddenly, she one-eightied and started to outright squeal in glee. "Ooooh, look at you! You're so cuuute!" She cooed gleefully, turning fully in her seat to cup her own cheeks and lean over to focus entirely on the tiny little maid.
"I know," the little girl replied matter-of-factually, her derpy voice only serving to punctuate her seeming self-assuredness. "I'm Cocoa, the perfect maid," she asserted with a little thumbs-up and a sparkle in her eyes. "Masters, are you ready to order?"
Privaty continued to gush over Cocoa for a few moments, rapidly clicking her heels on the fine panelled wood floor of the establishment in excitement. Eventually, she seemed to gather herself enough to reply. "What do you suggest, Cocoa?" She asked in a sickeningly sweet tone.
"Omurice!" Cocoa was quick to reply, "I draw the best ketchup pictures on omurice!"
"We'll take two omurices then!" Privaty leaned forward, smiling broadly as she presented two fingers and continued to coo over Cocoa with glee.
In reply, Cocoa sharply nodded once, furrowing her brow and presenting the blunette with a goofy little thumbs-up. "You'll have your omurice right away then, masters!"
With that, the tiniest maid about-faced and marched her tiny little legs to the kitchen in the back of the dining area. This suggested that she was going to prepare the food herself… Wasn't omurice actually supposed to be exceptionally difficult to do right-?
"Isn't she the cutest little thing?" Privaty to face Joe again, still gushing about Cocoa. "Ooh, I knew it was a good idea to come here!"
Blinking, Joe shrugged, "Yeah, sure," he noncommittally replied with a shrug. He didn't really have the paternal instincts that seemed to flare up whenever a lot of people set eyes on a kid. He was just indifferent towards them.
At that, Privaty gave the man a perplexed look. She seemed visibly confused for a few moments, but then shook her head as if to dismiss an errant thought. Shifting in her seat to properly face Joe again, she set her elbows on the table, and planted her chin in her hands.
"I can't say say this is what I expected when this place was recommended to me…" She said as she lightly cocked her head at the Commander, simply observing him now.
"Despite 'maid' literally being in the name?" Joe wondered with a popped brow, leaning back in his seat as he crossed his arms.
Privaty's eyes went wide as she, again, leaned back and grimaced. "T-that doesn't mean anything! Who would see that word being in a restaurant's name and assume that means it's staffed by maids!?"
"I did," Joe flatly noted, bemusement lacing his tone.
"T-that- Yeah right! Sure! Totally!" Privaty cried, attempting to project an air of doubt despite her rapidly mounting panic. "I believe you, for sure!"
God, what an idiot. Joe loved her.
Idly, the man patted his pants pocket to habitually adjust his phone—only to find that it was missing. Blinking, Joe immediately realized that he must have forgotten it back in his room. It was rare for him to do that.
While on the one hand, that could prove to be a problem, on the other, they were supposed to be on a break. So, it would probably be fine, right?
Yeah, it was probably nothing to worry about for now.
[Joe? Are you there? Where are you? I can't find you, Anis isn't responding either and my messages aren't even going through to Neon. Please respond.]
Rapi sent yet another text to the Commander, brows furrowed with intense anxiety and lips drawn into a heavy grimace.
She couldn't find him, despite going around almost the entire Outpost, and she was getting increasingly worried. She needed to stay by his side, that was her purpose. Why wasn't he responding to her? Was he mad? Was he ignoring her? Did he hate her-?
Breath hitching, Rapi clenched her teeth and firmly locked her eyes shut as she took a deep, bracing breath.
It was okay, it was fine. She just needed to make it up to him. She just needed to be there for him, and show that she would always be there for him. It was okay, it was fine. Words were meaningless, but actions meant everything, so he'd know, if she just stayed with him at all times, he'd know and forgive her and-
"Rapi?" The strawberry blonde was startled out of her stupor, a gentle hand setting itself on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"
Sharply turning to face the speaker, Rapunzel's big blue eyes were glimmering with unfettered worry and concern.
"Ah-" Rapi started, her voice hitching and breaking as she tried to collect herself. "I-I-"
After a few moments, Rapunzel's brow furrowed, and with determination etching across her features, she nodded, moving to pull Rapi along. "Come, let's find somewhere quiet to sit down and talk."
"N-no, it's fine-" Rapi started warily, "I-"
"No, it's clearly not fine, Rapi," Rapunzel asserted pointedly, continuing to pull her along. "Something is obviously bothering you, and I want you to at least try to talk to me about it. I know you would avoid acknowledging and discussing such things in the past… But things have to be different now."
Frowning, Rapi was immediately flashing back to the 'discussion' with Snow White. She didn't want to have to be subjected to that again. Being shouted at and reminded of how horrible she was, even as she was trying to make it better the only way she could…
Rapunzel stopped, stared at Rapi for a few long moments, before encircling her arms around the far smaller woman's figure, drawing her into a gentle embrace.
Blinking in surprise, Rapi's eyes darted about, not quite sure how to take this.
"Rapi," Rapunzel lightly squeezed her. "Whatever it is that's bothering you, I just want to help you. You're my sister, and while I understand that things are strange and perhaps a bit uncomfortable for you right now… I help the people I care about. Something is clearly terribly bothering you. Please, let me help."
There was a beat in which Rapi's breath hitched again. Eventually, she replied in a low, beaten-down voice: "You won't want to help once you know, just like Snow White…"
There was a very heavy pause, and, still being held in a tight embrace, Rapi felt a chill run down her spine as Rapunzel replied: "What do you mean by that?" Her typically sugary sweet voice taking on a sharp edge normally not present.
Rapi didn't respond, just going quiet as she suddenly felt a deep, terrifying worry as something deep inside of her was stirred, and felt as though a landmine had just gone 'click.'
"Rapi," Rapunzel repeated herself, squeezing the far shorter woman just a little bit harder. "What do you mean by that? What did Snow White do? What did she say to you?"
Somehow, despite Rapunzel being a big teddy bear, Rapi felt a distant emotion, a shadow of a forgotten memory launching a flare in desperation. Suddenly, Rapi remembered a fear of Rapunzel.
"Rapi," Rapunzel's voice became very, deeply stern. "What. Did. You. Mean. By. That?"
Somehow, Rapi felt terror.
For Snow White.