A Chaotic Konosuba

[Bammer28252]

Chapter one

A Familiar Unlucky Luck
​

You know when life hits you in the face it's also always chaotic that something you would never expect to happen to you happens?
You're on the road to making your life better, learning to get out of your comfort zone and learning to be something that just barely gets by in life, then you kick the can via a car accident after you just got over your fear of cars and driving.
Then you're like me. My name is Jason Vera and welcome to my chaotic life after it's passing.

………

……
​

"Where…Where am I?"
Looking around all I see is pitch black and even turning around it's the same thing, just the same darkness.
'Why is it so dark I can't even see my hand? I know my vision is bad but not to the point that I can't even see.' Then as I continued to wade and look through the darkness I realized something.
"Am I dead? Is that what I get for not believing in god or no religion just an empty void?" Then as soon as I said that something very bright appears and instantly blinds me and makes my eyes sting.

[Chaos Gacha…..activation complete]

​

[Would you like to roll curses? Curses in life before death will stay and be added to any curses rolled]

As my eyes adjust to brightness and still hurts a bit, I am able to read it more clearly but not as well as I did in childhood and understood I did die and not just unconscious.

"Can I see what curses I have currently before my death?" Trying to hold in the swirl of emotions I'm feeling and bottling them up because of the people that will miss me and seeing the screen means this is a second chance at life. I can grieve after I'm in a new place. "What is a chaos gacha? I've heard of leveling systems and know what a gacha is but what are you?"

[The Chaos Gacha is everything in the multiverse at the touch of your fingertips… long as you are willing to complete feats you will receive a ticket that represents that feat for those actions. There are 6 categories as followed: random as it does any of the other 5 categories and is completely random. The five other categories are Familiars, skills, abilities, items, and traits.]
[ Your current curses are as follows.]

[Excommunicated] |Severity 10| Clergy and Divine naturally take a dislike to you; all holy and divine effects are weakened when used by you, and you are vulnerable to exorcisms and effects that would otherwise hurt the unholy. |Resolve: Acquire a pardon from an individual with a very high rank in the clergy or from a divine entity.|



[Torment] |Severity 13| You have really low pain tolerance, even lower than that of the average person. Making it very hard to perform when injured, basically acting as the opposite of Battle Continuation acquire an ability or trait that increases your pain tolerance or nullifies it.|Resolve: Attain Adept Disciple or higher, or acquire an ability or trait that increases your pain tolerance or nullifies it.|



[Doting Parents] |Severity 2| Your parents are a bit too doting towards you, unlike the usual absent parents in stories. It will be quite hard to avoid their scrutiny or attention. |Resolve: None|



[Neat Freak] |Severity 3| You are bound by compulsion to be neat, making you very uncomfortable when you are dirty and slightly decreasing your energy recovery and output when you are dirty. |Resolve: Achieve Adept level Discipline or a trait that increases your mental resiliance.|



[Stone Faced] |Severity 4| You are stoic, to a fault; your face and voice rarely ever betray your emotions, making it quite difficult for others to understand how you are feeling. On the upside, you have one hell of a poker face. |Resolve: Acquire Adept rarity or higher communication skill or intermediate and above Charisma|



[Four Eyes] |Severity 4| You have naturally bad eyesight, causing you to need glasses to be able to see properly. Thankfully, the curse comes with a single pair of prescription glasses. |Resolve: Get your eyes fixed by either someone with at least Adept level Medicine or a Biokinetic ability, or heal your condition through magical means.|



[Loner] |Severity 2| You have the aura of a loner around you, making you often left out. It is more difficult to get people to pay attention to you, and it is harder parents probably forgot you at the store too often. |Resolve: Perform a feat that gets a large range of attention on you, such as publicly defeating a well-known enemy.|



[Out of Shape] |Severity 9| You are quite out of shape, aren't you? Your physical abilities and athletics are notably below average for your race or genetics. 9/10, you would lose to an average member of your species, and your body is totally untrained. |Resolve: Simply train your body into shape.|



[Disarmed] |Severity 10| You are missing an arm; whether that is left or right is a coin flip. In its place is simply a stub extending slightly past your shoulder. |Resolve: Regrow your arm(requires >Elite level healing due to curse) or implant a new one.|(Left arm)
​

"Wait, how did I get that one?" [Car accident.] "Oh okay, continue on then."

[So with those in mind those give you 3 random gold tickets, 2 advantage gold tickets, and 4 choice gold tickets do you want to roll for more curses?]
​

"Screw it, give me 8." Not like my life can get any worse than that.

Spoiler: Curse roles 1

[Rolling……]

[Menacing] |Severity 7| Whether you intend to or not, you generally come across as a very intimidating and scary individual, like a thug or a criminal. Most regular people would rather not be close to you, and trained people may be on guard against you at first meeting. |Resolve: Acquire Adept level communication or above OR acquire a trait that contradicts your curse|



[Slow Slots] |Severity 12| Your ability cooldowns have gone from a 5- minute cooldown to a 1-hour cooldown. Once you swap an ability slot, you must wait at least 1 hour to change that ability slot again. |Resolve: Acquire at least 5 speed boosting abilities, items, or traits.|



[Experience Required] |Severity 13| Even skills apparently need prior experience these days. Any skill you get is instead converted into talents in said subject and requires you to train to achieve the full potential of your talent. |Resolve: No resolve, one and done deal|



[Yandere] |Severity 8| There is a yandere out there yearning for your love, and she won't take no for an answer, and she will not be very willing to listen to reason. |Resolve: Find the Yandere and either dispatch or pacify them. This will not get rid of their romantic feelings towards you, but will stop the gacha from supplying them with a Yandere Rage towards you.|



[Komi] |Severity 6| You are somewhat mute, making it very hard to speak to others; you can groan, scream and cry, but trying to talk to others is incredibly difficult. You'd be lucky to be able to say a word or two on a good day. You are likely to get misinterpreted or misunderstood. |Resolve: Acquire Adept Rank Communication skill or intermediate and above charisma or 2 uncommon rank and above reputation boosting traits.|



[Perverted Aura] |Severity 9| You have an aura of perversion and deviancy around you, making people generally assume your intentions to be such. Even if you are a kindhearted celibate saint, people might assume you have lewd ulterior motives for your actions. |Resolve: Achieve Adept or above level Communication or Persuasion. Or abstain from carnal activities for a month. Or achieve 5 rare rank or higher tickets through sexual interactions.|



[Obvious Tells] |Severity 5| Your eyes and hair change colours depending on your emotions, making it practically impossible to hide them. Happy = Yellow, Angry = Red, Aroused = Pink, etc. |Resolve: Remodel your hair and eyes with an Epic rank or above Biokinetic ability, or acquire 3 or more Stranger traits or abilities|



[Celebrity] |Severity 1| You are great at drawing attention, whether you like it or not. People tend to notice you, and if crowd, they would pick you more likely than not. Can be useful for gathering fame, but the downsides edge out the positives. |Resolve: Get 3 stranger class powers or traits.|
​

[ You now have 4 random gold tickets, 5 advantage gold tickets, and 8 choice gold tickets. Would you like to roll more?]

Tries to speak but can't, his hazel eyes turn to a dark blue around the edges same with sun bleached brown hair now having dark blue highlights throughout it and nods but checks if he can talk in his head. 'Can I talk mentally?' [yes you can] 'Thank goodness screw it, all of these curses aren't bad I mean so far at least I get love in next life and not like my face was doing me any better with how my eyebrows make me look angry 24/7 and have an easy way to communicate with the tells curse roll 10.'

Spoiler: Curse roll 2

[Rolling….Roling….]

[Dead Tongue] |Severity 2| You do not have a sense of taste; all food taste like bland mush like dirt to your taste buds. |Resolve: Eat 10 meals from someone with Expert Cooking or above. Or consume 3 or more common rank or higher food items.|



[Infertile] |Severity 1| Whatever reproductive organs you have, they refuse to harbour life or help in the formation of life. You cannot impregnate anyone or be impregnated, no matter what. |Resolve: Acquire a fertility boosting trait or an appropriate biokinetic ability|



[Edgy] |Severity 5| You have an aura of brooding and darkness around you, while it may draw the Chuuni crowd towards you, you will tend to portray yourself in |Resolve: Achieve Intermediate or above in communication skill or get a trait that sufficiently conflicts with edgy like Sunshine Charm or Hero.|



[Weak to Weakness] |Severity 11| You are weak to having weaknesses. Any weaknesses or vulnerabilities you have are are now 100% weak to fire. If you are a vampire who gets burnt by sunlight, now whatever part that is exposed gets vaporised. |Resolve: Acquire 3 or more traits that raise some kind of resistance|



[Frail] |Severity 17| You are frail, you do not heal on your own; if a cut gets put on you, it won't mend on its own. No matter how much time passes, if you get sick, your body won't purge it on its own. If you get bruised it will stay, broken bones will stay broken. |Resolve: Acquire 3 rare rank or above Healing abilities or traits|



[Sloth] |Severity 17| Lethargy is your life. All energy and regular regeneration speeds are halved. All Restock Timers and Cooldowns are doubled. You need twice the amount of sleep you would normally need. |Resolve: Gain 3 rare rank or higher energy or agility booting traits.|



[Uh-Oh] |Severity 14| This can only end so well. (Author rolls another but the user is not aware which curse effect is applied) |Resolve: N/A|



[Elemental Hatred] |Severity 15| You did something to piss off the elementals in your past life. All Elemental attacks deal double damage against you, and you cannot increase your elemental defences while this trait is active. |Resolve: Acquire at least 3 traits rare or above that increase an elemental affinity, or acquire Expert or above conceptualisation |



[Uh Oh] |Severity 9| This is not good.|Resolve: None, a one-and-done deal.|
​

[ You now have 6 random gold tickets, 7 advantage gold tickets, 8 choice gold tickets, and 4 random platinum tickets. Would you like to roll more?]

'No I wouldn't, this is gonna absolutely gonna suck especially with weak to weaknesses and excommunication. I have no idea if elemental hatred stacks on top of that.' As his hair and eyes around the dark blue in them with a hint of fear the blue now having a tint of purple at the edge of it showing how screwed he feels but can't blame anyone except himself for his actions.
'Can we just roll the tickets and get this over with and start with the gold tickets?'

[Rolling 6 Gold ticket……]

[Sage's Ring] |Rare Item| Dark Souls - A ring given to Farron's Undead Legion by one of the preacher twins, known more commonly as the Crystal Sages. It makes it easier to learn and cast spells while wearing the ring, reducing the energy costs of spells.



[Ogre Form] |Rare Ability| You can turn into an Ogre, A hulking humanoid with rippling muscles, or an Ogre hybrid at will. As an Ogre, you have increased physical stats and regeneration as well as any other characteristics the average Ogre would possess.



[The Rock] |Common Item| King Arthur pulled a sword out of this bad boy. And you got the rock in exchange. This rock is magically enchanted to be utterly indestructible to all effects below Mythical level.



[Half Light] |Uncommon Trait| Disco Elysium - You are unnaturally attuned to your baser instincts, fight, flight and fuck to the point where you can almost hear your instincts speaking to your ear. Honing this sense can help you in combat, gauge the strength of others, know when to run, etc. but on the other side, if you cannot learn to control this side of yourself you can just as easily become a paranoid savage.



[Rubber Body] |Rare Ability| Your body can stretch and compress like it is made of rubber, the higher your physical stats the more it can stretch and compress.



[Royal Heart Ticket] |Elite Item| Apparently, they sell even affection nowadays. Just think of the person you want to affect and rip the ticket, making them like you considerably more. Is it mind control? Nope, retroactive reality and probability bending. No unwanted side effects.
​

'Well those aren't bad and the rubber body and the rock would make for a great weapon and I could maybe use the ticket to get the yandere curse off? And the orc ability I'm at least got started on removing the frail curse roll the advantages please.'

[Rolling 7 advantage gold tickets…]

[Truants Stopwatch] |Elite Item| A silver stopwatch that, when started, speeds up the perception of the person who started it. The longer the stopwatch stays active, the more the energy it drains from the user exponentially increases.

Or

[Rabbit Form] |Uncommon Ability| Allows you to partially or fully transform into a rabbit or a rabbit hybrid. Giving you enhanced physical abilities, mostly centered around the jumping and kicking power of the legs as well as a substantial boost to your libido.



[Pixie Power] |Uncommon Ability| Allows you to transform into a pixie, a small lesser fairy, at will. As a pixie, you gain increased energy/mana reserves and agility as well as flight in exchange for your reduced endurance and strength.

Or

[Ridley] |Epic Familiar| Metroid - One of the most fearsome pirates in the known universe, Ridley is equal parts cunning and powerful despite portraying himself otherwise. He has incredible physical might that allows him to tear apart metal with ease and a flamebreath that can melt open spaceship hulls. Not only that, he is deceptively fast, being able to outpace most planes in an atmosphere and being able to go fast enough to achieve interstellar travel outside the atmosphere by his lonesome.



[Sword of St Trina] |Rare Item| Elden Ring - A sword carried by the clerics of St. Trina, while the blade itself is not too powerful, it has the ability to convert the user's energy into magical purple mist that puts those who inhale it into deep sleep. The stronger the target, the longer they have to be exposed to the mist.

Or

[Mute] |Rare Ability| Allows you to inflict a curse on your opponents, once applied it blocks off their ability to speak. You can place a curse on someone through touch or throwing a hex, a moderately fast projectile that looks like a rune, duration depends on the target's magic resistance and can be applied permanently on targets who cannot resist.



[Tundra Key] |Rare Item| large space, creates a portal leading into a pocket dimension that is 5 km x 5 km x 5 km in size that contains a frozen tundra inside. It is perpetually cold and often has snowstorms and blizzards, though it does contain some earth life inside, and the northern lights can be observed. The gate that leads outside the dimension is always open and leads to where the entrance was last opened.

Or

[Lightsaber] |Rare Item| Star Wars - A classic textbook lightsaber made from a Kyber Crystal that projects a blade of energy, no, you do not need force powers to use this one.



[Carnal Engine] |Uncommon Trait| carnal activity, while performing sexual actions your stamina recovery, endurance, and resilience are massively boosted, you can go on for literal days without rest.

Or

[Psyker(Telephathy)] |Epic Trait| Warhammer 40k - You are a Psyker, a being who draws power from the Immaterium, only you don't, you emulate their powers through the infinite Chaos instead. As a Psyker specialising in Telepathy, you are able to train yourself in the ways of binding the wills and minds of those around you.



[Light Step] You can step and walk on anything, water, air, space, you can even treat nothing as a solid surface to walk on.

Or

[Blessing of Zeus] |Rare Trait| You are a child blessed by Zeus; there is nothing you can't fuck. What did you expect? You gain increased charisma, fertility and talent in the carnal arts. Changer abilities are easier to use and cost less energy to use and maintain. ...Oh, and your lightning-based abilities are stronger too.



[Adept Kama Sutra]

|Rare Skill|

You are very talented in the carnal art, being able to spot signs of arousal and attraction, in addition, you instinctively know how to pleasure your partner in bed and be a very pleasant recipient, enhancing pleasure for both of you.

Or

[Lucifer the Ceo of Hell]

|Elite Familiar|

Helltaker - Lucifer is one hell of a Ceo. As actual Lucifer herself, she is a powerful demon, possessing strength strong enough to rip steel in half like paper and being able to enslave people with a kiss, melting away their flesh and turning them into bone demons, possessing the abilities of a Fiend(Elite Trait) and being capable of using basic demonic magic. Having ruled hell for thousands of years and being a CEO, she is an incredible manager beyond human standards. She can manage hundreds of businesses and still be minimally inconvenienced compared to running Hell itself.
​

'I guess a truant stopwatch cause that can get me out of a sticky situation, Ridley, sword of St.Trina, a lightsaber cause that's always been a dream of mine, pysker, blessing of zeus, and Lucifer?' Not having heard of helltaker and warhammer and seems to be good that it's not dependent on a substance and broke a curse. 'Roll all the choices in traits please.' Him hoping to get rid of frail, komi, and torment.

[Rolling 8 gold trait tickets…..]

[Vessel] |Elite Trait| Your body and soul are incredible vessels, perfectly suited for sealing things inside and containing them. Whatever is sealed inside you or is absorbed into you will find it far harder to rebel and break out. In addition, you can fit much more into your vessel.



[Darkwraith] Dark Souls - You are a Darkwraith, one who seeks to wield the powers of darkness and end light. As Darkwraith, your physical abilities are slightly enhanced when in darkness. In addition, all Dark-based abilities and spells are more potent and inflict additional damage when used against Light-aligned beings.



[Adamantium Bonding] |Elite Trait| Marvel - Your Skeleton is bonded with Adamantium, making it borderline unbreakable but also severely poisons you. Unless you have countermeasures lined up you should wait before you activate this trait.



[White Mage] |Rare Trait| Nobody fucks with the white mage. All of your recovery class abilities are more potent and cost less energy to use, and people are more grateful for you healing them because they better be.



[All Trades] |Rare Trait| Didn't even have the dignity to put "Ace of" there. You have a Basic level of mastery over all mundane skills, you know how to cook well enough to not burn eggs, know enough about mechanics to change a lightbulb, know enough how to dance to not tangle your feet, know how to hold a sword to not cut yourself. You are also mildly talented in all fields.

[No Enemies] |Elite Trait| "You really don't" Everyone you meet has a good impression of you, even evil dictators, violent murderers or mindless beasts have a decent liking of you as soon as they get to know about you. Only works on named characters.



[Comforting Presence] |Rare Trait| Your presence is a very comforting one; those who encounter you might feel like they just came home. This also makes you feel very trustworthy. People are more likely to confide in you and feel less threatened by you. Comforting people in distress also comes naturally to you. Does not work on people with a strong negative opinion of you.



[Blessing of Bast] |Uncommon Trait| You are blessed by the goddess Bast, the goddess of Cats and Grace. You have improved cat-like reflexes and agility as well as night vision. In addition, you are beloved by felines.
​

Well at least I am 1 for 1 for healing and agility and still didn't break curses. 'Roll the platinum please.'

[Rolling 4 random platinum tickets….]



[Tentacles] |Rare Ability| Allows you to manifest biological tentacles on your body that you can control like extra limbs to smash, grab, whip, molest and operate with.



[Round Deer] |Elite Familiar| Jujutsu Kaisen - A towering deer shikigami that constantly emits a healing aura of positive energy that heals living beings in range while hurting unholy beings.. The Round Deer can also focus its aura to heal a specific target faster or avoid healing certain targets. This aura can even recover limbs, but the stronger a target is in relation to Round Deer, the slower the energy will affect them. The power of shikigami scales with your own energy levels.



[Thousand Arrows] |Elite Ability| Pokemon - Allows you to create and launch spears or arrows made of the ground around you, either as artillery, traps, or just plain projectile bombardment.

[Immunity System] |Rare Ability| While Immutable is an active ability slot, you are immune to poisons, diseases and negative biological effects.

[You have unlocked a second ability slot by gaining 5 abilities. What would you like to slot in?]
​

'Slot in rubber body and thousand arrows please.' Thank goodness I'll be able to get my arm back even if it takes a bit with sloth curse. Should heal in weeks if I'm lucky and a month or two if not.
[Rubber Body and Thousand Arrows are equipped 1 hour cooldown started]

[Now rolling for world……]

'Wait what?'

[World chosen enjoy your chaotic Wonderful World]

[Deploying in 3…..]

'What world am I going to at least tell me'

[2…..]
​

'Can you at least give me a hint or drop me somewhere safe?!'
His hair highlights and parts of his eyes start to turn completely purple from fear.

[1… welcome to konosuba]
​

His whole vision gets blind completely and wind blows through his hair taking it completely out of its bun as it whips wildly and sees this world from above. As he is falling and sees a city far away from his vision as he plummets to the ground.

Spoiler: Axel from the sky

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
[AN: this is my first time writing and hope to get some feedback. I kinda just decided to just write this yesterday and wanted to see how this goes and I hope if this is good enough to continue just to occupy my time thanks for reading.]
[AN2: Had to edit this a bit cause some of the descriptions didn't go to my phone to laptop when it got split on my phone in notes. So had to either type it in or paste it in]