Blood and Chaos: The Story of a [BTVS] SI Turned Vampire OC

[Aetheron]

*** Xander POV ***

---

---Sunnydale Cemeteries---

Well this sucks. I struggle to get loose, but the vampire has me in a pretty good headlock and I can't seem to-

"Excuse me! …Hi… Sorry to interrupt." Jack? Oh no, please interrupt. Interruptions would be of the good right… She let go! I back away and look up to see everyone's stopped fighting and turned to stare at Jack.

Jack… is staring at me with a look of disappointment? No, not at me, at the vampire that had me in a headlock. Huh, that's- Where did he get that sword to cut her head off with?

Suddenly we're figh- … oh, are we not fighting again? Oz dusted that vamp nearest us and the only remaining vamp is currently trying to both fend Jack off with a knife and run away. I think I'm okay with that.

Is Jack laughing? He kinda sounds like the cartoon version of the Joker almost… "Okay, is it just me or does anyone else find that laugh incredibly disturbing?"

Wills nods franticly in agreement while staring wide eyed at our… uh… newest possible member of team slay?

Oz looks thoughtful, "It's more of a cackle really." Oh yeah… It is isn't it.

We've all just agreed that it's a cackle rather than a laugh when Jack dusts the remaining vamp while mumbling something derisively about knives and spins around to face us. He gestures at me with the sword, which would be alarming, if I hadn't seen him do that a lot with whatever was at hand all the time back when Wills thought Amy might need saving. My favorite was when used the box of Twinkies to bullet point while he described… uh... actually I can't remember what we were talking about. I got to eat the Twinkies though, that was the important part. I kinda miss the cookies that friend of Jack's grandmother made for us too.

"Fuck you Charlie Brown. No comments from the Peanuts Gallery." Oh haha very punny.

Is that Buffy!? It is Buffy! ... Buffy, no!

…

Oh phew, Jack's okay. Buffy must not have actually staked-

Hey! Not cool Jack! Punching the Buffster is definitely of the bad. Also usually ends badly for the… Is that a stake in his back?

"Gods, Buffy! Rude much!?" Jack knows Buffy? "You can't just walk up to people and shove things into them. You have to at least buy me dinner first!" Also he seems oddly okay for a guy who has a stake sticking out of his back.

Now he's glaring at us? Hey what did we do!? Why are you glaring at us now Mr. I can make swords appear out of nowhere? "You know what!? Fuck you all very much! Christ on a cracker, see if I ever try to help you buggerfucking hunters again!" Okay. Maybe he's not so cool with the accidental stake-age... not sure I can really blame him for that.

Jack stalks off, still ranting, "If it's not wolf boy trying to sniff me, or Willow angling for a one-more-some, it's Stabberific Barbie and her amazing pegging fetish! Well at least Willow must be happy, she finally found the final member for that foursome she's always wanted!" Okay. Rude. But he did just get staked in the back... and then walked away from it perfectly fine?

"Don't worry about Jerk, Buffy, he's always saying angry things like that." Uhh, Wills? "I'm sure he'll get over you almost staking him soon enough." Oh. She didn't see..?

I lean over and whisper, "Uhh… Wills… I don't think she almost staked him. There was a stake in his back."

"Mr. Pointy!" And Buffy's off at a run, chasing after Jack.

Willow looks over at me wide eyed. "But… He seemed fine. Angry maybe? But totally fine! He even made one of those jokes he loves to make about… uh… what's pegging?"

I look at Oz and a nonverbal agreement is reached. If Jack's the one mentioning something about... probably about sex... we want no part in it. At all.

"So! Oz. Tracking of the Jack and Buffy show? That would be of the good, right?"

"Right." We head off to follow them. Hooray Buffy's back!

---Giles' Flat---

I conclude my recounting of tonights exciting events for Giles benefit, "and that's where we lost him G-man. Oz could smell his trail in the alley Buffy saw him disappear into, but it ended at a wall."

"Extraordinary. You said this boy is some manner of half-demon? … Though I suppose the most mundane answer is that he climbed up one of the walls."

"Oh! That… would make more sense than a teleporting demon walking halfway across town." Willow agrees unhappily, she seemed to like that theory for some reason. Not that I blame her I suppose, knowing a guy like Nightcrawler could be cool.

Buffy, and even more especially Giles, seem to appreciate the distraction that Jack's lack of reaction to stake-age offers. I can get that. Even after he took so long to go get his tea, Giles still gets that look on his face when he sees Buffy is back! and alive! That look I probably have when I look over at her. It's good to have everyone back together again.

Talking about her summer meant reminding everyone she was gone. Of course we all leapt at the opportunity to discuss something else.

But why are Wills and Buffy so upset about him? He saved us from those vampires right? I think he did? I mean sure he's all with the inappropriateness and the bad jokes, but I wouldn't go so far as to call him the anti-Xander.

"Guys? Are you sure we aren't worrying about this a bit much? It's not like he's a vampire. And it's summer. Nothing of the evil world ending variety happens in summer. This one is even quieter than usual… well except for running into three vamps all at once tonight."

"He's a Demon! and! and! okay. Maybe he's not evil, but... but I still don't like being called a Hooker."

"He called you a hooker!?" Did we not tell you about that? Oh jeez...

"Okay, so here's how we first met Jack…" I begin my second distracting tale of the night.

---Summers Residence---

When we arrive to start patrol I hear muffled yelling inside Buffy's house.

Knocking, Buffy answers the door looking annoyed. "Mom! Xander's here, we're going slaying … I love you too mom! I'll be home in a few hours." Buffy closes the door as Mrs. Summers repeats her goodbyes. Weird.

"Hey, Buffs, what's wrong?"

"Apparently my mom knows Jack. As in she invited him and Amy over for dinner tonight. He was flirting with my mother. He must be evil. Did she learn nothing from Ted? And now mom's mad at me because somehow I made it awkward."

"Buffy… your mother is a… lovely… woman." Okay. Glaring Buffy. Shutting up now.

"Where's Cordelia anyway? I thought you said she'd be joining us tonight."

"Apparently Harmony wanted to catch up on gossip."

"…The same Harmony that called her a traitor for dating someone as 'lame' as you?"

"The one and only. Cordelia thinks she's up to something and wants to know what, so… keep your friends close and your uhhh… mutinous former head minions closer?" I hold open the door to the van for Buffy.

"Okay… that makes sense in a Cordelia sort of way. Willow! Did you know Jack knew my Mother?"

"He does!?"

"Apparently he's a very important client of the gallery. I bet he's the one that gave my Mom that stupid mask. I mean really, who makes a mask that says 'I want this room to suffer'? Oh. And! He gave me back Mr. Pointy tonight." She doesn't sound happy about that... Shouldn't she sound happy about that?

"Isn't that a good thing?" Apparently Wills agrees with me.

"He packed it in a box full of…"

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that?" Buffy doesn't usually mumble like that.

"They're the drugs they made me take when mom... had me... institutionalized."

"… Okay that's definitely of the bad." Also, you were institutionalized? Dick move, Jack.

"Ouch." Ouch is right, Oz. Ouch is right.

"Oh... it gets worse!" It gets worse than that?

---Sunnydale High - Hallways---

"Guys, look. There's Amy right there. She's friends with Jack, why don't we just go ask her to talk to Jack about his inappropriate medication jokes?"

"Oh! Good idea, Xander… oh no… her arm is in a sling like you thought Buffy."

"Guys, that doesn't mean Jack broke her arm. Let's just be calm okay? I mean she's friend's with him, she probably won't react well to-"

Amy turns around and sees us all approaching her. "Can I help you people?" She looks… resigned? Okay maybe we shouldn't have all come to ask her. "Is there something on my face?"

"What is Jack?" Wills, I know you're just over excited about the idea of research, but I don't think she gets- Damn it, we were supposed to ask about how he knew about Buffy's time in the psych ward not start a fight over his parentage. Okay. We can fix-

"Hi, Amy!" See! There's the warm friendly tone I was going- Wait, is that Harmony? "Willow? Seriously? That shirt? With your hair?" Okay, that is just uncalled for.

Damn it, Harmony! I was trying to have a… where'd Amy go?

---Sunnydale High - Classroom---

I sit down next to Amy in English Class. She looks over at me, "Oh… now what..?"

"Hey. Sorry about earlier. Buffy thought that Jack had maybe broken your arm. So we were all worried about you, and we probably shouldn't have crowded around you all at once. And then Willow tends to get really excited about research and we were talking about what kind of half demon he might be and… yeah… just, sorry."

"Are you people serious? You thought he broke my arm? Why would you think that? What has Jack ever done to you people?"

"To me? Nothing. I get that. I think Buffy is still upset about the meds though."

"What meds?"

"He gave Mr. Pointy back to Buffy in a box full of… some… medication… she used to need to take." Amy's oddly alarmed look dissolves into giggles. "It's not funny! She really doesn't like reminders of… that… time of her life"

"I- I'm sorry… but I watched Jack fill the box. He chose that particular medication via Eeny Meeny Minee Moe at the pharmacy. He just wanted to tell her she needs to relax, the next guy she stabs at random might not be able to just shrug it off."

"… oh. Talk about bad luck. I'll let Buffy know-"

"Please don't. It won't matter. I'm sure once Jack finds out he'll swear til he's blue in the face that he meant to do it all along. He's like that, he likes to pretend he's all knowing and stuff even when he really shouldn't."

"So letting Buffy know won't help because he'd just say I was wrong anyway. Damn. You know they're probably going to hate each other by the end of… well yesterday really."

"I wouldn't worry about it. I think Jack finds this whole situation hilarious. You do realize he wasn't even mad when he got home that night Buffy stabbed him in the back? He just whined at me until I took it out like he was a two year old with a splinter."

"Wow… you don't happen to know… you know?"

"…I've never felt the need to ask him what he is." Amy's expression clearly indicates she thinks I shouldn't feel that need either, but I know Buffy won't let it go. "Class is starting. We should probably at least pretend to pay attention." Right. Class. With the learn-age and stuff.

---Sunnydale High - Hallways---

My walk down the hallway between classes is interrupted by a call of, "Hey! You!" Oh crap. Larry- "New Guy!"...isn't talking to me..? I should probably go distract him from whichever victim he's chos-

"Oh, please be talking to me!" ... Jack will probably be fine. No need to get involved... maybe stay and watch though?

...uh... Did he just crush Larry's hand? I'm not sure how to feel about that... I mean on the one hand Larry is always- Okay, no Larry is shaking it out. Not actually broken.

...

Wow. Principal Snyder looks really mad. I think I'm going to go to class now. I'll ask Jack about in History tomorrow. Yeah

---Sunnydale High - Library---

…must stay awake. I yawn. Being up late fighting zombies and then waking up early before school the next day to stare at books full of demon lore… takes a lot out of you. Why do we care so much about Jack's parentage again? He kills vampires. Isn't that a good thing?

The library doors swing open and Jack steps in with Amy. Awesome. No more books. We can just ask him. I look over at Buff and Wills. Okay, Oz or I can ask him.

Jack waves over at our table, "Excuse me, Mr. Giles? Can I talk to you?" Huh, he sounds nervous. I wave back at him encouragingly before noticing Buffy and Willow glaring at me. Fine. It's not like they'd believe he didn't know what he was doing anyway.

"Uh. Yes. Quite. I am here for all of the students of Sunnydale High after all." Giles heads over to his desk and has a hushed conversation with Jack. Both of them look uncomfortable with whatever they're talking about. It's actually really weird seeing Jack like that, he's usually just so overwhelmingly happy. Even while fighting those vampires he looked happy.

I can't quite make out what they're saying but Buffy and Oz seem to be following along, they look at each other. "He doesn't know?" Doesn't know wha- oh. No wonder why he gets so weird about it.

Giles speaks up, "Yes, we were actually engaged in just that endeavor now. If you'd be willing to answer some questions it could be of considerable help."

Jack looks… resigned? "What would you like to know?" He sags into the chairs across from us and rests his head on the table. "I've been looking through what books I could find since I realized I was… different. Nothing quite seems to fit."

Amy pulls a chair over and sits next to Jack, patting him on the back with her good arm.

Giles, polishing his glasses, sits back down in his seat and looks thoughtful. "I suppose we ought to start with the basics. Did your mother ever talk about him? Any kind of description at all."

"Oh, uh… I've never actually… spoken… to my mother. She kind of… she… uh… she left shortly after I was born. Um, but I've talked to people who met her! Of course they all thought she was crazy. Granted… she was talking about aliens and stars and stuff a lot apparently… So maybe they had a point? Err... There aren't aliens too right? Just demons? Should I have gone to Roswell instead of Sunnydale?" Oh boy! I just love an awkward conversation before first period. When's that bell gonna ring?

Wills looks horrified, and even the Buffster seems... differently upset? Is that a thing? Umm... what do you even say to that? Wait... are there aliens? That'd be so cool!

"Not as such, no. Although there was some debate recently on whether other dimensions were possibly other planets, so the distinction may be rather impossible to prove until we find a way to visit the stars." Thank god for Giles and his Britishy ability to press forward in the face of awkward. Stiff upper lip. Pip Pip Cheerios! Why are they such fans of that cereal? "Hmmm... have you perhaps noticed any unusually colored skin? Odd hornlike growths? Anything of that sort?"

"... I haven't noticed any skin tones as done by Crayola, or any horns... anywhere..." Jack pauses, looking slightly confused, before he turns from Giles to address Buffy and Willow finally returning to his usual grinning self. "And I haven't got a forked tongue or pointy tail either see?" He sticks his tongue out at them. "But I do seem to heal really well, which is apparently super useful in this town full of violent... monsters."

...And there's that bell. Gotta get going to class.

"So, same time next week?" Next week?

"Why not this afternoon or tomorrow?" Yeah, that.

"Can't. I have a shift at the hospital tonight and homework and stuff. But I can probably continue to do Wednesday mornings." Jack strolls out library chatting with Amy about an upcoming Math test. Wow. So glad I'm not in AP Calc. Tests on the first week?

"...They let that guy work in a hospital!?" Oh come on Buff, he's not that bad.

---The Bronze---

"So it was about a hundred and eighteen degrees, I'm sleepin' without a stitch on, suddenly I hear all this screamin'. I go tearin' outside -- stark nude -- this church bus has broke down and three vamps are feasting on half the Baptists in South Boston. So I waste the vamps and the preacher is hugging me like there's no tomorrow when the cops pull up. They arrested us both."

"They should film that story and show it every Christmas." Such a lovely image. Naked Faith, standing there all... Naked.

Faith, talking around a muffin, "God, I could eat a horse!" She turns to Buffy. "Isn't it crazy? Slayin' always makes you just hungry and horny." Really now? This I gotta hear.

"Well... sometimes I crave a non-fat yogurt afterwards..." Okay. Buffster looks super uncomfortable maybe I should-

"I get it." Really Cordelia? Do tell! "Not the horny thing, yuck!" Damn, crush my dreams why don't you. "The two slayer thing: there was only one, but then Buffy died for like two minutes so Kendra was called, then Kendra died so Faith was called." Oh... yeah... that makes sense. Hey is that Jack? He's looking incredibly happy. Maybe he and Buffy can get along this time?

"But why were you called here?" Huh, that's a good question, Wills. I wonder-

Jack plops himself down next to Faith, "Hiya Faithy! I gotcha a present!" Okay, wow, Jack really does seem to know everybody. Buff's Mom, Giles, now Faith. Actually, now I know why Faith's accent sounds so familiar, it sounds like Jack's dialed up to 11. And he got her a present? Errr... Faith is looking kinda freaked right now. That's odd, presents are a good thing right? And she seemed so cool and collected all night, even while slaying that vamp.

Actually... Oz looks pretty wigginsed too... Is he sniffing the box? What the hell? Something's definitely wrong.

Willow peeks in the box when Oz opens it. Kind of rude to open Faith's present... "Is that... a... human heart?" Oh. Shit. What the fuck dude!?

Faith seems to agree with me, "Dude! What the fuck!?" This is not okay!

Jack just nods happily, which is even more not okay. Human hearts are not ahappy occasion Jack! "Yup. I cut it out of this bastard named Kakistos. And that platter is real silver too." What the hell is a Kakistos? Why did Jack sound so angry when he said it? Faith is staring at Jack wide-eyed. It looks like she recognized that Kakistos thing. Sounds like some kind of demon? Or maybe a Mexican food?

I go to ask, but get drowned out by Wills and Buff's, "What the hell is wrong with you!?" I think Oz said something in there too?

Jack's head whips around to glare at us. I'm not sure I've ever seen him actually look angry like that before, it's kinda terrifying. "You try finding out that you have a sister you never knew about." Faith's his sister!? That actually explains a lot. "And at the same time finding out that she's been chased across the country by a vampire older than fucking dirt who wants to try and rape her to death! I think my response was ENTIRELY appropriate!"

Oh. That's a vampire's heart? I guess that's...no, not okay... but less of the bad? Still super creepy. Though... I suppose I'd react badly to some vamp trying to do that to one of my girls.

Faith suddenly has Jack by the sides of his head. Forcing his head back around they stare at each other. "He's dead. You're sure!?" She sounds really freaked. Her eyes are open wide, unblinking, as they start roving around Jack's face like she's looking for something.

Jack looks a bit nervous with Faith's hands on his head like that. Then again, Buff's pretty strong, if Faith squeezes by accident... "Uh. I thought... you might wanna handle that honor personally... see it with your own eyes kinda thing? I... uh... left him trussed up in the basement for you." It sounds like Faith's starting to hyperventilate a bit.

"What if he escapes!?" she's definitely hyperventilating. She's eyeing the exits.

"How? With no arms or legs that'd be ... pretty fucking impressive." Jack sounds confused then thoughtful. Why is Faith scared of a limbless... oh. That look on Jack's face when he talked about this Kakistos guy... I get the feeling his heart isn't all that Jack removed. Suddenly Jack seems a lot less of the harmless.

Faith's breathing steadies. "Show me." She growls out. Jack is yanked out of his seat and being dragged towards the basement door.

"Uh... Faith. Not this place's basement, the one back at the house. That way, we can drive there." Jack points towards the parking lot.

Faith stops and does the wide eyed searching stare again. She points to Buffy, "Okay, but they're coming." We are? Apparently we are! Buffy and Willow are already on their feet nodding.

I can't imagine Jack wanting Buffy in his house given how much they've been fighting lately, but he doesn't even pause to blink. "Whatever it takes to make you feel safe, Faithy. Just name it." And there's that warm smile he usually wears. A smile that I can't quite seem to reconcile right now with a boxed heart sitting on the table.

 

[Aetheron]

*** POV: Eris (Emilia) ***

---

— Angel's Abandoned Mansion, Sunnydale : Late August —

Twisting my head around to look at the idiot that jumped on my back, I take a moment to confirm that yes, this is indeed really happening.

"Are you… trying to bite me?"

The vampire, who is most definitely not my minion, stops scraping his teeth ineffectually against my neck and pulls back far enough to look me in the eyes. "Ummm…"

Right then. Since it's clearly not using it, I grab it by the head and flick it across the room.

Or… I try to. The stupid thing comes apart half way and is already just a pile of ash and dust by the time it hits the wall.

Wiping my hand off on a wall and looking around the now empty mansion one more time, I amend my earlier thoughts.

How hard can it be to find a vampire in Sunnydale? Not hard.

Finding a specific vampire in Sunnydale… Ugh.

This is why we put up with Artemis.

I briefly think about asking her to help before remembering that she's… Artemis.

Let's not and say we didn't!

---Elsewhere : Elsewhen ---

"Eris."

This is my song. It's not that long.
Unlike this stuuupid meeeeting!
Now I am bored. Bored by the board.
Stuck in this awwwful seeeating!

"Eris."

Seriously. This entire meeting could have been handled by sending us all a message via Hermes. That is literally why he exists.

"Eris!"

"What!?"

…Why is everyone staring at me?

Oh. It's my turn? Fucking finally.

"No. I haven't found him either."

Unfortunately, my amusement at not even needing to choose my words carefully for that to register as true doesn't even last long enough for Boringus Maximus Rightmostus's droning voice to call out the next name.

In alphabetical order.

Blech. Gag me with a spork.

Oh, Me! We're not even halfway done yet.

This is my song. It's not that long…

— Bellevu Residence, Sunnydale : Early September—

The woman who answers the door just shakes her head no at me and then gestures at me to wait.

Fortunately for her, she comes back with a piece of paper with an address written on it before I finish deciding if I'm offended or not.

— Winters Residence, Sunnydale : Early September (While Jack and Amy are at the Bronze meeting Faith) —

Hmmm… nobody's home.

Letting myself in and having a look around, I don't find my minion but I do eventually find where Jack keeps his stash of blood in the kitchen.

I do so love it when things just so happen to work out. Now I don't even need to explain anything to my minion and risk Hecate calling it breaking the terms of our wager.

Pricking my finger and letting a single drop of my blood well up, I do the Working to strengthen its link to me while making it as one way as possible.

Adding the drop to one of the bags of blood, I congratulate myself on a job well done.

I'm getting ready to leave when I hear a strange sound coming from the basement. Is somebody yelling in ancient Greek?

They are!

Oh, wow. Oh I haven't heard a mortal speak in that accent in ages… Not since that whole kerfuffle at the end of the bronze age.

Practically skipping, I head down into the basement to investigate.

…oh.

Well…

Peering at the ancient vampire currently limbless and strapped down to a table, I guess that's technically not a mortal.

"ɪərɪs?"

I pause, blinking, as I realize he recognizes me. And is he..? He is!

He may not be a mortal anymore, but he is technically a petitioner observing all the correct forms…

Well, as much as one can while strapped to a table and missing all their limbs anyway.

Eh. Why not?

— Moments Later —

"...Ah."

I stare up at the ceiling where I can hear shouting, panicky mortals, and then a series of crashing sounds.

Maybe I shouldn't have done that.

I'm just going to… uh…

Oh, whatever. Mortal attention spans are short enough.

I'll just... come back later.

 

[ThedudeManBro]

... Aqua has more Goddess Responsibility Points™ than Eris right now.

How the fuck can you even DO that?

 

[Aetheron]

---Sunnydale Memorial Hospital---

I fiddle with the hospital Employee ID Badge affixed to my scrubs. I'm not really sure why they make psych people wear scrubs now that I think about it. Then again, I'm a high school student interning in a hospital and they're letting me talk to patients. Clearly this hospital has issues. Yay Sunnydale!

In fairness to the lunatics running the asylum, I'm sure they think they're studying me rather than employing me. But really, giving me my very own Arkham? I chuckle as I badge through the second of the airlock style pair of doors and head over to meet Dr. Walsh. Jim, not his psycho wife.

"So, who's on the docket today?"

"Well, I was thinking I might have you talk to Sandra while I observed. We couldn't really catch what you were doing on the tapes, you and Sandra apparently must have stood in some the blind spot between cameras." Aha! See? Studying me.

"Sounds great!" Time to practice my wiring skills while holding a natural looking conversation… That actually sounds like a fantastically useful talent to have.

I open the door to her room and step in slowly, "Good Morning, Sandra. How are we today?" Wait. Did he just say Sandra wasn't on the tapes either? I wonder if they keep the recordings going back that far?

---Winters Residence - Lab---

Ring Sciences - September 2nd - Additional Regenerative testing.

• As first indicated by earlier brain trauma studies, vampire bodily organs do not all seem to serve in their traditional human roles.
• Removing the stomach, or pieces required for blood to reach the same, does prevent digestion of blood despite not having any identifiable activity occurring there.
  • Removing the intestines causes no such issue. Perhaps the stomach merely serves as temporary storage while the blood is assimilated into the blood demon?
• Removing the Heart induces dusting. This is despite my memories of a heart removal ritual for temporary invulnerability... further research to follow.
• Excepting the heart, all organs removed during testing were successfully regenerated via use of the ring.

Hmmm... The heart thing seems to be a big deal mystically. Maybe those scalpels weren't standard steel? Amy did say silver was popular for magical purposes... I wonder...

Remove ring from subject.

Crack chest. Hmm, I'm getting better at this.

Wiggle past the lungs... Cut the Aorta... Cut... or is this one the Aorta? Oh who cares. Last one. Oh. Wow. Look at that, the chest cavity sealed up real fast. And the subject is awake. "Hello there. Want to see your heart? I've got it right here." No one ever seems to appreciate just how fantastic these discoveries are.

...

"Well I guess I'm stuck down here with you for 6 hours." Might as well put on some music and see if I can find a way to kill an invulnerable vampire. Staking you in the heart won't work obviously.

...

I glance down at the heart in my hand. No... would it?

It doesn't. Fire maybe?

---Sunnydale High - Hallways---

"Hey! You!" yells a familiar sounding voice behind me. I think that sounds like Larry. "New Guy!" Me? Pre-Xander-chat Larry wants to try and bully me?

I turn around and find a group of jocks, staring at me dumbly. That's it. They don't even look properly angry, more… amused maybe? Oh! I bet that means its my line now…

"Oh, please be talking to me!" I smile at them. Hmmm… they seem to think I've deviated from the script. How sad for them. Larry takes a step towards me and swings his fist at my shoulder.

I catch his fist in my hand and hold it. This is the bully that terrorizes the school currently? Really!? A town full of monsters and this is the best the school has to offer? Larry tries to pull his fist back. I squeeze down on it. "Ah-Ah. Mine now. You gave it to me."

Larry makes a hilarious face as he tries not to cry. I can feel his bones starting to bend in my grip. Hmmm… then again, doesn't Amy like this guy for some odd reason? I pause, holding Larry's fist at just under snapping pressure… I suppose I should make sure Amy isn't friends with you before I break anything important. This is an important week for us, I'd rather Amy not be distracted or pissy. "…oh fine! You can have it back." I let go, Larry's suddenly un-resisted struggles to escape causing him to go sprawling backwards into his team mates.

I'd make a speech about lessons learned, but I spot a troll heading towards us. "Hey there, Principal Snyder! It's good to finally meet you." Snyder's angry snarl halts just before it can escape. Apparently I'm off script again? "Aren't we supposed to talk in your office? You know… new student welcome speech or something?" Hmmm… my audience for the earlier show seems to find Snyder's confused angry troll routine as boring as I do, this place emptied out fast.

Anger wins out. "Now you see here! I will not have any more hooliganism in my school! I should have known you'd be a delinquent when I saw you talking with that Summers girl." I reach out to his mind and- Huh, I'll be damned. It feels kinda like that Brachen Demon's… Maybe he really is part troll? Ah well, plan B it is.

"Buffy Summers? A delinquent? Thank gods! I thought I was the only one in this town that noticed! Do you know that the day we met she assaulted me!?" Or is stabbing technically skipping directly to battery? Hmmm... probably not important. "And Joyce is such a lovely woman to work with too. I guess it just goes to show that sometimes they just fall in with a bad crowd. Sad really. Say... Have you considered..."

Dragging Principal Snyder along with me to my next class making idle chit chat about Buffy's various transgressions I almost manage to feel bad about it when I have to burst his bubble and tell him that the assault happened off school grounds. He looked like I had just stolen all his bars of gold-pressed latinum. Ah well. Omelets.

My classmates expressions seem to express concern for my sanity when I wave good bye to Snyder cheerfully before stepping into the woodworking shop. How strange…

---Sunnydale High - Parking Lot---

I spot Buffy storming out of the school and heading towards me as I make my way through the parking lot towards my truck.

"YOU!" Haven't we played this game already Buffy? Not that I mind.

"ME!" But usually I know what I've done to upset you. Right now, I've got nothing.

"Principal Snyder is making me see the school psychologist for a month. Apparently, somebody expressed concern about my mental stability. I wonderwho that could have been."

"Oh! I know this one! That was me!"

"Tell me- Wait, you admit it!?"

"Well, you did try to murder me. Makes a touch of a first impression that."

"I thought you were a vampire!"

So what if I am? "And that justifies stabbing me!? Really, Buffy… are you sure one month is enough?"

"You were pointing a sword at Xander!" Okay… I'm sure there's a fair point in there somewhere, but who cares?

"I saw the football team hassling Xander earlier today, are you going to stab them too? One of them might secretly be a vampire. You never can tell really."

"URGH!" Buffy spins on her heels and stomps off.

I wonder why Amy thinks I need a Hobby? This could totally be a sport.

Hmmm… maybe I should visit Joyce at the Gallery and express my apologies about letting my concerns slip to Principal Snyder before she gets home to talk to Buffy?

Then again, Amy wanted me to help her study for that Math test tonight… Oh, and we get to fight those zombies! That's tonight too. I'll just have to keep my chat with Joyce short. Pity.

---Sunnydale Cemeteries---

I can hear the zombies forcing their way up out of their coffins. "…3… 2… 1… Showtime!" I pocket my watch, it's not like I could figure out exactly when they were supposed to rise anyway or else I wouldn't have been standing out here quizzing Amy on derivations in a cemetery all evening.

"I'd ask what show it's time for but the zombies crawling out of the ground pretty much has that covered."

She makes a good point, they aren't exactly subtle. "I can agree with that."

"So we're clear; You knew this was going to happen?" Of course I did. Why else would we be here. What, did you think the cemetery had educational value? Well… I guess it does now. Combat Education.

I Shrug. "Yeah... Joyce showed me the demon mask that's animating them yesterday. Nigerian apparently. I guess they have more than just fake cash strapped princes to export." … That scam is a thing already by the nineties right? Amy doesn't seem bothered by the reference if it isn't.

"…So… if you knew that tonight would be the night of the living dead..? Then why are we in the middle of the largest graveyard in town!?"

"Live. Fire. Exercise. Think of them as moving target dummies. Lots of moving target dummies." Oh! A zombie. I cleave through it's head with my new axe. Eh. I think I like my hammer better. I get more SPLAT! with it.

"Tar frim!" Cool! Amy's got enough juice to make zombies kaboom! That's awesome. I could get used to this whole having someone fighting beside me business.

…MUAHAHAH? MUAHAHAH!? "Really Amy?"

"What? You can cackle like a madman but I can't?"

"No, you're just doing it wrong. Ivy sounds nothing like that." Oooh! I cut that one almost directly in half!

"Jack! We've talked about this." We have? "You are not the Joker." Well sure, but I'd do a good job of it. "I am not Poison Ivy." Well excuse me for not getting dragged into this world with an encyclopedic knowledge of all of DC's characters. Ivy's variety of plant skills is the only thing I can think of that matches up with your magic's sheer versatility. "And wouldn't I be Harley anyway?"

"Harley!? Says the girl who can't lift the hammer." Besides, Faith is going to make an amazing Harley Quinn. I bet she loves the hammer.

---Winters Residence - Lab---

Project Shock Troopers - September 7th – Vulnerability Testing:

• Staking the removed heart did not dust subject.
• Subject remains flammable, but no longer burns to cinders instantly. Setting the heart on fire produces identical results. Fire burns until extinguished or 6 hour time period has elapsed.
• Subject's wounds regenerate at a slightly slower rate comparable to ring usage. Similar rules appear to apply to the severed pieces regarding the link being severed at regenerations completion.
• Exceptions include: Decapitation, which still causes subject to dust. Injuries suffered prior to heart removal, which heal back to that previous state.

Hmmm... if staking or burning doesn't sever that link... what could I possibly do to kill that bond more thoroughly? Needing to decapitate one of these things if they get loose would be a pain in the ass. Also, decapitation is clearly an issue that needs to be addressed.

...Mohra blood?

Okay... that might work. Kind of excessive... but excessive seems appropriate here.

Hmmm... this is one of the last fledges I have left, but what the hell, let's give it a try.

Probably easiest to make the heart human instead of the whole body. Injection... the heart beats? That's cool... but the vamp isn't dust.

...

Oh! There he goes. Poof!

How long was that delay?

---Sunnydale High - Library---

"Come on Amy. The library is this way."

"So… I told you they were asking questions about you.. and your grand plan is to invade their not so secret headquarters?" Amy is giving me one of those looks she uses when she thinks I'm being ridiculous.

"Yup. That's where they keep the answers after all." Well, okay, technically the answers are in the mind of the resident demonologist. A hopefully rather emotionally wrung out demonologist who's overwhelmed by having his Slayer back and being up late fighting zombies.

"Should I have brought the popcorn?" I hope so, this should be quite the show.

"Probably," I push the library doors open and stroll in. "Excuse me, Mr. Giles? Can I talk to you?" Oh! How nice, the gangs all here. I won't even have to rely on their gossip relays to get my story across. I wave happily at them. Xander even starts to wave back before being curtailed by the girls. I suppose Buffy's still cranky about yesterday. Still, thats promising. I suspect Xander will be the most difficult to bring around if they ever twig to my actual nature. A dead brother can be a powerful motivator, I should know, mine hasn't even managed to get himself killed yet but Mother's headaches still natter on about it occasionally. Did Buffy really need to shag both my Grandfather and my Brother into insanity?

"Uh. Yes. Quite. I am here for all of the students of Sunnydale High after all." Awww, he's gone all stuffy British man on me. Quite. How cute! He's uncomfortable already.

I lower my voice enough that Oz and maybe Buffy will think they're clever overhearing me, "Cool… but… I uh… meant like as a Watcher."

I scratch the back of my head and try to look as uncomfortable as I can manage. It's not hard, I just channel my annoyed embarrassment at not being able to figure it out myself. "I was… uh… kind of hoping you might help me figure out what my dad might have been?" because feeding your little stake happy crew that line about being a half demon seemed like a much better idea when I thought I'd be able to find a suitable such crossbreed to fake being. Now it's almost a month later and I still have no idea just what I'm supposed to be pretending I am.

Urgh. I can't dodge the mayor forever and, "the local watcher thinks I'm part blahblah demon" sounds so much better than, "fucked if I know." Granted this is all assuming the man doesn't figure it out right away. He does employ a number of us.

Over at the table, I hear Buffy ask, "He doesn't know?" Interesting… Slayers do have slightly better senses. Well, better hearing anyway. Though she hasn't noticed my lack of heartbeat so it can't be that much better. And she clearly doesn't have a better nose or Oz wouldn't have been their tracker. I wonder how I could test her eye-

Mr. Giles starts polishing his glasses while stammering out his agreement. "Yes, we were actually engaged in just that endeavor now. If you'd be willing to answer some questions it could be of considerable help." Oh! What a lovely coincidence. It's almost as if this is one of the first opportunities you've had to gather in the library since Buffy failed to murder me.

I do so love playing this game, but I force myself to sound like we're talking about having my wisdom teeth out. Gods that sucked. "Well, what would you like to know?" I sigh, slowly sagging into one of the open chairs over at the table. "I've been looking through what books I could find since I realized I was… different. Nothing quite seems to fit." I let a touch of my real annoyance over just how true that is creep into my voice at the end there.

I hear Amy sit down beside me and then her hand is patting my back as if comforting me. Oh Amy. What would I do without you? Selling this act is so much easier with you playing along.

Giles takes his seat and stares at me as he polishes his glasses. A good sign. "I suppose we ought to start with the basics. Did your mother ever talk about him? Any kind of description at all." Really? Slow pitch softball? Thank you Giles! If you weren't a racist peeping tom dedicated to the genocide of my Family I could grow to like you.

"Oh, uh… I've never actually… spoken… to my mother. She kind of… she… uh… she left shortly after I was born. Um, but I've talked to people who met her! Of course they all thought she was crazy. Granted… she was talking about aliens and stars and stuff a lot apparently… So maybe they had a point? Err... There aren't aliens too right? Just demons? Should I have gone to Roswell instead of Sunnydale?" BAHAHAHA. Willow looks like I murdered her puppy. Hmmm… When is Liam due back?

"Not as such, no. Although there was some debate recently on whether other dimensions were possibly other planets, so the distinction may be rather impossible to prove until we find a way to visit the stars." Wait really? That's awesome! Maybe I could chart the stars on a few different worlds and see if they line up? Or would that only work if they were all in the Milky Way? I should ask a astro- "Hmmm... have you perhaps noticed any unusually colored skin? Odd hornlike growths? Anything of that sort?" Okay. Pin in that. Show must go on.

"... I haven't noticed any skin tones as done by Crayola, or any horns... anywhere..." And Mrs. Cole would have definitely noticed any such freakishness…

WHO THE FUCK IS MRS. COLE!?

DAMNIT, MOTHER! What did you do to me?

Uh… where was I? Uh… right!

"And I haven't got a forked tongue or pointy tail either see?" I stick my tongue out at Buffy. "But I do seem to heal really well, which is apparently super useful in this town full of violent... monsters." Why yes Buffy, I do mean you. Must. Not. Giggle. Must. Not. Giggle.

The bell rings. I stand up, grabbing my bag. "So, same time next week?"

"Why not this afternoon or tomorrow?" Because I barely have any free time as it is? Between school, my new job, playing fixer for the folks at Google, and planning my sister's welcome home party I'm pretty booked solid.

"Can't. I have a shift at the hospital tonight and homework and stuff. But I can probably continue to do Wednesday mornings." Dawn always gets kidnapped on Tuesdays. So Wednesday mornings is my best bet you catch you guys all strung out and too tired to catch on if I slip up. Imagine If I'd mentioned Mrs. Cole out loud? What possible purpose could me vaguely remembering growing up in a London orphanage possibly serve!? I should probably add it to the list of shit to look into.

I wrap my arm around Amy as we head out of the library. And now for a nice innocuous topic… hmmm… aha! "Amy… you ready for the test in AP Calc today?"

She rolls her eyes at me. "I am. You know, you're oddly fixated on that class. Are you ready for today's test?" I should damn well hope so. I T.A.'d the damn class in college for two years. If I can't get you a 5 on the end of year AP test I will be very sad.

As the doors swing shut behind me, I just manage to catch Buffy's "…They let that guy work in a hospital!?" I know right? How crazy is that!?

---Sunnydale Warehouse District---

'BOOM!' goes the shotgun! Most of the fledges that were clustered around what I think may have once been a poker table ignite, one that I missed getting torched by his flailing buddy. Hmmm... I think I like the noises the burning infantrymen make in the Command and Conquer games better. Then again, that may just be because I forgot to wear ear protection and can't properly appreciate the fledges screams. Eh. The ring will take care of it in a moment. I add fireproofing to my list for a fourth time. Do not want.

Speaking of, the ringing in my ears cuts out just in time to hear Amy's cry of "Tar frim!" and a lightning bolt crackles along and tags a fledge. Damn it, Amy. You're supposed to be focusing on Kakistos and Mr. Trick.

Another bolt lashes out and knocks the latter down. Good girl. I sweep the shotgun to left. Click. Click. BOOM! And... down go most of the fledges massing on Amy's far side. Which, really, Minions should not stack together.

Okay. There's Kakistos. "Tar frim!"

"No, not the fledge! Get the big guy!" Shit. She can't hear me. She doesn't see him charging at her. Fuck. I charge between them swinging my Hammer at him. Kakistos catches my hammer mid swing. Damn it, Karma. Now is not the time for your attempt at lessons! With a speed I can't even try to match my hammer is ripped out of my hands and tossed aside.

I can hear Amy chanting Gaelic, but the bolts of lightning are all crackling behind me. "Amy! Shitty Tacos is over here!" More crackling bolts behinds me, but not at Kakistos. Also, Kakistos does not seem to like my nickname for him. I take a swing with my right hand hoping to buy Amy some time to notice him.

... OW! Okay, I don't have a right hand any more, or elbow. This was not my best plan! I should have just torched the pla-

...

OW!

Okay. I'm on my back, my ribs feel pretty uniformly cracked. I think I just got punched across a room? How strong is this asshat? Good news though, Kakistos is charging at me through Amy's field of vision so there's that.

Oh hey! I'm being lifted up aga-

...

Wha? My head hurts. I can feel my skull un-cracking. I think if he'd picked uppercut instead of just punching down at me I'd be dead by decapitation right now. That's a horrifying thought.

"Tar frim!" Oh hey. Shitty Tacos is on the ground with me. When did that happen? "Oh, I heard myself talk that time!" Okay... definitely looking into either a silencer or some manner of hearing protection spell for Amy. Maybe some variation of that privacy spell she was talking about wanting for some reason? Oh hey! Trying to sit up worked that time! There's a loud crash and Amy's chanting Gaelic again, but by the time I look over I just see Amy sitting on the floor glaring at Mr. Trick's twitching body.

I lurch to my feet. The world wobbles a bit. Apparently vampires can get concussions? I can feel the ring trying to sort everything out, but I'm going to be hungry when this is all over. I grab a piece of wood from the floor. Looks like it might have been part of a chair once? Limping towards my hammer I stop to stake an occasional fledge along my way.

Conveniently, my arm's regeneration starts working on my fingers as I reach the hammer. Swinging this thing one handed would be a pain in the ass.

I start separating Kakistos from his limbs. Last thing I need is this fucker waking up and punching me again. Or worse, Amy. Fucking hell this guy hits like a Mac truck.

As I move from his arms to his legs, Amy pauses her fake retching noises, "Jack, just stake him already." Nope. Not gonna happen. "What do you mean no?"

Faith would never believe he's gone if she doesn't see it for herself. Besides, all things considered I think she's earned the right to light this guy on fire. "You can stake others. This guy… we're keeping, we're going to send him to the special hell."

"Really Jack? Why can't we just stake him and go home?"

"He tried to rape my Sister." An example needs to be made of what happens if you come after me and mine. Oh! If I cut out his heart first, we can watch him to burn for hours. Oh I like that idea!

"Tar frim!" Awww... Amy agrees with me. Ooh, he's twitching. That's awesome. Okay. Stunned, and even if he wakes up he has no limbs left to bother anyone with. Time to take him home.

---Winters Residence - Lab---

Okay. Shitty Tacos is chained up in his cage just in case. T minus 5 hours 30 minutes until auto-dust. I've got my epi-pen full of Mohra Blood, double wrapped in plastic and placed in my pocket, just in case I need to cut that short... wow, I think I like Amy's 'magic green goop' name better. I box up the heart and the silver platter I specially selected for just this occasion. Time to go meet Faith.

Bounding up the stairs I find Amy in that blue dress she was so adamant against letting Harmony make her try on. See? It does look good on you. "Ready to go?"

"Are you serious!? You told me to get dressed up. You said this was important. But you're going to wear the bloodstained shirt from earlier tonight? No. Shower. Change. Go!"

Hmmm... she has a point. I do kind of look like an old school butcher. I still have over 5 hours til he goes poof "...fine..." I guess I can go change into something more presentable. I'm not sure Faith will care about the clothes I'm wearing but it can't hurt.

"Oh don't give me that tone. You can't go to the Bronze looking like you just committed murder." Yeah yeah, I know. Amy can be such a mother hen some times. "And don't stick your tongue out at me! You know I'm right." She must be dieting again. I really don't know why. Anorexia is not a good look.

"You're hungry again aren't you?"

"Shut up!" Yup. Definitely dieting again. I'll grab her one of those cookies she likes on my way back though the kitchen... Maybe two?

---The Bronze---

Amy and I walk into the Bronze and I can see her immediately. Wow. She looks exactly right. They must have cast Dushku at the same age Faith is. She's spot on for what I remember from the show. She's fucking perfect. She's even telling that story about the Baptists of south Boston from the show.

"Focus, Jack. You said we were meeting your... Sister?" Oh I am focused. If nothing's changed about this scene there's a perfect moment to say hi coming up... yeah, there it is.

"Yup. Let's go say hello!" Hmmm... the band is a bit loud for the occasion... and I don't want to have shout Family business in a packed club... "Hey Amy, think you could toss up that privacy spell you mentioned in this?" I indicate the club. Amy nods and I'm off, I'm a touch behind schedule now and have to race over if I want to arrive in time for...

"But why were you called here?" Perfect!

I slip into the chair next to Faith, sliding the box onto the table. "Hiya Faithy! I gotcha a present!"

I hear Willow ask "Is that... a... human heart?" but I'm watching Faith's reactions. She seems confused.

"Dude! What the fuck!?"

"Yup. I cut it out of this bastard named Kakistos. And that platter is real silver too."

My moment with Faith is interrupted by the Peanuts gallery angry yelling. "What the hell is wrong with you!?" REALLY!?

I turn to glare at them. Xander even flinches from it. "You try finding out that you have a sister you never knew about. And at the same time finding out that she's been chased across the country by a vampire older than fucking dirt who wants to try and rape her to death! I think my response was ENTIRELYappropriate!" Okay... that's a bit more than I meant to give away in public, but fuck, I just want to tell my sister she's safe now in peace.

Faith's hands grab my head and twist it around. For a moment I think she means to twist my head off before I realize that would be ridiculous. "He's dead. You're sure!?" Her eyes are wide as she stares at my face looking for any hints that I'm lying.

I'm not lying, but I need to phrase this carefully anyway. I want my head to remain attached. "I thought... you might want to handle that honor personally... see it with your own eyes kind of thing? I left him trussed up in the basement for you." Faiths eyes widen and her breathing gets rapid. Why is she panicking?

"What if he escapes!?" Uhhh....

"How? With no arms or legs that'd be ... pretty fucking impressive."

Faith's breathing steadies. She nods at me. "Show me." I love the way her voice sounds. I grab the box with Kakistos heart and we're off.

Wait, why am I being dragged towards... oh. "Faith? Not this place's basement, the one back at the house. That way, we can drive there." I point at my truck.

Faith stops and does the wide eyed searching stare again. But I'm not lying. Faith apparently reaches that same conclusion. She points to Buffy, "Okay, but they're coming."

You want your sister slayer with you when you confront Kakistos. I get that. "Whatever it takes to make you feel safe Faithy. Just name it." A truce with Buffy for a night is a tiny price to pay for my Sister. "Uh... I can only fit four in Sheila, and even then not super comfortably so... who else is driving? Oz?"

Oz seems a bit hesitant. "Sure... I'll follow you?"

"You can... but it's just that old Delta Zeta Kappa house. You all know how to get there right?"

Faith, looking full of her usual bravado again grabs a startled looking Buffy by the arm. "Cool. We're coming with you."

Buffy doesn't seem nearly as enthused about this as she's dragged along behind Faith. Beside me Amy giggles. I go to look at her but then I catch Cordelia's muttered, "Of course he lives in that house." I see.

I hold open the doors for Faith and Buffy to climb in. Glancing at Amy as I start the truck, she seems far more amused than Cordelia's discomfort really warrants. She grins at me while still giggling.

Behind me, Buffy asks in a sickly sweet voice, "Jack? Why is there a box of grenades under my seat?" Oh.

Beside me Amy's giggles erupt into full blown laughter. Ooh... oops. Well, nothing for it... Throwing the truck into drive and pressing the break, I turn around to stare straight at Buffy. "Because I forgot to take them back into the house after throwing one at Kakistos?" Winking at Faith who seems both amused and alarmed, I turn back around and, releasing the break, I pull out into traffic.

---

A/N - And that concludes my experiment with the multiple POV thing. I think it cleared up a lot of the "why are they all being assholes?" questions... but on with the show... next chapter will pick up immediately after this one rather than looping back.

 

[Aetheron]

---Winters Residence---

"Holy buggerfuckin christ, Buffy! What part of older than fuckin dirt is so gods damned difficult for you!?" I throw the truck in park and climb out, pausing only to grab the boxed heart, before starting towards the house.

My not nearly short enough drive to the other side of Sunnydale's 'not a whole lot of town' has taught me a few things. One, Cordelia has no gods damned sense of scale. Two, Buffy has issues with the use of grenades. No. Make that Buffy has issues. Three, apparently Faith's accent is fuckin contagious, I can literally hear myself getting worse. Four, and my personal favorite, being in a truck with two slayers is itchy. My tattoos do not like it. Amy of course thinks it's hilarious. She hasn't stopped giggling since we got in the truck.

"If you want to think of it as cheating then fine! I cheated! What was I supposed to do? Slam my face into his fists until his arms got tired? I hit the guy with a grenade and he GOT BACK UP!"

Surprisingly it's Faith, who had been uncharacteristically quiet for most of the ride, that latches on to that one. "...So wait, how did you beat him?"

I sigh, "...I uh... hit his fists with my face until Amy managed to tag him with a magic tazer. My job was just to play bait and punching bag." Xander, holding the door of the mystery machine for Willow and Cordelia gives a nod in solidarity. Monster baits of the world unite.

...I never did get around to having him test that blue haired girl.

Unlocking the front door and ushering everyone inside I can't help but feel like there's something wrong.

Cordelia and Buffy are staring around the atrium/living room area like it's ... err... I have no idea what that expression means. Amy is still giggling.

That. Right there. What was that noise? Oz is looking around with a slightly puzzled expression, which coming from him is a more than a bit alarming.

"Wow. I love what you've done with the place." Okay, I guess that expression is a good thing? "It looks nothing like when those psychos tried to feed me to- what?."

I hold up my hand for silence. Clanging noise? Oh gods damn it Faith, why did you have to play prophetess. "Damn."

"What?" Cordelia, and now Willow ask together. Oz, Buffy, Faith and I are all staring at the basement door as a loud roar followed by an equally loud clanging noise overpowers the lab's sound proofing.

"Remember when Faith asked what happens if he escapes?" I set the box down on a side table and start unwrapping the epi-pen while even those without enhanced hearing start reaching for their nearest weapons and looking at the door. I rip off the cap and inject the Heart. I start the countdown from its first stuttering heartbeat.

Four. I drop the Epi-pen into the box and head over towards the group as loud pounding footsteps come up the stairs.

Three. "Looks like you all get to see why I wasn't overly concerned about it." Faith's breathing is definitely amping up.

Two. I get a bunch of quick glances from now slightly confused Scoobies. Amy giggles again and Faith is starting to eye the exits. I think I can hear her heart pounding.

One. I put my hand on Faith's shoulder and give it a reassuring squeeze as an enraged Kakistos, arms and legs somehow almost healed, blows through the basement door like it's tissue paper. Clearly I forgot to fucking test the ritual on a properly ancient vampire. Faith feels rooted to the spot, as if her worst nightmare just came to life. Every muscle near her shoulder is as tense as I've ever felt.

Zero. Kakistos doesn't dust? Buggering fuck! I scramble forward between him and Faith, right hand up to ward off his first blow. At least I know I can survive having that arm ripped off... This is going to suck.

Kakistos rushes forward. "I'm going to rip your spine ou-" His charge across the room at turns into a clattering skeletal roll as the rest of his body fades to dust. I nudge an... arm bone..? with my foot. Apparently the count changes slightly with age? That's going to be expensive to chart out... err...

Actually, I probably just counted faster due to stress.

Damn. That's embarrassing.

I sigh. "Amy, do you remember where we put the vacuum?" No answer. I turn around.

...

Okay, why is everyone staring at me? "What?" Amy is starting to look annoyed and Faith looks somewhere between shock and tears. Oh! "Oh. Shit. I'm so sorry, Faith. I said I'd let you set him on fire didn't I? uhhh... I said I'm sorry right?" I look over at the bones scattered on my floor. "I can probably bring him back if you still want to do that?"

...

This does not appear to be what has everyone upset. Half of them just started spluttering one word questions. Faith is silently alternating from staring at the bones to me and back on loop. Amy's the loudest though, "JACK! You just waved at him and made him explode."

Is that what it looked like? I would have shouted moronicus explodicus if I'd known that. "...I did mention I had a backup plan right?"

"So we only- What the- No! I'm done! I can't- I don't-" Amy stands there for a moment before throwing her hands in the air, and stomping off to the kitchen. "AWRGLE!"

... huh.

Okay. Everyone out of my house! "Okay. I should probably go check on Amy. She's been a bit stressed out since the stabbing, and I think tonight was just too much."

Faith is glancing from the bones to the still swinging kitchen door. "Oh shit. She got stabbed?" Oh. No. Faith, this isn't your fault.

"Err... No, I got stabbed. In the back no less." Buffy and co. start to look a touch uncomfortable as I stare pointedly at them. "I'm fine obviously, but it kind of shook Amy up. Look, can we take a raincheck on the demanding answers bit?" Fortunately, Buffy opens and closes her mouth a few times before glancing at the kitchen door and nodding. I can hear Willow excitedly pondering under her breath what spell I used as she's herded out by Oz and Xander. Definitely need to tell her it's moronicus explodicus.

Faith looks pretty overwhelmed too. There are some definite cracks showing in her tough girl bravado. Speaking of Faith, "Faith? Where are you going?"

"Ain't we leavin? You just said..."

"Oh, I didn't mean you had to leave, we've got what? Almost 17 years of catching up to do? You can crash here if you like, or I could drive you... uh, where are you staying anyway?"

"Over at the Sunnydale Motor Inn." She says that so matter of factly.

"You're staying in that rathole?" Cordelia, spinning around in the doorway, sounds so legitimately horrified. I don't think I could have said it better myself.

Faith starts to protest, "What's it to you!?" But Cordelia has already moved on... Okay, now what? Why is she glaring at me?

"A house like this and you're letting her stay in that place? What kind of brother- Do you want her to get-" Xander elbows her, giving her a look.

Faith's yell of "Hey! I can take care of myself." Is also completely ignored by Cordelia who's now glaring at Xander.

Xander's whispered, "Cordy, remember what we said about Jack's mom leaving right after he was born? I don't think they've ever met before." Is far less subtle than he thinks in a room full of people with sharpened hearing. Cordelia's surprised expression lasts at least until Xander manages to tug her out the door. I may owe Xander another box of Twinkies. Maybe one for Cordelia too.

Well, on the plus side Faith is still here. On the down side they got her even more riled up. With Buffy paused in the doorway looking at Faith with a question on her face I think it might be time to call time out. "I think what Cordelia meant to say is that you're always welcome to stay here Faith, I obviously have plenty of room." Nothing good will come of rushing or trying to force things with Faith. "It's up to you of course, but tell you what, If you like you could come over for breakfast tomorrow? I'll make eggs. We can catch up, get to know each other, and you can put off deciding until you feel more comfortable. It'll be Saturday so... maybe... here around 10?"

Faith nods and stops looking quite so anxious. It's fascinating how good she is at wrapping bravado around herself like a cloak.

I wave goodbye before closing the door behind the two slayers and turning to face the kitchen door. "Well then, once more into the breach dear Jack."

---Winters Residence - Kitchen---

Amy paces back and forth angrily. The box of Oreos her current pointing implement came from has gotten nearly empty. "You keep doing these impossible things! Like dragging a vampire down into the lab and somehow turning them back into a human! I just! URGH!"

"I... but I told-"

"No! Not done yet! We could have died Jack! I could have died! You're fine obviously, Mr. Crazy Impossible Vampire that walks around in sunshine and plays with crosses. Buffy staked you! In the heart! I saw the hole close up when I pulled it out. And you just laughed it off. And now there's two of you! And I just can't- URRGH!"

Well now she's making no sense. Clearly sorting this out will require waiting for her to calm down... Wait. I think I know this one! I stand up and cautiously move towards Amy who's gearing up for another round. "Amy? Do you need a hug?"

A long sigh, and Amy's angry rant deflates like someone cut her strings. She nods.

...

"You know, it's weird having my face pressed against your chest and not hearing a heartbeat." Amy murmurs a moment later.

"Uh... well... I don't know if this will make things any better given what you said earlier, but I uh... would you like me to get a heartbeat? I have this theory about-"

Amy laughs against my chest, "Jack, one day you're going to either conquer the world or kill it with fire, and your explanation for why you did it will start with 'I had this theory about..."

"Father always used to joke that ruling the world sounded like entirely too much work, but you're probably right. That does sound a lot like me. Feeling better?"

"Yeah, a bit. We can go rejoin the Scoobies now."

"Oh I sent them home ages ago."

"But... I thought you were all excited about hanging out with your Sister." Odd emphasis on that word is odd...

"My witch was malfunctioning again. It seemed important. Faith's going to come over for breakfast tomorrow, we can catch up then." Amy halfheartedly glares up at me.

"I was not malfunctioning." Her smile and slight tightening of her arms kind of kills the angry tone of her words.

"Of course not, dear. Who would ever say such a thing?"

Amy just huffs mock angrily in my arms.

"Would you like to me to tell you how I do all of those allegedly impossible things? I can explain all of them. That's the beauty of science."

"Only if you promise it won't be super gross."

"...Okay, in that case I can explain... maybe half of what I do." Probably less.

"I can live with that."

"Okay so... about that ring of invisibility I think you mentioned..."

---Winters Residence - Kitchen---

In the kitchen again the next morning, I listen to Faith tell Amy about some of her slay-gal adventures and misadventures while I cook breakfast. Finally ready I start putting some onto plates and set it down in front of the girls before heading back to grab my own.

"What the fuck is this shit?"

"Eggs a la Jack." Is that voice really necessary Amy?

"The fuck are they ORANGE!?" Faith makes it sound like a personal betrayal.

"Because Jack here thinks that eggs with shredded veggie sausage and barbeque sauce is the king of breakfast foods." Amy rolls her eyes but digs in with enthusiasm, I note.

I finally feel compelled to jump in here, "Hey! Don't forget the garlic. And I saw that eye roll. You will never convince me that French Toast is better than this!"

"Oh, Goddess! How could I forget the garlic. You only ladle it in by the spoonful! Don't mind him Faith, he's just one of those freaks of nature that hate maple syrup."

"How can you hate maple syrup!?" again with that betrayed tone.

"I don't hate it... I just don't really care for it. Dunno, never have. And is making that face at them really necessary? They're just eggs. They didn't kick your puppy."

I can hear Faith muttering about aliens and syrup and eggs while Amy laughs as I go to grab a second plateful. I guess she must have gotten Xander to elaborate on my alleged history? He seemed inordinately fond of the aliens are real theory.

"So you're all right? You seemed kinda freaked out last night." Victory! I can hear Faith talking around a mouth full of food.

"Yeah, Jack and I talked. Apparently we weren't nearly as on the same page about a few things as we thought. So between finding out just how dangerous that Kakistos guy we had fought actually was, and thinking you were a vampire, and then havin-

"You thought I was a vampire!?"

I slide back into my seat and pass Faith a napkin for the eggs she now has on her shirt. "Yeah, it seems that Amy here missed the '-Slayer' part of your title when I told her about you."

"Don't say that like it's my fault. Talking to you that whole week was like dealing with a two year old on a fucking sugar high!"

My moment of victory as Faith begins munching away happily on second plate of eggs is cut short by the doorbell. I wave Amy off, "I'll get it. You two eat."

"He... was excited... about me?" Faith asks as I head into the living room. She sounds so delightedly yet hesitantly hopeful I can't help but smile. It's going to be okay Faith. You're with family now. I take my time heading to the door so I can listen in.

"Oh, Goddess, you should have seen him and Harmony working on your bedroom. I had to step in a few times to make sure it didn't come out looking like a unicorn sneezed glitter everywhere."

"My bedro- Wait, you thought I was a vampire but you were helping setup a room for me?"

"Of course... you're family." Amy really is amazing. She says that so matter-of-factly. As if any other answer would be insane. I think I taught her that. She's come so far in just one summer. Imagine what I'll be able to do with eternity? I'm filled with the warm and fuzzies.

I open the door. My warm and fuzzies run away in terror. The man on my porch and I stare at each other. Shitfuck!

...

I plaster my best smile on my face. "Deputy Mayor Finch! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

 

[Aetheron]

---Winters Residence---

I stare down at the suspiciously ornate looking invitation the deputy mayor is holding out to me. Would it be rude to go fetch a pair of bomb disposal gloves before accepting it? Or maybe call Amy and have her check it to make sure it's not a fucking portkey to Azkaban? ...I can't seem to shake that last, oddly particular, concern.

...

It would probably be rude. It would certainly be strange. I think I hear Amy and Faith heading up stairs to Faith's room anyway. Damn. Plan C it is.

I look up and meet Alan Finch in the eyes. "What is it?" I'm getting better at blending speech and Thrall together seamlessly, but I still hear an odd lilt to my voice when I do it. I'm not sure if it's all in my head or not, after all, who could I ask?

None of that matters of course, because just like everyone else worth mentioning in this buggerfucking town Finch appears to have... wait...

What are the odds that every human of political importance has enough demon blood to be resistant to Thrall?

Fucking Wilkins. He must have some sort of mental protective spell running on his favorite toys. Fuck, for all I know, he gets a text message every time I try to thrall one of them. I wonder if that means Brachen demons are actually even thrall resistant at all... but then who would have...

Finch at least doesn't seem to notice anything strange about the question. And, wonder of wonders, he helpfully answers it. "Mayor Wilkins would like to meet with you to discuss an employment opportunity at City Hall."

Okay. 'Helpfully' may have been a stretch. "Mayor Wilkins wants to give me a job?" Doesn't he already have enough... Oh... I guess I did kind of sorta kill the guy he was going to hire. Mr. Trick, I salute you. Even from the dusty beyond you've managed to be a pain in the ass.

I carefully take the offered invitation. I suppose if I have to be on the Mayor's radar, being on it as the vampire in charge of messing with Buffy's head is the best option I could hope for. Shit I already do that for the giggles. This is going to be like the psychiatry department all over again. Hmmm... Next Sunday at 8PM? "Thank you, Deputy Finch. Please assure the Mayor that I'll be there." Maybe keeping my Sister out of Wilkin's sights won't be impossible after all.

I wave Finch off cheerfully before closing the door.

Just in time for Mount Faith to erupt. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!?" Oh now what could possibly be wrong? I was only gone for a few minutes at the most.

There isn't even any point to moving given how loudly she's clearly moving down the stairs. Herd of elephants that girl.

Oh. She found the paperwork folder. "Jack! What is this!?" Said folder is suddenly being practically pressed against my face. Note to self. No more coffee for Faith. Oh right, she hasn't even had any.

Why is she upset about the folder. All it has is, "Options?"

"Options!? How does you taking custody of me give me options!?" Oh!

"Did you read the next few pages?" The folder is jerked back out of my face and Faith is thumbing through it faster than I can blink. I wonder if this is what Amy meant when she said I'm hard to follow sometimes..?

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"...Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Look, I'd love for you to be a proper Winters and all. The idea of there being two Slayers; one Summers, one Winters, is too amusing for mere words. I think that's probably why Harmony keeps rearranging the paperwork so that one is on top. I think she loves that idea even more than I do. But I actually rather expected you to go with Faith Dormer. From what the Lawyers and I were able to piece together she helped you out a lot. I thought you might want to carry the name to honor her memory." I shrug exaggeratedly, "None of that's been filed with the courts yet. I wanted it to be your choice. Whichever you name you pick, and either emancipation or a custodial agreement, the paperwork for each combination is in that folder ready to go. The important part was that it be up to you. Too much in life just kind of happens to us you know?"

Faith continues staring at the various permutations of paperwork I had drawn up. "I... need to think about this."

I smile encouragingly at her. "Take all the time you need. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll be here to back you up no matter what you choose."

Faith nods distractedly and then she's gone. My front door swinging closed for the second time in five minutes.

It almost looked like she was about to cry. Well... At least she took the paperwork with her? That's ... good... right?

Looking up at the second floor I meet Amy's widened eyes and her matching confused look. What just happened?

---Sunnydale High - Hallways---

Getting a head start on my new job I snag Harmony after first period. "Harmony... have you ever considered running for Homecoming Queen?"

It's fortunate that Harmony doesn't seem to require any further input from me than that before she's off to the races, because I honestly haven't the foggiest how that all works even after I watched Buffy and Cordelia duke it out for most of an episode.

Aha! There you are! You, Mr. Wells, are entirely too good at slinking around the high school avoiding people looking for you. See, there you go again, trying to escape.

Yes. Thank you, Larry. Pin him there while I make my way down the hall. Good Boy.

Walking up behind Larry, I put my hand on his shoulder. "Morning, Larry! Sorry to be a bother, but I need to borrow your boyfriend for a moment."

Larry expression would indicate he seems to think I'm off script again. But, proof he can be taught, he walks away without comment when I make shooing motions at him.

Andrew Wells stares from me to Larry's retreating back before blinking a few times and squeaking out, "I'm not gay!"

You aren't? Are you sure? The internet seemed to disagree back home. And... either way, what an incredibly odd way to say hello to someone. "Congratulations. Why would I care?" I fail to see how what you do in your free time is any of my business. "Now, I need you to focus, Mr. Wells, this is important. I need you to tell me more about Batman." Halloween is going to be amazing this year.

Andrew somehow manages to look excited and confused at the same time. "...you want me to tell you about Batman?"

"Yup. I'm planning out some Halloween costumes for my friends, and I want to make sure they work right. I have a... Joker, a Poison Ivy," I pause a moment, wondering what Faith is up to right now. I haven't seen much of her since she left on Saturday. "...A Harley Quinn and..."

---Sunnydale High - Library---

Ah Wednesdays. The day I set aside for trying to figure out just what I'm pretending to be.

Wednesday. Also known to the Scoobies as stare at Jack and ask entirely too many questions day. Sadly, Faith doesn't seem to be here. Then again, I already knew getting her to go to school would be a herculean task.

...And it's not like she's done much more than glance at me awkwardly since she fled the house. Avoidance thy name is Faith.

Willow seems far more interested in playing a different game today though. I sigh. "I call it moronicus explodicus. It makes vampires too stupid to stay fucking tied up go poof! It's not actually a spell though."

"It isn't?" She sounds so sad.

"What did I have in the box?"

"Oh. So you-"

"Destroyed the vampire heart. And... trying to move back on topic... No, Giles, I can pretty much eat whatever I want. Or... well... I haven't ever tried to eat a bar of metal, but I also feel no particular urge to do-" My idle page flipping grinds to a halt. I stare down at a drawing of what looks like Emilia wearing a toga in one of Giles's mythology books. "SON OF A BITCH!"

Amy lifts her head up from where she was doing a decent job of pretending nothing beyond her morning cup of coffee existed. "What?"

"I think I know this girl." I point at the entry for Eris. Greek goddess of chaos, strife, and discord. Why was she in L.A pretending to be a tattoo... shit. Why she looks extra familiar finally clicks. She looks like the woman from fathers bizarre 'dream' from before he woke up on the Sunnydale sign. I guess her and Janus teaming up makes as much sense as any other explanation for why I'm here. Is there even anything to be gained by investigating? I'll have to give it some thought. All this really tells me is that Hellenism suddenly feels more realistic that father's atheism.

"Really, Jack? You know a goddess?" Buffy sounds doubtful. Right, no origin story revelations in front of the white hats.

"Yeah, she's an incredible lay." There, that's both true and suitably conversation diverting. And there's that blessed school bell. I think I have metal shop- "You okay there, Amy? You look like you're choking."

---Winters Residence - Atrium---

I'm sitting on the couch watching the tapes I borrowed from the hospital security office.

I no longer wonder why no one's noticed I'm never in them. Grainy doesn't even begin to describe it.

Aha! Okay... there's the Sandra-ish blur running down the hallway and... nope that's just a nurse late for her shift or something.

I turn on the external pacemaker I borrowed along with the tapes. It's an odd sensation as my internal fluids resume sloshing around inside of me. It's kind of distracting, but I suppose I could get used to it. Shame the little box thing is so huge. I'm going to have to find a surgeon that Amy won't mind threatening while I'm... would I even need to be sedated? William wasn't for his brain surgery. Huh... I wonder if that means the ring is corrupting my studies on how vampire memory works by putting everything back exactly right? Cleary William was thinking with his brain or else why the chip?

...

Okay... nope! Pacemaker is not a go. Vampires can get nauseous it seems. I rip out the pacemaker's wires before I discover first hand if it's also possible for us to vomit. Maybe some manner of chest mounted subwoofer device to fake the rhythmic sensation of a heartbeat but not actually move the blood around?

Oh! This might be her. The fast moving blur of the appropriate colors rushes down the hallway and then stops to swing at empty air.

The blur suddenly just fucking vanishes. Really? That's what you security types call a camera glitch? REALLY!? Sandra just teleported a few feet to the right out of frame and you're just, 'oh yeah, that happens sometimes?'

The doorbell rings. Sandra reappears against the wall on the tape. Oh. That's just... okay, really? This requires testing. I throw my shirt on and head towards the door while buttoning it up.

I'm still laughing about the fact that the universe is willing to lump unruly psych patients under the category of "possessions" as far as my tattoos are concerned when I get to the door. Oh magic...

I open it to find a nervous and uncomfortable looking Faith clutching a duffle bag and the folder of paperwork. "So. If I wanna be Faith Dormer and get emancipated and shit... can- can I still move in?"

I feel like I've already given her this speech. But what the hell. "Welcome home, Faith."

"Thanks, Jack." Faith walks through and I close the door. I can't help but notice that while she's smiling, she only sounds almost thrilled... it doesn't quite seem to reach her eyes which still look a little sad and nervous...and why is she using my name instead of one of her Faith style nicknames? Shouldn't I be J? or something like Red?

Maybe she's trying to maintain her distance because she doesn't, or can't, quite believe we really want her? I'll have to find a way to prove it to her. Hmm... how the hell am I going to top delivering Kakistos's heart on a silver platter?

---Sunnydale City Hall---

I resist the urge to snort. But really. The study in contrast is a bit much.

I mean really, the other interviewee for the job is Lyle Gorch? Really? I force myself to nod politely to the redneck as he walks past me coming out of the Mayor's office.

A moment later Finch gives me the go ahead and I step cautiously into that same office. Mayor Wilkins is seated at his desk with that genial smile he loves to wear plastered on his face. It turns puzzled for just a bare instant as I cross through his office door but then the smile is back. Given how many people I baffle on a regular basis I wouldn't find it so damned alarming if it hadn't happened in sync with my tattoos sizzling for a half second.

"Mayor Wilkins. I'm told you wanted to see me about some work?" I've been giving some thought to all the various ways I can keep Buffy off her game this past week. I think I'm going to enjoy this a lot.

"Ah, Mr. Winters. Punctual. I like that. You see I find myself in need of a new retrieval specialist. Punctuality is so important in that line of work." Uh what? Wilkins gestures to the wall of his office, where there's a large set of... uh...Hang on... that bit looks like the caves system under... the... house- Holy crap those ugly paintings all combine into a fucking map!? GODS DAMN IT.

 

[Aetheron]

*** Faith's POV ***

---

---Riding in Oz's Van---

I'm staring silently out the window with my thoughts on loop.

I can stop running. Kakistos is dead. I can stop running. I'm safe. I should feel great about that right? Should be happy?

The van's silence is broken by the girl with red hair... Willow?

"So... that was scary. But... you have a brother. So. Yay!" Except I don't. I don't have a brother.

"An alien brother!" What?

"Xander! He's not an alien. Giles said so."

"What're you guys talking about?" I turn away from the window to look at them.

"Oh. Jack was able to track down some folks who... knew your mother. Apparently she was talking about aliens before she... left. She never mentioned anything about that you?" Xander I think she called him? Trails off awkwardly.

"No."

Because the guy that smiles at me like I matter, like I'm important, the guy who turned Kakistos to dust with a wave of his hand... He thinks I'm someone I'm not.

He thinks I'm some long lost sister. His sister. Family.

"She never talked about the aliens with me."

Is it wrong that I want to pretend it's true? Maybe just for a little while?

"She was always a bit too busy drinking and passing out to tell me about the aliens."

Am I really that bad for wanting it to be true? Awkward silence answers my unasked question as the van continues towards my motel.

---Sunnydale Motor Inn---

I look at the hotel clock with the crack running down the middle.

It's 3:28 the clock tells me.

I roll over on the crappy motel mattress and try to go back to sleep.

"I have a brother, so, yay!" I can't seem to match Red's happy. Maybe it's because I know it's a lie?

It has to be a lie right? Mom can't have had a kid before me. Why would she say having me ruined her life if she had another kid before me?

Want. Take. Have. It's a lot easier when it's just skin.

Eventually I must fall asleep again.

I dream of the crazy guy that calls me his sister and hands me the heart of my worst nightmare on a silver platter.

I dream of having a place to live where I don't get woken up at 3:26 in the morning to stake a vampire that tries to break into my hotel room and eat me.

I dream of a hand squeezing me on the shoulder, and then blowing Kakistos to dust with a wave.

I dream of having a family that wants me.

---Winters Residence---

I stare at Amy's smiling face in the doorway.

I want to tell her he's not really my brother. That I don't belong here.

"Hey, Faith! Perfect timing. Jack's just getting ready to make breakfast."

My empty stomach growls at me.

I'll tell them after breakfast.

---Winters Residence - Kitchen---

"Of course... You're family." Amy stares at me like I have three heads. Like there's no other option.

Except I'm not family. I don't belong here. I'm not the girl with the family that would take me even if I were a vampire. I should tell her. I want to tell her.

"But... Vampires eat people." I say instead.

She laughs. "You've met Jack right? Do you really think I need to worry about being eaten with him around?"

I can't really argue with that I guess. It must be nice, knowing someone cares about you like that.

I remember it being nice. Diana made me feel like that... before... Before Kakistos ripped her apart trying to get to me. Before I ran away. Before I let her die.

Now? Something must have shown on my face because Amy pats my arm and tells me to follow her.

We go up a flight of stairs. There's a door. My door. My name is on the door. The I is a stake, and the T is a cross.

"You know, when he first put the sign up, I thought he was going to turn it into a chapel." I guess Amy noticed me staring at the door. She opens the door and waves me in ahead of her.

It's bigger than my motel room. One of the walls has newspaper clippings on it.

I take a closer look. I recognize that guy. I saved him from that reddish Demon Thing... These are all about me. Huh, I made the papers a few times. It's a little creepy actually.

There's a bed and a desk. They look nice. New. Bought just for me. There's a folder with my name on it on the desk.

I open it. Are these... adoption papers? I stare at Amy's smiling face in the doorway.

I'm not really his sister. I wish I was. I want to belong. But I don't. I hate that I don't. That I never do. This isn't my room. He's got the wrong girl.

I have to tell them. These papers make it too real. This whole room is just too much.

"What the fuck is this shit!?" I yell instead of telling them. Anger is easier. I don't have to tell them I've let them think I'm someone else for the past hour.

I race out of the room and back down the stairs.

"Jack! What is this?" I'm holding the folder with the paperwork in his face.

"Options."

What do you mean options? Options for who? He says it with the same smile he used when he handed me a heart. He's obviously at least a little crazy, but I think he means this is for me. But I don't understand.

"Options? How does you having custody of me give me options?"

What I really want to ask is why are you so sure I'm your sister? How can you have done all this research about me, have newspaper clippings of me on the wall in a room with my name on it, be ready to take me in, and yet have missed the fact that I'm not your sister? That I can't be your sister. Can I?

"Did you read the next few pages?"

I flip through the paperwork in the folder. Each one is different. Emancipation paperwork. Name change paperwork...

"Oh"

"Yeah"

"Sorry." And I am. I'm sorry that I'm standing here thinking about letting you continue to believe I'm your long lost sister. Thinking about taking advantage of your crazy.

"Don't worry about it. Look, I'd love for you to be a proper Winters and all..." Jack keeps talking but I'm not really listening. I hear him say my name again, only now it's "Faith Dormer." He says it as I find the paperwork that would make it true.

Faith Dormer, like I really was her daughter. Shit. What would Double D think if she could see me now?

"...Too much in life just kind of happens to us you know?"

I think I nod at him. I need to go. "I need to think about this."

I'm down the street before I realize I've made it out the door.

Am I bad? Am I wrong for wanting what they're offering?

---Sunnydale Cemeteries---

"So... Jack is..." I kick the vamp over to B, "He's crazy right?"

B pauses to stake it, "You know, I'm not really sure anymore."

"Whatcha mean?" We look around the cemetery, but that was the last one.

"He does all these infuriatingly bizarre things, but they all seem to have a reason you know? Like, he's the reason I have to talk to Mr. Platt."

"He that school shrink you mentioned?" If B, with her perfect fuckin life, needs a shrink, what's that say about me?

"Yeah. I hated the idea of going at first, but it's been helpful. Just having someone to talk to about stuff. I can't talk about slaying obviously, but... okay, so mostly I just talk about how angry Jack makes me sometimes."

"...Ain't you two friends?"

"Not really. I think Xander and he might be friends, but- I don't know. We've never really gotten along. I suppose staking him the night we met didn't help." Probably not- Hang on. What?

"You're the one that stabbed him?"

"Yeah, I thought he was a vampire attacking Xander. Staked him in the heart. He just punched me and then stormed off yelling about... pegging fetishes?" B's nose scrunches up in confusion.

"You... in the heart... Wait- You mean he really is an alien!? Xander wasn't just joking around?"

"Well, Giles thinks he might just be part Mocha Demon. But yeah, Xander's really hoping the answer is aliens."

"Oh." The crazy guy that thinks I'm his long lost sister is a coffee demon? Maybe Xander has a point.

"Yeah." And B waves good night and heads back to her... mother who wants her. Why couldn't my mom be like Mrs. Summers?

---Sunnydale Alleyway---

I pull my stake back as the vampire crumbles to dust. I check the pockets of the jacket I tore off him. Twenty bucks.

That brings me up to enough to pay for the hotel room for another night.

One more vamp with cash on him and I can grab something to eat too.

My stomach growls hungrily at the thought. Slaying always makes me hungry.

Maybe if I don't call myself a Winters it won't be like I'm lying to them?

---Winters Residence---

The last time I saw Jack or Amy was 3 days ago. Jack smiled at me and waved. I... pretended I didn't notice him standing there. Will they even still want me?

I hear laughter before the door opens, then Jack's standing there. His smile widens.

"So. If I wanna be Faith Dormer and get emancipated and shit..."

Double D would be so disappointed in me right now.

I almost turn around and walk away right then.

I almost tell him I'm not who he thinks I am.

But I don't.

"Can I still move in?"

"Welcome home, Faith."

Home. Family. Somewhere to belong. It's what I've always wanted.

"Thanks, Jack."

Why do I feel like I don't deserve it?

 

[ThedudeManBro]

Oooof. Impostor syndrome on top of everything else Faith has inside her brain case... Shiet, poor gal.

 

[shakeval]

Wait, we have a SFW section?
. . . . .why?

 

[Mr Zoat]

Wait, we have a SFW section?
. . . . .why?

Click to shrink...

A filter for ignorant writers who haven't realised that they're not supposed to post things there.

 

[shakeval]

A filter for ignorant writers who haven't realised that they're not supposed to post things there.

Click to shrink...

Yeah, sounds about right.

 

[Aetheron]

Well on the up side jack doesn't have to worry about subject B anymore

Click to shrink...

Yeah... Which is good because Jack forgot Subject B ever existed right around the time the next shiny idea wandered by.
Jack writes everything down, and not just because doing so is what separates people doing !!SCIENCE!! from people who are just fucking around.

... Aqua has more Goddess Responsibility Points™ than Eris right now.
How the fuck can you even DO that?

Click to shrink...

By not having had any kind of active job/responsibilities of note for nigh on a thousand years after Christianity took over her pantheon's old turf?
Well that and not being the most responsible of goddesses to begin with.

Oooof. Impostor syndrome on top of everything else Faith has inside her brain case... Shiet, poor gal.

Click to shrink...

Yeah...

Wait, we have a SFW section?
. . . . .why?

Click to shrink...

I would assume it's at least part of how the site attracts new users? (Assuming that's a thing QQ even cares about?)
The NSFW section doesn't show up in Google searches because you have to logged in to access it.

A filter for ignorant writers who haven't realised that they're not supposed to post things there.

Click to shrink...

Rude.
Though again, I started in the NSFW section where QQ is concerned.

 

[Aetheron]

---Winters Residence---

I walk out of Mayor Wilkins' office feeling torn between amusement and apprehension.

On the one hand I'm clearly being sent down into some caves by an old man wizard to fetch a maguffin. Mark your calendars folks, I've been in this world for just over four months and I've been given a fetch quest. Anyone taking bets on whether or not it chains out into a fed-ex quest to deliver to someone somewhere massively inconvenient, yet somehow storyline relevant? I roll my eyes at the universe.

On the other hand... I'm being sent to fetch a maguffin he needs to 'fulfill a campaign promise.' There's no way that doesn't mean, 'aid me in violating rule 34 by turning in to a giant snake demon.' I mean gosh, what a pickle! My favorite Mayor wants to retire in a fiery explosion. Seems like such a waste. I'd feel bad about enabling him, but clearly he was able to find the damn thing in canon even without the extra three parts of the cipher- map- ugly ass paintings thing narrowing down his search grid. And of course he's still missing one so I still have a shit ton of cavern to search... Either he got lucky in canon, which isn't really his style, or he must have originally thrown minions at the problem until it went away. Sorry, 'Retrieval Teams.' Bah. Bands of moronic fledges is more like it. Fucking amateurs.

But... I thumb through the folder of headshots and brief descriptions of the previous retrieval team that missed their last three contact points. The 'hazard pay' bonus I'm getting is nice, but it's a shame I won't be able to collect any of the extra money he offered if I could bring the them back in 'alive' given that they took part in my blood recycling program. It's not like I can sort their particular ashes out of my growing collection in the urn. Or reconstitute them if I could.

See this is the problem with secretive organizations. If any of them had badges that said they worked for Wilkins, then I wouldn't have used them as test subjects. Probably. Granted, I'd just have staked them down in the caves instead. But hey, win some lose some.

It's hard to even say if the Mayor even knows what happened to them or not. He seemed to talk like I was just some regular human guy with a gift for spelunking. Was he just being polite? Was that flicker of surprise while my tattoos sizzled him not getting a response from some sort of demon detector? Hard to say. He clearly acknowledged the existence of the supernatural.

Of course he also mentioned that the use of guns in his jurisdiction was 'frowned upon.' I used a gun in the siege of the Amarra crypt as well as against Kakistos. Impossible to say for sure if he's referencing either or if his general spiel just includes that warning... Actually... him politely warning people off of gun usage might explain quite a few things. I suspect boxing up my munitions and reserving them for emergency home defense for the remainder of this season may be easier than dealing with a cranky Wilkins. Not like I can claim I never got the memo now.

Damned overly polite villains. Makes it so hard to tell if anything actually bothers them.

My ruminations carry me back to the house. I pause at the front door as loud yelling suddenly washes over me.

"Bitch! I will kill you!" Faith sounds angry. Not good. Normal later in the season, sure, but not good.

"Awww is little Faithy upset?" ...Why is Amy mocking an angry slayer?

"Fuck you!"

...

Okay. This can't be good. Abandoning any pretext of bothering with a key, I wrench the door knob open with brute force and charge through the door.

Amy and Faith's heads whip around at the noise.

They stare at me over the back of the couch.

I stare back at them.

Behind them the AI drives Mario over the finish line to win the race.

...

"Blue shell?"

"Uh huh." They both nod.

"So... you two aren't trying to murder each other?"

Two heads shake. "No."

I look down at the door knob in my hand. I barely felt it rip right out of the door in my haste to get in. I look back at the door that's now off its hinges. "I think we need a new front door."

Amy rolls her eyes at me. "Okay. I'll call Home Depot in the morning."

I nod. "Cool. Uh... ask them if they have anything in metal." I'd go with another vault style door like down stairs but that might give Buffy the wrong idea. Okay, so she'd be one hundred percent right about my not wanting her to visit... but I doubt she'd take it very well.

The last AI crosses the finish line. Amy starts mumbling swears at the N64.

"Count me in for the race after next? I just need to tape that thing shut for the night."

Amy nods agreeably but Faith gives me an odd look. "I uh... gotta go meet B for patrol."

And just like that Faith is gone.

A touch of déjà vu here. I stare out the open door Faith ran out and then back at Amy's matching confused look. What just happened? All this over a door?

Damn it! I forgot to give her an emergency kit.

I sigh. "I'll be down in the Lab cleaning up the mess Kakistos made."

---Winters Residence---

I knock on the door. A loud thump answers.

"Faith? You okay in there?"

The door opens. A disheveled Faith, still struggling with her blanket cocoon stares at me. "I'm fine." She's a better liar than Amy, I'll give her that at least.

"You coming down to breakfast?"

"It gonna be orange again?" She seems somewhat hung up on that.

"... some of the fruit loops may indeed be orange."

"...Okay. I'll be down in a bit." Her voice sounds a bit flat. I hope she's not still upset about the door.

"Don't take too long. We leave for school in 30."

"Right. School. Okay." The door closes and I hear Faith shuffling around.

...huh.

I really expected more resistance there. I didn't even have to mention that it was a part of getting her emancipation to go through.

---Sunnydale High - Hallways---

"Faith! Hi!" Our entry into the school is brought to an abrupt halt by a blonde missile impacting my Sister. "It's good to meet you."

For her part, Faith seems a bit shocked at being hugged by Harmony.

In her defense, I'm more than a touch confused by Harmony having any idea who Faith is.

"The shit just happened?" Faith asks as Harmony, hug delivered, wanders off to do... whatever it is she does between tasks.

With me lost in thought, Amy picks up the conversation instead. "You just met Harmony."

"That. Was Harmony? B and Red made her sound like-"

"A bitch? Yeah, they still don't really get along very well. But she's really mellowed out this year. Unicorns sneezing glitter, remember?"

I'm still pondering what I could have done to produce that reaction in Harmony when we reach the principal's office.

---Winters Residence---

I look at the newly installed door. It's nice. Sturdy. Made of metal so it won't-

"Amy!"

"What!?" comes the answering yell from upstairs.

"Did you ever figure out how to do fire suppression on a house!?"

"Of course I did! What did you think I was doing while Harmony was painting everything?" Amy appears at the top of the staircase looking slightly peeved.

Honestly..? I was busy hunting up test subjects and didn't give it much thought. I can't imagine that would go over very well though. "I don't know... Enjoying the view?" Amy rolls her eyes at me wanders off, back to whatever she's working on up there. On the plus side I can stop worrying about Amy's pyro-kinesis practi-

"Amy's not gay." Faith sounds rather insistent, yet confused.

"GAH!" Gods damn it Faith! I've gotten entirely too used to having my tattoos buzzing constantly if you could just sneak up on me like that. "No- I don't think she is anyway. Why? Would it be a problem?"

"No... I just thought you two were boinking."

"...No." Although- Fire bad! Waking up on fire extra bad.

---Winters Residence - Atrium---

"Going out patrolling tonight with Buffy?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. Take this with you then."

"... what is it?"

"Emergency kit. This is an Epi-Pen I reloaded with enough magic green goop to either fix, or at least stabilize most injuries. Try not to get yourself cleaved in half, but otherwise it should help. This is a road flare because... well the usual reasons. There's also some Excedrin and this thing here sends out a page letting us know you're in trouble. Then it acts as a homing beacon so we can come help you. Amy and I are still working on how to get it to work underground, but I don't see Buffy being overly enthused about showing you anything deeper than the sewers anyway."

Faith stares at the little metal tube with an odd expression, before bolting out the door with a hurried wave. Damn. It's been two days and I'm already running low on ideas for how to convince her I care.

I continue pondering as I make my way down into the lab. At least now I probably don't have to worry about her running into Finch and having her little heroic BSOD moment. Maybe I could try some manner of sibling bonding activity? She and Amy seem to enjoy playing Mario Kart.

Picking up the Glove from where Amy and I left it in the safe after our discussion following her little break down, I set off into the caves. Maybe I can find something to vent my spleen on while I'm searching for that stupid orb thingy Mayor Wilkins wants.

---Sunnydale High - Library---

While Giles is polishing his glasses for the third time, and trying to find a way to mention that Mog'tagar Demons both fit a lot of what they know about me, and also... have no soul.

Inconvenient that, or so I'm told. I don't really seem to find it a challenge. Perhaps mildly concerning in light of my newly discovered theological information, but I have two decades of father assuming he didn't have one either to fall back on. I do find the idea of being an alien has kind of grown on me though. I blame Mother. She started it. While waiting on Giles, I eavesdrop on Buffy and Faith who've paused their sparring to talk.

"Ya know, Principal Snyder warned me to stay away from you."

"He what!?"

"Yeah. Seemed to think you'd be a terrible influence on me." Strange. Faith's usual mocking laughter and bravado are out in full force. It's really kind of night and day between Faith here and Faith at home.

"That- URGH!" Oh. I love it when she makes that face.

...Wait, what was that, Giles? "Oh. Uh. No... I don't think I've ever teleported. I can't say I can recall ever trying though." Why does that make both Xander and Willow look so upset? Did he just mutter something about Nightcrawler?

---Sunnydale Warehouse District---

"Okay. Dude. That was fuckin creepy."

I pause in tossing the room the group of fledges were staying in. It proved to be a fantastic a warm up exercise for our newly expanded trio and finally seemed to be a bonding activity Faith wasn't weirdly skittish about. Err... until now. "What was creepy?"

"That laugh." Faith clarifies. Ah. That.

I summon up my best faux innocent voice. "What laugh?" What could you possibly be talking about?

"Faith. I told you, he doesn't even realize he does it. Here, I brought that tape recorder so we could show him." Well this ought to be hilarious, come now Amy, you can't expect to play these games properly if you don't want to know about the gross stuff.

Amy takes out said recorder and presses play. Faith and Amy stare at it in consternation when my side of the last 10 minutes is completely absent.

I shrug. "I don't hear any laughter." I grin at Amy. Amy glares back at me.

...

"... Do I want to know why you don't show up on the tape?"

"Depends. How do you feel about needles, blood, and sex?"

"...That's a no then." Well, I tried.

"Okay." I stick my tongue out at Amy. She responds in kind at the same time. Awesome.

"You guys are fuckin weird. You know that right?"

"Of course. But you love us anyway." I hope.

"...Yeah." She does a decent job of sounding happy for someone who's eyes suddenly look so sad. What's wrong, Sis?

 

[Aetheron]

---Winters Residence - Map Room---

I'm crossing off the sections I checked last night on the map when I hear the front door open in the other room. Who could that be?

"Hey guys! I found this and just had to buy it for you." That's... Harmony's voice? What could she possibly- "Anyway, I gotta go, I'm meeting Cordelia for coffee before school." Did Harmony just drive-by-gift her something?

The sound of the door closing again just barely precedes Faith's, "What just- The hell is this?" Yeah. That. Faith sounds as confused as I am.

"I think it's a hippogryph." Uh...

"Oh, like Buckbeak in those books you gave me?" Amy has Faith reading Harry Pot- Harmony bought her a hippogryph!? I start towards the living room to investigate. You never know for sure with Harmony and shopping.

"Yeah... Just go with it. Harmony's been doing stuff like that for a while now. I have a stuffed Cerberus in my room she got me."

Oh... Stuffed animals.

That's... That is far less concerning and makes way more sense. Also much more Harmony. "If you don't want it-"

"Back off! Mine." Faith's angry tone is spoiled by her laughter...

Well at least Faith's getting along with Amy. She still seems to get little awkward when I try to hang out with them. And trying to spend any time with her, just the two of us, still makes her bolt. Not that she ever acts like there's anything wrong, she just suddenly needs to be elsewhere. Makes doing the whole sibling bonding thing kind of hard.

Urgh... I paraphrase the great Mary Cooper for the umpteenth time, "you have to take your time with Faith." Damn it. At least Sheldon was fucking consistent about his quirks. Err... okay, that's not really true at all is it.

---Sunnydale High - Hallways---

Amy puts her hand on my shoulder and gives me a curious look as I slow my walk to math class to suck in a deep breath.

"Something wrong?"

"Nope. Nothing new anyway." That Pete guy is just finally starting smell strange from using his rage potion is all. Which means that Grandfather and his prison warden Liam will be home soon.

Well... then again it's not quite even October yet, and the next episode was about Homecoming which is in November... so 'soon' might not be the right word. TV show time and real life don't seem to like mapping together easily.

Hmmm... Debbie doesn't have a black eye yet. And, come to think of it, I think I saw Buffy flirting with Scott, though I couldn't summon the care to look into it at the time. And... nope. Still can't. "Let's get to class."

---Winters Residence - Map Room---

I stare at the wall sized map. If nothing else, and even with all the frustration it's causing me, I still think having an accurate map of the local cave systems makes taking the job worth it. The fact that Mayor Wilkins somehow stripped off the cipher before having it printed up for me... surprises no one.

"Hey. Any luck with that job for the Mayor?"

"Lots. All of it bad unfortunately. How was your night out with Harm-"

Black hair! Crap! Amy's finally snapped. I probably should have noticed something was off when she said she was going to go hang out with Harmony. But I- wait... she smells like the blu-ette chick at the coffee... Is that just hair dye?

Her eyes... okay. No blackout eyes. Amy just dyed her hair.... I hope.

"You don't like it?" Sad Amy-face.

Oh for fucks sake. Even if I didn't is any guy dumb enough to say that out loud? "Actually, you look good as a brunette. It's just... uh... dark witches' hair sometimes turn that color spontaneously."

Happy Amy turns into skeptical Amy in record speed. "And that's a problem because why Mr. Crazy Vampire?"

"Because by the time their hair does that on its own, the witch is usually well past the point of being insane, and has moved on to trying to set the world on fire?" I have mentioned how I feel about fire right?

"...oh." And we're back to sad Amy.

"But it looks great! You should keep it. It's very... young Bellatrix LeStrange."

"Who?" Oops.

Er... Why do I know what Bellatrix LeStrange looked like as a teenager? "Eh... not important. You look good. That black tank top is a nice touch too." Amy's smile could light up the room, so I'm guessing I correctly identified the new article of clothing.

...

I do find it strange that Harmony let her out of the store with that much black. She's usually all about the happy colors and unicorns lately.

---Winters Residence - Lab---

"Okay. What is this thing and why is it so fuckin' heavy?"

"This..." I pause as the refrigerator sized capacitor almost slips out of my fingers. "Is either the best damn mana battery I could find on the open market... Or a multi-thousand dollar paperweight made primarily of metal, which is, as you said, fuckin' heavy."

A paperweight so heavy I need Faith's help just to move it down the staircase to the lab.

"Just try not to fry every fuse in the neighborhood again."

"Yes, Dear." I roll my eyes at Amy where she's holding the door. She doesn't seem properly chastised for some reason.

The capacitor slips a bit again. Towards Faith this time. "Hey! Watch it! I need those fingers! They're the only set I get." She gripes angrily. It's nice hearing her speak without that odd flattening to her tone she's been doing a lot lately, even if it's because she's pissed at me.

"Amy... we did explain about the green goop right?"

"...What are you people talking about?" Maybe I wasn't clear enough?

"That emergency kit I gave you. The orange tube thing is loaded with stuff that can eventually regrow your entire arm, let alone something minor like fingers."

"You were serious about that!?"

"Yes, Faith. Of course I was. You're my Sister. I'm not going to let some pesky little thing like dismemberment keep you down." I mean, duh.

Faith does that thing where she gets oddly quiet again after that. Gods. Damn. It.

---Winters Residence - Lab---

Project Bloodspark - September 22nd - Attempt 2: Stupidly Giant Capacitor– Conclusions

• After charging a day, capacitor was able to yield up enough power to run tattoos for half of that.
• Forgetting to disconnect capacitor from the house prior to conducting power draw test still blows all fuses in the house, but not the local transformers.

I reset the fuse box before Amy has a chance to notice. Looks like I'm ordering another of these guys. Actually, make that two more. Better to have extra juice left over for when one of those random pulses hit.

Now that I think about it I haven't felt one of those since around the time school started. Strange.

Speaking of school. Should the girl's have woken up by now?

...

Alarm clocks. Damn.

---Google's Offices---

The urge to fidget, or spin around in my chair, is nearly overwhelming. Google's staff meetings generally go over my head when they're about computer related things. Employment issues? Good gods I don't care. I haven't the foggiest notion how human resources works outside of the depictions in Dilbert, and I can't imagine anyone wanting to emulate those.

Faith is acting weird and I don't know why. I think it's when I mention her being my Sister that she gets awkward... But I thought she wanted a family. Urg, I need this meeting to end so I can drive home and get back to work on the important things in life. Maybe Faith is having trouble adjusting to the whole attending school thing? She seemed to be settling in fine, I could probably have Harmony look into making sure she's not having trouble getting along with the other kids.

...

Wait... didn't they come up with that oddball idea with the billboards at some point?

I raise my hand. "Eric, one question..."

---Sunnydale Caverns---

"Why!" THUNK! "Won't!" THUNK! "She!" THUNK! "LET!" THUNK! "ME!" TH-EEEECH!

I stare from the now snapped in half aluminum baseball bat. "...Love her..?"

To the long since dead demon's body. "And you were no help!"

I sigh. I guess Mr. Wells was right. I'm going to need to order her a custom baseball bat for Halloween. Something tougher than fucking aluminum.

I toss the pieces into my backpack and call it a quits on the night's spelunking.

...Maybe I should ask Bats for advice? He's got experience dealing with broken slayers.

---Winters Residence - Kitchen---

I sip at my glass of lemonade and stare at the sunrise while breakfast cooks.

Useless yellow lump that it is it starts a fight with my ring over the state of my retinas instead of providing any inspiration as to why my Faith is malfunctioning. I glare at it defiantly, relishing the sensation, as I ponder what to do now. Xander's advice of 'talk to her' would be lovely if she'd just stop running away when I try.

I don't know if it was my thinking about her or the smell of bacon and coffee that summoned her, but in what is becoming a distressing pattern Faith's voice chirps up in what I thought was an empty room. "I'm sorry. I know I should have told you earlier, but I just wanted it to be true. I'm not the girl you think I am." I spin around to see Faith, eyes downcast. "I called mom and asked, but she ain't never had a kid before me." That woman can work a telephone? "This is all some sort of mistake." What the actual fuck? "I'm not your sister. I'm sorry I let you think I was, but I'm not... I'm... just a... mistake." Oh. I am going to rip that woman's still beating heart out and eat it in front of her.

"You are not a mistake!" Faith's head jerks up as the sound of glass shattering echoes through the kitchen. "Don't you ever say that." Faith's eyes flicker to my slightly stinging hand. "You are not some girl whose name I plucked out of a fucking hat! You are Faith Dormer." Faith stares at me wide eyed. "You are the Slayer Mother made. You are my Sister, and you will never be a fucking mistake to me!"

At some point I must have crossed the kitchen, because I'm barely 2 feet away from her. My entirely breathing is heavy with irritation despite being unnecessary now that I'm not speaking. Faith and I stare at each other nearly eye to eye, neither of us moving or speaking for a moment.

"He's right you know. Having you here has been pretty great." Amy, fucking amazingly wonderfully timed Amy, staggers sleepily into the kitchen to interrupt our momentary staring contest.

Faith's stare flickers to Amy's smile and then back to me. Eyes still wide, heart rate amped up.

Amy looks over to me and her smile fades, replaced by her exasperated Amy-face. Gods Damn It! Now what!? My tongue flickers idly over my fangs as I try to figure out what could possibly be wrong now.

...Oh...

Shit.

 

[Aetheron]

---???---

Everything hurts.

...

Yup. Everything. Moving in particular.

I think someone is kicking me in the head?

Kick. "You awake yet?" Kick. Why is Amy yelling? Make it stop.

I try to say something. I think I managed to groan at least.

The kicking stops. "Here, drink this." Amy yells in my ear.

I open my eyes. I close my eyes. Why is the map room so bright?

...

Why am I in the map room?

I drink some of my warm lemonade. The bizarre dull ache in my everything dims. Somewhat.

I sit up. It feels like a monumental achievement worthy of heroic ballads. Yeah. I'm definitely in the map room. "What happened?"

"You mean besides Faith staking you? In the heart. Again. Or breaking the kitchen table? Or, I don't know, almost hitting me with that chair she threw at you?"

...

That doesn't really explain... Hmmm. "...Yes? Besides that."

Amy huffs. "Well. After Faith got done kicking the crap out of you while you just kind of stood there... which was retarded by the way. You guys somehow decided that drinking your way through those bottles of scotch you found that were older than either of you was a fantastic plan."

I stare at Amy. I take another sip from my lemonade. Nope. That still makes no sense.

"Did I have a concussion when we decided this?"

"Probably? She did hit you with that chair. A concussion would explain a lot actually."

"...Where is Faith?"

An annoyed look takes up residence on Amy's face. "Faith. Is passed out on the couch. Can't you hear her?"

...

All I hear is- "That noise is Faith!?"

"Yup." Amy pops the P extra obnoxiously.

"You sound upset. Is something wrong? Errr... Beyond the obvious?"

Amy huffs out something unintelligible.

"I'm sorry, not even my hearing could quite catch that. Care to try again."

"She beat me at Mario Kart."

"... I'm sorry? What?"

"After drinking you under the table, and calling you a 'fuckin lightweight' I might add, she staggered into the living room and challenged me in Mario Kart. While drunk. She won and then passed out on the couch as soon as the race ended. ... I think she's actually a better driver while smashed."

"Well..." I take another sip on my lemonade.

"And she's been snoring. Like that. Ever since."

"I see."

"You don't remember any of this do you?"

"I think I remember being staked. Then... there was yelling. And maybe crying? We did cover that I likely had a concussion yes?"

Amy rolls her eyes at me. "The school called by the way. We all have the flu."

"We do?" That makes even less sense...

"That's what I told them." Oh.

"They let you get away with that?"

"I told principal Snyder that we most likely caught it from 'that Buffy girl' and that he may want to have her sent home in case she's still contagious. I may have made his week. I feel kind of weird about that."

"... that man has a lovely hobby."

"He really does."

---Winters Residence - Kitchen---

Amy and I sit in what used to be the kitchen. An exaggeration, but only mildly. Faith can be a bit of a hurricane when she's pissed, or so I gather from looking around at the wreckage.

Little snippets of memory flit through my mind as I sip at my lemonade while Amy explains what I'm missing. My headache is ebbing, finally. Sadly it's replaced by bafflement.

"So... she thought- But it takes a couple days for a vampire to get turned. When was I supposed to have been buried?"

"Oh. Right. Because everybody just magically knows that." Amy rolls her eyes and gives me the 'you're ridiculous' look again. "Believe it or not, most people don't conduct studies on how long it takes to vamp a corpse." Okay. Point. I mean, that's not what I was testing but Amy won't likely care about the distinction.

"Okay and then... She thought I was a vampire that had replaced me spontaneously... and now I get fuzzy again."

"Well, then she started screaming obscenities and brained you with a chair so I guess that makes sense."

"Ah. Okay. I assume something eventually got her to stop hitting me?"

"Yeah... I think it was a combination of you laying there in the sunlight, continuing to babble on her being your Sister instead of fighting back that made her short out. Did you know that you do that weird voice thing even while half delirious?"

"What weird voice thing?"

"Your accent shifts briefly when you say things referring to your... relatives."

"Huh... I hadn't really noticed. Probably Mother's doing. Oh, wow. I think I heard it that time."

"Uh huh." Amy nods at me. "Oh! That reminds me. Who're the Lannisters?"

"Hello, Left Field. Nice to meet you. Have you seen a segue anywhere?"

"Ha fucking ha. You started rambling about them drunkenly after you and Faith decided you must have turned on the same day she was activated."

"We're twins!?" That's awesome!

"Oh no! Do not start that again."

"... I assume we were enthusiastic this morning?"

Amy's lidded stare speaks volumes.

---Winters Residence - Atrium---

Faith wakes up thirsty, but without a hangover somehow.

I suspect the Slayer essence cheats.

She seems friendly enough.

My hopes for everything working out soar.

She watches me suspiciously when she thinks I'm not looking.

I suspect she doesn't understand all the implications of my lack of reflection in more than just mirrors.

She stares at the back of my head with a strange expression while I'm pretending to look out a window.

I smile at her.

She smiles without it reaching her eyes.

I try to talk to her.

She still calls me Jack.

My hopes imitate the Hindenburg.

She goes out for patrol with B, says she'll be back later. Back. Not home.

I go down into the caves to vent my frustrations on the locals.

---Sunnydale Caverns---

Damn. A dead end.

I stare at the cave in before me.

It feels distressingly metaphorical for my current situation with Faith.

I pull out my map. Well... that blocks off those sites.

Maybe over here?

---Sunnydale Caverns---

It seems my limited ability with the Glove does not meet the required power of 'a tazer designed to knock out an elephant.'

I run through the tunnels back towards home.

How did those idiots make their way down there? Maybe there's another, shorter, path down from the surface?

Behind me the Nezzla Demons eventually give up on the chase. I guess not even failing to properly knock one out with a lightning bolt can motivate them to abandon their guard duty.

Well. I found some orbs. Not the orb the Mayor wants be to find. But certainly helpful.

I just need to... hmmm... I'm low on goop to be having Amy regrow an arm again.

They were able to skin the thing with that knife, so it can't be puncture proof.

I could use some sort of high caliber armor piercing rounds?

...

"Damn it, Wilkins." Why must you hate such useful tools?

...Maybe some manner of oversized ice-pick?

Either way, I've finally found a way to avoid any future Kakistos incidents.

...The things we do for Family.

Faith.

---Winters Residence - Map Room---

I'm sitting in the map room, trying to focus on how to retrieve the Orbs of Nezzla'Khan.

It's not proving to be a terribly successful distraction without a Nezzla Demon chasing me.

I can hear Faith come home. She seems far more relaxed from what I can tell. Happy.

I can't even manage to summon up irritation over feeling like I owe Buffy a favor for that.

I hear Faith and Amy talking in the living room, but the words are muffled by the door.

The door opens and I look up at Faith. She smiles, for the first time it seems like it reaches her eyes.

"Yo, J, Amy and I are gonna play some Mario Kart. You in?"

"That sounds fantastic."

I suspect the sun is hiding from me on the other side of the planet because it knows my smile would put it to shame right now.

 

[Aetheron]

***POV BUFFY***

---

---Sunnydale High - Hallways---

"Yes, really! ...Why do you need to know my shirt size anyway?"

But Harmony is already walking away... and talking to Andrew Wells? What with the what? Are they laughing together?

...

Oh, God, that's creepy!

Principal Snyder is smiling. At me. This has to be a sign of the apocalypse.

"Ah, Miss Summers. I'm afraid you'll have to be going home."

"What? Why?"

"We've received a complaint that you may still be contagious. We can't have your plague infecting the other students now can we?" WHAT PLAGUE!?

"But I'm not-"

"Ah ah. Off you go now. Your teachers have been notified."

...

Well fine then.

I should probably go tell Mr. Platt I won't make it to our session today.

Halfway down the hall to his office I hear... loud yelling? And then some sort of loud crash.

I'm sprinting forward before I even realize I recognize the voice.

Is that Pete yelling about Debbie?

The door is open when I get to Mr. Platt's office. Mr. Platt is lying unconscious on the floor.

Woah. Hello Mr. Veiny Demon. You do not get to beat up people in my school.

...

Is that Pete!?

---Sunnydale Woods---

"... And then Giles finally managed to shoot him with the tranquilizer again. They ended up taking him away to the psych ward. It's just weird you know? Scott's been his friend for years, and never noticed he was turning into this rage monster and going all 'GRR! ARG!' on people." I finish telling Faith about my crazy day. It's nice having another Slayer in town. Even if she has been unusually quiet since showing up for patrol on my night claiming she needed to clear her head.

Faith Laughs. "Huh. Who knew school could be so... exciting?" Yeah... Where were you today? Principal-

"Oh! And! Then Principal Snyder still sent me home! Because apparently I might be contagious! Can you believe that little troll!?"

Faith just laughs at me. "I dunno B..." She goes quiet again for a moment as we start our loop through the woods. "Hey B? Can I ask you something?" She sounds uncomfortable.

"Of course. What are fellow one of a kind Slayers for?" Uncomfortable Faith is kind of giving me the wiggins. What makes miss 'slaying gets me hungry and horny' uncomfortable?

Faith stares at me for a moment. "Have you ever wanted something you know you shouldn't? But just wanted it so bad?" Um..?

"Are we talking like that fourth jelly donut here? Or like kicking Principal Snyder in the-"

My question cuts off when there's a crashing noise in the bushes and my world turns sideways as I get tackled by a snarling vampire.

I shove him off me and Faith grabs him immediately, slamming him onto the ground.

Faith and Angel start fight-

Angel!?

...

...

"Faith! No! Don't stake him!"

Faith pauses with her stake raised over Angel's unconscious body. "What's wrong B?"

"He's my- He's a... That's Angel. Just.. Please don't stake him."

"... Who's Angel?" Faith sounds confused, but she lowers the stake. Now...how do I explain Angel?

---Crawford Street Mansion---

"Thanks Faith." We step back from the wall that we manacled Angel to in the mansion.

"Hey, I've got your back."

"Really though. I don't know if I could have done this without you."

"I'm sure you coulda B. But you don't have to, you're not alone anymore." Faith pauses looking surprised, before muttering "We're not alone..."

I look around but I don't see anyone else here. "...You okay?"

Faith looks at Angel and then back to me. She shakes her head smiling. "Yeah. Five-By-Five, B." If you say so. But then, I'm not sure if I'm okay, so who knows.

"So. What was it you wanted to ask me anyway?" Anything to think about other than what I'm going to do now. How can I tell the others? Angel is back. But oh, by the way, he's turned into a snarling cave vampire.

Faith stretches out her arms. "Don't worry about it. I got it sorted." She nods at Angel. "He good here?"

"I think so? We can block the door up just in case, and I'll come by tomorrow to bring him some blood from the butcher. But, uh... Faith..?"

"Yeah?"

"You know you can't... Could you not tell anyone about this? I kind of want to break it to everyone... gently."

Faith snorts. "Yeah, yeah, because 'hey guys! My vampire ex that tried to end the world is back and all'... you know" Faith gestures in Angel's direction where he snarls, pulling against the chains. "Total mood killer right? Don't sweat it. Everyone's got their secrets right?"

"Thank you. I mean it."

"Like I said. Don't sweat it. Anyway, I should be getting... home. Tell your mom I say hi for me will you?"

As Faith walks out of the mansion happily, I can't help but feel like I've missed something.

I look at Angel again.

Xander is going to be all with the freakage.

And Giles... How am I going to tell Giles?

Willow. Definitely telling Willow first. Oh. Maybe she and Amy can find a way to make sure his soul is still in there?

...Jack is going to be insufferable when he finds out about this.

 

[Aetheron]

***POV Amy***

---

---Winters Residence - Kitchen : (Set after Amy's freakout in 20)---

"Only if you promise it won't be super gross."

"...Okay, in that case I can explain... maybe half of what I do." Of course you can. I bet it's even less than that.

"I can live with that."

"Okay so... about that ring of invisibility I think you mentioned-" Not this again...

"Jack. Even ignoring how absolutely terrifying the idea of you being able to turn invisible is, I just told you, it doesn't work that way."

"Which is truly a cause for great sadness. But what I'm trying to say is that that's not what I meant when I asked you to either hide, or make my ringinvisible."

Urgh. That's all you want? I found a way to do that weeks ago! I sigh. "Okay, fine. And the necklace?"

"Exactly what you thought. Decoy Number 3 is a distraction."

"...Number 3?" How many of these things do you need me to enchant? I start massaging my temples to ward off a migraine.

"Yeah, I named it. See?"

You... named... your necklace? Ah. Yup, it says Decoy #3 right on the back. With a smiley face sticking it's tongue out at me. "...Why?"

"Heroes, as a rule, have a few common flaws." He begins counting off on his fingers. "1. They're easily distracted by shiny objects. 2. If you show them three cups and ask them to pick which one has the ball under it, they tend to assume the ball both exists, and that it isn't in the palm of your hand. And 3... If you let three pigs loose in the school and number them 1, 3, and 4, they feel obligated to try and find number 2 even if they know it's probably a joke." Oh right. Because we're the villains. In a comic book. Uh huh.

...And he didn't actually answer my question. "What does any of that have to do with you being able to survive being staked, run around in daylight, and ignore thresholds."

"Everythi-" Jack pauses and stares at me like I have two heads. "I can't ignore thresholds."

"Really, cause you made it into Buffy's house just fine." I am not crazy one here damn it.

"...She invited us over for dinner. Standing invitation or something."

...

"Seriously?"

"According to the universe? Apparently it counts."

"That's fucking dumb."

"I've always felt the universe needs a better GM." He says it like a joke. But his gaze is focused on me, and he has his thinking face on.

"Okay. Stop that. Why do you freak out whenever I swear?"

Jack actually looks uncomfortable, which is alarming in and of itself. "You started doing it immediately after I spent about 24 hours rooting around in your head removing that curse. You also picked up a few of my other... quirks... at around the same time."

What exactly do you say to that?

It does explain why I haven't thought about my mother in... Goddess, I don't even know.

...

Huh. "I think I'm surprisingly okay with this."

Jack raises an eyebrow, but shrugs and moves on.

---Later---

Of course I had to ask.

Of course I had to ask the if there was anything else I should know.

It's not like I can exactly say I'm surprised that the Glove might have side effects.

And sure, the morphine makes everything feel pretty damn lovely.

But really Jack? You think 'kind of itchy' is a sufficient description of what this feels like?

More like dipped my arm in liquid poison Ivy. And that's with the morphine.

I hate re-growing limbs. The itchy part doesn't even exist yet to scratch!

Stupid Crazy Vampires and their stupid inborn pain thresholds.

---Winters Residence - Kitchen---

I pull the brownie pan out of the oven.

I can have these whenever I want now.

Mmmm... fresh brownie smell. I'm going to eat all of these and there's nothing anyone can do to stop me.

...

Except maybe me, because these don't taste right. Blech!

I stare at the brownie in my hand. This tastes nothing like the ones Willow and I used to gorge ourselves on at her house. Okay. Maybe I did most of the gorging.

"Ooh! You made brownies?"

I spin around and find Jack staring at a half eaten brownie. "Yeah..."

Jack's face looks a lot like Faith's did when she first saw her 'alien eggs.' "They're... uh..." Awww, my crazy vampire doesn't want to hurt my feelings. Suck it, Buffy. "Missing... something. Actually... Hmmm... I'll be right back." Jack walks out of the kitchen. Walks out. Flees in terror from my cooking. Same thing right?

I hear the front door open and close. Wow. I didn't think they were so bad he'd need to leave the house. And where is going that he needs to take the truck?

Damn it. The closest I've gotten to a reaction out of him since his sister ran away, and it's to make him run away.

...

I'm still staring at the brownie recipe when Jack returns with... Mrs. Bellevu?

Oh. Of course. Because apparently I can't even make my own god damn brownies.

...fuck it. I drop the pan of brownies in the sink and wait for Mrs. Bellevu to finish. I mean, her brownies are delicious.

---Sunnydale Magic Shop---

I'm looking through the new acquisitions in the Magic Store when an adorable little kitten winds through my legs.

"Kitty!" I pick the kitten up as it mewls at me. "And who are you here with?" I ask the cat. When I get no answer, because why would I, "Did anyone lose track of a kitten?"

"...Er... me? That's my kitten." A demon with droopy skin waves awkwardly at me. I think Giles's books said they're friendly? Well, 'non-hostile' I think the watchers call it. "Hi, I'm Clem."

"Hi. Amy. What's her name? She's adorable." I hand the kitten back to Clem.

"...I haven't given her a name... yet." The demon shuffles awkwardly, trying to hold onto the kitten and his bag of supplies.

"Oh."

"But thank you very much you for returning her to me. I've got to be going, I'm running late for dinner, but it was nice meeting you." Hands full, he bows his slightly and heads out of the store.

---Winters Residence - Kitchen---

I walk into the kitchen, searching for any left over coffee from this morning.

"Hey guys." I wave to Jack and Harmony.

Harmony has her arm out, Jack drinking from her wrist. She waves back with her other arm.

I pour the remaining half cup of coff-

...

Wait. I take a step back and look at the two of them again.

"What are you guys doing? Are you eating Harmony?" Finally!

"Isn't it great? I've lost 4 pounds since we started doing this." Err...

I stare at Harmony. I can't even...

I go to glare at Jack but he's stopped feeding to stare at Harmony. It looks like he can't even either.

...

"I just realized I don't care. Carry on. "

I escape with my coffee. There is entirely too much blood in my coffeestream to deal with this right now.

...

Damn it, Harmony! That's cheating!

---Sunnydale High - Library---

I take a sip of my Coffee. Oh coffee. How I love thee. Let me count the ways...

"SON OF A BITCH!" Jack's angry shout drags me back into reality.

Nothing's on fire, and Jack doesn't look pained. Just... surprised while he stares into a book. "What?" I ask. I miss coffee-land already.

"I think I know this girl."

"Really Jack? You know a goddess?" Huh... that does look like the photo he showed me of that tattoo artist. Emily was it? She... kinda looks like Faith. Same hair, same athletic build. Clearly Jack has a type.

"Yeah, she's an incredible lay." That's not even your I'm annoying Buffy voice, it's your fond memories voice. Damn it. "You okay there Amy? You look like you're choking." Oh. No. I'm fine. I just found out I'm competing with a fucking goddess.

"Coffee. Wrong tube. I'm okay." Uh huh. Really. I'm fiiiiine.

---Winters Residence - Atrium---

"...my complete adoration of Misty is really from the fact that she's like a complete tomboy, hyper violent and a powerful trainer and character in her own right. But then she totally will go completely starry eyed over romantic things or makeup or clothes but it doesn't ever take away other characteristics. She goes from oh it's so romantic to shut your face in the span of a sentence or less."

My excited rambling trails off. Jack clearly doesn't care. He's still wearing that distracted look he's had all week.

…

"Did I mention she hits people with Mallets?"

"…Misty hits people with Mallets?" He sounds way more confused than this statement warrants… odd.

"Uh huh!"

"… okay fine. We can reschedule Saturday training sessions so you can watch Pokémon." Yes!

---Sunnydale Mall---

I'm sitting in the food court staring at the box of hair dye I just bought while I eat my ice cream.

"You know Amy... You're not actually supposed to change who you are for a guy."

I blink at Harmony. Really? Harmony?

"I'm not." Harmony looks at me like I'm stupid. Harmony. "...I'm testing a theory."

"Right... A theory. What theory would that be?"

"Fine." I huff. "I'm testing my theory that Jack has a thing for brunettes. Are you going to help me dye my hair or not?"

"... oh sweetie... there are salons for that. Come on. Follow me." Suddenly the hair dye box is gone.

And apparently my life now includes being dragged through the mall by Harmony.

...

MY ICECREAM!

---Sunnydale Magic Shop---

"Hey, Clem. How's... is that a different cat?"

"Hey. Yeah. I won this one at the game last night."

"Game?"

"Oh yeah, a couple of us play kitten poker at Willy's on Mondays and Thursdays."

"Poker? For kittens?" I want kittens.

"Yeah..." Okay then.

"What time is this game?"

---Winters Residence - Kitchen---

I stagger towards the kitchen. Coffee and breakfast live there.

Ungh. Jack and Faith are having some kind of argument. I push the door open anyway.

"...You are my sister! And you will never be a fucking mistake to me!" Oh yes, of course 6 AM is the perfect time for this.

He does has a point though, I would never call having Faith here a mistake. "He's right you know. Having you here has been pretty great."

I smile at Faith and then turn to Jack to ask about the coffee.

...Jack's fangs are out, this can't possible end well. I look back at Faith.

Just in time to see Faith's fist haul back before she nails him right in the face.

...

Meh. Jack doesn't seem too concerned. He's not even fighting back.

Yawning, I take a seat on the counter, out of the way of the onesided brawl, and pour myself a cup of coffee.

On my fourth sip of caffeinated goodness a large piece of chair bounces off the counter near me. "Bad Faith! No throwing furniture!"

She's ignoring- okay, I guess breaking one over Jack's head wasn't technically throwing it... I refill my cup of coffee and seek shelter in the living room.

...

Is that the phone? I'm actually amazed I can hear it over the ruckus they're making.

I walk upstairs before answering. "Hello?"

"Miss Madison? Is there a reason you and your... house mates are not in school today?" Principal Snyder's voice answers. Of course.

Yes there is. My two idiot 'house mates' are busy destroying the kitchen. Okay. Sick Amy voice time! "Oh. Sorry, I meant to call. We all caught a bad case of some sort of flu." Erm... there's no way He'll buy that... oh! "We think we caught it from that Buffy girl. You might want to send her home in case she's still contagious. It's pretty horrible. "

"Well, I hope you all feel better for tomorrow. I'll inform your teachers you won't be in today." There's a click on the other end.

...

Wow. He really does sound freakishly happy when you feed him anything to use against Buffy.

Hmmm... It sounds like they stopped fighting. I should probably go let them know school is cancelled.

I open the kitchen door and see a pair of half empty bottles of scotch on the table.

...

I close the kitchen door again. I am not dealing with a drunk Jack and Faith at this hour.

---Willy's Bar - Back Room---

I lay down my cards on the table. "That pair is nice, but I have three Jacks!"

...

Errr...

Fortunately, the rest of the table is too busy groaning about losing to notice the expression on my face as I contemplate my phrasing.

I win! The box of kittens is mine.

...

Wait. Box of kittens? What am I supposed to do with a box full of kittens?

Ehhh.... with how Faith was acting before patrol tonight I doubt Jack will even notice.

 

[Mr Zoat]

Rude.
Though again, I started in the NSFW section where QQ is concerned.

Click to shrink...

It's a self-own.

 

[ThedudeManBro]

Jackie boy is the most entertaining friend-shaped wrecking ball I've read in the Buffy verse, Fite me.

 

[Aetheron]

---Winters Residence---

I go to follow Faith out to the living room when I'm brought up short by a strange smell.

Why does the living room smell like... that weird cat lady's house maybe? I take a deep breath.

Something about the current state of affairs bothers me. I'm not sure what or why. I don't think it's the kittens, but I will admit to being curious. "... why is there a box of kitten over in the corner?"

"I toldja he was gonna notice, Ames." Faith... She smells... it's familiar. Hmmm...

"Yeah yeah. You did." The pair of them begin setting up the N64 as if this settles the matter.

I can't help but feel that this is not answering my question. "Again. Why is there a box of kittens in the living room."

Amy gives me a half shrug. "...Because three of a kind beats a pair?"

That makes no-

...

Actually that tells me a lot. "So... you won tonight's game of kitten poker down at Willy's Bar?" I groan as the implications sink in. "Well. The local demon population will all know about you now... or at least the gossipy ones."

Amy looks alarmed. Finally. "Um. That's bad, isn't it?"

"Well... I'm not sure actually. Anything that looks into to you will probably notice that you live with a Slayer and a guy working for Mayor Wilkins. So they may leave you alone. But anyone looking to provoke either of us might come after you because you're just a human." I hate not knowing how things will play out from here. Damned butterflies.

"I just wanted a cat."

"Well, now you have a box of them... Actually... do you need the whole box of them for a ritual of some sort? Or was this just some sort of bizarre save the kitties from being eaten crusade?"

"Eaten!?" Wow. I got that in full stereo.

...

Oh girls... "Apparently a number of demons like the way the little bones crunch. Like a good pretzel..."

---Winters Residence - Kitchen : Breakfast---

"Jack!? You okay?"

...

"Huh?" I tune back into reality. Faith and Amy are staring at me from across the kitchen table. "What?"

"Are you okay? You kinda checked out on us there."

"Sorry. I feel a bit like the dog that caught the car you know? I have no idea what to do now." Heath Ledger did try to warn me this could happen...

"Well... maybe you could try answering the question Faith's tried to ask you 3 times now?" Oh. Oops.

"What's up, Sis?"

"Why do you eat eggs?"

"...Because they're delicious?" Why else would I eat them?

"But don't you need like blood and stuff?" DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!

"Yes?" I answer carefully. Amy starts giggling. Traitor.

"So do you drink pig's blood like... uh-" I stubbornly resist the urge to vomit and cut her off.

"Dear gods, no! That stuff's disgusting!" Amy's giggles turn into full blown laughter while she points at me.

...

Faith is laughing at me too... The hell?

"Tha- That's the face I was... telling you about!" Amy manages to force through her laughter.

"Yes. This is my face." Apparently this is cause for another round of giggles. "Someone want to clue me in here?"

"Faith asked me about your diet yesterday. I told her she should ask you about pig's blood. You make the most horrified face I've ever seen whenever it comes up."

"Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny. I'm serious. It's disgusting... imagine drinking long expired milk mixed with vinegar. Vom. Even the anti-coagulants the hospital puts in their blood packs aren't that bad."

Faith doesn't seem to appreciate how distressing I find the idea of drinking pigs blood to be. "So you get your blood from the hospital?"

"...mostly..." The hospital. A bunch of locals I've thralled. I was even drinking the results of project M until Kakistos felt the need to snap her neck on his way out of the basement. Fucker. Huh... It's been a while since I've had a proper hunt.

Faith's fork stops moving. "Mostly?" She stares at me intently.

Before I can formulate a safe response, Amy begins... stabbing at her eggs like she wants to murder them slasher flick style? "Mostly! It seems Harmonythinks having Jack bite her is a fantastic way to lose weight. It's cheating is what that is."

...

I'm sorry, what? At least Faith seems as baffled as I do now. "Uhhh... yeah. That. You okay there, Amy?"

---Sunnydale High - Hallways---

I'm walking to class while Harmony fills me in on the local gossip.

Apparently Pete had his little hulk out yesterday. Pity I missed it.

Hmmm... Also means Warden Liam ought to be in town again. I should probably avoid Buffy for a bit.

Speak of the Slayer. "Good morning, Jack!" Buffy is suddenly standing in front of me smiling at me and using a faux-happy voice. Combined with her new... uh... perfume... it's actually quite terrifying. I wonder if the vanilla mortals can smell that?

"Good morning, Buffy!" I answer right back in the same tone, shooing Harmony off to safety. She can finish her report later.

"You wouldn't happen to know why I came home last night and found my bedroom full of kittens would you?" She asks with that same smile and tone.

Well. I did promise Amy I'd take care of them in a way that wouldn't get them eaten. I adopt my best thinking face, tapping my chin with my finger. "Hmmm... You know, I left my door unlocked this one time and then suddenly my living room was just full of kittens. Personally I blame the highly concentrated witch population here in Sunnydale, they always seem to have pet cats. I don't suppose you by any chance left your window unlocked last night?" Like say while you were out on patrol with Faith?

I wait for Buffy to look like she's about to respond before shouting. "Principal Snyder!" I walk away from Buffy, waving as I go. "I wanted to thank you for being so understanding about yesterday."

Judging from the expression on Buffy's face... Yeah. Definitely giving the weekly meeting a miss this time. I think I'll blame the full moon and suggest they all get some extra sleep. Clearly stuffing them full of food and water just before delivery was an excellent decision. I wonder how Willow faired with her share of the batch?

I still think it's odd that every member of the Scooby gang has a conveniently placed tree by their window for easy delivery. I mean, it's almost as if this town were designed to... oh. Right.

It was.

---Sunnydale Memorial Hospital---

"Good morning, Dr. Walsh."

"Ah. Mr. Winters. Right on time. We have a busy day today."

"Oh?"

"We have a new patient. Appears to have suffered a steroid induced psychotic break."

Interesting. I haven't had a chance to test out chemical effects on Thrall yet. "I'm ready when you are." I follow Dr. Walsh down the hall.

"The patient's name is Peter Clarner. He was brought in yesterday after an altercation at Sunnydale High. We currently have him restrained and sedated for both his own and the staff's safety."

Hmmm... I guess I missed more than I thought at school yesterday. It seems the butterflies kept Pete alive this go round.

Ah well, since I doubt setting the local Butterfly Gardens on fire would help, I suppose I may as well make the most of it.

It's a pity it seems I'll have to settle for the moronic junky incarnation from the George Clooney era, but still.

Welcome to Arkham Asylum, Mr. Bane. Let's have a look in that little mind of yours.

Ooookaaay. And I thought Harmony's cabling was tangled up. What did you do, rewire everything in here to lead to... anger?

...

Actually that explains a lot.

... I don't suppose you remember the formula in here somewhere do you?

---Sunnydale Caverns---

You know. For mini-boss guardians of an important treasure, the whole moving slowly thing is kind of a giant exploitable flaw. Your design team should all be shot.

SWING! I bury the steel mining pick in the Nezzla Demon's chest as it lumbers around to face me.

Oh. Yes. That is so much more satisfying than tazing you.

I duck the thing's attempt to punch my face in. Clearly that part of its chest is not where it keeps the vital stuff. Huh. I rip the pick out and try again.

Sigh. Not there either. Where do you keep your damned heart?

...

I'm an idiot.

I bury the pick in the Nezzla Demon's skull. Brains are important too. I'm sure the Nezzla Demon would agree with that if it weren't busy lying on the ground gurgling out it lasts breaths right now.

Now... where is that buddy of yours that spawns after I steal the orbs hiding?

---Later---

I tap on the force-field thing with my pick idly. I wonder how long this thing has been active. Was it made by the Nezzla Demons? Or did they just set up shop here because of it?

I'll have to come by and check on it to see if it's still up and running later. I turn back to the task at hand.

Did you know that skinning a Demon and turning it into a suit is complicated?

I strongly suspect one of the Moron Trio must have known a spell to do it.

I do have a jar of Nezzla Blood to feed to a fledge sometime though. So there's that.

I think the only reason this is even remotely doable is that it seems more like a carapace than skin. It holds its shape remarkably well as I... pull... aha! One femur removed from the leg.

---Later---

Unable to find the source of the force field I pull the wooden box into the Nezzla Suit with me and step back through. Maybe Amy can magic detect for it?

Okay. So. I have the box with the orbs in it. Awesome.

I do not have one of Mr. Mears's fancy unlocking magi-tech tools to break the seal though. Not Awesome.

Well, I guess Amy has a new project since smashing the box would certainly break the orbs.

I'm also reminded that I should also probably make sure Mr. Wells is staying on task for Halloween.

Placing the box in my backpack, I immediately fail my will save vs. the perfectly reasonable urge to whistle 'it's off to work we go' as I start the hike back home with my pick on my shoulder.

I can start working my way through that cave in tomorrow.

---Winters Residence - Kitchen : Breakfast---

"Why do you call it lemonade?" Faith doesn't appear suitably impressed with my naming conventions. Her nose crinkled slightly as she watches me drink my morning glass.

"Because my first thought when I had some was that it was like drinking warm lemonade. It's not horrible, just very clearly not how it's meant to be drank." I shrug.

Faith goes to open her mouth but Amy cuts her off. "Don't. The answers only get more gross and make less sense as he goes on."

...

Well she's not wrong...

---The Bronze---

Man plans. God Laughs. Then Woman drags us off to The Bronze. Apparently there will be no digging in the caves tonight.

Dancing badly to horrible 90's garage band music is interrupted by Faith... holding Amy's hand to my chest while they both stare at me wide eyed?

...

"Now what's wrong?"

"You have a heartbeat!"

"Well, yeah... Of course I do. Me not having one bothered Amy so I-"

So I apparently don't get to tell my story because Buffy barrels in and interrupts me. Yes, Buffy, let's all focus on your probl-

"Xander's been kidnapped!"

...

Oh what the shit, Bats. It's not even Tuesday.

 

[Aetheron]

---Sunnydale Alleyway--

Standing outside The Bronze I fight off the early symptoms of a stupidity induced migraine while Willow recounts the sad tale of Batso's disappearance.

"We saw Christine leave with this vamp and we went to save her. And Buffy was all with the slayage while we watched her back. And- And then this truck drove up and a guy in a cowboy hat grabbed Xander and shoved him in the truck. They drove away before we could stop them."

Guy in a cowboy hat? Gods save us from Lyle Gorch's idea of a 'plan.'

...

And from Scoobies who stand around to cheer-lead at the open end of an alley, forgetting to look behind them.

"I don't suppose Oz can track Xander's scent?" For the number of odd looks he gives me he can clearly smell something. It may just be Buffy though.

"Not in a speeding truck, no." Good to know.

"Well, how do you people usually find Xander when he goes missing?" It happens a few times a season after all and he hasn't kicked it yet. Not that realizing that would calm them down. No, of course not.

---Sunnydale Roadways--

I glance in the rearview mirror at Buffy, who opted to come with us in the truck for some unfathomable reason. She's... uh...

"Buffy? What are you doing back there?"

"Making sure there's no grenades." Oh for the love of all the gods.

"There are no grenades back there. I put them away in the gun safe with the shotgun."

"...You have a shotgun?" Oops. I grin at the sight of Buffy in the mirror glaring at the back of my head.

"Sorry, no. I didn't bring it. It's in the gun safe, where any responsible adult keeps their guns. Can't have any of the kiddies getting into it." I point my thumb over my shoulder back at Faith.

Faith laughs. "Yeah, J's got all sortsa fancy crap labeled things like 'Faith: Do not touch. It might explode.' back home." I see her roll her eyes grumpily in the mirror. Hardly my fault that Amy instinctively knows better.

Buffy continues glaring at me while Amy turns around in her seat. "Faith. Say that again."

"...J's got all-"

Amy cuts Faith's repetition off. "Mr."

"What?" Faith's puzzled expression is matched by my own.

Amy elaborates, "Say Mr. J." Oh... Yes! Say it!

"Mistah J?" Oh! That was perfect.

Amy faces forward again, groaning. "Wow... she really does sound like Harley." Amy doesn't seem properly enthused about this, and is... muttering about feeding the hyenas? Oh. I forgot about those. Good call. I'll need to look into that. Can I thrall wild animals? I add it to The List.

"I did tell you." Multiple times now in fact.

"The fuck are you guys talkin about?" uh oh. Irritated Faith.

"Halloween. We're getting you a Harley Quinn costume." Well said Ivy.

Buffy has begun beating her head against the back of my chair. "Not a fan of Halloween, Buffy?"

"Not lately, no." I roll my eyes at her. Honestly, you should have picked a better costume than a helpless noblewoman. I mean really? Hadn't you everspoken to Grandfather's keeper? Under aged tavern wench would have worked much better.

"Should I cancel the order for a Kar- Zor-El costume then?" Buffy perks back up. Is it my fault if I coughed on the second syllable and let her assume I meant Karen instead of Kara? I can't see how it would be. Either way I roll right over any chance of questions. "Amy's going to be Poison Ivy. Oh! Buffy! I'm not sure who to have Oz be. Any thoughts? Sadly Wolverine is the wrong company." Nightwing maybe?

Lost in thought by my own distraction for Buffy I'm blindsided by Faith's question. "Who's Harley Quinn?" How the-

Nope. "Not Okay, this needs fixing immediately. We are going to watch the batman cartoon as soon as I find us a copy." Mr. Wells must have the show on... err... would it still be cassettes? Blech!

---Outside Willy's Bar---

I stare Buffy down. Or is that stare down at Buffy? "No."

"What do you mean, No?" That's an irritated eye twitch! Ten points to Winter.

"I'm not having you teach Faith your bad habits."

"I don't have bad habits!"

"Really? So you're not planning to go in there and beat the information out of Willy?" I point at the bar across the street for good measure.

"... you think you have a better idea?" Technically Batso had the better idea, I'm just using it.

Hell. I could just rip the information out of his head... maybe. Or I might accidentally turn him into a vegetable. Hmmm... might make the wrong impression. More importantly, how many chances will I have to pretend to be the better person in public? "Fifty bucks says I can get him to talk faster than you could."

"You're on."

"One moment please. You guys wait here." I wave cheerfully and set off towards Willy's Bar.

I grab a stool and put a pair of twenties on the bar, tapping them with my finger. I feel like a cliché but there's a reason it works."Willy! I'm looking for Lyle Gorch. You haven't heard anything about where he's holed up have you?" I nudge him a touch with Thrall. Wonder of wonders Willy doesn't qualify as important enough to merit the Mayor's mind shielding magic.

"Yeah, he was in here earlier. Mentioned that old abandoned warehouse down on Cinnabar." Gods, sometimes it feels there's more abandoned warehouses and factories in this town than occupied houses.

I press down when he reaches for the cash, pushing in with thrall when he looks up at me. "You're sure?"

"Yes." Sensing no deception from him I smile and stand up, leaving him his money.

"Cheers, mate. See you 'round."

I step out of the bar and find myself surrounded. Really people? "I gather the concept of 'wait here' was too complicated?" So much for not being seen in public with Buffy. Refusing to break stride I head off to the truck. "Anyone know where Cinnabar street is?"

"What did you do?" Buffy sounds suspicious. It's almost like she thinks I make a habit of being malicious or something. I note that she and the Scoobies do seem to be loading back into the van though, so clearly they do remember that there's still a Xander to save.

"I paid the local snitch for information." I throw in a shrug for good measure. "He's just some poor schmuck working a job like anyone else. I really don't see why you always feel the need to break his nose."

Buffy of course ignores my perfectly legitimate criticism and feigns confusion. "You paid him?" Overpaid really, but all I had was twenties because ATMs suck like that.

I turn on the brightest smile I can manage. "Not every problem needs to be solved with violence, Buffy. Also... technically... you paid him since you owe me fifty bucks now."

---Sunnydale Warehouse District--

Actual rescue operations are far more Buffy's thing it turns out. It's almost as if she has lots of practice at it...

Of course, if the local vampire population didn't consider the use of proper weaponry, or even just their brains, to be a cardinal sin of some sort, I suspect rushing headlong into the warehouse may have ended... badly. I'm reminded yet again that I'll need to keep Faith from picking up Buffy's bad habits. But there are just so gods damned many of them.

... I think I find it most insulting that she manages to pull it off regularly despite that. Who keeps turning these morons?

Still. You can't fault the girls for enthusiasm. Watching her and Faith tear into Lyle and Candy is certainly good fun, even if replacing a tired Cordelia with a fresh Faith makes it rather one sided. I can sorta understand why everyone tends to cluster around and watch in alleyways now.

That still doesn't forgive them for not paying enough attention to avoid being snuck up on. Again. I turn around and put a finger over Xander's lips when he approaches the group from behind.

The fact that he somehow managed to get himself free while we were tracking him down is just the icing on the cake of this whole adventure. He looks a bit beat up, but nothing serious.

I take a step away from the group and lean in to whisper, "How'd you get free?" Oz still catches it apparently since he looks back at us.

"Would you believe they forgot to tie me up? I walked away when they started arguing about honeymoon plans in the midst of questioning me." Xander shrugs, as if conveying this is nothing unusual. For him? It probably isn't.

"Those two? Yes I would." They didn't tie Giles up either. Oz's tugging on Willow and Cordelia's sleeve has them turning around to spot Xander as well now.

...Wait.

Honeymoon plans?

"Excuse me one moment." I opt to give the happy reunion of Bats and Babs a miss in favor of playing loot ninja.

Heading outside I find their truck parked in the alleyway nearby. Yes! There it is. One bag full of various denomination, non-consecutive bills. Granted, needing to launder them may need to be a bit more literal than usual, but you win some you lose some.

I suppose given that Lyle jumped the gun by 2 weeks I may as well plan on actually being forced to attend that damned dance.

Then again... if Faith was willing to go to the dance with Buffy, maybe I can get her to take Amy for me? Be a good opportunity to get some proper science done.

---Winters Residence - Atrium---

I stare at the black cat sitting on my couch.

Amy and Faith making sad eyes at me should not have moved me to let them keep one. Conduct unbecoming of a proper vampire that is. Well... Then again, I suppose William was never able to deny Mother anything either.

The black cat stares ba-

The black cat topples over into an impromptu nap. Err...

Backing away slowly I head down into the lab before either of the girls can finish their showers and confuse correlation with causation.

Being accurate this one time is no excuse for adopting poor scientific methodology.

Note to self: Housecats have less mental fortitude than even Harmony started with. I'm back to sandblasting soup crackers again.

Perhaps a trip to the zoo is in order... Hopefully hyenas are made of sterner stuff.

---Sunnydale Caverns--

Minecraft kind of undersells just how boring digging out a tunnel truly is. Particularly after the equivalent of a gravelanche. Not that much this is actually gravel.

Lift large rock. Move large rock. Put down large rock. Repeat ad nauseam. I somehow can't picture Faith being kosher with the idea of minions just yet, even if this is the perfect task for them.

My timer dings. Awesome. Time to get ready for school.

...

Ungh. This drudgery makes high school seem exciting. Plus side, I should be able to pick up those tapes from Mr. Wells and start Faith's education in Batman the Animated Series today.

Passing back in through the Lab's vault door I'm struck by the fact that the lights are on. I turned them off on my way out into the tunnels.

Strike that... there's a new lamp, currently on, in the corner of the lab.

Hmmm... some manner of grow lamp over a potted flower? A very strange looking flower.

The foot wide ceramic pot has weird silvery runes running around the rim. Strange choice of pot for such a small flower.

Ah. It's labeled. Let's see... 'Jack: Do not touch. It might bite. –Amy & Faith'

... huh. Fair enough.

 

[Aetheron]

---Sunnydale High - Parking Lot---

I pause, contemplating walking home from school and just abandoning Sheila to her fate.

I mean... she's already surrounded, clearly there's no hope.

But no... Faith and Amy are in that crowd surrounding my truck. And... now they're all waving at me. I should at least go see what's going on.

I resume my trek across the parking lot.

"Hey, Jack. I mentioned we were planning to watch Batman. X-man here," Faith slugs Xander on the shoulder. She is clearly still getting used to her own strength if the pained look crossing Xander's face is anything to judge off of. I almost even wince in sympathy, I've been on the receiving end of that myself during our sparring sessions.

I swear, you let a girl know your bones snap right back into place unbroken and she loses all sense of self restraint. And then she wonders why I don't want to practice sword work with her. Pity there's a distinct lack of martial arts studios in town. A proper instructor who isn't associated with the genocidal peeping toms and their silly rules would be lovely. I'll have to add it to The List along with finding Amy a magic tutor so we can stop faffing about blindly in the dark when it comes to our spellwork and magical research.

I tune back in as Faith wraps up her chain of who invited who. "... So I figured we could all do dinner and cartoons. Well, except for B... she said she needed... mom time." True enough, Joyce has been pretty... Eh, what the hell.

With a nod of my head to Xander, "I guess I can't rightly deny Batso a chance to see his own cartoon." I start towards the truck.

Err, Wait... wasn't something like 'mom time' Buffy-speak for awkward shirtless tai chi with Liam a few episodes from now?

Hmmm... I should probably add a proper family tree to Faith's education. Even if he is in time out, I can't have her staking Grandfather. Mother would be ever so distraught.

As I'm opening the driver's door I hear Xander ask, "...Did he just call me Batso?"

"Ah, my mistake. I do apologize, Mr. Wayne. I thought you sounded like The Batman for a moment there."

---Winters Residence---

Approaching the front door... I'm struck by an odd sensation. The house smells wrong. People have been here. Humans... I think?

I throw my arm out, nearly clothes lining Amy, and knocking her back into Faith. "Something's wrong." Amy's indignant protests cut off at the expression on my face.

The mystery machine pulls up in front of the house. Sigh. Of course this happens on the day we're having company over.

I point at the arriving Scoobies. "Keep them back away from the house. It smells like we had company while we were at school. No doubt the house is full of... surprises."

Unlocking the door and pulling it open from outside direct line of fire, I'm almost disappointed when there's no explosion or blast of gunfire. Almost.

Peeking around the door frame, nothing seems obviously out of place. Except that the strangers' smells are inside the house too. Urngh!

I tell the crowd now gathered by the van to wait a moment and take a cautious step into the house and off to the side. My tattoos start buzzing faintly. If I weren't keyed up and feeling for it, I'm not sure I'd have even noticed. It feels different than the itching tingling sensation that Faith gives me. More like how I feel in the... hospital maybe?

Damn. Someone installed cameras, or maybe some manner of listening devices. Unless... I move around a bit. No. It's too widespread for infrared trip wires. Thank the gods.

Well, nothing for it. A large number of spontaneous failures are about to occur in someone's equipment.

"Marco!" Instead of saying 'polo,' my tattoos' buzzing flares slightly. Listening devices then. A step to left, "Marco!" slightly stronger flare.

Great. I should probably go warn the others to stay out and then I get to play a rousing game of hot and cold with my tattoos... Joygasm.

I head outside. "I'm starting to think you people are cursed. I swear, every time you all come over something goes sideways."

---Winters Residence - Atrium---

I dump the remains of the five little devices that were upsetting my tattoos on coffee table whilst everyone files into the living room. "I don't suppose any of you know anything about surveillance gear?" Staring at the things, I can't shake the feeling that I'm missing something important.

While everyone else is shaking their heads no, Willow starts fiddling with the bits of now dismantled electronics, picking one of them up into the light and squinting at it. "I could see if I can find anything out about the serial numbers from the manufacturer. They might keep a record of who they sold it to."

... I am not going to ask why you expect to have easy access to that information. Nope. Your illegal hacking is your own business. "That sounds good."

As she's pulling out her laptop, Willow's brow scrunches up slightly. "How did you find them anyway? Are you sure you got them all?" Everyone starts looking around nervously.

How to explain..? "Uh... surveillance gives me... I think you guys would call it the wiggins."

"Well duh! Being spied on is way creepy." Cordelia sounds offended by the notion. I can't say that I disagree.

I smile. "Yes... That's true. But I mean like hairs on the back of my neck standing up when I feel like I'm being watched kind of wiggins. It's hard to explain the sensation, but I basically played Marco Polo with said wiggins. Like, Oz can probably smell the intruders but could you put all the details into words?"

At the same time Xander and Amy say, "Spidey Senses."

Oz also responds. "Three humans. Lots of soap."

Impressive. I make a note that Oz's sense of smell is better than mine, after all I didn't get anything more than: 'human, probably plural.' "Yeah, Spidey Sense works. If there were any more of these things hidden around here I'd literally be able to feel it." I pause, as if considering. "I should probably mention that to Giles. I don't recall Mok'tagar demons being able to do that." Which is sad really, they were a lovely guess on his part.

A loud knock at the door interrupts me.

"Yes! Pizza's here!" Amy bolts over to the door.

"You found a place that delivers after dark in this town?" Cordelia and I both ask in unison before looking at each other in shared confusion.

"Yeah... sure. It's called Harmony..." Amy opens the front door to reveal Harmony, with 6 pizza boxes.

"So, I just doubled our usual order, I hope that's okay."

"Wicked!" Faith rushes past me, grabbing the pizzas.

... Faith, Amy, and Harmony have a usual order? Wow. Maybe Amy's right about me spending too much time down in the caves.

"How are you two not freaking out right now?" Cordelia demands.

Xander nods his agreement "Yeah. Am I the only one thinking about pulling his house apart to make sure none of these things are hiding there?" Judging by the looks on the others, he isn't.

Faith and Amy shrug. Faith waves Amy on, before biting into her pizza. "Jack will figure out who did it and then Faith can beat them up. Until then? I'm hungry."

I smile briefly at my little family's trust in each other, before hunkering down to make good on it.

---Winters Residence - Atrium---

I sit in my chair, design notes and shotgun competing for space on the closest parts of the coffee table, while I wait for Faith to come back from patrol.

I may not have gotten to introduce Faith to the Batman cartoons, but I suppose tonight wasn't a waste. The Scoobies were even helpful if I'm being honest with myself.

Not that it's any manner of surprise breakthrough discovery that they can be used to convert pizza or donuts into research and ideas. Amy being willing to admit to having a collection of magic books may have caught me off guard, but I suspect she wanted to show off. Getting Willow to finally admit to having the techno-pagan books from Miss Calendar made all the questioning glances worthwhile. If she eventually gets me the sales info for the listening devices, it'll be a bonus.

Really though, it was having Oz's nose to double check my conclusions on where the intruders had and hadn't been that proved most handy. That they never went near the bedrooms, and left the house practically untouched seems oddly polite of home invaders. They never even went near the safe. Sure, it's hidden, but not so well that I'd expect a trio of thieves to have missed it. Especially not thieves that could get past Amy's alarm wards, basic though they may be... Huh, Oz also mentioned that they smelled like a lot of soap...

So... Three magically aware full or near humans that use technology. Lots of soap. Strangely polite. Unless I somehow annoyed a bunch of Canadian warlocks, that sounds suspiciously like people working for The Mayor. Granted, I'm working for The Mayor, so that begs the question: Why now? Why not weeks ago when I first landed on his radar? Even as of our last meeting there wasn't any difference in his demeanor to indicate we had a problem.

Rerunning said last meeting in my head... I snap-started my instant hot pack and warmed my hand up so I could shake his hand as usual. I stepped through the door, tattoos sizzling briefly as normal. Wilkins didn't even bother to look surprised anymore when his latest detection spell slid off me. I gave my report on all the various sites I'd verified did not hold his maguffin, handing the paper copy of the same over to Allan. Hmmm... What changed?

Even if he puzzled his way past my little, "I'm just a vanilla mortal, pay no attention to me," routine... I can't fathom his objecting to having yet one more demon of unknown type, or even vampire, in his employ. Perhaps this is just idle curiosity?

... except no. I was probably reported as being at Willy's with Buffy earlier this week because she couldn't be arsed to wait in the truck.

Aha. That makes sense now. The Mayor wouldn't want his retrieval specialist mentioning his work to the Slayer.

I return to doing the legwork on looking into a more proactive set of home defense wards. If defense by obscurity isn't working, may as well go full blown fortress mode.

I should probably also start working on some form of contingency plan in case my work with Mayor Wilkins goes sour. Damn. I was really hoping to nab that box of infinite spiders first.

Hopefully I can unruffle whatever feathers I need to before anything unfortunate happens.

---Winters Residence - Atrium---

I'm still hunched over the coffee table when Faith comes home a bit past 2 AM.

Flopping down on the couch and firing up the Nintendo, Faith looks over and smirks at me. "You're still here?" Uh...

"Of course I am... I live here." I laugh halfheartedly at the absurdity of that question.

Faith rolls her eyes at me. "Ain't you usually down in the caves by now?"

"Oh. I suppose so. But I figured one of us should be home in case we had visitors again tonight. Amy would never forgive us if we let her being kidnapped in her sleep deny her a morning cup of coffee." I pause, beginning to sort out my notes and stack up the reference books. "I called the school and left a message. We all have food poisoning and won't be in tomorrow. You good with taking second watch and then sacking out after breakfast?"

"... Sure, sounds good." Faith agrees distractedly as she nails Bowser with a green shell.

"Great. We'll take the long weekend and overhaul the spells on the house." Faith's continued nodding as I speak strikes me as suspicious. "...And then after the wedding I figure you and Amy can have your honeymoon back home at Martha's Vineyard."

...And Faith is clearly checked out of reality, just nodding along as I speak.

I toss a coaster at her. She dodges without looking away from her game. Good. Her slayer instincts are at least still on watch. Works for me.

I head down into the caves, pondering the merits of Mayor Wilkins' continued existence.

---Sunnydale Caverns---

I think the universe has a bizarre sense of humor.

I mean really. The stupid Orb of Unrememberable Name that the Mayor wanted was in the collapsed tunnel rubble? Somehow undamaged, despite... err..

Okay. I guess that makes a limited kind of sense considering the idiot fledge that managed to get himself caught in a cave in while returning it to his boss. Nothing good will ever come from betting against fledges doing strange or dumb things. Acting as a cushion for loot can probably be counted as both.

Said fledge snarls at me, long since driven mad by hunger, pain, and isolation during his three or more week stint as organic rubble.

"Yeah... dealing with you is so not worth the bonus pay."

I stake... him? Kind of hard to tell with everything all mashed like that.

Well. This ought to help calm Wilkins calm down while I sort out an appropriate response.

Heading back home, the lab is once again lit by the grow light over that strange flower.

A strange flower that has at least doubled in size since I last looked at it, and now smells like a strange combination of something sweet like honey and... something maybe sort of like blood? Close but not, on each count. Some sort of carnivorous plant perhaps?

Well, it's good to see Amy has embraced her role as Poison Ivy.

...I wonder if this sort of living bug zapper could be made to eat surveillance bugs.

---

A/N - Unimportant but amusing(?) detail: "I'm just a vanilla mortal" is sung to the tune of "little black rain cloud" by Winnie the Pooh

 

[Aetheron]

A/N – This is mostly just fun, rather than anything terribly plot advancing. Enjoy.

*** Xander POV ***

---- Set in part 25 before Buffy confronts Jack----

Walking into school with Cordelia, we meet up with Willow and Oz. "Hey there, Wills. Oz."

"Xander! I got a kitten! Well... they were abandoned on my porch, and I had four, but my mom said I could only keep one. But I have a kitten, so, yay! I think I'm going to name her Kitty Fantastico."

"Someone left kittens on your porch?"

"Yeah, in a box. It was kind of oooky really. A knock on the door and then nobody there but the box of kittens." Seeing Oz making a confused face at something behind me, I turn around to see a tired and grumpy looking Buffy holding two cups of coffee.

"Hey, Buffs... Is everything okay?"

"Buffy! Good news! I got a kitten... uh..." Buffy's eye starts twitching. This can't be of the good.

---- Set in part 27's research party ----

Well... I know nothing about magic defenses, or surveillance bugs... uh... pizza's gone... Why did Jack hand me a book on carpentry?

Huh. What are those pieces of paper taped to the wall? Oh... just a to do list. Uh... Wait...what the what?

A/N - Handwriting (Strike through means crossed off on list) - Jack's - Amy's - Harmony's - Faith's Before (Red Crayon) / Faith's After (Normal Pen)
This was so much easier to read in word...

• Learn how write in ancient Sumerian. Why? Because Funny.
• Learn Proper Swordwork. Maybe also learn how to not almost stab me by accident?
• Firearms Training. Me too!
• Find Xander's Uncle Rory for truck paperwork
• Maps
  • Town.
  • Sewer.
  • Cavern.
  • Leyline? Doesn't actually work that way
  • Hellmouth's Influence? Maybe?
  • Kanto You haven't beaten that game yet?
• Get Amy The Girls night vision goggles. - magical equivalent? Cat's Eye goggles?
• Who is Mrs. Cole? How did she know Mother?
• Fireproof House
• Technomancy Books – Giles? Willow?
• Deal with Sandra's father.
• Brownies.
• Halloween Costumes
  • Jack Joker
  • Amy Poison Ivy Fine.
  • Faith Harley Who is this Harley chick?
  • Xander Batman
  • Cordelia Lois Lane
  • Buffy SuperGirl
  • Willow BatGirl
  • Oz Robin ??? Andrew says Tim Drake was a werewolf Thank you Harmony
  • Harmony ??? Riddler Okay, that works.
• Magic Tutors Yes!
• Demolitions– Xander?
• Baseball Bat Custom order a stronger one. How did Faith still break it? It had a really hard skull?
• Get better at Mario Kart Don't bother. Faith still wins when drunk Damn Straight I do!
• Have Rory part out Gorch's Truck.
• Wild Empathy Testing. Is this why I keep finding my cat unconscious?
• Inform Faith that list entries should not be done in red crayon.
• Why do I keep finding my cat unconscious!? Soup Crackers WTF does that even mean?
• Martial Arts instructor(s)

"...Jack..."

"Yeah Bats?"

...

Yeah. I can live with being called bats. But... "Why am I on here next to demolitions?"

"Didn't you find a rocket launcher once?" How does he know about that? "Anyway yes, I've been meaning to ask you. What would you recommend if I wanted to convey a sense of 'fuck this one building in particular very very much?"

"Do I want to know why?"

"...Because nuking a city to kill one demon seems... excessive maybe? Err... I think it sounds excessive... Don't you?"

Amy's rule about asking Jack questions finally pops into my mind a moment too late.

-----Later-----

I'm flipping through the surprisingly interesting book on carpentry while Oz drives us all around for Jack to check for bugs.

Jack turns around in the front seat as we approach our first stop, Buffy's house. "Just so we're clear: you all want me to come into your homes and poke around? That doesn't seem weird to you guys?"

Next to me Cordelia sounds annoyed "Yes! We're sure, don't make it sound so much creepier than it needs to."

"Okay. Okay. Just making sure... Oh hey, we're here."

We all climb out of the van and head up to the house.

Answering our knocking, Joyce opens the door. "Oh, I'm sorry you guys. Buffy's not here. Didn't she tell you she has training with Giles tonight?"

But I thought... "Actually-" Willow elbows me and Jack's hand clamps down on my should before I can finish my question. What just happened?

"Actually, Joyce, we're here to see you. Someone installed surveillance bugs at my place while we were at school. We're just doing a quick check to make sure no one else got bugged. I figured we should start here, what with your daughter's work and all. Mind if we come in and poke around quickly?"

Joyce steps to the side like Buff taught her and we all file in.

While Jack walks off into the house with Mrs. Summers, I ask Willow why she elbowed me.

"I can't... Buffy made me promise not to tell anyone."

But... What would Buffy trust Jack with but not me?

 

[Aetheron]

*** Faith POV ***

---

---Set a night after Angel resurfaces in I7A--

The vamp chick I'm fighting pauses. "No! The Slayer is a blonde. Like... Duh!" I stake her before she can finish telling me I'm not B. Jesus Fuck. I thought Jack was kidding. They really do just stand there to talk.

"Well fuck you too." Ungh, kind of takes the fun out of Slaying. All juiced up and nothing to vent on. Maybe I can get Jack to go a few rounds in the gym tonight before he vanishes into the caves?

"Is everything all right? I know I've been somewhat lax at showing it, but I am here as your watcher as well if you ever need anything." Mr. Giles asks. It's weird hearing Double-D's accent and even similar words coming from a strange old man who's smiling at me.

"Yeah, Five by Five." I can't tell you about most of what's bothering me anyway. B's pretty sure you'll have a heart attack when you find out about Angel being back. Nevermind the part where Jack...

Oh, what the hell, B says he's alright. "No. Actually, not everything is fine." I'll just start with the really small stuff.

...

"Okay. So. Not a huge fan of this whole goin ta school nonsense. Neva have been, you know? And everyone's a Senior, so we don't have many classes together. I mean, I guess shop class is okay, but I hate math, and Mrs. Fields is not helping with that. I hate having to ask for help, even though Ames and Jack seem to love explainin shit. Oh, and Jack has the two of us signed up for a gun safety course this weekend in LA, which I think Ames should have to take too, but she doesn't want to, which is dumb. And... Harmony is nagging me to wear happier colors... Seriously? Gag me with a spork."

I do kind of feel better now. Why is Giles polishing his glasses?

----Set in 25 the day of Xander's Kidnapping----

I really expected her to be like one of those preppy bitches that always gave me shit back home. I guess she kind of is, but watching her rip that Lexie chick a new one for calling me weird… "You know, I think Harmony's kinda growing on me."

Ames laughs. "Yeah, she's proven surprisingly fungal."

Looking around the cafeteria, "Hey, where's Jack? I thought he had lunch with us today."

"… I think he said something about having lunch at the gallery with Joyce today."

"He's having lunch… with B's mom?" Is that why B's always glaring at him?

"Yeah. Apparently she found a buyer for one of the last pieces we had up for sale. Finally." Oh.

"Oh so they're not-"

Harmony drops into the seat next to Ames, still looking angry. "Can you believe the nerve of that little sophomore!? I mean hello! With those shoes? Urgh." Harmony starts attacking her lunch, looking disgruntled.

Amy's eyebrow goes up as she turns. "You okay there Harmony? Usually putting snotty underclassmen in their place makes you happy."

Harmony glares across the cafeteria, pointing with her fork. "Cordelia is sitting with Xander." So what?

"What's wrong with the X-man?"

"…He's… they aren't… It's just wrong. He should not be with Cordelia."

Ames and I nod at each other, and change the topic. "So. How was math class?" Why did Amy have to pick math?

…Can we just go back to talking about Cordelia? "I hate math. Stupid emancipation requirements. Why do I even need to be in school? It's not like Slayers make it past 20."

Across the table, Amy's lunch catches fire, again, as her eye starts twitching. "What!? No. You can not think like that. Fucking Watchers."

Harmony dumps out her water on Amy's lunch, before pulling out one of those cosmic brownie things and handing it to her, rolling her eyes.

"Hey. It's true… and what about the Watchers?" Leave Diana out of this.

Ames sighs. "Jack has this whole rant he goes into sometimes about how slayers that ignore the idiots on the council live far longer. I think he means the council's leaders, not like Giles or Diana. I don't know, you'd have to ask him about it. But no more talking about dying young from you. Understood?" She says while chewing on the brownie. Harmony nodding along in agreement.

"Yes, Mein Führer!"

"… You've been watching those World War 2 specials with Jack again haven't you?"

"Yeah, he-" I'm cut off by Cordelia arriving at the table.

"Hi, girls. Don't forget to vote for me for Homecoming Queen." A big smile... and she's gone again.

Harmony glares across the room again. "See!? Xander is clearly affecting her memory…I'm going to be Homecoming Queen."

"Yes, Harmony- Jinx!"

Ames and I stare at each other for a moment before we all burst into laughter.

---Set the morning before 27---

Walking into the library I don't see Giles in his office. "Yo G-man! I got that report for last night's patrol you wanted."

I spot Giles walking out of the reference stacks. "Yes. Quite. Just give me one moment to find a pen..." He trails off as I hold out the report. "This is already typed." Duh?

"Yeah, J says my chickin scratch ought to be against the Jenifer Conventions."

"I suspect he said Geneva... I'm sorry, I seem to be having trouble with the idea of a Slayer who types up her own reports."

"Oh. If it makes you feel better, Harms typed it out for me. She's wicked fast on the... why do you call it a death machine?"

"You have Miss Kendall typing..." He begins polishing his glasses. Jack said that was Giles for... annoyed or confused?

"Somethin wrong G?"

"I suppose I shall have to expect seeing her on Wednesdays?" Ah right. X-man mentioned that Harms and Red are, 'un-mixy.' Californians are wicked weird.

"Nah. I don't think the library is really her scene. She and Ames were just still up watching Wormhole X-treme when I got home, and I think she offered to do the typing to escape the campy sci-fi." Not sure why that show bothers Jack so much. "Oh! Speaking of Harms though, not to alarm you, but she's decided you need new clothes. Apparently tweed is not in fashion anymore." I roll my eyes and try to suppress a grin. "She may attack you with a measuring tape sometime this week. " Keeping a straight face on that last line is just impossible. G looks legit terrified.

---Set during the long-weekend overhaul mentioned in 27 ---

Lugging the giant potted plant up the stairs out of the basement, I just… "Really Ames? I just don't see it."

"See what?"

"How is this thing supposed to become Bulbasaur?" It just looks like a weird ass flower.

"Oh. It isn't. I just wanted to know if the runes worked. Biomancy is trickier than I thought. Stupid living things don't want to just do what I say."

"So, what were the runes supposed to do anyway? Cause they just look like random squiggles to me."

"Oh, the entire pot is like a mini sacrificial altar. Things dying on it charge it up and then it makes the plant grow. Every time the plant lures a bug in and eats it, the spell gets a little stronger."

"How big is this thing going to get?" It already fills the whole pot.

"Not sure, it was almost fully grown when we planted it… and now it's what? 4 times that size? It'll probably stop growing when it gets too big for the runes to register the bugs dying. Hopefully then I can get Red to bring the dead mice to the plant instead of leaving them on my pillow."

I have to laugh at the face Ames makes. "Rum hasn't done that to me yet." I set the pot down in the small hole Ames and I dug out for it earlier.

"I still can't believe you named your cat Rum."

"Cause Red is so much better. You're a little obsessed with that game you know that right?" And you definitely found it far too funny when I said that Red was what I call Willow. You'd think the two witches in town would bond, but what do I know, I'm still new to the whole having friends thing. Could definitely get used to it though.

"Shush you. Oh! Watch, see the bee lands on the flower and gets stuck?"

"Yeah. It looks pissed off. Can't say I blame it, bein trapped by a fuckin flower."

"See the runes starting to glow?" The glowing flashes brightly. "Now, the- err, that's not supposed to hap- Oomph." I grab Ames and haul her back. Away from the now pissed off and fucking giant bee.

"You never said nothin about bees the size of fuckin baseballs!" I carry her back towards the house.

"Hey! Put me down. We have to catch it!" With what? Your bare hands?

"No we really don't!" I hate bees. Why do my friends have to be mad scientists?

 

[RichardWhereat]

We are almost up to date!

 

[Aetheron]

It's a self-own.

Click to shrink...

*Squints at username*
Oh… duh. Hiya, Cakeman! That makes way more sense.

Actually, in the course of digging up old story snippets I wrote over ages to put in my snippets thread I found something that suddenly feels topical:

—— New York City, New York - Somewhere in the Detective Comics Multiversal Supercluster : Local Time Unknown ——

Jack looks up at the sky and frowns in confusion for a moment before his eyes suddenly widen and he grabs Amy and Faith by the arms. "No! Nein! Nyet! NOPE! Everyone back through the portal! We don't want to be here right now."
"What? Why not?" Amy protests.
Faith doesn't protest, but still fails to move backwards. Instead she points upward. "Maybe 'cause there's a giant orange… uh… what is that?"
"...New York… New York!"
Jack sighs. "I think it's a giant Orange Lantern construct bowl."
"But… why?"
"As best I can tell?" Jack shrugs. "My theological counterpart in this universe is taking a short break from reality at the moment, in order to bake a giant cake for the city of New York. That or some other comic book fuckery is actively in progress. Either way," He begins forcibly corralling them all back through the portal. "I want to not have to deal with redoing the portal ritual way less than I want to not have to deal with…"
Jack trails off as a massive orange snake shimmers into being in front of the portal, squinting at them suspiciously in a very human but also very un-snakelike way.
"…that."
"Right." Amy nods, snapping the portal shut. "I'll add those dimensional coordinates to The List."

Jackie boy is the most entertaining friend-shaped wrecking ball I've read in the Buffy verse, Fite me.

Click to shrink...

I think this is going on my "reviews/quotes that manage to encapsulate the gist of the story"

We are almost up to date!

Click to shrink...

Eh… more like at the halfway point by chapter count but only a third of the way by word count since the later chapters got meatier over time.

 

[RichardWhereat]

*Squints at username*
Eh… more like at the halfway point by chapter count but only a third of the way by word count since the later chapters got meatier over time.

Click to shrink...

Ah, right. I haven't been reading this dump, because I've just finished another read through in September. I saw the bit about a vampire saying the slayer is blonde, and thought it was from when she was a sheriff's deputy.

 

[Aetheron]

---Sunnydale City Hall - Mayor's Office : Sunday Evening---

Walking into The Mayor's office for our weekly meeting, I feel the detection spells on his doorway wash over me. As with every meeting prior, the spells feel slightly different this time. Wilkins presumably varying and refining his efforts to get me to register as something. My refusal to register as anything at all is probably why he proposed these weekly meetings in the first place, to give him more chances to study me. Pity I can't force false positives.

The itching sensation crawling around my body courtesy of my tattoos tells me I've won yet another round in this particular mini-game, but I'd hesitate to call the experience pleasant. For what feels like the umpteenth time today I debate the merits of simply shooting him in the head and being done with it. Regrettably, as with every time before, I discard the notion almost immediately as I'm not certain it would actually kill him. After all, merely wounding an immortal sorcerer tends to make them rather understandably cranky.

"Ah, Mr. Winters. Always a pleasure. Alan tells me you have good news for me?"

Digging the Maguffin out of my pocket, I place it on his desk. "Only if I'm correct about this being the orb you asked me to track down."

Ah, now that cracked his facade, if only for a brief instant of puzzlement. Odd… Perhaps the orb itself should have shown up on whatever scan he had aimed at the doorway? Inconvenient that.

Wilkins examines the faintly glowing greenish sphere for a moment. It takes me a moment to realize that there's a faint tingling I can just barely sense that isn't even coming from my tattoos. Suppressing a sigh, I make a mental note to add determining whether I can passively sense active magic near me to my ever-growing list of shit to do. I have the sinking suspicion that my being able to feel it even from here is not something I should find comforting. Probably says more about the level of power Wilkins wields than it does about my own magical sensitivity.

The sensation abruptly cuts off, and Wilkins's attention focuses back on me with his standard congenial smile. "Well done, Mr. Winters, I daresay I was not expecting you to actually recover this so soon. I was expecting it to take you until Christmas at the earliest."

I'm unclear if I ought to be feeling complimented or insulted right now. I settle for a little of both. "One of the many perks of hiring professionals. We tend to do our jobs."

"But where do you find the time? Between school, interning at the hospital, and running around with the Slayer, you must be a very busy young man." Oh he noticed that did he? Err...

"The Slayer?" The? Not a Slayer, but The Slayer? Interesting.

"Oh, don't play coy. I have it on good authority that you and Miss Summers' little crew are responsible for the recent disappearance of a Mr. Lyle Gorch and his new wife... Candace was it?" Well, if you want to read my confusion over your accidentally admitting to a lack of omniscience as being coy... I'm certainly not going to correct you.

I roll my eyes. "Ah, I'm afraid that was a hazard of that whole attending high school business you mentioned. The Gorches kidnapped a friend of mine, which struck me as terribly rude..."

---Sunnydale City Hall - Parking Lot : Late Sunday Evening---

I leave City Hall pondering the rollercoaster ride of a meeting I just left. I suppose my not inconsiderable efforts to hide my true nature were bound to have side effects eventually. But honestly, reassuring someone that I'm not secretly a white hat really ought to have been much simpler. But with Wilkins unwilling to forfeit our game by asking, and myself unwilling to say what I am...

I sigh. I probably owe Buffy another favor for providing me with such a bottomless wellspring of genuine irritation to channel into my denial of any such accusations. Maybe I can try and set her mom up with someone who isn't a serial killer... That'd be a good deed right? Or at least good deed adjacent?

I glare down at my dubious evidence that I succeeded in managing Wilkins' concerns. Once again, I find myself in possession of the damned maguffin, because what self respecting fetch quest doesn't chain into a Fed-Ex quest? I probably ought to take precautions against discovering that there's a side order of Rosencrantz & Guildenstern to my new mission of trading the orb for a Box of Gavrok. Chartering me a private plane to Budapest may be an expensive means of being rid of me, but not impossibly so given what he's already paying me.

And speaking of being rid of me... I'm going to miss the whole Band Candy episode if I have the dates right. Err... wait. I killed Mr. Trick. Contacting Ethan was his idea... Hmmm... I wonder what arrangements Mayor Wilkins will make now that he's left to his own devices.

...

Perhaps being out of town for that is for the best? I may even want to take Amy and Faith with me to Budapest.

Yeah... I think the whole Winters clan will be giving that entire week a miss.

---Winters Residence - Kitchen : Tuesday Morning---

I find myself staring across the breakfast table at Harmony. She's got a stuffed snake tucked under one arm and a number of what I believe are called garment bags in her hand.

I'm left wondering a number of things. Why does she have these things? Why is she here before either Faith or Amy have even woken up? How did she even get into the house, because I'm fairly certain replacing all the exterior doors included changing the locks...

I start with the most important question though. "What do you mean, no?" I swear, she's picking up Amy's bad habits almost as fast as Faith. You can't just walk into the kitchen, point at me and declare 'no' without some form of context.

"No." I can feel my fangs start to twitch. "You can't wear that." Err-

"What? Why not?" I look down at my standard black tee shirt and jeans. There's no blood on either of them. "I wear stuff like this every day."

"But today, is picture day. You have to look nicer than usual for picture day."

...

I get the distinct impression that telling Harmony I don't show up in photographs would not help me here. Fortunately, Amy staggering in and wandering towards the coffee machine provides me with a suitable distraction.

---Winters Residence - Atrium : Moments Later--

"Better?" I ask the three mutineers on the couch as I walk back into the kitchen in the dress shirt Harmony had picked out for me.

Honestly, the speed with which they all rallied around Faith's 'if I have to dress up then so does J' was rather disturbing. I'm feeling rather tempted to suspect premeditation.

"Much better. We're all going to look so great in the yearbook." Harmony looks entirely too pleased with herself.

...

"You do realize I can't have my photo taken right?" Amy's exasperated expression trades places with Harmony's amused one.

Standing up, hands on her hips. "Really, Jack? There's paranoid and then there's ridiculous. It's a yearbook photo." Apparently she still takes offense to something about my appearance because she starts fiddling with my collar while clucking at me. I resist the urge to swat at her in favor of bursting her bubble.

"No, not 'I don't want to,' I literally cannot. As in I don't show up in photos. May as well be invisible."

Faith glares at me. "...Seriously?" What you think I'm just trying to get out of picture day... okay, I suppose that does sound like me.

I fish the Polaroid camera out of the desk drawer and hand it over. "Harmony? Care to do the honors?" I grab Amy and Faith and pull them up, throwing an arm around their shoulders, and stick my tongue out at the camera just in time for the flash to go off.

Faith and Harmony stare at the photo of Amy, caught mid eye roll as she stands with one hand on her hip, the other pointing at Faith. And of Faith, glaring at the empty air between them, looking like she's struggling to escape.

"Well done, Amy, it looks like you're holding Faith with a spell."

"Yup." Amy grins.

"Ooh. Want to see something really weird?" I pick the now halfheartedly protesting Amy up bridal style. "Take another. No, wait!" I spin around. "Faith, hop on." Once Faith is situated on my back, I turn back to face Harmony.

When the flash goes off Harmony shakes out a photo of Faith, floating in midair. Amy and I nowhere to be seen.

"Before you all ask; As far as I can tell it's because magic is fucking weird, and loves to nitpick. I don't really get it either. Now, everyone, into the truck if I'm driving you to school." I open the door.

... Nope!

I close the door.

"Would anyone care to explain why there's a yellow jacket the size of a baseball flying around in front of the house?"

Three carefully blank stares answer my question. Their innocence made even more unlikely by the giggles coming from Faith and Amy.

"I see."

---Sunnydale High Hallways - Before First Period---

"It's supposed to be a Basilisk, but it turns out that traditionally Basilisks are these lizard things with legs and not snakes, so I got a stuffed King Cobra." Harmony manages explain, without actually explaining anything, as we walk into school.

"Harmony, it really isn't necessary to feed Jack's ego by calling him a king. It's plenty inflated already." Hey! That was uncalled for Amy.

"Oh, but for snakes king just means that it eats other snakes. Like Jack does... you know. See, it fits." Again, hey! That is not my fault! They're all just too fucking stupid to let live. She makes me sound so... selective, about the whole thing.

"Really?"

"Yeah." Harmony takes note of the surprised look on Amy's face. "What? I like animals."

"...why do I have a stuffed Cerberus?"

"Well, you wanted a g-" Harmony's answer is cut off by Buffy running up and grabbing Faith.

"Faith! You're late for sparring pract- Why are you all dressed up in matching blues?" We match? I mean sure, we're all wearing something blue... and something white... but... Meh... I blame Harmony.

"No! Faith will not be sparring this morning. Hello, It's Picture Day. Like, Duh!" Harmony does not sound like she appreciated being interrupted. She grabs Faith's other arm as if she could stop, or even slow down, Buffy in a tug of war.

Buffy's expression whips through irritation into horror. "It's picture day today!?"

...I shouldn't.

...I really shouldn't.

So of course I chum the water. "Yeah... Wasn't Cordelia supposed to tell you?"

---Sunnydale : Thursday Afternoon---

I knock on the door of the house the dart landed on this morning. A middle aged man in worn clothing answers the door.

I make sure to meet his eyes and try to channel Buffy's sheer chipperness. "Good morning! Do you have a moment to talk about our great and wonderful savior Eris?"

Sadly I'm not sure I'm physically capable of matching early seasons Buffy in the chipper disposition department. I may even be allergic to such attempts. Or maybe it's just that no one ever seems to want to discuss religion these days. Either way Mr. Randomly Selected looms out to try and intimidate me into leaving. "No I," Just a bit more... "don't wan-" Perfect. His face clears the protections of his home.

His irritated order to go away cuts off abruptly as I meet his eyes and thrall him to agree. 'You want to hear all about Eris.' He starts nodding agreeably.

"Eris you say?" He asks, suddenly sounding properly interested.

"Oh yes. Err, do you mind if I come in so we can chat like civilized folk rather than standing around on your porch?" He nods again. "That's the spirit!"

I pat him on the head as I walk into his house. Whoever wrote the invitation rules was clearly having an off day. I can't force someone to give me an invitation directly, but I can make them want something enough to invite me in of their own free will? What manner of addled mind came up with that?

Oh look! He even has a wife too. How very nice for him. "Hello there! Have a seat. We have a lot to talk about."

Mr. and Mrs. Randomly Selected sit on their sofa. My stomach gurgles.

I guess he doesn't need to have a wife. Hmmm... choices choices.

A mysteriously missing wife might really sell the whole story. Or maybe he does the wife first and makes a nice mess? Oh, I do so love when all the little details in a story come together. Shame she might need to be found during the investigation. Really kind of limits me to about a pint for now.

Holding up the photos I took of the people living in the house the other dart hit, I begin my dry run. "Now. I have some photos I'd like to show you. I should probably warn you, you may find them upsetting." And if not, you will soon enough I hope.

 

[Aetheron]

---Winters Residence - Kitchen : Friday Morning---

Amy settles in at the kitchen table with her second cup of coffee. "So. What are we actually doing for Halloween? You haven't told us anything beyond the costumes."

...that would be what I forgot.

"You didn't bother to plan past costumes did you?" Amy's expression and tone turns from exasperated to happily amused. "I suppose we're going to The Bronze then?"

No! I Refuse! Going to the Bronze on nights the Dingoes aren't playing is a level of torture normally reserved for the Fields of Punishment. Think faster, Jack! Hell, even... oh. Duh.

"Don't be ridiculous, Amy. People can always go to The Bronze, I think Halloween should be at least a little more special, don't you? We're going to Caritas."

...

"We're going to a demon Karaoke bar? You're going to bring two Slayers into a bar full of demons?" Across the table, Faith's chewing slows down as a rather feral grin crosses her face.

"Even better, I'm going to bring Buffy to a bar full of demons she won't be able to punch. Remember? The bar has a spell that prevents violence."

"Aww..." Faith sounds rather disappointed about it too. She mutters something about silly feuds and goes back to eating.

"I thought you said humans weren't affected, that it only stopped demons from doing violence."

"True enough. Straight up vanilla mortal humans are exempt, but Slayers are all part demon."

"WHAT!?" Faith's mouthful of half chewed cereal sprays across the table.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Faith. I thought you knew about that... Wait how did you think they originally created the Slayer line?"

"Umm... I nevah thought about that."

"Well then." I do so love discussing History. "So the shamans that would one day become the original Watchers take this little girl right? And they chain her down in this cave and shove this Shadow Demon into her..."

---The Gallery - Joyce's Office : Friday - Lunchtime---

Leaning into her office, I see Joyce working on some paperwork per usual. "Hey, Joyce... Do you have a moment I could borrow?"

She looks up. "Jack? What brings you here today?"

"Well, I'm planning on taking the whole gang out to LA this weekend. And I was hoping to invite you along personally, since I know the idea of Buffy disappearing to LA is something of a nightmare for you."

Joyce plasters on a smile that looks quite forced. "That's very sweet of you, but I wouldn't want intrude on your Halloween plans."

"Don't be ridiculous. The Halloween party at this Karaoke place runs until 4 AM, so I booked up a section of a hotel for us to crash in and rest rather than driving home while exhausted. So you'd 'officially' be there to chaperone." I make an exaggerated showing of the air quotes on officially. "Besides, I already bought you your ticket to a showing of 'Phantom of the Opera' at the Geffen Playhouse. You did say it was a favorite of yours. Come on, say you'll come with us, have some fun, and keep a covert eye on your daughter while being able to honestly say it was all my idea."

"I don't know..."

"Hey! Added bonus... you'll get to watch Giles suffer through trying to stiff upper lip British his way through a play that is very much not his favorite... Think of it as your way of thanking him for dragging your daughter into this way of life we live."

"Oh... Okay, fine. I'll come along."

"Great! Try to be at the house tomorrow by around 6?"

---Winters Residence - Atrium : Saturday Afternoon (Halloween)---

I open the door, already in my Joker costume. "Hello everyone. Thank you all for joining us tonight. Faith and Amy have your costumes so please see them first. Except for you, Joyce. Harmony has yours in the kitchen."

Buffy at least waits for her mom to head into the kitchen before grabbing my arm and spinning me away from my fantastic view of Harley and Ivy to start hissing at me. "You invited my mother?"

"Well of course I did. You didn't think your mom was going to be okay with you running off to L.A. again without her did you?"

Buffy's mouth opens and closes a few times before she settles on glaring at me.

"Oh relax. It's not like she's coming with us all night. I bought her tickets to a theater showing of 'Phantom of the Opera' and dinner reservations at a fancy restaurant Harmony says is supposed to be very nice." I smile as the doorbell rings. "Oh! That must be Giles."

"…Giles?"

"Well, I wasn't about to send your mom to dinner and then the theater alone. Gods, how depressing would that be?

"You set my mother up on a date? With Giles?" Buffy's tone sets off all of my 'DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!' alarms.

I take a step back, making sure I'm outside of strangulation range before I reply. "It's not a date, It's just dinner... and then a show at the theater."

"That sounds an awful lot like a date." Well of course it does.

"Well, if I didn't make the arrangements there was no telling who she might meet while exposed to the public. I mean, I'm at least reasonably certain Giles isn't secretly a serial killer. Err… Unless there's something I should know?"

Buffy does not appear to be willing to go so far as to declare Giles a serial killer in her efforts to deny Joyce a life. She flounces over to claim her costume while I gear up for round 2 when she notices its SuperGirl instead of PowerGirl.

"Okay, now as you are likely all aware, Superman was unable to join us tonight as he's still being all Mopey McBroodypants up in his fortress of solitude after his most recent run in with Darkseid. On an unrelated note, Clark Kent called and cannot join us due to a severe case of the flu. As such, Lois Lane will be escorted by Mr. Wayne tonight-" Xander holds his hand up like we're in class. "…Yes Xander?"

"Why is my costume so heavy?"

"Oh, that's probably the Kevlar lining under the breastplate."

...

Xander stares at me. "...What with the huh and the why?" Really people? Strapping it onto the local demon magnet seems like a perfectly reasonable way to field test combat armor to me.

"Oh, for the love of all the gods." I pull out my pistol, point it at Xander, and pull the trigger.

Impressively Buffy manages to make it halfway across the room at a dead sprint before the big red flag unfurls. BANG! Of course, even though I'm fairly certain she now realizes it's a prop, Buffy tackles me to the ground anyway. Considering Bats would have been dead before she got to me if I'd used my real pistol, I choose to count it as a victory.

Then again, I now have Buffy the Vampire Layer straddling me. Do not want. "No means no, Buffy! Gods!" I don't even have to fake my absolutely horrified sounding voice.

...Thank you Joyce for choosing such a perfect moment to see what all the commotion was about.

---In the Truck : A Short While Later---

Pulling out of the driveway with Oz and Joyce convoying along behind me, the back of my head gets smacked hard enough that it could only be Faith. "How long have you known?"

"Gods, what is it with you girls and questions with zero context?"

"How long have you known about... Superman bein back? Willows been glarin at me since your little speech. She thinks I spilled the beans." Willow knows about Angel already? That's... different.

"Oh... was that a secret? I figured it out the morning after he arrived I think, I mean, you came home smelling like him and Buffy. I didn't know Willow knew, but assumed Oz did since his nose is even better than mine, unless Buffy's 'Eau de Cat' has kept him from paying any attention to how Buffy smells." Actually... Come to think of it, already having known about it might explain why he never spoke during their original 'intervention' after Xander caught them.

"What are you guys talking about?" Amy asks, wearing her annoyed face. She looks lovely in Ivy's skin tight green leaf outfit, and the annoyed face really sells the character.

"My..." I force my mind back up out of the gutter, and face forward again, lest we crash. "...Grandfather's keeper is in town."

"Oh... okay." Amy nods. "Yeah, I don't care anymore."

Harmony, who's been oddly silent tonight, finally speaks up. "Well I care! Jack deliberately paired Xander with Cordelia. That is not okay." ...Really? That's why you've been giving me the silent treatment?

Amy bursts into laughter. "But, Harmony... Apparently Superman is Buffy's boyfriend. Bets on your two rivals for Homecoming Queen getting into another snit when they realize just what Jack's implying?"

"...Ooooh... Okay then. In that case, I forgive you." She pats me on the shoulder.

Faith finally manages to cut back in between Harmony and Amy. "Hold up! Eau de Cat? Is that why he always makes those weird faces at her whenever B ain't lookin?" He does? Oh that is just wonderful...

---Arriving at the Motel---

Cordelia looks at me with what I think is supposed to be a stern expression. "Jack... This is a motel."

I smile at her as disarmingly as I can. "Is it? I've always been a tad fuzzy on the distinction between motels and hotels." She does not seem appeased. Climbing out of the car behind her mother, Buffy looks similarly confused. "Now, let's all check in before the front desk closes down or Joyce and Mr. Giles run late for their reserva-"

"Why do we need motel rooms?"

"Gods, Cordelia, suspicious much? Relax. I mean, would I really have brought Giles if I was throwing a roman orgy?" I shake my head and suppress a grin at the glance Buffy gives her mom before glaring at me when she catches my comment with her improved hearing. I raise my voice so everyone else can hear me too. "We're at a hotel because driving 2 hours to get home at 4-5 AM struck me as a terrible plan and the other grownups agreed with me."

"Other grownups?" Cordelia sounds offended at the implication that she doesn't count.

Holding up one arm, "Please raise your hand if you're over 18?" Oz raises his hand while Joyce and Giles just stare at me looking amused. "See? Grownups. Please also note that they're the ones that have to do the driving." I choose to take Cordelia rolling her eyes as acquiescence, and get on with the show. "Now, since I can't have couples bunking together, Kara Zor-El will be bunking with her mother instead of Batgirl, who will be with Lois instead. Batman and his adoptive son Robin are likewise together. Giles gets the single next to Joyce since they'll be running their own schedule separately from us. Which puts the rogues' gallery in the remaining two rooms."

"You seem to have forgotten to include a room yourself on that list."

"Err... Why would I need a room for myself?"

"Were you seriously expecting me to let you sleep in a room with three girls?" Joyce manages to put a lot of disapproval into that baseless accusation.

"Oh, no. I don't sleep... ever. I'm not sure if I physically even can sleep. I was planning on running some errands and grabbing brunch for everyone so we could all eat together before we drove home."

Giles begins polishing his glasses. "You don't need to sleep? You know, you might have wanted to mention that when we were trying to narrow down your parentage."

Oh right. "Uhhh... Oops? Would that make now a good time to mention that I also don't show up in photos, videos, or even voice recordings?"

---Stairway to Caritas---

"Okay everybody. Here we are, Caritas. I hope you all at least try to behave yourselves." I stare pointedly at Buffy for just long enough to annoy her before setting off down the stairs. "Behold, the wonders of peaceful co-existence."

Walking in I see we're not the only patrons in costumes. Excellent. Immediately heading over to the bar, I try to warn Ramone... That I will happily accept the water he puts down in front of me just as I arrive. One day I will figure out how you do that Ramone. Mark my thoughts, this will be done... somehow.

Lorne sits down next to me as I try to wave the Scoobies in. "Winters! I must say, you suit your character very well. "

I do believe you just called me crazy... I'd take offense, but I did just walk in with a pair of Slayers. "Why thank you, Lorne. I'd try to introduce you to some friends of mine but they seem to be rather dumbstruck by your establishment." To be fair, I gave the Scoobies zero warning about what type of Karaoke bar we were headed to beyond explaining that there was magic in place that would prevent violence... "Oh, it looks like Amy has given up on trying to drag the others along. I do believe you've both spoken to her on the phone before?"

 

[Aetheron]

---Caritas : Late Saturday Night---

While Amy starts ordering drinks for a pair of soon to be occupied tables, I watch the traffic jam at the entryway with amusement for another moment.

But, as much fun as it is to watch Faith try and fail to drag Buffy towards the bar... A lot of tonight's lesson hinges on them making it past the doorway and seeing that not every demon is obsessed with causing the end of the world.

I turn back to exhibit A. "Well, Lorne, it seems the mountain doesn't want to come to us. Let's go say hi, shall we?"

The unwitting poster boy for co-existence and I make our way towards the Scoobies.

It feels... really nice... to know that I'll have a plan B up and running before my current charade has a chance to come crashing down around me.

---Caritas : Early Sunday Morning---

Harmony drags the Winters clan girls off for a stereotypical group trip to the bathroom. I find I can't really fault their logic for once, wanting to stick together in an unfamiliar bar, demon or otherwise, makes a certain kind of sense.

I stretch out and look over to the next table where Buffy and Cordelia are looking through the song book while Xander and Oz stare in horrified fascination at the overweight vampire singing a song by Britney Spears.

My momentary solitude is interrupted by Willow stealing Amy's now empty seat so she can lean in and glare at me properly. "Jerkface Middle-Name Winters!"

I suspect I'm being subjected to a variation of 'resolve face,' but I find myself blissfully immune to her opinion of me. I wave cheerfully back at her. "Willow Danielle Rosenberg."

She blinks once, probably because she has never told me her middle name, but then rolls right along with her lecture. "You're a super maxi-jerk for teasing Buffy like that!" She hisses out, apparently trying to keep her volume below the not so dull background murmuring of Caritas.

...

"Err... Not that I expect this will help my case at all, but given how very often Buffy and I... Well, I'm really going to need you to be at least a tad more specific."

"Superman is being all Mopey McBroodypants in his fortress of solitude? How long have you known Angel was back at his mansion? What did Faith tell you?"

Pretending to be properly angry while glaring back at Willow is a struggle as I'm rather overly fond of that little bit of word play. So, I opt to focus on the accusation that bothers me the most. "Okay. First of all, my Sister didn't tell me anything." I'm rather conflicted about that. Her and Buffy getting along and trusting each other is likely to help keep them both alive and saving the world. But I would have liked to think she could have told me. "In point of fact she's already yelled at me for this, so you can kindly leave her out of it."

I draw in another breath and roll right over any protests Willow might have to that last point. "It really wasn't even that big of a logical leap. Faith and Buffy both start showing up smelling like the same vampire over and over again without complaining about failing to slay it? Buffy starts acting all squirrelly, starts asking Giles about people returning from hell? And making her mother worry she was going to run off again by the way. Buffy isn't exactly in the running for daughter of the year here. Hell, why do you think I dragged Joyce out with us tonight?"

Willow leans back and crosses her arms over her chest without breaking resolve face. "You're still a jerk for taunting her about it right after Scott broke up with her."

I roll my eyes. "When have I ever denied being a- Wait, Scott broke up with her?" I didn't expect that to happen until next week.

"You didn't know? But... you didn't invite him along tonight."

"I didn't invite him because he's a fucking tool-shed. Plus, you know, demon bar. Not because- I really had no idea they'd broken up." Hell, I didn't even invite Mr. Wells or Levinson along. They didn't seem to mind though given that I paid for their Mr. Freeze and Scarecrow costumes and packed them off to a college comics convention. I do so hope Jonathan's costume inspires them to look into making that freeze ray early. What fun we might have.

Apparently unwilling to dispute my reasoning in light of the recent breakup, or perhaps realizing I was no longer paying any attention to her, Willow finally flounces off.

This leaves me time to finally ponder the one valid point she raised in all of that. Do I even have a middle name?

My license just lists a middle initial of R. Given that it was the same as father's I didn't think anything of it at the time. I almost regret specifically avoiding having my lawyers look any further into me... as it means I have no idea what the R allegedly stands for in this universe. Though I suppose I can't disagree with my previous reasoning that a grown man needing to ask his lawyer questions like say... 'What is my middle name supposed to be?' may have raised some red flags. Pity. Perhaps I can do some digging on my own.

---Later---

I stare at the stage as Buffy and Cordelia's song begins. They look almost as confused as I do for a moment before apparently deciding to go with it. "Odd choice for a duet."

"I know, right?" Harmony sounds far too pleased with herself, and glancing over at her shows an even more self satisfied smirk.

"…What did you do?"

"They were taking forever to realize why Cordelia is Lois Lane. So I changed their card to The Boy is Mine."

…I have no idea what I did to this girl, but I can't really argue with the results. "Well done, Riddles." I clink my glass to hers.

"Thanks, Jokes."

As the lyrics drive Buffy and Cordelia into a mock fight over some nameless boy, Amy starts laughing along with us while Faith rolls her eyes and calls us all ridiculous.

Curiously, or perhaps not, come to think of it, Willow is now glaring at me again. I'm not sure my shrugging at her successfully conveyed my innocence.

...Not that even I'd believe me about that either.

---Later---

Sitting down at the bar, I take solace in the fact that Ramone appears to still be human. He may just know I want another round, but he still can't actually fill the entire order before I get to him.

My momentary joy over that little detail is quickly smothered under the wet blanket of feeling Buffy's hand on my shoulder preventing me from standing back up. The girl cannot possibly be a full hundred pounds without including her purse. My attempts to rise should be simply lifting her with me. Yet I somehow find myself firmly detained. I've said it before, I'll say it again, Slayers are such cheaters.

Buffy stares down at me balefully. "So... you know?" Oh for fucks sake.

I'd bet money this is going to be round three about my Superman joke. But if you want to fight about it you're going to at least have to specify what you're mad about. "I know a lot of stuff about all sorts of things..." Buffy's suddenly looking smug enough that I suspect she was vague on purpose. Maybe letting Faith know how much it bothers me was a mistake? Then again, If Buffy wants to play... "But unless you want to hear about a randomly selected topic, such as Joyce and my concerns regarding your increasingly obvious anorexia..?"

"That's not what- I am not anorexic!"

I just barely manage to resist the urge to put my hand on her shoulder for fear of her ripping it off. "It's okay, Buffy. They say admitting you have a problem is the hardest part."

"I am not anorexic! I eat plenty of- ...Jack?"

A plethora of horrifying mental images assault my mind. "I don't know what sort of kinky shit you're into, but you most certainly will not be eating me. Gods, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. I didn't even know I could do that."

Her eyes narrow at me as she points at the mirror running along the back of the bar. "You don't have a reflection."

"Really, Buffy?" I roll my eyes and sigh exaggeratedly. "How is this news? No photos or recordings remember? Reflections are similar, and I don't have one of them either... But stop it. You're deflecting, and it's beneath you. Here I am trying to talk to you about genuine concerns your mother and I have, and you're going to harp on the obvious as a ploy to avoid the issue?"

"I am not anor- ... I came over here to talk to you about Angel. Not my perfectly healthy diet."

Well... shit. She's on to me.

Fortunately for me, this is why I make a point to always keep my stories straight. "Well, first of all, using Giles and your mother as alibis for each other falls apart real fast if you talk to both of them. Plus, if you and Faith keep coming home smelling like the same vampire but aren't complaining about..."

---Driving Home Sunday---

"What's with all the boxes in the back of the truck?"

"Just some stuff I picked up at auction, and a shipment of supplies I ordered from Emil."

"Oooh. The weapons guy? Get anythin good?"

"Nothing major. Just a couple kilos of plastique explosives and another one of those arm mounted collapsible swords so you could have your own."

"Wicked!"

"...Jack..." Amy blinks at me over her coffee while Faith... opens the window to the truck bed?

"Yes, Amy? What can I- Faith! No! Bad Faith! No crawling into the bed of the truck while I'm on the highway! You can have the sword when we get home. Fuck's sake, woman!" Driving is hard enough without your distractingly fantastic ass filling my rear view mirror.

Heh... Rear view mirror.

...

Wow... Apparently I'm still twelve at heart. I'd hang my head in shame for that pun if I weren't busy driving.

"Did I hear you say... plastique explosives?" I almost gear up for a fight before I note that Amy sounds... excited? She smells excited too.

I wonder if I should be alarmed that Amy finds explosives arousing?

The sound of Harmony slapping Faith's ass and giggling drags me back to the problem at hand. I groan. "Faith... please tell me you aren't actually stuckthere?"

Faiths angry sounding response is far too muffled to hear, but her legs kicking a few times helplessly answers my question just fine. I suppose I should be grateful she isn't using her slayer strength to break Sheila and free herself.

---Winters Residence - Kitchen : Tuesday Morning---

Reading the morning paper I note that Mr. Randomly Selected made the front page. Skimming through the article… yes! The police investigation found his wife's remains in the basement.

Not too clear on why he chose a hammer for that one. Maybe my mind wandered when planting the instructions? Still… he flew into a rage upon seeing the target just like he was supposed to. Looks like he even managed to get three more people before the cops put him down. Not bad for a few afternoons worth of work. Or I suppose going on a few weeks worth of work if you include my time with Bane over at Arkham. Either way, conditional triggers are clearly within the realm of my capabilities.

I wonder how hard it would be to convince Dr. Walsh to start a study on soldiers suffering PTSD? Or maybe… what would let me talk to pilots? There is definitely some potential-

"Can I have the comics?"

"Gah!" I sigh. "Good morning, Faith." How you can be a herd of elephants most of the day and yet still sneak up on me… I need to buy you a damned bell. I hand over the comics section of the paper while Faith pours herself some fruit loops. "... Is Amy not up yet?"

"Nah. Ames was up late last night talkin to Harms about stuff for homecomin. She'll probably be down after a few more snoozes."

"I'll pour her an extra coffee to go then." I should probably add looking into this world's version of Dresden's sleep potions to the list. Being able to drink a four hour nap would probably do wonders for my entire team. Though with my luck, it would have a side effects list including subconscious manifestations like Lorne's. "So you and Amy are going to homecoming?"

Apparently I should count myself lucky that Faith considers eating to be serious business because instead of distractedly over pouring, she puts the milk container down before looking up and glaring at me. "Yes. We are all goin to homecoming. I'm going with B, cause Scott's a Jackass. And you are taking Ames."

Joy... That's Faith's 'I will forcibly carry you there if you don't move it' voice. Grasping at my last chance to avoid a high school dance, I ask, "If you're going with Buffy instead of Amy... Who's going with Harmony?"

---The Espresso Pump : Early Wednesday Morning---

What had begun as an exercise in focus and discipline, not to mention a way of distracting myself from my recent discovery that I would be attending the Homecoming dance whether I liked it or not, was-

...sigh...

And also from the fact that my sleepy witch is moaning blissfully again as she starts in on her second iced coffee. She's doing it in that throaty sort of way that makes me think of- No. Bad brain. She can light me on fire, and if I burn I'm taking you with me.

ANYWAY! Wrenching my attention back to the two middle aged men sitting a few tables over, whose discussion over who "really" killed Kennedy took an interesting turn when it turned out that the thinner one, with the funny hair cut that makes him kind of remind me of Moe from the three stooges, was apparently aware that magic is real- Though, I suppose, if anyone was going to sort that out on their own it'd be a Sunnydale Native- and thus 'likely' to be involved. It's not a bad theory if you ignore the bit where he was shot just as dead in the world without magic that Father came from and I can hardly fault Moe for not knowing that.

In either case, the other guy... umm... let's call him Larry? He almost has the hair for it and it'll keep things consistent... Yeah. Larry. He didn't laugh and mock Moe for believing in magic. Again: Sunnydale Natives, nothing quite like them; They either enthusiastically bury their heads in the sand or pull a Bats.

And so, instead of derisive dismissal, I'm watching them have a perfectly reasonable conversation about- huh...

...

You know, I'd never really paused to consider how conspiracy theorists managed to pass their odd notions on from one to another prior to the internet really taking off before. Not that coffee shops would have occurred to me if I had.

I wonder how hard it was for Moe to find out that Larry was a like-minded individual? How many others now avoid them in the halls at work for fear of being trapped in a crazy seeming conver...sa...tion...

My fingers, previously drumming on the table, stall out as a thought occurs to me.

I've been looking for a backup plan in case I can't think of a way to dissuade my favorite Mayor from turning himself into a snake, since the only thing I can think of to stop him is letting him know how the story ends and... No. Just... No. That conversation is never happening with the Mayor. But, since I suspect letting him eat our graduating class would annoy my witch, not to mention my Sister, I need to have a plan for dealing with the results.

Plus, even if I do manage to find a way to keep Wilkins from leaving office; I could always point them at Rack instead, or do that either way, so it's not like the effort would be wasted. In any case, those backup plans would need to be something that wouldn't trace back to me if it doesn't pan out.

Something... like arranging for the local broken clocks to have their twice a day moment in the Mayor's general direction?

Yes... I do believe that might work.

They'll need help, but... I've seen the two of them in here before. If they aren't 'regulars' then they're near enough as to not matter. It wouldn't be too hard to redirect others here at the appropriate times, and I can't imagine convincing someone to listen through their whole theory would be any harder than driving them into a rage fueled killing spree on cue was.

Well... not to an insurmountable degree anyway.

Now... who else should I send their way? I mean, if I were a hapless villager looking to take out the ancient wizard, how would I go about it?

My phone beeps.

...

Huh. Tempus Fugit. It's time to get a move on if we want to make it to class on time.

---Sunnydale High : Homecoming---

"Dude. How did you get two dates?" The third random guy in as many minutes to ask me that grins stupidly at me.

I point at Faith out on the middle of the dance floor. "I made the mistake of letting my sister know I didn't want to be here. I was told in no uncertain terms to shut up and have fun." I plaster on the smile I'm told is extra creepy and wait for the moron to piss off.

His idiocy apparently exceeds my patience, so I send him packing with a nudge of thrall. I shake my head as he runs off and spot Amy walking towards me in the corner of my eye. Well, at least I'll be in good company tonight.

"Jack, stop scaring the villagers and come dance with me."

I smile, this time for real. "Yes, Amy."