Cosmos Quest (Naruto/Lupin III)

[FurikoMaru]

[1] Troll route. "Not as much as you're going to regret that shirt when you look back at pictures of yourself, I assure you. Yikes."

[6] Fujiko route. "Ara, and what do you suppose Sakkun will think of you when he asks me why I'm avoiding him, and I tell him the truth?"

[3] Oh, she did not just insult the clan. That's it bitch, let's go. Cutting insults at 20 paces.

[1] "I'm pathetic? I'm not losing to a shabby little tomboy from a nothing little clan. Get your act together."


AMI

INO

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE KOMBAT~!

[embed=425,349]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lRWKEG11LFs[/embed]

 

[Larekko12]

When you have won leaving your opponent broken and utterly yours without a single blow, that is true victory.

 

[nightblade]

If we can hear chakra where it pass by the tenketsu we could probably use the Jyuuken like a hyuga could. and even if we can't we can still use it to attack the chakra system or peoples organs. Man the hyuuga are going to be pissed at us.

 

[FurikoMaru]

[X] "Ara, and what do you suppose Sakkun will think of you when he asks me why I'm avoiding him, and I tell him the truth?"


You are Kuwabara Ami, and you are a daring heroine fighting to save your beloved prince from a creepy little witch who's seduced him.

"He'll be mad at first, but when he finds out how awful you are he'll be glad he has a real friend looking out for him!" you say defiantly.

Fuki-chan says you're just getting carried away (the 'like you always do' is left unsaid), but you know what you know. You've read Icha Icha Paradise cover to cover three times (it's one of the only books your dad owns) and you know how bad girls make boys like them.

First they start in with the physical violence to see if the boy's tough enough to be worth dating, then they tease them and hug them and act like they wanna be friends and cast magic spells on their pants, and then they do naked stuff with them. And then the naked stuff makes the boy love them.

You grit your teeth. Sasuke is supposed to love you; the prince always falls in love with the pretty servant girl and takes her away to his castle. That's how it works.

It took three months of running errands for Mori-san and washing dishes at Jeshika-sama's restaurant, but it was all worth it the day you could afford your Academy textbooks. That was the deal you and dad made; you pay your own way, and you can train to be a kunoichi instead of going into the family business.

"Don't see what the difference is," he muttered as you shook hands.

I'll make you see the difference.

The day you first set foot in the Konoha Ninja Academy was the happiest of your life, and not just because it was the first day you laid eyes on the Uchiha prince.

That was the day you learned how to hit back.

And now a clan heiress, someone who's never had to work a day in her life, someone who's always going to have two surrogate brothers to protect her from all harm, someone who already has everything... wants to have Sasuke too.

You don't give two shits out a whore's anus that she's won every fight you've seen her have that wasn't against your prince. This bitch is going down.

You're scared, sure. Who wouldn't be? And it's because she wins fights, not because she talks like your dad's friends and dresses like them and gives you that same look like you're part of the furniture...

"Oh my," the witch replies, putting a hand to her mouth. "I had no idea you two were so close. I'm so sorry; please know I had no intention of coming between any preexisting understanding you had with Sakkun."

You blink. Okay... you weren't expecting her to be this reasonable. Maybe this wasn't such a suicidal idea. You don't know why she's talking like that, though; in a way it's even creepier than hearing her talk like a hoodlum.

"Glad we've got that cleared up," you say, turning to go, thanking every god you know of that you didn't actually have to fight her.

"I have a question," Ino says, and you tense up despite yourself.

"What is it?"

You can practically hear her smile. "Why does Sakkun like tomatoes so much? I've always wondered and he won't tell me. He'll say only that it's something personal between him and his mother."

... Sasuke likes tomatoes? Involuntarily, your mind runs through all the recipes you know with tomatoes in them. A good wife is a good cook, after all.

"I don't know," you're forced to admit.

"Oh." She sounds genuinely disappointed. "Well, perhaps you could tell me something else, then; his birthday's in a couple of days and I was wondering what to get him. I thought maybe a pair of gloves - he's always training, after all, and there's only so many times you can punch a post before it gives you a wicked splinter. But then he mentioned the other day that he doesn't like wrapping his hands because it makes it harder for him to make a proper fist, so maybe gloves would have the same problem. Has he mentioned to you what he wants for his birthday?"

"... no," you grind out.

"I see."

Fuck her. Fuck her forever and fuck her stupid voice that sounds like she's laughing at everything and fuck your stupid weak eyes for tearing up.

A hand comes down on your shoulder, and you turn to look into the stupid smug face of Yamanaka Ino.

"I guess neither of us know Sakkun well enough to be his girlfriend."

[X] Explode. Let the bitch have it.

[X] Cry. Why? Why can't anything ever be easy for you, ever?

[X] Run. Run home and pretend this never happened.

 

[EnderofWorlds]

[X] Cry. Why? Why can't anything ever be easy for you, ever?

 

[nightblade]

Man i feel bad now.

[X] Explode. Let the bitch have it.

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

Oh my. I am impressed. Nicely done sympathetic perspective.

Hmm....make the right choice and we can probably turn Ami into a friend....might close other doors...

To hell with it. I am too intrigued with where you might go with this.

[X] Cry. Why? Why can't anything ever be easy for you, ever?

 

[Vindictus]

[X] Cry. Why? Why can't anything ever be easy for you, ever?

Minion get? Mebbe?

 

[Larekko12]

*Wilts*

Now I feel like a heel and I feel dirty. We're just like a our supposition of a lollipop.



[X] Cry. Why? Why can't anything ever be easy for you, ever?

 

[FurikoMaru]

) FURIKO. WIN. FLAWLESS. VICTORY. 8)

 

[R.A.G.]

well damn, we're probably never doing that again.

I probably should have expected this but I forgot this was Naruto, where everybody has a tragic back-story.

[X] Cry. Why? Why can't anything ever be easy for you, ever?

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

) FURIKO. WIN. FLAWLESS. VICTORY. 8)

Click to shrink...

Damn right you win! You turn even the one dimensional nobodies that we don't care about and give them life. This, this is damn interesting perspective. Distorted view of how things worth, (young girl reading Icha-Icha? That's...surprisingly believable if disquieting), have her work to get in here, and Ino has everything she wishes she could have and has the ability and maturity to utterly outclass Ami.

Put that way, us being so damn good would make others feel horribly inadequate. Not that we should ever stop, it's a shinobi-eat-shinobi world and if you can't handle self-esteem issues, better to be miserable and alive than over-confident and dead, but I do feel a little bad.

The novelty of Ami's situation helps a great deal.

 

[nightblade]

well damn, we're probably never doing that again.

I probably should have expected this but I forgot this was Naruto, where everybody has a tragic back-story.

[X] Cry. Why? Why can't anything ever be easy for you, ever?

Click to shrink...

Kakuza and Deidora don't have a tragic back story. Nether does Hiden if i remember right.

 

[Pipeman]

[X] Cry. Why? Why can't anything ever be easy for you, ever?

Edit:

Kakuza and Deidora don't have a tragic back story. Nether does Hiden if i remember right.

Click to shrink...

Regarding Kakuzu:

When he was still a loyal, elite ninja of Takigakure, Kakuzu took on a mission to assassinate Hashirama Senju, the First Hokage. This mission, however, ended in failure due to the might of Hashirama's Wood Release techniques. Despite the insurmountable danger faced on the mission, what awaited his return to his village was the stigma and harsh punishment associated with the failure of his objective. In response to this treatment, a wrong levied against a shinobi who had put life and limb on the line for his village, Kakuzu came to hold a violent hatred for his village as he escaped from imprisonment. In his flight from the village, Kakuzu killed the village elders, took their hearts, and fled with knowledge of the village's most prized forbidden techniques. He made a living off bounty hunting on the black market, and tearing out the still-beating hearts of powerful shinobi to extend his own lifespan.

Click to shrink...

One can easily conclude that his immense greed, interest in money and even his tendency to kill his partners all stem from the massive trust issues he developed.

Regarding Deidara, you'd have to fluff his past up a bit, but it's still doable.
Maybe, all he ever wanted to be was an artist, but due to his talents and being owner of a rare kekei genkai, he was pushed into becoming a ninja and eventually Onoki's pupil.
The amount of pressure on him increased more and more, until he eventually developed his twisted perception of art as a way to vent while keeping up with expectations.
Eventually, he still cracked and became a missing nin.
Then Itachi came by and casually surpassed his art, the only thing he ever took pride and joy in, without even being an artist.

I can't be bothered to go through this with Hidan, but there was probably, or at least should be, a reason he became a crazy cultist, that killed his neighbours and became a missing nin.

 

[Guile]

(x) You can feel your eyes watering, but don't give in just yet. Aren't you Kuwabara Ami? Don't give in to her peer pressure and empathy and shit! Didn't she just say he wasn't hers yet? Sasuke WILL be yours!

Or perhaps more pithy, "Drop dead, bitch!"

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

Actually, you know what? Changing vote.

[X] Explode. Let the bitch have it.

Because voting to make a little girl cry and spill her guts to us in sheer vulnerability is a dick move. It's essentially having her break down in front of Ino, just so Ino can play the good guy. The nice girl. The hero.

Screw that, I'll let Ami have some pride. I rather like the plucky girl who paid her own way into Ninja Academy.

 

[Larekko12]

Actually, you know what? Changing vote.

[X] Explode. Let the bitch have it.

Because voting to make a little girl cry and spill her guts to us in sheer vulnerability is a dick move. It's essentially having her break down in front of Ino, just so Ino can play the good guy. The nice girl. The hero.

Screw it, I'll let Ami have some pride.

Click to shrink...

That's ... only gonna end with Ami on her but.. We can't vote to let Ino take it and her beating.

Damn right you win! You turn even the one dimensional nobodies that we don't care about and give them life. This, this is damn interesting perspective. Distorted view of how things worth, (young girl reading Icha-Icha? That's...surprisingly believable if disquieting), have her work to get in here, and Ino has everything she wishes she could have and has the ability and maturity to utterly outclass Ami.

Put that way, us being so damn good would make others feel horribly inadequate. Not that we should ever stop, it's a shinobi-eat-shinobi world and if you can't handle self-esteem issues, better to be miserable and alive than over-confident and dead, but I do feel a little bad.

The novelty of Ami's situation helps a great deal.

Click to shrink...

The Reincarnation and the ten times the effect for half the effort really make it burn. We're a clan brat!

 

[Selias]

Ah, what the hell.
[X] Explode. Let the bitch have it.
We can still be her rival after that.

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

That's ... only gonna end with Ami on her but.. We can't vote to let Ino take it and her beating.

Click to shrink...

Why the hell would we have Ino take? Why would she take it?

She won't, if Ami fights, Ami gets her butt kicked. But at least Ami gets to have the guts to try, instead of breaking down in tears, right in front of her friends and enemy.

The Reincarnation and the ten times the effect for half the effort really make it burn. We're a clan brat!

Click to shrink...

We are waaaaaaaaaaay too good to be a brat.

 

[FurikoMaru]

Damn right you win! You turn even the one dimensional nobodies that we don't care about and give them life. This, this is damn interesting perspective. Distorted view of how things worth, (young girl reading Icha-Icha? That's...surprisingly believable if disquieting), have her work to get in here, and Ino has everything she wishes she could have and has the ability and maturity to utterly outclass Ami.

Put that way, us being so damn good would make others feel horribly inadequate. Not that we should ever stop, it's a shinobi-eat-shinobi world and if you can't handle self-esteem issues, better to be miserable and alive than over-confident and dead, but I do feel a little bad.

The novelty of Ami's situation helps a great deal.

Click to shrink...

Well, I worked from the premise that she's somehow in the Clan kid-dominated class despite not being anyone important (we don't even learn her last name; I just picked my favourite underdog surname and gave it to her). That led me to decide to have her be civilian-born, the way we always thought Sakura was, which led me to the reason she would be mad at Ino; a combination of feelings of inadequacy for being the one person in her class who can't just go to a relative for homework advice or ask for kunai for her birthday, and idolization of the ultimate in ninja backgrounds, the Uchiha Clan.

And then I wondered what kind of civilian parent would be cool with their daughter becoming a shinobi, and the obvious answer was 'a shitty one'.

And then I decided to punch myself in the feels and Matilda that shit, so now Ami grows up in a household where reading primarily involves racing forms and two special ledgers she's not allowed to tell anyone about, one of which is kept locked in her dad's desk and the other in the wall safe behind the painting of the topless lady.

In short (rather late for that but whatever), I wanted to build an environment that inspires pity but also makes canonical sense. I mean, can you think of a better cliche breeding ground for a bully than what I just described?

I also wanted to have a chance to show just how disquieting Ino is from the outside. Liam-don mentioned it in Wallflower Quest, way back after the kidnapping when Hinata gave a formal apology to that friend of Jiraiya's, but someone under the age of ten should not be naturally eloquent. They should not be observant and insightful. When they are, it is profoundly creepy to anyone who isn't used to them, especially other kids. Shika and Chouji are kind of inured to it because you grew up together, Kiba just thinks you're weird the way all girls are weird, and Sasuke thinks Itachi is normal. And the cats are just pleased to have finally found a human kid who develops at a sensible rate; fuck this ten years of childhood bullshit!

Anyone else remember seeing the expressions on new people's faces change when you spoke to them, growing up (don't even pretend to be modest, all of you at least think you were and are above average)? Multiply that by ten. That's what someone's dealing with when they talk to Ino. On the one hand she gets a social boost because the adult she sorta is is a gregarious, friendly guy; on the other, he's also an arrogant sexist nympho whose speech patterns really don't suit a cute little blonde cherub, so girls whose instincts are sharp have a natural disinclination to want to be Ino's friend.

That's why I included a Hinata option. Hinata is a sheltered, introverted girl whose instincts are so fucked up thanks to her childhood trauma that in canon she thinks Naruto is admirable for being a stubborn jackass who doesn't know how to come at a problem more than one way. If you're nice to her and model effective behaviour, such as Victory By Third Option, you'll have a friend for life.

Of course, there is still the matter of Ami to discuss.

*Gendopose*

 

[useless101]

[X] Explode. Let the bitch have it.

I think Ami would make a better rival than a friend.

If Ami breaks down crying Ino could have pity on her and make friends, but it would be just that - pity.

Ami may have an abrasive personality, but that's actually a good thing in her chosen career, and interesting in a rival. She's got a drive to succeed, a good work ethic, and a good bit of self-confidence. She's better kunoichi material than the rest of her class's canon females. Not that any of them are stunning examples of capable women at this age.

The pickings are slim for a good sparring partner/ambush rival in Ino's age group, but a motivated Ami might push them both to to grow.

Of course, this could all end in tears and drop outs, but I'm hopeful.

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

*slow clap for Furiko*

Well said, well said.



As for Ami....honestly, I don't think Ami would like us very much if she broke down. Even if we were nice. Now that Furiko has touched on how profoundly creepy Ino can be, especially when she can shift personas and voices at the drop of a hat, Ami will probably never be comfortable with Ino unless she trusts her.

And, well, we haven't given a whole lot of reason to be trusted.

We don't even have a hard work backstory to relate with her, because Ino is a genius. She is one of the people for whom complex tasks are trivial. She's never really lost, so she can't relate to how difficult things are for others. And we've seen that happen a lot.

Wel....I suppose it'll be interesting. But I think a more solid friendship is to be found from Ami standing her ground and trying to reach Ino's level, instead of breaking down and Ino trying to pull her up.

 

[Jiven]

Well played. Very well played. I was surprised.

[X] Explode. Let the bitch have it.

 

[Malcolmo]

[X] Explode. Let the bitch have it.

 

[Larekko12]

Why the hell would we have Ino take? Why would she take it?

She won't, if Ami fights, Ami gets her butt kicked. But at least Ami gets to have the guts to try, instead of breaking down in tears, right in front of her friends and enemy.

Click to shrink...

Empathy she speaks to me. But really it's just me wanting Ino to feel like the heel I feel like right now. The cry vote that was.

But yeah. Switching gears

[x]Make your will check to paragon! Don't explode yourself, don't break down, and don't run goddamn I ran out of steam for this halfway though the sentence.

[x]Cunt Punt a bitch.

That's why I included a Hinata option. Hinata is a sheltered, introverted girl whose instincts are so fucked up thanks to her childhood trauma that in canon she thinks Naruto is admirable for being a stubborn jackass who doesn't know how to come at a problem more than one way. If you're nice to her and model effective behaviour, such as Victory By Third Option, you'll have a friend for life.

Of course, there is still the matter of Ami to discuss.

*Gendopose*

Click to shrink...

Eh That's all you think of naruto?

We are waaaaaaaaaaay too good to be a brat.

Click to shrink...

It's the demeanor not skills.

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

It's the demeanor not skills.

Click to shrink...

And we have an adult's demeanor. Adult skills, adult demeanor. A brat, we are not.

Better than her, we are.

Tough fact of life. Genius are out there, they can utterly outstrip you. Met some myself. Some people really can do everything you can do, better, and with less effort.

Life just ain't fair, and the world owes you nothing. Now, the people who insist that it should be? Those are the ones I'd say skirt into brat territory.

 

[FurikoMaru]

[X] AMI SMASH PUNY THIEF GIRL!

The punch is easily avoided, but you still wince. That look on her face...

You were expecting anger, of course (that was kinda the goal), but Ami's expression... and the scream in her chakra, like a bow wrenched across three strings at once...

This... might be about more than just Sasuke.

"Drop dead, you whore!" she shouts. "So what if you know more about Sasuke than I do? I'd rather know nothing about him than trick him into being my friend like you did!"

"Again, where was there a trick?" You're getting a bit indignant, despite yourself. "If you want to be his friend, talk to the guy. Talk to him about stuff both of you like. That's all I did."

"Liar!"

Oh. Oh, fuck, she's crying. D: What do you do what do you do? Usually tears mean hugs, but these are like, rage-tears, what do you do with rage-tears? And she's still trying to hit you. Fuck! Why are girls so fucking complicated?!

"It's the truth!" you insist. You toy with the idea of just grabbing her wrists and shaking the stupid out of her, but from the look of things she really needs to let off some steam and go at her own pace for a bit.

"What is it that you think I did, exactly?" you ask her.

"YOU STOLE HIS VIRGINITY!" >: <

For a moment the only sound is Ami panting and trying to get her tears under control.

Finally, you say...

[X] "... wait, how do you steal virginity? If you take it from someone else, then you've had sex, and logically, you can't be a virgin anymore, so you don't even have your own virginity, let alone anyone else's."

[X] "Dude. Ew. We're six. Reproductive organs don't start working until puberty; Sakkun and I couldn't have sex if we wanted to. Plus did I mention we are six and ew?!"

[X] "All right, this has gone on far enough. Get this through your head: Sakkun is my friend, who is a boy, but I am not his girlfriend. Sakkun doesn't even like girls yet!" If he ever will; you have your suspicions...

------------

For you, Hymn. ^_^

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

I never shoulda given you that idea.

But what to choose...Ami hasn't gotten the birds and the bees yet (see naked stuff), so she won't get the second without clarification and even then will be confused.

Third one....that could be funny. I'm almost tempted to amend it to:

[ ] "All right, this has gone on far enough. Get this through your head: Sakkun is my friend, who is a boy, but I am not his girlfriend. Sakkun doesn't even like girls yet!"
-[ ] A beat. "Actually, we won't even know if he likes girls until he hits puberty. Gotta be open minded, ya know?"

I won't though. Cause that's just mean to poor Sasuke, going the extra mile to convince his fangirls that he's gay.

First one seems fun though. Shows off smarts, but it might get some details about sex into Ami's head. Especially if we end up a bit graphic. THAT might convince her, "Ewww, I don't want THAT stuffed up THERE!"

....Yep, made my choice.

[X] "... wait, how do you steal virginity? If you take it from someone else, then you've had sex, and logically, you can't be a virgin anymore, so you don't even have your own virginity, let alone anyone else's."



EDIT: Actually, hmm, Icha-Icha was probably just graphic enough that Ami does know the birds and the bees. Unless he didn't realize what she was reading, which is entirely possible. By which I mean, didn't understand the actions being described and how it translated into physical terms. Especially if there were enough euphemisms.

 

[Vindictus]

[X] "Dude. Ew. We're six. Reproductive organs don't start working until puberty; Sakkun and I couldn't have sex if we wanted to. Plus did I mention we are six and ew?!"

 

[nightblade]

[X] "Dude. Ew. We're six. Reproductive organs don't start working until puberty; Sakkun and I couldn't have sex if we wanted to. Plus did I mention we are six and ew?!"