Cosmos Quest (Naruto/Lupin III)

[Jiven]

[X] Well, he said he's been thinking about this. "And why is that?"

 

[Guile]

[X] Time to pretend ignorance? "Like, metaphorically forever, right? Best friends, buds to the end, one of us commits the murder and the other one's right there with the shovel? Actually being 'with me forever' would make going to the bathroom awkward."

 

[FurikoMaru]

[X] Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little boy like you

"What do you mean, what happened?" he asks sullenly.

"I mean what happened that you're out drinking by yourself at age 13, thinking about marriage and where your life is going?"

"... you could have just said no," he says bitterly, turning to go back into the restaurant.

You catch him by the shoulder. "Sasuke. What happened?"

"Nothing!" he says, shrugging you off roughly.

"Would this 'nothing' involve a certain C-rank mission to River Country with your team you took a week before I left Konoha?" you ask.

"What does that have to do with anything?" he asks in a dismissive tone of voice that indicates you are closer to the truth than he wants to admit.

You cross your arms. "You tell me."

Sasuke's sigh comes out more like a growl. "The mission went perfectly. You're mistaken if you th-"

"Oh, don't give me that, you know what I meant. What did Kakashi say to you? Or was it Naruto?" Hey, you never know; sometimes idiots say surprisingly profound things without realizing it.

"Now who's drunk?" Sasuke says scornfully. "You think I give a fuck what Naruto thinks?"

"What happened?" you repeat.

"YOU LEFT!" he blurts out, at top volume.

You blink.

Sasuke stares at the ground, flushed. "... I was stuck with those idiots for a week and a half," he mumbles sourly, "with no one to talk to. The one thing that kept me from going crazy was knowing that when I got back I could see you again." He frowns. "And then when we got back to Konoha, I found out you took a C-rank, too, and you weren't expected home for days."

"... and you think if we got married, I'd magically stop being sent on missions?" you ask, unable to keep the amusement out of your voice completely. "D'you want me to list all of the active-duty kunoichi in this village who're married? 'Cause I'd really like to get a chance to eat sometime tonight."

"You wouldn't understand," he says, shaking his head, teeth gritted as insurance against tears. "You don't know what it's like."

Aw, hell. "Oi, Sakkun..."

"Do you want to know what the worst part of my day is?" he asks, and you already know, and he already knows that you know, what he's going to say.

"It's when I go back to my apartment after training, and I turn the key in the lock, and I go inside, and all of the lights are off. Do you know why?"

You don't say anything.

"Please, Ino," he says, eyes scrunched shut. "Please, be my wife."

[X] ?

-----

You didn't think Sasuke wouldn't still be fucked up, did you?

 

[Vindictus]

Not in the slightest, no.

It is the natural state of a Sasuke to be fucked up. At any given time, unless stated otherwise, a Sasuke is presumed to be completely fucked in the head.

... That said. Not sure how to respond to this.

 

[Jiven]

I want to be bad.

[X] "You don't want a wife, you want a lamp stand."

And then point him subtly to Amy.

 

[Selias]

He wants us to be house-wife? Man, fuck that.

 

[FurikoMaru]

He wants us to be house-wife? Man, fuck that.

Click to shrink...

Sasuke doesn't know what he wants. Even if he did, he doesn't have the vocabulary to describe it; he has no context. He's grasping at the few things he does understand and trying to make them fit what he thinks his life is supposed to be like. He feels like a failure.

 

[iamnuff]

He wants us to be house-wife? Man, fuck that.

Click to shrink...

pretty sure he doesn't want a house wife, he just wants a home.


you know, because all his family are fucking dead?

that said, I'm on the "this is not the right answer" group.

unless we move in together, he's still going to go back to his lonely apartment at the end of the day, and even if we do, missions still happen.

frankly I'm not sure what we should do.

part of me kinda wants to say

[X] "sakkun, you know your my best friend the the whole wide world, right? I will always be there for you, but you have to have realized by now that I'm gay right?" (then give him a hug)

It's a little mean, and I have no idea if our Ino actually is gay or just Bi (don't tell me she's not interested in girls, i'm not buying that for a moment) but the "i'm gay" is probably the only thing i can think of that won't break his poor little orphan heart.

it's been a while since we were in Konoha, so I don't really remember, but did we ever show any attraction to Sasuke? I know we were total bros, and I know our folks tried to set something up, but I dunno if we actually "liked" him that way.

I have a half baked idea of inviting him to our place tonight, (a totally platonic sleepover, no, it shouldn't need to be said, but I'm saying it anyway) just because he's lonely.

we could probably "sneak" him into our room (no doubt our parents would notice, but hopefully they would have the grace and good sense to pretend that they didn't)

hmm, gonna re-read the thread later.

 

[FurikoMaru]

[X] "sakkun, you know your my best friend the the whole wide world, right? I will always be there for you, but you have to have realized by now that I'm gay right?"

It's a little mean, and I have no idea is our Ino actually is gay or just Bi (don't tell me she's not interested in girls, i'm not buying that for a moment) but the "i'm gay" is probably the only thing i can think of that won't break his poor little orphan heart.

Click to shrink...

Ino's bi, with a preference for men, in an inversion of Lupin's rampant boob-obsession with covert hints of interest in men.

hell, it's been a while since we were in Konoha, so I don't really remember, but did we ever show any attraction to Sasuke? I know we were bros, and I know our folks tried to set something up, but I dunno if we actually "liked" him that way.

Click to shrink...

"Just don't turn into a fangirl, okay? I asked around, and every time there's an Uchiha in a class they attract a mob of girls who lose all sense the instant they step into the room."

XD "Not much chance of that; short, friendly and innocent isn't my type."

Click to shrink...

Ino's parents didn't try to set something up; Sasuke's dad was just worried they might. And unless you guys decide otherwise, Ino doesn't think of Sasuke that way. Observe:

p.s.: If you're wondering where your brother's letter is, there isn't one. You don't have a brother anymore. He's mine now. So... that's a thing.

Click to shrink...

 

[Selias]

It's a little mean, and I have no idea if our Ino actually is gay or just Bi (don't tell me she's not interested in girls, i'm not buying that for a moment) but the "i'm gay" is probably the only thing i can think of that won't break his poor little orphan heart.

Click to shrink...

Probably bi at the most, since she's in love with Goemon. Not sure if she's actually attracted to girls, or if she can just appreciate attractive people, no matter what gender they are.
Ninja'd.

Sasuke doesn't know what he wants. Even if he did, he doesn't have the vocabulary to describe it; he has no context. He's grasping at the few things he does understand and trying to make them fit what he thinks his life is supposed to be like. He feels like a failure.

Click to shrink...

Really? That's what it sounded like, what with him not wanting her to not be around, and wanting her to be waiting with the light on. I guess I was misreading that.

 

[Selias]

EDIT: Whoops. Hit quote, instead of edit.

 

[FurikoMaru]

Not sure if she's actually attracted to girls, or if she can just appreciate attractive people, no matter what gender they are.

Click to shrink...

Nope, that's me.

... usually. I go back and forth on that.

Really? That's what it sounded like, what with him not wanting her to not be around, and wanting her to be waiting with the light on. I guess I was misreading that.

Click to shrink...

Not your fault; he's not a very articulate or communicative kid.

 

[FurikoMaru]

Probably bi at the most, since she's in love with Goemon.

Click to shrink...

Also, excuse to post Lupin/Goemon bromance amv! ;D

[embed=425,349]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vrlzZmTB45I[/embed]

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

Yeah, sounds like what Sasuke really wants is a friend/family/not to be miserably alone.

Fuuuuuuuuck. Having a hard idea coming up with a tactful way to navigate this situation. Way to throw us in the wringer Furiko. :/

I wonder, would we have avoided this if we'd been Sasuke teammate by dint of Sasuke having someone friendly around, or would we just have a different form of fucked up? Sasuke thinking he's losing us to others also seems likely.

 

[hunter09]

The only ideas I have is either sasuke sleeps over at Ino's or her at his place a few times a week when their both in town in a family way, and right now we might have to sikp dinner and take him home.

 

[Guile]

Yeah, man is not an island, and all that.

[X] You know what works just as well as a wife for that? A roomie.
Hey dad, just wanted to let you know I'm moving out and into a flat with Sasuke and Ami! Free from all parental supervision, not terribly long after a mutually traumatic experience that causes us all to lean on one another more than is normal or healthy for a 13 year old! Bye~!

More seriously, Sasuke still has all those empty homes from the Uchiha compound, right? He should rent them out, fill in the old memories with new ones. We've got a whole crew of kids who are now legally adults and might want to move out from under their parents' aegis, for one.

Nope, that's me.

... usually. I go back and forth on that.

Click to shrink...

Riiight there with you. Beautiful woman, well-dressed man, what's it matter?

 

[Disminded]

[X] You know what works just as well as a wife for that? A roomie.
Hey dad, just wanted to let you know I'm moving out and into a flat with Sasuke and Ami! Free from all parental supervision, not terribly long after a mutually traumatic experience that causes us all to lean on one another more than is normal or healthy for a 13 year old! Bye~!

 

[Jack Trade]

[X] You know what works just as well as a wife for that? A roomie.
Hey dad, just wanted to let you know I'm moving out and into a flat with Sasuke and Ami! Free from all parental supervision, not terribly long after a mutually traumatic experience that causes us all to lean on one another more than is normal or healthy for a 13 year old! Bye~!

 

[Fallenblades643]

The loneliness is getting to him. Going home to an empty house every night must be tearing him apart far more then is ever really let on...

We need to go one step further. We need to take the entire gang and bunk up in the same building.

 

[hunter09]

[X] You know what works just as well as a wife for that? A roomie.
Hey dad, just wanted to let you know I'm moving out and into a flat with Sasuke and Ami! Free from all parental supervision, not terribly long after a mutually traumatic experience that causes us all to lean on one another more than is normal or healthy for a 13 year old! Bye~!

 

[Selias]

[X] You know what works just as well as a wife for that? A roomie.

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

Miiiiight not wanna have it just be Sasuke and Ami if people try roomie. That's rumor fodder if I ever heard it. Get Sasuke a bunkmate.

 

[Disminded]

Miiiiight not wanna have it just be Sasuke and Ami if people try roomie. That's rumor fodder if I ever heard it. Get Sasuke a bunkmate.

Click to shrink...

... Does Rock Lee need a place to live?

 

[Guile]

Yeah, that was a joke. Honestly, most of the named characters in our age cohort are clan heirs, so I'm not sure if it's at all feasible for them to get a swingin' bachelor pad (/entire section of Konoha). But the basic theory that Sasuke needs people and he has a shitton of empty real estate is sound.

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

It probably isn't. Not the people Sasuke LIKES at any rate. Naruto does not sound like he's on the list at this point in time and he's the only one who's got no reason not to up and move. Also, the people with families may want to be staying with their families.

Alternatively, invite Sasuke to crash at Ino's house. That'd require us talking with the family though, and they may not like it. Especially if Sasuke is serious about courting Ino and this isn't just a drunken idea. I'm still not sure whether or not it's spur of the moment, or he's just been so mired in depression that the liquid courage just helped him out and say it.

Sounds like Kakashi's usual teammate spiel has fallen on deaf ears. Instead of making connections, Sasuke is just wishing for the connections he's already made with other people.

....Damn, yeah, more I think about it it's not people in general Sasuke needs, but specific people. And apparently we're his favorite person right now. Shiiiiiiiit.

 

[FurikoMaru]

[X] Let's talk about all the good things and the bad things that may be

You sigh, and smile in embarrassment.

"Sasuke. Do you have the hots for me?"

Ouch. Well, it's nothing you didn't know already, but there's no reason for him to actually flinch. It's not like you're some hideous cow-ogre or something.

"You're a beautiful girl, Ino," he says. You nod.

"I know. But that isn't what I asked you."

He looks slightly confused. "What does it matter?" Then his eyes widen. "No, Ino, I promise, I promise you never have to do anything like that if you don't want to. I'm not asking for that reason."

"Yeah..." you say, laughing quietly, your decision made. "That's what I thought. And that is why I can't say yes."

There are other reasons, sure; your still-untapped Ranton bloodline clashing with the Sharingan in any kids you may have, both of you being first in line to be clan-heads, the fact that Ami's your best friend, and just how little you want to get married to anyone, frankly, especially not before you even make chuunin.

Sasuke looks like he's just had an electric shock.

"A marriage isn't just a business deal or a way to solidify a friendship for me, Sasuke," you explain. "I'm a Yamanaka. We marry for love, or not at all."

"Love is more than just sex!" he snarls.

"Yeah, it's a lot of other things, mixed in with sex," you retort. "I'm too young to be thinking about marriage anyway, but marriage to someone who's never going to touch me beyond a goodbye kiss, for the rest of my life? I can't do it, Sakkun. I'm sorry."

He stands stock still, staring at you, as tears slowly well up in his eyes.

"Hey..." You hold out a handkerchief. "You know what they call a person who lives in your house and leaves the light on for you?" you ask.

He ignores the tissue, furiously wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "What?" he spits.

"A roommate," you say, grinning. "So when's a good day for us to move in?"

He blinks, and stares at you. "... you mean...?"

"I say 'us' because Ami and I have been talking about getting a place," you go on, "and it wouldn't be very fair of us to ditch her. Besides, the state you're in? The more people you have around you the better." You think for a moment, and are forced to conceal your surprise when you realize that Sasuke doesn't really have all that many friends. Hm. "Bet we could talk Shika-chan into moving in, too, if we offer to carry his stuff for him; be harder for his mom to get on his case if he isn't always home."

Sasuke is officially emotionally-adrift; he looks like you just socked him in the stomach and then handed him a chocolate bar. "You'll... you'll stay...?" He trails off, dazed, and the tears resume their flow. He turns away from you and sits down on the ground, sobbing.

"Arararara! That's no good!" You lift his arm over your shoulders, pulling him to his feet, and hold out the hankie again. Wordlessly, he takes it, and blows his nose. When he's done he squeezes you into a headlock/one-armed hug.

"I'm. sorry," he tells the side of your head, hyperventilating between the words before descending into another bout of crying. "I'm sorry..." he sniffles, trying to get himself back under control. "I was so stupid."

You pat him on the back. "C'mon. I'll drop you off at my place, you can sleep it off on the couch. I don't want you to be alone in this kind of mood."

He shakes his head vigorously, still trying to stem the tears. "I can't let your Dad see me cry."

"Pfft! Have you ever noticed that the running theme in your life is 'picking the wrong stuff to worry about'?" you ask as the pair of you walk out of the alley. "It didn't occur to you that Dad might not give a shit about you crying but would have some pointed questions about why his daughter brought home a drunken teenage boy who says he wants to marry her?"

As if to underscore your point, Sasuke pulls away from you to vomit violently against a nearby wall.

=

Yamanaka Takae is surprised to see you return from Tanzaku Gai with a bleary-eyed Sasuke in tow, but she's quick to pull out the sofabed and get him tucked in with a bucket at his side. Fortunately for all concerned, Inoichi is already in bed.

When you get back to the restaurant, everyone is already digging into their meals.

"We didn't know whether you were coming back, so we just got you some fries," Kiba says, munching on one of them.

"What on earth took you?" Ami asks. "And where's Sasuke?"

[X] ?

-----
The GM is aware of the existence of asexual people who are not aromantic, and would like to disavow Lupino's comments to the effect that romantic love requires a sexual component.

 

[Guile]

Well that worked out pretty well. Do we go for the trollish 'He's in my bed' answer, or 'Sleeping off that sake'?

For what on earth took us? 'Apartment hunting!'

Ami already gave us mistress rights after getting Jiraiya's autograph, I wonder what she'd get us for engineering her living with Sasuke?

 

[Vindictus]

[X] "Well, long story short- Sakkun is a sad drunk. Given how much he's puking, he''ll probably be a sad sober in the morning, too."

 

[Hymn of Ragnarok]

That went better than I'd ever imagined it would. Wow.

And Sasuke is....goddamn. Drinking makes him a lot more emotional, he best treat alcohol carefully. On the other hand, if we didn't have a friend for life already, we sure as hell do now. Turning the Uchiha stronghold into a home away from home for the Rookies might turn out really well.

Congrats Guile. You struck gold here.

 

[FurikoMaru]

And Sasuke is....goddamn. Drinking makes him a lot more emotional, he best treat alcohol carefully.

Click to shrink...

Well, he's always been a still-waters-run-deep kind of guy. Like a friend of mine always says, "Don't trust a man who never drinks; there's something about himself he wants to hide."

Of course, in a lot of cases what he wants to hide is that he's an alcoholic. : P In a way, Sasuke's lucky; he doesn't have predilection towards chemical dependency, he just inherited the family yandere-ism.

On the other hand, if we didn't have a friend for life already, we sure as hell do now. Turning the Uchiha stronghold into a home away from home for the Rookies might turn out really well.

Click to shrink...

Gotta say, this is probably the only circumstance under which Sasuke'd voluntarily move back into the District. Well done Guile, swingin' that.