Cu-nosuba: God’s Blessing on This Lancer’s Holy Grail War!

[Davos]

Nonono, Gaia is the consciousness of the planet and Alaya is the collective unconsiousness of mankind that acts as his guardian via it's CG

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ah, ok. thanks!

 

[Frakir's brother]

No, I'm kinda sick of people using Sakura as a throwaway enemy to just murder in cold blood and then forget about. Whilst Rin never gets that kind of treatment.

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Dude, I like her too but you wanna know why? Because she canonically can become a threat on that level if her emotions get fucked with enough. Rin? The worst we see from her is being mildly callous

 

[alextheconqueror]

Well, you seem to be demonstrating otherwise....

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Cherry, you forget something very important, this is a fucking comedy, it doesn't need to make sense all the time it just needs to be funny

 

[Cherry Lover]

Dude, I like her too but you wanna know why? Because she canonically can become a threat on that level if her emotions get fucked with enough. Rin? The worst we see from her is being mildly callous

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Eh, Rin can absolutely end up as an enemy if you push her the right way. Sure, she's not dangerous on the level Sakura is, but I've seen plenty of people just casually killing Sakura off in a way they never do for Rin. And Medusa not caring that Sakura got killed is just completely ludicrous, canonically she'll protect Sakura to the end, no matter what she's doing.

Cherry, you forget something very important, this is a fucking comedy, it doesn't need to make sense all the time it just needs to be funny

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Yes, because murdering an abuse victim is so funny, right? If it was actually a comedic scene, you might have a point, but I don't see anything actually comedic about any of what happened there.

 

[Frakir's brother]

Eh, Rin can absolutely end up as an enemy if you push her the right way. Sure, she's not dangerous on the level Sakura is, but I've seen plenty of people just casually killing Sakura off in a way they never do for Rin. And Medusa not caring that Sakura got killed is just completely ludicrous, canonically she'll protect Sakura to the end, no matter what she's doing.

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The Medusa thing is bad characterization yes. As for your point on Rin, that's the thing Rin can be an enemy but she's not a threat to the innocent in the same way Sakura canonically can be. HF turns lots of people into Teemu Kiritsugu. People can forgive attempted murder on the protagonist, but mass death on the scale of a natural disaster?

 

[alextheconqueror]

Yes, because murdering an abuse victim is so funny, right? If it was actually a comedic scene, you might have a point, but I don't see anything actually comedic about any of what happened there.

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Did we read the same scene? Everything in the chapter was comedy coded, since the dread of Cu being the one to do the job instead of Scathatch seeing how much he jobbed, Kazuma using steal without expecting that Shishou was going commando, Gudako being a dealer of kinky clothes and "Becoming the waifu", Eris peeking into Kazuma and Rin private time without knowing and many more, even the last part had jokes and avoiding to have serious moments, even the reveal of Dark Sakura was a joke

 

[Cherry Lover]

The Medusa thing is bad characterization yes. As for your point on Rin, that's the thing Rin can be an enemy but she's not a threat to the innocent in the same way Sakura canonically can be. HF turns lots of people into Teemu Kiritsugu. People can forgive attempted murder on the protagonist, but mass death on the scale of a natural disaster?

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Yeah, I know, a lot of the fanbase are edgelords who want to murder an innocent abuse victim because of things she had no control over, and will intentionally make those things happen to give themselves an excuse to murder her in their fic.

Did we read the same scene? Everything in the chapter was comedy coded, since the dread of Cu being the one to do the job instead of Scathatch seeing how much he jobbed, Kazuma using steal without expecting that Shishou was going commando, Gudako being a dealer of kinky clothes and "Becoming the waifu", Eris peeking into Kazuma and Rin private time without knowing and many more, even the last part had jokes and avoiding to have serious moments, even the reveal of Dark Sakura was a joke

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Yeah, not saying there wasn't comedy in the chapter, but murdering Sakura is definitely not comedic. Not that I'm ever going to find something like that funny, because the "joke" is entirely at Sakura's expense, whilst everyone else gets to carry on as normal.

 

[Frakir's brother]

Yeah, I know, a lot of the fanbase are edgelords who want to murder an innocent abuse victim because of things she had no control over, and will intentionally make those things happen to give themselves an excuse to murder her in their fic.

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You see, that's where I disagree. I'm not gonna claim Sakura deserves it, but she's not at a level I would call "innocent abuse victim". At some point lashing out and killing people removes the innocent status, even even though she shouldn't be killed because of it. Assuming that non-lethal options exist of course.

 

[Cherry Lover]

You see, that's where I disagree. I'm not gonna claim Sakura deserves it, but she's not at a level I would call "innocent abuse victim". At some point lashing out and killing people removes the innocent status, even even though she shouldn't be killed because of it. Assuming that non-lethal options exist of course.

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Sakura isn't "lashing out", though, she's got no conscious control of anything that's happening, nor is it being done out of malice, but rather an instinctual need for magical energy. The only time you can even remotely claim she's "lashing out" is as Dark Sakura, and Dark Sakura doesn't actually kill anyone besides Shinji, Zouken and Kotomine. Not to mention that she's very obviously insane by that point.

 

[alextheconqueror]

Yeah, not saying there wasn't comedy in the chapter, but murdering Sakura is definitely not comedic. Not that I'm ever going to find something like that funny, because the "joke" is entirely at Sakura's expense, whilst everyone else gets to carry on as normal.

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I think it's because you see everything related to Sakura in a too serious lense, wich is fair but is no reason to make a fuss

 

[Cherry Lover]

I think it's because you see everything related to Sakura in a too serious lense, wich is fair but is no reason to make a fuss

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Eh, at best Sakura is just there to provide an excuse for comedy and maybe to act as the butt of the joke (and a very nasty joke at that) on occasion. Obviously, yes, I don't find it funny because it's Sakura, but I also find the whole plot aspect very distasteful, especially given that no-one seems to care (which isn't even played for comedy, it's just not mentioned).

 

[Davos]

Eh, at best Sakura is just there to provide an excuse for comedy and maybe to act as the butt of the joke (and a very nasty joke at that) on occasion. Obviously, yes, I don't find it funny because it's Sakura, but I also find the whole plot aspect very distasteful, especially given that no-one seems to care (which isn't even played for comedy, it's just not mentioned).

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Her death wasn't meant to be comedic or apathetic...I admit I am a little tunnel visioned on endings so this, along with Medusa's part, was underdeveloped

 

[Cherry Lover]

Her death wasn't meant to be comedic or apathetic...I admit I am a little tunnel visioned on endings so this, along with Medusa's part, was underdeveloped

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Well, it definitely came across as apathetic to me, at least.

 

[alextheconqueror]

Eh, at best Sakura is just there to provide an excuse for comedy and maybe to act as the butt of the joke (and a very nasty joke at that) on occasion. Obviously, yes, I don't find it funny because it's Sakura, but I also find the whole plot aspect very distasteful, especially given that no-one seems to care (which isn't even played for comedy, it's just not mentioned).

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Her death wasn't meant to be comedic or apathetic...I admit I am a little tunnel visioned on endings so this, along with Medusa's part, was underdeveloped

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Don't worry about it, this shit happens. like more usually than you can expect

 

[Sliverhero]

Ring is going to fit right with kazuma party. Now the main question how the rest will feel about her joining them.
Will also be funny if she accidentally seduced the party to join with her fun times with kazuma

 

[Davos]

Don't worry about it, this shit happens. like more usually than you can expect

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THank you for the kind words.

Ring is going to fit right with kazuma party. Now the main question how the rest will feel about her joining them.
Will also be funny if she accidentally seduced the party to join with her fun times with kazuma

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That question will be covered in two of the endings.

 

[Frakir's brother]

Sakura isn't "lashing out", though, she's got no conscious control of anything that's happening, nor is it being done out of malice, but rather an instinctual need for magical energy. The only time you can even remotely claim she's "lashing out" is as Dark Sakura, and Dark Sakura doesn't actually kill anyone besides Shinji, Zouken and Kotomine. Not to mention that she's very obviously insane by that point.

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Yeah, I worded it badly. The thing is, she's the direct cause of lots of deaths, even if she isn't responsible for the root cause. I like her and want her to have a happy end whenever possible, it's just that the hurdle is quite a bit higher compared to Rin or even Arturia. If done honestly it's harder to save her than Illya even, so I know more than a few decide to just give her a clean death instead of trying to twist things to work out. No excuse for that here though, except that they didn't know about it, Medea could have fixed Sakura up quite well

 

[Cherry Lover]

Yeah, I worded it badly. The thing is, she's the direct cause of lots of deaths, even if she isn't responsible for the root cause. I like her and want her to have a happy end whenever possible, it's just that the hurdle is quite a bit higher compared to Rin or even Arturia. If done honestly it's harder to save her than Illya even, so I know more than a few decide to just give her a clean death instead of trying to twist things to work out. No excuse for that here though, except that they didn't know about it, Medea could have fixed Sakura up quite well

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Eh, honestly, if you don't want to deal with the issues surrounding Dark Sakura, you just don't have Dark Sakura trigger at all. There's no real reason why an author ever needs to kill her off, even if they don't have a plan for saving her. It's just that some people like being edgy and, for those people, Sakura is a perfect target for that edginess because of her situation.

I'm not sure I'd agree she's harder to save than Illya, though. We have no canonically-defined way to actually save Illya, and most of the means people could logically use to save her apply just as well to Sakura.

 

[Sliverhero]

Eh, honestly, if you don't want to deal with the issues surrounding Dark Sakura, you just don't have Dark Sakura trigger at all. There's no real reason why an author ever needs to kill her off, even if they don't have a plan for saving her. It's just that some people like being edgy and, for those people, Sakura is a perfect target for that edginess because of her situation.

I'm not sure I'd agree she's harder to save than Illya, though. We have no canonically-defined way to actually save Illya, and most of the means people could logically use to save her apply just as well to Sakura.

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You know even in canon it is implied the only happy ending she gets is after the true/good ending of HF route as when nasu was asked what happens to Sakura in the other routes and can she live like an ordinary girl afterwards Nasu was silent.

 

[Cherry Lover]

You know even in canon it is implied the only happy ending she gets is after the true/good ending of HF route as when nasu was asked what happens to Sakura in the other routes and can she live like an ordinary girl afterwards Nasu was silent.

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Well, yeah, but that's different from actively killing her off. And it's still one happy ending more than Illya gets....

 

[Davos]

Kazuma is pulled up along with Rin.

A portal appears above him as he goes further up.

'That's new…Wait why is there-'

The next moment Kazuma lands on his butt in the middle of a graveyard.

'Why would Eris send me here?' Kazuma thinks before looking for Rin, only to find himself alone in a graveyard.

'…No…' He thinks before going over to a tombstone. Even after finding one without cracks and faded writing, Kazuma still can't read it.

"…What the…?" He mutters before hearing a whoosh further in. Despite his nagging suspicions, he heads further in and finds a biker talking to someone. The next moment, the biker steps back and a familiar blonde now in red is holding a blade at the biker's neck.

'Where the Hell am I?!'



===

"Where the Hell is he?" Rin mutters while looking around, enjoying the view of flowing grass outside some gates. She heads toward the entrance, carrying her suitcase with her.

'Maybe he is further inside? Though I don't know why he would be teleported elsewhere…Wait…how do I find him?' Rin thinks while entering the city.



===



'Just got to stay quiet and back away slo-' His thought stops when he steps on a dry twig, the small crack resonating in Kazuma's ears like a gun shot as the Biker and Artoria look his way.

The scowling blonde is already at him, blade at his neck.

"Looks we got an eavesdropper, and a bad one at that."

"I'm not a servant!" Kazuma says with his hands up.

"That much is obvious…unfortunately we can't have witnesses. Make it quick Mordred."

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"You want to torture the poor guy?"

"Wait, you're Mordred?"

"You going to make a joke about my being a woman? Go ahead. But make your last words worth it~."

"No, I know better after dealing with Arthur."

"Oh looky, you read half a book about the Knights of the Round Table."

"Looks a lot like you, wears blue, has a braid thing going around their head." Kazuma fires off in quick succession, making Mordred freeze a moment before pressing the blade further forward, drawing a bead of blood and making Kazuma walk backwards.

"…Bring father here then."

"What?"

"Aren't you her Master? Isn't she the Saber of Black?"

"What?"

"What do you mean what?"

"As in I have no idea what you're saying! Aren't you Saber?"

"Yes, but that means you're on the other side…wait, why am I explaining this to you?"

"Sides? Like formal teams? In a Grail war?" Kazuma asks, further confusing Mordred and her biker looking master.

"…How do you know about a Grail War?" The biker asks.

"I was in one in Fuyuki."

"Japan?"

"Yes…where are we?" Kazuma asks, happier now that the blade is not pressing as hard into his neck.

"You're in Romania."

"…What?"



===



"This should be the place…Surprisingly not bad." Rin says after mentally double checking her directions. She knocks on the door and a blonde woman in armor answers.

"Hello?"

"H-hello, is Kazuma in?"

"Yes, one moment."

'Didn't expect to see a blonde knight so soon. I'm sure she is more even tempered and honorable than Saber.' Rin thinks before Kazuma comes to the door.

"Who are you?" He asks and Rin freezes with a stiff smile for a long minute before she grabs him by the neck with one magic circuit glowing hand.

"The Hell do you mean 'who are you?'?!"

"I've never seen you before!" Kazuma says and the hand at his neck tightens.

"Oh you don't get to play that card after making me burn my house down and come to this place after those two weeks!"

"You did- Why would you do- wait two weeks? He's been with us." The blonde woman says.

"What do you mean he's been here for two weeks?" Rin shouts as a blue haired woman and shorter girl come around the corner.

"What did Scumzuma do to you?" The blue haired girl asks.

"I didn't do anything! I don't know her!" He starts to squeak when Rin presents a gander shot near his face.

"If you want me to stay somewhere else, that is one thing, but feigning amnesia?"

"I'm not faking it!"

"That is bull-" Rin stops when a rip in the air forms.

"What are you doing here Eris?" The blue haired woman asks.

"I…have some bad news and a confession to make Lady Aqua…"



===A few minutes earlier===





"You're telling me I'm in the middle of Europe, in a team death match Holy Grail War, tasked with killing a servant of the highest caliber, and it's all ARCHER'S fault?!"

"Why are you so mad about this! I thought you wanted to be a hero after taking on the Demon King thing from Aqua!" The rip in the air says, leaving Mordred and her master in stunned silence.

"So you kidnap me and teleport me half way around the planet after I got through a war!?"

"Archer-"

"Oh don't you use him to justify your behavior you shitty subconscious!"

"Please don't insult me! I only agreed because I know you can do it and Eris was really-"

"Don't you dare bad mouth Eris! Wait…how do you think I can kill a servant?"

"He said you had a powerful magic spell that annihilates everything in a space. It's sound perfect for Counter Guardian missions!"

"There will be collateral damage and I'll probably die!"

"That's fine!"

"No it isn't!"

"It is in the grand scheme of things! Trust the process! Besides, I can just revive you! Also, its one day a month you have to do this kind of work thanks to the revised program Archer and Eris hashed out! You should be happy!"

Kazuma raises his hand, surprising Alaya before she speaks.

"Seriously? You're going to try to steal the underwear of me, Alaya? I don't have a body! I don't wear clothes!" She says before laughing loudly, leaving Mordred and her master watching in pained silence.

"Steal!"

After the light fades, Kazuma finds himself holding a slightly see through plushy underwear with strange letters on it.

"How did you get that?!"

"And you said I couldn't steal your underwear! GAHAHA!"

"I don't wear underwear that is something much worse! Give it back!" Alaya says with a warble.

"Oh you want it?"

"Yes!"

"How badly?"

"…I-I'll get you wine and make it so you only have to do this once a year?"

That was all Kazuma needed to hear.

He pivots and chucks the plushy like a discus into a nearby raging river, making Alaya scream.

The Biker looks on with an open mouth.

Mordred starts to laugh right alongside Kazuma.

"I can't believe you did this, you have to go get it!"

"Get it yourself, or send some other guy you hoodwinked into this!"

"I can't! I can only have one Counter Guardian for any target now unless it was a group mission!"

"Then I guess you're stuck."

"Ah…I…I'm telling Eris!"

"Good! Maybe she can fix this!" Kazuma yells as the rip closes.

"Man, I can't tell if you're a coward or a riot!"

"I'm still torn between 'fool' and 'threat'."

"As long as you don't kill anyone uninvolved in this, I don't really care. Hell, I may even help you depending how things go."

"How can you help?" The biker asks and Kazuma looks over around.

"I have an idea!"



===



Rin looks at the rip as Eris finishes her recounting.

"You had a Kazuma bot here these last two weeks?! Do you have any idea how bad that could have been for us, me specifically?!"

"I-It's not like it was all bad!"

"It ruins everything! I thought we had Kazuma trained into giving foot rubs, and praising me like he should, and now you tell me it is all a lie?!

"Is Alaya next to you now?" She asks.

"Yes but why does that-"

Rin shoots a gander shot through the rip, getting a scream of pain.

"The audacity to shoot a God…! So cool!" Megumin says.

"…So evil…" Aqua mutters with a pale face.

"So…vile~." Darkness says with a smile.

"…What?" Rin asks.

"Nothing!" Darkness says while playing with her thumbs.

"…So when will he back?"

"We…don't know."

Rin raises her hand.

"Please no! I'm already organizing a squad to get him! He'll be dead within the day!" Alaya says.

"I don't want him dead!"

"We can revive him!"

"That is not the issue here! Dying must be very horrific! Can't you just send me over there to talk some sense into him?"

"I'm not sure he'll listen to you…He kind of just ignores you doesn't he? And aren't you kind of easily manipulated?" Alaya asks, making Rin reach through the rip and grab a neck.

"HA! That's not me, that's Eris you're choking!"

"Sorry!"

Coughing is what answers her for a moment.

"I'm…sure Kazuma will listen to her…though it might help if you bring someone else along…"

"So I don't get easily manipulated?" Rin asks with crossed arms.

"Yeah! Now you're getting it!" Alaya says in a cheery tone.

"...I can't tell if you're taunting me or are this stupid."

"I'm the collective unconsciousness of humanity; I have a lot of empty decks influencing my metaphysical noggin."

"She does, she's really dumb sometimes." Aqua says with as cheery a tone as a knock is heard at the door. Standing there is Cu Chulainn, his spear on his shoulder.

"Lancer! You can help! Kazuma is-"

Cu Chulainn fades away into a dull gold dust on the wind, leaving the four women openmouthed.

"…What just happened?" Rin asks.



===



Cu Chulainn finds himself reformed in a graveyard, Kazuma in front of him with three command seals.

"I didn't know you could make a summoning circle."

"I didn't. It was theirs." Kazuma says gesturing towards Mordred and the biker looking mage, Kairi.

"…They aren't trying to kill you? Wait is that-?!"

"That's Mordred, not Artoria, and not now they aren't. They seemed to like it when I annoyed the Hell out of Alaya by not being an assassin and stealing her underwear."

"…How long were you in this world?" Cu asks.

"About five minutes."

"…I'm honestly impressed. You know Red is over at your place right?"

"That's relief…Thought she was pulled into this Alaya bs too."

"She might, I can see her coming here and kicking your ass."

"…I do too unfortunately…" Kazuma says.

"So…your target is…?"

"Yeah it's me. You want to try taking a crack at me?" Mordred asks, sword on her shoulder.

"Hm~ I like the zeal, but I did contend with your pa. I doubt you can match me and my …spear?" Cu Chulainn asks as he raises a sword instead of Gae Bolg.

"…You normally a lancer?"

"Yes…"

"So that means you're at my mercy?"

"Pardon?"

"Don't worry, I don't enjoy picking on the weak~."

"Good thing I ain't weak." Cu says before spitting to the side and pointing his blade after a flourish.

Mordred smiles back and approaches.

"Oh my God, it's happening again…" Kazuma mutters.

 

[alextheconqueror]

So now we got a Saber Cu(Not to be confused with Setanta/Cu Lily who is also a Saber) wich should be just as good as Lancer(maybe more since he still has a variant of his Gae Bolg in his Lily version, wich is to be expected since it's a tecnique, he also should have better Magic resistance), I wonder what will be his other NP to replace his anty army, maybe his shield? Or an armor made of Curruid similar to Cu Alter