At the end of this I'm going to give you a Shock Mnemonic. This is not an insult to you or anyone else, but from experience it's really hard to remember advice and instructions when you are having a moment. So that Shock Mnemonic is an air horn you can use to help break yourself out of an episode.
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First off, charity is real, it does exist, and if you're feeling ashamed for taking it then the correct answer is to redouble your efforts to Improvise Adapt Overcome until you've recovered and don't need it.
They aren't giving you charity because of who you are. They are giving it to you for who you can be.
You are human. A proud member of the species that mastered fire, harnessed wind and lightning, and currently practices the art of strapping mountain-immolating explosives to their assholes so they can ride a super spicy shit into the void.
"Better than this, more than nature, greater than the sum" is in your blood. Getting there is going to be rough and sometimes counter-intuitive, but it's within reach.
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Concerning the car, most states have an option for "I'm poor as fuck, and I can't afford insurance". I forget what it's called, but last I checked a couple years ago it's 500 bucks per year to get a piece of paper you can stick in the glove compartment, then hand it to cops saying "I don't have insurance and don't need it, here's why".
Expensive, but less so than 12 monthly payments.
Note that this is not full protection, and you'll still have to argue over it if something happens. It may also be rejected for certain purposes, so keep your head on a swivel.
But if you're strapped for cash and need to dump insurance, this is your fallback.
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When you go to sleep, wrap your phone and wallet in some cloth or paper towels, and slide it between your buttcheeks.
It's going to be uncomfortable, probably sweaty, you'll need to clean anal weepage off it every now and then, and you might need to stop if you start getting a rash. But it's safer than most options.
I recommend canvas or thin microfibre if you can find/afford it.
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Now here's where the advice starts getting counter-intuitive, because this is where my ability to tailor advice to you specifically based on what you've given me ends.
Find a Christian church, find out their service hours, and when they aren't having services that's where you go if you're breaking down and need some silence.
Why not a library? Or a cafe? Why not anything but a church? Because most of them aren't quiet, want you to buy something, have anti-loitering policies, etc. Not somewhere you can park your butt for the potential hours of silence you might need to put yourself back together.
People generally don't go there when services aren't happening, the benches tend to be tolerably comfortable for napping, and bible thumpers usually have a tradition of quiet contemplation. So if you go there and look at least slightly better than someone who just crawled out of a dumpster would, you can catch some Z's in a relatively safe place where people aren't likely to bother you. If you have a large backpack or something, you can rest that on your lap, lean forward onto it, and sleep that way if you prop yourself against the end of one of those benches. Just make sure you don't snore too loudly.
If you don't need Z's but do need some rest, it's still a decent place to relax.
Now, some churches have off hour prayer services, and some just have jackasses because they're still people. So you may have to investigate and experiment for a while to find one you can go to for silence.
If someone's bothering you, tell 'em that this is the only place you can find that's silent. That's usually enough to make them go away.
Also, do not bring outside business into the church. The point here is to get away from that. And if jackasses who cause trouble start following you in, then they're going to start removing people for safety's sake. And they probably wouldn't be wrong to do so, if ir's becoming a real problem.
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Some assholes might exploit the existence of charity to screw with you.
In general, if it comes in the form of;
food or drink you did not watch come off of a store shelf or out of a professional charity,
A contract or an invite to a location you don't know,
An exchange of favors,
Or asking you to "meet a friend" or some variation thereof,
Be extremely cautious.
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Now this is where the Shock Mnemonic comes in, because I can't help you manage your state of mind over the internet so I need to start at the absolute bottom and stop there.
One of the useful little secrets of the human brain is that strong emotional spikes never last long. It can seem like they do because emotional bleeding triggers an adrenaline spike which ruins your sense of Time, but your brain simply can't sustain the energy investment needed to stay, for example, capital-A Angry for long periods of time. No longer than a couple minutes before it burns out and you're tired and drained.
If you are objectively having an emotional "spike" longer than that, one of two things is happening; you're either rubber-banding as you go into a peak then a valley then a peak again,
or you're having a pleasure infection where the peak is so high it breaks the glass ceiling and breaches into the pleasure centers of the brain and you're getting a dopamine shower. And yes, I use the word Infection here deliberately - because any sufficiently strong emotion can breach the ceiling and start giving you a shit shower.
The "constant fear" you mention probably isn't actual fear - it's a short bout of fear followed by exhaustion and residue.
Both of these are bad, and need management to stop.
Saying and doing things in an emotional peak is an extremely dangerous thing. A good ol' ugly cry every now and then is no trouble and nothing to be ashamed of, but making a habit out of indulging in it or other outbursts whenever you hit a peak is a good way to put people off and make it harder for you to fund a job, home, whatever.
Worse, there are plenty of predators who have learned how to exploit emotional peaks to their advantage.
Some people like to say "Breath In, Hold, Breath Out" or "Stop and Count to 10" or some other thing. These are good and objectively better in the long term for your personal management than the mnemonic I am about to give you, but they are deficient in the short term because they are [SKILLS] and skills require practice to perform under stress. You are to practice Breathing and Counting regularly - daily if you can - but until you have developed those Skills to a stress worthy point, thich is where the Shock Mnemonic comes in;
Shut The Fuck Up.
Whatever you're doing, wherever you are, regardless of circumstance, stop talking. Stop emoting.
Quite possibly the single most important lesson you can use to beat your subconscious into a more functional mess is to firmly establish that emotion does not necessitate action. When you are angry, when you are sad, do not immediately say the first thing that comes to mind, do not do the first thing you think of.
When you can consistently stop knee-jerk emoting under stress, then you can call the tutorial complete and start on Level 1 - Breathing and Counting.
Until then, Shock Mnemonic.
Good luck, and remember -
Better is in your blood.
