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On a Pale Horse (Umamusume/Youjo Senki)

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WrandmWaffles said:
AN. A shorter chapter this time, but I felt like this was a decent break point. Shirogane gets quite close to beating Sky (I sort of rolled for it) while the two of them combine to completely mess up the rest of the competitors. Not sure if I should write more races like this, since it might get a bit tedious, though I will probably write out the other tryout she runs in.
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I didnt mind the race, im not sure how well it would do if overused, but its basically a fight scene of sorts. So if its enjoyable or not is on you, and you did very well!

If your worried though, maybe a race where shiro comes out ahead, then a interlude where some of the watching trainers are like wtf how many races did she run again?! that gives some details from the other races shes in? That way yo can touch on everything that happens without needing to write however many races one after another.
 
Yuppers! Though you can skip races of little consequence (Shiro Aura farming in easier races). But the races themselves and the strategy/tactics are too much fun to leave out...

Shiro's problem though is that while she's a monster stamina wise, there aren't really any races that would really play to that strength, as she is now, she could run like half the tryout races before she's winded but not win any of them because her top speed just isn't there.

That said, at some point she'll be able to go max throttle straight out the gate, though whether that'll let her win is still up in the air if her top speed just isn't high enough.
 
The other racers got both stat gapped and information gapped they stood no chance.

I don't think Shiro's quite processed the fact that she stat gaps most racers her age. Her confusion on their positioning during the race was well written and I loved it. I'm interpreting Seiun stumbling when Shiro gave her compliment two different ways. First possibility is that she's surprised Shiro has the ability to talk clearly while full sprinting, but this is less likely as they should know each others capabilities pretty well by now. The second and more likely possibility is that she's surprised by the compliment itself. A large part of Seiun's character is that underneath the apparent laziness and relaxed appearance, she doesn't consider herself a "real talent". She feels like she needs her tricks and schemes to keep up with everyone, and fears running out of those tricks and getting crushed. So making use of those tricks in front of one of those "real talents" in a real race, she might be afraid of how Shiro would take it. Would she think it unfair, or rage and start to dislike her? But no; Shiro is a chad and hits her with the "wp".

It's also interesting how Shiro doesn't seem to really care that she just lost her first "real race". It might be because of her already having a trainer and team, and also because she's planning to run more races later. Either way, i can't wait to see how others react to her.

I loved the locker room bit where she clearly unnerved everyone else. It was hilarious how the disconnect between mindsets led to her being this sort of poltergeist figure, and honestly I feel like as she racks up accomplishments and gains more fans, there'll be people seeking to emulate her state of zen if nothing else.

I realized on a reread that Shiro's gate number here was four lmao. I love the symbolism.
 
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I like the race! And while it seems unintentional on your part having her lose this race is an interesting story beat, once again reinforcing both her weaknesses and her lack of real desire to win. She's less upset about losing then she is about everyone else becoming gatekeepers fodder
 
Someone has to point out her subtle campaign of psychological warfare on the othet racers.

-Spooks half the locker room, leaving them all scared to even be near her.
-Talks about the consequences of doing poorly in the tryouts with the one who is already the favourite to win, while clearly within earshot of the other racers.
-Manhandles Sky into her gate with a "Go crush some dreams."

The poor girls have been spooked, had the potential career-defining consequences of this race thrown in their faces, and the scary girl is telling the favourite to crush their dreams. None of them are in a good headspace, and it's all thanks to Shirogane.

How many are going to assume it was all on purpose? Imagine one of the other racers trying to confront her on it, and Shirogane is just confused and trying to get back to her schoolwork.
 
Go for gap moe and make her a trolling gremlin during final sprints.

"I fucked your mom last night."

"Hey, that cloud looks a donut."

"You really need to start brushing your teeth before school."

"Oh my God, did you see Tamamo Cross and Oguri Cap kissing by the bathrooms!?"

"Your shoe's untied."
 
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WrandmWaffles said:
AN. A shorter chapter this time, but I felt like this was a decent break point. Shirogane gets quite close to beating Sky (I sort of rolled for it) while the two of them combine to completely mess up the rest of the competitors. Not sure if I should write more races like this, since it might get a bit tedious, though I will probably write out the other tryout she runs in.
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I liked it, and would be happy to see more like it. There will probably be races in the future that will warrant being skipped or glossed over, because they don't do much for the story, but others which are meaningful for Shirogane should be shown in full or at least in part.

You kind of already did this with the practice in chapter 9, where you told us about the initial runs and then showed us the final one, since that was Shirogane's time to shine.

Miriallia said:
Yuppers! Though you can skip races of little consequence (Shiro Aura farming in easier races). But the races themselves and the strategy/tactics are too much fun to leave out...

Shiro's problem though is that while she's a monster stamina wise, there aren't really any races that would really play to that strength, as she is now, she could run like half the tryout races before she's winded but not win any of them because her top speed just isn't there.

That said, at some point she'll be able to go max throttle straight out the gate, though whether that'll let her win is still up in the air if her top speed just isn't high enough.
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Judging from how she was doing her treadmill practice, she could probably sprint 2-3 times per race. By varying when she does it she can spook or wrongfoot the other racers.
 
I'm more interested in races from the perspective of people who aren't Shiro, tho this was good at setting expectations. Other Shiro-pov races should be when she has significant character growth during a race.
 
WrandmWaffles said:
"Well, best of luck, Sky-san, Shirogane-san," Grass Wonder offered, breaking off from the group and heading towards a waiting area. "I'll be watching the outcome with great interest."

"Isn't this the part you wish us luck?" Seiun Sky wondered, tilting her head back in a faux-lackadaisical manner.
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Seems to be a mistake here? GW wishes them luck, then SS asks her why she's not wishing them luck.
 
I would like to an Interlude POV from the other umas and trainers. Would like to see their feelings and observations of Shirogane

Radiant Knight said:
I half figured Sky was surprised that Shiro 'snuck up' on her. Remember horses literally have tunnel vision in races, and Umas definitely get it during races, so Shiro suddenly 'appearing' beside her would be a huge shock even if intellectually she knew she was there.
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Could also be the fact that Shirogane was talking at all after running the amount of distance she had run. Also could be genuinely from the compliment she said to Seiun that probably made her stumble.

Lots of unintentional psych warfare in the locker room.


I wonder if one of the special debuff for Shirogane is the ability to sing even while running? Would be haunting for other umas to hear her song while she is running
 
Can't see why shiro would sing while running, could see her praising her competition though, she seems like shes practices good sportsmanship!

Would be funny if she ended up 2nd in every single run during this, in every run, 2nd every time. Yes i know she isn't in every run.

Shiros stealth mixed with her punch first mentality... could see people being scared haha! Cause if she gets startled by startling someone else, chances are low but never 0.
 
She failed to cancel her angling and scheming otherwise Sky would have been cook it was indeed very close. I love it how Sky perfoming her trick matched so well with Shirogane style. 2nd for the first time is not bad just don't fall into comfort with it and it will be fine.
 
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Jubjub3000 said:
Shiros stealth mixed with her punch first mentality... could see people being scared haha! Cause if she gets startled by startling someone else, chances are low but never 0.
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Now I'm a bit worried (and curious) about what might happen if some of the more mischievous uma try to get back at Shiro by spooking her in turn. Shiro's keen senses would likely nip any such surprises in the bud, but if they did ever manage to scare her, they could get caught in the crossfire of a sharp, violent, and dangerous reaction - especially since they didn't see or hear about the pistol incident, and might not know about the risk.
 
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More sprint trolling:

"63 bottles of beer on the wall. 63 bottles of beeeeer."

"Will you go out with me?"

"Last one to the finish line is a rotten egg."

"Have you ever wondered why the moon is wrong?"

"Did you know that blue whales produce enough semen to fill a bathtub?"

"So, who do you have a crush on?"

"Please step on me, Mommy."

"The more you win, the more porn the perverts make."

"Wanna trade bentos?"
 
LuridThrone said:
maybe a race where shiro comes out ahead, then a interlude where some of the watching trainers are like wtf how many races did she run again?! that gives some details from the other races shes in? That way yo can touch on everything that happens without needing to write however many races one after another.
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Miriallia said:
Yuppers! Though you can skip races of little consequence (Shiro Aura farming in easier races). But the races themselves and the strategy/tactics are too much fun to leave out...
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Jaertin said:
You kind of already did this with the practice in chapter 9, where you told us about the initial runs and then showed us the final one, since that was Shirogane's time to shine.
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That's probably what will happen after she debuts, since Shirogane is going to be running in a lot more races than most of her compatriots.

Dissimilate said:
I am surprised Shiro waited so long to start her sprint.
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She sprinted for basically a full kilometer. So far she's working off of strategies that her classmates and trainers worked on, and part of it is that psychologically Shirogane doesn't really like being the front runner because those are much more likely to be killed during a charge.

Sky3Fall said:
I'm interpreting Seiun stumbling when Shiro gave her compliment two different ways. First possibility is that she's surprised Shiro has the ability to talk clearly while full sprinting, but this is less likely as they should know each others capabilities pretty well by now.
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Sky3Fall said:
The second and more likely possibility is that she's surprised by the compliment itself. A large part of Seiun's character is that underneath the apparent laziness and relaxed appearance, she doesn't consider herself a "real talent". She feels like she needs her tricks and schemes to keep up with everyone, and fears running out of those tricks and getting crushed. So making use of those tricks in front of one of those "real talents" in a real race, she might be afraid of how Shiro would take it. Would she think it unfair, or rage and start to dislike her? But no; Shiro is a chad and hits her with the "wp".
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It's mostly the former, since Shirogane talking to her broke Sky's focus for a moment, not enough to completely take her out of the zone, but enough to surprise her a bit. The latter part comes into play more afterwards, where Sky is a bit surprised that Shirogane doesn't see any problem with the trick Sky pulled, or how she angled to make Shirogane complicit in it as well with how she timed it.

Some other umas might see that as underhanded while Shirogane just views it as an effective tactic.

Glorywings said:
She's less upset about losing then she is about everyone else becoming gatekeepers fodder
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To clarify, Shirogane isn't upset that other runners are becoming gate fodder, since that's expected, she's more comparing how the allure of glory on the racetrack is similar to how propaganda is used to convince people to join the military, especially during wartime, when in all likelihood you'll end up in a grunt role than be any sort of hero. Though she does find the practice of just having some runners being designated as just fillers a bit distasteful.

RogueInquisitor said:
Someone has to point out her subtle campaign of psychological warfare on the othet racers.

-Spooks half the locker room, leaving them all scared to even be near her.
-Talks about the consequences of doing poorly in the tryouts with the one who is already the favourite to win, while clearly within earshot of the other racers.
-Manhandles Sky into her gate with a "Go crush some dreams."

The poor girls have been spooked, had the potential career-defining consequences of this race thrown in their faces, and the scary girl is telling the favourite to crush their dreams. None of them are in a good headspace, and it's all thanks to Shirogane.
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Shirogane again does not realize how intimidating she could be. She does a 'speak of the devil, and he shall appear' moment on the two curious runners, then makes some observations that are quite demoralizing, and then when she's in the gate, she goes completely still, which is a bit uncanny to the others, who are quite nervous.

This all played a big part in how a lot of the runners in this heat did worse than they had the potential to. Combined with Sky's trick, it is quite psychologically crushing for a impressionable young uma.

Phrux said:
I'm more interested in races from the perspective of people who aren't Shiro, tho this was good at setting expectations.
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That might actually work better for the next tryout she runs, since otherwise it will be mostly the same, and she's not running against any of her classmates so there won't be the wrinkle of Sky pulling a trick.

manatherindrell said:
Do Sky and Grass not know that Shirogane already has a trainer?
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Jaertin said:
She's keeping quiet.
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As Jaertin noted, she has not. It hasn't come up in conversations with her, and she rather correctly judges it unwise to bring up to people. It's not against the rules, strictly speaking, but it has the potential to cause some conflict.

Jaertin said:
Seems to be a mistake here? GW wishes them luck, then SS asks her why she's not wishing them luck.
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Should be fixed, now Grass wishes them good luck, Sky asks which one she's wishing good luck to, and she clarifies it's both of them.
 
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I think if you really want to assure Shirogane get into the zone you'd need an annoying French Communist Uma to mock her parents and their food while saying puns are terrible jokes unworthy of laughter or attention. That's how you'll unlock scary Shirogane.
 
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