OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

The Man for the Job.

I am the Scarecrow. The Master of Fear. All of Gotham, no, all of the country, shudders at the mention of my name alone.

I have raisen above all big burly bullies who ever thought they'd know better than me. All thanks to my prodigious brain. And tonight, I stand before Gotham's so called most powerful man, about to make my sheer worth known...

The lanky figure in rags cackled. "So, why have you called me here, Thorne? Do you want your rivals assassinated through fear? The Batman laid to waste in terror? Speak now! The Scarecrow's time is precious, and--"

"Hiccup!" Boss Thorne said.

"Eh?"

"The Boss has developed a rather bad case of the hiccups," Thorne's secretary Candace explained. "The best specialists haven't been able to cure it. But since it's been said that scares can put the hiccups away, we thought that--"

"What are you saying, woman?!" Crane roared. "Is this some mockery of me?! I'm not a medic! The galls of you..."

"You are a doctor, however," the black haired beauty reminded him coolly.

"Not THAT kind of doctor!"

"Oh, so you can't do it after all? I thought so..."

"Hiccup!" Rupert Thorne said despairingly.

---

"I can't believe it!" the Penguin gasped. "And you actually did it?!"

"Look, my reputation was in the stake, okay?!" Crane said. "I had to prove I could scare him, and that I did!"

Penguin rolled his eyes. "The dreaded Scarecrow, reduced to curing the hiccups for money...!"

"I'll let you know that the toxins I need don't come for free!"

Two-Face raised a fist, then slammed it on the table. "Enough of that! What matters is, what did scare him!? What did he see!?"

"His late mother," Scarecrow answered.

Penguin smiled. "Don't tell me...!"

Crane nodded. "A fascinating case, actually, I took a recording in secret and everything. For a fair share, I could allow you to--"

Two-Face's evil eye glinted as he pulled a checkbook out of his breast pocket. "Let's hear every last second of it. In loving, precise detail, and I'm taking notes too..."

 

Last Resource.

"Chisame," Haruna said, peeking into the room, "he's acting up again."

Chisame sighed. "I should've guessed. But, are you sure that--"

"He told Skuld, Haruka, Kuga-senpai, Ai-chan, all of them to just go fuck off, Chisame," Haruna said. "You're the only one we haven't tried yet..."

Chisame shook her head, standing up. "What the hell..."

She followed Haruna outside, and towards a large crowd gathered around the World Tree. They opened a wide respectful path for her as she approached the trunk. In the front rowds of the group, Negi gulped and gave her a silently pleading look.

Chisame shrugged at him, then frowned at the scrawny, tall man sitting on the roots. "I've heard you don't want to write anymore."

"There's no point whatsoever," the man growled bitterly. "Screw off!"

Chisame balled a fist up, then hit him in the head as Negi and the others flinched. "Don't be such a kid!"

"Go away! You don't know the first thing about being a creator! From your end, it's all so easy, you only have to--!"

She hit him again. "You whiner! So pathetic...!"

The man hissed at her, stubbornly. "Why should I bother?! I won't be able to catch up, ever! Nothing of this is worth the effort! I've thrown years of my life away for--"

She grabbed him by the shoulders and rattled him. "Stop feeling pity for yourself already and do something at once...!"

"I don't want to..." Then he looked up, and pointed at the paragraphs above, frowning at Chisame. "Is this a start?"

Chisame looked up as well, reading the preceeding lines. Then she shrugged. "At least it's something for now."

He sighed sad and miserably, shaking his head to himself. "That's all I can do today..."

"There's... There's still hope..." Negi said quietly, while the rest of the girls grabbed the protesting Chisame and began throwing her up and catching her and tossing her again while cheering for her.

Is this why Akamatsu killed her off? Did she do the same things to him?

 

The Life Aquatic.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Mahorafest Rescue Operation:

"I don't get it," Awatsuki Maaya said while taking her shorts off. "Underwater, seriously? Why would they even keep her in a cell underwater?"

Mizuno Ami sighed while pulling her blouse over her head. "She's an alien."

"A... what?" Wannai Kinuho paused in her own undressing. "Oh, when you say that, you mean a gaijin, like Neg--"

"No, no, no, I mean an actual alien from outer space," Ami said somewhat irritably, pointing upwards. "Not any alien either, but an alien princess. That must be why they took so many extra measures with her."

The rest of the girls in their underwear blinked at her.

"... but," Uruka said, "why did they even have a cell under water in the first place?!"

"I don't know, and why should I?" Ami groaned, giving a few claps as explosions roared in the distance. "Please, girls, are we doing this or not?! Speed is of the esence!"

"... oh, so that's why she has a tail!" Umihara Chinami was telling Kawase Ayako, with an air of great understanding. "So it wasn't a decoration after all...!"

"I feel so darn stupid," Ayako confessed. "She even wagged it around all the time, what were we thinking...?"

Ami sighed and then just shoved them ahead and into the water.

 

Water Under the Bridge.

The shape of the cell itself surprised Uruka even more than the fact itself of actually seeing that yes, there had been a cell under the water the whole time after all. From the outside, it looked more like a giant, round bowl upside down, and Lala-san floated inside of it, apparently asleep, in her school uniform.

Now, by this point they were close to running out of saved breath, so they turned to look at Ami, hoping for her to have a solution before they had to swim back up for oxygen. The short haired girl swam past them, pulling something out of her bra. It was a long, thin cylinder of sorts, probably something given to her by the 3-A students-- although in truth, it'd been a last minute gift from Saeki Kaori of all people, so Ami was understandably wary of what she was about to do.

She did it all the same, jamming it into what appeared to be a lock for the thing, then quickly swam back, urging her clubmates to do the same. A moment later, they all were bowled upwards across the water as the cell's surface exploded and shattered, and a startled Lala woke up suddenly, being blasted against the other girls rather roughly and almost making Maaya and Chinami swallow liquid, although they fortunately restrained themselves in time.

Next thing Uruka knew, the pink haired girl was holding her under an arm, Chinami under the other, and then swimming back to the surface with them, as the others followed. Before Uruka could protest that really, this wasn't necessary at all, she was flung back out onto the stone platform, with a coughing Chinami rolling across by her side, and then Lala was climbing out energetically, shaking herself in all directions, and beginning to wring her long hair out, casually asking, "Why are you all in your undergarments?"

Ayako coughed as well, pulling herself out and helping Kinuho up. "You're welcome, it was a pleasure!" Ayako snapped at their rescuee, who then blinked at her, genuinely taken aback by her answer. Ayako sighed. "Look, we just went down to rescue you, but we couldn't do it in our best clothes and ruin them, could we?"

Lala looked at the damp bra and panties clinging to Ayako's body. "That looks like really good underwear, so if such was the case, why didn't you just go for me naked?"

Chinami's right eyebrow began twitching as Ayako grimaced and Uruka tilted her head aside in confusion. Maaya was about to say something, but then Lala spoke again. "Where's Rito?"

"Oh my goodness," Kinuho said faintly. "We couldn't get her out before she received brain damage from being in that thing..."

"She's always like this," Ami said flatly.

Kinuho began rubbing the bridge of her own nose. "Ah. Sorry about that, then. I'll correct myself, I think I'm the one starting to suffer brain damage from all of this..."

Lala looked at her sympathetically. "I'm sorry to hear that. But hey, at the very least, you do still have good physical looks!"

Kinuho winced. "Next time, we go save Despair-sensei or the delinquent little boy instead, okay? Please?"

 

Movie Night.

"You know," Negi said, sounding a bit muffed through his facemask, "I know one can't rely on something as fickle as bounty hunting to make a regular income, but surely there must be another way for you to pay your own tickets."

Kotaro, in his small puppy form, simply growled as he peeked his head out of the front of Negi's shirt and stared at the large screen.

In the next seat, Tanaka Asuka blinked several times, looking at them in confusion.

 

The 'Hands Off' Kind of Help.

"You!" the Joker snapped at the wild eyed, wild haired man. "You've got to be the worst henchman I've ever had...!"

The scrawny, strange fellow just looked oddly at him while Joker seethed, pointing a finger at him. The other thugs backed away, quietly gulping to themselves.

"If not for your idiocy," the Clown Prince snarled, "Batman wouldn't have escaped the trap! You... imbecile! What do you have to say in your defense?!"

"Uh... I got nuthin'."

Joker growled from the bottom of his throat, then reached over and slapped him across the face...

"YOWWWWWW!"

... and just like that, the henchman had bitten all of the hand's fingers off.

The Joker kept on howling in pain as his subordinate chewed calmly. The other crooks stared on in disbelieving shock.

"You shouldn'ta done that, Boss," the wild eyed man said, after spitting several shattered bones and swallowing the meat. "You knew what I did at the sideshow? I wuz the Geek, I'd bite anything's head off, just on reflex... Sorry. A few times I went an' bit the owners' hands, too. Just a thing I sumtimes do."

The Joker hopped in place, waving his hand up and down.

The other henchmen looked at each other.

"He's gonna kill us all for this," one of them said, "but this almost makes it worthwhile."

All the same, then they all ran for the door.

 

Join the Dark Side.

"You should join us," Haruna said.

Takane scoffed in disgust. "Please! As if I'd ever stoop low enough as to fall into the clutches of your filthy sex club!"

"That's the thing, though," Haruna said. "I've had sex with Rito, Negi, Lala, Nodoka, Yue, and even Chisame that one time, and yet we've seen you naked more times than we've seen each other..."

The depressing part, Mei thought as he held her senpai back from killing the creep, was that the pervert was probably still right about that.

 

Interlude: Please Don't Bother Me, Nagatoro.

Someone rang at the front door of the cabin, and so Chachamaru went to open.

She looked down at the deeply tanned girl with dark hair standing on the porch, wearing a very short skin and a short sleeved white top. "Good afternoon, how may I help you?"

"Please call me Nagatoro!" this complete stranger said happily, sporting a very wide and Haruna-esque smile. "Glad to make your acquaintance, Kouhai!"

"Ah, nice to meet you as well. My name is Karak--"

"Oh, I don't care about your name, Kouhai; Kouhai is just fine as just Kouhai!"

"I see..."

"What I would like," the girl said, rubbing her hands together and chuckling, "is joining this fancy secret club of yours! Is Negi Springfield-sensei here? Tell him I want to talk with--"

"I am terribly sorry, but we aren't taking applications for now. Good bye," Karakuri, bowing very politely, said right before closing the door on her face.

After a moment of standing there in stupor, the girl began shaking a fist. "Hey, do you wanna make an enemy out of Nagatoro Hayase, Weird Girl?!" she shouted. "Are you sure about that?! I'm the newest popular sensation in the campus, everyone's talking about me...!"

Evangeline lounged on her favorite couch, sipping tea while her maid rejoined her inside. "What is all that racket about, Chachamaru?"

"It would seem that we have another one, Master."

"Another one, huh? It had been a while..." the tiny blonde mused. "Does she look like she might perhaps make it?"

Karakuri's green eyes widened ever so slightly. "Master! You wouldn't be thinking of..."

Eva groaned. "It's just that always torturing and bullying the same people is starting to get stale. I need some diversity in my life, you know..."

"Well, I'm not sure you should take this one," Chachamaru doubted. "How should I put it... she is dark skinned. You might be accused of racism."

Eva paused, looking at her. "Oh," she said quietly after a moment. "Oh, so that's how it is. Yes, yes, I can see your point. Things nowadays, the world sure has changed, huh..."

"I suppose it has," the robot who had literally been created the year before allowed.

The voice from the doorstep came shouting again. "I'm not leaving until I've been granted an audience! Take me to your director, or your executive secretary, or whoever's at charge...!"

Eva clenched her teeth. "Are you sure you can't even throw scalding water on her? Is she really dark skinned, or just tanned?"

"It would seem to be a little of both," the gynoid said, moving over to close the curtains of a window Nagatoro was now peeking in through. "She will either get bored soon or remember the curfew before long and return home, Master. In either case, there's no need for--"

Right then, a rock with a note tied to it flew in, breaking through the window, and hit the back of Chachamaru's neck.

"On second thought," the robot said, "I believe I shall start boiling water now."

 

Rama 1/2.

Genma finished shaking the last few droplets of water over his son, then threw the bucket aside and declared solemnly, "Yes! As you can see, now, whenever Ranma's splashed with cold water, he turns into a super strong, unstoppable mythical warrior from the India! What a terrible curse...!"

Soun and his three daughters blinked.

"Ahhh..." Akane said, "Excuse me, but where is the downside in that? Why does he want to be cured from that, or even turn back from this?"

"If that hero was so powerful and unbeatable, how could he die by drowning in a mere spring?" Nabiki added.

"I'll never be able to be together with the one I love," Rama stated sadly. "As for your second question, I was very drunk that day."

"Oh my, that's so sad..." Kasumi sighed. "Wait, does that mean you're already in love with someone?"

"Well, not yet..." he admitted.

Nabiki grinned and shoved Akane ahead. "Then go ahead and marry Akane! Any marriage with her will be loveless, so you'll never have to worry about losing her!"

And that is the story of why Akane is summonable in the Arcade game but not the main one.

 

Nightcrawler.

"Please tell us, Nekane-san," Chisame said. "Why didn't you ever stop Negi from sneaking into bed with you? I know he had a hard time with his trauma, but he should've been taught--"

"Wait, wait a moment," Nekane said. "What are you saying he did?"

Misa nodded. "Yeah, well, you know, he always keeps sneaking in our beds because you got him used to it."

"I never did such a thing!" the older girl gasped. "I mean, he would often try, but I always would make clear that was an improper thing to do...!"

The 3-A students turned back to glare at Negi.

He chuckled nervously. "Heh heh, I can explain everything, if you'll just listen..."

"If you wanted to, all you ever needed was asking for it!" a wounded Misa said right as, somewhat contradicting her words, a seething Chisame sprang ahead and wrapped her hands around his neck.

 

From Zero to Ero.

Negi frowned as he flipped through the thin book.

"I'm sorry to say I don't understand what's so good about this, Haruna-san," he said. "Why do you read it? For something called a 'parody' there isn't any humor, they miswrote a word as basic as 'Hero', and all the fights between the guys are based around grappling in close quarters, why aren't there any long ranged attacks?"

 

Return to the Unequally-Anything that Burns Crossover!

Negi was exiting the bathroom, clad in slippers and a bathrobe tightly tied around him, when he saw a sultrily smiling Momioka Risa, coming from a bedroom in nothing but lingerie.

He blinked. "Ah, oh, good morning, Momioka-san. How are y--"

She wrapped her arms around him, lowered herself a bit, and began kissing him passionately.

Another Negi came out of another bedroom, wearing only underpants while a long drawn moan was heard in Nodoka's voice. He frowned at the sight of Risa frenching the other, frantically squirming Negi, and slipping her hands down the band of his boxers under the robe.

"Hm, Risa-san!" he rasped loudly. "I believe you are kissing the wrong Negi!"

She paused, smiled back at him over her shoulder, and winked an eye. "There's no such thing as a wrong Negi, silly...!" she giggled, then went back to kissing Negi Tiberius.

 

A Brief Return to The Keys of the Kingdom!

Misa appeared at her doorstep, brush in hand and looking as gorgeously youthful as ever.

"Raps-chan...!" she sing sang happily. "It's that time of the day...!"

Rapunzel sighed and threw her long golden hair back. "Very well..."

Misa gleefully sat behind her and began combing her, singing melodically.

"Flower, gleam and glow
Let your power shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine
Heal what has been hurt
Change the Fates' design
Save what has been lost
Bring back what once was mine
What once was mine".

Misa then stood back and left the room waving. "Thank you, Raps-chan! You're a dearie...!"

"Yes, yes..." Rapunzel returned to her book, only to have Konoka and Setsuna showing up moments after.

"Oh, Raps-chan...!" Konoka cooed. "We're due for our dose...!"

Rapunzel sighed and threw her hair back again.

Forty three years of this, already. Why had she escaped Mother, again?

Ah, yes. The sex was still great, she supposed.

 

Mikado-sensei opened her front door, still wearing her open bedrobe and the racy, black lingerie under it.

"Oh, it's you," she said. She recognized Misa, Sakurako, Madoka and Yuna, but she didn't recognize the ponytailed girl with light brown hair and large round glasses. "I don't know youthough, you would be...?"

"Hasegawa Chisame. I'm their classmate," the girl said, dryly pointing at the others.

"Oh, yes, of course!" Mikado sighed, running two fingers down her own nose. "Sorry, that should have been evident. Negi's mentioned a Chisame-san a few times..."

Sakurako brightened up. "Is Negi-kun here?"

"Huh? Of course he is, come in," the doctor said, ushering them in while Misa and Chisame gave her openly suspicious stares. As she closed the door, the mature woman chuckled. "Well, the innocent one is. But I think that, if you want to find John-kun, you'd better--"

"The... innocent one?" Hasegawa blinked a few times.

"Yeah, that's gotta be ours. I hope so, at least," Yuna said. "Sensei, before you take us with him, we should make something clear. We aren't exactly--"

"Yuuna?" said a curious, hopeful voice from further into the manor, and the girls all looked in to see a perplexed Asuna in plain white pajamas, standing a room away before an open door, a cup of coffee in a hand.

"Asuna!" Yuuna said. "Oh, thank God, it's--!"

"Don't jump to conclusions just yet," Madoka said, holding her back by placing her hand on Yuuna's arm. "This could be just the local--"

"No, no, it's really me, Madoka!" Asuna said happily, leaving the cup on a stand and running to her, hugging her tightly. Madoka blinked, unsure of why she'd been chosen for this treatment over all others. "Oh, thank God indeed! I was starting to think we'd never see you again! How, how did you even make it here?!"

"It's... uh, a long story, Kagurazaka," Chisame said, still wary, while Mikado hummed to herself in understanding. "Before we share it, what if you take it to Sensei, and before that, ahhh... how did you recognize us so quickly?"

Asuna pulled back from Madoka, smiled, and reached over to pat Yuuna's chest a couple times. "Yuna's can't compare to these yet! That's clear on a first sight!"

Yuuna's eyebrow twitched as she lightly swatted Asuna's hand off. "Hey, is it me? Or are you more touchy than usual? What kind of companies have you been keeping here? I'm afraid to ask..."

Tsukuyomi's head peeked curiously out of another room, blinking behind her glasses. "Oh?" she said as the just arrived girls jumped back in shock, all of them reaching for a card hidden in their clothes. "Oh, it's YOU!" she grinned evilly, noticing how this Chisame had a Pactio card with her. "This is so remarkable, especially if you have brought Oneesama and Ojou-sama along...!"

Asuna sighed in shame, blushed a bit, and shook her head. "Yes, Yuuna, I'm sorry. I guess that we've been keeping bad companies lately, but it couldn't be helped..."

---

Anything but Rational, Burning Emotionally.

---

Lesson One: Boy, this Has a Ridiculous Title.

 

Another Mahorafest Unequally Preview.

---

"I am... I'm just frustrated, okay?!" Natsumi admitted, pacing back and forth across the rooftop while Negi, Skuld's sister, and Yuuna watched on in concern. "All this time, I've been lied to for months by most people I know and live with...!"

"It's not so much of an ongoing lie," Negi tried to argue, "as it is a reasonable retention of dangerous information for your own--"

The rather sharp look Murakami threw at him then silenced him quickly.

After a moment spent waiting for confirmation on his silencing, she kept on pacing and rating. "And now that I've learned that the World Tree actually grants wishes, I can't even get that out of this bitter newfound knowledge?! All because some people have decided summoning ghosts to kill each other all around us?!"

"They aren't ghosts as such," Yuuna said, "and frankly, Natsumi-chan, you're being quite selfish about this, I expected better from you..."

Natsumi stopped again and frowned. "Oh, please, Yuuna! Don't call me selfish when your whole stay with this team is just a way to call your dad out!"

Yuuna screeched, grinding her teeth. "What gives you the right to say that, you don't even know me all that well...!"

Urd chuckled from behind the fist she was daintly applying on her own mouth. "It is that obvious, I guess..."

"You know me even less!" Yuuna said, pointing at her.

Urd huffed. "I'm the big sister to your roommate and I have a perfect observation site from above! Why wouldn't I know everything about you?!"

Yuuna blushed intensely. "Y-You voyeur!"

"Oh, I don't watch you in the shower or anything, you have nothing that I don't," Urd walked past her and smiled at the obviously distrusting Natsumi. "So you'd like to have a wish, huh? You poor, romantic young soul, you're a teenager with illusions and dreams after all..."

Natsumi blushed a bit herself and rasped, looking aside. "I mean... It's not like I really care all that much, I'm just putting it as an example of how useless this magic of yours is to make anyone hap--"

"Say no more!" Urd grabbed her hand forcefully and shook it. "Big Sis Urd likes you, so I'm willing to give you one, if the Tree won't!"

Negi blinked. "Can you really do that, Urd-san?"

The goddess glared at him. "You doubt my power, boy?"

"N-No, but I thought that, unless you were summoned by a mortal, you couldn't grant their wishes?" he said.

Urd threw her hair back and smiled. "I can still contract a human and grant their wishes. Unlike Skuld, I'm still connected to Yggdrasil after all."

Negi's eyes lit up, but Yuuna stopped him with a hand gesture. "Skuld says you're half demon, wouldn't that cost your contractor their soul or something like that?"

"Hey, I'm all goddess by allegiance and heart!" Urd swore, kissing her own fingers. "Believe me, the last thing I want is to help Mom's business with anything!"

Negi eagerly moved towards her. "I'm willing to contract you, Urd-san, for--!"

Natsumi blinked, uietly muttering to herself. "Do you mean that, if I said s-something like, 'I wish for a kiss from m-my beloved', you would...?"

"-- finding Father," Negi was saying with a very fast ragged breathing, "and then maybe bringing him here, unless that counts as another wish? Can I just contract twice, or...?"

"What do I look like, a Djinn?" Urd told him. "Only one wish per person! Yours is granted, by the way, sweetie, because we have a deal, right?" she smiled, putting a hand on Natsumi's hair and rubbing it. "There's a price, of course, but not that of your soul! You'll just have to be my acolyte since you didn't access the system through a call like Keiichi did..."

Natsumi blinked. "Eh? But I haven't-- Ohhhh, I guess I have, right..." she suddenly grew very pale, biting down on his tongue.

And then lighting cracked across the sky, and Negi stiffened in place. Moments after, the thunder roared, and Negi's eyes went briefly blank.

Yuuna and Natsumi shuddered as one, and then quickly pulled together in fear, as Urd smiled and dusted her hands off.

"I understand..." Negi said, head now hanging low, face obscured by bangs of frontal hair. "That, this is... good too," he said in a very low, spaced out voice. "I always can find him later... on my own..."

"Suh-Sensei?" Natsumi gulped. "C-Come on, this isn't funny! You don't have to, I mean, when I s-said 'my beloved', I didn't mean, I don't even have one yet...!"

Yuuna briefly dropped her fear to scowl at her. "Oh please, Nat-chan."

Negi's head snapped back up, eyes glazed and a vacant smile on his lips. "I will give you now... the wish of your heart, Murakami-san..."

"aaaaaaaaaaiiiieeeeee!" Natsumi cried, terrified out of her mind.

The thunder roared again.

"Will you stop doing that?!" Yuuna shook a fist at the sky, then reconsidered and shook the fist at Urd instead. "I mean, will YOU stop doing that?! Turn him back to normal now!"

"No backsies," Urd said with a wink, as Negi began lurching towards Natsumi with a slow, mechanic gait. "My wishes don't half-do things, so when we mean 'kissing', it's going to be a full treatment kiss, dear... Just stand back and watch, you're going to see something really--"

"N-No!" Yuuna decided, reaching over to grab Natsumi's wrist, pulling her back right before Negi lunged on her, falling facefirst on the rooftop and kissing it with enought power as to blow several tiles up into so many tiny shattered fragments.

 

A Matter of Image.

"How are you, girls!" a very falsefully smiling Saeki Kaori waved as they ran into her along the street, the older girl wearing glasses, and her blonde hair tied back into a long ponytail. "I was wondering if Negi-sensei has said something on my application f--"

"Evangeline's reviewing that!" Chisame said, hurrying past her and all but dragging Hakase after herself.

Two blocks away, then found Akatsutsumi Momoko, also in glasses. "Ah, senpais!" the younger girl approached them. "I was thinking, Hasegawa-senpai, how do you think I'd look if I dyed my hair like y--"

"Please stay a redhead, have a good day!" Chisame said, hurrying again and soon leaving her behind.

Three blocks away, almost entering the dorms area, they met Takebe Saori, sporting glasses and a ponytail as well. "Oh, what a coincidence finding you here!" she ran up to them. "Just the girls I wanted to talk with! I'd like to know if there's some form or something I must fill for--"

"We're with a full roster right now, sorry, please stick to tanks or whatever you do!" Chisame hissed, quickly leaving her in the dust, with Satomi struggling to keep up.

---

"Okay, so the Festival made everyone think that's the kind of looks Negi-kun favors and she doesn't like that, I can understand that," Misora said as she and Cocone looked at the corner where Chisame sat facing the wall and whimpering to herself. "But that only explains what made her mad, not what made her so distressed!"

"It would seem," Satomi sighed, arms folded, "that boys also have been caught in this unexpected popularity wave. Guess which fanpage has just completely surpassed Chiu's in popularity...?"

"I don't know, I believe I could get used to this fashion," Matoi observed quietly, looking down through the window, at the passing girls below. "I'm sort of hoping it has the legs to last for a long while..."

 

Mahorafest.

---

Much to Natsumi's mounting horror, Negi simply peeled himself off the broken rooftop, not even bothering to shake the pieces of tiles as they rolled off his barely bruised face.

"You are in the way, Yuuna-san," he said flatly, and only then Natsumi truly noticed Yuuna had stepped in between both of them. "Please step aside, so I can kiss Natsumi-san."

"N-No!" Yuuna protested, wiping her Pactio card out. "Get a grip of yourself, Negi-kun! Not like this! You're acting like some sort of zombie!"

"The Ultimate Force itself is driving him," Urd pointed out. "It won't stop until Natsumi-chan has been kissed, although I'll admit maybe I overdid it a bit..."

"A, a bit?!" Natsumi gasped. "If I'm kissed like that, he'll literally explode the skin off my face!"

"That won't be a problem," Negi said, taking a stiff step towards the students. "It's nothing that Konoka-san can't fix..."

"Th-That's not the point, you'll traumatize her! And me, if I have to see that!" Yuuna said, pressing the card against her forehead. "You just stand back, I'll call Chisame and she'll scold you badly!"

"I, I don't think he, he cares about that anymore..." Natsumi gulped, sweating as Negi prepared himself with a small vague smile.

And then he was moving in a flash, so fast that Natsumi couldn't see him when he dashed forward, shoving her classmtae aside. With a yelp, Yuuna staggered towards the edge of the rooftop, but Urd moved almost as fast and caught her in her arms before she could fall. Yuuna hadn't even processed the shock of being treated like that by him, when she noticed he'd already trapped Natsumi in his arms, pulling him close to him.

The freckled teenager paled starkly, as his small mouth breathed warmly on her face. His lips pouted, and advanced towards hers, making her heart thump madly. Maybe, maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all? He still was Negi-kun after all, surely he would restrain himself...

Yes, just like he's just restrained himself with Yuuna, right? Idiot! she chided herself in terror, and then screamed loudly for help, a help that she was sure wouldn't arrive in time...

Except that it did, as right then, Yukihiro Ayaka herself dropped from somewhere with a loud, despairing cry of "Noooooooo!" and yanked powerfully on the back of Natsumi's blouse, violently pulling her away from him as his mouth only clashed with thin air, creating a small but strong burst of air that blew Ayaka and Murakami several steps back, making them fall on their butts.

 

Ritoilet Humor.

They were spending a few days at the castle of Dana-sama now, which was sort of like Eva's resort but much bigger-- the library might have impressed Yue had most of its volumes been in languages she could understand, although Nodoka and Haruna were working on translating as many of them as possible. Being more of the lazy type than them, Yue wasn't as comfortable here.

The most annoying part was how the place seemed so awfully short on bathrooms, something that had never been an issue over at Eva's. Luckily, tonight she hadn't found anyone in the ladies' room, which meant she had it all for herself, and good thing too, as she'd just woke up in a real hurry.

Lowering her panties down, Yue stopped when she noticed the toilet itself was making noise, frantically tapping its cover up and down.

Sensing something afoot even more than usual, she quickly pulled her underwear back and stared at the strangely moving toilet. It took her a few moments to realize why did it sound so odd and yet so familiar, that was...

"Morse Code?" she mouthed to herself, incredulous.

Thank God! the toilet's Morse spelled. Good thing you came before anyone else, Yue-san!

Yue narrowed her eyes. "Rito-san...?"

H-How did you know it's me?

"These things always happen to you," she said, looking around until she saw a small pile of clothes on the floor by a small funny looking machine. "You've got to stop accepting gifts from Lala, even if she means well. What was this one supposed to do?"

I thought it was a lantern, and I wanted to find my way in the dark... I ended in the girls' bathroom again, didn't I?

"I'm here, so yes, you did," she sighed. "Dana-sama really needs to update this palace with electricity. Wait, how do you even know Morse?"

I am more complex than people gives me credit for, Yue-san.

Yue arched an eyebrow. "Figures. W-Well, um, I'll go find Lala and see if she can do something..."

Right then, however, she was startled when someone else rushed in behind her. A gigantic shadow loomed over her.

"Oh, you're already finished, aren't you? Good, good, then please leave," the Witch of the Rift urged her, abruptly picking Yue up by the armpits and lifting her off her feet, as easily as one would carry a kitten. "Why don't you go back to sleep, a child your age needs the rest before what I'm going to put you through tomorrow..."

"W-Wait, there's something I must tell you!" Yue gasped as she was quick and easily taken outside. "Rito-senpai is--!"

"Yes, yes, he is lovely in a way, the poor fool, we'll talk about that later," Dana said, closing the door after her and leaving Yue standing outside, perplexed. "I cannot conversate right now!"

Yue blinked to herself. "Wait!" she still said, over the stacatto of frantic, terrified Morse from the closed room. "Can vampires even 'go'? I never noticed Eva going to--"

She bit her tongue when she heard the loud, meaty noise of vast, heavy buttocks splattering down on a seat, and then the deafening sound of an urgent call of nature being answered in full.

"Aaaahhhhhh!" said Dana's voice, pleased. "I hadn't had one like this in decades...!"

Yue thought that, somehow, in the back of her mind, she could heart Rito's faint yet shrill and piercing, desperate cry of pain and angst.

Then, her own urges piqued her again, and she crossed her legs together, biting on her lower lip.

Since it didn't sound like Dana would finish anytime soon, Yue quickly darted across the hall, towards the men's restroom.

A moment later, Negi's surprised scream ran through the fortress.

 

Auntie Yukino.

Surprisingly, she quickly became the most doting aunt to little Nara.

Even moreso than Nekane, she would always lovingly shove praise and cares upon the boy whenever they met, and hers used to be the priciest gifts for his birthdays, no small feat when the list of honorary aunts also includes a Yukihiro, a Naba, and three princesses from the Deviluke Empire.

Out of them all, only Nara's own mom and Haruna correctly guessed the true reasons from the start.

Yukino truly cherished and loved everything about Negi and Chisame's marriage, after all.

It had been the thing that gave Haruka back to her.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Hasegawa Chisame.

The last few days had been horribly taxing.

And it was all the fault of that kid. Since he had arrived, Chisame's life had shifted violently from relative normalcy among weirdos to a waking fever dream that gave no signs of stopping yet.

She sat very late now, dozing off as she faced her computer, finishing the latest updates to her page. She hadn't had the time to do it earlier, as she had been too busy helping Negi with that research on the 'Sakura Lane vampire'. A vampire, or something like that, geez. Why had this happened to her? What had she done to deserve it?

The cause of her woe slept soundly in Hakase's bunk along Hakase herself, as his pet ermine snored at a corner, splayed in a shoebox stuffed with panties pilfered from across the campus. So Chisame could not, in a clear conscience, blame them for what happened then.

Her screen began flashing an image she hadn't uploaded, first sending her into a panic over the prospect of being hacked by a rival, a troll, a scorned online suitor, or probably a morality guardian. Then the image, vague at first, settled in, and Chisame was further shocked, as it looked astonishingly like her own face. But it wasn't anything she remembered ever editing. That wasn't Chiu.

It was an older, more dignified Chisame, smiling benevolently.

"I'll be brief," her own voice, but more mature and marginally deeper, spoke to her, and Chisame was so stunned she couldn't even yelp as a response.

"Hold on there, Chisame," the woman told her. "It won't be easy. It won't be a pleasant road all the time. They'll drive you crazy, much more often than we'd care for. He'll put you to the test many, many times, and it's just starting. But it'll be worth it all. Please. Have faith in them. And whatever you do, never stop loving him."

"What... What are you...?" Chisame finally managed to stutter, trembling violently.

The woman closed her eyes. "Sorry. I can't explain. Sending this message was very difficult, short as it was. Be sure to thank Satomi someday, when the time comes."

"H-Hakase?" Chisame stuttered. "Cut that out, who the heck are--?!" Chisame demanded, right before her update finished loading, and her new front pics replaced that face on the screen. Once again, it was Chiu smiling at her and all the fans.

Chisame sat there, silent and wide eyed, over the next few moments.

"I really need to go to sleep already," she decided at last, turning it off.

Loving him. What a joke.

She snuck under the covers with a shudder, and tried her best to forget.

It didn't exactly work. How could it?

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Hakase Satomi.

Sekijou Sawako let out an impressed whistle as she analyzed the schematics in her computer.

She turned back towards the shorter, slightly younger black haired girl standing behind her seat. "I've got to congratulate you, Hakase-san, you've surpassed yourself once again. How do you do it? You've been in such a roll of late..."

"Rolling?" Satomi blinked. "I'm afraid I have no idea what are you talking about, such gymnastics are beyond my normal--"

Sekijou interrupted with a long suffering sigh. "It's a figure of speech to say you've been having a remarkable streak of notable achievements. What is your secret?"

Satomi scratched the back of her head bashfully. "Oh, that. I'm not sure you could say there's a direct correlation, but there is something I have been trying over the last few weeks..."

---

Satomi growled to herself, running her hands through her hair. Then she darted a look across the room to make sure Chisame wasn't nearby.

"Sensei!" she called out then. "Inspiration block, again!"

Negi blinked, set aside the book he'd been reading, and, with a sigh, stood from his small bunk. He walked over to Satomi and puckered his lips.

The young scientist clumsily darted ahead and claimed his lips into hers in a kiss that was not as awkward as when they'd started doing this.

After several moments, she pulled back with a smirk. "Eureka! Thank you very much, Sensei," she contentedly said, hands going back to dance onto her computer keyboard.

"You're... welcome," the boy said faintly, just standing there.

---

Hakase shrugged. "Let's just say I've found an efficient stress reliever to help me with my recurring frustrations," she plainly told Sawako.

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell.

She smiled as sultry as evilly and extended a pale, bare foot forward.

"If you want me to train you..." the small temptress purred, "kiss my feet..."

Negi blinked. "Oh, is that all?"

He fell to a knee before her, grabbed the foot, and began kissing it tenderly all over.

After a few moments of this, she blushed and began choking in her saliva. Flabbergasted, she looked at Chisame and Satomi. "He, he's experienced at this! What the hell's wrong with you people?!"

"D-Don't look at us!" Chisame protested. "We've never taught him anything like this!"

Negi briefly stopped kissing. "Evangeline-san, am I supposed to suck your toes as well? Anya likes it that way..."

 

Tales from Negi's, er, Collective.

---

Kakizaki Misa.

Her phone rang through the darkness.

Blinking out of her nice dreams, Misa reached out with a groan. Sakurako still slept blissfully in the bunk over hers, and Madoka across the bedroom. Not many would have guessed that, out of all three of them, Misa was the only one who wasn't a heavy sleeper, but even Misa hd her own share of surprises past the appearances.

She finally found the ringing phone in the nightstand's drawer and groaned into it. "Hello? This better be good..."

"Misa-chan, it's me."

She grimaced. "Taisuke, why the hell are you calling me this late?"

"I needed to, but I was too busy... doing important things..." his voice said.

"You just wanted to wait 'til your roommate was asleep," Misa accused with a tired yawn.

"Hey, Itou can be a pest when he wants to, and--"

"I told you already, Taisuke, it isn't going to happen," the girl snapped. "I have a new boyfriend!"

"Already?!"

"What are you implying with that? And why should I pin over you? You should be happy, now you can pursue that Katsura girl freely!"

"Who is that?"

"Do you take me for some sort of idiot? I've heard all about that Katsura airhead, the rich girl you--"

"No, no, I mean, who is he?! Don't tell me it's Death Glasses, you all have this weird torch for him as if he were such hot sh--"

"Screw you, take me for an Asuna? That's the worst thing you've ever done to me! Go fuck yourself, I don't want to see you ever again!"

And she slammed the phone back into the drawer, pushing it closed.

Sawanaga Taisuke sat on his bed perfectly still and blinked very slowly.

In the bed across the room, Itou Makoto opened his large brown eyes. "I thought I heard Kotonoha-san's name being ment--?"

Taisuke absently tossed the phone on his head.

The next morning, Sakurako and Madoka noticed Misa's eyes were somewhat reddened and swollen.

They were smart enough to not mention it.