OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

We Laugh at Killer Moth.

We laugh at Killer Moth, of course we do. After all, the man's always wearing a ridiculous costume... just like the man who still wears a monocle and top hat well into the 21th century, or the guy who puts zebra stripes on a half of his suits. He never learns from experience, never knows when to give up, and has been beaten by every do gooder in Gotham. He copied all of his ideas and then just dressed them up with butterfly motifs, much like Green Arrow copied everything from Bats and the applied a coat of Robin Hood on it. He's pathetic. A natural born loser. He was made for us to laugh at him.

And yet.

I don't respect anyone in Arkham. Heck, I don't respect anyone period, out of the IRS and my lawyer. But if I had to come somewhere abysmally close to a vague shadow of a faint semblance of respect for anyone in Arkham, that'd be Killer Moth.

Because Killer Moth knows he's pathetic and yet he keeps trying. Real idiots like Condiment King, or Kite-Man, or Crazy Quilt, they are under the delusions they're hot crap. They don't get their own joke. Moth gets it. He doesn't laugh at it, he just gets angry over it, and that's what makes him laughable, but he gets it. He doesn't drop the lame shtick, he could easily give himself another less lame name and costume and try and fail again, but he sticks to his moth guns, he is true to himself. He tries his best, like Sissyphus, to do the impossible and get respect for what he IS, instead of pleasing the stupid masses and changing for the sake of their plebeian tastes. I guess I can kind of admire that, even.

That's what I like about Killer Moth. He doesn't have any brains, but he has real balls. Except when it comes to his daughter, but I've met that kid, and I've gotta admit, she's scary. I don't say this about many people. I don't say this about Darkseid. But that kid, she's just... like that... and yet Moth actually tries his best to be a father to that thing instead of suffocating her in her sleep. I hate brats and would drown mine if I had any, but I can kinda sorta something distantly resembling to respect that, too. I've never known anyone who sticks better to lost causes.

That time we all thought Batman was dead, and we gathered to learn and deduce who had done it, Killer Moth wanted to take a photo with me and Lex. Lex didn't want to, of course, not only because of his public image, but because... well, because of his underworld image. But I convinced him, don't ask how. We took the damned photo with Killer Moth, and I'm sure that was the happiest day of his life. I could literally hear him quietly weeping in joy under the mask. He was in the same shot with the Joker and Lex Luthor. He had done it, brief and pointless as it had been.

I wouldn't let anyone take a picture of me with the Riddler or Deathstroke unless they were dead and under my heel, but I did that for him. Because he makes me laugh.

You have to laugh at Killer Moth, after all.

 

[OverMaster]

Gift.

"I honestly don't know what went wrong," a sincerely baffled Ayaka recalled, taking a hand to her chin.

"Hrrrrmmmm!" Asuna growled.

"I mean," Ayaka said. "Asakura-san and I did the best research we could to find her resting place. That went over excellently, I think we can all agree on that."

Negi just sighed.

Ayaka continued. "And then I hired the best specialist my family's money could locate and pay, and brought him over from Clock Tower itself to deliver on it. I ask of you, hasn't that worked out reasonably well too?"

"As... As well as it ever could, I suppose..." Chisame ran a hand down her own face.

"Then," Ayaka demanded, "why isn't Sayo-san happy with my gift?!"

"Gee, I have no idea," Haruna snarled out a corner of her mouth, watching how Sayo's ghost madly raced all around, fleeing her own shambling, long decayed corpse, chasing after her moaning for a hug and headpat.

"EEEEEEEEEEEKK!"

Standing at a side with Ayaka and puffing on a cigarette, Sisigou Kairi shrugged his broad shoulders. "I imagine it'll be okay as soon as she grows used to the idea."

 

[OverMaster]

Let's Say You're in Danger: A Guide on Superheroes in the Unequally Universe.

Let's say you're in danger. Doctor Doom, the Joker or the Underminer has you in a slow acting, painful death trap. The goods news are you don't have to worry; odds are a superhero will come to rescue you before long, and that 'before long' might even be before the death trap has killed you. The bad news are you've got to be careful when dealing with your rescuer. Proper etiquette is necessary after a heroic rescue, and each rescuer demands for their own approach to gratitude. Some are easier to remember and enact than others, but here are most of them for completions' sake.

Superman: The golden standard, and you'll never meet a nicer guy anywhere. Anything you do will be fine with him, really. Odds are he won't have the time to stay and chat because there's always a kitten to be taken off a tree or a plane about to crash, but don't take it personally, he'd be glad to stop and have a nice conversation and inspirational talk with you if possible. Most often, he at least will have time to sign an autograph.

Batman: He'll usually just disappear the second you've taken your eyes off him. Don't be weirded out if he never tells you anything. If he tries to inject you with anything, LET HIM DO IT, as odds are whoever had you caught infected you with some weird toxin to turn you into a minion lookalike.

One Punch Man: Yes, this short bald man, this nonentity, is the one who has just saved you. Really. Your brain will refuse to accept it even if you have just seen him in action, but do a token effort to accept it and thank him. He won't look really grateful, but trust us, he will be.

Birdman: He'll immediately offer his services to sue the villain who kidnapped you. Take him on the offer, as his prices tend to be reasonable and really, if you don't, who's to say he'll bother rescuing you next time, especially after you let the villain walk away free?

Hawkgirl: Don't ever mention Birdman, and no, she is NOT Birdgirl, never bring that name up either. Be a gentleman and you should be okay, but don't expect much in the way of pleasantries.

Spawn: Try not to vomit until he's gone. It'll be hard, what with his smell and the gore of the villain scattered all around you, but do your best. If you can't, it's not like he'll take it out on you, but...

Any X-Man: For the love of God, don't start accusing them of being in league with the villain and throw bricks at their heads. That's how most of them end up fed up with humans and coming in league with villains.

Power Girl: Try and keep your eyes on her face. You will not be able to regardless, but she can tell when someone has at least attempted...

Hawkeye: NEVER call him Green Arrow.

Green Arrow: NEVER call him Hawkeye.

Namor: Okay, if he's bothered to rescue you, he's in a heroic phase this week. Just be polite but don't take much of his time, and please, never mention Aquaman, and everything should turn out okay.

Spider-Man: Be patient if he starts ranting to you on how awful his week has been and/or giving a weirdass inspirational speech. Man's a real ball of nerves, don't be a dick and don't ever bring up what the mass media say. Try and laugh at his jokes, lame as they may be.

Deadpool: Just give him any money you have on you and DO laugh at his jokes, or he'll make you the butt of the next one.

War Machine: If you're interested on job applications for Stark International, his armor can print register forms. You only need asking for one.

Green Lantern: She's into girls. If you are one, you can try your luck. If not, don't bother.

Venom: Just... play along. Do act as if you believe every word of his insane intense Lethal Protector of the Innocent fever rant as he drools all over, stretching his huge claws like a maniac. If you've got any chocolate on you, give it to him and he'll be thankful enough. He'll split as soon as the cops arrive, and trust us, it will happen soon.

Big Hero Six: Just let the robot run his medical scans on you and don't protest.

Thor: You won't understand a single word of his archaic speech. Just nod and smile at everything.

Captain Hero: Grab the villain's gun and shoot yourself before he gets you.

Aquaman: A really jovial fellow, he'll only get upset if you go out of your way to be a dick and ask the 'talking to fish' questions. He's heard them all one million times before, believe us.

Daredevil: If the villain has hit him a few times, often he'll address you while facing the nearest wall instead. This is... relatively normal for him. Don't question him on it.

The Fantastic Four: If you're a young woman and Johnny Storm starts pestering you, feel free to slap him as hard and often as possible. None of the others will hold it against you.

The Sailor Senshi: Mercury is the one to talk to whenever possible, but don't ignore the others too much either. It's a very fine line to walk onto.

Tuxedo Kamen: He'll just leave before you even cay say anything, really.

Section Eight: Turn around and run as fast as you possibly can. Don't ever look back. There's a slight chance of survival yet.

The Great Lakes Avengers: If you survived the rescue attempt so far you'll survive anything. Relax and don't have a single worry, do whatever you want. Mock them at your own leisure. Don't be shocked if Mr. Immortal tries to kill himself.

Wonder Woman: She's still trying to get used to the ways of man's world. Be patient with her. If you're a man and she calls you 'sperm bank' she doesn't mean harm, that's just how Amazons call men and old habits are hard to break, but she isn't hitting on you either. Usually will use her Lasso of Truth to see if you and the villain weren't just setting a trap for her. There's no way around it, so you'd better have led a clean life so far.

The Spectre: He'll have left a psychiatrist's card by your side so you can start your slow path to recovery from what he did to the villain before your eyes as soon as you wake up from your faint of horror and disgust. His psychiatrists are top quality, so don't worry about that part.

The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Just try to stomach the unbearable stench of sewer and force civil chuckles at the lame puns of the one in the orange bandana. They'll be gone before long anyway.

Darkwing Duck: Accept his signed photos and assorted memorabilia, they sometimes are worth a few dollars or yen online. Often hangs around a really cute girl in twintails, zettai ryouiki, the world's shortest skirt and the world's tighest red sweater who is bi, keeping a horny sister at home, and open to anything NOT involving the duck. Just in case you are interested. The VN says she's eighteen, so it should be fine.

 

[chiufan95]

Who's captain hero and section eight?

 

[OverMaster]

Captain Hero is from the animated series Drawn Together, and Section Eight come from DC's Hitman comics.

 

[Akuma-Heika]

Captain Hero is from the animated series Drawn Together, and Section Eight come from DC's Hitman comics.

Click to shrink...

Often hangs around a really cute girl in twintails, zettai ryouiki, the world's shortest skirt and the world's tighest red sweater who is bi, keeping a horny sister at home, and open to anything NOT involving the duck. Just in case you are interested. The VN says she's eighteen, so it should be fine.
Who is she?

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally's Tohsaka Rin.

Also Unequally based.

---

The Eye Has It.

"I have come," Odin said gravelly, "for information on the Ragnarok Initiative."

"Oh my," Belldandy took a hand to her cheek. "We would love to help, Lord Odin, but you know we are under severe regulations from our mainframe not to share any Omega Level data, even to the likes of you, without a proper--"

Urd rasped. "What Bell's trying to say, sir, is there is a price to be paid for knowledge."

"State your price, Norns," Odin humbly lowered his head.

Skuld hummed. "Hmmmm! Okay, then, what about--"

---

"-- and you really asked him for THIS?!" Yuuna gasped in disbelief, pointing at the eyeball her roommate kept in a tank filled with a crystal clear liquid. "What use could you ever have for a guy's eye?"

"A god's eye, Yuuna," Skuld dryly corrected her from her drawing board. "Who knows, maybe I could need to clone him someday, or something like that..."

 

[wellis]

Darkwing Duck: Accept his signed photos and assorted memorabilia, they sometimes are worth a few dollars or yen online. Often hangs around a really cute girl in twintails, zettai ryouiki, the world's shortest skirt and the world's tighest red sweater who is bi, keeping a horny sister at home, and open to anything NOT involving the duck. Just in case you are interested. The VN says she's eighteen, so it should be fine.

Click to shrink...

Does Darkwing Duck force her to work with him? I guess she couldn't stick around with Shirou for whatever reason?

"-- and you really asked him for THIS?!" Yuuna gasped in disbelief, pointing at the eyeball her roommate kept in a tank filled with a crystal clear liquid. "What use could you ever have for a guy's eye?"

"A god's eye, Yuuna," Skuld dryly corrected her from her drawing board. "Who knows, maybe I could need to clone him someday, or something like that...

Click to shrink...

Hah Great way of connecting the myth & anime.

 

[OverMaster]

Upgrade.

"I am sorry, Herald," Galactus spoke, as gravelly as ever. "But I have seen the need to access the Golden Plan of Intergalactic Scouting in my never ending quest for susteinance. Thus, meet... The Golden Surfer."

The shiny gold figure hovering next to the World Devourer smiled, and his mouth full of flawless golden teeth sparkled.

Norrin Radd took pause. "Very well..." he said at last. "Far from me to question Galactus' wisdom. So, am I free now?"

"Whatever gave you that idea?" Galactus asked. "You are to be taken to Cosmic Toilet Cleaning duty..."

 

[OverMaster]

Movie Madness.

"People say I don't have any cultural curiosities, but that's so false!" Makie complained, taking a hand to her own chest. "I'll let you know, I'm a real cinema connoseiur... conniseure... a real movie fan!"

"Oh, yeah?" Haruna said. "Who's your favorite director?"

Makie smiled. "Alan Smithee! He hasn't made a single bad movie yet!"

"... Okay," Haruna said.

"And he's so versatile, too! He can do directing, costuming, scripts, pretty much anything, in all kinds of movies...!" Makie gushed. "So modest, too! A genius so big, but you never can find his picture anywhere!"

 

[OverMaster]

The Reason.

"Okay!" Chisame said, finally fed up. "Do you really want to know why Negi chose me instead of you or Iinchou or Kasuga, then?!"

"Yeah, of course I do!" Misa fumed angrily. "What, hadn't I made it obvious already?!"

"Can you disguise yourself as me?!" Chisame demanded.

"What? No, of course not! But, what does that have to do with--"

"Can you disguise yourself as Iinchou?!"

"Uhhhh... No, no, not that I've ever tried, but--!"

"As Tatsumiya?!"

"Why would I ever-- Oh. Oh. Oh, oh, oh..."

"Yeah, exactly! Can you disguise yourself as Kagurazaka, or Hakase, or Shizuna-sensei?!"

"Asuna?! Boy, she's going to be mad-- wait, you can make a convincing Hakase?!"

Chisame smiled smugly. "Do you think I've been her roommate for years for nothing?"

"That... A-Anyway, that's kind of a pathetic reason for--"

"In the event you really need to know, I'm just myself most of the time, so shut up."

"That only kind of takes us back to the starting-- A second, now. Do you dress up as me, too?!"

"Uhhh... Well, actually..."

It was Misa's turn to smile evilly. "Now, one thing you've never been able to give him is a twin threesome, right...?"

"Actually, that's what we usually invite the Narutakis over for, but thanks for the offer anyway, I guess."

"AAARRGHHHH!"

 

[OverMaster]

The Winning Circle.

"Welcome to the Club of Winners!" happily chorused the gathered girls, clapping for Chisame.

Chisame winced awkwardly. "Um, thank you, I guess, but-- are you sure I really belong here? I only won in one timeline, after all..."

"Oh, don't you worry about that!" Hinata-san laughed good naturedly.

"You're one of us, one of uuuuus!" Orihime-san chanted.

"Yeah," Chitoge-san shrugged. "Nobody won in the other timeline, so you're the clear winner there anyway. Now she, on the other hand? She really lost badly..."

Chisame turned her head around following Chitoge's pointing finger, and she saw another Chisame laying by the doorstep and all pierced through by spears.

So Chisame began screaming in terror.

---

"-- and THAT'S why I woke up screaming!" she growled, tossing her hands up. "There, I told you, happy now?!"

Satomi stared, then flinched. "You've got some deeply serious issues, Chisame..."

 

[OverMaster]

Never Meet Your Heroes.

"-- and that's when the Bat showed up, we lost Charlie, and we barely got away. Sorry, Boss," one of the henchmen in greasy clown makeup gulped loudly. "Please don't kill us!"

The Joker's green right eyebrow twitched up his chalk white forehead, and his wide red mouth also trembled horribly, showing off his long, yellowed teeth, as numerous as piano keys. He seemed to boil inside madly, his hands clenching in and off at his sides, and he finally, after long, long moments of seething tension, deflated with a bitter grunt. "You idiots! Useless morons! I hope you are happy now, cretins!"

The henchmen waited for a few moments, then one of them asked. "So... you aren't going to kill us?"

"What?!" the Joker said. "Oh, no, not you too! Are you also buying those Scarecrow fear campaigns to smear my reputation? You sure are hopeless idiots! If I killed my henchmen all the time as they say, who would ever work for me anymore?! How would I ever get anything done?! Moreso now, that we are one man shorter in numbers! Seriously, damn it!"

He turned around angrily and stomped out of the room.

The henchmen shared a disappointed look. "Man!" one of them finally said. "This guy's sure overrated!"

 

[OverMaster]

The Specialist.

The Disney/Marvel board sat in attention, as the man in the fine business suit addressing them finished his exposition.

"-- and so, after these careful months of consideration and planning, we have decided to hire the services of the utmost specialist in X-Men entertainment in existence, to help smooth the franchise's transition from FOX to Marvel Studios. He is got a stellar record of using the X-Men for his productions to overwhelming success, and I am sure you will find his ideas to be greatly enlightening and expanding. Ladies and gentlemen--"

"Yeah, yeah, well, enough of that already, boy!" shouted a huge presence, a gigantic bloated mass on a multi-legged transport unit, bursting into the meeting room on several dozens of clicking metal spider legs, tapping against the floor. A grotesque, shirtless, greenish abomination with bloodshot eyes, closely followed by an impassive four aarmed woman in a suit taking notes. He pushed the man aside and faced the board with a huff. "Okay, I kinda like the scam you've got running here, but you aren't thinking big enough yet! If I'm going to be at charge, I'm going to be changing that for the better, the bigger, the louder, all that jazz! Trust me, by the time I'm done with you, you'll have totally blown the MOJO outta all other ducks in this dingy town! We'll start with casting and work up from there, where do you keep your recruiting brigades? They'd better be damn well armed, I don't work with lightweights..."

 

[OverMaster]

This Man, This Shinji!

"Man!" Otaku-kun scoffed while watching Neon Genesis Evangelion. "This Shinji, what a pussy! I bet that, were I in his place, I'd have banged all those broads already without ever complaining!"

Then a bright, beautiful lady in a sparkly pink dress appeared in his room, waving a staff around. "Konnichi-wa! I'm the Otaku Fairy, desu! I was passing by to Fairyland Anime-Con and happened to overhear, you wanted to be Ikari Shinji-kun...?"

Otaku-kun's eyes lit up. "Would I...!"

---

Around Episode Ten:

Fuyutsuki put the letter left behind down. "And that's what it says, seriously, Commander. The poor boy obviously was not well..."

Gendo looked up at the body hanging from the ceiling. "Hm. He was even more useless than I had imagined."

"What a disgusting creep," Asuka cringed, rubbing herself up and down her arm.

 

[OverMaster]

You know what, I'd like to try and at least get the Yukihiro Island story done and done right. Let's see if we can start with a rework of what I'd done of it so far. Introducing the Negiplane earlier in this continuity makes sense with Ayaka already in the team.

---

The Obligatory Beach Episode.

"Negi," Chisame's voice cut through the night like a well handled, precise and exact knife, "just come... I mean, go sleep already."

"Just a second, Chisame," the boy said as he kept working on his laptop.

"I know," Chisame said, "I'm the last person who should ever complain on others spending too long in the Internet, but-"

"Maginet," Negi said.

"Excuse me?" the girl asked from the bedroom's upper bunk.

"Maginet," Negi replied, his eyes still on the screen. "The special global computer network for magic users."

"I didn't know that," she said. "Why didn't you ever tell me about it?"

"I knew you wouldn't be interested," Negi shrugged, still without looking at her.

Chisame propelled herself up on her elbows on the mattress. "You know I'm interested on all things computer!"

"But you also try to avoid most magical things," Negi answered, his fingers softly tip-toing on the keys. "Honestly, Chisame, why are you so upset now?"

"Why am I so upset? Little freak, you've been running yourself to an early grave lately! You barely sleep, you split your days between training and teaching, and as your guardian here, that's my responsibility! My fault! So stop doing this to yourself and try acting like a normal boy for once!"

Now he did look at her. "Of course I'm not a normal boy. That's the whole point of what I've been doing all these years. That's what I've struggled for so much. My father wasn't a normal man, so I see no reason why I should try to-"

"Your father, your father, it's always your father!" Chisame snapped. "Why don't you start thinking for yourself instead of thinking based on what your father did or would have done?!"

"Why are you so angry at me?!" he snapped as well, being as he was antsier than usual ever since the incident with the dragon. "Am I being too loud with the typing? I can take it to the living room or even-"

"Forget the damn typing!" Chisame told him. "I'm fed up because you're a moron, that's why! Because even after everything you saw in Kyoto, and everything the other you told you, you still are intending to go ahead with this by yourself, when it's clear you have absolutely no chance in hell going that way!"

"Ah?"

"That's why you didn't tell me about that Maginet, right?!" Chisame accused. "So you shouldn't have to share this research with me! Despite knowing I'm far better qualified than you for Web searches!"


"Not to offend, but I doubt that applies to magical Web searches!"

"We won't know until I've tried it, right? But you don't want me to, because you're still deadset on doing things all alone!"

"I'm not saying I don't want your help, but you must think of what's best for yourselves, too!" he argued.

"What do you know about what's best for us?" Chisame challenged him. "You don't know what's the best for yourself! If you had any sense, you'd drop this insane quest before it kills you, and settle down for a quiet life like a normal person! I'm sure that's what your father would have wanted for you, if he was a good person!"

"What do you mean with if?!" Negi found himself actually raising his voice back at that.

"Well, let's be honest, if he's actually out there, and he was available to save you five years ago, why wasn't he ever around to at least tell you and your cousin he was alright and you shouldn't worry!"

"He was there alive and well right before my eyes!" Negi argued. "He didn't need to tell me!"

"Yeah, and what about the rest of the time?! What kind of father only shows up when his children are in deadly danger? That's not what parenthood is about! Parenthood is a day-to-day struggle, a constant protection, love given every day, not only when otherwise your children are going to be killed by a demon horde!"

Negi's eyes watered at an alarming rate. "You... You only say that because you had a bad father!" he accused, too caught in the heat of the moment to mind much what he was saying.

"We aren't talking about my father here! And I'm not like him! I accept my responsibilities, while you want to be like yours and just run away to do your thing! Leaving those who care about you in the dust!" her eyes were watering as well, as her voice sizzled angrily. "You may like talking big about how responsible you are, but in truth, you're being the complete opposite! You can't be responsible when you gamble with your own life! Snap out of those lone hero fantasies or you'll end up just like him! Lost and abandoning those who counted on you!"

That hit Negi harder than any of Sextum's blows.

He shuddered, standing up and backing away on shaky legs, and then ran out of the room, crying his head off. "I... I can't believe you said that!"

Chisame stood there, not making any attempt to follow him, just planting a hand over her face and crying bitterly on it.

Satomi lifted her head from the pillow in the lower bunk and muttered, "That didn't go as expected, did it?"

"Why didn't you say anything, then?!" Chisame growled.

"I don't have a good father either, so I wouldn't have known what to say," the scientist absently mused. Chamo kept on snoring in his panty drawer, turning around and scratching himself in the furry belly. "Don't you think you perhaps were too harsh on him?"

"Shut up!" Chisame said, wiping her eyes stubbornly. "What about all the pain that brat causes u— those who care about him! Telling us we're interfering! After all we've done for him! Who does he think he is?"

"I don't think he actually said that..." Satomi smacked her lips together.

"Who cares! He was thinking it!" Chisame screeched.

Satomi reached up to loosely hug her pillow. "Well, you'd know that better than me. But you also know he'll be upset over this over the next days to come, don't you?"

"Please, he's too spineless to hold grudges with anyone," Chisame rolled back on the bed, facing the wall. "By tomorrow he'll be back to trying to get on my good graces, you just wait..."

It occurred to Satomi then perhaps she actually had overestimated Chisame's knowledge of Negi's psychology a fair bit.

---

Three days of oddly uneventful peace later:

"- I can't believe he won't talk to me yet," an oddly rattled Chisame murmured over lunch at the cafeteria. "I mean, wouldn't it have to be the other way around? That I'd be the one pissed off at him and giving him the cold shoulder? I'm the Tsundere, for Pete's sake!"

"Well, he wasn't the one to insult your father, though..." Asuna pointed out.

"He did, too!" Chisame said. "It's just I don't care because he deserves it, but still!"

"So..." Konoka said in a low voice, sitting between Asuna and Setsuna, opposite Satomi, Hasegawa and Tsunetsuki, "isn't he sleeping with...?"

Satomi raised a hand.

Konoka whistled. "It's serious, then...!"

Chisame began banging a fist on the table, scaring those around them. "Like hell I care, though! If he wants to play hardball, that's his problem! I'm not going to apologize, ever! I meant every word, and I still do!"

Konoka helpfully handed her a handkerchief over the table.

"Thank you," Chisame said. "Um, this reminds me, I've gotta go use the toilet. Because, hm, I had prune juice for breakfast. 'Scuse me," she then quickly headed for the restroom.

Without missing a beat, Hakase held Matoi by a sleeve. "No, Sempai, you're staying here..."

"Drat!"

Asuna's Asuna-sense gave her a full body shudder then, and a moment later, a few white petals drafting through the air heralded the radiant arrival of Ayaka, smiling in a beautiful, blissed out way. "Oh, there you are, Asuna-san, Konoka-san, everyone! I hope you are all prepared for the trip!"

"Which trip, Iinchou?" Asuna asked.

"Why, the trip to my private island for the next weekend, of course!" Ayaka replied, taking the seat previously taken by Chisame without even asking, and sighing very happily. "I've just talked it with Negi-sensei, and he was extremely contented to come along with me, I mean, us!" Her face and tone suddenly soured. "At least until I reminded him Chisame-san would have to come as well. What has she done this time?"

"Um, Iinchou?" Asuna lowered her voice. "Wasn't that trip thing just some excuse to cover up-"

"I know, but by now too many people has learned about it, and I can't back away on it without losing face!" Ayaka hissed/whispered, far from her usual elegant and dignified custom. "Don't try to dodge my question! What did Chisame-san do?!"

"She and Negi-sensei had a fight, that's all," Setsuna told her. "I wouldn't worry that much, they're bound to-"

"What?!" Ayaka cried. "What sort of fiendish act could move an angelic martyr like Sensei to become that angry at someone?!"

Matoi began toying with a knife as her eyebrows quivered quite erratically. Ayaka didn't even notice it.

"She badmouthed his dad, sort of, but to be honest, the stubborn brat was asking for-" Asuna began.

"Whaaaaat?!" Ayaka further cried, and by now those in the neighboring tables were listening intently, making Setsuna extremely uncomfortable. "The nerve of that bullying woman! Speaking against an apostle of true justice like Sensei's honorable father! What is her problem, anyway?"

By now, Hakase had to actually hold Matoi from behind, as strongly as she could, to keep the fuming and hissing Sempai at bay. Ayaka somehow missed out on that as well.

Konoka gestured at her to calm her down. "Iinchou, please, calm down, will you? Chisame-san must be about to return from the restroom, and-"

"Oh, so that's where she is!" Ayaka rose back to her feet, then began stomping for the bathroom. "Hiding from me, isn't that right? Well, I'll teach her to mind her big mouth!"

Asuna and Setsuna would normally have tried to stop her, but right then they were too busy helping Hakase to keep the madly wheezing and growling Matoi pinned to the floor so Ayaka could keep on living still oblivious to the threat to her life the Sempai currently posed.

"CHISAME-SAN!" Ayaka said as she stormed into the bathroom. "I demand an explanation as for why you and Sensei are-!"

Then she came to a sudden halt as she saw Chisame exiting a stall, with a soaked handkerchief in a hand, extremely reddened eyes, and slightly askew glasses.

A terribly uncomfortable silence from both parties ensued.

"Um," Ayaka finally said, with a knot in her throat, "I just, I only came to ask if you still were willing to come to the scheduled retreat..." Then she raised a finger, "Negi-sensei said he wouldn't come unless you did!"

"Oh, really," Chisame said in a terrifyingly dry and bitter voice.

Ayaka nodded very quickly. "Hm, of course, he won't admit it to you yet, but I'm sure, sooner or later he'll come around to- It's been difficult for you as well, hasn't it?"

"I don't know what are you talking about."

"Oh, naturally. My apologies. Regardless, I, I would like to have you there as well, and-"

"Why?"

Ayaka sighed and just said the truth. "Because, I don't have the heart to apply discipline on Negi-sensei. But you do. Right now, I don't know if that means my heart is too soft or yours is too hard, but... It started because he kept insisting on placing himself in danger, right?"

Chisame replied with a non-committal grunt.

"Right," Ayaka answered herself, "and then he began making an example of his father, and you thought you had to stop it, so of course, he..."

"If you could deduce all of that, Sherlock," Chisame growled, "why did you come here howling for my blood?"

"... I hadn't stopped to think about it," Ayaka sheepishly replied.

"Yeah, well, that's always the problem with you."

"No, the problem... sole problem, I might add... with me is I love Negi-sensei too much as to be stern to him, but I can realize, as soon as I stop to think about it, the need for someone to put their foot down and set limits for him, even if he doesn't like them. That's why I'm willing to admit Negi needs a strong older sister like you, Chisame-san."

"Gee, your approval fills me with joy," Chisame said.

"Think whatever you want of me, and I'll do the same for you," Ayaka shot back. "But, no matter how you put it, living under the same roof as someone who is always upset at you is an annoyance, wouldn't you agree? Why not, then, to come along and work out a rational solution for this in a relaxed environment away from the stressful day to day duties? You know, like civilized human beings?"

"..." Chisame said.

"How many other chances to visit an island in the South Pacific will you ever get?"

Chisame made a few gestures of angrily reach over to Ayaka with clawing fingers, but finally just collapsed unto herself with a sigh. "Whatever," she said.

Ayaka smiled and nodded. "Now that's the Chisame-san we know and lovingly tolerate!"

"You realize, of course," Yue's voice said from within a nearby toilet stall, "that conversation would have raised many questions if someone else had been here to listen to it, don't you? Also, could one of you pass me some more paper? I just ran out of it here..."

---

Three more days of oddly, and by now frankly worrying, uneventful peace later:

"This is it!" Ayaka proudly exclaimed, spreading her arms open, as she led the Ala Alba into the suitably splendid Yukihiro Private Airport, under a colorful parasol held by the always close, dutifully stonefaced Roberta. "The pride of the Yukihiro Aerial Fleet! The vessel that will take us to oceanic paradise on the wings of our love, I mean, our comraderie, our—!"

Negi began emitting a series of short, strangled sounds as his face lightly twitched, the scar on his cheek subtly puffing in and out.

The brand new, shiny airplane had his smiling, winking, somewhat idealized and even more pretty boy-ified image painted on both sides, making a 'V' sign with a hand and surrounded by floating pastel colored hearts.

"Ooooohhhhh!" Makie cooed, as her cheeks flushed brightly pink. "That's so gorgeous, Iinchou! You've surpassed yourself this time!"

"Oh ho ho ho ho, thank you, Makie-san!" the blonde laughed. "I made sure our team decorated the Negiplane to the best of our capacities! Emblazoned with the bold yet loving figure of our fearless leader, we shall spread our mission across the oceans!"

"Negiplane?!" Chisame yelled. "Who do you think he is, Batman?!"

Negi grumbled, making sure to look away from her. "Of course not, unlike me, he doesn't abandon those closest to him, does he? Because he's a real hero unlike my Father, isn't that right?"

"Oh, cut it out already, you!" Chisame growled at him.

"I'm not sure it'll be safe traveling in this thing," Yuuna opined. "Won't we be shot down in sight as soon as we fly over another country's sea territory, or whatever it's called?"

"If I were a president and I saw a clown plane flying over my territorial waters, I'd have it shot down, too," Skuld agreed soberly. "It'd be sure to transport crazed supervillains."

"Negi-kun was a super villain," Makie pointed out.

"That's different, he—" Ayaka began.

"And Paru-chan wants to take over the world."

"She does, yeah, but—"

"And technically, you often hire Deadpool-san, who IS a supervillain of sorts, so doesn't that also kinda make you a—"

"I think I got it already, Makie!"

Misora snickered. "Why don't we repaint it into a Chiuplane instead?"

Chisame growled.

Akira blinked. "Huh? What does that Chiu person have to do with any—"

"She's just talking for the sake of it!" Chisame interrupted, waving a hand around.

"A Chiuplane..." Matoi hissed, chewing on her lower lip and moving her hips in slight circles, ever so slowly. "I really like the sound of that, yes, I do..."

"Do you have a pilot for this flight already?" Saber asked, vaguely interested. "If not, I would like to volunteer myself for the task. Since I apparently have to go at all, I might as well make myself useful..."

Shirou blinked. "Do you really can fly one of these? But how, they didn't even exist during your-"

His Servant half-smiled confidently, closing her eyes. "That'd be no problem for me. My A-ranked Riding skill allows me to handle any sort of vehicle as easily as I'd manage the saddle and reins of a steed. There is no great science to it, actually."

Makie, Sakurako, Ai, Sora and Rito tilted their eyes upwards in silence, and a shared thought balloon showing Saber literally stradling the top of the Negiplane and madly riding it all over the ocean appeared above them. Then they shuddered collectively.

Ayaka smiled benevolently at the Heroic Spirit. "Sure thing, why not? I had planned to recruit Leigharch-san now he's gotten his pilot license, but I suppose King Arthur is enough of a good replacement for the Yukihi-"

"SABER-SAN WILL DO JUST GREAT, THANKS!" almost everyone eagerly interrupted her, visibly disturbed all of a sudden.

Saber took pause at that. "This Leigharch person, who would he happen to be..."

"Let's just say I would actually love to go in that plane with him, but only if it were the two of us in it," Itoshiki bitterly stated.

"Wow, that sounded really, really gay, you know?" Chamo asked him.

"I'm just saying that he'd crash us into the ocean at peak speed before half an hour, that's all!"

"So you're basically saying you want to die with him? That's even gayer, sheesh...!" the ermine pointed out.

"It sure does sound that way, doesn't it?" the man realized. "I'M IN DESPAIR! Being so easily taken for decadent bishounen forbidden love bait has left me in despair!"

Haruna sniffed in disdain. "Well, if you've got a talent for something, why shouldn't you be proud of it...?"

 

[OverMaster]

Regardless, since more often than not the will of the rich imposes itself over anything else, common sense included, early that Saturday the Negiplane proudly flew through the quiet blue skies over the South Pacific Ocean.

"Negi-sensei, would you please cheer up with this non-alcoholic cocktail?" Ayaka sweetly said, sliding to the seat next to his and offering him a colorful cocktail glass complete with tiny red and yellow umbrellas.

"Huh?" Negi snapped out of his thoughts, taking his eyes from the window. "Oh, right, thank you, Iinchou-san. I'll make sure to enjoy it…" he said, taking the straw to his lips and slowly starting to sip through it, with an expression that clearly conveyed no enjoyment. Or anything else, for that matter.

Ayaka, nervously stuck after that first step, eagerly looked back, over her shoulder, at the next row of seats across the hallway, where Naba Chizuru sat. The bustier girl just calmly gestured at her in a way that Ayaka chose to interpret as 'Just keep on going naturally', although she wasn't terribly sure about that. She just had the sensation Chizuru wasn't taking this whole incident as seriously as she should have.

"Negi-sensei," Ayaka softly told the boy, "what is bothering you so much? Airplanes, after all, are the statistically safest way to travel, and even if this plane ever fell, I'd make sure you would parachute to safety even if it took my own life…"

"What? Oh, no, traveling by plane doesn't bother me at all!" Negi reassured her with the best smile he could muster at the moment. "In truth, I've only traveled this way once before, when I arrived from Wales, but… I didn't feel nervous then either. Anxious, yes, but only because of what expected for me at Japan, not that I had anything against your country at all, it was just…"

"I understand perfectly," Ayaka nodded to placate his newest bout of awkwardness. "And even so, not to contradict you, I can see something is eating you up! Seeing you like this all through this week has left me so worried I've even lost weight!"

"Eeeeehhh? Lost weight? It sure doesn't look that way!" Makie said, suddenly appearing right behind Ayaka, making Arika to blink in surprise. When had she slipped past her vigilance? The pink haired girl giggled, pinching on Ayaka's sides. "I know Chachamaru's pastries are delicious, Iinchou, but Eva'll get angry if you still gain weight despite her training…!"

"Ma-Ma-Makie-san!" Ayaka screeched, turning around to glare daggers at her.

"Hey!" Haruna popped out behind Makie in turn, "how come we don't get any of those cocktails for ourselves? Just like the rich, wiping their shapely butts with egalitarianism!"

"Paru, that's not right!" Asuna peeked up from the seat behind Ayaka's, wagging a finger. "Iinchou's fat ass isn't shapely at all!"

"Asuna-san, language, please," Negi muttered.

"Okay!" Ayaka stood up angrily. "Let's make something clear right here and now! You're all tugboating on MY and NEGI-SENSEI'S private vacation, in MY airplane, heading to MY island, so you'd better start showing some respect for me and my generosity already!"

"I thought it was a trip for Ala-- the English Research Society in general," Yuuna said from a few seats aside.

"Well, yes, it was that, and only that, until you took it upon yourself to invite Izumi-san and Ookuchi-san on top of that as well!" Ayaka sputtered.

"We did it after you invited Naba and Murakami, though," Yuuna reminded her.

"Which was fully within my rights, once again, since this is my--!"

"Please don't scream in your honorable mother's airplane, Iinchou-san," Setsuna coldly sat, sitting next to a smiling Konoka. "You are disrespecting it."

"What? But, but, I'm not, my father gave me this- Oh woe is me!" Ayaka lamented, dropping on a side on her seat, and closing her eyes. "My plan to be in paradise all alone with Negi-sensei, so cruelly ruined, and not only that, but mocked! Why did you all have to tag along…?"

Makie blinked. "Wait, I thought the actual goal of the trip was to get Negi-kun and Chi—"

"You shouldn't have ever told Haruna-chan about it then, Iinchou," Asakura Kazumi coyly interrupted from the seat next to Ayaka's.

Ayaka sprang back on her butt. "And oh, just look who's talking about indiscreet people now! You aren't even Ala-- English Research Society OR an associate, you have even less reasons to be here!"

"Again, blame Haruna-chan!" Kazumi shrugged. "She invited me after all!"

"We haven't had enough Kazumi-chan in our sexy heroic hijinx yet!" Haruna grinned. "And nowhere near enough Nodo-chan or Yue-chan either, of course!"

"We shouldn't have been weak and instead resisted the call of the free vacations," Yue dispassionately said, sitting quietly while flipping through a book.

"Well," Nodoka replied while reading through another book, "we should start making up for all the time we've spent away from our best friend… right?"

"Damn right!" Haruna gave her a thumbs up. "And shame on you, Yuecchi, you're being as bad to me as Negi-kun is being to Chisame!"

"I'm not being bad to anyone!" Negi protested.

"And I don't care anyway!" Chisame said from the end of the chamber, where she sat alongside a sweetly smiling Matoi, Chamo sitting on the stalker's lap.

Murakami Natsumi, who like Chizuru had been especially invited over by Ayaka, leaned discreetly forward and towards Yuuna's seat after witnessing this exchange. "Um, something bad's going on between Sensei and Chisame-san, right? I mean, I thought they looked more distant in classes than usual this week, but—"

Yuuna shrugged while playing her PFP. "I think Chisame badmouthed Negi-kun's dad without meaning to, or something. That's pretty much the only thing, other than being Kotaro-kun, that can get him mad at you."

"I… I see…" Natsumi quietly said, pulling back into her chair, and then noticing the way Chizuru was smiling at her. "Um, wh-what are you thinking now, Chizu-nee?"

Chizuru patted her on a shoulder and whispered, "This is your big chance, Natsumi-chan! If Sensei can see how sweeter and more considerate than some other people you really can be towards his special needs, then he—"

The actress choked in her saliva. "C-Chizu-nee! That's taking advantage of a vulnerable orphan!"

"Yeah. Bad form, Chizuru-san. Besides," Yuuna droned from the seat before theirs, still playing her handheld game of Metal Slug, "you aren't going to be doing that, Akira will."

The swimmer sitting by her side spat a mouthful of the papaya juice she had been drinking then, before coughing and stuttering, "N-N-No, why me?!"

Yuuna rolled her eyes. "Well, isn't it obvious? You like Negi-kun, Ako likes Kotaro-kun, and Makie likes Skuld, and we Sports Girls always get what we want, so…"

"W-Why are you deciding this for us all of a sudden?!" protested an Ako who was blushing just as hard as Akira.

"I've got no problems with that," Makie said. "I'm sure Homura-mama would be happier if I'm with Sku-chan rather than Negi-kun or Keiichi-sempai…"

"Ara, ara, Akashi-san…" Chizuru told Yuuna, with a subtle hint of danger to her voice, "it's so nice from you, to push so hard for your friends' romantic needs, while not even mentioning your own…."

Yuuna shrugged casually again. "Yeah, in this we're both pretty much the same, aren't we?"

Chizuru flinched visibly at this.

Makie looked back and forth between them, then mused aloud, "Why must you guys be so complicated about everything?"

 

[OverMaster]

The Tragedy of Harley and The Joker.

"It's… th-this is wrong," she coughed, choking on her own blood as she lay dying. "I only ever did any of this 'cause I l-loved you…"

He smiled almost benevolently, patting her cheek. "Oh, Harley, but you shouldn't have bothered. I'm not worth loving. And by loving me, neither are you."

But she could not listen anymore.

 

[OverMaster]

Red Alert.

"By the way, Eva-chan," Asuna asked between mouthfuls, pointing up at the large red screen hanging over the resort's main dinner table. "What's that for anyway? Do you even get cable here?"

"Of course not, Kagurazaka," Evangeline sneered. "It's just an alarm system. In the event nuclear war or some other kind of apocalypse breaks out in the outside, that screen will flash brightly and the whole resort will seal itself completely from the rest of the world. It will only open again after five human generations' worth of time, but don't worry, we have enough resources here to last you and your descendants for that long. Just pray mankind hasn't left the planet radioactive enough for six to ten generations, so your children's children may--"

Then she paused, noticing the aghast stares Negi and everyone else around the table were giving her. "What? Don't feel bad about being freeloaders, you'll still pay me regularly with blood, so what's the problem?"

 

[OverMaster]

My (Parking) Lot in Life.

"Wow, Snapper," his friend then told him, "it must be a real hoot, to work as the Hall of Justice's valet, huh? You ever get to drive the Batmobile around?"

Snapper Carr sighed. "Yeah, well, but don't think it's such a blast, man. That thing has like a million unmarked buttons, and if you press the wrong one?"

He held the palm of a hand up and showed how horribly burned it was. His friend gasped. "The hell?! Why would anyone put that in their car?!"

"Apparently, it's in the event the Joker steals it."

"How often can that happen?!"

"You'd be surprised. Also, the Arrowmobile? Stupid thing has the worst direction around, make the slightest mistake and it aims itself straight against a wall. And don't get me started on the Supermobile!"

"Superman has a fucking car?! What for?!"

"It's in the event he has to go into areas full of Kryptonite. Damn thing's all lined up with lead. Nobody wants to give me a health insurance anymore, can you imagine it?"

"How often can one drive into areas--"

"All the time, when you're Superman, apparently! But I could take all of that without a complain, you know what's the worst part?!"

"No, what?"

Snapper took his cap off and showed the gigantic pile of lumps on his forehead. "Wonder Woman keeps parking the fucking plane all over the fucking place instead of a single fucking spot!"

 

[OverMaster]

Tales of the Unequally Sailor Senshi.

Power and Irresponsibility.

"By the way, Mercs," Uranus said, "what's the deal with all those other girls you hang with? Where do they get their powers from, they some sorta Senshi too, or what?"

Once again, Akira looked remarkably uncomfortable. "Not all of them have powers, Ako doesn't, and--"

Shiho sighed. "For the most part, they kissed Negi-sensei to get magical powers from him."

"Shiho-san...!" Akira complained.

Harley blinked. "'Negi-sensei'? Who's that?"

Isley finished sipping her green tea and icily said, "I think it's the boy from around Lake Biwa, remember? The little professor..."

"Oh, yeah, I remember now!" Harley slammed a fist on a palm. "Wait, and it works just like that? You mean, to get extra powers to rob banks, I mean, fight evil, all we hafta do is walking up to him and--"

"Don't you dare!" Akira warned.

"Yeah, hands off, Clown-lover," Minako nodded. "He's Akira-chan's man... man-to-be... whatever, you get the idea."

"I, I, I don't have a crush on him or anything!" Akira said.

"Oh, so it's okay if I kiss him?" Harley asked.

"No!" Akira said.

"But you just said you don't have a claim on--"

"I do have one, however, and I say no," Isley said.

Harley blinked. "Red? You like that kid, really, I didn't ever think you were the type--"

"I don't mean a claim on him, Harley!"

"Oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh! Sorry, then..." she sheepishly said, raising her hands, and Akira sighed in relief.

Finally, Hotaru spoke very quietly over her own still unfinished cup. "You know, maybe I should just stop waiting for a pink haired special someone to fall from the sky with a claim on me. I have been thinking--"

"Nooooooo!" Akira stressed the point over again.

Usagi cringed. "I'm starting to think this area is really dangerous for the mental wellbeing of us lesbians."

 

[OverMaster]

Top Ten Anime Disney will Remake after Buying Everything Ever.

10. Darkwing in the Franxx.

9. Star vs. The Forces of Evangelion.

8. Goofy und Panzer.

7. The Bible Black Cauldron.

6. The Great Mouse Detective Conan.

5. Wreck-It-Ranma.

4. Sayonara, Zootopia-sensei.

3. Mary Poppins' Bizarre Adventure.

2. Boku no Coco.

1. The Lion King, But This Time Simba's White.

 

[OverMaster]

Jonah Jameson Meets Thaddeus Ross.

"Spider-Man is a menace--" he started.

"-- but nowhere as much as the Hulk!" the other finished.

They stared at each other, and then realized they'd never get along.

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally verse.

---

Damage by Cast Points.

"Chisame-san," a familiar by now voice said as they walked down the path from the school to the dorms, and Negi, Satomi, Chisame and Matoi stopped with a shared shudder. "May I have a minute of your time, please?"

They slowly turned around with varying degrees of reluctance to fate Akashi Wataru's Caster, who was standing there in street clothes. "Good afternoon, Caster-san, is there something the matter?" Negi asked after a polite bow in her direction. "Have you been attacked again or--"

Caster took another look around to make sure they weren't being watched, and shook her head. "No, not yet. Rather, it is more like I have just found out something I need to question Chisame-san on. You might be unaware I am a conoisseur of modern fashion and like to sew attire fitting young, attractive women such as m--"

"Yuuna has mentioned a few times turning you down when you try to make her your fashion mannequin," Chisame said. "Listen, if you're looking to--"

"Of late, I have been searching the Internet for pages on fashionable young idols sporting clothes I might take perfectly valid and legit inspiration," the Servant interrupted her, "and I ran into Chiu-sama's webpage."

Chisame paled instantly and Matoi and Negi sprung in alert.

Caster placed a hand on her forehead. "A truly remarkable spirit, this gorgeous Chiu-sama. A soul gifted with inventive and good taste, and although my keenly trained eye could notice a few alterations to her image there's no denying the inherent beauty to her frame and face. Regardless, Chisame-san, as soon as I saw her this keenly honed sense of observation of mine told me of you--"

"AAAA---" Chisame began to articulate a scream even as the eyes of Negi, Satomi and Matoi popped out their orbits.

"-- oh, what's so bad about it?" Medea frowned. "You're supposed to be an expert hacker, aren't you? Why couldn't you help a valuable ally like me, generous with rewards and extremely harsh with rejections I might point out, find this elusive, mysterious young woman through the Internet so I can... talk her into being my model?"

"--- AAAaaa--" Chisame's scream stopped abruptly. "Wait, that's all you want from me?!"

Medea seemed confused. "What else were you thinking about? I'm not asking you to do something beyond your capacities, am I?"

"Oh, no, I'm sure it won't be difficult at all for Chisame to locate this Chiu-sama you speak of," Hakase dryly said.

"Stop praising my skills right now, Hakase!" Chisame scolded her. She then sighed, more relieved now despite everything. "W-Well, I'm, uh, honored you think so highly of me, I thought you were going to say something really dumb like I was Ch--"

"Oh, no, you are not close at all, nowhere in the same league," Caster reassured her, "but all the same, you seem to have a similar height and weight, so I'd also like you ask you to, until you find her, work as my model since Saber and Yuuna-chan refuse to--"

"KAGURAZAKA IS MY HEIGHT AND WEIGHT TOO, YOU KNOW!"

"That's correct, but sadly she has no class at all, and you at least have some..."

"Just 'SOME'?!"

Matoi turned to Negi and, frowning, asked him in a whisper, "Why is she so much better at hiding her secret than you are with yours, anyway?"

 

[OverMaster]

When it Rains, it Pours...

"I... I just can't stand it," Chisame confessed, placing both hands on her head. "Matoi's too deeply in love with me, everyone still thinks Kagurazaka and I are an item from that stupid Valentine's Day, I could swear Sensei's starting to get some weird wrong ideas about me and where our relationship stands, and now Caster's taking me as her fashion guinea pig day after day and I just know she's taking it way too seriously, and it's all so... Honestly, you don't know how lucky you have it! Something like this would never happen to you!"

With a large thought balloon of herself tucked under bedsheets with Negi, Kotaro and Yue at once hanging over her head, Miyazaki Nodoka just nodded, hummed a half hearted "Ah-hah..." and stoically resisted her urges to bop Chisame across the head with the very thick book she was holding.

 

[OverMaster]

The Gods Must be Crazy.

"Kazuma," Megumin suddenly asked, as the three of them sat watching the sunset, "when you were in the other side, did you get to see any of the other gods? Were they as bad as Aqua?"

"I'm sure the gods take no mercy on us and cruelly threw us into this world only to suffer for their capricious, malicious whims," Darkness commented. Then she broke into a delighted smile and hummed, closing her eyes, "That's why I pray to them every night...!"

Kazuma winced slightly before pulling a piece of paper out. "When, if you really have to know, while I don't know the other gods, I took this from Aqua's room the other night. It's her divine shit-list, or something like that. I figured out I always could use it as blackmail stuff someday, for the right occasion..."

Megumin and Aqua leaned closer, curiously, as he read aloud:

Urd- Slutty jerk.

Skuld- Bratty jerk.

Belldandy- Holier-and-better-than-thou bitch.

Peorth- Snotty jerk.

Rind- Battleaxe-up-the-ass jerk.

Hades- Smooth talking, slimy James Woods-like jerk.

Eris- Bitchy Valley Girl jerk.

Artemis- Lovestruck, bimbo, bear-loving jerk.

Ishtar- Stuckup useless jerk. Only good point is she hates Astraea.

Ereshkigal- Creepy *and* stuckup jerk.

Astraea- Annoying *and* stuckup jerk. Only good point is she hates Ishtar.

Ganesha- Fatty slobby fujoshi jerk.

Zeus- All around jerk.

Ares- Just plain jerk.

Thor- Fighting mad jerk. What a hunk, tho'.

Loki- Cheating jerk. Good to ship with Thor, tho'.

Hela- Sinister jerk.

Odin- Allfather of jerks.

L-Sama- Jer-- Graciously magnificent ultimate noble creature who is ALWAYS WATCHING NO MATTER WHEN AND WHERE.

Crom- Thuggish jerk.

Suzumiya Haruhi- Fucking jerk.

Kazuma sighed, pocketing the document back. "... so I figure, if that's what Aqua thinks about them, they can't be that bad..."

Darkness slumped down with a large pout.

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally verse.

---

Cruel Teacher's Thesis.

"Listen, now," Asuka said, gesturing for Negi to stop talking. "Oky, you just defeated Chao and took our plan down, that's fine, enjoy your freaking victory--"

"It's not a matter of enjoying it," Negi reasoned, "I'm perfectly aware Chao had her own valid points and I'm still not fully sure I did the right thing, but I still had to--"

"Whaaaaatever!" Asuka clenched her teeth at him. "Enjoy it or agonize in emo angst over it, I don't care! Either way, just because we worked for Chao, willingly I might say, that doesn't make us part of your team's properties now as if you'd gained us in a game of chance!"

"Does that mean you don't want to be my kouhai and learn my ways under me?" Haruna asked.

"I don't get along at all with four-eyed oversexed weirdo girls!" Asuka snapped at her.

Somewhere else, Makinami Mari Illustrious sneezed loudly!

Negi sighed. "Soryu-san. The Headmaster himself said that, as part of a revolutionary movement to illegally throw the whole planet into chaos by revealing magic to the world, there are only three alternatives for you to take at this point. You can become part of an organization to groom and direct young magic users such as ours, you can be turned into small talking animals by the Japanese magic associations, or you can be turned over to the European schools of magecracy, who will apply their own methods of punishment upon y--"

"Hah! I'll take my chances with my fellow Europeans!" Asuka sneered. "Everybody knows the European legal systems are the most advanced in the world, dealing fair and civilized legislations far above those in the East, and won't violate our rights by devolving us or turning us into more of your forced groupies who--"

"They will rip your brains out of your skulls and use them to empower their magical super computers," Illya warned.

Asuka, Hikari, Touji and Kensuke blanched out horribly.

---

"-- anyway, Mom, that's why I'm joining Negi-sensei's English Research Society despite speaking perfect English," Asuka said as if she was being forcefed broken glass. "Because he's just too damn cute!"

Kyoko sobbed loudly, then hugged her. "Awwww! My little baby's finally noticing boys...!"

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally.

---

Fate, Stay Torn.

"I... I'm at a loss on what to do, Arf," Fate lamented, sitting down on the edge of the rooftop and looking down at the city below. "Should I stay at all times by Hotaru-chan's side, even now she has started going out with others? Does she still need or want my full attention? Or should I spend my time with this enemy who insists on approaching me, no matter how hard I hit her? Does she like being hit as much as I like hitting her? Or does she want to hit me back? Or both? Would I like being hit? Should I ever try? That would make Mother upset, wouldn't it? Only she can hit me, after all! If she notices other bruises but her own she'll get mad! Help me, Arf! What does your race's primal wisdom say about these things?!"

"The Alpha of the pack gets to have as many females as possible, that's the proof of the alpha's value and might, and their right to lead."

Fate just glared at her then.

"... you asked," Arf reminded her.

 

[OverMaster]

Is It Wrong to Pick Up Norns in a Dungeon?

Yuuna walked into their shared bedroom and blinked at the sight of Skuld standing before their full body mirror and tying a blue ribbon around her chest. "Eh?" Yuuna asked. "Why are you doing that?"

The ribbon immediately fell off the goddess' underdeveloped bustline. And she pouted. "Damn Hestia..."

Yuuna cocked her head aside. "What?"

 

[OverMaster]

Mundus Magicus arc.

---

Anything for You.

"Skuld," Asuna said, walking up to her. "Can I ask you something?"

The young Norn took a breath in and turned around on the chair of the workshop Cid had lent her, looking away from her design work on the table. "What is it?"

"Um, we know you're here to rescue your sister, rather than find Negi's dad, but you still haven't told us exactly how you plan to do that. And I know Negi's been giving you the time to explain it, and I know I likely won't understand a single word of the plan, but—"

Skuld swallowed slightly, flinching inwards at the statement she had been expecting for but nonetheless never really prepared herself for. Uneasily, she tapped her fingers on the table, looking down as Asuna left the question hanging. "Hrm. Well. You're right, you just won't understand the particulars, but the basics are easy enough for anyone to get. The authorities of this world are using Belldandy as a living stabilizer, a catalyst to keep the magical energies of this realm steady. I plan to replace her with a new stabilizer, a pillar if you will, that will enable this world's continued existence while also freeing Belldandy from the torment of her captivity."

"I see, yeah, that's easy enough to get," Asuna nodded. "And you want us to help you find that catalyst thing, don't you?"

Skuld looked soberly at her. "I can tell you, Asuna-san," she said, "I'm really going to need your help to put the catalyst in place."

Asuna grinned and gave her a thumbs up. "Sure thing!"

Skuld took pause. "Are… Are you sure you want to say that? I haven't even told you where the catalyst is yet, or what is it…"

"Oh, I'm sure it'll be something very difficult and dangerous to get, and you're afraid of telling us, but so what?" Asuna waved the issue away. "At this point I'm not scared of anything, and well, by now we're buddies, aren't we? You'd take one for us, and we sure can risk take one for you and your sister. You're Baka Pink's girl, after all!" she chuckled, ruffling Skuld's hair playfully. "Baka Honor says I've got to stick up for my teammate's girlfriend!"

"I—I'm not Makie's—" Skuld began to blabber, red-faced, and then fell into silence at the sight of Asuna's wide, sincere smile. "… thank you, anyway. Thank you so very much, Asuna-san."

"Not a problem, kid," she said, winking and turning around, and then easily leaving the room. Skuld just sat there, in silence, alone with her sacred mission to save the person she loved the most from a fate worse than death.

She let her head hang down, and felt really, really miserable for the first time in a very long while, ever since losing Belldandy in the first place.