Innocence (Revised and Completed)
AndrewJTalon
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A good friend of mine has commented I often write a lot of "sketches" that would work well as stories in their own right, but don't develop them. So I'm gonna work more on doing that and taking things a step at a time. Here is a one shot sketch I put together and had a few more snippets for, but now I've put it all together into a very still one shot. Here is the revised and finished version of "Innocence":
- - -
Pyrrha and Jaune had returned to the dormroom after enough training session on the roof. Jaune groaned a bit as Pyrrha helped support him through the door into the dorm.
"Thanks Pyrrha," Jaune managed, "Ugh... I feel like I got hit by a truck."
Pyrrha blushed then smiled.
"Um, sorry..."
"No! No, that's good," Jaune said with a nod, "No pain... Ugh... No gain, r-right?"
"Well, I wouldn't say that's entirely untrue," Pyrrha said gently, "Though you have been getting a lot better."
"Yay," Jaune sighed. Pyrrha smiled encouragingly at him.
"No, really! You have improved a LOT!" She said happily. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."
"Trying, but it's how I've been since I can remember," Jaune sighed. They stopped in front of Jaune's bed. Pyrrha frowned deeply, studying the bed carefully. Jaune looked at her, and then back at the bed.
"Uh... You okay Pyr?" He asked. Pyrrha flushed and nodded quickly.
"O-Oh! Yes! J-Just fine! Um... Hmm..."
Jaune cast about in his mind for things that might bother Pyrrha.
His bed was spic and span, he made it properly every morning... That couldn't be it... So...
He decided to take a shot in the dark.
"Is it about the Dance?" Jaune asked. Pyrrha turned bright red.
"Um, er, uh... S-Sort of?" She managed. Jaune blinked.
Damn. She looked cute when she was nervous. It was nice to see, to be honest. Sure, she was gorgeous, but this felt more... Real, somehow.
"Well, don't worry about it," Jaune said with a grin, "You'll gonna have to beat the boys off with Milo! So many of them are going to want to ask you out!"
Pyrrha fidgeted and looked aside.
"Oh... Um... Y-Yeah, you bet," she murmured quietly.
Jaune frowned.
"What, you think otherwise?"
"It's just... Um... Well, the big reason is that uh... I-I mean... I think I intimidate a lot of people," she admitted.
Jaune stared.
"Really? I..." He thought about it. "Oh... Um, I guess that makes sense. You being a celebrity and all."
"Y-yeah," Pyrrha said quietly, "You... You're one of the few people I've met who can actually... Y-You know... Talk to me like I'm a person."
Jaune smiled widely.
"Well, you are. To me. A great person!"
Pyrrha's cheeks burned an even brighter red. She seemed a bit unsteady. Concerned, Jaune forgot about his fatigue and reached out to her.
"Pyr? You okay-?"
"EEP!"
Pyrrha tried to move her foot forward, while Jaune moved his back. She grabbed hold of his hand and he was pulled forward as he remembered how tired he was. The end result of this lack of coordination was predictable if you've ever watched romcom anime.
"ACK!"
"EEEP!"
Jaune landed on his bed, on his back. The pain of his aching muscles was again forgotten as Pyrrha laid on top of him. Her wide green eyes stared into his wide blue ones as she perched atop him.
Her face soon turned as red as her hair, and her lip wobbled. Jaune took a deep breath to calm himself.
After all, this was his friend Pyrrha. They'd just fallen together. Nevermind his rapidly beating heart or his red cheeks, he was not going to freak out. Not when Pyrrha looked close to tears.
"Pyrrha, are you okay?" He asked.
Pyrrha sobbed, and fell off the bed onto the floor. Bewildered and terrified, Jaune knelt down with her.
"Pyrrha? Pyrrha, what is it?! Are you all right?!"
"Oh noooo... I'm... I'm..." She sobbed. "I'M A SLUT!"
Jaune blinked. Of all the things he had ever expected Pyrrha Nikos to say, that was... That wasn't in the top one hundred things he'd anticipate. Hell, it wasn't in the top thousand. It may as well not even be on the list!
"H-Huh?" Jaune managed, his jaw dropped. Pyrrha sniffled, and wiped her eyes. She looked up at him pleadingly.
"This... This isn't how I wanted it to go... B-But... You're a good man, Jaune. I-I know you are! You... You'd forgive the mother of your child for being... Being loose, r-right?!"
"My what?!" Jaune exclaimed, falling back in his crouch and slamming back into the bunk. Pyrrha continued to weep.
"I swear Jaune, I'll be the best wife you ever could ask for! I-I'll do anything you want! The-The most lewd, depraved things imaginable! I'll-I'll have twenty of your children if you wanted! I'll financially support us-!"
"WOAH WOAH WOAH!" Jaune cried, gettiing his rapidly stampeding thoughts all together into something approaching calm, before he grabbed her hands between his. He looked her in the eyes.
"Pyrrha?! What are you talking about?!" He demanded.
Pyrrha sniffled.
"I... I laid on a bed with a boy! That means... I'm pregnant now!"
Jaune blinked. He blinked again. He blinked a third time.
"I... Wha... You think... That's how it works?" He asked in utter disbelief.
Pyrrha sobbed again, and nodded.
"Isn't it?"
Jaune stared at her for a long time... Before he snickered.
"Hahaha! Oh, that's a great one, Pyr! I'm so glad you've loosened up enough to joke! Haaa... Wow, that is unconventional but... Y-yeah! You as a sheltered girl, not knowing... HAHAHAHA! Oh wow, you got me! That's hilarious!"
Pyrrha continued to sniffle, looking uncomprehendingly at Jaune. Jaune slowly stopped laughing.
"... You... You are joking... Right?"
Pyrrha huffed, and looked aside.
"I-I can't believe you're treating our child as a joking matter, Jaune!" Pyrrha sniffled again. "How could you?! What-What kind of a man are you? To-To just have a girl in your bed and then treat her like a joke!"
The door was opened. Ruby and Weiss entered, with Blake looking in curiously. Ruby looked concerned while Weiss frowned deeply.
"Is everything all right?" Ruby asked.
"What did you do, Arc?! You made Pyrrha cry!" Weiss growled.
Jaune opened his mouth but for once, Pyrrha interrupted him.
"I'm pregnant and he thinks it's a joke!"
"YOU'RE WHAT?!" Ruby and Weiss shrieked. Blake's jaw dropped as her hair bow perked right up.
"He got me pregnant," Pyrrha declared, "When we sat together on the bed! I only did it with him, I swear!"
Jaune relaxed a little. After all, surely, no one could believe that-
"You-You scoundrel!" Weiss snarled. "You had better take responsibility!"
Wait what?! Jaune thought in disbelief.
"Wow! Can I be an aunty?" Ruby grinned. "Congratulations!"
Jaune stared at them for any hints that this was a joke. A terrible, terrible joke being played at his expense.
Blake's eyes widened… And then narrowed as she smirked devilishly. The punchline was not forthcoming.
Jaune slapped a hand over his face and sighed.
It's gonna be a long night...
Blake spoke up with a hint of mischief, "That's not the only method to make babies."
Everyone's eyes snapped to the smirking black cat Faunus. She continued:
"Remember that time during Initiation when he caught you, Weiss?"
Weiss's response was a stutter of shock that grew into a screech.
"W-W-W-WHAT?!"
Blake's smugness was palpable.
"Congratulations."
Ruby, suddenly alarmed, went paler than usual.
"W-WAIT! WE'VE SAT ON THE SAME BED BEFORE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES?!" She covered her bright red cheeks. "OH NOOO...!"
"Oh yes. You've been very busy, haven't you Jaune?" Blake teased.
Jaune shook his head and held up his hands in a vain effort to restore order and sanity.
"No, wait, that's not what-!"
"YOU-YOU LITTLE HUSSY!" Pyrrha snarled, glaring death at Ruby.
"I-I'M NOT A HUSSY!" Ruby defended herself. She looked to Jaune and fell to her knees, begging him.
"Oh, Jaune, please! We're besties, r-right? You'd never abandon me in my time of need?"
Jaune attempted to calm the situation, "Of course not but-!"
Weiss grabbed Ruby and pulled her away. She then stepped in between Pyrrha and Jaune and spread her arms wide.
"BACK OFF! CLEARLY I'M THE ONE HE'S GOING TO MARRY AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR! N-NOT YOU HARLOTS!"
Jaune, bewildered, could only manage, "Wait what?!"
"YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM!" Pyrrha snarled.
"WELL HE'S GONNA TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND I'M NOT SHARING!" Weiss retorted. Ruby pouted angrily as she shook her fists.
"THAT'S NOT FAIR, WEISS! HE'S MY BEST FRIEND!"
"Well he liked me first!"
Pyrrha, now bright red, confessed, "W-WELL I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH HIM SINCE THE DAY WE MET! I-I'VE HAD TO HOLD MYSELF BACK BECAUSE I WAS SAVING MYSELF FOR MARRIAGE!"
Weiss scoffed.
"HA! You're the one who unlocked his Aura! You're clearly just a slut!"
"ME?! Y-You-You-You treat men like dirt and then treat them nice!" Pyrrha trembled and clenched her fists. "You-You- TWO-FACED WHORE!"
"BITCH!" Weiss snapped back.
"WEISS YOU TRAITOR!" Ruby shouted, back on her feet and glaring at Weiss, "WE'RE PARTNERS!"
"NOT WHEN IT COMES TO THIS!" Weiss cried.
Jaune, trying to regain control, pleaded desperately:
"Nonono hold on! HOLD ON! Let's all calm down..." He sat on the bed with a sigh and noticed someone was holding his hand. He looked to his side, "... Blake?"
"BLAKE?!" Weiss, Pyrrha, and Ruby all exclaimed in unison.
Blake, feigning embarrassment with her hands over her cheeks, said, "Oh noooo. I'm pregnant toooo! You really are quite the playboy aren't you Jaune?"
"YOU-YOU HORNY NO GOOD ALLEY CAT!" Weiss seethed.
"HOW COULD YOU JAUNE?! ANOTHER?!" Pyrrha sobbed, "Ohh I had to fall for the most amazing man ever didn't I?! No one woman is enough for him!"
"HE'S INSATIABLE!" Ruby added as she too sobbed.
"BLAKE!" Jaune bellowed in anger and confusion.
Blake, barely holding back her laughter, teased:
"Please be gentle~?"
Jaune, having had enough, stood up and pointed angrily at the smug catgirl.
"DAMNIT BLAKE THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"
"NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS FUNNY," Weiss shouted, near tears, "YOU TWO-TIMING BASTARD!"
"What's not funny?"
Everyone looked over at the door to the dorm. Yang was standing there, drawn by the commotion. She looked concerned. Jaune opened his mouth and held up a hand to try and get some semblance of control back.
"No wait-!"
"YAAANG! I GOT PREGNANT THANKS TO JAUNE!" Ruby wailed.
"HE GOT ME TOO!" Weiss cried.
"HE GOT ME FIRST!" Pyrrha claimed, a tad smugly.
Weiss scoffed.
"HA! Please... He lusted after me and wanted me more than you two! I-I'm clearly the one he wants the most! You were just side pieces!"
"THAT'S NOT FAIR, WEISS! WE'RE BESTIES!" Ruby sobbed, but Weiss was unrepentant.
"EXCUSE YOU?!" Pyrrha snarled. "You're going to challenge ME?!"
"Yes I am!" Weiss declared, "And Blake is-is just a wanton slut!"
"What? I'm perfectly happily marrying Jaune!" Blake added, in between her snickers.
Yang's hair blazed gold and her eyes burned red.
"... I'm sorry, Jaune, but I'm gonna have to kill you now."
Jaune sighed and held his hands up.
"I DIDN'T-!" He took a deep breath, then continued, "I didn't... Okay. Let me explain before you kill me, please?"
Yang punched her fists together ominously.
"You have ten seconds."
"They think sitting on a boy's bed with them makes babies. That's all I have done, nothing else, I swear," Jaune explained, well within the time limit.
Yang blinked. She blinked again.
"Hwhah?"
Pyrrha, Ruby, and Weiss were still arguing in the background.
"BUT I WAS IN LOVE WITH JAUNE FROM THE MOMENT I MET HIM!" Pyrrha declared. "I-I'll do any depraved, debauched thing he could EVER want a woman to do!"
"I-I would do more!" Ruby shouted, "Plus I'm younger than you two hags!"
"EXCUSE YOU?!" Weiss snarled.
"Besides, I SAW HIM FIRST!" Ruby finished.
"But I happen to be a princess so Jaune would be my King," Blake interjected, smirking like the smug troll she was, "That means I'm a better choice of wife than all of you."
"WHAT?!" Weiss, Pyrrha, and Ruby exclaimed in unison, glaring at the cat Faunus. Blake smirked over at the distressed Jaune.
"Don't worry Jaune, I'll let you keep them as part of our Royal Harem... Though only I get to sleep in your bed full time. That way we'll make even more babies!"
"I WANT TO MAKE MORE BABIES WITH HIM!" Pyrrha and Ruby shouted.
Yang, who had been watching all of this while dumbstruck, finally snickered.
"... okay, that's frickin' hilarious."
"NOT TO ME!" Jaune shouted. Ruby nodded quickly.
"THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THIS, YANG! YOU'RE GONNA BE AN AUNT! AND NO KILLING JAUNE! HE'S GONNA BE MY HUSBAND!" She hugged him.
"Not if I break every bone in your body you won't," Pyrrha threatened.
"I'll bury you all in an icy hell for eternity and CASTRATE Jaune before I give him up to you SLUTS!" Weiss seethed.
"Oh my, that's a lot of aggression!" Blake snickered. "I had no idea you could inspire such feelings in women, Jaune! I just might fall for you!"
"BLAAAKE!" Jaune wailed.
"YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!" Weiss shouted. She turned to the laughing blonde brawler. "YANG! I'LL PAY YOU A MILLION LIEN TO PUT THESE-THESE HARLOTS IN THEIR PLACE!"
"Money wasted," Pyrrha hissed, wearing a psychotic smile,."I'll just have to beat you all to death-"
Yang interjected, finally getting control of her laughter.
"O-Okay, okay! Everyone let's calm down before this stops being funny!" She sighed and then admitted, "Okay, Jaune? I... May have dropped the ball and not told Ruby about babies."
"YA THINK?!"
"Oh gee, sorry for not being the best underaged surrogate mother!" Yang retorted sarcastically. Jaune groaned and rubbed his face. He looked at the other women in the room.
"I just... How do you NOT know how babies are made?!"
"OF COURSE I KNOW HOW THEY'RE MADE!" Weiss shouted angrily. "You lay together in a bed or-or a man holds a woman in his arms and nine months later you get the baby from the stork! It's all very simple!"
"Oh? There's a bird involved?" Pyrrha asked. "I suppose that would make sense."
Ruby frowned.
"Dad told me I was a blue light special from the store! The mommy and daddy start the baby with a hug in bed, and then they need to get the rest to assemble it properly! And Yang said that whatever Dad said was true and to not bother her!"
Jaune shot a furious glare at Yang. Yang coughed.
"... Okay, at least when it comes to Ruby? This may be my bad."
Blake started laughing her ass off, holding in her giggles with both hands over her mouth.
Yang, pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.
"... I'm probably going to regret this, but Ruby, Weiss, Pyrrha? You three come with me. Time for you to learn where babies really come from."
Blake somehow laughed even harder.
"I don't know why you're laughing, Blake. You're helping," she growled.
Jaune sighed in relief.
Yang wheeled on him and glared.
"And you are, too!"
"Me?!" Jaune squeaked.
"You're in this damn mess and team leader so yes, you're gonna help me! Besides, you're a farm boy! You know how this works!"
Jaune grumbled, but slowly nodded.
"Fine..."
"W-With... Demonstrations? Snrk!" Blake teased.
"I SWEAR TO GOD BLAKE!" Jaune shouted.
"Don't yell at me, I'm in a delicate condition~!"
- - -
Two very awkward hours later…
"... And that's that!"
Yang smiled at her audience, a plethora of health books, posters, and holographic projections behind her telling the the story of human reproduction. Plus a few of Blake's hentai doujins, but they were in there under protest from Jaune.
Pyrrha, Weiss, and Ruby were sitting on a bed. Jaune was wisely standing apart from the women. Blake was in a chair, and still snickering while writing things down in a notebook.
"And... And that's... How it works...?" Weiss asked, her voice tinged with disbelief.
Yang nodded with a smile.
"Yup!"
"Really?" Pyrrha asked, also red faced. Jaune nodded.
"Absolutely."
"... I need to have a chat with my mother," Pyrrha growled softly.
"And my father, with my boot," Weiss growled.
The Schnee heiress then looked at Jaune, her face bright red.
"So um... That... That's what you wanted to do with me, Jaune?" She asked very quietly.
Jaune, avoiding eye contact by looking at the ceiling, coughed.
"Um, I-I mean... Yes? Only if you wanted to."
"R-Really? You... You don't want my money or-or status? Just... Me?" Weiss asked softly. Jaune nodded.
"I-I mean, more than just physically! But... Uh... Yeah? If-If we really fell in love and... Junk?" He offered, a bit lamely.
Ruby chimed in, looking hopefully.
"What about me?!"
At Yang's glare, Jaune chose his words very carefully.
"Ummmm... Only if you wanted to... And you were legal? But yes?"
Ruby's cheeks flushed.
"R-Really?!"
Pyrrha cleared her throat.
"You-You want to do that with me too, r-right Jaune?! Right?! Since... Since I do love you!"
Jaune blushed and nodded quickly.
"Yes! If we went out on dates or-or something and we grew close enough and romance and-You get what I mean!"
Blake smirked.
"What about me, Jaune?" She asked in a playful tone.
Jaune snapped.
"LIKE HELL YOU TROLL!"
Blake pouted.
"Honestly, so cruel! But I like how harsh you can be, Jaune. It's exciting~!"
"Why are you like this?" Jaune groaned.
"Come now, this is the most fun I've had in ages," Blake chuckled. "But seriously? How do you feel about me?"
Jaune groaned.
"YES YOU'RE ALL VERY ATTRACTIVE! Including Yang!"
Yang blinked and her entire face went red.
"Wait wha-"
"Not just physically! All of you are beautiful on the inside and out!" Jaune went on, oblivious to Yang's growing blush, "You're all brave, kind, smart, determined, and-and wonderful! Even with your flaws! Some more than others!" He glared at Blake, then looked back at the room in general.
"You'd all be great wives and mothers! But there's a-a lot of stuff between just-just dating and-and that!"
Silence fell. Yang in particular was blushing hard and having trouble looking directly at Jaune all of a sudden. Even Blake's cheeks were red, as Weiss and Pyrrha's faces burned like torches.
Ruby, ever the quickest, seized the opportunity to leap up and grab onto Jaune's arm. She smiled up at him sweetly.
"Buuut, being best friends means I'm closer to it than Weiss, Blake, Yang or Pyrrha, right?"
"I uh-" Jaune tried.
"WHAT?! Like hell you are!" Weiss growled. Pyrrha scoffed.
"You didn't even like him, Weiss! Besides, I'M HIS PARTNER!"
"Yeah but now that I know he's not after me just for money but... You know…" She trailed off as she blushed deeply, "A family and love-"
"FAMILY AND LOVE ARE THINGS I'VE WANTED MY ENTIRE LIFE!" Pyrrha declared, "I WANT TO HAVE THAT WITH JAUNE RIGHT NOW!"
Jaune, in an attempt to calm things down, held up his hands and smiled nervously.
"Only after dating for a really long time and if we were both fine with it-!"
"And that means I'm still doing better than you all!" Ruby declared, maturely sticking her tongue out, "HA!"
Yang, clenching her fist, growled, "Jaaauuunne...!"
In sheer desperation, Jaune got up and took Yang's fists in his hands, stating, "I'd want to do that with you too, Yang! After dating and if we fell in love!"
Yang, again bright red, was caught off guard for a second time.
"WH-WH-WHAT?!"
"WHAT?!" Weiss, Pyrrha, and Ruby all exclaimed, fire in their eyes.
Blake was laughing so hard she was rolling on the floor, tears streaming from her eyes without any attempt to hold back.
Jaune looked around at the furious females around him, gulped, and came up with the only plan he could to try and escape his predicament.
"So now that that's all out there, I think my mom's calling me. This was great, let's never do it again LATER!" He turned and leaped out the nearest exit.
"SHIT IT WAS A WINDOOOOOW-!"
There was a loud crash, and silence. All five girls stared at the window in shock.
After a moment, Jaune called out, "... I'M OKAY!"
All five young ladies looked at one another.
"... I'm taking him for myself and I'm kicking all your asses to do it," Yang declared.
"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!" Pyrrha snarled.
The five young ladies were left to bicker or, in Blake's case, to continue laughing herself sick.
Jaune returned to his dorm, sighing. Nora and Ren were waiting, sitting together on Ren's bed.
Nora beamed at her leader.
"Jaune! Great news!"
Jaune sighed, hoping that Nora's usual madness would improve his spirits after the very long day he'd had.
"Yes?"
"Ren finally got me preggers!" She beamed as she held Ren's hand. "Right on our bed!"
Jaune stared. He then shook his head.
"... Not falling for it, Nora."
Nora pouted.
"SHOOT! I always mess up the punchline!"
"I thought it was funny," Ren deadpanned.
"Were you just watching that whole catastrophe?!" Jaune demanded in exasperation. Nora beamed and nodded cheerfully.
"Eeyup!"
"And you didn't think to intervene once?!"
Ren shrugged.
"It was like a ten car pile up involving clowns and jets. Of course we weren't going to intervene, Jaune."
"Yuh huh!" Nora chirped brightly.
Jaune sighed and collapsed face first into his bed.
"I hate you both," he moaned.
"We love you too, Jaune-Jaune~!" Nora cheerfully responded, eating from her popcorn bucket.
"Next time we'll share our popcorn." Ren added.
Jaune, bewildered, sat up and stared at them.
"Wait, you had popcorn on hand to watch the whole thing with?! How-Why...?"
He stopped and shook his head.
As Nora opened her mouth to explain, Jaune cut her off.
"Forget it! I don't want to know."
"A wise policy," Ren concluded.
- - -
It is as I intended: Extremely silly. But I hope you enjoyed it.
- - -
Pyrrha and Jaune had returned to the dormroom after enough training session on the roof. Jaune groaned a bit as Pyrrha helped support him through the door into the dorm.
"Thanks Pyrrha," Jaune managed, "Ugh... I feel like I got hit by a truck."
Pyrrha blushed then smiled.
"Um, sorry..."
"No! No, that's good," Jaune said with a nod, "No pain... Ugh... No gain, r-right?"
"Well, I wouldn't say that's entirely untrue," Pyrrha said gently, "Though you have been getting a lot better."
"Yay," Jaune sighed. Pyrrha smiled encouragingly at him.
"No, really! You have improved a LOT!" She said happily. "You shouldn't be so hard on yourself."
"Trying, but it's how I've been since I can remember," Jaune sighed. They stopped in front of Jaune's bed. Pyrrha frowned deeply, studying the bed carefully. Jaune looked at her, and then back at the bed.
"Uh... You okay Pyr?" He asked. Pyrrha flushed and nodded quickly.
"O-Oh! Yes! J-Just fine! Um... Hmm..."
Jaune cast about in his mind for things that might bother Pyrrha.
His bed was spic and span, he made it properly every morning... That couldn't be it... So...
He decided to take a shot in the dark.
"Is it about the Dance?" Jaune asked. Pyrrha turned bright red.
"Um, er, uh... S-Sort of?" She managed. Jaune blinked.
Damn. She looked cute when she was nervous. It was nice to see, to be honest. Sure, she was gorgeous, but this felt more... Real, somehow.
"Well, don't worry about it," Jaune said with a grin, "You'll gonna have to beat the boys off with Milo! So many of them are going to want to ask you out!"
Pyrrha fidgeted and looked aside.
"Oh... Um... Y-Yeah, you bet," she murmured quietly.
Jaune frowned.
"What, you think otherwise?"
"It's just... Um... Well, the big reason is that uh... I-I mean... I think I intimidate a lot of people," she admitted.
Jaune stared.
"Really? I..." He thought about it. "Oh... Um, I guess that makes sense. You being a celebrity and all."
"Y-yeah," Pyrrha said quietly, "You... You're one of the few people I've met who can actually... Y-You know... Talk to me like I'm a person."
Jaune smiled widely.
"Well, you are. To me. A great person!"
Pyrrha's cheeks burned an even brighter red. She seemed a bit unsteady. Concerned, Jaune forgot about his fatigue and reached out to her.
"Pyr? You okay-?"
"EEP!"
Pyrrha tried to move her foot forward, while Jaune moved his back. She grabbed hold of his hand and he was pulled forward as he remembered how tired he was. The end result of this lack of coordination was predictable if you've ever watched romcom anime.
"ACK!"
"EEEP!"
Jaune landed on his bed, on his back. The pain of his aching muscles was again forgotten as Pyrrha laid on top of him. Her wide green eyes stared into his wide blue ones as she perched atop him.
Her face soon turned as red as her hair, and her lip wobbled. Jaune took a deep breath to calm himself.
After all, this was his friend Pyrrha. They'd just fallen together. Nevermind his rapidly beating heart or his red cheeks, he was not going to freak out. Not when Pyrrha looked close to tears.
"Pyrrha, are you okay?" He asked.
Pyrrha sobbed, and fell off the bed onto the floor. Bewildered and terrified, Jaune knelt down with her.
"Pyrrha? Pyrrha, what is it?! Are you all right?!"
"Oh noooo... I'm... I'm..." She sobbed. "I'M A SLUT!"
Jaune blinked. Of all the things he had ever expected Pyrrha Nikos to say, that was... That wasn't in the top one hundred things he'd anticipate. Hell, it wasn't in the top thousand. It may as well not even be on the list!
"H-Huh?" Jaune managed, his jaw dropped. Pyrrha sniffled, and wiped her eyes. She looked up at him pleadingly.
"This... This isn't how I wanted it to go... B-But... You're a good man, Jaune. I-I know you are! You... You'd forgive the mother of your child for being... Being loose, r-right?!"
"My what?!" Jaune exclaimed, falling back in his crouch and slamming back into the bunk. Pyrrha continued to weep.
"I swear Jaune, I'll be the best wife you ever could ask for! I-I'll do anything you want! The-The most lewd, depraved things imaginable! I'll-I'll have twenty of your children if you wanted! I'll financially support us-!"
"WOAH WOAH WOAH!" Jaune cried, gettiing his rapidly stampeding thoughts all together into something approaching calm, before he grabbed her hands between his. He looked her in the eyes.
"Pyrrha?! What are you talking about?!" He demanded.
Pyrrha sniffled.
"I... I laid on a bed with a boy! That means... I'm pregnant now!"
Jaune blinked. He blinked again. He blinked a third time.
"I... Wha... You think... That's how it works?" He asked in utter disbelief.
Pyrrha sobbed again, and nodded.
"Isn't it?"
Jaune stared at her for a long time... Before he snickered.
"Hahaha! Oh, that's a great one, Pyr! I'm so glad you've loosened up enough to joke! Haaa... Wow, that is unconventional but... Y-yeah! You as a sheltered girl, not knowing... HAHAHAHA! Oh wow, you got me! That's hilarious!"
Pyrrha continued to sniffle, looking uncomprehendingly at Jaune. Jaune slowly stopped laughing.
"... You... You are joking... Right?"
Pyrrha huffed, and looked aside.
"I-I can't believe you're treating our child as a joking matter, Jaune!" Pyrrha sniffled again. "How could you?! What-What kind of a man are you? To-To just have a girl in your bed and then treat her like a joke!"
The door was opened. Ruby and Weiss entered, with Blake looking in curiously. Ruby looked concerned while Weiss frowned deeply.
"Is everything all right?" Ruby asked.
"What did you do, Arc?! You made Pyrrha cry!" Weiss growled.
Jaune opened his mouth but for once, Pyrrha interrupted him.
"I'm pregnant and he thinks it's a joke!"
"YOU'RE WHAT?!" Ruby and Weiss shrieked. Blake's jaw dropped as her hair bow perked right up.
"He got me pregnant," Pyrrha declared, "When we sat together on the bed! I only did it with him, I swear!"
Jaune relaxed a little. After all, surely, no one could believe that-
"You-You scoundrel!" Weiss snarled. "You had better take responsibility!"
Wait what?! Jaune thought in disbelief.
"Wow! Can I be an aunty?" Ruby grinned. "Congratulations!"
Jaune stared at them for any hints that this was a joke. A terrible, terrible joke being played at his expense.
Blake's eyes widened… And then narrowed as she smirked devilishly. The punchline was not forthcoming.
Jaune slapped a hand over his face and sighed.
It's gonna be a long night...
Blake spoke up with a hint of mischief, "That's not the only method to make babies."
Everyone's eyes snapped to the smirking black cat Faunus. She continued:
"Remember that time during Initiation when he caught you, Weiss?"
Weiss's response was a stutter of shock that grew into a screech.
"W-W-W-WHAT?!"
Blake's smugness was palpable.
"Congratulations."
Ruby, suddenly alarmed, went paler than usual.
"W-WAIT! WE'VE SAT ON THE SAME BED BEFORE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES?!" She covered her bright red cheeks. "OH NOOO...!"
"Oh yes. You've been very busy, haven't you Jaune?" Blake teased.
Jaune shook his head and held up his hands in a vain effort to restore order and sanity.
"No, wait, that's not what-!"
"YOU-YOU LITTLE HUSSY!" Pyrrha snarled, glaring death at Ruby.
"I-I'M NOT A HUSSY!" Ruby defended herself. She looked to Jaune and fell to her knees, begging him.
"Oh, Jaune, please! We're besties, r-right? You'd never abandon me in my time of need?"
Jaune attempted to calm the situation, "Of course not but-!"
Weiss grabbed Ruby and pulled her away. She then stepped in between Pyrrha and Jaune and spread her arms wide.
"BACK OFF! CLEARLY I'M THE ONE HE'S GOING TO MARRY AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR! N-NOT YOU HARLOTS!"
Jaune, bewildered, could only manage, "Wait what?!"
"YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE HIM!" Pyrrha snarled.
"WELL HE'S GONNA TAKE RESPONSIBILITY AND I'M NOT SHARING!" Weiss retorted. Ruby pouted angrily as she shook her fists.
"THAT'S NOT FAIR, WEISS! HE'S MY BEST FRIEND!"
"Well he liked me first!"
Pyrrha, now bright red, confessed, "W-WELL I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH HIM SINCE THE DAY WE MET! I-I'VE HAD TO HOLD MYSELF BACK BECAUSE I WAS SAVING MYSELF FOR MARRIAGE!"
Weiss scoffed.
"HA! You're the one who unlocked his Aura! You're clearly just a slut!"
"ME?! Y-You-You-You treat men like dirt and then treat them nice!" Pyrrha trembled and clenched her fists. "You-You- TWO-FACED WHORE!"
"BITCH!" Weiss snapped back.
"WEISS YOU TRAITOR!" Ruby shouted, back on her feet and glaring at Weiss, "WE'RE PARTNERS!"
"NOT WHEN IT COMES TO THIS!" Weiss cried.
Jaune, trying to regain control, pleaded desperately:
"Nonono hold on! HOLD ON! Let's all calm down..." He sat on the bed with a sigh and noticed someone was holding his hand. He looked to his side, "... Blake?"
"BLAKE?!" Weiss, Pyrrha, and Ruby all exclaimed in unison.
Blake, feigning embarrassment with her hands over her cheeks, said, "Oh noooo. I'm pregnant toooo! You really are quite the playboy aren't you Jaune?"
"YOU-YOU HORNY NO GOOD ALLEY CAT!" Weiss seethed.
"HOW COULD YOU JAUNE?! ANOTHER?!" Pyrrha sobbed, "Ohh I had to fall for the most amazing man ever didn't I?! No one woman is enough for him!"
"HE'S INSATIABLE!" Ruby added as she too sobbed.
"BLAKE!" Jaune bellowed in anger and confusion.
Blake, barely holding back her laughter, teased:
"Please be gentle~?"
Jaune, having had enough, stood up and pointed angrily at the smug catgirl.
"DAMNIT BLAKE THAT'S NOT FUNNY!"
"NOTHING ABOUT THIS IS FUNNY," Weiss shouted, near tears, "YOU TWO-TIMING BASTARD!"
"What's not funny?"
Everyone looked over at the door to the dorm. Yang was standing there, drawn by the commotion. She looked concerned. Jaune opened his mouth and held up a hand to try and get some semblance of control back.
"No wait-!"
"YAAANG! I GOT PREGNANT THANKS TO JAUNE!" Ruby wailed.
"HE GOT ME TOO!" Weiss cried.
"HE GOT ME FIRST!" Pyrrha claimed, a tad smugly.
Weiss scoffed.
"HA! Please... He lusted after me and wanted me more than you two! I-I'm clearly the one he wants the most! You were just side pieces!"
"THAT'S NOT FAIR, WEISS! WE'RE BESTIES!" Ruby sobbed, but Weiss was unrepentant.
"EXCUSE YOU?!" Pyrrha snarled. "You're going to challenge ME?!"
"Yes I am!" Weiss declared, "And Blake is-is just a wanton slut!"
"What? I'm perfectly happily marrying Jaune!" Blake added, in between her snickers.
Yang's hair blazed gold and her eyes burned red.
"... I'm sorry, Jaune, but I'm gonna have to kill you now."
Jaune sighed and held his hands up.
"I DIDN'T-!" He took a deep breath, then continued, "I didn't... Okay. Let me explain before you kill me, please?"
Yang punched her fists together ominously.
"You have ten seconds."
"They think sitting on a boy's bed with them makes babies. That's all I have done, nothing else, I swear," Jaune explained, well within the time limit.
Yang blinked. She blinked again.
"Hwhah?"
Pyrrha, Ruby, and Weiss were still arguing in the background.
"BUT I WAS IN LOVE WITH JAUNE FROM THE MOMENT I MET HIM!" Pyrrha declared. "I-I'll do any depraved, debauched thing he could EVER want a woman to do!"
"I-I would do more!" Ruby shouted, "Plus I'm younger than you two hags!"
"EXCUSE YOU?!" Weiss snarled.
"Besides, I SAW HIM FIRST!" Ruby finished.
"But I happen to be a princess so Jaune would be my King," Blake interjected, smirking like the smug troll she was, "That means I'm a better choice of wife than all of you."
"WHAT?!" Weiss, Pyrrha, and Ruby exclaimed in unison, glaring at the cat Faunus. Blake smirked over at the distressed Jaune.
"Don't worry Jaune, I'll let you keep them as part of our Royal Harem... Though only I get to sleep in your bed full time. That way we'll make even more babies!"
"I WANT TO MAKE MORE BABIES WITH HIM!" Pyrrha and Ruby shouted.
Yang, who had been watching all of this while dumbstruck, finally snickered.
"... okay, that's frickin' hilarious."
"NOT TO ME!" Jaune shouted. Ruby nodded quickly.
"THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THIS, YANG! YOU'RE GONNA BE AN AUNT! AND NO KILLING JAUNE! HE'S GONNA BE MY HUSBAND!" She hugged him.
"Not if I break every bone in your body you won't," Pyrrha threatened.
"I'll bury you all in an icy hell for eternity and CASTRATE Jaune before I give him up to you SLUTS!" Weiss seethed.
"Oh my, that's a lot of aggression!" Blake snickered. "I had no idea you could inspire such feelings in women, Jaune! I just might fall for you!"
"BLAAAKE!" Jaune wailed.
"YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!" Weiss shouted. She turned to the laughing blonde brawler. "YANG! I'LL PAY YOU A MILLION LIEN TO PUT THESE-THESE HARLOTS IN THEIR PLACE!"
"Money wasted," Pyrrha hissed, wearing a psychotic smile,."I'll just have to beat you all to death-"
Yang interjected, finally getting control of her laughter.
"O-Okay, okay! Everyone let's calm down before this stops being funny!" She sighed and then admitted, "Okay, Jaune? I... May have dropped the ball and not told Ruby about babies."
"YA THINK?!"
"Oh gee, sorry for not being the best underaged surrogate mother!" Yang retorted sarcastically. Jaune groaned and rubbed his face. He looked at the other women in the room.
"I just... How do you NOT know how babies are made?!"
"OF COURSE I KNOW HOW THEY'RE MADE!" Weiss shouted angrily. "You lay together in a bed or-or a man holds a woman in his arms and nine months later you get the baby from the stork! It's all very simple!"
"Oh? There's a bird involved?" Pyrrha asked. "I suppose that would make sense."
Ruby frowned.
"Dad told me I was a blue light special from the store! The mommy and daddy start the baby with a hug in bed, and then they need to get the rest to assemble it properly! And Yang said that whatever Dad said was true and to not bother her!"
Jaune shot a furious glare at Yang. Yang coughed.
"... Okay, at least when it comes to Ruby? This may be my bad."
Blake started laughing her ass off, holding in her giggles with both hands over her mouth.
Yang, pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.
"... I'm probably going to regret this, but Ruby, Weiss, Pyrrha? You three come with me. Time for you to learn where babies really come from."
Blake somehow laughed even harder.
"I don't know why you're laughing, Blake. You're helping," she growled.
Jaune sighed in relief.
Yang wheeled on him and glared.
"And you are, too!"
"Me?!" Jaune squeaked.
"You're in this damn mess and team leader so yes, you're gonna help me! Besides, you're a farm boy! You know how this works!"
Jaune grumbled, but slowly nodded.
"Fine..."
"W-With... Demonstrations? Snrk!" Blake teased.
"I SWEAR TO GOD BLAKE!" Jaune shouted.
"Don't yell at me, I'm in a delicate condition~!"
- - -
Two very awkward hours later…
"... And that's that!"
Yang smiled at her audience, a plethora of health books, posters, and holographic projections behind her telling the the story of human reproduction. Plus a few of Blake's hentai doujins, but they were in there under protest from Jaune.
Pyrrha, Weiss, and Ruby were sitting on a bed. Jaune was wisely standing apart from the women. Blake was in a chair, and still snickering while writing things down in a notebook.
"And... And that's... How it works...?" Weiss asked, her voice tinged with disbelief.
Yang nodded with a smile.
"Yup!"
"Really?" Pyrrha asked, also red faced. Jaune nodded.
"Absolutely."
"... I need to have a chat with my mother," Pyrrha growled softly.
"And my father, with my boot," Weiss growled.
The Schnee heiress then looked at Jaune, her face bright red.
"So um... That... That's what you wanted to do with me, Jaune?" She asked very quietly.
Jaune, avoiding eye contact by looking at the ceiling, coughed.
"Um, I-I mean... Yes? Only if you wanted to."
"R-Really? You... You don't want my money or-or status? Just... Me?" Weiss asked softly. Jaune nodded.
"I-I mean, more than just physically! But... Uh... Yeah? If-If we really fell in love and... Junk?" He offered, a bit lamely.
Ruby chimed in, looking hopefully.
"What about me?!"
At Yang's glare, Jaune chose his words very carefully.
"Ummmm... Only if you wanted to... And you were legal? But yes?"
Ruby's cheeks flushed.
"R-Really?!"
Pyrrha cleared her throat.
"You-You want to do that with me too, r-right Jaune?! Right?! Since... Since I do love you!"
Jaune blushed and nodded quickly.
"Yes! If we went out on dates or-or something and we grew close enough and romance and-You get what I mean!"
Blake smirked.
"What about me, Jaune?" She asked in a playful tone.
Jaune snapped.
"LIKE HELL YOU TROLL!"
Blake pouted.
"Honestly, so cruel! But I like how harsh you can be, Jaune. It's exciting~!"
"Why are you like this?" Jaune groaned.
"Come now, this is the most fun I've had in ages," Blake chuckled. "But seriously? How do you feel about me?"
Jaune groaned.
"YES YOU'RE ALL VERY ATTRACTIVE! Including Yang!"
Yang blinked and her entire face went red.
"Wait wha-"
"Not just physically! All of you are beautiful on the inside and out!" Jaune went on, oblivious to Yang's growing blush, "You're all brave, kind, smart, determined, and-and wonderful! Even with your flaws! Some more than others!" He glared at Blake, then looked back at the room in general.
"You'd all be great wives and mothers! But there's a-a lot of stuff between just-just dating and-and that!"
Silence fell. Yang in particular was blushing hard and having trouble looking directly at Jaune all of a sudden. Even Blake's cheeks were red, as Weiss and Pyrrha's faces burned like torches.
Ruby, ever the quickest, seized the opportunity to leap up and grab onto Jaune's arm. She smiled up at him sweetly.
"Buuut, being best friends means I'm closer to it than Weiss, Blake, Yang or Pyrrha, right?"
"I uh-" Jaune tried.
"WHAT?! Like hell you are!" Weiss growled. Pyrrha scoffed.
"You didn't even like him, Weiss! Besides, I'M HIS PARTNER!"
"Yeah but now that I know he's not after me just for money but... You know…" She trailed off as she blushed deeply, "A family and love-"
"FAMILY AND LOVE ARE THINGS I'VE WANTED MY ENTIRE LIFE!" Pyrrha declared, "I WANT TO HAVE THAT WITH JAUNE RIGHT NOW!"
Jaune, in an attempt to calm things down, held up his hands and smiled nervously.
"Only after dating for a really long time and if we were both fine with it-!"
"And that means I'm still doing better than you all!" Ruby declared, maturely sticking her tongue out, "HA!"
Yang, clenching her fist, growled, "Jaaauuunne...!"
In sheer desperation, Jaune got up and took Yang's fists in his hands, stating, "I'd want to do that with you too, Yang! After dating and if we fell in love!"
Yang, again bright red, was caught off guard for a second time.
"WH-WH-WHAT?!"
"WHAT?!" Weiss, Pyrrha, and Ruby all exclaimed, fire in their eyes.
Blake was laughing so hard she was rolling on the floor, tears streaming from her eyes without any attempt to hold back.
Jaune looked around at the furious females around him, gulped, and came up with the only plan he could to try and escape his predicament.
"So now that that's all out there, I think my mom's calling me. This was great, let's never do it again LATER!" He turned and leaped out the nearest exit.
"SHIT IT WAS A WINDOOOOOW-!"
There was a loud crash, and silence. All five girls stared at the window in shock.
After a moment, Jaune called out, "... I'M OKAY!"
All five young ladies looked at one another.
"... I'm taking him for myself and I'm kicking all your asses to do it," Yang declared.
"LIKE HELL YOU ARE!" Pyrrha snarled.
The five young ladies were left to bicker or, in Blake's case, to continue laughing herself sick.
Jaune returned to his dorm, sighing. Nora and Ren were waiting, sitting together on Ren's bed.
Nora beamed at her leader.
"Jaune! Great news!"
Jaune sighed, hoping that Nora's usual madness would improve his spirits after the very long day he'd had.
"Yes?"
"Ren finally got me preggers!" She beamed as she held Ren's hand. "Right on our bed!"
Jaune stared. He then shook his head.
"... Not falling for it, Nora."
Nora pouted.
"SHOOT! I always mess up the punchline!"
"I thought it was funny," Ren deadpanned.
"Were you just watching that whole catastrophe?!" Jaune demanded in exasperation. Nora beamed and nodded cheerfully.
"Eeyup!"
"And you didn't think to intervene once?!"
Ren shrugged.
"It was like a ten car pile up involving clowns and jets. Of course we weren't going to intervene, Jaune."
"Yuh huh!" Nora chirped brightly.
Jaune sighed and collapsed face first into his bed.
"I hate you both," he moaned.
"We love you too, Jaune-Jaune~!" Nora cheerfully responded, eating from her popcorn bucket.
"Next time we'll share our popcorn." Ren added.
Jaune, bewildered, sat up and stared at them.
"Wait, you had popcorn on hand to watch the whole thing with?! How-Why...?"
He stopped and shook his head.
As Nora opened her mouth to explain, Jaune cut her off.
"Forget it! I don't want to know."
"A wise policy," Ren concluded.
- - -
It is as I intended: Extremely silly. But I hope you enjoyed it.
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