[RWBY] RWBY Shorts

[Gur40]

Team RWBY hasn't gotten any stronger just more skilled and experienced, the sole exception being Weiss who got amped by Jaune and now has more Aura
That's Why Jaune who visually stronger and unlocking and controlling his Semblance
Seriously Silver Eye Are Trash Tier Magic Eye's I don't want EMS BS but come on

Spoiler: Seriously wtf CRWBY

Adam having a lesser version of Yang Semblance and using it better then her
Using his Aura to be faster then Ruby and Weiss
Being Blake Teacher thus more skilled then her
i hate the lack of power ups RWBY got

Spoiler: Maiden

Let Ruby mode the Weopons!
Let Weiss be the Dust Teacher/Mistress
Yang being an Academic Genius and Blake Street Smart!

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V-Tuber Ruby said Yang couldn't cook and just microwaved meals or made pre-mades like Mac n Cheese and Nuggies
Almost all References to Tai say he has depression but is trying

Spoiler: When Tai and Yang Were Out

How many times has Ruby eaten Zwei food

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Tomboy x Himbo supremacy

Spoiler: Jaune and Yang

Lois matches Beacon Yang

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Ruby and Blake bonding

Spoiler: Blake sharing literature with Ruby

Ruby: NTR IS TRASH!
Blake: It's not NTR it's Courtly Love!
Ruby: Harem Supremacy!

Ruby being more Cultured then Blake Trash taste

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If Pyrrha wanted Seduce Jaune

Spoiler: Arkos

Works on all men

 

[cavalal386]

Adam having a lesser version of Yang Semblance and using it better then her
Using his Aura to be faster then Ruby and Weiss
Being Blake Teacher thus more skilled then her
i hate the lack of power ups RWBY got

Click to shrink...

so what you're saying is that Adam was the real MC?
i can work with that.

Works on all men

Click to shrink...

and a few women as well.

 

[Gur40]

Ruby Really Got The Main Character Package - Parents and Mentors That Know All About Her Hidden POWER But Tell Her Nothing And Teach Her Jack Shit Until She Meets A Random Stranger In The Woods That Teaches Her Better Then Them All
Also Slander Blake = Willow Schnee
Both Rich Girls with loving good parents that founded organizations that turned evil. Lead by honarary aunts and uncles that led to a complete monster dating them
Blake just got lucky as in the side comic and word of god she already helped assault and kill people for Adam and was slowly being conditioned to except his way
Weiss beefing with Blake because she literally her abandonment issue parent... just like for Yang

 

[mgl1206]

I've been thinking, a Harry Potter and RWBY crossover fic where there Jaune gets summoned as a champion to compete in Harry's place because he's freaking 14 and shouldn't be made to compete in the Tri-Wizard Tournament.

 

[Sir Borks-a-Lot]

I've been thinking, a Harry Potter and RWBY crossover fic where there Jaune gets summoned as a champion to compete in Harry's place because he's freaking 14 and shouldn't be made to compete in the Tri-Wizard Tournament.

Click to shrink...

Jaune kills the dragon, not knowing he's not supposed to and it's not a local variant of a Grimm or anything, an the backlash is severe...

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Been rewatching Ghost in the Shell: SAC. It's still amazing, one of the best animes ever made. But it did make me think about the possibilities of the scifi/fantasy police procedural in the world of Remnant. Now, naturally there are two problems:

1: RWBY wasn't written like that, it was more of a shonen battle school kind of anime which rarely has speculative fiction elements that explore the world itself.

2: CRWBY wasn't intelligent enough to write anything like that. Hell, I think an episode of GiTS:SAC would leave no impact on them-It would be like a dog barking at flashing lights. Or their heads would explode.

So here's three ideas for mysteries/speculative fiction ideas to explore in Remnant, that could be interesting. Concepts that might be possible in-universe. And could be part of plots for RWBY, JNPR, or others to solve. Heck, a good old fashioned noir PI story with Qrow could work too.

1: A person with an unregistered Semblance is able to transfer their age into others, to allow themselves to stay young-But the cost gets higher and higher as they get older. The Vale City police find a number of people who died of old age, despite being in their 20s and 30s according to their records. So the Vale PD (Perhaps their Specialist division for cases like this) is assigned to find who's committing these murders.

2: Healing Dust transfers Aura from one person to another to a limited extent, which helps with healing and improves people's lives. Black market and street level versions of Healing Dust is also manufactured, which is not up to the same standards but is something the poor and desperate would need. You could also use Healing Dust to target Aura at the brain's pleasure centers, causing euphoria-Essentially a drug. Poor quality Healing Dust can also transfer aspects of the soul to others-Memories in particular. Dust Junkies might get the memories of the user. Which has all sorts of possibilities for stories.

3: There is a terrorist group called the Aurae: They feel that those with powerful Auras have been blessed by the gods and are destined to rule over the rest of Remnant's population. That they are superior and deserve to be the rulers of mankind and faunus alike. They recruit powerful Aura users, often Hunters who were blacklisted, ex-Atlas Aura unlocked soldiers, criminals, bandits, etc. They are very survival of the fittest oriented, and tend to launch terrorist attacks to demonstrate the weakness of non-Aura empowered individuals. The Vytal Tournament has several potential targets over the course of the festival, so security would be tight. They might also be used by Cinder for her plans.

What do you think?

 

[Trebonius]

3: There is a terrorist group called the Aurae:

Click to shrink...

This last one can be very interesting as it could involve Jaune being pursued by members to join it or to breed move powerful children for the future that also have a prestigious and noble blood to win over those that want a return to the Aristocracy.

 

[RustedSands]

Funny idea.

All the head canons and story ideas from this thread about Jaune, Pyrrha, Cardin, and Velvet except!......the couples are reversed

Jaune and Velvet being oblivious to eachothers feelings, due to denseness on Jaune's part and lack of confidence on Velvet's.

Cardin and Pyrrha being quite obvious with their feelings but not knowing how to express them so they end up dancing around the issue constantly.

Meanwhile misunderstandings abound from them thinking that Cardin and Velvet are a couple and that Jaune and Pyrrha are a couple because everyone is constantly going to the other for advice.

All this is happening with Blake on the sidelines watching with popcorn writing ideas down in a notebook.

 

[SharkCultist]

...I have a evilly funny idea.

Whitley is pissed about Weiss running off to beacon and leaving him alone with the drunk and the dickhead.

So he decided to ruin it for her? Using capitalism.

Whitley buys his way into Atlas academy (for just the vytal festival), buys his way into a competing team and....

Whitley: ah, you must be my opponent a miss Take correct?.

Kate: my first name is Kate, and I'm gonna win this!

Whitley: cute, now how about you surrender and we can get on with our day?

Kate: why would I do that?

Whitley: I'm so glad you asked! I just purchased this lovely house in downtown Mistral. 322102 macha drive.

Kate: hey that's my house!

Whitney: was your house, but I would be happy to give it to you as a consolation prize for your loss, otherwise I'll be doing some redecorating soon. With firebombs.

Kate:...I give up.

Whitley: yes. You do. *Tosses her a scroll* the house is paid for the next decade and I already added a indoor pool and renovated the kitchen, enjoy that. Oh and your parents say hi.

*Whitley walks off fully prepared to make a mockery of sportsmanship for this entire trip*

 

[Balorak146]

...I have a evilly funny idea.

Click to shrink...

There...there's nothing funny about any of that. That's just evil.

 

[SharkCultist]

There...there's nothing funny about any of that. That's just evil.

Click to shrink...

He's not actually hurting anyone, hell he actually upgraded her house, and I tried to imply that it was a bluff by her parents being cool enough with him to tell him to tell their daughter hey.

He's here to fuck with Weiss because it's personal, everyone else gets intimidation tactics but that's about it. Unless they actually somehow manage to piss him off.

He's not a monster he's just petty.

 

[RustedSands]

Whitley: yes. You do. *Tosses her a scroll* the house is paid for the next decade and I already added a indoor pool and renovated the kitchen, enjoy that. Oh and your parents say hi.

*Whitley walks off fully prepared to make a mockery of sportsmanship for this entire trip*

Click to shrink...

He's not actually hurting anyone, hell he actually upgraded her house, and I tried to imply that it was a bluff by her parents being cool enough with him to tell him to tell their daughter hey.

He's here to fuck with Weiss because it's personal, everyone else gets intimidation tactics but that's about it. Unless they actually somehow manage to piss him off.

He's not a monster he's just petty.

Click to shrink...

What he wasn't prepared for was the Absolutely massive harem he would accidently amass by paying off so many debts and mortgages of the huntresses.

 

[Gur40]

Ghost Rider Slander Is Protecting Ruby

Spoiler: Death Battle Memes

Atleast DeathBattle Subreddit is being kind to Ruby

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If Morgan Has Her Split Personalities

Spoiler: ff

Jaune may get a few gifts

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Jaune With Evil Girls

Spoiler: Wholesome Meme

Emerald Neo Cinder Etc..

---

Continuing the Cinder Slander

Spoiler: Ruby Real Nemesis

Thoughts?

 

[cavalal386]

i have two questions.
so recently i started re-reading "A PMC for You and Me" by Spent Casings and i just remembered that i had made a "warlord of vale" post long age.
so my question is how would the cast, namely robyn hill and ironwood, react to such a character?

the other question is does anyone know that happened to Spent Casings or does anyone know any other story like "A PMC for You and Me"?

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Sun would ask Jaune to teach him how to cook a nice meal for Blake to show his feelings. Jaune would happily help him... Though there would be misunderstandings.

Jaune: "Sun, where's the rolling pin?"

Sun: "The rolling wha-?" Tripped over it "AHH!"

Jaune: "AHH!"

CRASH!

Blake: Bursts into the common room "Sun? Jaune? I heard a-"

Sees Sun on top of Jaune... Turns bright red.

Blake: "Oh... My."

Sun: "What?! NO! It's not what you think!"

Jaune: "Seriously! Why does this always happen?! Does everyone lose their sense of balance around me in the kitchen?! You, Yang, Ruby, Pyrrha (all the time), Ren-"

Blake: nosebleeds

 

[SharkCultist]

Sun would ask Jaune to teach him how to cook a nice meal for Blake to show his feelings. Jaune would happily help him... Though there would be misunderstandings.

Jaune: "Sun, where's the rolling pin?"

Sun: "The rolling wha-?" Tripped over it "AHH!"

Jaune: "AHH!"

CRASH!

Blake: Bursts into the common room "Sun? Jaune? I heard a-"

Sees Sun on top of Jaune... Turns bright red.

Blake: "Oh... My."

Sun: "What?! NO! It's not what you think!"

Jaune: "Seriously! Why does this always happen?! Does everyone lose their sense of balance around me in the kitchen?! You, Yang, Ruby, Pyrrha (all the time), Ren-"

Blake: nosebleeds

Click to shrink...

...so you know what would be funny?

What if Jaune starts giving him those cooking lessons to attract Blake but he gets so Into cooking and baking and stuff that he completely forgets Blake exists?

 

[AndrewJTalon]

...so you know what would be funny?

What if Jaune starts giving him those cooking lessons to attract Blake but he gets so Into cooking and baking and stuff that he completely forgets Blake exists?

Click to shrink...

Which only attracts Blake to him more, because now... He's ignoring her! How DARE he ignore her!

 

[SharkCultist]

So I had a old thing I wanted to rework I to a RWBY framework. It was a idea from when I was....16? I think.

Jaune Arc. Genius, inventor, helpful. Newest member of Beacons staff as engineering maintenance and teaching assistant. Beloved son, valued friend, and respected colleague.

Except he isn't.

Jaune Arc has been as good as dead for the past four years.

He knew it was coming, a degenerative issue present in all his cells, no known cure.

He kept it to himself, he didn't want his family to suffer the grief and waiting for him to slowly rot away.

So Jaune used his considerable brain and built JMA2. Almost a perfect copy of himself. A mechanical clone to take his place with a simple directive.

Do good and watch over his family.

So Jaune was pretty shocked when turning on his copy led to it capturing him.

JMA2 decided that the best way to keep the family happy is to make sure Jaune was with them. So he captured his creator and put him into stasis while he lives jaunes life and looks for a cure.

Though he does have issues. Jaune made him too human. He feels attachments to people Jaune never even met, he feels anxiety and depression over the thought of failing his mission...and a small part of him is scared that when he does succeed eventually that he'll be tossed aside by his friends and family.

Except they aren't his friends and family are they? They're Jaune Arcs.

---

So this was the basic framework from so long ago, slightly modified for RWBY.

Not sure quite where to take this but I will throw out two things I didn't know how to fit above.

JMA2 (Jaune Miles Arc 2.0) when he's alone or internally refers to himself as Miles.

Miles despite having the feelings and capacity (Jaune was VERY thorough in making him as human as he could) he refuses to date anyone. Because he isn't sure they're someone his creator would be happy with when he gives him his life back, and he doesn't want to build a relationship on a lie.

 

[CountvonBarnOwl]

Ruby Reacts to Cursed Guns part 2

"AND WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A CONVERSATION!" Jaune angrily shouted back at Team BRNZ.

"No Jaune, we're all in the middle of a battle. All of us." Pyrrha reminded him.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" As the television feed played inside of the SDC clearance sale tent, Ruby Rose laughed uproariously at her friend's plight, falling off of her chair and nearly spilling her ice cream.

"And that's the same Jaune Arc that struck out with Weiss seventeen times? Right?" Whitley Schnee asked from behind the cash register.

"Yeah. I mean... He's a good guy. I mean I wouldn't object if he started up a relationship with my big sister but... Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, he needs to work on his situational awareness." Ruby shrugged and shoveled another spoonful of cookie dough ice cream down her mouth. After making the strategic decision to bow out after the 4v4s, she had gone off to help Weiss' super cute brother/her new fellow gun enthusiast run the SDC tent. Well, he was still doing the selling. Ruby was off near the back of the tent being the clearance Sale's mascot. And Crescent rose had taken up a post next to his mother's chair, strategically propped so Ruby could bring his muzzle to bear, and she could introduce any would-be shoplifters or White Fang soldiers - although it looked as if they had chosen to be quiet for the festival, it seemed - to the latest iteration of the .50RSR, or 12.7x103 if you were from Atlas, which, incidentally the boy who helped her design the latest iteration of the cartridge, the one that had been on full display at the Vytal Festival, was.

Whitley had been thrilled to have her around while he worked. His longshot ad campaign had earned him a few harsh words from his father, and more (in a raised tone) for not reprimanding Ruby for all of the jokes at his expense. Followed by a short, even-toned summation of the positive effect that his viral video had had on both customer engagement and sale volume in the run-up to the festival. It was as close to a "well done" as Whitley had ever gotten from any of his close relations. So he quietly marked it off as a win and ended the call, privately noting.

In his mind, Ruby Rose hazardously altruistic, frighteningly naive, and concerningly innocent. But he couldn't bring himself begrudge in her any of those traits. Not when there was so much for them to talk about. Mostly involving guns and Dust, but they had been sharing other interests too, lately. Which was why it took very little convincing to get Ruby to agree to put on a swimsuit and appear at the tent. They couldn't have an event without a mascot, after all.

Of course the minute he showed her the garment, Ruby's face broke into a lascivious smile. She made a point of putting it on in front of him It looked amazing. It was a black one-piece, not unlike the swimsuits the Academies issued, but for the fact that it was shoulder-less, ending in two layers of red pleated ruffles, that strings held to a matching pair of puffy, pillowy long sleeves.

Whitley's blunt approach to marketing saw the stock clear like never before. It was hardly after three, and he only had a few crystals and vials left to clear. Turns out, a goth girl in a swimsuit and big heavy boots, carrying a scythe draws in all sorts of customers. From children who want to buy Dust from the pretty Huntress lady to boys his age and men worryingly beyond whose (suspected) intentions made Whitley feel the never-before-felt urge to go for the 'insurance policy' that he kept behind the counter.

"We interrupt this program to bring you this special report." The screen had started up again, the familiar voice of Lisa Lavender filling the tent. "The Vytal Festival has been delayed. I'm standing here in the commentator's booth where the disturbance has taken place. With me is Professor Peter Port of Beacon, who witnessed the event. Peter."

"Well, how do I put this... Barty decided that a two-day old burrito and about a dozen or so of the really spicy chicken tenders would be a good lunch. Of course, he washed it down with coffee, and now I believe he has come to regret that decision."

"Indeed he has, Professor. We here at VNN recorded audio of someone we may believe could have been the person that Professor Port alleged. Viewer discretion is advised, play the clip Verde." Only for her voice to continue playing without her mouth moving. "Of course it's a gross violation of privacy, but when has that ever stopped any journalist worth the name. Now for the last time, Verde, march your ass into that bathroom and bring me back something juicy. And I swear if you fuck up the audio cut again it will mean your job. Ta-taa." The newscaster's voice became more and more sickly-sweet with every word, while, paradoxically, the same newscaster's face darkened, and her scowl deepened on screen with every word.

Verde, the presumed cameraman, nudged a men's room door open with the microphone boom. And once the seal was broken, it broadcast what it had picked up.

"OH HOT HOT HOTHOTHOTHOT OHOHOH HOTOTHOTHOTHOT Ahh, Ahh, oh no, oh nononoHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT AAAAH WHYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH WHY MEEEHEHEEHEE??? Breaker, Brothers, Horned God, Flag, Anybody, I swear I'll stop sneaking artifacts out of your old temples to show off at my class or keep on display in my office, PLEHEHEEASSSSE make this pain go away. I MEAN IT THIS TIME. WAHAAAAAAA."

There was probably more, but that appeared to be the limit of Verde's tolerance for embarrassment or, more likely, his sense of smell if the... sloppy... that was the word that Whitley was going with, yes, very sloppy sounds that interspersed with the Beacon teacher's lamentations anything to go by.

Ruby, meanwhile, was laughing herself blue in the face. She was not the type to find very much humor in bodily functions, but what schoolgirl wouldn't laugh at her professor's expense.

The screen had cut back to Lisa Lavender, who was trying to straighten her now very ruined hair with her fingers, that all had conspicuously blood-caked knuckles. "Good afternoon Vale. I'm standing here with my camera now mounted on a tripod after my ex-cameraman Verde's ribs all mysteriously broke. It would appear that Doctor Oobleck will not be able to continue with his duties. However there has been a positive development. We'll ask Professor Port just what that development is now."

"I'm calling up a substitute." He replied.

And then Ruby's scroll went off.

"Hello." Ruby replied automatically.

"Miss Rose, come to the Announcer's booth immediately. You'll be taking over Barty's job effective immediately."

"What?!" Ruby shouted in the tent. "I can't color comment. My... My knees are too normal."

"You can if you want me to forget about that paper you turned in instead of your homework three weeks ago when I'm grading your final. You know, the one with all of the disparaging doodles. Especially since I don't think it's fair to call me 'Professor Poop' in light of today's events."

--------

"Okay, okay, I'll be right over. Sorry about the exhibit Whitley. Mwah." That had been the last thing everybody tuned into VNN to watch the Vytal Festival heard before Ruby remembered to hang up.

"Well it seems that the SDC Sweetheart of the Cute Goths and Cursed Guns Clearance Event will be making an unexpected re-entry into the Vytal Festival. We'll be back to your regularly scheduled programming when she arrives."

"I'm here, I'm here, I'm here." Ruby all but battered the door off its hinges with Crescent Rose. "I'd have gotten here faster, but, lady stilts." Ruby explained, clonking the long - though chunky - heels that formed the base of the knee-high patent leather goth girl shit kickers that she had gotten from a pair of friends, two of the vanishingly few she had outside of Beacon who heard that Ruby was crushing on a boy she was barely taller than. She switched into them when she went off to see Whitley at the SDC booth and ended up having to do a little meet-and-greet with more than a few of the small children who wanted the 'Funny Gun Lady's' autograph. Handing those out made her smile, and quietly thankful that they were all too young to understand a few of the things that she had said and done.

"So, Ruby Rose," Lisa Lavender started up, "what is your relationship with Whitley Schnee?"

"He's cute and he knows a lot about guns, he's great with Dust, he's my teammate's brother, and, fwah! No comment. No comment."

"You heard it here first Vale. Ruby Rose has the hots for Whitley Schnee." Lisa Lavender said into the camera as she took the sound of an unfolding sniper scythe behind her as a cue to leave.

Before Ruby could go charging after the reporter Professor Port put her in a hold. "Calm down Miss Rose. Your friends, Team SSSN will be going up next. Surely you'd prefer talking about their weapons to scalping TV personalities, right?"

"Scalping, what a lovely suggestion... I mean you're absolutely right, professor." Ruby said with a smile that was too wide to be anatomically correct.

"They'll be up against Team NDGO in a boys versus girls matchup in half rocky mesa, half pirate's cove terrain." Port continued.

"Right, I've only seen Sun's weapon before. Ruyi Bang and Jingu Bang are a pair of lever action shotgun-chucks. A chaotic weapon that guarantees a clear room once you've run through a drill. The flip-side is that you need insane control and precision to make it work. His can combine into a three-section staff for added reach, but that's pretty much all I know. So watching Team SSSN and Team NDGO bring all of their weapons to bear will be a learning experience for me too. And it looks like the weapons are coming out now. Sun's starting off with the staff I see. Scarlet next to him has drawn a cutlass and a flintlock. He's only got one shot before a cumbersome reload. The mental mathematics at play about where, and when, to fire to make the most of it should be interesting to watch, seeing that he has no choice but to make it a game-changer. Back to you Professor."

"An excellent summation Miss Rose. But it looks like Team NDGO has pulled Team SSSN into the rocky desert area. They've trained in Vacuo and know how best to use their Semblances accordingly. And before I even finish talking, Dew Gayl creates a trio of twisters with her spear and throws Sage Ayana out of bounds. An early elimination tilts the tables substantially in Team NDGO's favor. And it seems that a miscommunication has occurred between Sun Wukong and Neptune Vasilias. Octavia Ember moves to capitalize and... No, nothing of the sort. Neptune's gun creates room for a devastating counterattack. It's one to one for eliminations now. What do You think about that Miss Rose?" Port turned to Ruby, who was sitting in her chair, completely inert - and noticeably gobsmacked - at the sight before her. "Miss Rose? Miss Rose..."

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE?!?!" Ruby exploded to her feet, both hands out.

The burst of rage caught the whole stadium, and even brought the fight in the arena to a dead stop, with even the belligerents searching their positions, stances, and memories for what could have potentially set Ruby off.

But for those who Ruby was closest to, and those who had a decent modicum of firearm knowledge, the problem was obvious. And Ruby would like to imagine that the sight of the thing had been what had distracted Octavia.

Spoiler: The Cursed Gun of Team SSSN

"I'm going to be nice and not say anything about the barrel, because I assume the Dust and electromagnet array can compensate for that tiny, mini, itty-bitty shirmp barrel length you've got going on there. But I know that you or somebody that you've let borrow that weapon have used that thing as a carry-handle. Did- no Ruby, you just promised not to make any jokes about his accelerator array. So let's talk about how that thing feeds. The magazine is angled in the wrong fucking direction! At least I think so because I don't see where the chamber could be other than above the hinge. I hope for your sake that it is just an unfortunately shaped battery and that the gun you're holding works with pure directed energy and doesn't just linearize Dust. Because so help me if I find that there is some sort of small claw crane or autoloader like on an unmanned tank to extract solid-state ammunition and feed it into your chamber..."

Ruby inhaled, and then exhaled, and then inhaled, and then exhaled again.

"Alright Ruby, breathe, breathe. Just assume it is a directed energy weapon. There. Not so bad. The trigger is a fucking fingerprint scanner on your thumbhole stock which has NO GUARD and no geometry to let you know whether or not your fingers are where they need to be. It's just a smooth panel with an LED light that blends in with the grip. Up until today, I considered hair-triggers risky. WEISS!" Ruby abruptly turned the conversation on her teammate, picking up the microphone and pointing down where her team sat. "What is with your taste in men?! Do you really want a guy whose carbine goes off at the slightest touch? Just because we have Aura doesn't mean we can stop being serious about unintentional discharges. Do you have any idea how embarrassing it would be if you went in to wrap your arms around him and he popped? Just, right there. Let one loose. And he's got no barrel length to speak of so who knows where it's gonna go?"

--------

As Ruby ranted, a quarter of a world away, in a manse better fit to be called a palace, forty-three kilometers above the world, a man watched the Vytal Festival broadcast, and he schemed.

'Hmm, my heiress,' he mused for an instant on how tenuous that position was, 'has a taste in boys with blue hair in a peculiar style and no sense for firearms design.' Buying those, even he couldn't bear to call them weapons anymore. What had been a kind gesture to one of the movers and shakers of the highest strata of Atlesian politics, a kiss on the hand, had become the subject of the most successful ad campaign in the company's history. At the expense of his own image. He could buy and sell most of the Atlesian old money five or six times over, but Nicholas Schnee was an early Huntsman who saw how much money the MTC was raking in from Dust while doing escort missions for them, and decided that he wanted to be as wealthy as the people who were signing his paychecks. And with his passing, the Schnee name moved onto the second generation. Jacques - he had not been Jacques Gele in a long time - was even less, a Mantelian street rat who clawed his way up inch by bloody-fingered inch. So if he wanted connections, in his lifetime, the kind that would cement the Schnee name, he needed to play nice with the people already in. Dropping a contract on a small firm owned directly by a big name was as direct as an overture could be. But Jacques was no weapons expert. And it took the boy to say that the King of Vacuo had no clothes.

They had argued about it, of course, and the boy had even displayed a modicum of spine, trying to negotiate him up to signing off on a ten millimeter magnum battle rifle and a twelve gauge shot-pistol for every one of their security personnel. He eventually talked the boy down to an 8.6 - which could conceivably kill an Ursa, while being much less risky to fire in the mines, with an autopistol in Markhov once the boy impressed upon him the need for a supplement.

Of course there was still the matter of the keepers of the proverbial keys. An ancient family, an ancient, blue-haired family, an ancient, blue-haired, and predisposed to odd styles and bad guns family. He wondered if they had any sons Weiss' age.

He motioned to the mountain of cybernetics that stood silent among the armor displays. It was time to visit his progeny and discuss their futures. He might even let the boy keep his little flower.

--------

Ruby, of course, remained heedless to the machinations ongoing in Atlas, continued tearing into Neptune's weapon, "And that riser on that riser that you mounted your front sight on. You're not as bad as General Ironwood's pistol with the height over bore but what you've done is created a fixed sight set for indirect fire with what is possibly a pure directed energy weapon. So, we've got the magazine, possibly the feed, the whole gun itself when whatever you want to shoot is in your sights. Is everything with you just set at an angle? Again, Weiss, is this what it takes to impress you?"

After another minute or so of her protestations, Ruby calmed down, and the fight resumed, with the remains of Team SSSN pulling an easy victory because Team NDGO were still mostly laughing too hard to put up a fight.

Ruby would later be evicted from the commentator's booth lest her hot-blooded critiques of others' weapons delay the festival by a week.

--------
Epilogue - Later, the Fall of Vale
--------

This had not been the best week for Neptune Vasilias. First, Ruby Rose, of all people, had roasted him like a holiday ham in front of all of Remnant. Then everything went to pieces. It all started when Pyrrha Nikos killed Penny Polendina (who had actually been a robot) then somebody hacked the CCT network and ALL, that was to say ALL of Atlas' robots. And then the White Fang showed up again and let a bunch of Grimm into Vale and Beacon. And then he got Separated from his team and had to fight off a Paladin with some other students. But they were all older, so it worked out. Only for him to get separated again and then nearly crushed by a landing aircraft. And now he was agreeing to escort an old man in a white suit, and his black-cloaked bodyguard, to Ironwood's makeshift command post at the skydocks. The man had put his airship down elsewhere, in the interests of avoiding the crossfire, and was now demanding to be taken to his children.

"So who are we looking for, exactly?" Neptune asked. "Is it not obvious, my children, Weiss and Whitley Schnee." The man replied. "You're Weiss' dad?" Neptune asked. "Correct. And you're the boy who earned the ire of the best thing to happen to my marketing department since I took over the company."

'Damn it, Ruby!' Neptune thought to himself.

"And according to her, my daughter fancies you, doesn't she?" There was a trap in that sentence, Neptune knew it.

"Yes, sir." came Neptune's response, neutrally, and politely, to minimize his footprint.

"Goood." Jacques said, in a low tone that set off alarms in Neptune's head. 'WHERE DID I FUCK UP?!' He wondered.

"Fafnir, crush his balls."

'Wuh?" Neptune's legs were moving before even his subconscious could process what the man had said. And by the time it had they were putting up a pace with Ruby's Semblance. And by the time he heard the rumbling, static-y laughter, they were definitely outpacing her. Yet why did it sound like the laughter was getting louder...

'Obstacle cleared.' Jacques Schnee thought to himself before heading toward what he assumed to be Ironwood's makeshift command post. He had caught a glimpse of something on the fly-over, and though it had been years since he was last in Vale, he had enough of a mental map of the general area that he could reasonably find his way from Point A to Point B, or at least, from Point A to a place where he could easily find Point B. He drew his new gun from his coat pocket and started walking.

Fin

Lesson Learned. Maybe promising to deliver as early as Count did wasn't a good idea. Count promised the weekend but didn't want it hanging over him on Sunday. Only one cursed gun for Ruby to comment on this time but Count had to set the stage for her to take it on. That kind of ended up becoming the project in and of itself, and to my own chagrin I set out to fire off a few jokes and cleared the 3.4k word mark writing a story. Of course, because Count wanted this to still be comedy he had to start forcing laughs the cheap way.

Other events in the Cursed Guns-verse that Count might want to do? Writing them in my own time though. No more deadlines.

- Taiyang and Qrow's reaction to hearing Ruby kiss a boy on live TV

- Jacques meeting Ruby and it not going well for him considering that Fafnir is still chasing Neptune

- If and how Neptune escapes Fafnir

- If and how Lisa Lavender escapes Ruby now that Vale has collapsed and the rule of law doesn't really apply.

 

[Gur40]

Cindere Meme is going wild

Spoiler: Cinder Trade Meme

I know it wont happen but it can be funny

---

Which Ship do you you like for Whitley?

Spoiler: Penny

or

Spoiler: Neon

?

---

Artoria in "historical' armor

Spoiler: You get the refernece

---

Ruby meeting up with her Signal Friends After Jaune Amped Her

Spoiler: She Drinks Milk

Most Signal Friends i see are MHA Expy of Mei Hatsume and Melissa Shield

Spoiler: Signal Friends

also
From Tumblr
By hadesisqueer

Aug 29, 2022
Sometimes I remember Ruby had friends at Signal when the show started and I think it's funny, because like.

Imagine you're a Signal student, and you had a classmate with whom you got along with, a quirky, cute girl. She ends up getting accepted into Beacon two years earlier, and you're happy for her. Last thing you heard from her was a letter she sent you and other classmates. Then time passed, Beacon fell and you lost contact. You heard from her father, your teacher, that she left with a few friends for Haven. Sometimes you wonder how she is doing.

Then one night you're just chilling watching a movie with your dad or something and then your old fucking classmate appears, says she's already a Huntress before you could even enroll into an Academy and now she's telling everyone that Ironwood has abandoned the other kingdoms and that magic exists and Satan is real. How would you react.

 

[MetalHead]

or

Spoiler: Neon

Click to shrink...

Cute pairing aside, can't help but laugh at the fact that Flint wears sunglasses under diving goggles.

 

[cavalal386]

Cursed Guns

Click to shrink...

oh Great Count of Hoots and Barns, this humble peasant comes to you on bended knee with a request.

we humbly ask for a "Ruby reacts to The Guns from Helldivers"

... that or her reaction to this gun:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2hsGZSVG4E

 

[IvanR1314]

oh Great Count of Hoots and Barns, this humble peasant comes to you on bended knee with a request.

we humbly ask for a "Ruby reacts to The Guns from Helldivers"

... that or her reaction to this gun:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2hsGZSVG4E

Click to shrink...

Ahoy is good culture. very nice.

 

[Bommel]

Artoria in "historical' armor

Spoiler: You get the refernece

Click to shrink...

Okay, but what if grandma Artoria actually had the whole Monty Python knights of the round table retinue and went on the same (or very similar) insane comedy adventures?
(a crossover fic like that does alreay exist; Inaccurate Legends)

And what if Jaune's childhood pet (which is still alive because it doesn't age in the normal way) is a tamed Rabbit of Caerbannog, and it didn't even have Aura back then?
It's very cute and fluffy, so everyone adores it, but it's also still incredibly dangerous, strong, quite tough and incredibly fast, and with Aura, way more dangerous (what would it's Semblance be? ), but every good guys and especially the Schnee's would still adore it because it's really helpful and on their side (exept for Jacques, Ironwood, or the secret badguys in disguise, as the Rabbit makes them uneasy and they suspect it can sense their real intentions and personalities).

Again, I'm really not a fan of the Fate franchise, but I am a real big fan of Monty Python.

Spoiler: crossover Rabbit of Caerbannog

Spoiler: Other Fate/Monty Python crossover fanart

 

[Sir Borks-a-Lot]

what would it's Semblance be?

Click to shrink...

An explosion, aka the Holy Hand Grenade?

 

[The Brotherhood of Steel]

Funny idea Jaune has a variety of knowledge and skills which he attributes to growing up with 7 sisters.

Starts off normal with skills like sewing, hair care, cleaning, and cooking. His friends starts to get concern when he knows things like lock picking, price of black market goods, cleaning up blood from clothes and rugs, and hot wiring a vehicle.

Only one who isn't concerned is Weiss because Winter taught her similar stuff after joining the military.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Fun random idea: How would Blake try to convince Katy of the gloriousness of Menagerie's cause?

Blake: "Menagerie is the homeland of all Faunus!

Katy: "Not mine."

Blake: "But why continue to serve humans?!"

Katy: "Um, my family doesn't. We're neighbors and friends. We own our farm."

Blake: "Only because humans gave it to you!"

Katy: "Uh, yeah. Because we were loyal retainers and knights."

Blake: "..."

Katy: "You do realize there were Faunus throughout history that lived out fairly stable lives, right? And were granted titles of nobility? When the Arcs were kings, we were Counts."

Blake: "Counts?"

Katy: "Like, we ruled Radian County on behalf of the Arcs when they were royalty."

Blake: "But why do you only own a farm now?!"

Katy: "Well, because my ancestors were about as good with money as the Arcs. And we usually sided with the Arcs and so, when their fortunes fell, so did ours."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Arjun and Saia had cleared out of the training yard. Isabel and Nick didn't know why... Until a certain member of Team STRQ barreled in.

Raven: "NICK ARC! FIGHT ME!"

Nick: "Okay!"

Isabel: "NO! Every time you two idiots fight, you fight for hours and have to go to the infirmary!"

Nick: "But Izzzyyyyy... Fighting her is cool!"

Isabel: "NO! Go fight Taiyang!"

Raven: "I already fought him! He's in the infirmary!"

Isabel: "Well go fight Qrow!"

Raven: "He and Summer ran away! FIGHT ME!"

Isabel: Sighs. "Fine, in that case, I'll fight you!" Turns to Nick. "Nick you act as the referee, and, no, you can't join in!"

Nick: "But Izzyyyyy!"

Isabel: "Not buts!"

Raven: "What? You're a medic! How much fun will you be to fight?"

Isabel: Nods. "That's right, I am a medic..." Gestures to the area surrounding them. ", but this isn't a field, it's an operating table, and I'm the Surgeon." Cracks knuckles.

Raven: Grins "Well well... That's quite a boast. Let's see if you can back it up!"

They had renovate the entire courtyard that day, but even still it ended with Isabelle's victory. The aftermath of which saw the majority of Isabel's clothes torn to pieces and ruined beyond recognition, and Raven nearly unconscious laying in the center of a massive crater, her opponents standing above her.

Isabel: "Haa... Haa... Haa... Haa... Back it up... Yourself... BITCH!"

Nick: "IZZY! THAT WAS SO COOL!"

Isabelle: Smiles, a slight blush dusting her cheeks. "Thanks Nick, now if you could help me-" It was at that moment that the remnants of Isabelle's clothes finally gave way.

Raven: "H-Hey! You can't ogle her! Ogle me! My boobs are way bigger!"

Nick: "Oh... Wow..."

Raven: "H-Hey! You can't ogle her! Ogle me! My boobs are way bigger!"

Isabel stomped on her face.

Isabel: "I'M A LATE BLOOMER DAMNIT!"

 

[RustedSands]

Katy: "Well, because my ancestors were about as good with money as the Arcs. And we usually sided with the Arcs and so, when their fortunes fell, so did ours."

Click to shrink...

The reason Jaune isn't as great a warrior as the rest of his family is he somehow threw off their curse and is actually financially responsible.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

The reason Jaune isn't as great a warrior as the rest of his family is he somehow threw off their curse and is actually financially responsible.

Click to shrink...

Artoria married into the family and so some Albion financial sensibility got into the family line at last.