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SHINOBI: The RPG - New Game

Discussion in 'Creative Writing' started by Fulcon, Jun 17, 2020.

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  1. SebazuD

    SebazuD Experienced.

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    A less permanent boost could be general accesories or even a t-shirt with a funny joke.
    Same with fancy clothes for meeting fancy people.
     
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  2. Darkarma

    Darkarma Loli Ōtsutsuki

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    Also just realized. It would have been hilarious if he got four quests because of this line

    Reality Shows
    Start dating fast cause you're going to need all the Experience you can muster. Good thing you've at least seen the trailer to the Bachelor!
    Optional: Date multiple people at the same dinner party

    Reality Ensues
    Survive being the most eligible bachelor in Konoha
    Optional: Make it through dating all your potential wives without taking damage once

    Reality is a Hitch
    Find someone to get married to.
    Optional: Speed run your way to the Hokage's office within a week of the first person you date

    If at First you Succeed, try, try, try again.
    Assemble your harem of a least three people
    Optional: Fail only a maximum of one charisma roll per person before getting married.
     
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  3. Kalaong

    Kalaong Not too sore, are you?

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    ooeeooeeoo...
    wah, wah, wah...

    Never a bad time to play that tune.
     
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  4. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    This is a great point! In fact, Daisuke's jumpsuit and copper amulet reflect this bonus perfectly. :)

    That...yeah, that would be hilarious.

    Have a cookie. :D

    You are not wrong, friend. Have a cookie.
     
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  5. MasterMarx

    MasterMarx The Most Ridiculous Boss

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    That was a nice chapter to open the new arc on, I'll have to admit. Also, in regards to the thread, I'm impressed by the tattoo idea, actually... wonder how long it'll take Daisuke to think of that in character.
     
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  6. Pez

    Pez Spaceman

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    The Naruto world is so weird. They become adults so young because of their responsibilities, but they still aren't mature, emotionally, mentally, or physically. I like the Anko shipping, and I'll admit that I don't know much about the character other than all that crap with Orochimaru, but I have to wonder what she sees in someone so young. Assuming he removes her seal like in the original, I would have expected her interest in him to really peak then. While I'm not against what's happening now, and it certainly feels more organic than in the original version, it still feels a bit rushed. Maybe if there was a side chapter from her perspective, that would help.
     
  7. MasterMarx

    MasterMarx The Most Ridiculous Boss

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    Admittedly, we have seen some seeds planted- there was the bit last chapter where the receptionist lady was antagonistic about her. It suggests that a reason she likes Daisuke on because he's nice to her, though part of it might also be him showing actual interest in getting to know her as a person and stuff.

    An expansion from her POV wouldn't be amiss, though.
     
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  8. SebazuD

    SebazuD Experienced.

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    Following that logic, if he wears clothes that someone likes, he becomes better at reading them.

    Like a Ramen T-shirt for Naruto, one that says "Food carries no sin" for Chouji and of course he'd get better at reading Kakashi with an "Icha Icha" themed one.

    Hell, just a henge might also let him do that.

    Like, if he henges into an extremely beautiful woman or a really handsome man he'd gain the ability to read all of the subtext from anyone atracted to those forms.
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2021
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  9. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Far as I know, that's how it happened in the world before modernity. I am open to being wrong, however. Gandhi was married at 13, for example, though that's not Japan.

    Honestly, from what I can gleam from reading her bio, she's normally a Hunter-Nin that specializes in ranged combat. Her being Orochimaru's apprentice indicates a scientific background and she is deathly loyal to Konoha.

    Given that it's culturally acceptable for people to get married so young (though I don't think it's common) and that Daisuke doesn't act like a typical twelve year old and you've got the perfect situation for attraction to bloom.

    In my opinion, that's the kind of thing that would drive a woman to propose. :p

    Awesome! So glad that's the case. :D

    I see. Thank you for saying so.

    Given Anko's past, she greatly appreciates someone that is reigning their physical interest in so they can develop mental and emotional bonds (after all, she's been doing that for years). That, and he's very nice to her and helps her when he can. The gate was opened, per se, when he helped her save face in front of the Hokage so she didn't wind up in extremely hot water.

    Message received, I'll see what I can do.

    I mean, not wrong.

    But the game isn't that sophisticated...though I wouldn't mind reading an omake where it was. :D
     
  10. kayfizzlejosh

    kayfizzlejosh Getting sticky.

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    Maybe I just speedread through and missed it, any reason why Anko isn't coming with them? You would think that leaving the village would be a prime time for the Man in Green or whoever to strike, from Konoha's POV at least. So they'd want Anko along in case that happens.
     
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  11. Darkarma

    Darkarma Loli Ōtsutsuki

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    Who says she isn't secretly following them?

    Keep distance and try to see if anyone else is observing them.
     
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  12. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    That is a great question with two answers.

    Watsonian Answer: Anko's been on duty for weeks. Sure, there hasn't been a lot going on, but every morning watching over this guy from sunup to sundown has been wearing on her even if he's great company. Now that he's going on a mission with not one but two Jounin watching out for him at all times, she gets a small vacation. An unpaid vacation, since this mission is so expensive, it's good for Konoha's coffers.

    Doylist Answer: I'm afraid that featuring Anko for so many chapters in a row will wear out her welcome; in the previous draft, I inflicted a Daisuke/Anko romantic plot tumor on the readers and I would like to give those experiencing flashbacks a break and some time to go over what was happening and hopefully decide that it wasn't so bad this time. That, and having an Anko scene every single chapter is going to make those become stale so this is a method of instilling some variety.

    I do.

    A fun idea, but...no.

    However, if you've got an Omake idea, there's a threadmark in it for you.
     
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  13. Pez

    Pez Spaceman

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    It doesn't even have to be much, just something to showcase her thinking on him from her perspective. Maybe just a few paragraphs of her thoughts as she's shopping for a tea set. I'm curious if she has an issue with his age or not, because I'm not feeling that at all - more like she's struggling to just keep things professional.

    Like it's been stated, the seeds have been planted, and I feel you've written those iteractions very well. I'm trying my best to not let your previous version of Anko cloud my thinking. That version had a lot of (understandable) trust issues and self-destructive relationships. I assume that she's just used to flings and guys only being interested in her looks, which is why she acted the way she did, always appearing violent.

    ---

    So, when's the Hokage going to start trying to set our MC up with wives? He's loyal to people, not the village, so the best way to secure he stays in the village would be to tie him down to it with a harem. I'm surprised he hasn't started doing that yet, unless he's secretly hoping Anko can do that.
     
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  14. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    That's a great idea! I don't know when I can slide a scene like that in, but I'd certainly like too!

    Have a cookie.

    I'm not going to say one way or the other. Right now I'm feeling minor issues, but she's willing to overlook them for now.

    Thank you very much! I'm glad it's actually working this time (all that research is paying off!)

    Again, thank you very much. I really appreciate the effort you're making here because I know it was really screwy last time.

    Eh...kind of.

    I'm going to quote a post of mine from earlier in the thread with spoilers regarding Anko if you're interested.

    The revelation that he's loyal to people not the village is something he got not too long ago, so he's still setting things up. This kind of thing takes a lot of planning if it's not going to blow up in everyone's face. To be perfectly honest, Hiruzen's waiting for Daisuke to get married and then they'll have a discussion on it with his wife present.
     
  15. CmirDarthanna

    CmirDarthanna Connoisseur.

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  16. Extras: Omake: Darkama - Anko's Board to Death
    Darkarma

    Darkarma Loli Ōtsutsuki

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    Anko was a board. That wasn't just a mistake or a turn of phrase. Sure she was bored, but... no, right now she was more than that. She was a board.

    Frankly, it was a miracle it hadn't happened sooner considering the place she frequented on missions. Plenty of different opportunities to imitate wood planks, whether it be bamboo, pine, or mahogany. It just hadn't occurred to her until today. Sure the first half of the missions had gone well it a bit of a hair-pulling exercise but nowhere near as bad as tonight.

    It wouldn't have even occurred to her if it wasn't for her observing That Girl and him being way too nice in her regard.

    Following Daisuke, watching Daisuke, and not interfering for a week had been wearing on her sanity. Gai and Lee's exuberance was the start. Kakashi's lack of emotion made it worse. Watching Daisuke take on the bandits had been quite interesting. But it was afterward that drove her off onto the metaphorical plank.

    He had to be nice.

    Daisuke was nice to that ironing board-chested girl as he drank her tea respectfully. Drank it while politely fighting off the advances of that idea stealing saw dust-brained Hisako.

    Briefly (just briefly!) she had wanted that girl to have poisoned him with rue or something just so she would have an excuse to interfere. But no the girl wasn't a yandere, so Anko just had to watch and mull over how to one-up that log of a kunoichi.

    Everyone has a moment of weakness, and that was Anko's. It gave her motivation though.

    Brushing up on her tea ceremony skills was going to have to take up a lot of her time now. Maybe even one or two kage bunshin to assist. Her usual just wouldn't cut it.

    The only upside was she could read Icha Icha Paradise from over Kakashi's shoulder. Even if it was a re-read.

    But every now and then her mission would take precedence.

    After scaring the third green-clad noble half to death, Anko decided to try another tactic. Henge no jutsu sure was useful but it was times like these that she really, really, really hated its utility and flexibility.

    First, it was taking on the log-chan's form. It made seducing the second green clad man she had found easy. Then it was taking on the form of a log... to roll her way stealthy in watch of the fourth green adorned fellow. Now? Now this situation took the cake or foot as the case may be.

    Which was why she was now a bored floorboard in a pub tracking down the latest lead of another green-wearing individual. Though unfortunately, it was looking like it was another bust.

    Only this time enui was denied to her from the pressure on her back and being forced to watch her target.

    Just some insane drunk who kept claiming he was a literal god of death. For the last ten minutes, he had spent his time throwing back cheap shots of sake and building a hideously huge chain reacting puzzle made of chopsticks, shot glasses, and various other objects from around the pub.

    He had guaranteed it would kill someone with its awesomeness.

    How that was possible Anko couldn't see it. Not a single pointy object was used in its construction. In fact, the only redeeming attribute of either the contraption or the man was that it driving the foreign perv who was standing on top of her nuts. He kept muttering about mob spawn entity limits and it interfering with 'Console' whatever it was.

    Frankly, the only person dying tonight was Anko. If only she had an excuse to interfere, then, perhaps she wouldn't have been board to death.

    A/N
    Badum tish! Okay not that funny but someone did practically dare me to write an omake.
     
    Last edited: Mar 9, 2021
  17. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Threadmarked, friend! Have a plate of cookies. :D

    EDIT: Actually, that end was hilarious. :p
     
  18. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    Okay finally getting to this we'll start with the English stuff.

    I had always assumed A B C D and S ranking missions was just a translation thing such that viewers would have an easily understandable framework. Specifically I thought it was translation from the secondary Japanese set of characters they use to write down foreign words which haven't received a local equivalent. If we're just going with English being a thing which already exists, but isn't commonly spoken I totally understand. Fitting in completely unexpected elements on a world-building level can be scary.

    Ending the language tangent with the suggested cypher idea.... Thanks I hate it. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to hate it mind. It's well made language pain.

    Onto the Anko relationship bit. I want to just point out that Anko is very forward and suggestive even with people she isn't actively considering courting. We all remember the scene from Naruto canon where she heard little Naruto bragging, cut his cheek with a thrown kunai, proceeded to lick it clean, and finally comment that she loves braggarts as they tend to bleed the most right?

    My point? She can very easily have a friend whom she flirts with well before actually considering anything serious. She's no stranger to wandering eyes, and I'm pretty sure the literal mesh catsuit was chosen to encourage it. I'm not making some creepy easy consent joke. Just positing why one could not be offended by wandering eyes without having seriously started a relationship. It's expected.

    I also want to point out that the idea that it was actually dating was only raised just this update, and Anko might just be considering the concept without tossing it out of hand. A wait, and see approach if you will.

    Moving Right On from whether or not it's rushed, and possible justifications therein, I wonder how the young, bookish, prodigy, introvert with some social awkwardness, insecurities, and a heart of gold maps in her mind to past relationships? Does she just think of him as the anti-Orochimaru? Does she look at him as like a male version of her younger self? Is it conflicted in any way?

    I totally agree with Anko not being included in the coming mission. An extra Jonin and his team of combat specialists is good backup. That and yet another extra Jonin? Having to come up with justifications for why fights don't just immediately end without just adding more to fight that turns to a messy scrawl. What the bloody hell shows up to fight that, while maintaining tension, without being a damned S ranker? And if it would be an S ranker we start having to escalate the story to having the attention of S rankers too soon.

    Finally I can just imagine the mixture of exasperation, fear, confusion, and dread that must've been the conversation in Hiruzen's office. All starting with Hiruzen seeing the state of Kakashi bursting alarmed into his office and thinking something along the lines of: "Ah shit, here we go again. What NOW?!"
     
  19. Garganator

    Garganator Experienced.

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    I guess you may call it a harem, but in ancient Japan (which Naruto is heavily based on) there was pretty much a main wife, and secondary ones. Concubines were also there, but it depended on circumstances. I think you still remember those videos I posted with explanations on ancient Japanese cultural customs in this thread.

    But it's not exactly what I would call modern harem, and also not exactly classical (which was pretty much a complex social structure, where many 'concubines' in fact never slept with the head of that harem, and it was more of a specific type of court).

    https://www.youtube.com/c/Linfamy/videos - Linfamy is a phenomenal YouTuber who shows lots of interesting facts about ancient/medieval Japanese customs, in case you don't know about him.



    But this explains why they wanted more wives, and why it was acceptable.

    This is how it was in medieval times, including Japan. The concept of 'children' wasn't a thing really as mentioned before.

    And yes, 12-13 years old marriages, and pregnancies were a thing. The concept of lolicon didn't exist back then. Shotacon also wasn't a thing, if society allowed it that is (Ancient Rome, Ancient Greece).

    Here you may find an article on 'there was no childhood in medieval times' which IMO applies to Naruto world reasonably well. At least by shinobi standards. Children were pretty much 'mini adults' and there was also an open belief that some of them are born sinful, and they need to 'grow' out of it. Being a child in medieval times wasn't easy, in their already really hard lives.

    This is how it was pretty much everywhere. Japan wasn't an exception.

    Also, a reminder seducing strategies in Japan by our standards could be REALLY creepy, but it worked for their society.



    And the whole romance ritual angle.



    We don't know exactly why Orochimaru picked her. Her being talented in scientific field does make sense, but shinobi in the end don't care as much about it as being efficient in combat. Making her scientifically smart makes sense, but it's not a requirement, as there isn't any evidence to prove it.

    Naruto also feels at times really modern, so their culture being a mix of modern, and ancient Japan wouldn't be completely off. But in the end, they do have 'you are already adult at the age of 12' with genin, so those may be happening more often than we would like to think about.

    It's the moment of the biggest betrayal of her life, and also a permanent reminder of it. Someone removing it is a big deal, and honestly with how mercenary whole dating/seducing/marriages could be in Japan, Anko instantly claiming someone who would do it is in character IMO.

    What I also appreciated in your previous story (and possibly this one as well) that you never followed with 'turbo-nympho-slut' fanon that was there, as there is zero direct evidence to it. Yes, she liked to wear provocative clothes, but in the end she was a kunoichi, and it was a very obvious distraction tactic. And it worked.

    Yes, it may be possible, as there is also no evidence against it, but it's annoying with how shallow some people try to make Anko.

    But going with her simply dealing with toxic relationships makes sense, and it may explain some of her actions.

    I think when he reaches chuunin rank would make sense, as it's the first rank where people in this world feel shinobi start being leaders, aka responsible people. More or less.

    Making English a thing is a pretty big world-building change, although maybe there was in the past civilization who used it, and shinobi hijacked it for their own specific uses.

    Or Daisuke and that guy roaming around aren't the first English speakers that showed up in Elemental Nations, which also makes sense.

    Also, we don't know what is there outside of Elemental Nations. In one of the movies this showed up, but I think in the previous story it was pretty much Elemental Nations only and summon clans.

    So if you go with this Fulcon, I think you may sit on it, and think a bit on worldbuilding perspective more, as it is a pretty big change, that should affect past of this realm.

    Personally, I don't take that scene as her being suggestive in any way unless it's more for the people around in that scene (which would make sense). Creepy - oh yes. But she first, and foremost wanted to scare him off, and she pulled it off.

    Distraction tactic. But yes, she also may simply like to show off, and flirting is part of it. Unfortunately, Anko's characterization in the canon is pretty limited, so we work with limited material really.

    There is no need to include Anko, and most likely Hiruzen realizes it as well. Teams are already stacked there, and Anko may be always used for something else in Hokage's eyes.
     
  20. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    I'm not trying to pigeonhole the reason Anko wants the eyes. It could be any of several, or multiple of several, or even change day to day, and moment to moment. I just make the argument that she is deliberately cultivating them.

    As to the scene with Naruto I referenced in canon, I was thinking yandere trope which is both creepy and attempted flirty provocative on a sliding scale.
     
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  21. RichardWhereat

    RichardWhereat Aia airëa Fëanáro.

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    A leaf of fire.
     
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  22. alec_potter

    alec_potter Versed in the lewd.

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    Nice update.
    The mission promises to be fun especially with Team Gai along.

    I felt the development a bit rushed from Anko’s end but then they live in a totally different world so using our benchmarks for them isn’t appropriate.

    I also liked the idea of tattoos. But can’t something be done using the planned genetics plan?

    Maybe I am misremembering but didn’t Naruto meet him last chapter. Hasn’t he been updated on the threat?
     
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  23. Mr.Wizzard

    Mr.Wizzard Making the rounds.

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    He tried to crack the code, but in the end...

    Puts on sunglasses.

    The code cracked him.

    YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
     
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  24. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    As far as my world-building goes, the Naruto world doesn't have the entire alphabet. They just have A B C D and S. That's it. It was a thing in ancient history, a history so ancient they have no records of it. A forgotten empire.

    Honestly, I thought it was so much fun.

    I referenced the Naruto bit in the chapter where Anko and Daisuke meet. She describes herself as a morbid prankster so in my mind, she did that entirely to scare him. Certainly, she is might be a flirt but I was mostly approaching the catsuit from the 'she's a Kunoichi and it's distracting' angle.

    That, and I would like to say there's a difference between abusing male's eyes tendency to wander and (nonverbally) inviting someone to undress her with their eyes.

    That is a great question and one that necessitates that Anko POV interlude that has been requested.

    Hehehehehehe...it's going to get worse.

    I went with a simplified version of the above, with 'First Wife' being called wife and the secondary wives being called 'concubines'. I figured it'd help with clarity with those not familiar with ancient Japanese Culture. That, and Naruto isn't a 1 for 1 copy of Ancient Japan, so some small differences are (imho) to be expected.

    No evidence for it but honestly, it's what I got as far as characterization is concerned. So I am choosing to use it since it's the most plausible in my honest opinion.

    Agreed.

    I appreciate you saying so, that helps me feel better about the whole thing.

    The 'turbo-nympho-slut' fanon is going to have a nod to it - a deconstructive nod that treats Nymphomania like the illness that it is and showing someone that has more or less conquered it finding actual romantic love. Yes, the provocative clothes are an obvious distraction tactic that work.

    But I agree, having a character made shallow irritates me as well.

    Exactly!

    That's a good idea...

    Hope so! I really want to get more mileage out of Team Gai this time around. Last time Team 9 was around for a mission, they were accompanied by the entire Rookie 9, so they got overlooked.

    Something can be done with the planned genetics, certainly.

    We haven't addressed that conversation yet. :p
     
  25. NightmareWarden

    NightmareWarden Versed in the lewd.

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    I wonder if English is the shared language of summoned animals. That could explain it being uncommon, yet still present in the world. It would certainly make the language feel forbidden with connotations towards “demon rituals” and whatever else civilians say about the stranger shinobi powers.
    Plus if the clan leaders of certain animal species take up verbal ticks, talk cryptically or speak in rhyme we would have an explanation towards why summoning contracts are uncommon. Animals that put in the effort to learn “The Ninjas’ Japanese” would be few and far between. Most common among species that raise their young and train them.

    Mission and bingo book rankings could draw from an older description of Boss Summons (categorizing their power).
     
  26. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    Legitimately neat idea. Would allow the English to effect the world, and be part of it, without invalidating the usefulness of the skillset.

    You can even have that be a semi-plausible cover for the language link. It was learned/implanted as a cryptography/language barrier thing. It is not WHOLLY unique to the two involved, and provides plausible deniability.

    Would also mean teaching one's teammates English is more than cryptography. Suddenly it gives access to the speaking base of every intelligent being in the world.
     
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  27. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Uh...like I noted above, I was thinking the English language was used by a Forgotten empire, with only the letters of A B C D E and S being remembered. This is a cool idea, but I really don't want the whole 'English in Naruto' to be something that grows into swallowing a large portion of the fic.
     
  28. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    Got it. If it becomes anything more it happens if, and only if, one of the two teaches. I just jumped on the idea, because I thought it would answer more hanging questions than it created if it were implemented. To be fair it's in the same boat as most of the suggestions I champion that talk about future instead of established lore/events. Interesting, but hardly worth arguing over.
     
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  29. Fulcon

    Fulcon Not working on it anymore. Sorry.

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    Just making sure it wasn't missed. :)

    ...quick question.

    Do you guys think Daisuke is famous yet?
     
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  30. Galacticplumber

    Galacticplumber Not too sore, are you?

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    Oh you'll never have to worry about that with me. I am your shadow.... In a non-creepy way.

    As for the fame question.... This coming mission will quite literally be the first time he has left the village, there hasn't been a chunin exam in leaf for other villages to learn of him AT ALL, and I'd bet Hiruzen is keeping the haunted house on the hush hush.

    End result? I'm pretty sure that Daisuke may be known to people high in the leaf hierarchy, or those linked to him. I don't think it extends beyond that yet. I would say, however, that with how crazy his competence in battle is that status as a well kept state secret is fragile.
     
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