Demiurgos
Versed in the lewd.
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I honestly have no idea, all I know is that Blake is a shitty kitten/waifu, apparently.
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Sneaking His Way into the Multiverse (RWBY Jaune, WC-lite mechanics)
- Thread starter LazyAutumnMoon
- Start date
I honestly have no idea, all I know is that Blake is a shitty kitten/waifu, apparently.
Asdercol
The Last Jedi also had "Themes", Gege!
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It's more like they just made RWBY and others excessively stupid and ridiculously hypocritical for no good reason. What was that again about Ozma's secrets being bad? Now let's gaslight and undermine Ironwood while keeping secrets!
Makes no goddamn sense. Team RWBY and the others were done dirty with how they were handled during that season.
Kwame
Versed in the lewd.
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No it's more iron wood was changed in one episode with no prior buildup or hints. RWBY always had those flaws but were magnified over the course of a couple of seasons but unlike Ironwood this was seen as positive by the narrative.
It's like rorschach he was written as this horrible person and the narrative wants you to believe that but most people I've talked to at least like him due to what he did at the end. This was purely unintentional by then writer. The seeds are there and you can't call it bad writing just because the audience disagree with the intent.
RWBY is like that, they intend for what ever they do to be viewed as good and moral but it doesn't come off that way to the audience. That's unintentional on the writers part bad writing or not.
While Ironwood was made consistent just like RWBY. The writers realized the something was happening in the opposite direction and it didn't suit their message. So the next season they make him wildly out of character. It's not bad writing at that point, that's where it becomes character assassination. It's not the same character at all. If they has written a way for Ironwood to get from A to B it'd be fine. In their case they skipped steps and made a new character. RWBY might be horrible people due to how badly A to B was written but at least they had one even if it's their worse traits amplified.
An example based on your own work woukd be like TT going from smug know it all to murderer in between one chapter to the next just because. Versus smug know it all becoming her only character trait. Both are bad but atleast one of them isn't a completely new character.
Lazurman
That Others May Fap
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I thank the author for the permission to put my debate hat on, but all the same I'm gonna be putting most of this into spoiler boxes, cuz I'm not the author. Posting entertaining walls of text is supposed to be his job, not mine.
Oh joy, it's almost 3am. Good night, sirrahs.
Oh look, a whataboutism, haven't had to put up with that brand of nonsense in a bit. 
Did the words 'Jaune and Lisa can trivially handle everything 40k has to offer' ever pass my lips? Did I ever say they'd be just fine if the most evil motherfuckers in the galaxy got their hands on them? No. That's asinine. Shame on you. Whataboutisms are poor debate behavior.
My argument was that while yes, Jaune likely would draw abnormal amounts of daemonic attention by dint of being who and what he is, he'll have the chops to take care of himself, both in terms of narrative weight, and in skill and experience and power and Catalog-granted boons. I also don't think he's going to be causing daemonic incursions just by existing. His soul is a shield, not some loose and uncontrolled thing dangling appetizingly out in the Warp.
(Side note: if you take their mid-to-high end feats into account, top level Huntsmen, absent any Catalog specific boons, could defeat any soldier in the Imperium short of a Custodian, certain members of the Assassinorum, or high level psykers. 'Ooh, Mr. Astartes, you're so skilled, you can deflect bullets with your sword--congratulations, you now count as a particularly durable and disciplined mook by RWBY standards.' Jaune is far off from being a veteran Huntsman, but he will be, one day.)
Oh, and attributing any of Lisa's chances of survival in 40k (a setting swimming in skilled and smart and badass women, mind you) to Girlpower TM--classy. Real classy and mature. Shame on you, twice over. Lisa has some flaws that need fixing, yeah, but hopefully by the time they're feeling alright with tackling a DR 10 setting, she'll have tempered them with experience.
Also also! Unironically calling the Imperium the light side? 'The cruelest and bloodiest regime imaginable' that kills more of its own citizens than any xeno ever has over the last ten thousand years? You have not been paying attention, dude. Don't kid yourself. In 40k, your options are all varying flavors of shit.
More to the point, there are an endless number of ways for a pair of people to go unnoticed and survive on most Imperial worlds, if not exactly thrive. Unless they immediately and explosively grab high level attention, it could be years before they're found out and sufficiently powerful forces are mobilized to deal with them. Quick and efficient, Imperial bureaucracy is not. Evidence supporting this being every two-bit cult and gang that crawls out when you so much as turn over a rock on any given world.
They're protagonists; they're bound to get wrapped up in an adventure, but it'd be a really miserable story if it concluded with 'and then Jaune and Lisa were tortured to death, Imperium über alles, the end, lololol'.
Did the words 'Jaune and Lisa can trivially handle everything 40k has to offer' ever pass my lips? Did I ever say they'd be just fine if the most evil motherfuckers in the galaxy got their hands on them? No. That's asinine. Shame on you. Whataboutisms are poor debate behavior.
My argument was that while yes, Jaune likely would draw abnormal amounts of daemonic attention by dint of being who and what he is, he'll have the chops to take care of himself, both in terms of narrative weight, and in skill and experience and power and Catalog-granted boons. I also don't think he's going to be causing daemonic incursions just by existing. His soul is a shield, not some loose and uncontrolled thing dangling appetizingly out in the Warp.
(Side note: if you take their mid-to-high end feats into account, top level Huntsmen, absent any Catalog specific boons, could defeat any soldier in the Imperium short of a Custodian, certain members of the Assassinorum, or high level psykers. 'Ooh, Mr. Astartes, you're so skilled, you can deflect bullets with your sword--congratulations, you now count as a particularly durable and disciplined mook by RWBY standards.' Jaune is far off from being a veteran Huntsman, but he will be, one day.)
Oh, and attributing any of Lisa's chances of survival in 40k (a setting swimming in skilled and smart and badass women, mind you) to Girlpower TM--classy. Real classy and mature. Shame on you, twice over. Lisa has some flaws that need fixing, yeah, but hopefully by the time they're feeling alright with tackling a DR 10 setting, she'll have tempered them with experience.
Also also! Unironically calling the Imperium the light side? 'The cruelest and bloodiest regime imaginable' that kills more of its own citizens than any xeno ever has over the last ten thousand years? You have not been paying attention, dude. Don't kid yourself. In 40k, your options are all varying flavors of shit.
More to the point, there are an endless number of ways for a pair of people to go unnoticed and survive on most Imperial worlds, if not exactly thrive. Unless they immediately and explosively grab high level attention, it could be years before they're found out and sufficiently powerful forces are mobilized to deal with them. Quick and efficient, Imperial bureaucracy is not. Evidence supporting this being every two-bit cult and gang that crawls out when you so much as turn over a rock on any given world.
They're protagonists; they're bound to get wrapped up in an adventure, but it'd be a really miserable story if it concluded with 'and then Jaune and Lisa were tortured to death, Imperium über alles, the end, lololol'.
Every step of the way, James Ironwood played into the villains' hands and gave them everything they wanted.
Directly from V6 and V7:
Tyrian: There's been a change in plans. Her Grace must act swiftly if we are to prevail. If General Ironwood comes to his senses and calls upon aid from Vacuo, all may be lost for us! And so the good doctor and I are being sent to Atlas... to prepare.
...
Ironwood: (over communicator) Schnee.
Winter: Yes, sir?
Ironwood: (over communicator) Was anyone caught trying to enter the school grounds while I was away?
Winter's eyes widen, and she turns to look at the school.
Winter: (uncertain) N-no.
Ironwood: (over communicator, speaking slowly) Are. You. Sure?
Winter's eyes widen more, and she sprints toward the school.
Cinder: Still afraid, I see.
Cinder is standing in a hallway inside the academy, watching Winter through a window. The lights in the hall are red.
Cinder: Now show me where you've been hiding her.
...
Ironwood: If we harness the power of the Staff, and raise ourselves high into the atmosphere, the city's artificial climate will keep citizens and food supplies unharmed. Always out of reach of whatever Salem may try to send our way.
Blake: But we're nowhere near finished evacuating everyone! You'd be leaving Mantle to die.
Ironwood: Yes… I would.
They played him like a damn fiddle and preyed on his insecurities to guarantee their victory. Cutting off the evacuation was in response to the assumption of there being more infiltrators among the populace of Mantle. Because there might be infiltrators, that's apparently enough reason enough to condemn half of your kingdom to die and to not even bother trying to save them. Not that he was incapable, especially given that the military held out for basically a full day after the hardlight shields fell and left them scrambling in a much less advantageous position, but that he didn't even want to try. I know that you can't always save everyone, but by God first you have to try. The first and last duty of a soldier is to fight and die in the defense of your country, and he failed that test of character.
Throughout the entire volume, Ironwood has routinely dismissed Mantle as unimportant, an obstacle to go around or threaten to get what he wants. The moment he quit being a paranoiac and took a leap of faith to work with Robyn, Mantle and Atlas were finally working together and they were on course to win.
This man was introduced as an day-drinking alcoholic who practically immediately began undermining his allies upon being told that he couldn't do things the way he wanted. And later, in V4:
Jacques: You've never trusted anyone but yourself!
Ironwood: And for good reason!
He doesn't even deny he's got issues! His arc, for the entire length of the show, has been that of an isolated man caught in a downward spiral, interspersed with little hope spots here and there to remind us that this man had the potential to be one of Remnant's greatest heroes and staunchest defenders. But his obsession with control and distrust for anything he does not control turned his allies against him and left him to die alone and unmourned.
He also didn't rule Atlas, at least not until he murdered the peer that dared call him scared and conducted the world's shortest-lived coup. Close thing, though, given that he occupied two out of the five council seats governing the kingdom in an unprecedented grab for power. But that's just pedantry, really. Your argument is that because he's older, he knows better by default? Hah! That'd be hilarious if it wasn't so sad. News flash: being an old fucker doesn't make you wise; it just means you've had longer to make mistakes, and in James' case, to keep making the same damn mistakes without learning from them.
Also, you're flat out wrong about the majority of the kingdom dying. Cinder blasted a handful of people off the edge before fighting Team RWBY, and there were no more people trickling into the portal network when Cinder finally deleted it. They saved everyone they could, from both kingdoms, instead of settling for half. If James hadn't lost his mind, he and the heroes could have worked together and properly pooled their resources to get an easy victory.
If you still think, after all of that, all of that character development over the course of V2-V8--that it came out of nowhere, and that James was a rational actor in his right mind making the smart choices? And not a deeply flawed man who let his stubbornness and paranoia undo him? Then I have no more words for you.
And as for the Paper Pleasers' situation, please. Heroes should not be held responsible for villains deciding to be murderously evil shitheads. Full stop. Jaune lashed out and blamed Ruby because his insane coping mechanism was just washed away. Then practically immediately realized he fucked up and apologized.
Directly from V6 and V7:
Tyrian: There's been a change in plans. Her Grace must act swiftly if we are to prevail. If General Ironwood comes to his senses and calls upon aid from Vacuo, all may be lost for us! And so the good doctor and I are being sent to Atlas... to prepare.
...
Ironwood: (over communicator) Schnee.
Winter: Yes, sir?
Ironwood: (over communicator) Was anyone caught trying to enter the school grounds while I was away?
Winter's eyes widen, and she turns to look at the school.
Winter: (uncertain) N-no.
Ironwood: (over communicator, speaking slowly) Are. You. Sure?
Winter's eyes widen more, and she sprints toward the school.
Cinder: Still afraid, I see.
Cinder is standing in a hallway inside the academy, watching Winter through a window. The lights in the hall are red.
Cinder: Now show me where you've been hiding her.
...
Ironwood: If we harness the power of the Staff, and raise ourselves high into the atmosphere, the city's artificial climate will keep citizens and food supplies unharmed. Always out of reach of whatever Salem may try to send our way.
Blake: But we're nowhere near finished evacuating everyone! You'd be leaving Mantle to die.
Ironwood: Yes… I would.
They played him like a damn fiddle and preyed on his insecurities to guarantee their victory. Cutting off the evacuation was in response to the assumption of there being more infiltrators among the populace of Mantle. Because there might be infiltrators, that's apparently enough reason enough to condemn half of your kingdom to die and to not even bother trying to save them. Not that he was incapable, especially given that the military held out for basically a full day after the hardlight shields fell and left them scrambling in a much less advantageous position, but that he didn't even want to try. I know that you can't always save everyone, but by God first you have to try. The first and last duty of a soldier is to fight and die in the defense of your country, and he failed that test of character.
Throughout the entire volume, Ironwood has routinely dismissed Mantle as unimportant, an obstacle to go around or threaten to get what he wants. The moment he quit being a paranoiac and took a leap of faith to work with Robyn, Mantle and Atlas were finally working together and they were on course to win.
This man was introduced as an day-drinking alcoholic who practically immediately began undermining his allies upon being told that he couldn't do things the way he wanted. And later, in V4:
Jacques: You've never trusted anyone but yourself!
Ironwood: And for good reason!
He doesn't even deny he's got issues! His arc, for the entire length of the show, has been that of an isolated man caught in a downward spiral, interspersed with little hope spots here and there to remind us that this man had the potential to be one of Remnant's greatest heroes and staunchest defenders. But his obsession with control and distrust for anything he does not control turned his allies against him and left him to die alone and unmourned.
He also didn't rule Atlas, at least not until he murdered the peer that dared call him scared and conducted the world's shortest-lived coup. Close thing, though, given that he occupied two out of the five council seats governing the kingdom in an unprecedented grab for power. But that's just pedantry, really. Your argument is that because he's older, he knows better by default? Hah! That'd be hilarious if it wasn't so sad. News flash: being an old fucker doesn't make you wise; it just means you've had longer to make mistakes, and in James' case, to keep making the same damn mistakes without learning from them.
Also, you're flat out wrong about the majority of the kingdom dying. Cinder blasted a handful of people off the edge before fighting Team RWBY, and there were no more people trickling into the portal network when Cinder finally deleted it. They saved everyone they could, from both kingdoms, instead of settling for half. If James hadn't lost his mind, he and the heroes could have worked together and properly pooled their resources to get an easy victory.
If you still think, after all of that, all of that character development over the course of V2-V8--that it came out of nowhere, and that James was a rational actor in his right mind making the smart choices? And not a deeply flawed man who let his stubbornness and paranoia undo him? Then I have no more words for you.
And as for the Paper Pleasers' situation, please. Heroes should not be held responsible for villains deciding to be murderously evil shitheads. Full stop. Jaune lashed out and blamed Ruby because his insane coping mechanism was just washed away. Then practically immediately realized he fucked up and apologized.
You may recall that, after learning the sheer magnitude and hopelessness of their situation, Team RWBY very nearly gave up. Part of that was due to overnight Apathy exposure, sure, but looking at the whole sordid tale, it's not hard to see why their resolve to continue was shaken. If it weren't for Ruby's nigh ceaseless optimism to push them onwards, they'd have chucked the Lamp down a well and gone home. So yes. They felt betrayed by Ozpin for keeping secrets, and then went on to do the same because they came to understand why, especially with how sus Ironwood was acting. But unlike Oz, who had to have his secrets pulled from him by Oscar and Jinn, Ruby and Oscar felt that Ironwood had sufficiently proven his character after reconciling with Robyn that it would be okay to be honest with him. Only for him to use it as ammunition for why RWBY weren't trustworthy. He and Ozpin really did swap roles between V2 and V7, as others have pointed out.
Oh joy, it's almost 3am. Good night, sirrahs.
Last edited:
Chapter 18: A Vicious Streak a Mile Wide
New
LazyAutumnMoon
We all need Sundancer in our life.
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Atop the windowsill of the apartment where Jaune and Lisa currently resided, there now sat a little cloth talisman propped up against a coffee mug.
Crude of make, yet filled with adoration, the effigy somewhat resembled its creator, dyed in the colors of white, red, and gold. Set to face the direction from which the sun rises, one would swear that it shone with a faint glimmer in the early morning light.
(This was, of course, its highest and best use. As a piece of decor.)
The Company scroll, too, did sparkle under the sun as Jaune held it aloft in victory. On the screen was displayed a most beautiful message, 'Item(s) Sold', along with a Points balance. A positive Points balance.
Hark. Take heed. Listen up, world, and tremble, for Jaune Arc has gotten himself out of debt.
"Soooo…" began Lisa, neither harkening nor heeding.
"Hang on, let me enjoy the moment."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"This might go on for a while," he cautioned her.
His adventure in Lordran turned out pretty great, all told. It had its ups, it had its down, and in the end the results warranted celebration.
First off, nobody died—well, besides Solaire, but he got better. Meanwhile, the drake sword had put him back in the black, with the channeler trident adding a surplus.
Sure, it may just mean he was occupying a spot a shade better than prior financial-wise, with bankruptcy two steps away instead of one, and he still could afford very little of note for the time being (and definitely no rocket boots). Those were secondary concerns to the fact that he had done what he set out to do. Taken, traded, and earned. He deserved this.
The gloating took another six minutes, thereabout. Long enough that when Jaune left the window and returned to his seat at the dining table, Lisa had had time to drain her coffee mug, and to steal his, too.
…He should take offense at the blatant act of theft, but really, he was more worried about her, because while he loved his caffeine same as many, two cups first thing in the morning sounded a tad unhealthy. From the way she lapped up the drink, plus the fleeting glances she sent towards the coffee pot, Lisa sneered at such weak-minded views and had every intention to go for a third cup.
Note to self, check the Marketplace for addiction cures.
He coughed to get her attention. "Hey, I'm ready. What were you going to talk about?"
And what was there to talk about? The next location? Or maybe another futile discussion on their training regime, wherein Lisa begs for fewer push-ups?
"Oh, it's nothing big!" said Lisa with a bright smile. She set aside the sheaf of notes she was reviewing and (much more reluctantly) let go of the coffee mug, putting her hands in her lap. Then, seeming to change her mind, she placed both hands on the table, clasped together. "I just thought I'd ask how you're coming along with the scrolls."
Immediately, Jaune groaned. One hand came up to rub his temple.
"Why did you have to remind me of that?" His suffering got a giggle from her. Because of course it did.
"Weeeell, you were the one who yesterday said we should keep and study them. Ready to quit yet? You could sell them for a mint."
A dirty look was his answer to her. "You might have thrown in the towel, but I'll figure this out. Watch me."
"If you say so~" She singsonged.
"I do!"
Except, half a night of trying to make heads or tails of the two scrolls given by Solaire said otherwise.
Lightning Spear and Great Heal. Offense and recovery. The Knight of Sunlight bestowed upon them quite a gift, and Jaune had been looking forward to wielding such deep, arcane wisdoms as tossing electricity from his hands and skipping a medical degree, right up until he discovered that the documents read more like two sheets of hymns than the instruction manuals he expected. As far as he could tell, from a combination of the item descriptions in the Company scroll and Lisa reasoning it out, the process involved a person internalizing the flowery chants written on the pages to the point that they can recite them from memory. It's a rather daunting task for someone like him whose preferences ran to the comic book side in terms of literature.
Too daunting, perhaps.
"...You sure you don't want to give it another shot, Lisa?"
She scoffed. "Don't look at me, you're the one who's apparently holding conversations with a dark god."
Jaune groaned again, because therein laid the real kicker to this whole affair. Solaire's brand of sorcery was not considered sorcery. No, they were miracles, deriving power from faith just as the knight told them. And faith came easy for a man who adored the sun, in addition to worshiping the Lord of Sunlight.
Less so, for Jaune. He knew for a fact that higher beings were out there. One of them sublet from him. He also has obtained firsthand experience that the Outsider was kind of a jerk, and the idea of singing earnest praises to the black-eyed man evoked nothing but the sense that he needed a cleansing shower for thinking it.
"Did you say something?"
"Uhhhh, no, I was being quiet. Surprising, I know."
"Guess it was my imagination. In any case, I want to keep trying with these spells. One's devastating as an attack, the other could save our lives. They're too useful to throw out so soon."
Propping her chin on a hand, Lisa gave a noncommittal hum. "It all still sounds like hocus-pocus to me." She rolled her eyes, and cut Jaune off before he could speak. "Yeah, yeah, magic exists. I get it. You understand how annoying the requirements are, though, right? There's either, one, finding a person who already has it to unlock it for you. Two, meeting an extradimensional entity that supposedly found you interesting." Her tone betrayed a great measure of doubt that anybody would think him in particular to be fascinating. Jaune stuck out his tongue at her in response and, cheekily, she did the same back to him. "Or three, you have to become a monk. Contrast that with tinkertech, which needs what to activate, again? A click of a button.''
"Unless we chance on the correct worlds, tinkertech costs Points," Jaune reminded her.
The chair legs screeched against the floor, as Lisa abruptly shifted in her seat to lean closer. "Hey, about that. Since you brought it up, I was thinking, we have a bit of scratch in the bank now so it might be good to, ya know, decide how to handle those Points."
Was it him, or was that shift in topic a tad sudden? Thrown for a loop, Jaune flip-flopped between his previous train of thought and this new matter, and settled on, "You wanted to save up, you told me."
"No, no, we're not spending it, that wasn't what I meant," Lisa was quick to agree. Jaune glanced down to see one of her fingers rapidly tapping on the table surface. "I'm just saying that back in the Undersiders, my old team, we normally use the time right after we get paid to divvy it among the group. It's standard procedure, that's all."
Oh.
Oh!
Jaune smacked his forehead. "I completely forgot! Sorry, let me—"
The Company scroll lacked a feature to split the Points amount, so he snagged a spare piece of paper from Lisa's notes along with a pencil—Dunwall's fountain pens tended to leave messy splotches. His name went on one side, Tattletale's on the opposite. Below each, he wrote their respective share of the current balance. 250 Points for him, 250 Points for her.
"And there we are." He turned the paper for Lisa to see.
A smile flitted across her face, vanishing as soon as it arrived. The tension she had tightly held inside up until this point became apparent in its release, with Lisa sagging against the backrest of her chair.
As her mood rose, so did Jaune's sink like a stone.
How honest, her reaction. It revealed the cheery mien she plastered on earlier to be but a facade. She had been wary of him the whole time. That he would cheat her, and renege on their deal.
Was he so untrustworthy? After everything thus far? A wince almost slipped out before Jaune schooled his expression to a mask of friendliness, relying on Lisa's inability to read past [Blank] to hide the pang of hurt that surfaced at the notion she believed him a person who would act in bad faith.
It worked, and in her giddiness, Lisa missed the bout of turmoil altogether. The oblivious girl was preoccupied with the two simple figures on the page, spending far longer than necessary studying them to her satisfaction. Then, with a nod, she sprang from her seat to tug the pencil from his grip, and pulled the piece of paper closer to her side of the table.
"What are you doing?" He leaned forward for a better look. "Is my math wrong?"
"Don't worry, I'm just making a few teeny tiny changes~"
She started with crossing out the numbers he wrote, and scribbling down new ones beneath those. 100 Points for him, 100 Points for her. Lisa then added a new column in the middle of their names…
Jaune snapped his head up, meeting green eyes. The sour mood faded to the back of his mind, and he couldn't quite help a grin, though it failed to match that foxlike smirk of hers.
300 Points. Marked down under 'Joint Funds'.
"Weren't we doing a fifty-fifty split?" he asked.
"Tsk tsk tsk." Lisa wagged her finger. "That's too short-sighted a way of looking at it, Jaune. When working together, we have to prioritize the long-term success of the group." She used the pencil to tap on his name. "The balance on your side is your private share. You can spend it however you like, no questions asked."
"And the middle number—"
"Will serve as our operating budget and go towards mutual expenses, or purchases that improve the odds for our little venture. It blurs the line of yours and mine, but lets us get a bit of flexibility. So, what do you think of my setup?"
From her carefree tone, she already guessed his response. It required no great leap of logic, not when he was nearly bouncing out of his seat—with a good possibility of then breaking into song and dance.
What a beautiful notion, this elegant solution. Trust in return for trust, and thus the two of them will both claw a path to the top.
"I like it. You've got a brilliant idea here, Lisa!"
We can actually make it work, Jaune thought. This could be a real team.
The girl made a show of buffing her nails, thoroughly smug. "Mmhm, I know. Feel free to keep saying it as much as you want. Although…" She glanced back at him. "These are some awfully skimpy numbers. How about we make them go higher?"
"Time for another trip? It sounds as though you have a destination in mind."
"I might have taken a peek at the list. Ummm." She fidgeted, growing shy. "My power might turn out kind of limited there. You really don't mind that, right?"
"I never would," he assured her with a laugh.
She brightened. "Good! Because this is one that's right up your alley, Mister Monster Slayer."
In a fetid cave filled with the bones of men, beasts, and other unnamed things, a supervillainess clutched at her hair, and hyperventilated.
"We messed up. We messed up bad. Let's get outta here!"
Next to her, the monsterslaying(-in-training) half of the duo paid token notice to her fit of panic, deeming it overblown. More interested in reading the writing on the wall, he was thinking of strolling down that way for a better look.
Idly, he retorted, "What's this we business? You're the one who chose the place."
"Excuse you, it was a group decision," Tattletale insisted. "Why aren't you freaking out?"
"No reason to."
"No reason—" She stared at him with wide eyes, and spread her arms to indicate the bone-strewn area.
Okay, yes, the human skeletons picked clean of flesh did worry Jaune, but these hapless souls in all likelihood lacked that wonderful protection called Aura enjoyed by him and Tattletale. What to the locals seemed an insurmountable foe, could well rate as a bump in the road for the pair. If it had to eat, and their surroundings suggested it did, then chances were good it was not a ghost or some other eldritch beings, meaning his sword can kill it dead. In short, the threat level remained inconclusive.
They need not panic yet. Give it five minutes.
"Look at the bones." Jaune gestured at their feet, and sighed as Tattletale skittered away from said remains. "Not the point I was trying to make. Anyway, they're intact so rather than, say, a drake—"
"Whatever it was that ate them can't be very big, because something drake-sized would have crunched the skeletons into pieces. Yeah, I caught that. It's still deadly, don't be dumb."
Funny, that she would claim to have already arrived at the conclusion on her own right after he directed her to the relevant details. The suspicious mind might call her out as being full of it, and Jaune considered doing that just for the possibility of seeing her puff up like an angry cat, though he soon decided against voicing it aloud. He gave better odds of the broken moon putting itself back together before Tattletale admitted that he beat her out on noticing a clue.
"It may be dangerous, but so are we." He tugged at her wrist to get her away from the portal. "Come on, Tattletale. We can't quit on a first impression, it sucks being trapped in the apartment for two days."
"Nnnngh." Tattletale displayed a difficult face, but ultimately she stomped her foot and relented. "Fine! You better not let me die."
"Of course not. Stay behind my shield, and the monster would have to kill me first before it reaches you."
"A-And no training session after we're done here. The moment we come back, I can crash for the rest of the day. Twenty-four hours minimum."
He allowed her that one as a small win, confident in the knowledge that nobody escapes the Nikos's Endless Training Hell (patent pending) for long. The missed exercises would just get tacked onto the next session to double the suffering.
Jaune and Tattletale kept a careful eye on their surroundings as they moved deeper into the cave. The portal had deposited them straight into the lair of the beast, a situation that spelled great risk for them…and perhaps great reward in turn. After all, the stories always say that a monster would have a hoard lying about in their hideout. Jaune's regular scroll swept every corner with its flashlight, searching for a hint of teeth and claws, or riches and items of worth.
By the time they approached the innermost part of the cave, Jaune had revised his stance on folklore. The stories knew jack all on the behavior of real flesh-and-blood monsters. The best they've found were a few coins and flimsy weapons belonging to the scattered victims. Besides that, the lair held only bones, and a message on its wall.
The letters were carved into the very rocks themselves, and Jaune traced a hand over them as he read along. The lines were simple enough. No words of wisdom, they. It seemed to speak of a treasure—heartening news for sure—yet there was a problem to cause him great confusion.
"What I don't understand is this bit. Take a look, Tattletale." He crouched down, and rapped his knuckles under the part he meant. Unlike the rest of the message, it bore a sloppy and uneven script, as if the engraver was in a hurry. "The Castle of…aaaargh?"
"Holy shit."
"No, it says 'Holy Grail'. See?" His hand slid to the relevant section, and tapped each letter on the word. "But that's not my point. Over here—"
"Shut up, I didn't mean—this is talking about—" Tattletale waved her arms wildly. "It's the Holy Grail!"
"That's what I said."
Hm. All that screaming into her hands cannot be healthy.
Once her frustration subsided, Tattletale explained, "The Holy Grail is an artifact from Arthurian legend. It's supposed to be capable of feats like healing fatal wounds or granting eternal youth."
Jaune's jaw dropped. "Holy shit."
"I know!" squealed a vindicated Tattletale. "The kicker? It's mythical. As in, nobody is sure if it even exists. Except according to what's written in front of us, we're in a universe where the legend is real, and I'll just bet that the thing isn't even a simple chalice, but would actually contain the magical properties ascribed to it!"
Astounding. Incredible. This could change everything. He was raring to embark on a quest for the Holy Grail, pronto.
"This is perfect! And we have directions leading straight to its location, in the Castle of…" Jaune trailed off, burgeoning enthusiasm cut short.
Tattletale scratched her cheek, as lost as he. "Right. Yeah. Now what the heck does 'aaaargh' mean?"
She shuffled over to the wall, crouching down next to him to study the end of the text. Her eyes roamed across the rough cave surface, and the minute hints bloomed into a mental rendition of the scene as played out however long ago when the lines were carved by its creator.
At least, that's the way Jaune imagined her detective power working in these types of cases. During the short time they've known each other, her elaborations of the exact mechanics tended to devolve into shameless boasts on it making her super amazingly smart and perceptive, even beyond her normal amazingly smart and perceptive self—her own words—with offers to demonstrate it right that second by ripping out his deepest, darkest secrets if he would pretty please dial [Blank] down. All while sporting an innocent smile and an eager puppy expression on her face at the chance to show off. Needless to say, he had stopped probing for answers.
"The carver was well-educated, and he dabbled in artistic pursuits. Left-handed. 'Holy Grail' is cut deeper in the rocks because he wanted to ensure that it lasts, and the rest of the message was secondary to that. These old traces of blood on the ground below, they're concentrated near the last word and smudged on top of it. He was dying when he did this part. That change to a rough scrawl was due to terror. The abrupt end, something got him—"
Jaune cut in, "So, what, the guy was attacked and he literally wrote down his dying scream? The more I think about it, the more certain I am that this whole deal is a prank."
"I, ah, um…"
Frantically, Tattletale scanned the area for a different interpretation, finding nothing but a need for one of Pietro's Remedy to soothe the resulting headache. She remained adamant, though, perhaps in reluctance to give up on the existence of the Holy Grail, and—between gulps of the medicine—demanded they stay in the cave until she figured out the truth.
"It has to be real," she insisted. "Look around, I wouldn't exactly call it a comedy night mood. The place's full of dead people."
"Our prankster has a grave sense of humor?"
She leveled at him a deadpan stare.
"Sorry," Jaune said, contrite. "This is how I cope with standing in a pile of skeletons. Seriously, though. I don't think spending any more effort on it will do us any good."
Tattletale stuck out her lips in a pout. "But my Grail."
"You mean our Grail, right? Right?"
Her eyes flicked to the side, avoiding him. "Sure, whatever."
This greedy little—
Sighing, Jaune turned on his heels. "Let's just get out of here."
"Hang on! Give me ten minutes—no, five! I can solve it in five!"
She did not solve the mystery of Castle Aaaargh in five or, indeed, ten minutes and Tattletale sulked for the entire trip to the cave mouth.
Along the route, they kept alert, poking and prodding the dim corners for treasure. Unfortunately, the pair met only bones and more bones; the scenery had a theme and was sticking with it. Near the entrance, Jaune peeked over the rocks to the outside, confirming a bleak and barren landscape strewn with, yup, bones.
Turning to Tattletale hiding behind him, he said, "Alright, seems like our nasty beastie roams near the cave too, so if it's not in here, then it's probably out there."
The two of them checked their equipment in preparation for a battle. They traded the sleep darts on their wristbows for steel bolts, with Tattletale arming her crossbow with the same. Since the stimpak supply was running low, he kept the Marketplace app open on the Company scroll, primed to order a new set on short notice.
"Ready? I'm relying on you to be our spotter, Tattletale. We have no idea where this thing is and, well, small monsters sometimes get clever to overcome their disadvantages. I wouldn't put past it to ambush us."
He was not particularly worried, but he won't underestimate the creature either. There's a reason Alpha Beowolves arise on the regular. In a twisted mirror of how animals evolve to survive, the more diminutive Grimm species were prone to spitting out specimens capable of applying unconventional tactics. Weak did not mean harmless.
Then again, the key to beating them was simple. Always maintain a state of awareness. Suspect every tree, bush, and stone. Never overlook a possible threat. By understanding their methods, a Huntsman has nothing to fear from them.
Jaune smirked. Good luck to the Beast of Caerbannog. Whatever tricks it plays, he was ready.
Suddenly, he spotted movement amidst the barren landscape.
"Is that a bunny? It is! Oh no, we have to help it, it's not safe for the poor little guy to be here!"
Jaune rushed out into the open, headed for the fluffy critter that had, against all odds, hopped its way to the center of the monster's territory. Tattletale trailed after him, and something was up with the girl. Her gaze flitted from one detail to the next at an increasingly fast pace, clues snapping together like a jigsaw puzzle to form a quite nonsensical picture.
"What the hell…"
A tug on his shirt got Jaune to slow down.
With eyes peeled for signs of the foul creature they were hunting, he asked, "What's wrong? Do you see the monster? Is it watching us?"
"Yeee–maybe? I think jumping to different universes might have screwed with my powers, because it's on the fritz. It has to be. The tracks on the ground, the bones, the shed fur. Everything's coming together to say that the rabbit is our culprit, that it's the Beast of Caerbannog."
Jaune burst out in laughter. Holding-the-belly, about-to-fall-down-and-roll-on-the-floor laughter. 'On the fritz' was right!
"Q-Quit it! Shut up!" shouted Tattletale, cheeks flushed pink. When he wouldn't stop, she stamped a foot in petulance. A low growl rose from the back of her throat. Seeing that she was a second from exploding on him, Jaune moved to placate her ire.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said, waving a hand to ward her off. "That just hit me out of nowhere, and—" He looked at the rabbit that was turning around due to the commotion, then at Tattletale. "Come on, you can't tell me that wasn't hilarious. Lookit the lil' guy. Look how cute he is—AHHH! AHHH!"
"Holyfuckingshitwhatthehell!"
Yelling and stumbling, Jaune pulled at the thing that had clamped its fangs on his neck, while it—whatever it was—tried to rip his throat out. Pointy teeth screeched against Aura, and the pain was unlike anything he could ever imagine, constant and crushing.
A crossbow bolt from Tattletale flashed across the short space, and in his flailing it struck him square on the cheek.
"Oh god, stop moving!"
"AHHHH!" was his intelligent and levelheaded response.
A second bolt launched forth, whiffing empty air as Jaune's assailant dove off of him at the last instant to avoid the attack. Jaune managed to get one good look at it before the creature bounded away to disappear amidst the pale bones of past victims.
He saw soft white fur. Two long ears. A cottonball tail.
The rabbit.
"I-I…I can't believe you were right!"
"I told you so!"
"The Beast of Caerbannog is a bunny!"
"I tooold yooou soooo! But did you listen? No, no you didn't. Instead, let's laugh at Tattletale even though she's right and will always be ri—ohmigod it's coming after me!"
Jaune wrapped an arm around Tattletale's waist and spun her out of the path of the killer rabbit speeding along the ground. In her place, his foot greeted the creature to punt it into the distance.
Sadly, that was not enough to end the fight. A midair twist, and it landed on its feet, facing them. Eyes full of hate and malice glared at the pair, promising that it will feast upon their flesh. When Jaune took a step towards it, the rabbit went skittering off into concealment again.
"Tattletale!"
She read his intention from that one word.
"Got it."
Their backs met. Jaune and Tattletale faced opposite directions to cover each other's blindspots, and as the latter reloaded her weapon, he brandished his wristbow, slowly sweeping the arm across the landscape. From one side, to the other, doing his best not to blink.
Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.
"That bunny hasn't given up," he warned.
Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.
Something flickered at the corner of his vision, and he snapped his head that way. A patch of dirt showed signs of having been disturbed, but their foe was nowhere in view.
"Coward. It's hiding."
"No," Tattletale refuted. Her eyes were wide, panicked. "It's hunting."
Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.
An abrupt clattering sound drew their attention. Tattletale fired, hitting a rolling skull and shattering it to pieces. No bunny.
Rather than risking distraction by arming another bolt, she slung the crossbow on her belt, and began sighting down her own wristbow.
Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.
"It's here!" Fwip. "Crap. Jaune. JauneJauneJaune!"
He swung his wristbow around. Fwip. The steel bolt impaled the earth, missing his target by an inch. The rabbit traced a zigzagging route, a blur of white ever shortening the gap between it and them. Within three yards it leapt for Tattletale, mouth stretched open to chomp on her face.
It found his arm blocking, instead, and the pulverizing force of its bite tore chunks of Aura out of him. Screaming through his teeth, he weathered the attack to raise his sword high for a decisive blow.
Those beady eyes noticed the descending blade, and released his arm. Landing, it bounced off the ground to jump at his belly now. His newly deployed shield turned it aside in the nick of time, prompting the rabbit to try again from a new direction.
Little bunny feet smacked on the earth, on him, on his shield, even on his sword at angles that avoided the edge, letting the rabbit zip from place to place, and Jaune quickly grew frustrated with the battle. He was dealing with a damn pinball, one relentless in its attempts to latch onto his weakpoints. Face, throat, groin, no spot was off-limits.
Despite this, he wore a smirk, because he enjoyed an advantage it cannot match. Jaune Arc did not fight alone.
"Caught you!" crowed Tattletale in victory, her hands clasping on either side of the rabbit. She had waited on the periphery for a chance, and seized the moment when the creature faced the wrong way to spring her trap, diving on top of it at the same time as it made a landing. Still lying in the dirt, she turned her head to meet his gaze. "Hahaha! Jaune, check it out, I caught the stupid thing!"
With a sudden and inexplicable jerk, she slid a full inch across the ground.
"Eh? Why is it so strong? Wait. No. AAAAAaaahhh—" Her voice faded in the distance. A beat later, Jaune broke into a sprint, chasing after the rabbit that was zooming away with his partner in tow.
"Tattletale, let go of the bunny!"
"Hell no! I don't wanna die!"
Right. That was dumb of him. When riding a Giant Nevermore, the worst course of action a person could take was to hop off. That went double here, since the 'Giant Nevermore' in this equation would hop right back over to maul her face.
Yet, soon, the choice was taken out of her hands. The clever beast adjusted course to aim for a rock jutting up from the ground, and it easily bounded above the obstacle. Tattletale—being a tad heavier than a rodent—failed to gain a single nanosecond of lift or air time, and so slammed her face against the cold, hard stone. The rabbit slipped unopposed through her fingers.
As predicted, it looped back to exact revenge. Or it was just hungry, and thought her a snack. Either way, Jaune interposed himself between the two, shield up and blade swinging.
A duel of monumental skill and willpower ensued to shake the foundation of the world. The rabbit, that ferocious beast, used its size advantage to duck and weave past Jaune's attacks. In turn, Jaune brought forth his full technological and magical prowess in an effort to match this foe.
His wild slashes kept it at bay. It recognized the threat and baited a downward stab, running up the flat of the blade to bite the fingers. And thus, Jaune lost a sword in the middle of the battle.
Thinking him helpless, it stayed in close range. He disabused it of the notion by winding up and slapping it with his shield in a two-handed grip. It tried to play off the impact, but Jaune could tell that that had hurt and he pressed the offensive, launching [Third Arm] to grab the rabbit. The thing ate its way through the palm, the lack of Aura in the limb working against Jaune there, and landed on all fours. They traded glares from across the way, and charged once more into the fray. Again and again, they clashed.
And then, the stars aligned. Jaune achieved a moment of clarity right as the rabbit lunged for his nose.
His left hand, he tossed his shield aside and his right, he offered to the rabbit, jamming the fingers into its mouth and hooking behind the teeth. The thing realized its mistake as it bit down.
Jaune smiled through the pain. He had it now.
The rabbit first gnawed on the fingers in an attempt to sever them. When that failed, it opened its mouth wide to try and release him. Too late, Jaune seized the scruff of its neck with his free hand before it could escape. Without purchase for its feet or range of motion to get its teeth on him, the maddened beast flailed and raged in utter futility. Shrill squeals rang out across the clearing.
Tattletale climbed to her feet, hands rubbing at her reddening nose. "Owwwie…Is it over?"
"Yeah. This bunny's going nowhere."
Going on tippy toes, she peeked over his shoulder, and brightened as she saw what he held. Even in the throes of fury, the rabbit meeped at the fox in human form grinning at it from above.
"My, my, my," she said, slinking around Jaune for a better look. "How the tables have turned. The Beast of Caerbannog doesn't seem so tough anymore, huh? Poor you~ "
She wiggled a finger in front of the rabbit, and laughed as it clacked its teeth to no avail.
"Careful," Jaune cautioned. "It's a tricky one. Don't let your guard down."
"Nihihi, I know. Good work, Jaune." She then started bouncing her toes, overwhelmed by a rising good mood. "Oh man, oh wow, now we're free to go find the Grail!"
"About that." Jaune winced as Tattletale detected the bad news in his tone, and whirled on him.
"W-What? What's wrong?"
"Well, the event of this Instance is called 'The Beast of Caerbannog'. It revolves around the bunny. Since we've beaten it, the event should probably end soon. Remember Dunwall?"
As in, the place that almost met with some unknown catastrophe had they stayed any longer. If he had to guess, either the portal was spilling over to consume the world, or it was about to tear a hole out of the Dishonored universe as the two realms separate. Whichever fate, Jaune rather doubted they'd survive.
Tattletale cupped a palm under her chin, and mulled on the problem.
"Maybe it's fine so long as the crazy thing is still alive?" she suggested.
"We didn't burn down the Golden Cat yet we still had to leave. Besides, the search could take weeks or months. Too long for me to feel safe keeping it nearby."
"Erk. Okay, fair. Let me think." She fell quiet for a while, biting her nails as she searched her thoughts for an answer. Increasingly, an air of despondency grew and grew to cast a shadow over the girl.
In the end, Jaune was greeted by a familiar pout.
"But my Grail."
He patted Tattletale on the back, soothing her as he said, "Chances are that it's fake, anyway. Come on, let's go home."
"'Kay…"
"Just let me take care of this first. Heh, you ever had rabbit before? We might not get any loot from this universe, but at least we're eating good tonight."
At that, Tattletale's head jerked up. "Wait!"
"What? Don't tell me you want me to release the damn thing. It'll kill us if we give it an opportunity."
"No, not that. Absolutely do not let it go," agreed Tattletale, before she plunged a hand into his pocket.
"Whoa, hey. Personal space, lady."
She ignored him, rummaging around until she fished out the Company scroll. A few quick taps led to the items page, where she checked the list of his possessions, and Jaune started to understand what she was doing. Lo and behold, under the other entries there now read a new line. A click, and an image of the exact same rabbit in his hand appeared on the screen. In fact, he could see his thumb in the picture.
The Beast of Caerbannog
Universe: Monty Python
Scientific Name: Annihilatus adorabilus
The most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you'll ever set eyes on. It can kill. Has killed. Would kill again. This is one bunny that will never get bullied.
The cutest death watches the world, and desires that everything ends.
Terrifying. Although, the selling price…
Tattletale let out a squee.
"Nice!" Jaune lifted the rabbit up before his face. In light of recent news, the snarling visage almost looked cute to him. "Who's my homicidal money bag? You are. You're my fuzzy-wuzzy homicidal money bag!"
Demand existed for fluffy apocalyptic beasts. Who knew.
Someone, somewhere, wanted this thing. Jaune wasn't sure whether that's as a pet, or as a lethal bioweapon, but they were willing to pay top Lien to acquire it. High enough that Jaune can follow that fashionable trend of turning small animals into purses, and transform the Beast of Caerbannog into the first level of [Dimensional Pockets] to carry future loot in.
What problems could this cause, really?
And so, Jaune and Tattletale walked through to another universe with an adorable murderbeast in hand, leaving behind an empty cave, a man's nonsensical last message, and a soon-to-be very confused king and his retinue. The portal blinked out after them.
…
…
"Oh gods, the bunny got loose!"
"Why is it only going after meeeee—" *SLAM* , *click*
"...Tattletale? LISA!? Let me hide in the bathroom too, don't trap me out here with it!"
Author's Note: Here's one of those 'shorter episodes' I wanted to do, and that Dark Souls turned out to be anything but. A world that Tattletale can bend into a pretzel, a world in which Jaune can shine, and now a world where they both find out how weird the multiverse can get no matter what their abilities are.
.
Awww, Lisa is sharing...pay no mind to the fact that she can now access 400 Points instead of 250 Points. I'm sure that's coincidental.
.
And so the truth comes out. Lisa Wilbourn has not watched Monty Python. Awful. Disgusting. Worst girl.
.
From Christmas to the end of January, I will be off to explore new lands!...that other people have been to, and settled, and built countries on. Anyway, it's rather hard to say how updates will go, but this will for sure get me a few ideas for writing.
Crude of make, yet filled with adoration, the effigy somewhat resembled its creator, dyed in the colors of white, red, and gold. Set to face the direction from which the sun rises, one would swear that it shone with a faint glimmer in the early morning light.
(This was, of course, its highest and best use. As a piece of decor.)
The Company scroll, too, did sparkle under the sun as Jaune held it aloft in victory. On the screen was displayed a most beautiful message, 'Item(s) Sold', along with a Points balance. A positive Points balance.
Hark. Take heed. Listen up, world, and tremble, for Jaune Arc has gotten himself out of debt.
"Soooo…" began Lisa, neither harkening nor heeding.
"Hang on, let me enjoy the moment."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"This might go on for a while," he cautioned her.
His adventure in Lordran turned out pretty great, all told. It had its ups, it had its down, and in the end the results warranted celebration.
First off, nobody died—well, besides Solaire, but he got better. Meanwhile, the drake sword had put him back in the black, with the channeler trident adding a surplus.
Sure, it may just mean he was occupying a spot a shade better than prior financial-wise, with bankruptcy two steps away instead of one, and he still could afford very little of note for the time being (and definitely no rocket boots). Those were secondary concerns to the fact that he had done what he set out to do. Taken, traded, and earned. He deserved this.
The gloating took another six minutes, thereabout. Long enough that when Jaune left the window and returned to his seat at the dining table, Lisa had had time to drain her coffee mug, and to steal his, too.
…He should take offense at the blatant act of theft, but really, he was more worried about her, because while he loved his caffeine same as many, two cups first thing in the morning sounded a tad unhealthy. From the way she lapped up the drink, plus the fleeting glances she sent towards the coffee pot, Lisa sneered at such weak-minded views and had every intention to go for a third cup.
Note to self, check the Marketplace for addiction cures.
He coughed to get her attention. "Hey, I'm ready. What were you going to talk about?"
And what was there to talk about? The next location? Or maybe another futile discussion on their training regime, wherein Lisa begs for fewer push-ups?
"Oh, it's nothing big!" said Lisa with a bright smile. She set aside the sheaf of notes she was reviewing and (much more reluctantly) let go of the coffee mug, putting her hands in her lap. Then, seeming to change her mind, she placed both hands on the table, clasped together. "I just thought I'd ask how you're coming along with the scrolls."
Immediately, Jaune groaned. One hand came up to rub his temple.
"Why did you have to remind me of that?" His suffering got a giggle from her. Because of course it did.
"Weeeell, you were the one who yesterday said we should keep and study them. Ready to quit yet? You could sell them for a mint."
A dirty look was his answer to her. "You might have thrown in the towel, but I'll figure this out. Watch me."
"If you say so~" She singsonged.
"I do!"
Except, half a night of trying to make heads or tails of the two scrolls given by Solaire said otherwise.
Lightning Spear and Great Heal. Offense and recovery. The Knight of Sunlight bestowed upon them quite a gift, and Jaune had been looking forward to wielding such deep, arcane wisdoms as tossing electricity from his hands and skipping a medical degree, right up until he discovered that the documents read more like two sheets of hymns than the instruction manuals he expected. As far as he could tell, from a combination of the item descriptions in the Company scroll and Lisa reasoning it out, the process involved a person internalizing the flowery chants written on the pages to the point that they can recite them from memory. It's a rather daunting task for someone like him whose preferences ran to the comic book side in terms of literature.
Too daunting, perhaps.
"...You sure you don't want to give it another shot, Lisa?"
She scoffed. "Don't look at me, you're the one who's apparently holding conversations with a dark god."
Jaune groaned again, because therein laid the real kicker to this whole affair. Solaire's brand of sorcery was not considered sorcery. No, they were miracles, deriving power from faith just as the knight told them. And faith came easy for a man who adored the sun, in addition to worshiping the Lord of Sunlight.
Less so, for Jaune. He knew for a fact that higher beings were out there. One of them sublet from him. He also has obtained firsthand experience that the Outsider was kind of a jerk, and the idea of singing earnest praises to the black-eyed man evoked nothing but the sense that he needed a cleansing shower for thinking it.
"It would not work anyway."
"Did you say something?"
"Uhhhh, no, I was being quiet. Surprising, I know."
"Guess it was my imagination. In any case, I want to keep trying with these spells. One's devastating as an attack, the other could save our lives. They're too useful to throw out so soon."
Propping her chin on a hand, Lisa gave a noncommittal hum. "It all still sounds like hocus-pocus to me." She rolled her eyes, and cut Jaune off before he could speak. "Yeah, yeah, magic exists. I get it. You understand how annoying the requirements are, though, right? There's either, one, finding a person who already has it to unlock it for you. Two, meeting an extradimensional entity that supposedly found you interesting." Her tone betrayed a great measure of doubt that anybody would think him in particular to be fascinating. Jaune stuck out his tongue at her in response and, cheekily, she did the same back to him. "Or three, you have to become a monk. Contrast that with tinkertech, which needs what to activate, again? A click of a button.''
"Unless we chance on the correct worlds, tinkertech costs Points," Jaune reminded her.
The chair legs screeched against the floor, as Lisa abruptly shifted in her seat to lean closer. "Hey, about that. Since you brought it up, I was thinking, we have a bit of scratch in the bank now so it might be good to, ya know, decide how to handle those Points."
Was it him, or was that shift in topic a tad sudden? Thrown for a loop, Jaune flip-flopped between his previous train of thought and this new matter, and settled on, "You wanted to save up, you told me."
"No, no, we're not spending it, that wasn't what I meant," Lisa was quick to agree. Jaune glanced down to see one of her fingers rapidly tapping on the table surface. "I'm just saying that back in the Undersiders, my old team, we normally use the time right after we get paid to divvy it among the group. It's standard procedure, that's all."
Oh.
Oh!
Jaune smacked his forehead. "I completely forgot! Sorry, let me—"
The Company scroll lacked a feature to split the Points amount, so he snagged a spare piece of paper from Lisa's notes along with a pencil—Dunwall's fountain pens tended to leave messy splotches. His name went on one side, Tattletale's on the opposite. Below each, he wrote their respective share of the current balance. 250 Points for him, 250 Points for her.
"And there we are." He turned the paper for Lisa to see.
A smile flitted across her face, vanishing as soon as it arrived. The tension she had tightly held inside up until this point became apparent in its release, with Lisa sagging against the backrest of her chair.
As her mood rose, so did Jaune's sink like a stone.
How honest, her reaction. It revealed the cheery mien she plastered on earlier to be but a facade. She had been wary of him the whole time. That he would cheat her, and renege on their deal.
Was he so untrustworthy? After everything thus far? A wince almost slipped out before Jaune schooled his expression to a mask of friendliness, relying on Lisa's inability to read past [Blank] to hide the pang of hurt that surfaced at the notion she believed him a person who would act in bad faith.
It worked, and in her giddiness, Lisa missed the bout of turmoil altogether. The oblivious girl was preoccupied with the two simple figures on the page, spending far longer than necessary studying them to her satisfaction. Then, with a nod, she sprang from her seat to tug the pencil from his grip, and pulled the piece of paper closer to her side of the table.
"What are you doing?" He leaned forward for a better look. "Is my math wrong?"
"Don't worry, I'm just making a few teeny tiny changes~"
She started with crossing out the numbers he wrote, and scribbling down new ones beneath those. 100 Points for him, 100 Points for her. Lisa then added a new column in the middle of their names…
Jaune snapped his head up, meeting green eyes. The sour mood faded to the back of his mind, and he couldn't quite help a grin, though it failed to match that foxlike smirk of hers.
300 Points. Marked down under 'Joint Funds'.
"Weren't we doing a fifty-fifty split?" he asked.
"Tsk tsk tsk." Lisa wagged her finger. "That's too short-sighted a way of looking at it, Jaune. When working together, we have to prioritize the long-term success of the group." She used the pencil to tap on his name. "The balance on your side is your private share. You can spend it however you like, no questions asked."
"And the middle number—"
"Will serve as our operating budget and go towards mutual expenses, or purchases that improve the odds for our little venture. It blurs the line of yours and mine, but lets us get a bit of flexibility. So, what do you think of my setup?"
From her carefree tone, she already guessed his response. It required no great leap of logic, not when he was nearly bouncing out of his seat—with a good possibility of then breaking into song and dance.
What a beautiful notion, this elegant solution. Trust in return for trust, and thus the two of them will both claw a path to the top.
"I like it. You've got a brilliant idea here, Lisa!"
We can actually make it work, Jaune thought. This could be a real team.
The girl made a show of buffing her nails, thoroughly smug. "Mmhm, I know. Feel free to keep saying it as much as you want. Although…" She glanced back at him. "These are some awfully skimpy numbers. How about we make them go higher?"
"Time for another trip? It sounds as though you have a destination in mind."
"I might have taken a peek at the list. Ummm." She fidgeted, growing shy. "My power might turn out kind of limited there. You really don't mind that, right?"
"I never would," he assured her with a laugh.
She brightened. "Good! Because this is one that's right up your alley, Mister Monster Slayer."
-o-
In a fetid cave filled with the bones of men, beasts, and other unnamed things, a supervillainess clutched at her hair, and hyperventilated.
"We messed up. We messed up bad. Let's get outta here!"
Next to her, the monsterslaying(-in-training) half of the duo paid token notice to her fit of panic, deeming it overblown. More interested in reading the writing on the wall, he was thinking of strolling down that way for a better look.
Idly, he retorted, "What's this we business? You're the one who chose the place."
"Excuse you, it was a group decision," Tattletale insisted. "Why aren't you freaking out?"
"No reason to."
"No reason—" She stared at him with wide eyes, and spread her arms to indicate the bone-strewn area.
Okay, yes, the human skeletons picked clean of flesh did worry Jaune, but these hapless souls in all likelihood lacked that wonderful protection called Aura enjoyed by him and Tattletale. What to the locals seemed an insurmountable foe, could well rate as a bump in the road for the pair. If it had to eat, and their surroundings suggested it did, then chances were good it was not a ghost or some other eldritch beings, meaning his sword can kill it dead. In short, the threat level remained inconclusive.
They need not panic yet. Give it five minutes.
"Look at the bones." Jaune gestured at their feet, and sighed as Tattletale skittered away from said remains. "Not the point I was trying to make. Anyway, they're intact so rather than, say, a drake—"
"Whatever it was that ate them can't be very big, because something drake-sized would have crunched the skeletons into pieces. Yeah, I caught that. It's still deadly, don't be dumb."
Funny, that she would claim to have already arrived at the conclusion on her own right after he directed her to the relevant details. The suspicious mind might call her out as being full of it, and Jaune considered doing that just for the possibility of seeing her puff up like an angry cat, though he soon decided against voicing it aloud. He gave better odds of the broken moon putting itself back together before Tattletale admitted that he beat her out on noticing a clue.
"It may be dangerous, but so are we." He tugged at her wrist to get her away from the portal. "Come on, Tattletale. We can't quit on a first impression, it sucks being trapped in the apartment for two days."
"Nnnngh." Tattletale displayed a difficult face, but ultimately she stomped her foot and relented. "Fine! You better not let me die."
"Of course not. Stay behind my shield, and the monster would have to kill me first before it reaches you."
"A-And no training session after we're done here. The moment we come back, I can crash for the rest of the day. Twenty-four hours minimum."
He allowed her that one as a small win, confident in the knowledge that nobody escapes the Nikos's Endless Training Hell (patent pending) for long. The missed exercises would just get tacked onto the next session to double the suffering.
Jaune and Tattletale kept a careful eye on their surroundings as they moved deeper into the cave. The portal had deposited them straight into the lair of the beast, a situation that spelled great risk for them…and perhaps great reward in turn. After all, the stories always say that a monster would have a hoard lying about in their hideout. Jaune's regular scroll swept every corner with its flashlight, searching for a hint of teeth and claws, or riches and items of worth.
By the time they approached the innermost part of the cave, Jaune had revised his stance on folklore. The stories knew jack all on the behavior of real flesh-and-blood monsters. The best they've found were a few coins and flimsy weapons belonging to the scattered victims. Besides that, the lair held only bones, and a message on its wall.
The letters were carved into the very rocks themselves, and Jaune traced a hand over them as he read along. The lines were simple enough. No words of wisdom, they. It seemed to speak of a treasure—heartening news for sure—yet there was a problem to cause him great confusion.
"What I don't understand is this bit. Take a look, Tattletale." He crouched down, and rapped his knuckles under the part he meant. Unlike the rest of the message, it bore a sloppy and uneven script, as if the engraver was in a hurry. "The Castle of…aaaargh?"
"Holy shit."
"No, it says 'Holy Grail'. See?" His hand slid to the relevant section, and tapped each letter on the word. "But that's not my point. Over here—"
"Shut up, I didn't mean—this is talking about—" Tattletale waved her arms wildly. "It's the Holy Grail!"
"That's what I said."
Hm. All that screaming into her hands cannot be healthy.
Once her frustration subsided, Tattletale explained, "The Holy Grail is an artifact from Arthurian legend. It's supposed to be capable of feats like healing fatal wounds or granting eternal youth."
Jaune's jaw dropped. "Holy shit."
"I know!" squealed a vindicated Tattletale. "The kicker? It's mythical. As in, nobody is sure if it even exists. Except according to what's written in front of us, we're in a universe where the legend is real, and I'll just bet that the thing isn't even a simple chalice, but would actually contain the magical properties ascribed to it!"
Astounding. Incredible. This could change everything. He was raring to embark on a quest for the Holy Grail, pronto.
"This is perfect! And we have directions leading straight to its location, in the Castle of…" Jaune trailed off, burgeoning enthusiasm cut short.
Tattletale scratched her cheek, as lost as he. "Right. Yeah. Now what the heck does 'aaaargh' mean?"
She shuffled over to the wall, crouching down next to him to study the end of the text. Her eyes roamed across the rough cave surface, and the minute hints bloomed into a mental rendition of the scene as played out however long ago when the lines were carved by its creator.
At least, that's the way Jaune imagined her detective power working in these types of cases. During the short time they've known each other, her elaborations of the exact mechanics tended to devolve into shameless boasts on it making her super amazingly smart and perceptive, even beyond her normal amazingly smart and perceptive self—her own words—with offers to demonstrate it right that second by ripping out his deepest, darkest secrets if he would pretty please dial [Blank] down. All while sporting an innocent smile and an eager puppy expression on her face at the chance to show off. Needless to say, he had stopped probing for answers.
"The carver was well-educated, and he dabbled in artistic pursuits. Left-handed. 'Holy Grail' is cut deeper in the rocks because he wanted to ensure that it lasts, and the rest of the message was secondary to that. These old traces of blood on the ground below, they're concentrated near the last word and smudged on top of it. He was dying when he did this part. That change to a rough scrawl was due to terror. The abrupt end, something got him—"
Jaune cut in, "So, what, the guy was attacked and he literally wrote down his dying scream? The more I think about it, the more certain I am that this whole deal is a prank."
"I, ah, um…"
Frantically, Tattletale scanned the area for a different interpretation, finding nothing but a need for one of Pietro's Remedy to soothe the resulting headache. She remained adamant, though, perhaps in reluctance to give up on the existence of the Holy Grail, and—between gulps of the medicine—demanded they stay in the cave until she figured out the truth.
"It has to be real," she insisted. "Look around, I wouldn't exactly call it a comedy night mood. The place's full of dead people."
"Our prankster has a grave sense of humor?"
She leveled at him a deadpan stare.
"Sorry," Jaune said, contrite. "This is how I cope with standing in a pile of skeletons. Seriously, though. I don't think spending any more effort on it will do us any good."
Tattletale stuck out her lips in a pout. "But my Grail."
"You mean our Grail, right? Right?"
Her eyes flicked to the side, avoiding him. "Sure, whatever."
This greedy little—
Sighing, Jaune turned on his heels. "Let's just get out of here."
"Hang on! Give me ten minutes—no, five! I can solve it in five!"
She did not solve the mystery of Castle Aaaargh in five or, indeed, ten minutes and Tattletale sulked for the entire trip to the cave mouth.
Along the route, they kept alert, poking and prodding the dim corners for treasure. Unfortunately, the pair met only bones and more bones; the scenery had a theme and was sticking with it. Near the entrance, Jaune peeked over the rocks to the outside, confirming a bleak and barren landscape strewn with, yup, bones.
Turning to Tattletale hiding behind him, he said, "Alright, seems like our nasty beastie roams near the cave too, so if it's not in here, then it's probably out there."
The two of them checked their equipment in preparation for a battle. They traded the sleep darts on their wristbows for steel bolts, with Tattletale arming her crossbow with the same. Since the stimpak supply was running low, he kept the Marketplace app open on the Company scroll, primed to order a new set on short notice.
"Ready? I'm relying on you to be our spotter, Tattletale. We have no idea where this thing is and, well, small monsters sometimes get clever to overcome their disadvantages. I wouldn't put past it to ambush us."
He was not particularly worried, but he won't underestimate the creature either. There's a reason Alpha Beowolves arise on the regular. In a twisted mirror of how animals evolve to survive, the more diminutive Grimm species were prone to spitting out specimens capable of applying unconventional tactics. Weak did not mean harmless.
Then again, the key to beating them was simple. Always maintain a state of awareness. Suspect every tree, bush, and stone. Never overlook a possible threat. By understanding their methods, a Huntsman has nothing to fear from them.
Jaune smirked. Good luck to the Beast of Caerbannog. Whatever tricks it plays, he was ready.
Suddenly, he spotted movement amidst the barren landscape.
"Is that a bunny? It is! Oh no, we have to help it, it's not safe for the poor little guy to be here!"
Jaune rushed out into the open, headed for the fluffy critter that had, against all odds, hopped its way to the center of the monster's territory. Tattletale trailed after him, and something was up with the girl. Her gaze flitted from one detail to the next at an increasingly fast pace, clues snapping together like a jigsaw puzzle to form a quite nonsensical picture.
"What the hell…"
A tug on his shirt got Jaune to slow down.
With eyes peeled for signs of the foul creature they were hunting, he asked, "What's wrong? Do you see the monster? Is it watching us?"
"Yeee–maybe? I think jumping to different universes might have screwed with my powers, because it's on the fritz. It has to be. The tracks on the ground, the bones, the shed fur. Everything's coming together to say that the rabbit is our culprit, that it's the Beast of Caerbannog."
Jaune burst out in laughter. Holding-the-belly, about-to-fall-down-and-roll-on-the-floor laughter. 'On the fritz' was right!
"Q-Quit it! Shut up!" shouted Tattletale, cheeks flushed pink. When he wouldn't stop, she stamped a foot in petulance. A low growl rose from the back of her throat. Seeing that she was a second from exploding on him, Jaune moved to placate her ire.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said, waving a hand to ward her off. "That just hit me out of nowhere, and—" He looked at the rabbit that was turning around due to the commotion, then at Tattletale. "Come on, you can't tell me that wasn't hilarious. Lookit the lil' guy. Look how cute he is—AHHH! AHHH!"
"Holyfuckingshitwhatthehell!"
Yelling and stumbling, Jaune pulled at the thing that had clamped its fangs on his neck, while it—whatever it was—tried to rip his throat out. Pointy teeth screeched against Aura, and the pain was unlike anything he could ever imagine, constant and crushing.
A crossbow bolt from Tattletale flashed across the short space, and in his flailing it struck him square on the cheek.
"Oh god, stop moving!"
"AHHHH!" was his intelligent and levelheaded response.
A second bolt launched forth, whiffing empty air as Jaune's assailant dove off of him at the last instant to avoid the attack. Jaune managed to get one good look at it before the creature bounded away to disappear amidst the pale bones of past victims.
He saw soft white fur. Two long ears. A cottonball tail.
The rabbit.
"I-I…I can't believe you were right!"
"I told you so!"
"The Beast of Caerbannog is a bunny!"
"I tooold yooou soooo! But did you listen? No, no you didn't. Instead, let's laugh at Tattletale even though she's right and will always be ri—ohmigod it's coming after me!"
Jaune wrapped an arm around Tattletale's waist and spun her out of the path of the killer rabbit speeding along the ground. In her place, his foot greeted the creature to punt it into the distance.
Sadly, that was not enough to end the fight. A midair twist, and it landed on its feet, facing them. Eyes full of hate and malice glared at the pair, promising that it will feast upon their flesh. When Jaune took a step towards it, the rabbit went skittering off into concealment again.
"Tattletale!"
She read his intention from that one word.
"Got it."
Their backs met. Jaune and Tattletale faced opposite directions to cover each other's blindspots, and as the latter reloaded her weapon, he brandished his wristbow, slowly sweeping the arm across the landscape. From one side, to the other, doing his best not to blink.
Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.
"That bunny hasn't given up," he warned.
Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.
Something flickered at the corner of his vision, and he snapped his head that way. A patch of dirt showed signs of having been disturbed, but their foe was nowhere in view.
"Coward. It's hiding."
"No," Tattletale refuted. Her eyes were wide, panicked. "It's hunting."
Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.
An abrupt clattering sound drew their attention. Tattletale fired, hitting a rolling skull and shattering it to pieces. No bunny.
Rather than risking distraction by arming another bolt, she slung the crossbow on her belt, and began sighting down her own wristbow.
Shuffle. Shuffle. Shuffle.
"It's here!" Fwip. "Crap. Jaune. JauneJauneJaune!"
He swung his wristbow around. Fwip. The steel bolt impaled the earth, missing his target by an inch. The rabbit traced a zigzagging route, a blur of white ever shortening the gap between it and them. Within three yards it leapt for Tattletale, mouth stretched open to chomp on her face.
It found his arm blocking, instead, and the pulverizing force of its bite tore chunks of Aura out of him. Screaming through his teeth, he weathered the attack to raise his sword high for a decisive blow.
Those beady eyes noticed the descending blade, and released his arm. Landing, it bounced off the ground to jump at his belly now. His newly deployed shield turned it aside in the nick of time, prompting the rabbit to try again from a new direction.
Little bunny feet smacked on the earth, on him, on his shield, even on his sword at angles that avoided the edge, letting the rabbit zip from place to place, and Jaune quickly grew frustrated with the battle. He was dealing with a damn pinball, one relentless in its attempts to latch onto his weakpoints. Face, throat, groin, no spot was off-limits.
Despite this, he wore a smirk, because he enjoyed an advantage it cannot match. Jaune Arc did not fight alone.
"Caught you!" crowed Tattletale in victory, her hands clasping on either side of the rabbit. She had waited on the periphery for a chance, and seized the moment when the creature faced the wrong way to spring her trap, diving on top of it at the same time as it made a landing. Still lying in the dirt, she turned her head to meet his gaze. "Hahaha! Jaune, check it out, I caught the stupid thing!"
With a sudden and inexplicable jerk, she slid a full inch across the ground.
"Eh? Why is it so strong? Wait. No. AAAAAaaahhh—" Her voice faded in the distance. A beat later, Jaune broke into a sprint, chasing after the rabbit that was zooming away with his partner in tow.
"Tattletale, let go of the bunny!"
"Hell no! I don't wanna die!"
Right. That was dumb of him. When riding a Giant Nevermore, the worst course of action a person could take was to hop off. That went double here, since the 'Giant Nevermore' in this equation would hop right back over to maul her face.
Yet, soon, the choice was taken out of her hands. The clever beast adjusted course to aim for a rock jutting up from the ground, and it easily bounded above the obstacle. Tattletale—being a tad heavier than a rodent—failed to gain a single nanosecond of lift or air time, and so slammed her face against the cold, hard stone. The rabbit slipped unopposed through her fingers.
As predicted, it looped back to exact revenge. Or it was just hungry, and thought her a snack. Either way, Jaune interposed himself between the two, shield up and blade swinging.
A duel of monumental skill and willpower ensued to shake the foundation of the world. The rabbit, that ferocious beast, used its size advantage to duck and weave past Jaune's attacks. In turn, Jaune brought forth his full technological and magical prowess in an effort to match this foe.
His wild slashes kept it at bay. It recognized the threat and baited a downward stab, running up the flat of the blade to bite the fingers. And thus, Jaune lost a sword in the middle of the battle.
Thinking him helpless, it stayed in close range. He disabused it of the notion by winding up and slapping it with his shield in a two-handed grip. It tried to play off the impact, but Jaune could tell that that had hurt and he pressed the offensive, launching [Third Arm] to grab the rabbit. The thing ate its way through the palm, the lack of Aura in the limb working against Jaune there, and landed on all fours. They traded glares from across the way, and charged once more into the fray. Again and again, they clashed.
And then, the stars aligned. Jaune achieved a moment of clarity right as the rabbit lunged for his nose.
His left hand, he tossed his shield aside and his right, he offered to the rabbit, jamming the fingers into its mouth and hooking behind the teeth. The thing realized its mistake as it bit down.
Jaune smiled through the pain. He had it now.
The rabbit first gnawed on the fingers in an attempt to sever them. When that failed, it opened its mouth wide to try and release him. Too late, Jaune seized the scruff of its neck with his free hand before it could escape. Without purchase for its feet or range of motion to get its teeth on him, the maddened beast flailed and raged in utter futility. Shrill squeals rang out across the clearing.
Tattletale climbed to her feet, hands rubbing at her reddening nose. "Owwwie…Is it over?"
"Yeah. This bunny's going nowhere."
Going on tippy toes, she peeked over his shoulder, and brightened as she saw what he held. Even in the throes of fury, the rabbit meeped at the fox in human form grinning at it from above.
"My, my, my," she said, slinking around Jaune for a better look. "How the tables have turned. The Beast of Caerbannog doesn't seem so tough anymore, huh? Poor you~ "
She wiggled a finger in front of the rabbit, and laughed as it clacked its teeth to no avail.
"Careful," Jaune cautioned. "It's a tricky one. Don't let your guard down."
"Nihihi, I know. Good work, Jaune." She then started bouncing her toes, overwhelmed by a rising good mood. "Oh man, oh wow, now we're free to go find the Grail!"
"About that." Jaune winced as Tattletale detected the bad news in his tone, and whirled on him.
"W-What? What's wrong?"
"Well, the event of this Instance is called 'The Beast of Caerbannog'. It revolves around the bunny. Since we've beaten it, the event should probably end soon. Remember Dunwall?"
As in, the place that almost met with some unknown catastrophe had they stayed any longer. If he had to guess, either the portal was spilling over to consume the world, or it was about to tear a hole out of the Dishonored universe as the two realms separate. Whichever fate, Jaune rather doubted they'd survive.
Tattletale cupped a palm under her chin, and mulled on the problem.
"Maybe it's fine so long as the crazy thing is still alive?" she suggested.
"We didn't burn down the Golden Cat yet we still had to leave. Besides, the search could take weeks or months. Too long for me to feel safe keeping it nearby."
"Erk. Okay, fair. Let me think." She fell quiet for a while, biting her nails as she searched her thoughts for an answer. Increasingly, an air of despondency grew and grew to cast a shadow over the girl.
In the end, Jaune was greeted by a familiar pout.
"But my Grail."
He patted Tattletale on the back, soothing her as he said, "Chances are that it's fake, anyway. Come on, let's go home."
"'Kay…"
"Just let me take care of this first. Heh, you ever had rabbit before? We might not get any loot from this universe, but at least we're eating good tonight."
At that, Tattletale's head jerked up. "Wait!"
"What? Don't tell me you want me to release the damn thing. It'll kill us if we give it an opportunity."
"No, not that. Absolutely do not let it go," agreed Tattletale, before she plunged a hand into his pocket.
"Whoa, hey. Personal space, lady."
She ignored him, rummaging around until she fished out the Company scroll. A few quick taps led to the items page, where she checked the list of his possessions, and Jaune started to understand what she was doing. Lo and behold, under the other entries there now read a new line. A click, and an image of the exact same rabbit in his hand appeared on the screen. In fact, he could see his thumb in the picture.
The Beast of Caerbannog
Universe: Monty Python
Scientific Name: Annihilatus adorabilus
The most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you'll ever set eyes on. It can kill. Has killed. Would kill again. This is one bunny that will never get bullied.
The cutest death watches the world, and desires that everything ends.
Terrifying. Although, the selling price…
Tattletale let out a squee.
"Nice!" Jaune lifted the rabbit up before his face. In light of recent news, the snarling visage almost looked cute to him. "Who's my homicidal money bag? You are. You're my fuzzy-wuzzy homicidal money bag!"
Demand existed for fluffy apocalyptic beasts. Who knew.
Someone, somewhere, wanted this thing. Jaune wasn't sure whether that's as a pet, or as a lethal bioweapon, but they were willing to pay top Lien to acquire it. High enough that Jaune can follow that fashionable trend of turning small animals into purses, and transform the Beast of Caerbannog into the first level of [Dimensional Pockets] to carry future loot in.
What problems could this cause, really?
And so, Jaune and Tattletale walked through to another universe with an adorable murderbeast in hand, leaving behind an empty cave, a man's nonsensical last message, and a soon-to-be very confused king and his retinue. The portal blinked out after them.
…
…
"Oh gods, the bunny got loose!"
"Why is it only going after meeeee—" *SLAM* , *click*
"...Tattletale? LISA!? Let me hide in the bathroom too, don't trap me out here with it!"
Universe: Monty Python. Location: The Cave of Caerbannog. Event: The Beast of Caerbannog.
Loot: a killer rabbit that took another two hours to recapture.
Loot: a killer rabbit that took another two hours to recapture.
Author's Note: Here's one of those 'shorter episodes' I wanted to do, and that Dark Souls turned out to be anything but. A world that Tattletale can bend into a pretzel, a world in which Jaune can shine, and now a world where they both find out how weird the multiverse can get no matter what their abilities are.
.
Awww, Lisa is sharing...pay no mind to the fact that she can now access 400 Points instead of 250 Points. I'm sure that's coincidental.
.
And so the truth comes out. Lisa Wilbourn has not watched Monty Python. Awful. Disgusting. Worst girl.
.
From Christmas to the end of January, I will be off to explore new lands!...that other people have been to, and settled, and built countries on. Anyway, it's rather hard to say how updates will go, but this will for sure get me a few ideas for writing.
aymdrim
Getting some practice in, huh?
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my boi jaune is still trying to do what's right and being taken advantage of... this is going to make him blow up at some point ansd change him drastically isn't he . Because worm characters aren't known for their devellopement but rather indulging in their worst impulses , and tattle can't help but try and be a manipulative know it all . Honestly the only constant about every normal parahumans in worm is that they can't help but be their worst selves (apart from dragon becase she's best girl)
MethodicBibliophile
Getting some practice in, huh?
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Great chapter, with two steps forward and many amusing injuries. Though how many points is the rabbit actually worth?
Wolf67
Not too sore, are you?
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i mean if she spends all the points including the "communal" ones she totally deserves the consequences of that action,being nice doesn't mean being a doormat and when you try to scam a murder blender that is your only protection then she is just asking for it,my boy Jaune deserves some respect and lisa treating him like a dumbass isn't gonna get her far
Helpless Kitten
A dumb asexual cat
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Queue the Monty Python quotes in 3, 2, 1…
Newborn_Cretin
Likes watching people hold hands on YouTube.
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i think you meant to count up to 3 but not proceed to 4, 5 is right out.
but naw man monty python is great hilarious jump that you don't typically see. as for Lisa taking advantage, Jaune has 7 sisters, he knows what she is doing for sure and is just doing it to keep the peace of the team dynamic. I expect lisa to dig her own hole in caring for the labador that is jaune arc in a more romantic sense. jaune is too honest and kind for a native Bet female after the inital stage of distrust he probably becomes really appealing really quickly.
Idovelicus
I trust you know where the happy button is?
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Now we see the violence inherent in the system!
He's repressing me! I'm being repressed!
TheRookIsOnFire
Experienced.
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We have established it is a stupid idea.
We have also established that Lisa is also capable of being a stupid girl. Having Sherlock-in-a-can for a superpower has even odds of just making her be stupid, but faster.
2 Hot Crown Subdues the Sinful
How I be pulling up to Demiurge.
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Jaune is officially the only person I've seen best the RoC in melee.
Based.
Based.
Phantom Blaster
A Gentlemanly Dragon.
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My god they truly are more retarded together in every episode!
Sorry chapter. This is basically looney tools for me!
Sorry chapter. This is basically looney tools for me!
KinKrow
A DREAM ABOUT DREAMING
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Public Service Announcent
Never trust anybody with your personal bank account or credit cards.
Not your spouse, not your family, not your friends, not your kids.
People can be awful to each other for no goddamn reason, or even the shittiest reason.
For instance, when they were in the middle of a divorce, mom took dad's credit cards and wracked up debt for him to pay off.
There are other cases of people doing shit like that because their spouse's money is 'their' money.
Don't entrust anyone with everything you have, because they may not disappoint but it isn't worth assuming the risk that they do.
A romantic view of life is nice and, but temper that shit with some cold realism.
It makes sense here with Jaune because he's a hick but I wouldn't trust the Literal Fucking Villainness with my bank account.
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Misoby
Getting sticky.
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I think that's the point of interacting with a character like Lisa, she always knows your cards, but if she doesn't...
Misoby
Getting sticky.
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Jaune is capable of cruelty and his mentality does not tolerate betrayal, and Lisa knows it. If the outcome is bad, Jaune can always open a portal to Warhammer 40k during the Horus Heresy and just throw her in there... profit
KinKrow
A DREAM ABOUT DREAMING
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Lisa's done some seriously stupid shit in the moment, thiniing she could get away with it or explaining it away to herself.
Bigreader
Doom. Boom!
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In all my decades of reading fan fiction, I have seen the Beast of a rabbit a couple of times in other fan fictions once recently, but this is the very first time I've ever seen any fan fiction travel to the monty python and the holy grail universe, At least we now know how those killer rabbits entered rezero and killed poor subaru
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Grand Munchkin
Know what you're doing yet?
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Uh...did Jaune grab his sword on the way out?
Agent Orange
Experienced.
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Considering what kind of... people the Company caters to someone is bound to want that thing as a waifu.
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Rakdos92
Goosh Goosh
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... I mean, I can respect the willingness to stick your dick into a baleful blender, but... does it really count if the blender in question has been mind-controlled into obeying (not loving, the Beast couldn't possibly be capable of Love) her master? Eh, it's probably an irrelevant question for Company customers.
Fun fact: there's a doujin where a young knight dooms the world by going on a quest to slay the Beast of Caerbannog. How? By siring hundreds of children with her. You can imagine what happens after the seal keeping her spawn imprisoned was broken.
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Desu-Vult2ElectricBugaloo
Know what you're doing yet?
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I hope Lisa is at least smart to realize that if she ever tries to do something dumbshit stupid and hoodwink Jaune before escaping, she would place herself firmly in his Top 3 shitlist.
Taking the phone and whatnot might be one of her go to actions to prevent Jaune from coming after her but Jaune unknowingly has a patron or two already invested in HIM. One guaranteed being the Outsider (Dishonored) and the other being Jax Deadbitchless' patron as Waifu Catalog has that. Which Patron? Unknown, but they HAVE to be aware of what transpired and is watching Jaune nonetheless since he is using their Agent's phone.
Either way, I have confidence Jaune WILL make finding a way to track and hunt her down one his primary goals just below finding a way back home (with powers). And Tattletale doesn't need her powers to tell hell how utterly turbo fucked she is for having a crayon-eating glue-sniffing moment of utter retardation in betraying a Murder Blender from a Death world.
Taking the phone and whatnot might be one of her go to actions to prevent Jaune from coming after her but Jaune unknowingly has a patron or two already invested in HIM. One guaranteed being the Outsider (Dishonored) and the other being Jax Deadbitchless' patron as Waifu Catalog has that. Which Patron? Unknown, but they HAVE to be aware of what transpired and is watching Jaune nonetheless since he is using their Agent's phone.
Either way, I have confidence Jaune WILL make finding a way to track and hunt her down one his primary goals just below finding a way back home (with powers). And Tattletale doesn't need her powers to tell hell how utterly turbo fucked she is for having a crayon-eating glue-sniffing moment of utter retardation in betraying a Murder Blender from a Death world.
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Heuristic
Commence Primary Ignition
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Well, at least the bunny is worth a lot of points... good thing, considering the utter pain in the ass it was to capture!
Probably for the best that they left before reaching the castle with Holy Grail, can you imagine Tattletale being taunted by the French?
Edit: If they ever happen to stop by the world of Red Dragon Inn, Tattletale may be faced with a cousin of the Beast, just one better at disguising its ravenous nature in public. She'd hate Pookie.
Probably for the best that they left before reaching the castle with Holy Grail, can you imagine Tattletale being taunted by the French?
Edit: If they ever happen to stop by the world of Red Dragon Inn, Tattletale may be faced with a cousin of the Beast, just one better at disguising its ravenous nature in public. She'd hate Pookie.
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tarrangar
Versed in the lewd.
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She isn't going to spend them directly, but Lisa probably have a firm belief that she can convince Jaune that things that work for the both of them that she want are the things to get, if she wanted to outright steal points trickery wouldn't be the way to go, what she want to do is convince Jaune that using the communal pool to buy things that are optimal for her is the way to go.
Lisa is of course going to try to take advantage of it, but it makes perfect sense to assign some of the funds are communal funds, because there are both communal and personal purchases to be done, such as the upgrade allowing them to sell stuff while outside the room, that's a team upgrade, and as seen from how much loot Jaune lost in Worm, it's absolutely an upgrade worth having.
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