Tanya’s Hogwarts Adventures (Youjo Senki, Harry Potter)

[Half_Baked_cat]

Readings of Chapters 1+ 2 I did. With bonus guests of cats.

 

[Half_Baked_cat]

The careless use of language can lead to miscommunication. Miscommunication has led to the current world we exist in. Good Morning Fatherland! This is your favorite radio host Second Lieutenant Tanya Degurechaff fresh from the battlefield. Our neighbors to the north decided to trespass onto Imperial land and we responded aggressively to remove this blatant violation of immigration laws. Not a single one of them went through the proper channels to obtain a Visa, can you believe that dear listeners?

And I was right there in the middle of it all, an adorable nine year old just floating in the air observing everything like I was supposed to when some big grown men came at me to touch me in inappropriate ways. Mostly by filling me full of holes and lead. As I was unarmed due to being too small to carry the radio equipment and a rifle, I requested to retreat and was denied. I was told to instead hold off the enemy until reinforcements could arrive in approximately five minutes. Not sure what they expected me to do to delay them, maybe a little song and dance? Whatever it was, they never bothered telling me so I went in close and did the best I could.

I ended up blowing myself up. Don't worry dear listeners, I'm still alive. It'll take more than one suicidal explosion to take me out. From what management has informed me, I took out six of the illegal aliens and my reward is some pretty jewelry and assignment to a research facility. I should have the inside scoop on all sorts of upcoming tech we will be rolling out shortly.

In other news, have any of you noticed the moon? Not the big one, but the second smaller one with the glowing red eyes and big friendly grin. Where did it come from? What are its plans for us? Should we prepare to fight in space?

And now for the Children's Fun Fact Science Corner!

Time is an artificial construct of human making. It dilates due to speed and gravity with no truly subjective point of reference. With enough speed and gravity it is possible to return to the our youthful past and tell our younger self that it is incredibly rude to tell a child to die for a momentary distraction of an enemy force.

That was the Children's Fun Fact Science Corner!

I just received a message from management. It is a reminder from the Kaiser's secret police, you know those sharply dressed people with a bleeding hole where their eyes should be. The message is: The Hierarchy of Angels is privileged information and only to be shared on a need to know basis. I for one fully agree with this decision as knowing who is in control of those awful things is not important when doing pest control. Remember audience, meet an Angel, kill and Angel.

And now, I take you to The Weather.

https://youtu.be/3qFzDGnQ-Tg

With that my dear listeners, it is time for this show to come to an end. I hope you had a wonderful time with me today. Stay tuned for an hour of quiet contemplation interrupted by the quiet sobs of a frightened woman in the room next door. Farewell Fatherland. Farewell.

 

[Half_Baked_cat]

Author's Note: Don't do these often, but I figured I should explain. The following is cut from the next chapter. I wrote it, but decided it did not fit the chapter overall. It is still canon, so enjoy the content. Warning, contains Lily Moon and is not properly beta'd

Lily Moon

Sneak sneak sneak. Beautiful and graceful, Master spy extraordinaire Lily Moon snuck through the secret passage in the ceiling, making her way through the dangerous and evil headquarters of Hogwarts. Stealthily she snuck keeping an eye and an ear out for any secret information.

Ooh! The prefect with pink hair. How she managed to maintain that color was a mystery, but no, Master Spy Lily Moon would not be distracted! Especially since the pink haired minion was distracted by boringly kissing another girl.

Sneak sneak sneak. Master Spy Lily Moon continued her mission, supporting more dark minions slipping into a room. With Grace and Care, Master Spy Lily Moon maneuvered herself above the room and looked down on the minion to see what was being plotted.

Boring! Why were so many of the students here so focused on kissing? It was boring to do that. Hugs were much better. They were warm and you could actually talk to whoever you were hugging!

The Great Spy Lily Moon moved on, crawling through the secret ceiling passage. Sneak sneak sneak. The Dungeon Master has been spotted in conversation with the Guard Master. Lily leaned in to hear and

"Who's there?" Snape asked, swiftly turning and spotting Lily hanging down from the ceiling a bit. "What are you doing Moon?"

"Spying," Lily said with a huge grin.

"I w-will leave th-this to you," Professor Quirrell said before beginning to move away.

"We will continue this discussion later," Snape said, before snapping his wand at Lily and floating her down to the ground. "Why were you spying?"

"Harry, Draco, Gregory, Vincent, Ron, and Seamus are at Dueling Club and I don't really want to duel. Hermione and Tanya are at the library reading and being dusty, I don't know where Dean went to, Neville is at the green houses. Parvati and Lavender don't want to play. So I was left to entertain myself, so I decided to be a MASTER SPY! and sneak about the castle. But it was so boring, everyone is just kissing each other and that is not interesting to watch," Lily said, gesticulating her points thoroughly, much to Professor Snape's annoyance as he felt a headache coming on.

"Ten points from Gryffindor. Spying on others is not something you should be doing as 'entertainment'," Snape said, before swirling past Lily in the direction of the dungeons.

 

[Half_Baked_cat]

Someone, DRKSHDOW, commissioned a group piece. My Hogwarts Tanya is in there in the green sweater Molly made her.
From Left to Right, the authors of each Tanya is:
Requiem Jeer https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/psychoprotective-youjo-senki-psychonauts.1040559/
DrkShdow https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/holo-archive-of-a-young-warlords-empire.1090779/
General Max https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/long-live-the-empire-youjo-senki-star-wars.1131007/
L4 of the West https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/the-saga-of-the-runt-youjo-senki-wh30k.987151/
Myself https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Fanfic/TanyasHogwartsAdventure
BrettFire https://www.fanfiction.net/s/14106928/1/Rising-Heroine-Tanya
Swiss Chocolate https://forums.spacebattles.com/threads/the-saga-of-slime-and-devil-youjo-senki-tensura.1111834/
At least, those are the identities I know the authors by.
For now, these are the links I either already had or were given to me for each author's story. Will update this as I get more.
DrkShadow was the commissioner of the piece, Yoshikage was the artist.
Visit https://twitter.com/a_yoshikage for more art by the artist. Be warned, they are NSFW artist.

And by the same artist, but commissioned as a gift from myself to L4 of the WEST

 

[Half_Baked_cat]

Daily Degurechaff is doing Halloween themed Tanyii this month and today was 'Witch'.

Close enough for me to share!

If you are unfamiliar with them:

https://dailydegurechaff.tumblr.com/

 

[Half_Baked_cat]

I suppose some words would be appropriate to place here.

Some words.