Walk on the Moon (Naruto SI)

[Argosh]

That last move by Gai reminds me of the the Buddha's Palm technique in the last fight of Kung Fu Hustle.

 

[MudkipSage]

[snip]
This could be a redemption arc for both the Rats and Rei.

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NGL I'm totally down for a redemption arc. I'm not 100% up to date in remembering everything about the story (Probably need to do a re-read) but IIRC Rei's obsession w/ ditching the village was a bit much. I also absolutely hated the entire treatment of Sasuke, literally to the point I would endorse the absolutely trashiest of fanfic if Sauske's behavior wasn't excused away.

Hell Kiba ended up being one of my favorite characters in cannon, JUST because when Sauske comes back after literally betraying everyone, and being an abosolute shitlord, and then is like "I'm done being a shitlord elsewhere. Time to be your Hokage shitlord" he just outright is like "Are you for real? You fucking betrayed us!" And I really appreciated that. (Sauske did in fact rejoin the village, but Naruto is the retarded forgiveness jesus, so yeah kinda expected. )

Anyways, hopping that Rei isn't actually going to follow through on the whole betraying the village thing.

 

[Hanada]

Why are the rats still in rags? You'd think Rei would've gotten them something better, it's not like tattared clothes are a requirement for their techniques

 

[Plotvitalnpc]

That last move by Gai reminds me of the the Buddha's Palm technique in the last fight of Kung Fu Hustle.

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Probably because from the description and in-story name, it's an outright reference.

 

[Nidhogg]

NGL I'm totally down for a redemption arc. I'm not 100% up to date in remembering everything about the story (Probably need to do a re-read) but IIRC Rei's obsession w/ ditching the village was a bit much. I also absolutely hated the entire treatment of Sasuke, literally to the point I would endorse the absolutely trashiest of fanfic if Sauske's behavior wasn't excused away.

Hell Kiba ended up being one of my favorite characters in cannon, JUST because when Sauske comes back after literally betraying everyone, and being an abosolute shitlord, and then is like "I'm done being a shitlord elsewhere. Time to be your Hokage shitlord" he just outright is like "Are you for real? You fucking betrayed us!" And I really appreciated that. (Sauske did in fact rejoin the village, but Naruto is the retarded forgiveness jesus, so yeah kinda expected. )

Anyways, hopping that Rei isn't actually going to follow through on the whole betraying the village thing.

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Prepare to be disappointed. That being said, Rei's reasons for leaving are fine, I wouldn't even really call it an obsession so much as a (somewhat twisted) goal. It's the Need to get strong enough to not be forced back that has become an obsession, and subsequently twisted a lot of her better qualities... not helped by being forced into an interrogation cell when she was sick, injured, and somewhat delirious, all at the age of, like, 6 iirc. That obsession is made worse by the fact that she knows the future, and so she's not incorrect in believing that she needs a certain level of strength to survive. Likely, she'll have another breakdown soon, and hopefully that'll finally give someone a chance to get her head on a little straighter, so that once she leaves, she can actually enjoy her freedom.

 

[CrunchySharpie]

"Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth"- Mike Tyson. Maito Guy

There are always going to be counters to you abilities.

Sand probably knows every counter under the sun to wide area poisons because a faction in the village specializes in it, they also specialize in wide area wind attack which would nullify it completely Mist can sheath themselves in water to prevent burns, filter out poisons and use rebreathers to stay in their little water bubble indefinitely. They can also put out the fire and escape the trap. Stone they'd just go underground and leave the trap for a more advantageous position. Fire users they'd just burn away all the poisons and nuke an area.

About the only type specialist that might have problems is cloud and lightning, though since they specialize in melee, swords and anti-unit jutsu, they would have closed the distance and killed REI before she could have sealed her trap.

Someone mentioned someone like Zabuza getting turbofucked by this kind of set up. That's kinda false, the guy can create a mist which he laces with his chakra, he could then feel anything moving within it and disturbing the mist, muted sound and chakra or no. He could clothe himself in water or do like the demon brothers early on and hide in a puddle away from the poison while water clones utterly decimate them because Zabuza is someone who can match other silent killers and has the advantage of being a master swordsman and melee combatant.

Rei's plan is absolutely brutal against Chunin and people who are not actively preparing for it, but once you hit Jonin their tool belt is both varied and powerful enough to deal with their plan and they are generally physically powerful enough to not get caught up in her flow and close the distance to force the issue with anti-unit jutsu or techniques.

Once she gains Jonin level physical capability and masters some kind of bladed weapon she'll have a similar toolbelt to someone like Hanzo, who absolutely was a monster on the battlefield.

 

[Commonwealth1991]

This technique requires such a deep connection with one own's chakra, that only someone like her, that didn't sleep so much as meditated on her chakra pathways, can do. Also, because of how finicky this process is, she needs a couple seconds doing nothing but concentrating even with her chakra control, and only when she is going on an empty tank, as she needs to be able to focus on the 'making chakra from the Yin and Yang' process, and if there is already chakra in her systems, then it gets harder to focus on that.

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The technique also carries a moderate risk of death since the user is required to empty thier physical energy into their spiritual energy, thus temporarily leaving Rei without any chakra at all.

Beyond that however, their REAL strength is the same as the real world rats. A few rats? a total joke. Unleash a few hundred or more on a place you want to completely f***, like say, a rival ninja village? Good luck keeping all your valuables, soft targets, secrets, weaker ninja, and even your buildings and walls intact and protected in any way shape or form. So yeah, the Rat summons can be very strong, just in more unconventional ways.

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So they'll lose the battle in order to win the war? Guerilla war at its finest. But despite Rei's misgivings about Konoha her Rats are actually the perfect summons for the village given their emphasis on solidarity and teamwork as we saw in this chapter. Also I noticed Rei summoned a new rat, will we see more of him in the future?

The rats would probably befriend the Slugs if it looked like the Snakes were picking a fight.

I imagine the "castle" they live in to almost be like a funhouse. Like two different sized, and styled homes rammed together. You have main rooms/guest rooms that are opulent and absolutely huge, but in places where guests don't go, the rooms and hallways are tiny and plain just past the "open" areas so that a guest who looked in would see they do not live in opulence themselves. Past those linking corridors, everything is kept dark and forboding. To look down would feel like they could swallow you up, and for the unwelcome, they can. Where guests see the best face of the rat, and only enemies who press further in, the Rats themselves learn first to navigate the harsh darkness, to trade in secrets and poison, and only once they pass their tests, are they shown the higher arts of diplomacy, and wisdom. Taught to live in the gutter, before learning how to live like a feudal lords (Most summons kind of act like japanese feudal lords as depicted. Living in castles, etc) Rats understand both the poor and the wealthy, giving them good insight into people in general. This means where they trade words with diplomats, they tend to like the low lives and scum who must get buy on much terser terms. They would also tend to be fairly wise, if rough around the edges.

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I think the rats, if worms reaction to living with the slugs is anything to go by, would sooner bite off their own tails than work in tandem with one of the Sanin's summons who at one point where allied by proxy to the snakes and toads. Not to mention the likely multitudes of blood feuds that the rats likely have with all of the other summoning clans given their extreme emphasis on family.

As for the chinese interpretation of the Rat's bieng wealthy and social animals I think that symbolism has more or less been meet by Rei, the Yamanaka heiress, taking them on as her summons thus rounding out thier cutthroat doctrine of killing anything that isn't a Rat.

Wow... This is NOT going to help Rei's issues.

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Well, I think that largely depends on how Gai handles the situation. Remember, Rei's previous teachers were all either very reserved keeping Rei's progression mostly to themselves or outright provocative like in Anko's case which ended up with Rei cultivating a killer's psyche.

Despite Rei saying she may not like this new teaching style it could actually be a good change of pace for her since Gai likes to throw ninja convention out the door when it comes to his students. With Gai acting as a benchmark for an S-Ranked ninja and being open and honest about Rei's progress, her mood could substantially improve.

If this was a real battle, he would probably just bust out gate 5 and punch her out while the steam exploding from his skin stops any poison from touching him.

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Well in a real fight to death between Gai and Rei, the latter would have at that point acquired sage mode and would be using some form of super stealth and super poisons whilst simultaneously working with the most elite killers out of the entire family. I'm thinking something akin to the rat version of ANBU or a select few master assassins.

NGL I'm totally down for a redemption arc. I'm not 100% up to date in remembering everything about the story (Probably need to do a re-read) but IIRC Rei's obsession w/ ditching the village was a bit much.

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Rei doesn't really need a redemption arc as of now since she hasn't committed any acts of evil that would warrant the need for forgiveness and self loathing. What she does need though is character growth and an evolution in her ideals of "might makes right," toward a more positive direction.

What do I mean by this? Well a few chapters back Rei pondered whether or not seeking power for power's sake was right or wrong. The chat at the time arrived at the conclusion that it wasn't wrong so long as she didn't use it for malicious purposes. But after thinking it over for a bit I've come to the conclusion that seeking power for powers sake is wrong, primarily because by accumulating power for selfish ends she is allowing the system she hates so much to continue existing.

In chapter 24, when Rei was being held in the T&I she drew comparisons between Konoha and the Nazi SS for their similarly draconian methods. However, ironically Rei's ideology is actually very similar to the same people who helped bring the Nazi's to the height of their power. Those people being the bystanders, those who did nothing either because they didn't see it as their problem or they had their own problems to worry about.

"First they came for the socialists, then they came for the trade unionists, then they came for the Jews, then they came for me." By gathering power Rei has a moral obligation to use that power for the benefit of others rather than solely benefiting herself. That's not to say Rei has to completely abandon her current ideals, in the end she could arrive at some sort of hybrid philosophy or even dedicate herself wholeheartedly to the betterment of her current home.

After all that's what we are here for right? To watch Rei grow into an S-Ranked ninja while maturing her current viewpoints to fit the mold of this world. I imagine such a character arc will culminate in her becoming the Hokage, something that she for the life of her currently can't imagine herself doing. Also imagine comedic value of Neji's smug, or at least what passes as smug for him, 'I told you' face while Rei is struggling not to throttle him whilst having her face molded for her future portrait on the Hokage mountain.

 

[Milpld]

The technique also carries a moderate risk of death since the user is required to empty thier physical energy into their spiritual energy, thus temporarily leaving Rei without any chakra at all.

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In meta, though, we can ignore the 'risk of death' as that won't ever happen. It is still a reason for the character to be afraid of using the technique, but Rei has already shown that she doesn't care about this risk; hence, this doesn't matter.

 

[unLuckerII]

SixPerfections There is quite bit of art for your story, consider please adding it to media section.

 

[Commonwealth1991]

In meta, though, we can ignore the 'risk of death' as that won't ever happen. It is still a reason for the character to be afraid of using the technique, but Rei has already shown that she doesn't care about this risk; hence, this doesn't matter.

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From a story perspective I can see where you're coming from. Our heroes and heroines will rarely ever die due to some dangerous technique or gambit, if anything it actually has a positive effect of toughening them up.

But that isn't to say the technique is without danger. Until Rei straightens out her physical energy to match her surplus of spiritual energy this chakra generation method is potentially game breaking when it comes to the worlds natural understanding of Chakra. Which is why I'm convinced that it likely has some unforeseen consequence we are not aware of.

For instance, what if by using this technique Rei is somehow shortening her lifespan by disrupting her natural energies or something along those lines. Elder Black seemed to suspect thier was something fishy with the technique and I'm not going to ignore a possible foreshadowing of events that may occur.

SixPerfections There is quite bit of art for your story, consider please adding it to media section.

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Personally, I envision Rei to be something more along these lines.

Spoiler

Image URL: https://www.deviantart.com/sgcassidy/art/Walk-on-the-Moon-Rei-Naruto-575704872

Seems to fit her better since she finally earned her headband.

 

[SolipsistSerpent]

Wow... This is NOT going to help Rei's issues.

Her 'not strong enough' problem just got confirmed. Gai also confirmed that following orders to the letter does not prevent one from being punished, and it's superiors in chain of command that makes arbitrary decision of that. He meant it as lesson on common sense, but the same words can be understood differently. For Rei? Gai essentially said that her fate and her punishment depends on a whim of senior ninja, and there is not a thing she can do about it. Even following orders exactly is not enough.

Both 'weakness' and 'you are not safe in Konoha' issues were just directly confirmed by Gai.

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At least Gai was smart enough to spot she's got authority issues, even if he lacked the time to work out exactly what they were, so maybe he can help her with them a little later. I doubt he can fix them all the way, but it might be possible to ease them a bit.

 

[BurnNote]

The best endgame for Rei is something like Tsunade's situation (and Jiraya, though he actually does stuff). Aligned with Konoha and nominally subordinated, but effectively faffing about by herself. That lets her be free, but also not hunted and able to meet with her family and friends in Konoha.

It's just not an easy situation to reach. Maybe if Ino, Hinata or Neji become Hokage.

 

[doug89]

I have absolutely no problem with Rei's goals and her interpretation of the world. She lives in a military dictatorship, surrounded by people that can do anything they want to her because they are stronger, or because they are backed by those that are stronger. The world economy partially runs on murder. Don't like your neighbour? You can go pay a ninja village to send a teenager around to slit their throat.

The dream of being powerful enough to say "no" to anyone and get away with it is really appealing.

 

[Beyogi]

Haa that was a good chapter. Always sad to see a protagonist fail after working so hard, but its so satisfyingly done.

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She never had a chance. Gai is stronger than Kakashi, making him at least Kohohas third most powerful active nin at this point.

She's dealing with someone about as fanatic about training as she is and with about the same amount of talent, only 10-15 years more experience.

I have absolutely no problem with Rei's goals and her interpretation of the world. She lives in a military dictatorship, surrounded by people that can do anything they want to her because they are stronger, or because they are backed by those that are stronger. The world economy partially runs on murder. Don't like your neighbour? You can go pay a ninja village to send a teenager around to slit their throat.

The dream of being powerful enough to say "no" to anyone and get away with it is really appealing.

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Yeah understandable if a bit unambitious. The whole ninja system is a massive waste. They're basically all demi-gods and they're wasting that power to murder each other.

 

[unLuckerII]

Personally, I envision Rei to be something more along these lines.

Image URL: https://www.deviantart.com/sgcassidy/art/Walk-on-the-Moon-Rei-Naruto-575704872

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I considered it but the hair was not "curly enough" .

 

[Commonwealth1991]

I considered it but the hair was not "curly enough" .

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Well if you want to be very literal with the description of her hair type I suppose you can stick with that image, I'm hardly the arbiter of content here. I just tend to categorize her hair as "wild," "disorderly," or "hard to straighten" as it has been described in the past. It also makes finding expys for an older Rei much easier since there is already very few blond female aggressive charismatic leader types with hair that is explicitly "curly enough." Some of these expys include but are not limited to:

Balalaika (Black Lagoon)

Spoiler

Former VDV captain of the Soviet armed forces who deserted her post due to ethical dilemmas to become the leader of Hotel Moscow, a Russian rooted criminal syndicate located in a remote lawless city in Thailand. This more or less seems to be what Rei aspires to become and is well on her way to becoming, whether that's a good or bad thing depends on your interpretation of this very much jaded character.

Sephiria Arks (Black Cat)

Spoiler

Chronos Number One and the leader of the Chronos Numbers, an elite unit of assassins that engage in high profile killings across the globe in order to covertly control the politics and economics of the world. The similarities are decidedly more superficial here than the last expy, but she's the world's deadliest assassin who personally purges the corruption of the current world order and has a fondness for purple cloth, which also seems to be something Rei aspires to become.

Like I said before Rei has some very concerning role models. But if you personally don't agree with these portrayals then I suppose it's a good thing Walk on the Moon is something we have to read as opposed to watch. That way we can process the story in our minds eye to our personal preferences.

 

[Hanada]

How do you think Rei will improve in the future? She always avoided Genjutsu and medical techniques due to being associated with "kunoichi" but they actually suits her fighting style quite well and despite the stigma, both those were the backbone of kage level shinobi, at the very least her clan seems proficient in them

 

[Commonwealth1991]

How do you think Rei will improve in the future? She always avoided Genjutsu and medical techniques due to being associated with "kunoichi" but they actually suits her fighting style quite well and despite the stigma, both those were the backbone of kage level shinobi, at the very least her clan seems proficient in them

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She could likely become a master of the disciplines if she wanted to, after all her chakara control is mindbogglingly absurd to the point where Tsunade would undoubtedly prefer taking Rei on as a student over Sakura if she was given the option. Then agian both of them are extremely alike in bieng similarly brash and proud, likely to the point they'll butt heads over every little thing and get little work done, something that Hiruzen attested to when he first drew comparisons to Rei.

However, that's assuming Rei wants to go down that path in the first place. As far as she's concerned she sees power as 'how good are you at killing' rather than 'how many lives can you save.' It was mentioned in one of the omakes that Rei circumvented the issue of lacking medical skills when she went rogue by finding her own personal medical nin. So for the foreseeable future she'll likely focus on fire jutsu and working towards sage arts as well as any wacky projects she'll discover with her extreme chakra control.

 

[varoksa]

I have absolutely no problem with Rei's goals and her interpretation of the world. She lives in a military dictatorship, surrounded by people that can do anything they want to her because they are stronger, or because they are backed by those that are stronger. The world economy partially runs on murder. Don't like your neighbour? You can go pay a ninja village to send a teenager around to slit their throat.

The dream of being powerful enough to say "no" to anyone and get away with it is really appealing.

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People normalizing mercenary states running on child soldier labour is really weird.

 

[Tachikoma's Aunt]

People normalizing mercenary states running on child soldier labour is really weird.

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Japan claiming to be a pacifist nation when like 90% of their pop culture is dedicated to glorifying child soldiers is even weirder.

 

[Prince Charon]

Japan claiming to be a pacifist nation when like 90% of their pop culture is dedicated to glorifying child soldiers is even weirder.

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Modern Japanese culture in general seems to have very mixed feelings about being a pacifist nation.

 

[Valint]

I feel like there's a lot of folks buying into the protagonist-focused morality of Naruto and in-setting propaganda, which I find bizarre.

Quitting an organization isn't betrayal. If Konoha can't get Rei's loyalty voluntarily, her leaving is just a normal exercise of her free will.

Even more than that, leaving an organization that never gave you an honest choice about joining isn't betrayal, it's escaping.

Konoha aren't the good guys. I'm not sure I'd classify anyone in this setting as the good guys, but considering that Konoha is directly or indirectly responsible for all the suffering caused by Madara, Danzo, Orochimaru, Obito, and Akatsuki (and that's even before getting into ordinary run-of-the-mill suffering they inflict as part of a might-makes-right system in which enslaving/murdering/exploiting anyone/anything weaker than you is morally acceptable), it's very definitely not them.

Rei doesn't have an obligation to fix this setting.

Fixing this setting means wading through a sea of blood, and Rei has zero obligation to become yet another Naruto villain who looks at how shit the setting is, realizes that the only way they know to fix that is to murder everyone making the setting shit, and start planning the massacres.

Rei is not ninja Jesus.

There is a ninja Jesus, and if he manages to follow the canon path* and fix things with pluck, grit, determination (plus a fuckton of plot armor and charisma), that's great, but she only has the first three. Her only realistic options are to murder people in batch lots, become part of a corrupt and evil system, or nope the fuck out of there. Picking the last option is a reasonable and moral choice.

* I mean, assuming Naruto actually fixed anything. I noped out of the story during the day that never ended, but the fact that the story's moved on to the next generation implies some degree of "the day didn't actually stay saved, on any fundamental level".

 

[Commonwealth1991]

I feel like there's a lot of folks buying into the protagonist-focused morality of Naruto and in-setting propaganda, which I find bizarre.

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Hardly, no one here is buying into the idea that militarized dictatorships which indoctrinate minors as child soldiers into their cult of collectivism is a justified or moral way to govern over others. The point of divergence doesn't lie in the protagonist's disgust of the system or the current methods she's utilizing within that system to perpetuate her status. It's her end goals in relation to that system and what it could mean for her and everyone else around her.

Besides it wasn't the "protagonist-focused morality of Naruto" that got this discussion started. It was actually an analysis on how totalitarian governments have historically thrived due to others unwillingness to confront them.

Rei doesn't have an obligation to fix this setting.

Fixing this setting means wading through a sea of blood, and Rei has zero obligation to become yet another Naruto villain who looks at how shit the setting is, realizes that the only way they know to fix that is to murder everyone making the setting shit, and start planning the massacres.

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Well, based on the very same modern principles that have led Rei into despising the totalitarian structure of Konoha due to its stark opposition to her belief in the freedom of choice. It is also in line with those principles that if it's within your power you must take a stand against those very same totalitarian forces that seek to take way the freedoms of not just oneself but of others.

Simply put, shrugging your shoulders and turning a blind eye to it doesn't absolve anyone of any of responsibility to the contrary it implicates guilt. Because ones inactions can be just as effective as another's actions in perpetuating an ethically questionable system by providing it with a blank check against any opposition.

The reason I said earlier that Rei's desire for power for powers sake was wrong is because despite seeking the power of a Kage she wants none of the responsibilities attached to it. She's pursuing purely selfish ends that will benefit those that she despises, and it could eventually come back to bite not only her but those she cares about.

Regardless of her end goal Rei was still planning to slit throats and commit massacres against anyone who stood between her goal of obtaining Kage power and pursuing eventual freedom. Thus it would stand to reason that that sort of bloodshed could be redirected for better ends which benefits more people overall.

Rei is not ninja Jesus.

There is a ninja Jesus, and if he manages to follow the canon path* and fix things with pluck, grit, determination (plus a fuckton of plot armor and charisma), that's great, but she only has the first three. Her only realistic options are to murder people in batch lots, become part of a corrupt and evil system, or nope the fuck out of there. Picking the last option is a reasonable and moral choice.

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Just because she's not ninja Jesus doesn't mean she'll be incapable or powerless. She's well on her way to becoming a Kage ranked ninja if Gai's perspective is anything to go by and she'll eventually inherit one of the most powerful positions in the village by virtue of birth.

Not only will she have power but she'll be able to use it in tandem with her popularity and political clout to gain substantial influence over the village. So much so that even the most powerful man in the world is wary of her potential. If Rei chooses to take the path of reform over reclusion, she could work her way through the ranks of Konoha into a position where she'll call the shots and from there begin dismantling the system she hates so much.

Naruto on the other hand is a very unreliable bet. Not only does it take him until he was 30 years old to become Hokage and start governing the village. But he's also kept many of the customs of his predecessors, child soldiers included, alive and well. So despite being a "good" Hokage he is still very much a product of the system, the only reason things aren't bad under his reign is due to unprecedented prosperity and cooperation between villages that is neither granted or guaranteed to last.

So the only surefire way for Rei not to be ostracized and isolated in this supernatural feudal war like world is to play the game until she wins and achieves her reforms, turning this backwards society around into something that actually resembles a passable civilization. Where the focus of everyone isn't how to turn chakra into more efficient ways of murdering each other but to advance their society and improve their living standards.

However, despite my long triad on what essentially boils down to an essay on "with great power comes great responsibility," I'm perfectly fine with whatever path Rei chooses. I'm sure it'll be a great read regardless of whether Rei decides to fight against society by leaving the wars and conflicts of the villages to find a new life or whether she decides to take it head on by reforming or revolutionizing the system. After all, the author has shown to us that Rei isn't a static character and can evolve in ways that'll keep our interest.

 

[Mastersgt]

kinda bummed MC does not seem to be interested in the Potential this setting offers.
I mean, I get it. Naruto is DARK AF if you look underneath the underneath. What with slavery, theft, murder, rape, and just about every bad thing you can imagine. All being done by the "good guys", never mind the kind of stuff the actual villains get up to.
But this is a setting where someone with sufficient knowledge and skill can give themselves kekkei genkai, Doujutsu, immortality, godlike powers, eternal youth, and that's just with Iryojutsu. Fuinjutsu is all-around badass as well, what with being able to pretty much rewrite reality.

 

[Kwame]

It's funny that Rei hates the system but is diving pretty heavily into it by trying to be strong enough to leave it. Madara tried to end it through power and just became the villian of the week so she's smart enough not to repeat but she's becoming what she hates. She'll eventually leave the village and not know what to do because everything she ever was is ties to training or Konaha.

Gai is likely the only way to calm her down. He noticed her issue with the Hokage and authority. He might not be able to put two and two together until he looks into her file but he is well equiped to tackle her issues.

 

[megrisvernin]

New reader. Just marathoned the whole story and this is my favorite Naruto Self Insert I think.

 

[sohrab]

Damn. Now a really wanna' see prime Rei vs Juubi-Madara. Also her immunity to Genjutsu could be an interesting factor during the Infinite Tsukuyomi arc.

 

[Grigori The Watcher]

Wow, I'm glad to see Six is back. It's always good to see a fic rise from the dead.

 

[maitogai83]

Oh hey, the best Naruto story out there is here too! Nice, hope to see more updates, the surprise one after so long was quite nice.

 

[JustDusty]

I'm curious how Rei will react in 4.5 years when the actual ninja jesus shows up and blows all of her progress out of the water just because he was born in the right circumstances. How does subtlety and efficiency beat overwhelming firepower combined with a fuck-you-transformation i wonder.