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Lot's of telling and not showing and lots of "empty" lines, such as characters repeating "yes", or "what" or whatever in the last chapter, without adding anything to the story. Feels like you are padding the word count, with extra dialogue, while failing to adapt the tv show into writing format. It's a common problem for people writing fanfiction of TV shows. I mean you are doing better than the "script format" guys, but yea. Not much is conveyed during the speech, you need to do more descriptors, and trow out obvious shit like "I replied" that adds nothing. Describe characters moving, walking, driving, whatever. Don't say "He asked questioningly" after sentence ending with question mark.
I mean I liked the fight scene, and this could be good. Just don't feel like you have much content, or skill at adapting the existing content to this medium.
Sorry about being so negative, but this only feedback I got, and you asked for it. Just keep writing and you are gonna get better. Adapting stuff is pretty hard, and movies fail to do it all the time.
It's good feedback, i was feeling that myself really.
After i've written more of the story, i'll probably go back and see about editing those first chapters.
Next chapter will be Castiel, and hopefully will be a lot better.
Doubtful. Castiel is like 90% actor, and honestly not that good of a character. He only works since the actor is really great at the whole "I don't get things" face, while the contrasting with being all powerful, and knowledgeable makes for enough plot convenience to keep him around for info dumping, or deus ex machina stuff. I might be bit biased since I really did not like the overarching angel plot line (save for Gabriel, I guess), and rather enjoyed the monster of the week format, but Castiel just reeks of lazy writing, and introducing him early will likely kill any tension, since you know injury and death, transport or even most magic becomes meaningless as soon as you have him on speed dial.
Any plans to get in contact with Mary Winchester's side of the family? They'd been hunting for generations and outside of the Men of Letters, probably had access to some valuable lores and resources that would be pretty useful, like how to cure newly turned vampires.
If they're still around, maybe. I'm pretty sure they were all dead by season one, and brought back by Castiel.
Nah, they were still around. Samuel and Deanna were dead and Samuel was brought back later, but they had cousins who were still living up till at least season 6, though a demon or something was actively hunting them.
How much is this going to deviate from Canon, I'm liking it well enough so far but I'm not here for a rehash of the show.
Yeah I noticed that seems too happen a lot with the fandom, I mean it happens a lot with other fandoms as well but those balance out with the other things.Why do ever male oc supernatural main character have to be gay can we get just on straight male like come on I'm sorry but it's Frustrating looking for a male main character for supernatural and every single one are slash
Yeah I noticed that seems too happen a lot with the fandom, I mean it happens a lot with other fandoms as well but those balance out with the other things.
I have no problem with your preferences or the fact you are writing a character like that, it does not effect me enjoying the story or not; I was just commenting in the fact that it is rare for a supernatural story to have a straight character.The Character is Gay, Because i'm gay.
I'm not some pretty girl that writes gay characters because she likes romance.
I'm a guy who likes other guys, and i'm not just gonna make myself straight just because it's a story, i'm trying to write this story as being true to myself.
However, you need not worry, romance will not feature in this story, like at all. It will be all one night stands like in the show.
I have no problem with your preferences or the fact you are writing a character like that, it does not effect me enjoying the story or not; I was just commenting in the fact that it is rare for a supernatural story to have a straight character.
How so very cold blooded of you.
Are you sure the Demon did not influence you?
Because willing to "teach" Sam a lesson without doing anything? That's Ice Cold.
I got chills.
...Was it Samhaim the one who fed him blood?But what frightened me the most was that I did not know who the Green-Eyed Demon was! A Green-eyed Demon had never appeared in the main Supernatural Tv Show as far as I knew, only Demons, with White, Red, Black, or Yellow eyes.
...Was it Samhaim the one who fed him blood?
Hes the only one wich comes to mind from the show who havegreen eyes.