July 3rd 2012, 08:38 GMT -7
"Expand on your bucking proclivity
So if you need you can even buck me-."
The-. HAH! The pony stops in mid-air, shakes, then falls to the ground, sits on her bum and waves her front legs at me.
"Ah, can you forget I sang that last one? Please?"
"Hah. Ah, why?"
Aside from the obvious word substitution thing. I mean, I don't
think she's coming onto me-. But then, Grayven and Luna are pretty okay with-.
"We
ll…" Pinkie Pie tilts her head to the right. "My uncle Smoky Quartz taught me that bit when I was a little filly, and Mom got mad and glared at him and told him he couldn't have any more adult soda and I don't want to get him in trouble again."
She sounds… Completely… Genuine? Does she not..? Realize..? I was.. kinda assuming that 'buck' and 'fuck' weren't near-phonemes in ponyspeak, but… That song makes it pretty clear that they
are. Unless I'm just so… Unpony, or whatever, that I'm seeing things that aren't there.
"Okay. But… Did he teach you any
other verses?"
"One or two." She taps her chin with her right front hoof. "And he might have been right? My friend Rainbow Dash is a pegasus and she does
everything fast, so I guess it would make sense if she bucked fast too, but I've never seen a unicorn buck. Even when we help out Applejack on the farm, Twilight and Rarity use their horns instead. And
that wasn't how that verse went at
all."
I'm moving before I really think about it, and legs that I can usually barely control are.. hugging her? It feels
weird, having the fur on my chest rubbing against hers and her sweet-smelling mane in my nose, but… Nice? She hugs me back, and she's stronger than she looks. All that bouncing's healthy exercise, I guess? It's like hugging Barney the Dinosaur.
Only less terrifying.
I let go and shuffle back a bit before getting back on all four hooves. I… Like this pony. She's so…
Open, and cheerful. Just being around her makes…
"Ah, are you okay? You looked kinda sad there for a moment."
"It's…"
It's why Grayven asked her to show me around, obviously. He thinks I need to open up to a pink party pony who doesn't know what 'adult soda' is.
I mean… Maybe?
I clear my throat. "So, was that a.. traditional.. earth pony song?"
She nods. "Uh-huh! Every earth pony town that does any bucking at all has their own version! Do the ponies where you come from have a song like that?"
"Ah… Not.. really? Human legs don't really work like that."
"Do you have songs about climbing trees instead?"
"No? Why would-?" Right. "You know we're not.. monkeys, right? I mean, we're
related, but we've been upright for about six million years."
She nods.
"So they'd be really
old songs."
"I don't think we even had
language back then."
"Okay. What songs
do humans sing? What songs did
your uncle teach you?"
"Well… I grew up on a different continent to my mom's family. And all Dad ever told us about his side of the family was that they died. So… They kinda
didn't."
"Um. Oh. Um. What about your mom and dad?"
"Mom once made up a song about stabbing people? It's not.. really something I wanna pass on to an alien civilisation."
"Ah… Like, joke… Stabbing? Like a murder mystery party?"
"No, like stabbing someone with a knife so they die. My parents were thieves and murderers. Or..
are, in Mom's case. I didn't exactly have a
normal childhood."
Pinkie Pie shifts awkwardly. "I didn't have a normal foalhood
either, but for me that just means I grew up on a rock farm. Um. Are you okay?"
"How would I know?"
"Oh, whaw. I.. try and make people happy? But I'm not actually a trained counsellor pony? Um…" Her left ear flicks nervously, then she gets up and stands next to me, not quite touching me but making me
aware that she's there. "But we can talk about it if you want?"
Talking to a talking pony plush doll beats trying to talk to
Dinah again. And whatever Grayven says, I'm leaving Guy Gardner as a
last option.
"You know, I'm actually older than my mom?"
"How does that work?"
"Time travel. I went to the future for a long time, then came back."
"A long long time?"
"Yeah, I think so."
"Like, Hearthwarming Cake takes a long time, or like a tree growing takes a long time? Or like Princess Celestia's ruled Equestria for a long time?"
"Probably that last one. Me and Grayven ruled the whole planet."
"Was it fun?"
"I wouldn't call it
fun. But… I.. miss it. It's pretty much all I've done for so long that now there's this..
hole in my life."
"Hey, that sounds a
lot like Princess Celestia!"
Grayven's girlfriend's sister. And Sunset's teacher, before she came to Earth after they had a fight. I've seen her a couple of times but I don't really
know her.
"How do you mean?"
"Well, she's ruled Equestria for over a thousand years! And I've never even
heard of her doing anything that wasn't something to do with that."
"What did she do
before that?"
"Uh." Pinkie Pie stares straight forward, her eyes wide. "Before? I can't-. I mean, they weren't in charge in the Hearthwarming story, so I guess she wasn't
always in charge?" She taps her chin with her right front hoof. "It's just-. She's-. The..
Princess."
She shakes her head, her hair blurring-. Is her muzzle bending, or is that just an optical illusion?
"What kinda things did
you do when you were in charge?"
"I…"
I remember
fighting. And arguing. Commanding and managing logistics. Reading reports and checking that the people writing them weren't lying to me. Trying to instil some sort of
unifying ideology in a people who only cared about themselves and
maybe those immediately around them. And then when I got back together with Grayven… Things got
easier, but there was always
something. A sports event to open. A research project to monitor. We… Went to see plays a couple of times, but that was because we'd only just got the Sheeda to start doing cultural stuff. Yeah, it wasn't all
exhausting, but I can't remember anything I just did for
fun.
"I worked. I worked a whole lot."
"What did you do when you
weren't working?"
What hobbies did I even have
before I went to the Land of Summer's End? Apart from vigilantism. I can't remember anything.
"I think that was just when I was asleep."
Pinkie stares at me, her mouth hanging slightly open.
"Ok-ay, well, how about we do some stuff
I think is fun, and we see if that helps?"
I nod, and give her a small smile. I guess it can't hurt, can it?
If the ladies aren't blushing a little, you haven't sung it loudly enough!
