OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

A Matter of Luck.

Chizuru smiled again. "But all in all, you were quite fortunate for the most part! Most of you were found and protected by kind people who protected you no matter what. Mundus Magicus must be full of good people willing to risk anything for strangers..."

"Um, no, actually, they were just that freakishly lucky," Louise pointed out. "Almost anyone else would have turned them in for the reward money."

"I can back that up," Erza nodded. "Pretty much anywhere, it'd have been the same."

"Well, my people wouldn't have turned them to any other authorities," Azula said. "They would have delivered them to my father, he'd have executed them, and only then, he'd have handed the corpses over to the rest of governments."

"Ummmm," Catarina fidgeted, not wanting to say anything bad about her compatriots (on second thought, maybe the Japanese were her compatriots again now? Her head-meeting hall hurt) that would make her sound petty and evil, but also unable to outright lie.

Sakurako smiled. "They spent so long around me that some of it rubbed off on them, naturally!"

"Then why the two of us got it worse than anyone?!" Misa protested. "We're your roommates, for God's sake!"

Chizuru paused, then laughed lamely. "Ah, ha ha... W-Well, all the same, we'll make sure to repay your kindness accordingly... Boy! Get off Ayaka immediately, will you?!"

"I'm trying, seriously, believe me...!" Romeo Conbolt gasped from where Ayaka kept on tightly hugging him and pressing him against herself from behind...

 

[OverMaster]

To hell with you.

"Poor, misguided, lost soul," Superman pondered sadly, hovering above the smoking crater. "I only hope he's found peace at last..."

---

The old man with the long white beard adjusted his golden glasses as he looked at his huge book. "Well, your intents were always pure and virtuous, after all. We see no reason to deny you access to Heaven. Welcome, son."

"What? Yes! Bizarro was always bad! Bizarro deserves Hell! This am unfairness to Bizarro! And me am happy about it!"

The old man raised a hand placatingly. "Now, now, calm down. This is supposed to be site of perfect, eternal bliss..."

"ME AM IN BLISS!" the hulking man bellowed, punching him through those pearly gates. "Why wouldn't I?! You gave me exactly what me wanted...!"

---

The devil frowned as he looked at the huge blue and red blur constantly zooming from one side of his domains to the next, constantly putting fires out and rescuing his demons from the flame and torture pits they were supposed to be working at.

"Fear not, noble men! Me am Hell's greatest hero! Me save you from your victims!"

The devil tapped a hoof down. "I'm starting to think they did this on purpose..."

---

Bizarro grinned, as he shrugged his massive shoulders goofily. "And so, they no sent me back down here, and no tell me I always go back! Me am not betting you am sad, wrong?"

Superman, again hovering with him over the ruins of yet another battle, facepalmed. "In a way, yes, I am..."

 

[OverMaster]

The Men who Didn't Laugh.

Two hulking, drooling inmates held him from behind in the laundry room while Harvey came closer.

Joker grinned. "So... what's this about, Harv?"

He grunted, rubbing his knuckles. "Don't play the idiot. We heard of what you just did to Gordon and his daughter."

"Ah, yes, but that's something only Crusading Dent would care about," the Joker argued. "I thought that man was dead already? So much for that idea then, what a pity. Did you flip the coin already?"

"We don't need that."

The guard stood right outside, by the door, whistling and minding his own business.

Joker frowned. "You didn't? What gives?"

"You don't get it, Joker..." Two-Face shook his head. "The coin's flipped only when we need a tie breaker. When we can't get along on something. However, he..." he pointed at the right side of his face, "still really cares about Jim and Barbara. And he..." he growled, now pointing at the hideous burns all over the left side, "will just love beating you up for the mere sake of it."

"You know I'm just going to enjoy this, right?"

"What a coincidence. So will we. No need for a flip for this either, then," Harvey said, and gave him a first blow to the stomach.

 

[OverMaster]

With Faint Praise.

"There must be something, anything, good about me that you can recognize!" Mordred despaired. "Some due you can grant me! I know you can! And you should! I couldn't be all that awful, otherwise you'd have tried to strike me down already...!"

Artoria thought about it, then placed a hand on Mordred's shoulder and said solemnly, "You are no Ruber."

And she walked away.

Shirou blinked. "Um, was that... good or bad?"

"Good in a bad way, or bad in a good way. I'll tell you for sure when I figure it out myself," Mordred said dryly.

 

[OverMaster]

Sightseeing with Ayaka and Lala.

The whole village was reduced to rubble by the time they arrived.

"Who... Who could've done something like this?" the blonde wondered, gasping aghast at the devastation. "Such inhumanity...!"

Lala sounded oddly serious, void of her ever present joy, when she finally answered. "War is everywhere, not too far, in any world one goes to... War must be implemented, sometimes, even to establish peace... That's the way it is."

"N-No..." Ayaka teared up, stopping by a small body half buried by wreckage. "There can't be any justification for this..."

With tears in her eyes, she crouched down by the girl, barely any older than Mizore, and closed her eyes gently, with a hand.

Ayaka was still shaking, with a silent Lala standing behind her, when a man in armor holding a long staff walked out of the mists, growling at them.

"Hey, you two! Who are you?! Where did you come from?! This area's off limits! To the ground, now! You aren't supposed to--"

Lala sighed, turning around towards him. "Ayaka. You might want to look elsewhere."

"Yes. Yes, I do," Ayaka decided, closing her eyes and squeezing the small cold hand.

"Okay, you bitch, you asked for it!" the man said, raising the staff and shooting several glowing pulses at Lala's chest, from which they bounced harmlessly.

Lala frowned, shot an arm forwards, and firmly grabbed him by the helmet.

They left the dead town right afterwards. Always keep moving.

Don't look back. It's the best for you.

 

[OverMaster]

Taigarfield.

"Hello!" the young man smiled at the audience. "My name's Emiya Shirou, and I'm a hero of Justice. This is my cat, Taigarfield."

Hello, the fat striped cat glared at the audience. My name's Taigarfield, I'm a cat, and this is Shirou, my hero of Justice.

He bowed. "Our only thought is to entertain you."

Feed me, Shirou, she said.

 

[OverMaster]

Biology Lessons.

"No. No, no, no, I can't do it!" Little Ayaka winced, dropping her knife and letting her frog slip away across the table. "I can't kill this poor little animal...!"

Then she glared at Little Chisame, who was coldly slicing her own frog's stomach for the vivisection. "How can you even bring yourself to do that...?!"

"I called him Pepe," a detached Chisame explained.

Of course, Ayaka had NOT just had her first experience visiting an image board, so she didn't understand.

 

[OverMaster]

The Apple of my Eye.

"Mirror, mirror in the wall," the Queen icily intoned. "Tell me, who is the most beautiful in Mundus Magicus of them all?"

"Where once you would have been, now another stands," the face in the mirror grimly said. "From long ago in the time's sands, a greater beauty has returned, with the blood of a queen."

The monarch exploded into rage. "What?! I demand to know who is that!"

---

"Oh, there you are, Asuna," Negi said. "Where'd you been this whole time?!"

"Oh, don't baby me, Negi!" she said, smacking her lips together. "I've been talking with this really nice lady who gave me all these apples for free, can you believe it?!"

Yue eyed the basket of mostly already eaten apples suspiciously. "You didn't really wait for us, right? Not that I mind, under the circumstances, I don't feel like eating anything given to us by random strangers."

"Oh, don't be like that, Yue," Asuna said, wiping her mouth with the back of a hand. "Granny, you tell them, you're on the-- Huh," she glanced back at where the odd looking old lady now was on her back on the grass, with a bitten apple in her hand. "Are... Are you okay, Ma'am? You don't look like--"

An exasperated Louise snatched the basket off Asuna's hands and threw it the hell away.

 

[OverMaster]

Drink You Under the Ancient, Norse Table.

"Iiiiiiii dun't gwet ittt," Mana slurred angrily. The sky above was starry, and most other students were already pulling back to go sleep, Chao's 'farewell party' finished. "Huw culdh yuhhhh...?"

A stone cold sober Skuld, sitting across her at the table, blinked. "Ohhhh... Oh, now I see! You didn't know! Well, Belldandy, Urd and I can't get drunk with anything but soda. No matter how much we drink," she shrugged and took another chug. "I'd beat Cousin Thor at it all the time, it always drove him crazy... But how comes you didn't know? You're a demon!"

"HAWF D'MONN!" Mana growled, while Kaede smirked and took photos. "Nut wike I wuz ever wuvingly told much bah mah shtupid shishsters! Or that I b'thered to ashk!"

"Well, that's not my fault," Skuld said. "You still lost the bet. Now pay up!"

Negi approached, frowning. "You're punished," he told Skuld. "Minors can't drink liquor, much less on school grounds!"

"We've gone through this before, I'm actually millennia old..."

Negi pointed at the hiccuping, messed up Mana. "SHE is actually fifteen, though! And you let her drink...!"

Skuld winced and crossed her legs tightly. "We'll talk about this later, okay? Gotta go! I can't get drunk but I'm not immune to the OTHER effects of a drinking spree!"

 

[OverMaster]

Kiddy Stuff.

Asahina looked over her shoulder, in that way of hers, so annoying.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

Touko grinded her teeth. "Isn't it obvious even for the likes of you? I'm writing..."

"Yeah, yeah, you're always writing. I mean, what are you writing?"

Fukawa sulked in silence for a few moments before replying truthfully. "I'm trying to write something Negi-sensei can read."

Asahina looked again. "You haven't gone too far, have you?" So annoying.

"... I'm having some trouble not putting any murders in. Your presence isn't making it any easier."

"Well, why don't you leave them there?!" Aoi asked. "He's ten! He must've played Doom and Mortal Kombat and watched Rambo already..."

"Sensei isn't that pedestrian sort of child!-!-!"

"... but you really can't write fluffy light kiddy stuff, can you?"

Touko chewed nervously on her lower lip, struggling with the task at hand. "Shut up! Of course I can, I can write anything, I--!"

"Remember Roald Dahl," Kirigiri said emotionlessly, as she casually walked by and disappeared as soon as she'd arrived.

"...who?" Aoi blinked while Touko tensed up.

---

Negi smiled at her. "Thank you, it was a truly captivating read," he congratulated her. "But I liked all the shocking suspense parts the best..."

"E-Even the beatings?" Touko stuttered.

"Oh, I'll never forgive the beatings!"

And Touko's heart soared.

 

[OverMaster]

The Secret, Unveiled!

"I have figured it out," Percy said.

We looked at him. "What have you figured out?" I asked him.

"Batman," he said, very serious, and setting his glass down. "I know who's Batman."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Jazz said. "How could you know who's--"

"Matches Malone," Percy interrupted him.

Now all of us were looking at him. "Seriously?" I asked.

"Look at him. Same build, same jaw, and he's even got the same growl to his voice, even though he tries to sound different," Percy grumbled, pouring himself another glass. "It struck me this morning, right after waking up, and I've been thinking it all day long..."

"Malone has a moustache, though. Batman doesn't," Collins said. To be fair, while I wasn't believing Percy's shit either, Collins is a fucking idiot.

Percy looked as if he wanted to toss the rest of his drink on Collins' face. "Trust me, I've seen Batman far closer than any of you guys. Bastard was questioning me for half a hour in that fucking warehouse, but the joke's on him, I paid good attention the whole time. Memorized his every tick, his every gesture, all of his body language shit. Malone, he's Malone, no matter how good he fancies himself as an actor!"

"Why would Malone put on a stupid costume and--" Jazz began.

"I don't know, who cares! Maybe he just does that to eliminate the competition! Has Malone ever been caught by that freak?! Think about it! How convenient!"

"Okay," I humored him. "And what good is that for you? How does it help you anyway?"

"I'm going to sell the info," smiled Percy.

"To whom? The Joker?" asked Collins.

"Are you crazy? That freak would only kill me! No, I'm going to approach a rational big guy with a good head on his shoulders and money to spare. I'm going to tell Bane..."

We didn't see Percy for weeks after that, until they found him floating in the bay with a snapped neck. Maybe one of them freaks got him before he could deliver. Maybe Bane didn't believe him, or something. Or maybe, just maybe, he was right after all and Malone silenced him, who knows?

Nah. Jazz's completely right, why would Malone ever do something like that?

---

Author's Note:

If you're asking yourself, Bane killed him, by the way. After all, Bane already knows, but it's also in his own best interests that secret stays as restricted as possible.

 

[OverMaster]

My Heart, Her Heart.

Finally, Sensei drifted away from the rest of us, to take a few moments alone, idly walking under the bright sun while all the others chattered and bickered.

So I did it before Haruna could.

"Go now," I told Yue, touching her shoulder.

"Ah," was all Yue said, just staring at his back from afar.

"But, if you really don't want to--" I began, perhaps too eager for some reason.

"No, it's not a matter of wanting to," Yue sighed, collecting a deep breath before walking off after him.

"Ah, Yue-san," he said, turning back to look at her. "What is it?"

"Uh..." she lowered her gaze, even as Paru and Kotaro-kun approached me from behind, taking notice and looking over my shoulders. "Se-S-S-S-Sensei..."

Negi-sensei blinked. "Do you feel alright, Yue-san?"

"Er... Um... Well... That is," my eloquent best friend said, reduced to a blushing, stuttering block of carved wood, and making my heart bleed from the inside.

He gulped, as if bracing himself. He'd been exposed to far too much, by now, to be the same kind of boy Erebus-san was. For better or worse. At least, I wanted to believe so. I wanted to believe he couldn't be that clueless about what she was feeling.

"I love you, Negi-sensei," Yue said, and I heard Haruna's soft coo as my eyes watered against my best will. "Nothing would make me happier than if I could be your girlfriend... I know how silly of me that is, but, still... I can't hide it anymore. I... I love you that much."

"Y-Yes... I know..." he swallowed.

Haruna squeezed my shoulder. She knew, too. We all knew. This had to be done regardless, but it made it no less of a formality in the face of fact we already were well aware by now. Apparently, after all, including Sensei himself.

"Thank you very much, Yue-san. I'm flattered... and I don't deserve it." He shook his head sadly, even while I could hear Kotaro's low grumbling agreement, which was dispatched by me with a slight elbow to the stomach. "But... I'm in love with someone else. So I'm so very sorry!" he added, bowing as deeply as he could to her, his voice cracking loudly. "B-B-But, um, I... That doesn't mean I dislike you at all, or anything! I really respect you so much! You've done so much for me, and that means so much to me, that I couldn't--!"

Yue smiled sadly through her tears, and gently grabbed his paling hand. "I knew that already. You don't have to apologize over anything. Thank you for being so honest with me. But now... you've got to be honest with her as well."

Even if she knew as well. Again, at least, I wanted so much to believe that. Or else I'd really have to get angry at that girl.

"Good luck, Negi-sensei," Yue said, and placed a small kiss on his forehead. "You can do it."

That heartbreak in her face as he turned around and went away after thanking her in turn, it might have been mine, had things taken another turn from how we started.

Even so, and even as Kotaro-kun held my hand as we walked over to Yue's side, and my eyes never left her subtly pained expression, I still felt as if my heart was shattering almost as much as hers.

 

[OverMaster]

The Resemblance.

Negi sat, depressed, crestfallen, on the porch of the Mikado household, under a lazy, grayishly red afternoon sky.

Tsukuyomi craned her neck out of the house to see what Asuna and Yue were looking at. "What's wrong with him now?" the assassin asked.

Yue gave a small sigh. "It seems his memories of Chisame are starting to come back. Which means that now, naturally, he misses her..."

"Oooohhh, I see. And now you want to see him happy again?" the bespectacled girl mused evilly.

"More than anything else in the world," Yue shared honestly, despite Asuna's subtle glare at her to NOT show any emotional vulnerabilities around the psycho.

Said psycho smirked in a very cute way. "I can help with that! But it'll cost you an extra!"

---

"Oh, so you were regaining your memories of me after all," Chisame frowned at the Negi she'd just scared into fully remembering, as detailed in a previous snippet. "That's... good to know, I guess. Thanks, I think. But, what did she do that--"

Tsukuyomi grinned, grabbing Asuna by the hair and pulling her twintails back into a ponytail, and then shoving her spare pair of glasses on the groaning Asuna's face. "Didn't you learn anything from the tale of how I disguised myself as Makie-han, Hasegawa-han? I'm an expert on impersonation!"

Chisame stared on then, with hugely wide eyes.

---

Somewhere else, Ayaka woke up with a loud shriek that would have chilled any sensible soul to its core.

Lala merely opened an eye from the next bed. "What happened?" she calmly asked the panting and wheezing blonde, who trembled in nocturnal terror.

"We... We must find Negi-sensei and Asuna-san before they and Chisame-san fall into doing something that I should've seen coming all along!"

"... eh?"

"How could I never notice before...! Two drops of water, after a makeover...!"

---

Yet somewhere else, next to a campfire in the wild, a half-annoyed, half-intrigued Matoi woke up as well. "Asuna-san? That's weird, I'd never noticed it, but I suppose that, when one pays attention to her... No, no, that way madness lies. Ah! Sensei! I thought we'd agreed you'd stay up watching over the fire!" she scolded the figure hanging from a nearby tree.

 

[OverMaster]

Just the Flu, Sis.

Misora tried to smile for her as she approached the bed.

"Hey, Chisame," she greeted casually. "You look better than I expected! I told Cocone-chan Negi-kun was just exaggerating, he just panics whenever it's about you..."

The bedridden girl just glared silently at her, then sniffled loudly.

Misora's smile turned into a grin. "Hey, why so blue? Just look at it this way: You always liked going viral!"

---

Misora walked out of the room with a black eye. "She's feeling much better now," she told the assembled girls while Konoka sighed, got up from her chair, and walked to her.

 

[OverMaster]

A Lot to Bare.

"Mom, I've something I must tell you," Chisame said while Sora just looked aside. "Over the last year, we've been helping Negi-sensei, who is a mage, to fight magical beasts, demons and rogue warlocks and wizards. Then we had relationships with him, and these babies we told you we've been babysitting? They're our firstborn. See, they look this old because we've spent several months in a different magical dimension where time passes differently. And this girl behind me? I lied about her too, she's not my club secretary. She's my stalker."

"Deep lover," the girl standing behind Chisame corrected soft but firmly.

Their mother gave a single, slow blink over the table. "Oh... I see. Which one is Negi-sensei, again? The suicidal one?"

 

[chiufan95]

"Oh... I see. Which one is Negi-sensei, again? The suicidal one?"

Click to shrink...

Addendum.

"No. He's the other suicidal one." She delivered dryly.

 

[OverMaster]

Crisis on Infinite Apartments.

Apartment One:

He's got all the money in the world. He really doesn't need to come here.

But he's just come from a messy divorce, and he says he's attached to this place from long ago. From before us. Like, way before us.

Two-bit wannabe supervillains come every day to meet him, to ask for advice, to be coached on the laugh. Nuisances, all of them. Yet he takes the time to meet every last one of them, ever eager to sign an autograph book, to quote himself, to play one of his scenes for them. I swear I've memorized the damn Killing Joke mirror house speech already just from the times I've passed by his front door, because he never bothers to close it. He loves having an audience more than anything else.

I heard he's dating another girl now, one who probably could be his granddaughter or something.

And they call me a pedo.

Apartment Two:

Things have been kind of rough for us since the series was closed. We still get cameos every once in a while, especially him, but it's nowhere the same, of course.

For a while we were starring in an ongoing fanfic-- fanfics barely pay anything, but it's still better than anything-- but then the author got an existential crisis or something. That's the way it usually is with fan authors, they never finish anything. Then again, sometimes, official authors don't either. Just our luck, that both things happened to us.

Negi's taken to teaching in a small school a few blocks away while we figure out what to do, and Hakase does repairs and fixes by online request. She's actually supplying most of the income nowadays, actually, even though she really doesn't work in manga or animation anymore. I'm a blogger now, but even that has kind of dried out. Something happened to the Internet. The days of actually setting a proper page with care and efficiency are gone, it's all about the instant gratification of the twitter and instagram now. Whatever you can fit in your phone or portable as you go around. I feel so freaking old. And I'm still just fifteen. This is going to be a long, grueling proccess.

Life goes on, somehow.

Apartment Three:

"We heard about the cancellation," Negi told the next door neighbor as we stopped by his doorstep. "We're so very sorry."

"Huh? Oh, that," the duck said, then waved a white hand at us. "Don't worry, I've got a new deal going. Seth Rogen's going to be producing a new series, all of my own, can you believe it?" He smiled. "I won't have to piggyback on another's spotlight like a secondary!"

... well. I guess he deserves it after spending like two decades out of a job. That's one advantage of being American and working for other Americans, they're always going to hire you again eventually, even if it's just to recycle your old stuff. As if that mattered, as long as the checks clear.

For us, it's kind of different, most of the time. Once you're done, you're generally done, unless you're a Tenchi haremette or something like that.

And speaking of that...

Apartment Four:

I'm not saying that Senpai has a hard time moving away from his first woman. I'm writing it.

Much like the Joker's wife... or concubine, I guess... she just got too popular for the relationship to work. Difference is, while the clown's always stood relevant, Senpai, well, not so much. There's technically his older self, and that other guy using a copy of his body, but... not the same thing. Senpai claims that doesn't bother him, and that he'll always wish Saber-san well in her ongoing new enterprises along all her other different selves. He says he's moved on, and in a way, I suppose that's true...

"Ah, Praetor, what a beautiful day for a date all through this majestic city...!" she coos as they walk out of the building, passing by next to us, the blonde making sure we see her hugging his arm as she mashes her large breasts against his side. "You spoil me so much, even if rightfully...!"

... but I also can't help but thinking that he's just compensating with the next best thing. Then again, perhaps the same can be said about her.

 

[OverMaster]

Inspired by the recent Carnival Order special.

---

Sun and Games.

He stood on the snow, with wide open arms and a large, pleased smile on his face. Eyes closed, he basked on the light wrapping him in its warmth.

"Ah, the sun!" the blond man said. "The Sun at last! Invigorating me back, with all the might we share...!"

Clark groaned and took his cape off. This hadn't been what he'd expected when he answered the League's distress call warning him of those massive explosions in the Antarctic.

"I'm glad for you, sir," he said, offering the cape to the contented blonde amidst the snow blanketed smoking ruins. "If anyone can understand a healthy appreciation for the Sun, that's me. But please, cover yourself with this while I bring you some pants!"

 

[OverMaster]

A Reclamation.

Someone knocked at the doors of Chaldea.

Every Heroic Spirit and the few staffers left tensed up in attention.

Fran of all people was the one who made it there first. Never fearing, she opened them before anyone could say otherwise. She cocked her head aside and, through the thick bangs of red, looked at the stranger standing on their doorstep.

"Uuuu?"

The red haired young man under several thick layers of coats and jackets, a scowl barely visible between his fur hat and the scarf, huffed. There was a single, yet noticeably large streak of white in the front of his hair. "Where's Artoria Pendragon?"

Chaldea's original Saber walked closer, blinking. "Shirou? What are you even doing her--"

"It was far faster than running all the way up to Avalon, okay?!"

Merlin pouted. "Booo, you aren't fun at all, lad...!"

 

[OverMaster]

Idea Takeover.

"Gawrsh, Mickey," Goofy said. "I've heard we're gonna make an Aliens movie now?"

The small plucky mouse gave one of his light hearted falsetto laughs. "Well, yeah, you know, Goofy, we bought that franchise with the rest of FOX, so we've gotta do something with it."

Somewhere else, Gyro Gearloose pulled on special gloves and googles. "Please, please forgive me..."

"Personally," Mickey said, "that's not the kinda stuff I'd rather focus onto, but the investors aren't gonna let a property go to waste, so what else can we do?"

"Ahhhh," Goofy said. "All the same, we ain't going to just half-doin' it, right?"

Gyro stepped behind a thick protective shield along Ludwig von Drake. "I wish it could've been different, but someone has to do it..."

"Goodness, no!" Mickey said, a fist on his heart. "For shame, Goofy! You know that in this company, we put our whole heart on everything we do! You can be reassured, right as we speak, our experts are ironing out the best darn Aliens movie our audiences can enjoy..."

Goofy smiled. "Maxie'll be glad to hear that! Boy, he sure loves those movies!"

"Awwwwwkkk... Wwwaackkkk!" Donald Duck shivered and sweated, straining against his manacles on the metal table, with all the cameras and lighst of the laboratory focused on him.

Mickey smiled back. "Don't worry, Goofy! The studios will be putting all their effort into this, ha ha! We're studying every angle, with plenty of previous research... so Max will get the movie experience of his life, yessir!"

Donald screamed in agony as the bloody thing erupted through his chest.

 

[OverMaster]

Apartment Five:

We've never seen the man who lives in the fifth apartment. The housekeeper calls him 'the Doctor', refuses to talk about him without mumbling too much to understand, and leaves a plate full of food for him every week at his doorstep.

He's ever silent and quiet, and if not for the stark blue light you can see coming out of his window at nights if you're standing on the sidewalk, you might be forgiven for thinking there's nobody living there.

The Joker seems to know who he is, but when asked-- Negi tried that once, because he was just that curious about it-- the Joker just laughed and laughed and answered nothing.

And they call me a shut-in.

Apartment Six:

Morisato-senpai and us were working in the same fanfic, the one I just told you about, for a while-- in several ways, our careers ran parallel. He's an old friend of my older sister, and much like us, his career dried up once his series was over. He always was a dreamer and saved little, and his high maintenance girlfriend left him to perform in NTR doujinshi.

Not a pretty story, that. Maybe he kinda deserves it though, since, I suspect that, like most Japanese men, he's a lolicon. Okay. So maybe I am a shotacon and I have no right to talk. Still, I'm fifteen, I've been for the last thirteen years, and he's been twenty for the last thirty years, so he definitely should know much better than I. Instead, he's now living with his ex-girlfriend's loli sister. Granted, she's nice enough to work with, all things considered. And it might not be Senpai's full fault-- we're much like our writers, and his writer is a real box of issues in the world above, yours.

Skuld-chan seems to know who's living in the fifth apartment, too. She damn should, they're next door neighbors after all. And she claims knowing everything, dubious at it may be.

I guess maybe I should give her kind of a pass on that arrogance, too. It can't be good, living under the shadow of someone who's perfect. I know, even if I created my perfect annoyance myself when I created Chiu.

Skuld's was sort of pushed onto her from the start.

Apartment Seven:

Mr. Markham will never be in a Spider-Man movie.

Other than the Joker, and maybe the guy in the fifth apartment, we're has-beens or second stringers, but Mr. Markham's whole claim of infamy is being the biggest loser out of all of us. Others in the building are much less known... I'm not above realizing I might be one of those, too... but his whole shtick is that he's a laughable never-been, never-will-be. A joke character. His apartment always smells of old wet fur when you pass by it, his floors are always creaking above our ceiling, and he's always mooching off the Joker, who seems to feel an odd sort of disgusted pity for him. I don't like him myself, either, even if he's never done anything to us.

I imagine he was created to have that manner of effect. Or he might have just turned out that way regardless. I don't know, and I don't care to learn.

I'm not sure he even has other clothes than that stupid fursuit. I've never seen him wearing anything else.

No wonder he'll never be in a Spider-Man movie.

Apartment Eight:

In the seventies, as I understand from what Haruna explained to me once, there were several horror guests for American comics, guys who took their cues from the really old, cheesy stuff from the fifties. You know, that old Tales from the Crypt TV series? As I understand, the host in that one came from those books, the difference being that he made enough fame and saved enough as to live in the nice part of town now, and Uncle Creepy now has to bum it up in the building.

Uncle Creepy-- that's how he likes being called, not that we're related, thank God, unless that Darkenning guy didn't tell me something back when I was working for him-- usually sits by the front door of his apartment on an old rocking chair, decaying and grinning a wide mouth full of loose teeth, with an open book on his lap. Not even a laptop, for Kami's sake. He'll cackle at us when we pass by and ask us to stop by and sit down, to listen to "a chilling thriller from the bold pages of yore... something to put the fear of the Devil in your veins, hee heee!"

I've told Negi not to associate with him. Even if he most likely can't get it up, he's still probably a molester.

Tales from beyond the grave, my ass. The real terrors of the world are of a different nature.

 

[OverMaster]

International Relations.

"You know, Veronica-san, I must say I'm impressed..." Ayaka said at last, quietly watching the blonde talking to both red haired boys. "I'd never imagined this Betty-san you mentioned so much looked so much like you...!"

Veronica laughed. "She? Oh, please, Ayaka! We aren't alike at all! Poor Betty just can't compare or compete! I'll admit she's not exactly bad looking in her own class, but when put next to me...!"

Ayaka blandly looked at one of the girls she'd brought with her. "Chisame-san, please take a pic of Betty-san and edit black hair on her."

Without a word, the ponytailed girl with glasses took a photo of Betty with her cellphone, quickly transfered it to her laptop, and her fingers danced over the keys, skillfully, a few times. Then she showed the screen to Veronica.

Veronica's eyes widened.

---

Hiram Lodge sat far apart from the boys and girls, folding his arms and looking at the sea past the beach. Then he felt a harsh, sharp glare falling directly on him from behind.

He glanced back to his daughter. Well, the black haired one anyway."What?!"

 

[OverMaster]

Our Hero!

"Looking for who? Oh, yes, Negi," Illya said, still counting her latest handful of money. "Yes, yes, starting next week, once we've fully established ourselves here..."

Nodoka frowned and gestured towards the large crowd gathered right outside to pay tribute. "You mean, establishing ourselves more than this?!"

"Hey, we aren't still there, just yet, to launch a search campaign all over a world that fears and hates us!" the homunculus lectured, crossing her legs over the desk. "Besides, we also need to make sure none of them's planning to betray us..."

Nodoka glanced back over her shoulder, at the lovesick masses chanting their names.

"Illya-chan! Illya-chan! Our savior!"

"Please marry me, Nodoka-samaaaaaa!"

"This is my firstborn, please bless him, I beg of you!"

Nodoka sighed. "I'm not sure how much more loyalty would you expect from these poor-- huh?" Then something caught her attention amidst the grateful locals they'd saved from the local warlords, and she quickly headed for the gates of their new palace. "C-Could it be...?"

Illya blinked. "Hey... Nodoka? Wh-What are you doing, dumb girl?"

"Ah! Ryouga-san!" Nodoka ran out towards the man she'd just recognized, as everyone else cleared a wide path for her and bowed. She threw herself into his arms. "Ryouga-san...!"

The confused man blinked. "N-Nodoka-chan? What are you doing here?"

She blinked back at him. "Ah? Ryouga-san, have you seen Paru and Yue yet? B-Because you came looking for Paru, didn't you?"

He blinked again. "Did anything happen to Haruna-chan?"

"..." she said. And then, "You were aware we'd gone on a vacation at the very least, right?"

"Uh... no? I mean, I guessed you'd be, since it's summer, but I didn't know where, so I was going to visit Akane-san, since I was sure she'd be visiting and--"

"You could've called before going there, Ryouga-san!"

"Eh-heh-heh, sorry, I lost my cellphone, and I was heading to buy another, but then I lost my way, and... somehow ended up here, in... Turkey, right? Again, what in the world are you doing in Turkey, Nodoka-chan?"

Nodoka deflated with a miserable sigh while Illya approached, curious. "Oh, an old boyfriend of yours? I thought you were a shotacon!"

"Please, please, shut up, Illya-san..."

 

[OverMaster]

If you Kill your Enemy...

Hook grinned, cutting his first big, juicy slice off the plateful. "Ah, at last, Smee! How long I've waited for this day, to taste the retribution, to taste the-- the--" He suddenly winced and stopped at his first mouthful.

Smee blinked. "Something wrong, Cap'n?"

Hook reached into his mouth and pulled an old, dessicated finger out. "Confound it! Even after death, he manages to hurt me so...!"


---

Contagious.

Ritsuka glared over the table. "I blame you, Senpai."

Yu shrugged callously as, in the background, Ritsuko happily rode and caressed all over Red Hare. "What? Isn't this an improvement over your sister just harassing and molesting the female Servants all day long?"

A traumatized Elizabeth nodded and clung to Yu's arm. "We're in your eternal debt, our original horsefucking heroine."

"Cut that already, you!"

 

[OverMaster]

Defeat Means Friendship.

"Hey, gals!" Harley waved as she entered the apartment. "These are the Sailor Senshi from the other universe we were visiting!"

The large bunch of colorful young looking women scattered across the room drinking beer, eating pizza, playing cards and checking their cellphones glared at the newcomers.

Harley grinned at the Burns-verse Senshi while Ivy just left her shoes by the door. "Meet the gals! We left 'em looking after the place while we looked for Negs! They are the Ayakashi Sisters, the Witches Five, the Amazoness Quartet and the Sailor Animamates! And the Amazon Trio, well, they ain't gals, but they're our honorary girlfriends anyway!"

"I do identify myself as a woman, Harley," Fish Eye said coldly.

Ivy raised an eyebrow at the suddenly awkward looking visiting Senshi. "Oh. Let me guess... you dealt with them differently, didn't you?"

Makoto scratched the back of her neck uneasily. "We... We technically did befriend the Quartet, sort of... even if we haven't seen them in years..."

"I don't know who are you, but I think I don't like you already," Mimete bluntly said.

 

[OverMaster]

First Served.

A true queen never asks whether she could come over or not.

A real sovereign does not ask for permission.

She just takes what already was rightfully hers.

Still, just bringing the door down would be in bad form for a graceful queen, too, so Medb simply smiled as she elegantly rapped her knuckles on the door to Negi, Chisame and Hakase's room.

Much to her surprise, a smugly smiling Nero opened, wearing an open red robe to contrast Medb's fine pink one, still tied for the moment.

"Too late! The Emperor knows the value of striking early better than anyone!"

"Oh, for the love of--!"

---

"Huh. So you didn't get what you went there for, then?" Ritsuko asked from where she sat, with Red Hare petting her hair from behind.

Medb pouted. "Well, of course I joined in regardless! But it's not the same if you cannot claim being the first...!"

 

[OverMaster]

A Mother's Motherly Sense of Motherhood.

"Oh, him?" Raikou said. "No, I don't feel exactly compelled to care about this Negi-sensei. For starters, he is somewhat... how should I put it? Detached. Yes, detached is the word. One can tell he's the kind of boy who wouldn't give a thought to his mother for years."

"I see," Ritsuko said. "But still--"

"Oh, I know that a mother must be loving, no matter what, even if the child should prove ungrateful," the bigger woman said. "That's the true measure of a mother, her capacity for self-sacrifice. But also, he has plenty of mother figures already, and doesn't need me anyway. Not the way you and your brother do, for instance."

Ritsuko nodded slowly. "I see. And that's why--"

Raikou smiled, tightening her arms around the body of the small boy currently squeezed under the bulk of her breasts. "Yes, there's only so much this humble retainer can do, after all! So I've decided to focus my love on worthier children in greater need for it! Such as your new little brother!"

Kotaro waved his arms around, trying to escape. "Neesan, please save me...!"

 

[OverMaster]

Apartment Nine:

This one, this one's rented by these two mobster guys. I keep telling Negi that we really need to move out of this dump as soon as we get the chance, there's too many criminals and low key villains living here. I swear, I pray we get to do it before Sakurazaki's girlfriend learns about it.

I think they had their own comic, one or two decades ago? I'm not sure, I don't think they hold a series anymore, so I suppose they've fallen back into character to earn a living. They're away most of the time, thank God, but every time they return I keep fearing a cop squad or mafia hitmen will burst in right after them. They certainly act like they're followed by those, most of the time.

They're creepy, too, and whenever they look at Hakase or me, it's clear what are they thinking. The little one is just a lustful dumb slot, with his Richard Nixon face and his clumsy attempts to sound slick and wordly, but the big one, the solid, stoic one, is even more grating in how chilling he is. I hope Kagurazaka never learns about him. He's exactly the kind of older asshole she'd fall for.

Apartment Ten:

There's Archie characters living all over the city-- they create so many, that you're bound to see fifth-and-sixth stringers of the bunch scattered pretty much everywhere. A few work at the supermarket, and if you'll give them any chance they'll start going on about how they once were drawn by Dan De Carlo, whoever that was.

Our resident one is Cricket-san, who had like two or three appearances in the sixties and then got a few new gigs ion the noughties, from what I understand. So I suppose I should call her Senpai, but I really don't want to. She's plenty annoying herself; she reminds me of several of my classmates in that she has this single character shtick and relies on it to get anything done. Her particular gimmick is that she's greedy and very loving of money and can smell a coin or a bill anywhere, and, well, that hasn't aged well in the era of digital money.

I think she likes Negi, too. Big surprise.

Apartment Eleven:

Now, Zelgadiss-san, I can tolerate, and even respect. He's considerate, he never throws wild parties despite having that kind of friends, and while he can be kind of curt, not that I can talk, I suppose, I prefer that to someone being openly chummy and sticky. He's my kind of neighbor, yeah. Just sticks to his affairs and won't nose into yours.

As a matter of fact, he's so quiet and reserved that I don't have much to say about him, which is always weird to say when talking about magical men made of stone. Go figure.

Apartment Twelve:

I refuse to say much about Minase-senpai and his cousin. I mean, it's not like I'm a prude; I've done my fair share of ecchi. And I realize they didn't even use to make the most screwed up kind of hentai. Still, just associating with them is trouble.

Seriously, you can't get too close to those people if you ever wish for some kind of career comeback. Negi sympathizes with them, probably because he can see himself on anyone raised by an older cousin who might as well be a sister, and probably just because he's Negi, but... no, sorry, that kind of life squeezes everything out of you and leaves you a dry has-been worse than pretty much anything else in the business.

Even though, I guess, that's a lost cause for us by now, regardless.

 

[OverMaster]

Minase A Trois.

She sits in the darkness of her room, chanting lowly.

There's a knock on her door.

"Who is that?" the black haired girl asks, never opening her eyes.

"It's me," a young man's voice says. "Sayoko-chan, Yukiko says the dinner's almost ready."

"Huhhh," Sayoko says non commitally, her hand hovering over the circle she's drawn on the bedroom's floor.

The young man's voice pauses. "By the way, Sayoko-chan, you wouldn't happen to have seen a book I brought yesterday, right? An old thing, it's falling apart..."

"No, Taki-Oniichan," she says. "I haven't..."

There's another pause. "Okay, just asking. Don't take long," he grumbles, and she can hear his steps shuffling away.

Sayoko fixes a big vacant grin and looks at the beautiful light she's just produced. The book open in her other hand.

Ah, yes, there is potential in this. She will ignore all the icky sexual stuff with demons she's found, she's not THAT kind of girl, but there's much to do with the rest of what she's translated over the night, in this book-filled room of hers. So much.

"Just wait until Santa-kun learns about this..."

 

[OverMaster]

The Hero's Journey.

Shirou sat by the window and waited, looking at the nocturnal sky.

He sat there for hours, just waiting, his eager smile fading slowly.

---

Shirou stared at the television.

The news only talked about the recent gossip regarding Bruce Wayne and socialitie Jezebel Jet, plus the reformed Riddler's new talk show and the incoming Gray Ghost movie.

---

Shirou dropped by the burly men surrounding the granny at the otherwise lonely bus stop.

"Okay, leave her alone!" he growled through his ski mask. "Or else I'll have to--"

The old lady frowned, then walked up to him and slapped him across the head. "Hey, ya punk! Whatcha think yer doin'?! My kids just came to pick me home from my trip, ya moron!"

---

"-- not a single Arkham escape in two weeks, and I never ran into Batman, and I swear, it was the dullest experience I've ever had!" Shirou despaired as Rin patted his shoulder awkwardly. "Negi-sensei was right, vacations never go right...!"

Sakura walked in. "Hey, Neesan, they've just said the Joker's blown up half of Gotham, good thing Senpai's already back in the-- Ahhhhhh, you're even here by now, nice to see you again, Senpai..."