OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

Yukino's Happiness.

"Are you happy?" someone asked her suddenly, startling her.

Yukino's head snapped aside, and she swallowed further when she saw the tall, dignified woman in the white long sleeved blouse and the long skirt. "H-Hime-sama?!" she gasped. "What, what are you doing--"

"I spent far too long away from my son," Arika observed melancholically, looking at where Yukino had been staring moments ago. "Being apart from a loved one is always painful, isn't it? Even when it does not take that long, it feels like centuries."

Yukino lowered her gaze at her own feet. "Yes," she admitted. "Yes, it does. Who told you about--"

"Miss Erza did."

"Ah. Erza-san. Of course..." the student hewed slightly, pale lips tightening for a moment. Then she added, "As long as Haruka-chan is happy, so will I."

"She has a taxing path ahead of herself. All of them do," Arika warned, still looking longingly at where her son and the other four girls were arguing with Sextum.

"All the more reason, then, not to burden her with my personal feelings."

"And do you think that is fair to her?" Arika asked. "That she doesn't deserve to know?"

"It's not a matter of being fair or not," Yukino said very quietly. "It's about what is best for her."

"I imagine that you would know more on that subject than I would," Arika conceded.

"I mean," Yukino crossed her fingers on her knees. "It'd be nice, if she could know. I... I think I'd like that, even if she rejected me. At least it'd be something. At least I'd have told her."

Arika wrapped an arm around her shoulders and rested her hand on the girl's shoulder, tenderly. "Think about it, then."

"You're too kind. You shouldn't really worry, since we don't even compare..."

"Once upon a time," the queen mused sadly, "I waited too long to tell someone I loved him, to get over my hubris. That resulted on the time we actually spent together being far too short. I must say, I don't think, from my limited experience with her, that Haruka-san would be any more willing to hurt your feelings than Nagi was about mine."

"Please tell me about him," Yukino asked, just to change the subject.

Fortunately, Arika was all too glad to speak on the topic.

 

[OverMaster]

Unexpected Side Effects.

"Sakura!" Rin gasped as soon as her sister opened the front door. "What... What happened to you?!"

"Um, no, no, it's nothing!" Sakura blushed as she brushed back a few still wild strands of her oddly messy, now black hair. She was wearing nothing but a tied up bed robe and, tellingly, a slip from a different pair in each foot. "Asuna-san, she spent the night here, in a room her own, and convinced me to, ah, dye my hair..."

"Your eyes changed color too," Rin pointed out.

"Contact lenses! That I'm going to wear for the rest of my life...!"

Then Kagurazaka-kun exited their bedroom, pulling a jacket over the rest of her clothes. "Um, Senpai? That, that was wonderful, really, it was, but, I really must be leaving, Konoka must be sick worried, and I've got a route to meet, and your sister must be about to... ahhhhhh," she trailed off, noticing Rin's presence at last.

Rin stared on for a few moments.

Asuna stared back.

Sakura shrank between them with a small pained mewl.

"So, uh," Rin said uneasily at last, taking her shoes off, "I bought some cupcakes on my way back, maybe a few over breakfast won't hurt...?"

 

[OverMaster]

Callback.

Sextum peeked into his office.

"Negi," she said. "Remember that snippet we did years ago, about going to the then new President of the United States for help with the Project?"

"Oh, yes, and he gave us that spiel on building a wall to keep Mundus Magicus away and make America great again," Negi sighed, tapping a pencil on his forehead. "Huh, hard to believe it's been that long since, right? Time sure flies..."

Sextum nodded. "And through that whole time, not only our continuity didn't actually finish, but it barely advanced at all beyond disjointed gag segments..."

Negi sank on his chair miserably. "Please don't remind me..."

"Regardless," Sextum said, "now that there is another new President in what you call the 'White House', I believe that we should try again."

"You're right," he said, fixing his tie. "There's no way he can be as bad as the last one, much less any worse..."

---

Negi and Sextum sat on a huge crater at the middle of a radioactive wasteland, staring up, aghast, at a slowly falling Mars.

"People always have a way to surprise you, I suppose," Negi finally said very quietly.

 

[OverMaster]

Out on (Six) Limbs.

Hasegawa Chisame, Caragiri Jinako and Komori Kiri, all wearing facemasks, sat on a bench on an otherwise desert park, under a radiant sun.

"I don't know..." Jinako awkwardly broke the silence, eventually. "It's just that... when everyone's doing it, for some reason it feels like it loses the appeal, you know?"

"Mmm-hmmmm," the other two said.

 

[OverMaster]

Time and Time Again.

"A time machine, really?" Setsuna asked, squinting at the contraption Negi was holding by its chain.

"It's so small..." Konoka observed.

"Yes, shouldn't it be a platform we can stand on to be transported through time?" Ayaka questioned.

"Can we use it to go to the days of the Prohibition?" Asuna asked.

Ayaka blinked at her. "Excuse me, what have you just said?"

"Well, you know, back then, men really were men, roguish, rough handsome gentlemen wearing fine suits..." Asuna elaborated.

"What kind of demented, twisted logic is that?!" Ayaka demanded. "The mob?! Why would you want to get involved with the mob?!"

"Most mobsters aren't that bad, actually..." Shirou pointed out.

"For shame, Senpai, what kind of hero of justice are you?!" the heiress told him.

"Yeah, Asuna," Haruna said. "I mean, the Nazi uniforms were even hotter than those suits, but even I'm not villainous enough as to want going join the Axis. Besides, everyone knows the real mobsters from that era were hideous, with their flat heads, their prune faces, their huge lips, and those who weren't, just mumbled incoherently!"

Saber took the Cassiopeia in her hand, and her eyes shone. "Let us forget the Grail, then. With this, I can go back to Camelot, vanquish my sister and son, and then delete myself from existence..."

"Enough with the suicidal thoughts already, Saber-san," Itoshiki chastised her. "Leave them for those of us with real reasons to despair."

Negi sighed and pulled the watch back to himself. "It won't let us go that far back, Chao herself said it. It only can take us--"

"Far enough as to preventate Yukino from actually disappearing?" Haruka sked eagerly.

"A day back at most," Negi had to say, shaking his head while everyone, but especially Haruka, Saber and Asuna, made marked faces of disappointment.

"Man," Haruna said. "That isn't much of a time machine, is it? Chao really peaked with Chachamaru-chan..."

 

[OverMaster]

Theme Music Power-Up.

Negi gathered his breath as deeply as he could, then nodded. "Okay," he told his gathered, battered allies as the strange boy who claimed coming from the future somehow kept the Mage of the Beginning busy on his own. "Let's do this, then. Just in case, I'm thankful to you all, yes, including you, Tsukuyomi-san, for--"

"The Joker is taken a given for your thanks and I'm not?" Tsukuyomi interrupted.

Joker shrugged. "Maybe he's just thankful I'm here to die?"

"Negi, wait," Deadpool suddenly grabbed him by a shoulder. "Don't be silly, kid. We're definitely gonna win this as long as you do this cool thing!"

Ayaka glared at the sheet of paper he now held in a hand and scowled. "Are we supposed to kill him with a paper cut?"

"What? No!" the masked man said. "Let's see, which one of you can sing this song while we're assaulting that mysterious hooded mage who surely won't turn out to be anyone's father? I'd offer myself but really really want to be ineffective guns-a-blazin' at him, and I can't concentrate on both things at once anymore..."

Joker pointed at Batman. "This guy's an amazing singer, for real. You should listen to his 'Am I Blue?'"

Batman growled. "I'd rather not to."

Konoka looked at the ongoing battle again. "Maybe we should rejoin already... He's literally splattering that poor boy's skull against the ground... Oh yikes, like a smashed tomato, I can't heal that... Good thing it is't stopping him, I wonder if he just has no brains..."

"He looks the type," Chisame said dryly.

Natsu nodded. "I can confirm."

Misa snatched the sheet off Deadpool's hand. "Oh, what the hell, guess I can do it!" She squinted at the lyrics. "Hikaru kaze wo oikoshitara...?"

"Not yet! Not right now!" Deadpool urged as the rest of them all took their places. Daidouji Tomoyo, Akiyama Mio and Kosaka Chihiro discreetly edged closer to Misa and cleared their throats, ready to join in. "You begin as soon as we charge in, and make sure NEVER TO DROP IT until we're done, okay?! We should be done by the time you get to the last line, but don't rush it! Make it recording studio perfect, no pressure!"

"This is so bloody stupid!" Fukawa Touko cried, holding her scissors. "Like hell it's going to--!"

"Do as he says," the Joker said.

"Oh, as if YOUR endorsement makes it any--!"

"No, seriously, let's do just that," Akeno said.

"You too?! Shouldn't you be--"

Skuld sighed and ran a hand down her own face. "They're all correct, it should work in the theory...!"

And it did.

A pity that poor stupid looking kid disappeared right afterwards, though, as if he'd never existed at all. Skuld and Sailor Pluto seemed to know something about that, which they didn't want to share, too, but everyone was too busy snapping Negi out of his shock to try and grill them too much on it.

At least he'd gone with a smile, even if Evangeline had just found it really unlikable for some reason.

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally Redo of Healer, Take 2.

Negi shuddered, and his right eyebrow twitched. "Y-You... You couldn't possibly understand. All that happened... ll we lived through... we, we just had to do all of this..."

The pink haired woman smiled and patted his shoulder from behind. "Oh, don't be so gloom, Negi-sama! Be happy instead, you've met your friends again...!"

"Please introduce me to them, Oniisama!" the pink haired girl cooed, hugging his arm.

"It was all so horrible, this world needs to burn..." Asuna proclaimed ominously, the aura around her as black as that coming from Negi.

Yue nodded with eerie slowness. "Indeed... Everything belongs to righteous destruction, and our revenge..."

Skuld twitched in place several times, almost spasming. "They will see... the filly of sullying a daughter of Yggdrasil, a true Norn...!"

The catgirl with them raised a hand. "Question," she told Chisame and Haruka. "Maybe you can tell me why I'm named Setsuna? Because I'm fairly sure I wasn't before being bought by them..."

Haruka and Chisame sweatdropped awkwardly, as behind them and facing the other group, Fairy Tail flinched collectively.

Natsu wrinkled his nose. "Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww..."

Chisame looked wearily at Rito. "I'm quite afraid to ask you what they did to YOU, now."

Rito blinked and then shrugged his shoulders. "Me? Oh, nothing, actually! Everyone told me the sight of me disgusted them and nobody wanted to ever touch me, so they just put me on floor scrubbing duty and never paid me any actual attention..."

 

[OverMaster]

Don't Half Do Things.

"Ahhhh..." he looked down at the much shorter boy on his doorstep. "Yes?"

"Araragi-san," Negi Springfield bowed. "No doubt you remember me, we first met during the--"

"I've just helped your people fight a demon invasion from Mars, of course I remember you," Araragi Koyomi groaned, inviting him inside. "All the same, we barely know each other, so I have no idea why--" Then an eye glinted somewhat unnervingly under the thick bang of black hair covering it. "Has something happened to Konoka-chan, or Setsuna-chan...?"

"Setsuna-san actually advised me not to come here, actually," Negi said, briefly growing a bit colder in delivery, "but I still felt I needed to. You'll see, Asuna-san mentioned your... special circumstances, and also that you make a habit of sorts of helping others cope with their, shall we call them, oddities, and so I thought--"

"I only help cute girls though," the older boy sighed, relaxing back on the couch opposing that Negi had taken. "Why do you even need help anyway? We all saw you that day, fighting harder and better than anyone else until Superman arrived. Freaking Superman. You've got it made!"

"I'm... somewhat concerned about some of the recent developments I underwent to achieve that much," Negi admitted, lowering his gaze. "See, I had to train and attempt to become a creature of the night of sorts, much like you had a change of such a nature forced upon you. You had that change mostly undone but retaining some of its traits, while I never developed the full range of the transformation. So, I was hoping you could help me cope with those circumstances, and my uncertainty about them, as we are basically the--"

"You're still not a cute girl..." Koyomi mused aloud.

Negi glared quietly at him. "I'll tell Konoka-san."

A shudder ran up the back of Araragi's neck. "You brat. Okay, start talking, let's see if I can get anything of what you've gone through. I doubt it actually compares to my case though..."

 

[OverMaster]

The Cask of Amontillado, Epilogue.

"I hastened to make an end of my labour," the old man chuckled. "I forced the last stone into its position; I plastered it up. Against the new masonry I re-erected the old rampart of bones. For the half of a century no mortal has disturbed them. In pace requiescat!"

"Y'old fool," the other old man sitting by his side as he narrated grimaced, "nothing of that ever happened!"

"For the love of God, Montresor!" the narrator cackled, feebly slapping himself on a knee.

"You're senile, Montresor, you imbecile!"

""Yes," I said, "for the love of God!" he repeated, chuckling before breaking into a rough cough.

Fortunato threw his wrinkled hands up. "What did I ever do to deserve this...?!"

 

[OverMaster]

No Pants, No Service.

"It's just so frustrating!" Martha wheezed, running her fingers through her hair. "I can't get that child to put on some pants like a decent person her age!"

"I did it, once," Mash quietly confided her. "Just once, though, afterwards she's never wanted to put them on again..."

"Eh? Martha asked. "Did she tell you why?"

--

Jack smiled to herself as she passed by the desk of the Master, hips swinging ever so slightly in her new, fancy pants from Auntie.

Mum just ignored her altogether as he kept on working on his report for Da Vinci.

Her heart sank.

---

"She didn't want to say," Mash sighed. "I suppose that she just found them uncomfortable."

---


Jack smiled to herself as she passed by the desk of the Master, hips swinging ever so slightly in her usual old, same old attire.

Mum stopped working on his report for Da Vinci and looked intently at her lower back as she walked away.

Jack's smile grew silently.

 

[OverMaster]

Fantastic Beasts and their Hidden Meanings.

"My favorite animal?" Akira barely had to ponder the question at all. "Well, dolphins, of course, I love dolphins so much. Ah, to be surrounded by dolphins..."

Tohsaka Rin-senpai blushed. "You pervert..."

Akira was confused. "Ah?"

 

[OverMaster]

Villains Act, Heroes React.

Well, now this time, it really seemed to be over for good, Chisame tried to tell herself, even though she had thought the same thing at least three times before, and every other time, things had gotten worse. But this time, it seemed to be for real, since the shadows of what had been the Lifemaker's life essence seemed to flow out of their host and whimpered pitifully as they died, consuming themselves as they pooled at the feet of that person, who in turn seemed to shrink and collapse to his wobbly knees.

Ignoring Setsuna's cry, Konoka ran at that person's side with her Artifact prepared, even as the Lifemaker gave a few final sputtering sounds and began evaporating. Negi rested between Chisame and Asuna, coughing blood and reminding Konoka that he was in an even worse state. She began healing him both from his wounds and the effort of finishing the Mage of the Beginning with Asuna's help, as a stray burst of wind pulled the hood off the mysterious enemy's face.

And they all gasped.

For they were looking at the pale, bleeding, battered and yet placidly smiling face of that man in the movies Rakan had shown them.

Nagi Springfield, the Thousand Master.

Negi's father.

"Wha-- What?!" Negi wheezed.

"What?!" Chisame seconded.

"What," Asuna said.

"What...?" Konoka trailed off.

"What... What?" Arika's left eyebrow twitched.

"What. The fuck," Evangeline said.

"Wha-?!" was Misora's cry.

"What!" Ayaka squealed.

"¿Que?" pregunto Roberta.

"Whaaaaaat?!" Erza shouted.

"What the hell's this I don't even," Natsumi said.

"Dad?" Illya said.

"Daddy?" Siesta said.

"What the...?" Kotaro asked.

"Who's that?" Darkness blinked curiously.

"What?" Matoi asked.

"Ah!" Chiri said. "You were here?!"

"Yes, always," Matoi nodded.

"Why?" Haruka questioned.

"How?" was Yue's own question.

"What?" Keyaru squinted.

"The hell," Rito murmured.

"No, seriously, who's that supposed to be?" Kazuya asked.

"Why, though?" Lucy wondered.

Misa slapped herself on a knee, disgusted. "Oh, come on! Wasn't anyone else expecting this?!"

"I did, but I guess it's cooler to play along. What," Haruna offered dryly.

"What's the purpose?" Fuuka asked.

"What's the point?" Fumika asked.

"Father and son turned on each other! Unheard of!" Artoria gasped.

What a scumbag! Haruna's panda grandfather pulled a hand sign out, and Shinji's father nodded solemnly.

"Eh," Skuld grunted out a side of her mouth.

"Feh," Urd agreed.

"Bah, humbug," Webby's Uncle Scrooge fumed.

"For some strange, delirious reason I actually don't feel like actually despairing over this. I have no idea," Itoshiki admitted.

"You knew...!" Evangeline sizzled then, growing to adult form and grabbing Rakan by what remained of his collar.

Jack whistled innocently and rolled his eyes back. "Knowing about... What?" he asked, right before her fist caved his face in.

"Selfie!" Sakurako chirped, moving by Nagi's side to take a pic with him on her cellphone.

"Negi..." Nagi said then, dropping his head. "Kill me..."

"Um, Father-In-Law," Misa said, "in the event you haven't noticed yet, you're free from the posession now, you don't have to--"

"I know!" he said. "I just don't want to deal with any of you from now on!"

Arika frowned, stomped her way to him, and angrily slapped him over the head.

 

[OverMaster]

(Not so) Famous (Not So) Last Words.

"Okay," Chisame grumbled, as the starting screen appeared. "This is it, then. We've had enough wild adventuring in parallel worlds of magical crap, so now we're just taking a much needed break..."

"If you say so," Misora said blandly, as she sat around the large table with Cocone, Chisame, Chamo, Matoi, Negi and Hakase, each of them facing a laptop. "Sword Art Online, huh? Never heard of it before... I'm sure it must be a bore, then..."

 

[OverMaster]

The Shortest School Days Ever!

"Hey, Makoto!" Sekai approached him cheerfully after classes. "Guess what!" she grinned, holding his cellphone up. "You left this behind!"

Makoto blinked, then blushed and jerked it from her hand. "W-What the hell, Saionji! You'd better not--!"

"I did," she made a mischievous cat smirk, and then teased, "Oh, Makoto-kun likes Kotonoha-san, doesn't he...?"

"That, that's not it, and even if it were, that's not your--!"

Then she roughly pushed him against a wall and icily snarled to him. "Stay back bitch, I have my eye on her. She's mine, capice?"

And then she walked away, right as other students appeared, turning around the hallway's corner.

Makoto stared on after her blankly. "... where did that come from...?"

He ended up marrying Hikari and having a rather unremarkable life. His father was disappointed.

Pity about Kotonoha, Sekai and Setsuna and that three-way mutual jealous kill though...

 

[OverMaster]

To Love Who?

"There's something I never figured out about this series," Rito mused after the closing party. "Who the hell was Ru anyway?"

Lala glared quietly at him.

 

[OverMaster]

Take my Hand and Warm It.

"Doctor Fries," the boy still argued. "Please. Our project really needs your expertise for that detail to work. You're the world's greatest especialist in that particular field..."

"So just tell Richards and your people to push themselves harder," I said. "I told you already, I have no reason to help those from that world you speak of. I couldn't even care about the inhabitants of this one."

He finally stood up, seemingly tired after all that effort. "Fine. I won't force you. But, we could repay your kindness. We do have many specialists on many other areas, able to work miracles, sometimes literally. We're always glad to help our friends..."

Something within me bristled. "So! That is what it always was about, isn't it? In the end, you are like all others. You are just trying to strongarm me, aren't you, holding Nora's life in the line?! How dare you?! If I do what you say, you'd look into it?!"

The small boy smiled sadly and shook his head. "No, you don't understand. We already have looked into it."

And then I saw her, approaching the cell's door from the outside, wrapped into a coat and looking, wide eyed, at what I had become. Supporting herself, still so frail, on a young woman with mismatched eyes.

I felt so many things, then. Elation, naturally. Incredulity, as well. Disbelief warring with hope, until I searched into her eyes, and felt, like the day I'd first met her, that there was no deception whatsoever in them. And then shame, so much shame and embarrassment over what I had reduced myself to. And, lastly, but no less importantly, that damned curiosity of mine.

"But..." I looked at the boy, my mind completely lost for answers. "Why...?"

"One shouldn't do things for others," he gently said, "just because one expects rewards from it."

To this day I couldn't say if that was, despite everything, an attempt to manipulate me or not. It did work out for him, after all. How could I have refused him after that? Was that his plan all along? Was he as bad as the bat?

It doesn't matter. One way or the other, I still owe him to the end of my days.

 

[OverMaster]

Fuck Note.

The sinister spirit smiled wickedly. "That is the Fuck Note," he explained. "Write the names of two or more people on it, any names you want to, and they will have sex in the exact way you write them to."

Haruna looked at the small book in her hands. "Oh, so that's how it is...?"

---

Amonia paused. "-- and we're going to allow him do THAT?"

The Shinigami King gave a deep chuckle. "That is out of our jurisdiction! If Lord/Lady Desire wanted to have a little game with Ryuk, that is just between the two of them. What is the worst that could happen regardless...?"

 

[OverMaster]

Kissing Cousins.

"Hey, Master, friends of Master!" Charlemagne waved happily as Madoka, Misa and Sakurako returned home, sitting on a chair by the front door. "Ah, you're back early!"

"Yeah, well, blame that Sextum and her gall," Madoka grumbled, reaching for the keyhole with her keys. "You'll never believe what she-- Hey, what gives?" she asked as her Servant held her hand.

"You might want to knock first, Master," Charlie warned. "You won't want to disturb Astolfo and Brad."

The three girls paused, stunned, before Sakurako asked, "With 'disturbing', you mean...?!"

Charlie made an awkward grin and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, you know how it is! Brad misses Ruggiero so much, and Astolfo is ever so helpful! And, well, he's just got that much energy! He once did one thousand women through a spree, I couldn't really match that," he admitted. "All in all, you should be thankful he's never made a move on any of you girls."

"Um, yeah. Lucky us!" Misa said, absently rubbing a fading deep hickey somewhere on her lower neck.

"... isn't that cheating, though?" Madoka asked, still wide eyed.

"She says that it doesn't count if it's just up the, well, you know," the Saber said. "Also, I find it kind of telling that none of you seem plussed about the whole cousins angle..."

There was a sharp cry from the inside. "Ah! Astolfo, you went up the wrong hole again...!"

"Sorry...!" another voice moaned.

The three girls and the former king stepped aside, just before a naked pink haired blur was forcefully thrown out through the door.

 

[OverMaster]

The Contest.

The most sickening thing I've ever seen? It would have to be that night, behind The Bar with No Name. Bullseye and the Joker had been drinking, and so...

"Big deal. I can kill anyone with any random item, too! And just as well!"

"Oh, yeah? Let's prove it." Bullseye held a paper clip up. "Can you do it... just with this?"

A green eyebrow was raised. "I'm sure I can..."

"So let's see you do it."

The barman cut in. "Hey, you two know the rules! Do it outside!"

So they took it outside, because that dude's really scary, and some of us were stupid and drunk enough to follow and watch. They grabbed a pair of random hobos and each took one. Bullseye went first. He did it fast and efficiently, with a sadistic smile and with minimal effort.

"Huh," the Joker said. "You make it look easy..."

"I'm magic, pal. Your turn! You know the terms, no putting poison on the clip or anything..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I'm saving that poison for you..." the clown grumbled, moving behind the poor gagged fellow and ignoring the frantic pleas in his eyes.

Well... he did it, too. Eventually. It was a fucking paper clip after all. Even for the Joker, it had to be difficult. It would have been for anyone but Bullseye. I swear we stood there for like a full hour, and I'm not a pussy, but by the end I was pretty much revolted to death myself. Damn it.

Bullseye chuckled and folded his arms. "Well, took you long enough! You lost the bet, then. I did it much better, there's no denying that..."

"Are you kidding?" the clown chuckled, caked all over in red while flexing his fingers. "Wasn't this... much better this way?"

The guys and gals with us too pause at this, a long, pondering silence as they regarded him and the mangle of a dead man at his feet.

And then they broke into cheers, and declared him the winner. I'm sure Toga, Tsukuyomi and Harime even had a four way with him afterwards, it was pretty obvious it'd happen by the time they were leaving together.

So yeah. That's the most fucked up thing I've ever seen working in this business.

And I'm sure Bullseye must agree, too, even if for different reasons.

 

[OverMaster]

The Paradox.

"Hey, Achilles, listen to this they've just sent me," Cu chuckled while looking through his phone. "Achilles is in a footrace with a tortoise. Achilles allows the tortoise a head start of 100 metres, for example. If we suppose that each racer starts running at some constant speed (one very fast and one very slow), then after some finite time, Achilles will have run 100 metres, bringing him to the tortoise's starting point. During this time, the tortoise has run a much shorter distance, say, 10 metres. It will then take Achilles some further time to run that distance, by which time the tortoise will have advanced farther; and then more time still to reach this third point, while the tortoise moves ahead. Thus, whenever Achilles reaches somewhere the tortoise has been, he still has farther to go. Therefore, because there are an infinite number of points Achilles must reach where the tortoise has already been, he can never overtake the tortoise."

"No way?!" Achilles blinked. "Is that for real?!"

"Ah ha ha, yes, in a way, I suppose!" Helena laughed. "It's a well known paradox first thought by Zeno of Elea, and concerning the concept of infinity. But it's just a theorical rethoric, of course!"

"Hah ha! I'll say!" Achilles said. "Losing a race to a tortoise, who has ever heard of something so stup--"

Then all three of them fell into stunned silence as they watched Atalanta pass by, wearing a bridal gown and carrying a tortoise in a tuxedo in her arms.

"Don't ask," Atalanta said bitterly, without even looking at them.

 

[OverMaster]

Seeing Red.

"Oh, is that really her?" Linus asked as they watched TV. "I didn't recognize her, with her hair dyed like that. It's like she's a completely different person."

"Well, sometimes a little change can go a long way," Lucy admitted.

"Will you ever dye your hair once Mom allows you to?" her brother asked next.

"I might," Lucy said, but since Schroeder's favorite color was blue, it'd take a lot of convincing for Mom. "Any color but red."

"Why's that?"

"Please, it's obvious that Charlie Brown's going to grow up into a serial killer targeting redheads."

Linus stared in wide eyed shock at her.

Lucy shrugged. "What? I should know! I'm his psychiatrist!"

---

"I see, so that's how she thinks of me after all," Charlie Brown pondered quietly, as the two of them stood by the old wall. "Huh, it shows how little she knows me. As if I ever could kill anyone correctly no matter how hard I tried!"

It was then that Linus decided moving out of town as soon as he possibly could.

 

[OverMaster]

The Bet.

Someone rang at the door.

Chisame went to see who it was.

Haruna stood there, completely naked but for her glasses, and holding a cup in a hand.

She smiled. "Good morning! I come for some sugar, please!"

"... and you're naked... because...?"

"We were playing bets!"

"I can't see Fei, Honya OR Ayase making you do that..."

"Who's saying they did? I won that bet!"

Chisame slammed the door closed on her face.

 

[OverMaster]

Revolutionary Boy Negi.

Saionji waited on the large, wide, round stone platform at the top of the stairs. His long green hair flapped elegantly in the strong breeze blowing under the inverted tree, and a meek looking young woman with dark skin and short purple hair stood behind him.

The older boy smiled. "So you actually came after all," he said, pulling a fencing sword from a sheath on his slender hip. "You're either naive enough to fit your age, or brave beyond it. Either way, don't expect me to go easy on you! I was taught harshly since my earliest boyhood, and I'd expect no less from you!"

Negi frowned. "Teachers and students shouldn't fight," he said, pulling out the old staff attached to his back and assuming a fighting stance. "But as long as this is a regulated match, I suppose I can humor you."

Saionji raised a fine eyebrow. "Will you really fight me using that?"

"It always has served me well," Negi argued, never flinching back. "Just remember! If I defeat you, you'll apologize to Wakaba-san over your offense!"

The young man paused, then laughed. "You're still just a brat!" he said. "You don't even know any of the bets involved with this, do you?!"

"Ah?" Negi asked.

The pretty young lady opened her mouth to speak.

---

"-- and that's what happened," Negi sheepishly scratched the back of his neck, standing on the doorstep with her. "I consulted it with the faculty, and apparently it's all valid for some reason, so I'll be lending my bed to Himemiya-san here. Don't worry, I'll sleep on the floor..." he promised.

Chisame and Satomi kept on staring at him, then at Anthy.

"Who is this Wakaba person anyway?" Hakase finally asked.

 

[OverMaster]

No Harm Done.

"Rider," his voice quietly startled her as she materialized back into the room. "You were out... doing that again, weren't you?"

After a moment of doubt and shame, the Spirit turned her head towards the black haired boy sitting on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry, Master. But... I still need to do it. I wish it could be otherwise."

He lowered his head and sighed sadly. "No. It's me who should apologize. If only I were a more competent Master, nobody would have to suffer because of us."

"I make sure they suffer as little as possible," she gently told him, sitting by his side and petting his hair. "I only took little from each. They won't be hurt permanently, and they'll barely remember anything afterwards. I wouldn't ever kill them, since I know you couldn't live with it."

Ikari Shinji smiled for her. "Thank you, Rider. I guess you're right. Nobody will be inconvenienced that much..."

---

"I'm telling you, you have the wrong person," Evangeline grumbled as she sat under several strong lights.

Konoemon took a deep breath. "Look, Eva-chan, if you really have a need for it, for whatever reason, we'll gladly help you with an alternative..."

"I'm telling you I don't do that anymore!"

Negi smiled apologetically. "Master, I know you're a much better person than that, but it might be that you're sleepwalking or something..."

"Sleepwalking?! That's the most ridiculous thing that I've ever-- No, scratch that, that I'm a good person?! That's even more ridiculous!" Eva growled.

"Oh, so then you did it, and willingly?" Kuzunoha questioned coldly.

"When did I ever imply that either?! You're all so stupid!"

"I can vouch for the Master," Chachamaru said. "I keep records of her activities all night long..."

"No way you're showing tapes of my private life to these people!" Eva snapped.

"What, are you embarrassed?" Konoemon asked. "I thought you didn't even have any decency taboos."

"I'm guessing she doesn't want you to see her whenever she's acting goofy and cute," Negi mused with a pleasant smile, "like when she--"

Evangeline slammed a fist against his face.

 

[OverMaster]

My Way in Life.

"So, what will you do now?" Illya asked, staring into the distance. "Are you going to stay?"

"I'm not sure. I'd like that," the reincarnated giant admitted, staring along with her. "I want to protect you forever, but... I can't do that as long as this world is unsafe for everyone."

Illya gave a small smirk. "Just admit you want to meet your equals, and fight by their side. Even if you have no equals."

The mountain of a man also smiled, in a slow, subdued fashion. "I suppose there's some of that, as well. I'll never be gone for long," he promised. "If you ever need me, I'll be back just as soon."

She grabbed his huge hand with his tiny one and squeezed. "Don't look back. I owe you that much."

"Thank you."

---

The door was pulled open, and out peeked an old gentleman in a black suit.

"Yes, sir?" he asked, unflappable at the sight of the towering figure standing in front of the manor. "How may we help you?"

"I'd like to talk with Captain America," the Prince of Power said. "I heard you've just suffered a cut back in members."

 

[OverMaster]

Should Old Acquaintances Be Stuffed.

"Hey, stop sniffin' my beaver," Harleen warned.

Chamo pulled back from the stuffed animal sitting on the shelf and looked nervously towards the kitchen. "I wasn't sniffing it, what kind of weirdo do you take me for?" he defended himself. "It's just that... well... where did you get this anyway?"

"I won Bernie fair an' square in Coney Island, back when I was livin' there," she reminisced, stirring the fried chicken for herself and her guest. "Why do y'ask?"

Chamo hesitated while glancing uneasily at the other animal's dead eyes, one of them a hollow burnt hole through damaged fur. "N-Nothing... Reminds me of a fella I knew a while ago, that's all..."

Harley blinked curiously, glancing back over her shoulder. "For reals? He could talk like you?"

"Well, not all familiars are ermines, even if we ARE the best," Chamo puffed his chest up in pride. "His name was Marcel, a French Canadian guy, not bad at all, but too loudmouthed, and I haven't heard of him for so long..." He looked at the beaver's expressionless face again. "I was just wondering..."

Harley shrugged as she walked back in with two plates and set them on the table. "You're probably overthinkin' things. What are the odds?"

"Y-Yeah, what indeed..." he chuckled rattily, leaping over and to the table, grabbing his first piece and chewing on it. The two hyenas approached the table, tails wagging, and Harley grabbed two other pieces from Chamo's plate and threw them at them. "Hey, that's mine!"

"Nah, they're mine, and so's this apartment," she reminded him, chewing noisily. "So, there's ermine familiars and beaver familiars, huh... And what else?"

"Well, there's also rabbits, like Despair-sensei's Mesousa," Chamo recalled, "and dogs, like Anya's Courage, and--"

"And then there's the likes of me," one of the hyenas said matter-of-factly then, already polishing the bone he'd gotten clean with his tongue.

Harley and Chamo stared at him in mute shock.

The hyena shrugged his furry shoulders. "What can I say, Harley? You never asked!"

She made an angry, high pitched whine, and then leapt for them, even as the first hyena dodged quickly. She still grabbed the other one and began rattling him angrily. "How could you, all through these years?! All through everythin' Joker ever did to me, an'--?!"

"Hmm, Harley..." the first hyena said as Chamo simply started eating from Harley's plate.

"Shut up, Bud, you're next but first I'm killin' Lou!" she roared even as the helpless animal she was rattling whimpered in pain. "You took me f'r an idiot this whole time, whatever gave ya the impression I was an idiot---?!"

"Well, for starters," Bud said eloquently, "you're killing Lou even when he's just a poor, dumb animal."

Harley stopped suddenly, her eyes shrank, and finally, she let go of Lou, who ran to hide at a corner, sobbing and with his tail between his legs.

Bud nodded. "That's better. See, this is why I never told you, there's never any way to know when you--"

Then she threw Bernie squarely at his head and knocked him out.

 

[OverMaster]

The Three Cain Sisters.

"What are you going to try and kill each other over this time?" Mana asked as she passed by their door, seeing the three sitting around Setsuna's table and icily glaring at each other.

Setsuna was the first to speak. "We're split about the gift for Father's birthday."

"Are you really going to give him anything?" Mana asked incredulously. "Really, now?"

"It's not that we disagree on what to give him," Tsukuyomi said irritably. "All three of us want to give him a joint beating. It's just that we disagree on what to do afterwards. I want to chop all of his limbs off, Cassandra-chan wants to put him in traction for months, and Setsuna-neesama, the soft soft hearted fool, is happy with simply breaking all of his fingers and toes."

Mana sipped from her glass of milk and pondered the issue. "Why don't you just gauge one of his eyes out?"

"No, that'd make him look too much like Deathstroke!" Tsukuyomi cringed. "And then Ravager would say we were jealous the whole time...!"

In the end, they settled with just shattering his knees and being done with that until next year.

 

[OverMaster]

Mother.

"I'm scared," Chisame admitted, absently taking a hand to her own belly. "I never had the active presence of a mother in my life. I don't even know what's that like. How could I know how to be one?"

Chachamaru seemed to hesitate before gently placing a hand on her shoulder. "My mothers had no previous experience either," she reminded her, "and although I'm not qualified to speak on how I turned out as an individual, I--"

Arika interrupted by peeking into the room. "I will be glad to assist as much as I can for the sake of my--"

"You don't have any experience at raising a child!" Chisame growled. "None of you does! Who am I supposed to trust on this? The best mother I know would be Zazie's, and she's literally the devil!"

Chachamaru paused to ponder, then shook her head. "No. Come to think about it, I know of a better mother..."

---

Shirou blinked. "You want me to help you with what again?"

Chisame rubbed herself awkwardly in an arm and looked at where Taiga slept on Shirou's couch, a large snot bubble coming out of her nose. "W-Well, you've been a mother to someone ten years older than you since you were just a child...!"

 

[Darkenning]

Mother the Sequel

"Well, that was a disaster," groaned Chisame, resting her head against the desktop.

"Yeah, really embarrassing that you asked a guy for help being a mom, cough cough cough," Yuuna agreed as she sat beside her.

Chisame more or less ignored her. "Now what am I supposed to do?"

"Yeah, really frustrating. If only you knew someone who was a mom. Cough. Or who had a mom. Cough cough. Or at least had had a really good relationship with their mom. Cough cough cough."

"Have you considered cough syrup?" Chisame asked, rolling slightly to look up at Yuuna with one half-lidded eye.

"Oh, come on, do I have spell it out in black and white?" Yuuna growled. "Me! Ask me for help, Chisame-chan!"

"Don't call me Chisame-chan, and what?" Chisame asked, rising up to a fully seated position.

"I had a great mom! She was awesome! She was everything I ever want to be! She is the person I admire most on this planet, with the possible exception of Chow Yun-Fat," she added quickly.

"... I would have thought your dad ranked higher than --"

"That's a different kind of thing! Look, I will gladly pass on every bit of 'mom' knowledge that I picked up from my mom, in exchange for certain valuable bits of information!" There was a conspiratorial smirk on her face now.

"... I can't believe I'm asking this, but what valuable information are we talking about here?" Chisame asked after a moment of skeptical contemplation.

"Well, as it happens, you're already further along the path to being like my mom than I am, since you've had sex with the father of your child, so tell me how to AGH CHISAME-CHAN NO MY FACE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO TWIST LIKE THAT!"

 

[OverMaster]

Mothers.

They both sat in silence then, on the same bench, contemplating the recent events.

"Do you think," Nodoka finally asked, "that they'll get along better than their fathers do?"

Before Chisame could answer, a soft, very weak rumbling sound that somehow resembled a subdued bark came from Nodoka's belly.

A moment afterwards, a similar grumble that managed to sound Welsh for some reason came from Chisame's own belly.

"I know you'll think I'm just being needlessly pessimistic as ever," Chisame said, "but--"