OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

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School Days.

When writing for the original Unequally Rational and Emotional, years ago-- Jesus, it has been that long-- I wrote this gag sequence with a dead Makoto and Sekai being dead and forcefully transported to the afterlife by Kuchiki Rukia. Ichigo, then, commented that they would make each other be in Hell no matter where they were sent.

I thought it was a funny gag, and I received a bravo for it. I was fairly proud of it. This was shortly after I'd watched the School Days anime, and it took me a long while bothering to check more of 0verflow's material out.

Then I read more about Sekai's mother, and I felt bad about what I'd written.

It was so stupid, to feel guilty about ruining the life of a fictional character. But from then on, whenever I thought of writing more School Days stuff, I thought of that poor horribly flawed woman, sitting all alone in her home, after losing her only child to a brutal assault with knife...

When, a lot of time later, I wrote a chapter taking place between early Unequally chapters showing how Negi first actually met Komori Kiri and Tsunetsuki, I retconned Makoto into being still alive, and by extension, so was Sekai, even if she wasn't shown there herself.

It was such a dumb, pointless thing to do. I could have used any other boy than Makoto there...

But somehow, I feel like the little Youko-san living inside of my head, somewhere in there, is smiling now.

---

Tarzan.

One day, the animals of the jungle rushed over to a large tree where Tarzan was sleeping.

"Tarzan, Tarzan!" they woke him up, screaming in a collective shrill, high pitched voice. "Help us!"

Tarzan snapped back to his senses. "What?! What?! What's going on?! You just cut my beauty nap short!"

"Tarzan, a wild, huge gorilla has invaded the jungle!" a zebra cried in the squeaky, pitiful voice. "He's raped us all, leaving us talking like this!"

"What?! All of you?! Even you, Lion?!"

"Yes, even me!" the lion weeped.

"And you, Leopard!?"

"Yes, me too!" the leopard sobbed.

Tarzan looked at the giraffe. "And you?! But, how did he reach that high?!"

The giraffe broke into tears. "He climbed up a tree and, from there--!"

Tarzan puffed his manly chest up. "This just cannot continue! I'm going to put an end to him! Where is he?!"

"He's hiding in the big cave by the river!" the animals squealed as one.

"I'm going right there, now!" Tarzan promised, turning to his wife. "Jane! Give me the knife!"

His wife handed him a huge, sharp hunting knife, which Tarzan secured to his loincloth. Giving his famous howl of war, he grabbed a vine and began swinging towards the cave, with all of the animals following him.

Fearlessly, Tarzan strode into the darkness of the cave. And then, there was a feral scream, and several loud sounds of struggle and violence. Growls, grunts, roars, and all of the animals waited outside, too scared to enter.

After half an hour of this ferocious fight, Tarzan walked out, pulling up on his loincloth.

"What happened, Tarzan?!" the animals squealed. "What happened?!"

"What do you think happened?!" Tarzan asked back in the same shrill, high pitched voice. "I slipped, and dropped the knife!"

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Fritz the Cat.

So, that night, I was drinking in a cheap bar with two guys-- Oliver, that was the dolphin's name, and the stork, I think he was Billy-- and we were pretty wasted, see? And Oliver, he has this great idea of a prank to play on me, the asshole.

And he tells me "Look, Fritz, why don'tcha cry 'Ignatz' as loud as you can?"

I'm not a complete idiot so I tell him, "Why the hell should I do that?"

"C'mon, man, it'll be fun!" he says. "I dare you! Are ya chicken?"

"What can happen if you just cry 'Ignatz'?" Billy shrugs. "We're doin' it, and nuthing's happenin' t'us!"

So I sigh. "Awright..." I say, and then I shout, like a perfect imbecile, "IGNATZ!"

And then a damn brick comes flying from somewhere, without a warning, without a single cry of 'Metball!' and beans me in the goddamn head! I bleed everywhere like a pig! And naturally, Oliver and Billy are laughing like idiots at me!

Sometimes, I just hate being a damn cartoon character.

 

A Brief Return to Unequally Rational and Emotional.

When I saw that girl again, I didn't recognize her at first.

I'd been invited to a fundraiser gala for the Blue Mars Project, and I was naturally thrilled about it. Such a honor, but befitting someone of my stature, naturally. I'd left my date chatting with some American investors while checking who else was around and good looking. Then I saw her.

There was something vaguely familiar about her, especially when she noticed my presence and looked at me when I approached her.

"Excuse me," I told her, admiring the way the light blue dress accented her fine bare shoulders, covered on the lovely freckles descending from her face. "We have met somewhere before, right?" I put on my best charming smile. "Montecarlo, perhaps? No, Acapulco. Acapulco, I'm sure! My name is Aoshima Y--"

"I'm Hasegawa Sora, Yoshiyuki-senpai," the petite beauty told me, in a cold and detached tone, which regardless seemed somewhat mixed with pity. But why would anyone feel pity for me? That sensation made no sense. "Huh. You have grown fatter since the last time we met. Please, if you'll excuse me, I have to rejoin my sister and Negi-sensei..."

I blinked, standing there while she walked away, towards another young woman and the honor guest of the night, that boy genius from the news. "... wait," I said, without receiving an answer. "You had a sister?!"

She never looked back.

I haven't seen her ever since. Just as well. She's the one missing out on it. Who understands them, they get all uppity and aloof whenever they gain some traction in life...

All the same, I'm starting my diet tomorrow. Others also have told me on my weight since then, damn it.

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Mai-chan's Everyday Life.

Tokiha Mai woke up very early, like every other morning.

She went to the toilet, took a shower, dressed and cooked breakfast.

She woke Mikoto up, fed her, and then went to classes.

She heard classes all day long, then called Takumi to see how he was doing.

Afterwards, she, Mikoto and Natsuki fought and killed an Orphan monster.

Nagi trolled them for a while.

Mai and Mikoto went back home. Mai cooked dinner, they ate, and watched some TV.

Then Mai went to sleep.

And that's it.

What?

What? You were expecting for something about that other manga? Absolutely not!

 

The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really Love You is the creation and intellectual property of Nakamura Rikito, Nozawa Yukiko and Shueisha.

All other characters and franchises mentioned in this story are the intellectual properties of their respective copyright and trademark holders.

---

The 83 Crossover Girlfriends who Really, Really, Really Love You.

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Enoshima Junko.

"... and so, due to how things panned out..." Aijou Rentarou said, "... would you girls accept Enoshima Junko-chan as my new girlfriend?"

The fashionable girl with pink hair grinned at the large group gathered on the rooftop, before them.

She crossed her arms before herself and ranted loudly. "My, my, but aren't you a happy, harmonious looking team! Well, that's a natural combination. Hope is harmony. You're a bunch of hopeful souls, moving together towards the light! But Despair... Ah, Despair... Despair is Hope's polar opposite! It is messy and confusing. Despair swallows up love, hatred, and everything else! And not knowing where you will end up is Despair. Despair is something that even you cannot predict! Only Despair's unpredictability will save you from a boring future!"

And then she began to laugh maniacally, her long pink tongue dangling out. "So rejoice, girlfriends...! Because I'm gonna bring that Despair to you!"

Iku's eyes shone, with stars inside of them. "Ohhhhh! I like her already...!"

---

Artoria Pendragon.

Aijou Rentarou gasped from his awkward prone position on the old shed's floor, staring up at the figure that had just appeared standing over him. It was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen-

- well. It was the second most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, after Mimimi, naturally, with a delicate and fair face that was nonetheless cold and devoid of feelings. Her eyes were large, round and light green, and her hair a pale shade of golden blonde, pulled back into a small bun. She wore a long dress of regal blue cloth, along with a metal chestplate and armored gauntlets and boots. In a hand she held the sturdy handle of a sword, apparently unattached to any blade.

"I am Servant Saber," she told him, bathed from behind by the silver moonlight filtered through the large hole in the wall, with a calm and aloof voice. "I ask of you, are you my- my- my-?"

Here she trailed off, looking down into the eyes of the young man. Her mouth hung slightly open, as she was briefly overwhelmed by the very same kind of sensation she'd felt upon pulling Caliburn out of the stone.

"Geh…!" Rentarou stuttered, too shocked himself to say anything else. "Geh…!"

She recomposed herself eventually and forced a stoic, although blushing, nod. "I will assume that's a yes, then. Negatives are usually conveyed as 'Gah!'…"

But then, zooming across the air, the maniac in blue tights who had been chasing Rentarou around from school broke into the shed, waving that long spear of his, and this 'Saber' immediately spun around, swinging her hilt with both hands, and just as soon, there was a thundering boom and the man was swatted by some invisible force, directly back out of the shed and onto the Aijou house's backyard.

"Wow," Rentarou said very quietly, sitting here as the blonde jumped out after the man. "This is so depressing. I've just realized that ultimately I'm completely interchangeable with Emiya Shirou or any other harem lead..."

 

The 83 Crossover Girlfriends who Really, Really, Really Love You.

---

Michelle Jones-Watson.

"MJ!" Peter said, jumping after her before the other Peters could react. "NO!"

She fell, shocked into silence, only able to try and reach up for him as she fell.

Spider-Man, in turn, reached down, trying to gain drop velocity, and almost grabbing her-

--- when the Goblin's glider rammed into him, pushing him aside. "NO!" he screamed. The second Spider-Man had already jumped down as well, desperately trying to catch MJ, but---

--- but there was a cry in Japanese of "Ah! A girl in danger!" and a black haired young man, most likely a tourist trapped in the area during the conflict, also jumped down, seemingly from nowhere, and caught MJ in his arms, somehow managing to roll across the air and into a safe part of the structure.

"...!?" the second Spider-Man said, managing to stick to the side of the Statue and break his own fall.

"Are you... okay?" Rentarou asked, looking into MJ's wide, still afraid eyes...

And then there was a most potent spark.

---

"I can complete the spell now," Doctor Strange said. "But be aware," he told the young man, "from now on, everyone on the planet will forget Peter Parker ever existed..."

MJ blinked, still holding Rentarou's hand. "Peter who?"

The two older Spider-Men, plus Green Goblin, Octopus, Sandman, Electro and Lizard, all just glared at her while the youngest Spider-Man began sobbing quietly.

 

Mind over Manners.

Sakura approached her sister, seeing that she was writing a note. "Oneechan? What's that?"

"Luvia just invited me to her birthday party," Rin hummed without looking up from the paper. "I'm extending my answer."

"Oh, are you attending?"

"What?! No, of course not! Listen to this. 'Luviagelita: I can't believe you even dare to ask. Obviously this is your imbecilic idea of a joke. You can't be delusional enough as to think I'd ever set foot on your house willingly. The only way you'd ever see me there would be by kidnapping me, and you don't have the courage or strenght to do that. I have much better things to do that evening anyway. Sincerely, Rin'."

Sakura gasped. "Oneechan! If you're going to answer why that, why don't you just let the invitation unanswered!?"

"What?" Rin asked. "Not answering to her? Sakura, please! That would be so rude!"

 

Do you Have to Go?

Do you really need to go? Shizuka asked, holding her e-pad up for Haruna, Nodoka and Yue to see. Aren't you afraid?

"Well," Nodoka allowed, "there's a certain degree of uncertainity and even fear in every travel into the unknown, of course. But we're a team. We need to stand together."

"B-But..." Shiori stammered, "w-we are a team as well...!"

"Well," Haruna said, "you always can come with us if you really want to..."

Yue bopped a fist on the back of Haruna's head. "They don't have any training! Past a certain point, a team that is too large becomes a liability!"

"Besides," Nodoka said, "you two need to look after Library Island in our absence. You will, won't you, Shiori-san, Shizuka-chan?"

The five girls sat on the rooftop where Rentarou would usually meet up with his girlfriends. A pleasant soft breeze blew from the West.

"We promise we'll bring you lots of interesting new books from Mundus Magicus," Haruna said.

Shiori and Shizuka's eyes shone like stars.

"And if we don't come back," Yue added stoically, "our books will be divided among the two of you, as per the legal instructions we are leaving. Shiori-senpai gets all of my books, Shizuka-chan gets all of Paru's, and Nodoka's collection will be divided equally between you."

The stars in Shiori and Shizuka's eyes suddenly lost all shine and became black dead spots.

"If we don't return but any of our teammates do, they'll bring those books from Mundus Magicus to you," Yue further promised, with a hand on her heart.

Nodoka sweatdropped. "Yue-chan, you aren't making them feel better at all..."

 

Honesty is the Best Policy.

"Why don't we just tell them?" Chisame wondered, looking at Hakari, Karane and Shizuka from afar, as the three of them played old maid with Rentarou.

Negi blinked. "Telling them about what?"

Chisame tossed her hands up. "You know, about the whole 'You'll die if you don't all end up with Aijou-senpai'! They have a right to know, don't they?"

"Well," Misora said uneasily, "that might be true, but..."

"Chisame-san, that's only bound to bring more problems than it'd fix," Ayaka reasoned. "Just imagine all the extra pressure put on them!"

Haruka nodded. "Yukimiko-kun's right, they'd panic! They'd feel so worried about the other 100 girls or so that they'd mess everything up!"

A vein pumped on Ayaka's head. "After all this time, you still can't get my name right?!"

Chisame sighed. "Fine, fine! You're right. It's just that, it doesn't feel fair or right..."

"You have your own relationship problems to worry about," Skuld said.

Misa laughed dryly at her. "That's not the same, Sku-chan! It's not that we're going to die suffering if Negi-kun rejects any of us...!"

Skuld gave her a somewhat unnerving subtle glare and an enigmatic little, oddly disturbing smile.

Negi himself, Misa, Chisame, Matoi, Haruka, Misora, Ayaka and all Chachamaru tensed up in alarm.

"Oh... Oh, come on!" Misa said after a moment. "N-None of us felt that spark as soon as we saw him...!"

"Um, um, actually...!" Ayaka fidgeted desperately.

Skuld only kept on smirking at them.

 

The End of Nisekoi.

Everyone stood from their seats as Raku and Chitoge faced each other and smiled.

Their union blessed by the priest, the youngsters leaned ahead and kissed deeply. There wasn't a single dry eye in the church...

And then several cars crashed through the front gates, and several men peeked out of them, pulling machineguns out.

Before anyone could react properly, the men sprayed gunfire all through the building, over several hellish minutes. The screams of agony filled the air until there was nobody left to scream, and only then the cars pulled back and speeded away.

"Bwa ha ha ha!" Chaka laughed as his enforcers drove him from the bloody scene. "We did it! We wiped the Beehives and the Ichijous! Man, nobody can stand on our way now! We fucking rule!"

---

Rock winced. "... ugh. That... That was messed up. I knew Chaka was a creep, but..."

"Uhhh-huhhh," Fujimura Raiga nodded, sharing a drink with Balalaika over the negotiation table. "Well, at least all of that is over now..."

There was a beat.

"So, um, can I keep this then?" Revy asked, holding Raku's locket up. "I think I can get a few dollars from it in the black market."

Raiga shrugged. "Well, if you found it, then it's yours..."

 

Relatable.

Mundus Magicus:

Louise approached Chisame as the latter sat in the bath.

"We need to talk," the small pink haired girl said, folding her arms and standing on the edge of the pool.

Chisame looked blandly at her. "What is there to talk?"

"We haven't talked on the subject yet," Louise grumbled, undoing her towel and stepping into the water with her, "but we must. You are, as I understand, the first magical partner of my Familiar..."

"Well, yeah, since we're on that subject," Chisame said, "I didn't want to confront you about this yet, but he's not a Familiar, he's a human being, and so--"

"He was sent to me during a Familiar summon ceremony! He's my Familiar!" Louise said loudly. "That, in turn, makes you my Familiar as well!"

"What?! That's insane!"

"I'm a noblewoman," Louise said haughtily, with a hand on her flat chest, "and you're nothing but a commoner! Worse than a commoner, a fugitive with a bounty on your head! You're fortunate I consider you my Familiar and not a slave to be sold to the authorities!"

"Why, you little...!" Hasegawa bristled. "Don't think so highly of yourself! Ayase's told me everything about you, you're just an academic failure and the laughingstock of your school!"

Louise blushed and pulled back. "D-Don't say that! It's just that my whole school mistreats me badly! They're envious of me!"

"Uh-huh..."

"H-H-Hey!" Louise whined, red faced. "You wouldn't understand! You are respected among everyone in your party, just because you're Negi's first partner!"

"Respected? Me!?"

"Well, you certainly don't have to deal with a classroom, no, a school full of weird vapid airheads always getting on your nerves!"

"..." Chisame frowned, glaring at her.

After a moment, Louise blinked. "... don't you?"

----

Asuna winced as she and Yue watched, from afar, how Chisame and Louise chatted almost excitedly in the bath.

"... this is an unexpected most foul team-up. I'm actually starting to get scared for some reason," Yue commented dryly.

Asuna raised an eyebrow. "I almost pity Iinchou now. It's going to be hard for her when we find her...!"

 

The Exorcism of Aisaka Sayo.

Louise sighed while brooming the front of their latest hideout.

"I have no idea why they say I'm a stuckup..." she grouched to herself. "My sister and mother would never do house chores like this..."

Then she saw a tiny, beaten up doll with long white hair staggering its way over to the doorstep. Louise tensed up immediately.

The diminutive thing raised a hand. "Hellooooo!" it said in a high pitched, tired voice. "I'm looking for Negi Springfiiiieeeeld...!"

After a moment of shock, confusion and fear, Louise began slamming her broom down on it. "AAAAAHHHHH! THE DEVIL'S DOLL!"

"AAAAIIIIIEEEEE!" it shrieked. "NO, DON'T DO THAAAAAT!"

----

"Well, how was I supposed to know?!" Louise argued while Asuna, Yue and Nodoka all glared at her. "You mentioned your ghost friend, yes, but you never said she was living inside of a doll!"

Rito sighed while sitting nearby, sewing Sayo's back after pushing the stuffing back into her.

"I... It took me weeks to make my way here...!" Sayo lamented. "For my next body, I want longer legs...!"

 

The Key of the Matter!

Lucy held the Key up again and sighed. "Aquarius!" she called once more.

Finally, in a large splash of water, the Celestial Spirit manifested herself. "What do you want?" she asked curtly.

"Ah, you finally showed up," Lucy said flatly. "I was about to just put the Key away and try again tomorrow..."

One of Aquarius' eyebrows twitched. "What's with that tone now?! Also, tomorrow?! You called me for something that can be left for tomorrow?!"

Lucy nodded. "Of course, I'd rather tackle the issue today, as it's something that concerns our ongoing relationship and your performance. In the light of recent events, I've been reviewing your contributions to our association, and--"

"You are trying to get smart with me?!" Aquarius growled, almost lunging at Lucy. "Go to the point right now before I drown you!"

"Okay, if that's what you want," the blonde said. "You're fired."

"WHAT?!"

Lucy nodded. "I've got myself another Aquarius."

"ANOTHER WHAT?!"

Lucy held the Key up again and said, "Aquarius!"

Sayo floated in from the next room, wearing a mermaid costume, complete with false tail and seashell bra. "Did, did you call, Master?"

Somewhere in the Old World, Ookuchi Akira sneezed.

"That... That thing is an Aquarius?!" Aquarius pointed at Sayo, outraged. "She isn't even manipulating water!"

Sayo blinked. "Oh... Oh! I'm sorry, you're right! Please wait a second!"

She quickly floated out of the room, then floated back in, holding a jar of water in her hands. "Is, is this better?"

"Like hell it is!" Aquarius said, then yelled at Lucy, "What can this small, clueless weakling even do?!"

"Well, she can possess people and bodyjack their actions, that's always useful," Lucy said. "Can you do that?"

"Uh, no, but--!"

"And mostly, she always shows up when she's summoned," Lucy added, holding a pointer finger up, and then bracing herself for Aquarius' furious blast of seawater directly on her.

But much to her surprise, when she opened her eyes again after some waiting, she only saw the Celestial Spirit fleeing the room, wailing and promising, "You'll regret thiiiiiiiiis...!"

Lucy and Sayo blinked.

"So, um," Sayo said after a moment. "Can I go back with Virgo-san now? I really was enjoying our card game..."

 

Meanwhile, in Gotham...

"Lucius," Bruce said, entering Fox's office and slamming a folder on his desk, "what is the meaning of this?"

"Hm?" Lucius flipped through the folder. "Ah, yes, while you were in your latest trip and couldn't be contacted, the board of executives voted on investing in the Good Smiles company."

"That... That is a company owned by the Joker, Lucius!"

"Well, yes, he started it in a completely legal fashion. Even if he's a criminal, he's still got rights to his own image and name, and he has registered them properly. It's not like the situation with the laughing fish, he actually had a valid point here..."

"What?!"

Lucius nodded. "He's a celebrity after all, Bruce. That biopic they released starring Joaquin Phoenix, his role in Mortal Kombat 11, the lunchboxes, the action figures.... He's making millions, which the company needs badly in these times of crisis."

"...!"

"More than half of his income goes to the Support Fund for the Joker's Victims, so the board of executives thought you'd approve. Since you have never said no to a charity effort..."

---

With his hood down, the Batman sat in the darkness of the cave, just staring ahead with hollow, traumatized eyes.

"Um, Alfred?" Robin asked their butler. "What's going over with Bruce now, he looks like he's--"

The old man sighed and put a hand on the youngster's mouth. "Please don't ask right here, young sir. He can hear from here..."

 

Do you Remember when Hikaru Used to be in Unequally?

Hikaru blinked, finally noticing the way Yue was looking at her.

Hikaru looked back. "Yue-san? Is there something the matter?"

"Ah, no, no, sorry," Yue said. "I was just thinking about how much you remind me of Haruna's dad."

"..." Hikaru said.

"I mean," Yue quickly added, "when he's a girl!"

"Ah... All right..." Hikaru said slowly.

Yue facepalmed, blushing. "It's a long story I should have told you about, long before this..."

---

Well, She is Again, Now!

Negi approached her with a smile. "Shidou-san, right? Sorry, we haven't really had a chance to talk after being introduced. I'd like to thank you for looking after Kikuk--"

"Ah!" Hikaru gasped, extending a hand ahead. "No, sorry! Please keep your distance!"

"Eh?" Negi said, stopping.

"Yukino-chan's told me about you, Sensei!" Hikaru said. "Somehow, you charm all girls who approach you, so they become your girlfriends!"

"That... That's not right!" Negi gasped.

"Are you calling Yukino-chan a liar?"

"What? No! But, but it's not like that, she must be mistaken! Let's see, there's Asuna-san, and Ai-san, and... and... well, you don't know Suzumiya-san yet, but I'll introduce you to her once we're back home..."

Hikaru crossed her arms before herself, in the form of a shielding 'X'. "My father and brothers are very protective of me, and they'll get mad at you if you become my boyfriend!"

"... I'm not going to become your boyfriend, though."

There was a pause.

"Why not?" she asked at last. "Is there something wrong with me?"

"Of course not!"

"It's because I look like this Haruna-san's dad, right? Do I actually look like some middle aged man in drag for some reason...?"

"Oh, for the love of God...! It isn't drag, didn't Yue-san and Nodoka-san explain it to you?"

 

What Makes a Good Person?

"We're sorry," Kujou Rin said, standing on the doorstep with Aya. "Saki-sama isn't receiving anyone today."

"Ah," the visitor said. And then, pushing their luck, "Is this about the disappearance of Lala Deviluke?"

Rin frowned. "Yes," she said icily.

"I was under the impression that she disliked her."

"She is in mourning, regardless," Aya said, even more coldly.

"Right... Right, I think I understand now. She misses the chance of never besting her, instead being handed her victory by a stroke of luck--"

Rin closed the door on the visitor's face.

In her bedroom, Tenjouin Saki held a framed portrait of her most despised enemy and, despite herself, wept.

This acute sense of loss was not the one she had been expecting to feel at first, but it did hurt just as much.

 

You Smell Familiar.

Kotaro squinted at the small furry animal held in Hikaru's arms. "What's this?" the boy asked.

"Oh, she's Kirara, our traveling companion!" the redhead said, smiling. "Guru Clef gave her to us so we could move across Mundus Magicus!"

"A thing this small? How can she help you with that?" Kotaro grumbled, sniffing in the direction of the tiny creature. Kirara sniffed back at him.

And then she made a loud, joyous mewling sound, and jumped from Hikaru's arms and onto Kotaro, turning into her giant form in mid-leap and squashing him down with a strong hug.

Hikaru giggled. "Awwww, just look at that! She really likes you...!"

"Yeah, I think so," he said from under the purring, tail-wagging Kirara. "The more I think about it, the more I feel like I should remember her from some place, too... but that might just be the lack of air talking...!"

 

New Year, Same Old!

Ayaka, Chizuru and Natsumi sat around the table in the apartment of the latter two, for old times' sake.

"So," Chizuru said, "what is your resolution for the New Year, Natsumi-chan?"

Murakami smiled, tightened a fist. "I'm going to learn what kind of secret is Negi-sensei hiding from me!"

"He isn't hiding anything from you," Ayaka lied with a very calm face, taking another snack from the bowl. "I should know, since I spend almost all of my time with him!"

"..." Natsumi said. And then, "What is your resolution for the new Year, Chizu-nee?"

"Oh, I plan to learn what kind of secret is Ayaka hiding from us..."

"You girls, seriously!" Yukihiro complained.

 

When Miyu met Shirou.

She had been minding her own business, buying groceries in the local supermarket.

Nothing here seemed fine enough for Luvia-sama's tastes, but that was okay, she always could order online later. At the very least, she had found the brand of deviled ham Destroyer had asked for. And then, while pushing her cart towards the counter, she saw him.

He was smiling, without noticing her presence yet, selecting cans from a shelf. There was no mistaking him; the same build, the same eyes, the same hair. Miyu left the cart behind and moved towards him, eagerly.

"O-Oniisama...?"

He looked at her, and then she noticed the lack of the burn face on his face. Her heart sank. "Hmmm, yes?" he asked gently. "Do you need help with something, Ojou-chan?"

Ojou, he'd called her. Something probably had rubbed off on her from Luvia-sama. Blushing, she lowered her face and shook her head. "N-No, I'm sorry. I must have mistaken you for someone else..."

"I see. Well, have a nice day!" he said, before walking down another aisle. Miyu stared after him, breathing ever so slowly and feeling her face very warm.

Eventually, a dependant approached her. "Umm, Ojou-chan? Are you lost, or--"

Without looking at him, she tightly grabbed him by the shirt. "Emiya Shirou."

Hiraga Saito blinked. "You know Emiya-san?"

"He is a regular customer here, isn't he?"

"Y-Yes, but what is that to y--"

"Tell me," she ordered, in a flat and coldly detached voice, "where he lives..."

 

Finders, Keepers.

"This is our baby!" Sailor Uranus decided, holding Hotaru up. "Neps and I will raise her together, so she never becomes a threat to mankind again!"

"Uh, thanks, but I don't need that," Hotaru said. "It's not like I was actually reverted into a baby, or anything like that..."

"Awwwww, Neps, just look at how cute she is...!" Harley cooed, rubbing her cheek up and down against that of the cringing Hotaru. "But, come to think 'bout it, lookin' after a baby daughter is a big responsibility, so what if we raise her with Pluto? Three moms! She'll get ta have three moms!"

Ritsuko began choking in her saliva. "W-What?! Why me?!"

"Well, we don't have a place where to stay in this country," Neptune shrugged indolently, "and we're still wanted fugitives in America, so..."

`Professor Tomoe blinked and adjusted his glasses. "On top of everything else, I'm still alive and I'm not possesed anymore, so..."

Harley, still holding Hotaru against herself with a hand, used the other one to close Tomoe's mouth and push him aside. "Manga continuity! This is the manga continuity, so you're dead! I can't hear ya, la la la la la..."

---

"... and that's why they're rooming with me now!" Ritsuko scoffed at Misato, as they shared a drink over the table. "There, happy?!"

Misato blinked, then looked at Isley setting potted plants all over Akagi's apartment, while Harley tried to feed spoonfuls of baby formula to a quite visibly reluctant and begruding Hotaru. "... I see. But what are you going to tell the Commander...?"

"They are my cousins visiting from Sweden, all right?!" Ritsuko cried at the edge of her wits, just tossing her hands up.

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Ashita no Joe.

He woke up with a start. "Where am I?" he asked, surprised. "Last thing I remember, I was in the ring..."

"Welcome back, Yabuki-san," one of the doctors standing around his bed said. "You suffered lethal brain damage during your last prize fight, but we managed to save your brain."

"What? What?!" Joe repeated, sitting up on the bed. "You're playing tricks on me, old man!"

The doctor shook his head. "Shiraki-sama paid your operations. Your new body is a wonder of cybernetics. Stronger, faster, much more capable and resiliant."

He looked at his hands, trembling. "So you mean... I can be the perfect boxer now?!"

"Well," the doctor rasped. "Not quite. I don't believe any boxing circuit would allow you fight anymore, since now you have an unfair advantage over any other boxers..."

Joe blinked, aghast, and then punched himself in the head with all of his power.

It all worked out, however, since aliens began attacking Earth challenging mankind to boxing and wrestling challenges.

Joe became best friends with Kinnikuman.

 

On General Principle.

"What are you reading, Haruna?" Makie asked, approaching her from behind.

"A very good new manga," Paru said without taking her eyes off the open tankoubon. "It's called Prison School."

"Ah," said Makie, looking over her shoulder at the pages.

And then, after another moment, "But, aren't they all?"

 

Uncle Still Can't Decide.

"Greetings, Saotome Haruna-chan!" the tall, brown haired man laughed, entering the room with open arms. "Your favored relative is back from overseas!"

"Oh, Uncle Tacchi...!" the young woman leaped into his strong arms happily. "I've missed you so, so much...! It's been so long...!"

He smiled, hugging her. "Indeed! You have grown a fair bit, my beautiful Haruna. As a matter of fact, you... you now remind me of... of..."

He trailed off, and his jaw hung loose, face reddening as he felt Haruna's now rather big breasts pressed against him, and her cheek rubbing up and down his chest.

----

The prostitute scoffed, holding the long black wig in her hands. "And then, you want me to call you 'Uncle'..."

"All through the encounter, yes," Tatewaki nodded rigidly, sitting on the bed with his fists on his knees. "And not a word about this to anyone, ever!"

She shrugged, and put on the wig, then the glasses. "You're the one paying, chief!"

He rasped loudly.

She sighed. "Sorry, Uncle Tacchi...!"

 

Chisame and Louise.

After dinner, Chisame had retreated to read some books Nodoka and Yue had lent her. Books weren't a replacement for the Internet, but they at least helped her not to think about it.

Or about Sora.

Or about Tsunetsuki.

Somewhat.

Louise approached her, frowning. "Hasegawa..."

"What do you want?" Chisame asked, without looking back at her.

The younger girl rasped loudly, closing her eyes. "I need to return a favor to you!"

Now Chisame did look at her, annoyed. "A what?"

Louise made an irritated sound. "Out of all of your stupid companions, you're the only one who has treated me with a modicum of the respect a scion of the La Valliere house deserves!"

Chisame blinked. "I have?"

"Ergo," Louise said proudly, "I am morally obligated to do somethiing to repay you! I've decided I'll teach you some manners of the nobility so you can be in my company!"

Chisame returned to her reading. "I don't think there's anything you can teach me."

"Yue told me you can't dance."

Chisame glared at her. Hostile. "And you do?"

"Of course I do!" Louise humphed, with a hand on her chest. "I have been invited to many balls! Come here," she said, extending a hand towards her. "Trust me."

After a moment of annoyance, without knowing why, perhaps just to get her off her case, Chisame stood up and held her small hands.

Louise began guiding her across the room, with far more patience than Chisame had been expecting. She spoke little, only instructing her when necessary, so she moved her feet the correct way, and they took breaks every so often, Louise only talking about what she should do next and how.

They danced this way for a couple of hours, until Louise finally smiled up at her. A very rare sight. "Not too bad," she allowed. "You are better than Negi, at the very least..."

"You've done this with Negi already?!"

Louise huffed. "He is my partner after all! Why wouldn't I?!"

Chisame felt upset at this, mostly at Negi for not telling her before, but she didn't want to appear jealous for no good reason. Still, Louise realized, and smirked evilly, in a rare instance of being allowed an edge over another. It was very enjoyable. For Louise, that is.

"That will be all for now!" the pink haired girl said happily, bringing her hands together. "I'll teach you a more advanced technique tomorrow! Have a good night!"

She turned around on her heels and began walking out of the room, chuckling to herself.

Chisame stared after her long trail of wavy hair for a moment, and then said, quietly, "Good night."

Louise was about to reach her own bedroom when she saw Kagurazaka leaned on a wall indolently, her arms folded. "That," Asuna said, "was a mistake."

And Louise scowled. "What?"

"Matoi-senpai will see you as a rival now," Asuna said, wagging a finger. "I won't tell her, but someone else will. Tsukuyomi, most likely. And then she'll get really mad at you."

"Let her try!" Louise scoffed loudly, seeing Asuna depart with a shrug of shoulders.

Louise the Zero entered the room, closed after herself, and plopped down on the bed, crossing her arms under her chin. "Let her try..." she repeated.

She was well used to having rivals anyway.

Not that she should be thinking of this person that way.

But, regardless.

 

Do you Remember?

"Oh, here you are," Fujimaru Ritsuka asked, stopping by a large table in the otherwise empty cafeteria area. Artoria, Frankenstein, Medusa, Nameless and Medea sat there, quietly sharing drinks. "Whatcha doing?"

Artoria motioned at the red haired girl to sit down. "We were reminiscing. Turns out, we all took part in the same Holy Grail War, somewhere else, so long ago."

"Really?" Ritsuka asked, pulling a chair. "Wow, what a coincidence. To think you all would end up here, together again, long after that..."

"It's no coincidence, if our presences were drawn to you, then it must mean we resonate with each other, to some degree, Master," Medea said, and then favored Artoria with a subtly sly smile. "Wouldn't you agree, Saber? We are fated to meet again and again, through the tides of time and space..."

The blonde rasped throatily. "Perhaps, but then again, fate may be quite cruel at times."

"Ah. Ha ha ha, you guys," Ritsuka laughed a bit mechanically. "Whatever happened back then, I hope it didn't sour you on each other..."

The Rider smiled and reached over to pat the Berserker on a shoulder, almost affectionately. "No, I wouldn't say so. Eve and I actually share somewhat fond memories of our mutual company from back then."

"You were in the same side?" Ritsuka asked, interested.

Artoria sighed. "It was a time of shifting allegiances. We would be enemies and then allies of convenience, until none of us could stand anymore.Except Archer. He was at odds with us all along."

The white haired man smiled. "I did what I had to do."

Ritsuka looked curious, but didn't want to press on the subject. But all of them could read the emotions on her face, so Fran, out of all of them, said, "I had... two Masters... The first one... was... bad. But the... second one... I will remember her, always."

Medea sighed, swinging her glass around and taking another elegant sip. "My Master was the most wonderful man I ever met in any life. A widower with a young daughter. I'm just sorry... I never could be a good wife to him, or a good mother to her."

"My Master was a boy who always did his best for the sake of everyone, and I hope he could find happiness after I left," Saber reminisced sadly. "You know, in a way, he was pretty much like you." She gave Ritsuka a small melancholic smile. "Just like you, he charged ahead at danger, without ever quite realizing how serious it could get."

"Ah, I see..." Ritsuka nodded. "Sorry... I guess..."

"There's nothing to be sorry about," Artoria said, then gulped the rest of her glass. "Shirou was a magnificent person."

Archer rolled his eyes discreetly, and then looked down. "My Master was a complicated young woman. She missed her beloved far too much, and for that person's sake, she would do anything. But in the end, I suppose, they were bound to meet again. My only regret is I failed to help much in that regard."

Ritsuka gulped.

"And my Master... My poor, dear Master..." Rider exhaled. "He was just a child... a lost soul..."

"Guys," Ritsuka said, "I know nothing that I say can fix anything, but--"

Rider raised a hand. "That's fine. Don't worry about that, it's all in the past now. Yours is the future, Master, and you need to keep your eyes on it."

"A past," Nameless said, tapping his fingers on the table, "that couldn't possibly have happened in this temporal line anyway."

"Ah?" Ritsuka blinked.

"And then there was Professor Negi, of course," Saber said, smiling fondly.

"Who?" Ritsuka asked.

"Long story..." the Berserker said, looking at her feet, which had been brought together.

"Should I leave you alone?" Ritsuka gulped, starting to get up. "If you want some private time to cry, that's okay, sorry I intruded."

"Don't be silly, Master," the Caster said. "Servants don't cry."

Not in the outside, at least.

Ritsuka sat down again. "Then please tell me more about them, if you don't mind. I want to learn more about those wonderful people."

"Who will go first?" Artoria asked the others.

Archer chuckled. "Caster, it has to be Caster. She's the one with the most DEEP LOVE in her heart, jiiiiiiiiii."

"Very funny," Caster scowled at him. And then she smiled at the young woman. "Master's name was Akashi Wataru, and he was a school teacher..."

Outside, it was starting to snow very slowly.

 

Why Didn't You Tell Me?

The demons were defeated. The hole in the sky had been closed. The Mage of the Beginning had been sealed back. Over half of Mahora was in ruins now, but miraculously human casualties seemed to be down to zero at the time.

The old man sat on the ground, rubbing his jaw. "... Well," he said quietly. "I suppose that, to some degree, I deserved that."

"Oh, Grandpa...!" Konoka said, kneeling by his side and studying his bruised, bleeding jaw. "He shouldn't have reacted like that...!"

"Put yourself in his shoes, Konoka-chan," Konoemon said as she started healing him. "Imagine Eishun-kun had disappeared for years and I knew where he was, but I never told you."

Yuuna nodded. "I'd have hit you twice," she said plainly. Then she looked in the direction Negi had taken. "Natsumi-chan, maybe you should go with them as well?"

Natsumi blinked, from where she was helping Darkwing back up, a bewildered Rin and Sakura staring at him. "Eh?" the actress asked. "Wh-Why me?"

"She's right, Natsumi-chan, go," Chizuru said gently, giving her a soft push in that direction. "He and Ayaka might need you now."

"But, Chizu-nee, you...?"

Chizuru smiled and grabbed Darkwing by the shoulders. "I think I'll be thanking your friend for keeping you safe back there. Go."

The duck blinked and looked at his hands. "How can I be stil alive if I'm here?"

Natsumi sighed and began following Ku Fei, who was gesturing at her to come along with her. "O-Okay. Please take care of yourself..."

It took Chisame, Matoi, Louise and Ayaka a while to find Negi. Misora was already there, of course, with a trail of burnt grass behind her. She stood a few steps apart from him, unsure of how to approach him, and clearly struggling with herself.

Negi was by the river, punching repeatedly on the metal structure of the bridge, leaving large dents on it with each punch. His eyes were tightly closed, with streams of tears running down his face.

Chisame froze where she was, but then she felt Ayaka and Matoi giving her back not so subtle shoves. Sighing, she walked up to Negi's side.

"Sensei... Negi," she said. "I'm not going to tell you to take it easy, but--"

"They knew. They all knew, Chisame!" he blurted out, nose blowing pathetically. "Takamichi! Itoshiki! Rakan! All this time, they... they knew exactly where he was!"

Unable to hold herself anymore in the face of his pain, Ayaka swiftly moved to his other side and wrapped her arms around his torso, almost pushing Chisame aside. Chisame honestly wondered why she'd sent her there first then. "Sensei, please!" the blonde begged, weeping herself. "Don't do this to yourself...!"

Chisame turned her head aside, and she saw Evangeline approaching slowly, wearing battle ravaged black rags all over her otherwise naked body. Louise yelped and jumped aside, having nasty flashbacks of Scroll Evangeline. "They are right, Boya," the vampire said tiredly. "Even I won't hold that against them. There's no point on it..."

"Oh, so you didn't know either?" Chisame asked.

"Of course I didn't!" Eva snapped. "Otherwise I'd have plucked him out myself, long ago!"

"No matter how foolish that would have been..." Matoi said stoically.

"Ah!" Eva said. "You were here?"

"Yes, always."

Boldened by Ayaka's example, Misora crouched by Negi and hugged him as well. "You know you can count on us no matter what, Negi-kun. We'll never keep secrets from each other! Y'all know I'm the Mysterious Sister, that Iinchou actually loves Asuna, that Chisame is Chiu..."

"I, I don't--" Ayaka blinked then. "Wait, you're the Mysterious Sister?! And who is Chiu?!"

With another sigh, Chisame snapped her fingers. Matoi, after a spartan nod, grabbed Misora and Ayaka and yanked them off Negi at the same time, making them yowl. Chisame then knelt before Negi and hugged him, kissing his forehead delicately. "I can't tell you whether they were right to do that or not," she admitted, rocking him back and forth in her embrace. "I'm not wise enough for that. I'm not going to give you a motivating speech either, you know I'm not that kind of person. Sorry. I think you're right to be upset, but if you're going to hurt yourself through that, I want you to stop it, okay?"

He hugged back, shaking, and cried against her bosom while the other girls watched in silence.

Eventually, Ku Fei arrived with a panting, exhausted Natsumi in tow. "Ah, here you were," the Chinese girl said. "See, I told you Chinese tracking works."

Natsumi, aghast at seeing him so small, so frail, so shattered again, gasped and staggered towards them. Negi, with bloodshot tearful eyes, looked at her for a moment and then disentangled himself from Chisame's arms, throwing himself into hers.

"I'm sorry!" he wailed. "I'm so sorry! For all the time I lied to you...!"

Natsumi returned the hug and gently placed her chin on his scalp. "There's nothing to forgive, Sensei," she said, feeling his sweaty warmth, and realizing that there was no more pleasing sensation in the world for her. "I only have thanks for you."

The sun was starting to set down behind the distant hills.

 

Betrayal.

"Sakura, I'm home!" Rin said, walking into the house and closing her umbrella. "Sorry I'm late, but--!"

"Ngh. Oh. Hh!" she heard Sakura's voice, which filled her with alarm.

"Yes, that's it. You have good technique. Ohhhh, that's a good grip..." said another, familiar voice.

Rin began running further into the manor.

"Ah!" Sakura was gasping now. "N-Not so rough!"

"Ho, ho, I have turned the tables on you, haven't I?" the other voice asked. "Let me show you how it's done..."

Rin slammed the door of the private gym where Kirei taught her martial arts open. "SAKURA!" she roared. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU...!"

Sakura, wearing a tight spandex uniform, quickly backed away from the similarly clad Luviagelita, who had been pinning her against the floor. "O-O-Oneesama! I can explain! This isn't what it looks like! She was just teaching me wrestling... W-Well, I think it IS what it looks like, but...!"

"DIE!" Rin growled, pulling several gems out and jumping on Luvia.

Fran just sat a corner, filming the whole procedures with an apathetic expression. "..."

 

The Demon in the Details.

Zazie sat on a bench of the lonely park, absently feeding the birds. She would put her hand in a bag of seeds, then lazily throw them before her.

The afternoon sky was starkly red, almost like during the years between the Second Impact and the Fourth Heaven's Feel. The HiME Star was a crimson point at the middle of that scarlet extension. A dry, acrid breeze flew from the South, making the heat even more unbearable.

Eventually, the other two women arrived. Both were older than Zazie. One of them was a very shapely big breasted blonde, with fair skin and blue eyes, a true beauty in a tight white dress and high heeled shoes. The other one was a hulking, wide middle aged lady with white hair, pulled back into a small bun. She wore a gray short sleeved blouse with a matching long skirt, plus very shiny black shoes.

Both of them bowed their heads respectfully. "Princess," they said.

"Merku, Umeyo," Zazie said softly, without looking at them. "I want to hire your services through the next few years."

"But, Princess," the bigger woman said. "We are working for Lady Miku..."

"Mother will approve and seal your transfer papers," Zazie replied. "I'm going to need a matron and a nurse."

The blonde blinked. "Ara? D-Don't tell me that... Ma'am, that's beneath your station!" she gasped, scandalized. "What will your mother say!"

Zazie threw another handful of seeds at the birds. "Merku, you are into little boys, aren't you?"

"Eh?" the lower ranked demon pulled back a little, and then laughed and blushed, taking a hand to her cheek. "W-Well, I don't hate them, exactly...!"

Zazie pointed upwards, towards a specific spot in the sky, and told them, "My current teacher is there, breaking the seals that hold Ialda Baoth. Soon, it will be necessary to take special measures."

Umeyo's eyes widened slowly, while Merku choked and coughed briefly. "I-Ialda Baoth...?!" the latter said, nearly panicking.

Zazie finally looked aside at them, smiling vaguely. "Negi-sensei will be back shortly. At least, I hope so. In the meanwhile, we need to find you a place where to stay. I'm afraid I can't bring you to my apartment just yet..."

 

The Unfamiliar of Zero.

Siesta smiled and gestured towards the black haired boy. "Mademoiselle La Valiere, let me introduce you to my fiance, Hiraga Saito."

Louise stared at him, blankly. "..."

He smiled nervously. "H-How are you? It's a honor, really, I... um... why are you pulling that thing out?"

"Which thing?" Louise asked, genuinely confused, before realizing she had her riding crop already in a hand.

---

"... but why did you do it?" Chisame asked, keeping her cool.

"I don't knoooooow...!" Louise wailed, taking both hands to her own head. "For some reason, my hand had started itching, so much...!"

 

Myth Conceptions.

Louise entered the room with an ashen, wide eyed face.

"What happened?" Chisame asked, looking up from her laptop.

The pink haired girl trembled. "I saw... I saw your friends, those twins, in my way back... They... They were kissing by a side of the road! When they thought nobody was looking!"

"Ah, that," Yuuna said, eating chips around the table with Matoi, Kaede and Skuld. "Yeah, that's just like Fuuka and Fumika..."

"BUT, BUT THEY ARE SISTERS!" Louise shouted, with spiraling eyes.

Kaede smiled and wagged a finger. "Nin-nin!" she said. "Louise-dono, you obviously don't know about Japanese folklore. But we have this tradition, a beautiful legend that says that, whenever two star crossed lovers die, they are reincarnated in their next life as twins. Fuuka-dono and Fumika-dono are just acting on their feelings that trascend time and--"

"Actually, no, they're only pedo lesbic incestuous weirdos." Skuld said apathetically, dunking a chip in her large cup of icecream, scooping a mouthful out, and swallowing it. "That's all, really."

Kaede blinked. "Ah," she said blandly. "Are you sure?"

"Ahhh, hah..." Skuld nodded. "That star crossed lovers thing is just a made up fantasy."

Kaede hummed. "I see..."

"You know," Yuuna told Skuld, "you're the last person in the planet who should talk about a sister complex."

"Shut up, you!"

Somewhere, in the middle of a vigorous session of kissing and fondling, Himemiya Chikane and Kurusugawa Himeko sneezed for some reason.