OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

Didn’t they also reincarnate as Twins?

 

Or they are fated to.

I wanted to write a segment where Shiho finds and blows 'that' flute and feels a weird taste on it, but since nor Chikane nor Himeko are actually mikos in this life I couldn't make it work.

 

Point of View.

Madoka walked up to Haruna, who was sitting at her drawing board.

"Hey, Paru," Kugimiya said. "What's your opinion about manga and anime piracy?"

"I'm all for it since it saves me money, and Mom taught me how much it helped," Haruna said calmly, without looking away from her work, "but as soon as I'm a professional I will be vehemently against it."

Madoka walked back to Yue.

"You're wrong!" she told Ayase. "She doesn't break down, collapsing and torn apart from the inside!"

Yue rubbed her chin. "She must have come to terms with it while we were separated, huh..."

 

The Right Woman in the Right Place.

"Mikan-san," Chisame said, showing a picture of Negi to Rito's sister. "What do you think about this?"

Mikan looked closely. "His hair is too long, he really should have that scar on his cheek operated, and I've always thought these glasses frankly look dumb on him."

Chisame nodded. "Good." Then she showed her a picture of Negi in his adult form. "And this?"

"He looks too lanky, the scar looks even worse on him now, and he smiles like a goofball. If he's going to look that age, he should act like it, too."

Chisame almost smiled. She extended a shirt towards her. "Please smell this. What do you think?"

Mikan sniffed and made a face. "Ewwww! Whoever wore this should bathe more frequently...!"

"You're hired," Hasegawa told her.

Mikan blinked. "For what?"

---

Mikan, wearing a business suit, shook Negi's hand. "From now on, I'll be your secretary while Hasegawa-senpai works in the Blue Mars network. Pleased to be onboard with the project."

"Oh... Oh!" Negi said slowly. "That's great, welcome to the team..."

Haruna smiled and patted Mikan's shoulder. "She was the only woman brocon enough as to never be distracted by you!"

Mikan, without looking back, elbowed her in the stomach.

 

That Girl.

"Thank you very much for coming so fast, Senpai," Mikan said, bowing at him.

Keiichi smiled at her. "Think nothing of it, Mikan-chan. But why didn't just ask Lala-san to fix it?"

"The last time she fixed the air conditioner," Nao said, "it gained sentience and took over the house."

Keiichi blinked. "Ah... I see. Well, see you later, I-- Oh!" he stopped, noticing the framed picture of a gorgeous orange haired girl on the table. "Is she another cousin of yours? So beautiful...!"

"Would you be interested on dating her?" Nao asked.

"What?" Keiichi almost gave a jump, blushing. "Um, no, I didn't mean that! I mean, she sure looks lovely, but, it'd be too forward of me, and besides--"

Mikan sighed. "That is Rito after being hit by Lala's gender changing ray."

Keiichi stared at them in horror, and then said, "And, and then why do you have this here, where any visitors can see it?!"

"We like to see their reactions," Nao said. "Are you sure you don't want to date him? You don't have to be shy around him since you're both guys...!"

 

Always Someone Worse.

Luffy D. Monkey grinned widely, walking towards the town's board of announcements with his hands on his hips.

"Ah ha ha ha!" he laughed. "Let's see how high I rank now!"

He leaned towards his Wanted poster. There it was, under a clear closeup picture of his smiling face.

" 400,000,000 Berries! Alright!"

Then he casually looked next to a new bunch of posters placed next to those of the Straw Hats.

'Negi T. Springfield- 1,000,000,000,000 Berries'.

Luffy's jaw literally dropped to the floor.

---

"What's wrong with the Captain?" Sanji sneered, looking at Luffy, who sat in silence with his face slammed down on the kitchen's table. "He's never been that worried about that kind of stuff before!"

"It's not so much that there's someone outdoing him, " Zoro said. "It's that the guy is a complete newbie...!"

 

1,001 Manga Creation Nights.

"Oh," Ritsuka said, looking through the finished pages. "You're getting much faster at putting them out!"

"Yeah," Osakabehime said, hunchbacked over the drawing board. "I've got a new assistant who takes care of the writing remarkably fast."

"Who is it?" Ritsuka asked.

She smiled. "Secret of the trade..."

---

In the next, locked room, Scheherezade worked frantically, writing and writing. "Oh, oh dear...! This is like being married all over again...!"

 

Hasegawa Clan Reunion.

---

Mother.

She didn't look at all like Chisame-sama or Sora-san. That was the thing that surprised Matoi the most.

Then again, it as difficult to say for sure what DID she look like. Almost all of her face but the pale chin and the delicate lips was covered by thick bangs of chocolate hair, even more concealing than Nodoka's.

Hasegawa Hatsu bowed deeply. "Negi-sensei, Tsunetsuki-san. Pleased to meet you finally. Thanks for looking after Chisame and Sora all this time..."

Father.

"You look like shit," Chisame had to say bluntly, after several moments of shock. "Where have you been living now?"

The man in the dark glasses rasped and looked aside, awkwardly. "I've had to travel the countryside lately, you know. My latest line of job--"

Sora made an extremely bitter face that Negi and Keiichi had never seen before and growled, in an extremely acrid tone they'd never heard from her either, "Oh God, you're actually sleeping in the streets now, aren't you? Just when I thought you couldn't fall any lower, Madao..."

Taizo began weeping.

Aunt.

"Oh, you're even cuter than I had been told," the bespectacled woman smiled, and then, without a warning, drew Negi into a hug, pulling his head between her breasts, which were easily as big as Shizuna's, if not even bigger. "I trust Chisame-chan hasn't ever tried anything improper with you...!"

"YOU MEAN LIKE WHAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW?!" Chisame roared at her.

Uncle Hayato raised an eyebrow as Negi flailed his arms wildly. "Chisato, is suffocating him part of the part so you can give him CPR right after?"

"Oh, nothing escapes you...!" she laughed easily.

Uncle.

"Just look at how much you've grown!" the brown haired man marveled, putting a hand on Chisame's head. "You're already taller than Hatsu..."

"Thank you, Uncle Hayato," Chisame said stiffly.

Then he placed his hand on Sora's head. "And you! How much your freckles have grown...!"

Sora sobbed. "I know, right...!"

Cousin.

"So, um," Chisame uneasily asked the blond young man, "how are you doing?"

He sighed. "I've been drawn into a club with an eccentric blonde heiress, a volatile Tsundere in a love-hate-more hate relationship with her, a scientific genius I might kinda like but who gives me some creeps, a dutiful maid, and a Catholic sister who isn't that good a Christian. You?"

Chisame's grimace tightened a little. "I... I've been surfing the Net a lot."

"Ah," Kodaka said blandly. "The Tsundere turned out to be Sora, by the way."

Chisame blinked. "You mean that really ugly boy?"

A voice was heard from the next room. "I know that horrible voice," it said.

Mikazuki Yozora peeked in. "Gah! The cricket with glasses...!"

Cousin.

"Don't you remember me?" Chisame asked. "I'm Francine! Francine!"

Kobato only looked at her warily.

"And this is Juliet!" Chisame said, patting the reluctant Sora in an arm. "Juliet!"

Kobato only looked at Sora in a mixture of contempt and intimidated disgust.

Chisame sighed, then pointed at Negi. "And this is--"

Kobato gasped, and then her mouth hung open, as her eyes sparkled beautifully.

The most gorgeous person she had ever seen blinked, confused. Why did he feel oddly reminded of Ayaka right now?

"-- Negi Springfield," Chisame finished after an annoyed groan. "My homeroom teacher. But no doubt you'll want to call him--"

"ALOYSIUS!" the little blonde said excitedly, tightly clasping her hands together.

"... excuse me?" Negi said.

Sena peeked in from the next room, frowning. "Hey, hey there. Are you trying to seduce all the women in this family, or what? Kobato-chan is where I draw the line...!"

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Konosuba.

I woke up with a start, under white sheets covering me up to my chest.My mother sat by my bedside, with a neutral expression on. "Ah," she said blandly. "You're back."

"Back?" I repeated, with everything still feeling like a confusing blur. The last thing I remembered was facing the Demon Lord with Aqua, Megumin and Darkness, and then...

Was it all a dream? All of it, seriously?

"How long have I been comatose?" I asked.

Mother shrugged while a nurse and a doctor came by apathetically. "Two weeks..."

Two weeks. That can't be right. I'd spent months in that other world, around a year. Surely my body would be rotting by now, wouldn't it...?

Then I caught a sniff of myself and winced. Ugh. I was rotting after all.

Mother stood up and began walking away as the doctor took my pulse.

"Mom, wait," I said.

She stopped. "Yes, Kazuma?"

"Is it true that you and Dad laughed after learning how I was ran over?"

She stopped, stiffening in place.

"No... Of course not," she said, just as rigid in tone, and then left the room quickly.

You can't fool me, woman. Damn, you're cold.

I left the hospital soon enough, and I went back to my usual life. I had even less reasons to leave my room now.

I tried not to think too hard about the three idiots, or about anyone else back there. It's not that it would hurt or anything, but... What was the point?

I gained some weight. Why wouldn't I? I didn't need to fight for my life anymore. And things were better this way.

After half a year, one day, I felt like going out again. Maybe because no one else was doing it anymore, what with the virus crap and all. I walked without a compass through the mostly empty city, wandering in silence, and then I saw three women standing at a corner, discussing among them.

A tall blonde one, a blue haired one, and a small, young one with short brown hair. They looked at me and blinked.

I chuckled. "Ah, of course," I said, folding my arms. "I should've known! You'd get yourselves killed sooner than later, you idiots!"

Aqua smiled at me. "Just lok at yourself, Hikikoneet. You're fat as a pig."

 

How Matoi Kept her Looks.

This happened softly after the visit to Library Island and shortly before the trip to Kyoto.

The door rang, and since Hakase was working on a machine and Negi was grading homework, Chisame went to open.

Tsunetsuki Matoi was standing on their doorstep, smiling. "Good afternoon, Chisame-sama."

"Don't call me '-sama'," Chisame said curtly, after a moment of surprise.

Matoi blinked. "Oh!" She smiled further, taking a hand to her own cheek and blushing. "You mean I can call you 'Chisame-chan' already...?"

Chisame facepalmed. "I'm your kouhai! Call me 'Chisame-san'! And why are you wearing that?!"

Matoi looked down at herself. "Would you rather have me wearing something more revealing?"

"You've been spying on me, haven't you?!" Chisame said furiously, tugging on her shirt, which was identical to Matoi's. Their shorts looked just the same as well. "You creepy... woman!"

"I haven't been spying on you," Matoi said, taking a hand to her chest. "I just happen to know that these are the clothes you usually wear in Mondays."

"They are?" Chisame said, and then grew angry again. "That just means that you've been spying on me regardless!"

"Not today, though," Matoi said.

"IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER?!"

Matoi shrank on herself. "What... What am I supposed to wear, then?"

"I don't know! Anything else!"

"Anything? Ohhhhh!" She made a wide cheeky grin. "Oh, Chisame-sama...!"

Chisame's face grew red. "No! No, no, I don't mean that! Why don't you keep wearing the same hakama as before?!"

"Ah? That old thing I wore while following Itoshiki-sensei around?"

"Yes, sure, whatever! Better that than this!"

"But..." Matoi doubted. "Those are the clothes of a false love..."

Chisame sighed, pondered what to say without triggering this nut into another flight of lunacy, and then said, without knowing all too well why, "You looked more feminine in those. Even if they were the clothes of a man."

Matoi's face lit up warmly.

"I'll do just that, Chisame-sama," she said, bowing her head. "If that's the way you like it."

"Is it the way you want it?" Chisame frowned.

"Yes..."

"I don't believe you."

"Well," Matoi shrugged. "They are comfortable, I can't deny that."

Chisame sighed and stepped aside. "Fine. Do that, then. But first, dinner. You haven't dined yet, have you? Of course you haven't."

"Ah? Don't you want me to go get changed back before coming in?"

"Tomorrow will be another day," Chisame said wearily, just giving up for now.

Matoi repressed her urges to give her a thankful kiss, and she skipped in merrily.

Chisame closed the door after the older girl.

 

From the Mouths of Bab(i)es.

"Okay," Chidori Kaname said, after several moments of staring at him in silence. "I am a fair woman. I'd like to think I am, at least. So I'll let you try and explain this before I murder you horribly."

Sagara Sousuke nodded. "Thank you. I have decided that this is the most advantageous way to look after Tokiwa Kyoko. This way, she is much less likely to ever stray away, she makes for a far smaller target, and most importantly, those looking for her will never be able to recognize her now."

"Goo goo!" the baby Kyoko said, straped to Sousuke's chest and drooling while attempting to reach for Kaname.

"..." Kaname said before sighing. "Okay. Fine. That makes sense... in a way. I'll tell you what, I'll put killing you in the backburner until I've dealt with the person who made this possible! Show me the way," she said, starting to roll her sleeves up.

Somewhere in the Mahora laboratories, Yakuzen Kusuri, in her grownup form, paused in the middle of mixing chemicals. "What's with this sensation of impending doom? Am I going to die before I even get to make my debut?"

 

Bad Good Companies. On Second Thought, Just Bad.

"Mom, I brought some friends for a sleep over!" Usagi said. "This is Mina-chan..."

"Nice to meetcha, Ikuko-san!" the very pretty blonde smiled and waved.

Ikuko smiled back. "Likewise, Mina-chan!"

"-- and this is Shiho-chan..." Usagi continued.

"How are you. Thanks for your welcome," the short red-haired girl bowed uncomfortably, keeping her distance.

Ikuko laughed and patted her head. "You're so cute! But you don't need to be so formal!"

"This is Mayu-chan..." Usagi sighed.

The just as short as Shiho purple haired girl made a curtsy. "Pleased to make your acquaintance, Ma'am!"

"Oh, same thing!" Ikuko said. "You're lovely, too!"

"This is Ritsuko..."

The grown up blonde nodded, smoking a cigarette. "A pleasure."

Ikuko blinked. "Oh... Um, likewise. Excuse me, but when did you get to meet--"

"I'm Harleen, and this is Pammy!" the third, widely grinning blonde wearing the very tight top with 'Daddy's Little Monster' written on the chest shook Ikuko's hand violently. "Sorry she can't shake yer hand herself, but she's gotta this, uh, skin condition! See how green it is?"

"I... I think I can see, yes..." a spaced out Ikuko said, eyebrow twitching at the pale redhead smiling sultrily at her. "Ah, you girls aren't in junior high anymore, are you...?"

"Oh, we're still younger than Rits! If you wanna someone young, here's Hotaru!" Harleen laughed, pushing a very embarrassed little pale girl with short black hair ahead. "Say hi to the nice lady, Hotaru!"

"Ahhhhh... G-Good afternoon..." Hotaru stammered, blushing.

Ikuko winced, and then looked aside, trying to find support from her husband on how to deal with this.

The way Kenji and Shingo were drooling in silence while staring at the winking 'Pammy' was not a good sign.

"Oh, and this is Akira-chan, our-- Mom?" Usagi said. "Mom, I don't like that look on your face now..."

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Calvin and Hobbes.

"Here," his mother said, putting the tiger on the bed. "It's clean and dry now."

Calvin frowned, hugging the toy. "Next time, I'll be bathing him, okay?"

"Oh, no, no, we aren't doing that again," the woman said. "So you can flood half of the house again? Maybe when you're fifteen!"

"But he's a boy!" Calvin whined. "That's, how you'd call it-- Wrong!" He made a face, after struggling to find the right wrong word.

"You're a boy too, and I still bathe you," his mother said.

"That's different!" Calvin grumbled.

"Why?"

"Why would I even need to explain!?"

"You can't," she said, sighing before leaning to kiss his forehead. "Maybe if you didn't get him so dirty, so often, I wouldn't have to wash him all the time. Good night."

She turned the lights off, and then left the bedroom, closing after her.

Calvin mumbled and set Hobbes aside. He folded his arms and fumed.

The tiger smiled. "You don't have to be mad! There's nothing wrong about it..."

"You enjoy a bath when she's giving it, don't you! Just enjoying a bath is already wrong enough...!"

 

Comedy Cold.

Sitting in the darkness of his icy cold deep under Gotham City, Mr. Freeze brooded.

"Batman doesn't respect me anymore," he said. "The fear is gone from his eyes whenever he faces me now. Those white, resolute eyes..."

One of his henchmen approached him. "Maybe you should try jokes?"

"What?"

"I mean, Boss, just look at the Joker. He really gets under Batman's skin by cracking wise and mocking him. Maybe you should try doing that?"

"..." the armored man contemplated pensively.

"I can write some for you, if you'd like," the henchman offered.

"Show me what you got..."

----

The Bat and his youthful partner dropped into the museum, crashing through the skylight.

"Ah, Batman!" Freeze said, taking aim with his ice cannon. "Do you know what killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!"

Batman blinked, and then just stared at him. "...?"

Freeze sighed and drooped his head. "I knew this was a terrible idea. I feel so stupid now..."

Batman threw a Batarang at his head.

---

"So what are you going to do to the henchman? Kill him?" the Riddler asked from the next cell.

"No," Freeze said. "It was my own fault for taking his advice. I sent him with a recommendation to the Joker's gang."

"... Joker's going to kill him sooner than later, you know that, right?"

"I said that it was my fault, not that I was a reasonable man."

 

A Matter of Royal Ego.

"You have grown, Nozomu," Arika said fondly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "You have grown so much indeed."

He blushed and looked aside, feeling like a child again. "N-No. You honor me with your words, but..."

"No, you have," she insisted. "And why shouldn't you? So long has passed since then, after all..."

And then she was standing at the other end of the hall, with her back turned on him and her head slumped down, supporting herself on a hand planted on the wall.

"It's been over a decade since my prime..."

He sweatdropped. "You don't look any older in the slightest..."

"Please be quiet or I'll hang you myself."

No matter how tempting the offer might sound, he tightly closed his lips right then.

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Ratatouille.

"I'm sorry, Dad!" Remy said. "I must follow my dream! I'll go to Paris... and become a chef in a Chinese restaurant!"

---

After another bad day at the job, Linguini just sighed, headed over to the Chinese deli, bought some takeout, and brought it home.

While eating, he suddenly picked a small bone from between his teeth. He looked at it for a moment, then shrugged it off, threw it away, and kept on eating apathetically.

---

"Where do you think Remy is now, Dad?" Emile asked, not without concern. "He couldn't have fulfilled that dream... Could he?"

The older rat looked contemplative. "One way or another, he ended up getting in the business, I'm sure..."

 

Miss Hasegawa's Dragon Butler.

She stumbled through the wilderness, hiccuping to herself with a satisfied smile on her face.

"Thought yuh coulda outdrink mwe, didn'tcha, Akaschi? That... Dat'll teach ya..."

She stopped, blinking and realizing she had lost her way.

"Dammit," the woman grumbled, scratching her scalp. "I wash shure dis was the shortcut..."

Then she heard some loud, annoying braying coming from behind a line of trees, and moved around them to get a look, something she wouldn't have done while sober.

She saw a gigantic scaly animal with gray skin, crying in a hoarse voice as it held a massive claw up.

Chisame blinked, then squinted at the claw.

She reached up, impulsing herself on the tips of her feet, and grabbed the thick branch piercing through the reptile's skin.

She pulled it out, making the beast moan, and then smiled. "Dere! Whoa, dish shure ish a wild 'allucination. Dat was some potent liquor, huh? Bye."

She turned around, and began walking away, finally heading the right away home.

The dinosaur or whatever it was blinked, looking after her in silence.

It flexed its claw in and out, and then looked at her again.

She had disappeared at that point.

The dragon's eyes became large pink hearts.

---

Her head was killing her, but there was no way she could call sick.

After serving herself a spartan breakfast with a lot of black coffee, Miss Hasegawa pulled her jacket over her clothes, grabbed her suitcase, and headed for the front door of her apartment.

When she opened it, she saw a young boy, around ten years old, standing on her doorstep. He had dark red hair and wore fine black suit, complete with dark red tie and very shiny shoes.

"Good morning, Hasegawa-san!" he greeted her cheerfully, bowing. "I'm Negi Ddraig Goch! I'm going to be your butler starting today! If you don't mind, of course!"

Chisame stared at him blankly for several moments of utter confusion, and then asked a bland, "Whaaaaaaat?!"

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

The Punisher.

Punisher's War Journal, August 23:

Micro has been pestering me to distract myself. Says I need to cleanse my mind, that I'm burning myself from both sides. That I've been making mistakes because of stress.

Foolishness. I need my obsession to keep my edge. I can't keep my mind off my mission.

Went to kill Dirty Sanchez in his hideout after getting tip. Got lucky, also nailed two visitors doing coke. Bought milk and bread on my way back.

Punisher's War Journal, August 25:

Micro is the one stressing me. He won't stop nagging.

Just to humor him, decided to try new videogame. Extreme Vigilance. Shooting game, apparently. Will give it a try for a night or two so he doesn't keep complaining.

Punisher's War Journal, August 26:

This game is stupid. Gang bangers don't behave that way in real life. Despite that, game is tougher than it looks. Will give it another try tomorrow. I won't lose to a stupid thing like that.

Punisher's War Journal, August 27:

Beat game in Easy Mode. Easy? That was the Easy one?! Goddammit.

I unlocked a new level of difficulty. Micro dared me I couldn't beat it. I'll teach him.

After saving new game, went and massacred a crack den. Five dead, another one got away. I'd have nailed him if he behaved like a programmed thug.

Punisher's War Journal, August 30:

Unlocked Extra Hard mode. Fuck. How many of these are there?

I also got myself a plasma launcher cannon. I'm gonna have fun with this.

Punisher's War Journal, September 02:

Finished the game, unlocked all characters. Take that, stupid game. Bought myself sequel after dinner. I heard it has improved A.I.

Punisher's War Journal, September 05:

Micro whining at me to just go out already. Reminds me of drug deal in the East Side. What's his damn hurry? Criminals are a tardy and lazy lot, I've still got an hour to get there. Who does he think he is, my mother?

I've just figured out how to beat Boss of the Docks level.

---

"Whew, I'm relieved now," one of the well dressed men as they left the warehouse. "I was really afraid that psycho Castle would drop by at any moment..."

"You're always so bloody paranoid," his partner grunted. "Word is he isn't showing up that often anymore. Maybe old age's catching up with him."

They stopped before the loaded truck. "Okay, now it's only a matter of delivering the cargo to Don Rizzioli. But let me text my son first."

Seeing him pull the phone out, his partner arched an eyebrow. "How's Chuckie doing?"

"Fine as ever, but I've got to keep tabs on him since he's playing that damn game at all hours now. I tell you, that shit is making society so much more violent..."

Then Spider-Man dropped on them from above.

 

End Game.

The rest of the Unequally verse looked from afar at the Negima cast, who were all with their faces turned away, facing a long wall and collectively supported on it.

"What's gotten into them?" Erza asked. "Why are they so down?"

Matoi sighed. "UQ Holder ends next month, and afterwards, Akamatsu Ken becomes a politician. He'll most likely never draw a single manga page ever again. Their lives are effectively finished. They will never appear again anywhere. This is all for them, finished in a badly done epilogue for a mediocre series with tons of loose ends that will never be addressed."

"Truly horrible," Louise pondered grimly. "At least I got a proper conclusion for my series."

"Yes. You," Siesta deadpanned.

"I've got a new series coming this year," Lum shared.

"I've got a reboot series of my own coming in 2023," Darkwing added.

"I'm scheduled for another blockbuster movie this year, then another Bruce Timm helmed animated series for the next," Batman said.

The Negima cast began wailing loudly.

"To be fair my reboot is handled by Seth Rogen," Darkwing said. "Odds are it'll be bad."

---

Akamatsu Ken, Prime Minister of Japan!

March 2035:

"Mr. Prime Minister, Sir!" his Chief Cabinet Secretary said. "This is the first big test of fire of your term! North Korea has just threatened us with a nuclear strike! What are we going to do, Sir!"

"I see, I see, yes..." the Prime Minister said, nodding pensively. "Well, what if we do a timeskip?"

"A... What?!"

He nodded. "A timeskip! We'll flash forward ten or forty years, and the situation with North Korea will have been settled off panel! That way we don't have to tackle it."

The Generals of the JSSDF, the Chief Cabinet Secretary, and all of the Ministers stared at him in mute horror.

"Fine, we'll call Dana then so she acts as our Deus Ex Machina!" the Prime Minister said irritably. "Do I have to think of everything around here?!"

 

Cracking the Shell, Part Two.

Sailor Venus, Sailor Mars, Tate, Sailor Mercury, Mizuno Ami, Nao and Nariyuki stood around the door of one of the cells.

"She can't do this," Shiho said.

"Shut up," Minako said irritably. "If you can't say anything positive, then please shut up."

"Look, don't shoot the messenger, okay?" Mars asked. "I get that she's your friend, but what can she know about cracking magically charged locks?! We'd be better--"

"It's done..." Ami said, standing back from the lock and unplugging her laptop, then folding it.

Venus stared at Mars.

Mars blinked. "Well, anyone can have a stroke of luck..."

A head peeked out of the cell, looking around wildly, in all directions. The assembled group blinked as one; they'd been expecting for one of Negi-sensei's students, but not this person.

"Chisame-sama!" Tsunetsuki Matoi called, fully emerging from the cell. "Where are you, Chisame-sama?!"

"Ah!" Tate gasped. "You were here?!"

She paused to stare at him. "Yes, always," she said."Why is that so surprising?" Then she began fretting around again, hyperventilating. "My Chisame-sama! Those barbarians locked my Chisame-sama away from me!"

"Yeah, well, I'm sure someone else must be finding her right now," Minako said, frowning. "Let's move on, the guards must be about to--"

Matoi-senpai fell to her knees and hands on the floor and began sniffing it. "That way!" she said after a moment, starting to run down a side hall. "They took Chisame-sama that way!"

The rescue party blinked after her, genuinely perplexed.

"Should we follow her...?" Nariyuki asked at last.

"She's 3-F," Nao snorted. "3-F can take care of themselves!"

"Maybe you're right," Akira said evenly. "What if we go look for Haruna-san now, then?"

Nao began following Matoi's trail. "One second though, we should make sure that other girl isn't raped by her."

The rest of the bunch sighed and went after her.

 

Whose Fault?

"There's something I've been meaning to ask you," Chisame told Nagi, both sitting at the lunch table. "That thing Negi does..."

"Which thing?" the just rescued man asked after seeing her pause uncomfortably.

"You know, that sneezing thing!" Chisame groaned.

"Oh, that thing. What about it?"

"He inherited it from you, right?"

"From me? Oh, no, no! I don't even know how to cast that spell!"

"Seriously?" Chisame blinked. "Then, how did he--"

Arika walked in holding a tray with three large glasses of juice. "Sorry I took this long. I couldn't help but overhearing you talking about spe-- Ahhhh." She stopped. "Ahh, ahh, AT-CHOOOOO!"

A moment later, a naked Chisame quietly stared at the nude Nagi, over the table. "Never mind answering. I know now."

 

Endangered Species.

"I have been thinking..." Oolong said as he and Goku walked past an ostrich lady, "I'm kinda worried. We have been disappearing lately."

"We?" Goku asked.

"I mean, us animal people," Oolong explained. "It used to be that you'd see cow people, tiger people, bird people, lizard people, goat people, everywhere, but over the last few years they have been vanishing. Now it's just humans, humans anywhere you look. Why do you think is that?"

"Gee, I dunno, Oolong," Goku said, cleaning his teeth with a toothpick. The ostrich lady was nowhere in sight now.

 

Go Figure of Speech.

As soon as the Loud family arrived to the seaside, the sisters all threw their hands up and cried out the obligatory words.

"The blue sky...!" Lynn said.

"The white clouds...!" Lana said.

"The shiny sea...!" Lola said.

All but Leni, who, in her green bikini, fell to her knees on the sand and began punching it.

Lori rasped. "Leni, that's literally not what 'hitting the beach' means..."

 

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Komi Can't Communicate.

Komi-san dialed a number in her phone.

She got no answer.

Komi-san tried again.

Again, nobody answered.

Komi-san tried a third time.

Once again, she didn't succeed.

Sighing very quietly, she put the phone down and walked away.

 

The Tiger and the Swan.

Miharu frowned.

"Why are you close friends with this woman?" she asked, picking the portrait of Fujimura Taiga she'd found in her sister's apartment. "You two have nothing in common."

"We're both former athletes turned into teachers," Mafuyu-sensei said calmly, from where she was pressing her suit for the next day.

"But other than that!" Miharu insisted. "She's annoying you all the time!"

"It helps me forge character," Mafuyu said stoically.

"She's a drunk!" Miharu added.

"That much is true..."

"She's loud, crude, obnoxious!"

"She's also an old classmate. I've lost so many friends from back then..."

Miharu bit on her lower lip. "You're going to force me say it, aren't you? I know, Oneesama! I know about her family! She's the granddaughter of a mobster! You shouldn't mix yourself with such people! It's dangerous!"

The woman sighed. "Miharu-chan. You remember the night I won the Tsutsui Cup, don't you?"

"Of course I do! What does that have to do with this?"

"That night... the Fujimura-gumi had bet on my loss. Millions. They warned my trainer. They made it very clear that I had to throw the match. Or else."

Miharu gasped, horrified.

Mafuyu looked at her, still calm. "But Taiga learned about it, somehow. And she was disgusted. She forced her grandfather to step back. They made an agreement... I don't know what kind, exactly... but the point is, she forced him to let me compete to my best. And she told me to do my best to win. That she wouldn't ever forgive me otherwise. So I did."

"I... I didn't know that..." Miharu said.

Mafuyu shook her head. "The Fujimura-gumi lost millions that night. But we never were coerced again. That's not why I retired. I kept on competing several years afterwards. All thanks to Taiga."

Miharu looked down. "I... I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Mafuyu said after a moment. "As you said, she's been an annoyance to me for years, so I'm sure someday we'll be even..."

Somewhere else, in the local skating ring, Saber raised an eyebrow, watching Fujimura go across the ice.

"I'm surprised," she admitted to Shirou. "I never imagined she would be so skilled at something like that."

Shirou smiled faintly. "She has a friend who taught her the basics. She says that, someday, she'll convince her to let her teach her kendo in return..."

 

Love Changes You... Or Not.

Her friends approached her.

"What are you knitting, Matoi-senpai?" Momoka asked.

"Clothes for Chisame-sama and Negi-sama's baby!" Tsunetsuki said happily. "He's going to look sooooooo cute in them...!"

"Uh, good to see you're taking it so well," Kuroko observed. "I thought you'd have a problem with her pregnancy..."

"No, I love both Chisame-sama and Negi-sama," Tsunetsuki said. "You should try loving your rivals deeply, too! It brings you so much peace of mind...!"

Momoka frowned. "Knitting for my rivals? I guess I can see myself doing that, sort of..."

A large thought balloon appeared over her head, showing Hinata Natsumi and Angol Mois in matching burial shrouds.

A large thought balloon also appeared over Kuroko's head, showing Kamijou Touma in a burial shroud.

A large thought balloon also appeared over Kiyohime's head, showing Mash, Marie Antoinette, Mordred, Musashi, Raikou and Shuten-Douji in matching burial shrouds.

Finally, a large thought balloon appeared over Ren Yamai's head, showing Hitohito Tadano and a baby in matching burial shrouds.

Yamai began chuckling quietly to herself, with drool coming out a corner of her mouth.

Matoi, Momoka, Kuroko, and even Kiyohime began glaring in quiet, cold disapproval at her thought balloon.

"Remind me again, why are we friends with you after all?" Tsunetsuki asked.

 

Chamo Cannot Communicate.

"Why do I have to go in?" Chisame asked.

"Because we voted you, and the majority won, so there," Asakura said, putting Chamo in Chisame's hands. "Now stop protesting and go, will you?"

"I hate democracy..." Chisame grumbled, walking into the classroom of the senpais with the ermine in her hands.

The pink haired student she approached looked up from the book they was reading. There was a curious blink. "Oh? Oh, hey, you're a junior from 3-A! Part of Negi-sensei's club, right? How can I help you?"

Chisame wordlessly held Chamo before this person, and waited.

The ermine sniffed, then stiffened, with grotesquely widening eyes. Then he began convulsing.

With a gasp, Chisame ran back outside.

Osana Najimi blinked. "Eh?"

Outside, Chisame, Kazumi, Misa, Misora, Sakurako, Madoka and Makie surrounded the twitching Chamo in a close circle. "Well!?" Asakura urged. "Boy or girl!?"

"I don't knoooooow...!" Chamo wailed full of angst. "This had never happened to me beforeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"Damn!" Misa said. "Now we'll never settle that bet!"

Misora clenched a smile. "There's always a way. After classes, we kidnap them and then--"

"For the love of God, NO!" Chisame yelled.

Najimi peeked out of the classroom, still blinking. "Aaaaahhhh... Are you taking applicants again? Fortune telling clubs aren't my thing, but I can introduce you to Nakanaka-chan...!"

 

Demons and Heartless alike had descended all over Mahora, to such a degree that merely fleeing them was not an option anymore, as they were quickly swarming everywhere.

"Sir, we aren't prepared for an attack of this scale!" Seruhiko said, blasting a thorny imp jumping towards him, which merely sent if flying backwards. "We'll have a massacre here if we don't do something quickly!"

"I am aware!" Konoemon said, spinning in a kick that obliterated a hopping shadow creature charging him. Damn it, this is all my fault! he thought. We should have trained the children when we had the chance...

Sagara had a gun in each hand and shot away while keeping Kyoko and Kaname behind him, with Chidori's kicks barely keeping some tiny black creatures trying to jump on them at bay.

Misaka Mikoto held her hands open, blasting electricity at ax-wielding goblins trying to rush her, Saten and Uiharu, while Maaya and Kinuho protected themselves, Uraka, Nariyuki, Fumino, Rizu and Sawako by erecting a tall wall of hard water all around them. How long could that hold up, with a few dozens of demons hitting it, was another matter altogether.

Kitsu Chiri smashed hellspawns at left and right maniacally, wielding a shovel, and was proving herself surprisingly effective at that. Otonashi Meru was latched onto her back like a baby koala, probably unable to find a safer place at the moment, and sporting a very wide eyed disturbed expression. "..." she was saying.

The Tankery team had brought all tanks to the center of the campus and they were bringing as many students as would fit inside of them, while Shizuru, Natsuki and their Childs kept a relatively safe perimeter around them.

"Natsuki, I..." Fujino said, voice cracking slightly. "I'm sorry I never told you..."

"Hey, I can't talk," Natsuki sighed, taking aim with one of her miniguns and shooting a freezing bullet at a bat-like being swooping their way. "I told you, we can always settle this later, right? This isn't the time..."

"But, just in case we don't-"

"Oh, for the love of God, Shizuru!"

Fujino sighed and closed her eyes oh so very briefly. "I'm just afraid there might be no tomorrow..."

Natsuki couldn't really fault her, so she said nothing. Everywhere she looked, the situation looked dire. Kongou Mitsuko had just arrived herding a group of elementary school children towards the tanks, but she looked and sounded tired while using her abilities to bombard the demons following them with discharges of exploding compressed air. They really could have used the Tohsaka sisters and Emiya here, Natsuki reflected bitterly, but only God knew where they were now...

"OHHHH, HO HO HO!" a loud laughter cut through the air, startling Natsuki out of such grim thoughts. She spun around, thinking its source to be an archdemon commanding the others, but it turned out to be something marginally better.

"This school doesn't need Tohsaka Rin to defend it!" the just arrived blonde in the blue dress who was piledriving a demon into the ground with her dynamic entrance proclaimed proudly. She had clearly ripped the sleeves of said fine dress at some recent point, freeing her well toned white arms. "In the absence of that negligent land owner, Luviagelita Edelfelt gladly accepts this dare...!

This boast was punctuated by a strong wrestling grip of the head belonging to the struggling beast pinned under her, and then the blonde smirked, snapping its neck. Kuga winced for a moment. Ugh, magi. Then again, as long as she produced results...

"Miyu!" Luvia was shouting. "Over there!" she added imperiously, pointing towards another hot spot of demonic activity far down the boulevard.

Natsuki blinked, feeling a loud whoosh of air above her, and she looked up, seeing a small purple streak flying in that direction, shooting flying goblins out of its way as if they were nothing. Kuga couldn't help being genuinely impressed, was that some sort of new HiME...?

"We only need to hold the fort until the reinforcements from Ohtori, CLAMP and Honnouji arrive!" she told Shizuru, who was directing the Kiyohime as it swallowed several goblins whole. "This is their city as well! They won't let us down... I hope..."

However, if anything, the creatures were pouring out of the vortex even faster now. At this rate, they would literally cover the whole school before the other academies could send anyone. And what had happened to Negi-sensei and the others? Had they been killed already on the other side...?

Natsuki waited after thinking that. But nothing happened, other than the continued struggle for survival all around her. That actually disappointed her, even though she knew well that hoping for another direct answer to her mental queries was a foolish thing to do. Just because Edelfelt had shown up right after she wondered about the Tohsakas, that didn't mean-

Then there was a gigantic flash of white coming from the middle of the vortex. An expanding wave of sheer, warm whiteness washed all over the campus, briefly blinding attackers and invaders alike. Natsuki lost balance and fell on her butt on the tank she had been standing on, flinching in lower back pain.

"What happened now?!" Shizuru shouted.

"I don't know... They look confused too!" Natsuki said, squinting as her vision returned gradually. She could see the demons pausing and staring towards the source of the light, which had evaporated most of those close to the entrance. However, the eye of the storm was too far for her to be able to see what had brought this upon. "What in the world...?"

"We just got word from Ground Zero!" said Anzai Chiyomi's voice from inside the tank. "Negi-sensei has just crashed down!"

Natsuki's head wildly whipped down, even though the tank was closed and so she couldn't look at anyone inside. "WHAT?!"

 

Asakura, Chizuru, Konoemon, Shizuna, Fuuka, Fumika, Ako, Evangeline, Rito, Nao and Mikan were gathered around Negi, who had indeed just crash landed from the land mass far above, floating over the top of the vortex. Ako frantically scrambled to tend to his massive wounds, ignoring the smell of blood all over him, too worried about his continued existence to faint at the sight of his bleeding bruises.

Next to him, with her clothes also shredded to a similar degree of half nudity and badly beaten as well, there was a pale, white haired small girl whom Asakura recognized from the Kyoto trip. She breathed softly, swollen eyes mostly closed. “Mother of God…” Kazumi said softly. “Did you… Did you two do this to each other?!”

“No…” Negi coughed blood up, further startling Ako. For some reason his hair had grown a whole lot, now reaching down to his waist. “It was… Ialda Baoth… still up there… with the girls… and Kotaro…”

“Ialda Baoth!” Konoemon gasped under his breath.

“Who is that supposed to be?” Fuuka asked.

“The enemy we’ve been fighting this whole time, since we arrived to Mundus Magicus,” Rito said grimly. “He kidnapped Asuna-san and is currently using her to destroy that world. If he succeeds, apparently there’ll be a chain reaction that will blow Mahora up, too. Probably all of Japan, even…”

“No way!” Mikan cried. “Why would he do something like that?!”

Negi tried to struggle back up. “I’m not… strong enough,” he lamented. “I’m sorry, Master. I tried. I found your scroll, and attempted to complete your training, but—“

“Don’t strain yourself, Boya,” Eva said, sounding strangely understanding. Almost motherly, even. “Did you actually tried to master Magia Erebea? Just trying should have killed you…”

“Ayaka and the others… Natsumi-chan…” Chizuru said, turning her head back to look at the floating island, “Are trapped with that sort of monsters, all the way up there? We, we’ve got to help them, now!”

“I’m healing…” Negi wheezed, clenching a fist up, “but not fast enough. I only Konoka-san… were here…”

Then the ground shook again, and everyone looked upwards. From the hole in the sky, a gigantic armored serpent was descending, its head as large as a small house, its jaws snapping open with a deafening roar. Shrieks and exclamations of panic abounded in the crowds racing through Mahora at this apocalyptic omen that headed directly towards Negi and Sextum. Rito and Konoemon quickly placed themselves before the others, assuming fighting stances, just as Nao whispered a name and summoned Julia to her side, the large spider-like monster clenching its jaws, even though it was dwarfed by the thing approaching them.

And then.

Something, someone leaped from a side, in a single bounce as powerful as to clear past several buildings. A young man, with dark brown hair and a foerce glint in his dark eyes. There was something wrapped around his arm, Asakura noticed, something thick and gray and scaly, forming a gauntlet of sorts that was flung into the snout of the beast, slamming its titanic mouth close as a shout reverberated through the campus, heard by everyone.

“FUCK YOU!”

The giant snake recoiled. The giant snake trembled. This single punch, from a creature that was so tiny and unimpressive compared to it, had blown it back, stunning it greatly. A second blow followed, directly onto the top of its head, the boy briefly landing on it to sink his arm through the thick, hard skin. The snake’s red eyes flickered, leaking blood, and then its collossal body plummeted to earth, forcing many to run out of its way, before crashing and sending shockwaves everywhere, making humans and demons alike stumble down, and several windows and streetlights shatter.

The remaining Mahora students assimilated this as best as they could, blinking at the downed titan while the boy rose from its twitching remains, breathing heavily, and then breaking into a wide grin. He gave a thumbs up and shouted, “HEY, BANCHOU! I DID GREAT, DIDN’T I?!”

“Ban… chou…?” Asakura repeated, dumbfounded. “Is that…?”

And then they noticed a very pretty blonde, only a couple years older than 3-A’s average, had just arrived as well, wearing a long black dress and dropping to her knees by Negi’s side. She smiled sadly at him, caressing his hair. “Godspeed, Negi-sensei,” she said gently. “I’m so sorry we couldn’t come sooner. Do you… Do you remember me?”

He cracked a weak smile. “Yes. Argento-san…”

“Please call me Asia. Hold on!” she said, applying her hands to his chest and letting her power flow out.

Negi shook, even as his wounds began closing almost immediately. “Sextum-san!” he begged, in a loud gasp. “Ladies go first…!”

Asia Argento ignored him, pumping more healing energy into his body while marveling at how long it was taking. Other than Issei that one time, it’d never taken her this long. Truly, he was at death’s door. Only a few more moments, and—

Please, God, she begged in her mind. Please don’t take him away from us. His friends need him, and he has suffered so much…!

Then, she realized, the process was close to completion, and the boy was breathing steadily again. His eyes were focused again, less dull, annd some semblance of life color had returned to his cheeks. Pressing him against herself, she could feel his warmth.

Thank you, Father Almighty. I knew You wouldn’t let me down…

“Sextum-san…” Negi reminded her.

“Yes. Of course!” Asia said, moving back from him and kneeling behind Sextum, hugging her and starting to do the same for her.

Negi worked back to his feet, dusted himself off, placed his hands on his knees, and drew a very long and weary breath.

“I need to get up back there,” he said.

“What?!” the twins shouted as one.

“He’s right, we need to retrieve Ayaka, Natsumi, and everyone else,” Chizuru said tensely, even though she took them for dead already. “A flying machine. We need a flying machine, preferably an armored one…”

“What? No, no, no, no and no!” Shizuna said. “Whoever is up there almost killed you, Sensei! The government must have called for the Justice Society at this point, we’re going to wait for them so they handle this! Right, Sensei?” she added, looking at Konoemon.

“Hrrrrmmmm,” Konoe said, clearly troubled and folding his arms behind his back.

Shizuna frowned. “I really want to assume that has just been a yes…”

“This event will not stop until we have extrincated the Twilight Princess from the core of the generator placed at the middle of Old Ostia, and physical force won’t suffice for that task,” Sextum said, already healed and unbothered by how her bare breasts hung free, until Asia wrapped a coat around them. “She needs to break free from the inside, liberating herself, and for that, she needs a stimulus that makes her react. Emotional feedback from individuals close to her should suffice.”

“T-Twilight Princess!?” Fumika asked, very pale.

“Asuna-san,” Rito exhaled.

“O-Old Ostia!?” Fuuka asked, very sweaty.

“That chunk or rock floating over us,” Rito summed up, tiredly.

“Ooohhhh,” Mikan said, looking at the hellishly stormy skies again. “But, how to even get that high…?”

And then, they felt a large shadow loom over them from behind. This time, however, it was a familiar one, as they fully realized when they glanced back.

Yotsuba Satsuki peeked out the manned controls of the flying Chao Bao Zi. “We took the liberty of bringing the restaurant here,” she said softly, yet her voice still somehow carried clear through the screams and the explosions. “Chao-san has a plan.”

 

The Chao Bao Zi landed softly before the assembled group, and Satsuki stepped out, tightening her piloting gloves with quiet airs of humble dignity. "Sensei," she said. "It's so good to see you again."

He forced a smile. "Um, same thing, Yotsuba-san. It feels like it's been years..."

"Yotsuba-kun, time is of the essence," Konoemon said, approaching her. "How did Chao-kun know any of this would happen? What manner of plans did she leave behind?"

"Eh? Leaving behind?" Chao herself said, head poking out of the large restaurant car. "But I never left!"

Konoemon and Shizuna blinked many times, stunned.

"Eh he he he!" Chao laughed. "Sorry! I'm not allowed to time travel anymore, so I couldn't go back to my future-yo! All this time, I've been living in the basement dungeon of Eva-chan's cabin!"

Konoemon glared back at Evangeline, his eyes burning.

Evangeline snorted indolently. "Are you going to make something out of it? If it's any consolation, she wasn't a pleasant guest at all!"

Konoemon now glared at Negi. "And that whole light show at the end of the Festival... Was I, dare I ask, taken for a fool...?"

Negi blushed, looked aside, and rasped. "I'm sorry. That was never my intention... But, as you said, there's no time to waste! What is your brilliant plan, Chao-san?"

"We are going to gather a whole bunch of colorful local characters who can help wake Asuna-chan up, stuff them into my beautiful restaurant, fly them up past enemy lines, and retrieve Asuna-chan for good!" Chao smiled proudly, jarring her hands on her hips.

"A truly masterful scheme, I'm shocked by how full of twists it is," Chizuru deadpanned. "What could possibly go wrong with it?"

"Ah ha ha ha!" Chao laughed. "Yeah, I guess it may sound far-fetched at first! After all, we'll have to blow our way through all those winged and falling demons blotting the sky..."

"That crossed my mind, yes," Evangeline said, absently tossing a small bottle branded with a skull and crossbones. It exploded upon contact with a gray harpy zooming towards the group, shattering it to so many tiny bloody pieces. Negi winced. "And what is your backup contingency for THAT?"

Golden Darkness stepped out of the car as well. "For starters, I will escort you along your way," she said dryly. "I promise I will protect you to the best of my capacities."

"Oh, Yami-chan," Mikan said. "So that's where you'd gone between scenes..."

Yami nodded. "Yes. Sorry, Yuuki Mikan, but Profesor Lunatique gave me an urgence call."

Sure enough, Tearju Lunatique was walking out of the Chao Bao Zi next, sighing and adjusting her glasses. "Yes," she said. "I just called another individual, who will be providing support fire to cover our approach. We only need to wait a few minutes for him, since fortunately he was in this Solar System at the time."

Yami frowned. "You're not talking... about 'him', right?"

Her creator gave her a sober, dull glare. "I did what I had to do. My options at the time were very limited."

Yami facepalmed. "I'm going to hate every moment of this..."

Fuuka blinked. "I don't understand what you are talking about, but I'm sure I don't want to know." Then she grinned anyway, slamming a fist on her palm. "Alright, let's do this! For Asuna-chan, Princess of Whatever! So, who are we missing? Akira-chan, and who else...?"

"Who was close with Asuna, out of our classroom?" Fumika asked. "She was in an Art club, right? Who else was there?"

"I think that annoying girl, Nagatoro-senpai, was a model there?" Chizuru hummed, rubbing her chin. "While Tearju-sensei's contact arrives, we should gather whoever we can and-"

"You do that, please," Negi sighed. "I can't leave them alone any longer."

And then his hair seemed to catch on electricity, and he jumped up, up and away, flying directly back into the vortex, punching through all the demons getting in his way.

"I'll be waiting for you there!" he shouted, quickly becoming a tiny speck returning to the floating surface. "Please be very careful...!"

The jaws of the twins, Mikan, Ako and Asia dropped.

Kazumi raised an eyebrow. "What were you guys feeding him there!?" she asked Rito.

"That... That freaking moron!" Rito howled. "He's going to get himself killed, AGAIN!"

"Oh?" Nao asked. "So you're okay with him staying here while your precious Haruna-chan is in deadly peril?"

Suddenly, Rito's face lost all color and became a grotesque mask. "Haruna-chan! I'd forgotten...!"

"Don't worry too much about them. Jack Rakan is with them right now, after all," Sextum said blandly, before leaping up as well and flying after him.

"Rakan?" Eva blinked. "That's only cause for even more concern!" she shouted after the albino.

Rito had sat down on the dirt, rocking back and forth while grabbing his head. "My Haruna-chan! My poor widdle Haruna-chan! I've completely failed you as a boyfriend!"

"Rito, give me that giant key thing," Nao said in a jaded tone. "Whatever you were doing with it, I'm sure I can do it better..."