Lesson 40: Kyoto Memories
History Lesson
"Back when I was only barely more than a boy, and your father wasn't that much older than me, Negi," Eishun started, sitting on a chair as the others sat around him. Even Natsuki, Roberta, Skuld and Yuuna had approached. Haruna, Nodoka and the librarians were still busy going through pile after pile of books, and hadn't even heard Eishun's announcement. Satomi was similarly busy examining some machinery, with Chao and Sakurako sticking close. "Back then, we travelled around the Magical World with two other comrades, Filius Zect and Albireo Imma," he pointed at the cold looking boy and the ambiguously handsome man in the picture. "We had been warned about a secret organization that had plans to throw that world into chaos, and we set out to dismantle them. They contracted this man," he pointed at the biggest one of the bunch, "Jack Rakan, the deadliest and, to be honest, most insane mercenary in existence, to eliminate us before we could find them. However, after we reached a draw with him, he agreed to join our cause."
"Wait, all of you against him, alone?" Yuuna asked. "And you were legendary heroes, right? And yet he got a draw? What kind of beast—?"
"Well, back then, we weren't exactly legendary," the Elder allowed. "We only gained that reputation later, during the war itself. At that point, our enemies had sown enough discord through the governments of the world to cause a huge war where thousands died. Part of their plan had involved this ugly statue they'd stolen from the royal palace of Equestria as a spell focus, though we never found out what that was about. We decided to stop the war at all costs, but we had to learn our enemies' true identity, and their motives. We succeeded at the former, but to this day, I'm still not sure we fully managed the latter."
The other Chao, Eva and Ala Alba tried to look ignorant, though Chao was giving them sideways looks.
"My mother gathered a lot of data on that war," Natsuki intervened coolly. "Around that time, she was only a novice researcher who had just found out about magic, and she was so excited by it, she took her first chance to infiltrate that world and learn all she could on it. That was when you met her, right?"
He only nodded, even as Konoeko shifted in slight discomfort behind him. Chisame noticed, and frowned.
"Your mother was one of the bravest people I ever met. Without any powers, she challenged the odds every day for her quest," the Elder said sadly. "We often didn't see things the same way, but her arguments were always well-thought, and her ideas were brilliant, although maybe too much for that time."
"What happened to your mother's research, Kuga-san?" Negi asked her, hoping it could hold more clues about his father.
"It all was stolen when she was killed," Natsuki replied grimly. "There were many who would have gladly murdered for that knowledge, so my search has been long and complicated."
The extremely awkward silence that ensued was only broken by Eishun's gentle cough, as Calculator had the presence of mind to slap a hand over Kuro's mouth to cut-off her inevitable snide comment about angsty avengers. "Like I was saying, both major sides involved in the War hired the services of Western and Eastern mages. Chigusa's parents were a casualty of the Eastern side, and she grew to blame our Association for not backing their side more decisively. Although at that point, I hadn't joined the Association yet. I was still only an independent adventurer."
"How did it end?" an eager Keiichi asked.
"With the help of several allies, we managed to find the organization manipulating the world's governments, Kosmo Entelekheia," Eishun gravely explained. "One of its members was an Averruncus, a powerful warrior very similar to the two fire- and water-using enemies you met yesterday. He and his master, the enigmatic figure known as the Mage of the Beginning, defeated us all, with only Zect and Nagi left standing. They won the final battle for us, but at the tragic sacrifice of Zect's life."
"Okay," Sora gulped, "And then…?"
"For a short while, we thought the worst had passed," Eishun said. "We had a couple years of peace, during which we briefly went our separate ways. It was then when Nagi met you, Evangeline-sama. However, shortly after he bound you to Mahora…"
"It was then," Skuld interrupted him, "when the Second Impact almost happened. A goddess, a messenger from Heaven, fell to Earth, causing a ripple between this world and the magical one when agents of Mundus Magicus captured her in a vulnerable state. Ala Rubra reunited, and they barely managed to prevent a global disaster from taking place. But they lost one of their closest allies there, and they split permanently after that crisis was averted."
Eishun nodded again. "Indeed. After that, Nagi traveled alone, only settling briefly with your mother, before going by himself into a personal mission he never returned from. After a few years of absence, he was officially declared dead, but no corpse was ever found. I'm sorry, Negi. That is all I can tell you."
Negi nodded, gulping down the knot in his throat. "It's okay. I understand. You have told me a lot as it is…"
"What happened to that goddess who fell to Earth? Ala Rubra rescued her and she went back to you guys, right?" Keiichi asked Skuld.
He received a hostile glare from her before Skuld turned those sulky eyes to Eishun instead. "No. Ala Rubra never went to save her. She was taken to Mundus Magicus, where the governments nailed her to a cross to drain her power and life energy, day after day, night after night of agony, for years and years, to this very day, as an alternate power source for that dying world."
An even blunter silence than the one before fell all over the room.
And Skuld finished, lowering her head, "She was… is… my older sister."
The horribly tense silence that ensued (again, Calculator had slapped a hand over an annoyed Kuro's mouth, just in case) was only broken this time by Asuna's gushing voice. "Wow, what a real hunk! What's his name? He's almost as hot as Takahata-sensei!"
Everyone looked at her; while no one had been looking, she had slid in between Konoeko and Eishun, to the former's mild discomfort, and grabbed the Ala Rubra picture, mostly focusing on the older man with glasses. Eishun smiled somewhat sadly and said, "His name was Gateau. He died a few years ago."
Asuna lost her smile. "Oh. Oh, I see. My… my condolences. What a loss… Is this one near him you when you were younger, Elder-sama?"
"Honestly, Asuna-san!" Ayaka fumed. "Weren't you paying attention to anything in the honorable Elder's story?"
"Actually, I was using the bathroom. Man, the toilet paper here is so old it feels like sandpaper. That crumbles into dust when you wipe," Asuna replied, with her habitual tact and elegance. "Why, did I miss something important?"
Facepalms abounded, Twilight Red's most especially. Even the Nodokas had resorted to one.
Asuna, oblivious to it all, just kept staring at the picture, raising an eyebrow as if she was trying to figure something out, with the usual great effort mental tasks demanded from her. "Something wrong?" Twilight Red asked, mildly hopeful.
Asuna opened her mouth to talk, then seemed to reconsider it and closed it back, then, just as soon, opened it again. "And this kid is Takahata-sensei? Boy, he sure has improved…!"
Ala Alba facefaulted for a moment. "What happened?" Chisame asked Calculator.
"Nothing," Calculator grumbled, standing back up.
"If anything, I'd say he's gone downhill," Ayaka humphed. "He has really let himself go, after being such a cute child…"
"Hey, watch that big mouth, Iinchou!" Asuna warned.
Ayaka picked the photo up and sighed. "And Itoshiki-sensei made an even cuter boy! With those adorable puppy-dog eyes! Oh, if only I had been there, I'd have guided him into being an actual stable and happy man! It's clear he always lacked the understanding love of a warm big sister! After all, that's what Negi-sensei had to make him perfect."
Negi blushed and looked down. "Please, Iinchou-san, don't say things like that…" he said as Kuro struggled to keep from bursting out laughing.
"Well…" Misora started, "He has a nephew who's that age right now, and he looks just like that too…"
Ayaka perked up, Shota alarms ringing in her head, before giving Negi an uneasy sideways look and blushing. "He… He does? Oh, I'm sure that's, ah, very interesting, but, well, I already have, I mean, you know!"
"Yes, we know," the Chisames, the Asunas, Skuld, Haruka, Yuuna and Misa snarked all at once.
Kuro shook her head. "Really don't see what all the fuss is about…"
Then someone else was examining the picture closely, and asking gruffly, "Tell us more about your sister." Even though he wasn't looking at anyone in particular, somehow his tone conveyed perfectly he was talking to Skuld. "You arrived here to help her, not actually us, didn't you?"
Everyone gave a mildly to utterly impressive start.
"AH!" Matoi gasped, looking at the Batman suddenly amidst them. "You were here?-!"
"Yes," the Dark Knight said, somber. "Always."
Matoi blinked. "Huh. So that's what it feels like…"
"Crap, you will stop doing that!" Kuro cried out. "One of these days, you or that crazy Amazon ninja are going to give me a heart attack, coming out of nowhere like that! Or I stab you, whichever!"
Skuld gave a short sigh. "Actually, one thing involves the other. I'll be honest here. My sister is at Death's door. Seriously, Death-sama is the only one she has to talk to anymore, and while Death-sama is good compay, being in a constant near-Death experience isn't good for you. Cut off from Yggdrasil, our home and support system, her reserves won't last much longer, pumping life into Mundus Magicus as they are. And once that happens, Heaven will declare war on these worlds."
Yet another horrified silence blanketed the room, this one even longer and more disturbing. Again, Asuna's voice was the only thing to finally interrupt it.
"Which sister are you talking about?"
Tales from Mundus Magicus: Wound
The girls, the boy and the annoying tiny animals all cringed in terror mixed with disgust as the blade cut a red path through Alcyone's body, the dark sorceress backing away barely in time to avoid being completely gutted. Alcyone hopped back, eyes bugging out, taking the hand that had snapped Presea's right wrist to her bleeding new gap.
The weaponsmith charged at her, but without a word, and making a masterful twist of her body, her enemy turned in place, kicking at Presea's head just as the hand holding her wound glowed bright blue.
"She's curing herself! In a bad way!" Motsu shouted. "Someone finish her while she–!"
That was Hikaru's cue to jump out from behind the overturned table, thrusting a hand forward. "FIRE ARROW!" she screamed, and the fire spell flew from between her fingers, zooming straight for Alcyone, who couldn't dodge in time to save a large portion of her hair, but at least managed to save her skull.
"Hah! I knew I'd bring you out of your hiding, little rat!" the dark mage said, slapping Presea aside, although the fighter managed to remain on her feet, swinging her sword with her good hand. Alcyone raised both hands up, allowing everyone to see how her wound was quickly healing, which made Motsu emit a choked gasp and faint on Shichimi. "You should have escaped instead of trying to protect your doomed friend!"
"Sh-Shidou-san!" Tsubaki gasped, rushing to her side, either to protect her or be protected by her; he wasn't too sure himself. "You could have killed that woman!"
"Didn't Guru Clef make it clear enough?" Presea grunted, trying to determine what to do next while standing her ground. "This is a war! You can't hesitate during life and death combat!"
"Guru Clef didn't have the time to tell us everything," Hikaru said, breathing hard. She had noticed her spell had broken a window while flying past Alcyone, but fortunately its curtains didn't seem to have caught on fire. "But… Look out! Trampy lady…!"
Indeed; a sword of ice had formed itself in Alcyone's hand, and she dove forward, clashing blades with Presea frantically, forcing the blond woman back with her insane rhythm. She knew Hikaru couldn't use the Fire Arrow in such close quarters with Presea, and from the looks of it, the girl couldn't use any other spell. If the others could do anything, they'd have done it by then. She'd just finish Presea first, then sweep the children off easily.
Nanami scrambled up to Hikaru's side, trying to pull her away by an arm, with Yukino close in tow. "Shidou-san, this might be our only chance! Let's go!"
"No!" Hikaru said, looking around for a weapon and grabbing an average sword lying near her feet. Derflinger was about to tell her to pick the one a few steps away instead, but then she was saying, "Not only can't we leave Presea-san with her, but we aren't fast enough to flee from her! If we don't finish her here, it'll happen the same way that it did with Clef-sama!"
Her eyes gained a dangerous glint while she said that. It was something she had caught from her uncle. He was an awful person, but he at least had taught her there were some times where you had to stop being nice.
Motsu turned to Yukino. "Yo, Shield Girl! Toss that trademarked huge frisbee at the evil witch, will you!"
Yukino panicked, holding the shield closer to herself. "M-Me? But I can barely lift it! Even if I can toss it, I could hit Presea-sama instead!"
Then they heard a gruff, loud growl, and they were startled when Kirara grew back to her full size, roaring as she leapt on Alcyone. Presea jumped back allowing the furry beast to pounce on the trampy lady, who shrieked in shock for a moment.
"Let's go! Go, go, go!" Presea ran to the children, quickly herding them out for her garden.
"Counter-terrorists win!" Shichimi yelled.
"But Kirara-chan…!" Hikaru gasped.
"She'll be okay!" Presea argued. "The most important thing is your survival! She'll buy us some time! Quick!"
"No, not so quick! Not so quick!" Motsu tried frantically to keep up with them, hopping behind the quintet carrying Shichimi on his back.
"Wheeeeee, this is fun…!" Shichimi wagged her tail.
As they crossed through the garden, another window exploded from the inside in a major crash of long ice spears, and Kirara was sent flying out at their feet with several bleeding marks all over her fur.
"Kirara-chan!" Hikaru yelled while the furry animal shrank, wheezing heavily.
Alcyone was stepping out as well, wide bite marks over her arms, and crushing a helmet under her heel. "Hahhh… Hahhh… Miserable interlopers, I am going to—"
Nanami, sneering, yanked a tablecloth from a lawn table Presea had out, and tossed it in the wounded sorceress' direction, managing to cover her head for a moment. Taking advantage of her momentary confusion, Nanami took hold of Yukino's shield and rammed it forward, slamming it against the witch's stomach and sending her stumbling into Presea's garden pond. "Melt, you… you bitch!"
For a moment, they all looked down at the water as Alcyone sank quickly, a myriad of bubbles coming up until they stopped altogether.
"Wow…!" Tsuwabuki exhaled. "Nanami-sama, you are the greatest! Who else but you would have thought the Wizard of Oz would have—"
Then the pond's water exploded in all directions, and Alcyone flew up in a screaming paroxysm of unbound rage, clawing her hands in all directions.
"Now!" Hikaru pointed at her again. "FIRE ARROW!"
"You're so foolish!" Alcyone seethed. "You can't use the same spell twice on me! FROZEN SHIELD!-!"
Her personal barrier of ice stopped Hikaru's attack effectively, although it still made her reel back. Still somewhat spent, she had to drop it shortly afterwards, and then the round shield hit her in the head, making her drop to the floor.
"See?" Presea said, briefly looking at Yukino as the shield returned to her good hand. "That's how you throw it. It always will return to you, like a boomerang, but the key is timing it adequately…"
Yukino nodded, visibly impressed. "Thank you, Presea-sama…"
Alcyone huffed and puffed, pushing herself back up. "I'm not defeated yet, you insects! FROZEN SPEAR!"
The ice projectile appeared and flew for them faster they could react. Presea tried her best, quickly thrusting the shield to save the intended target, but she failed just short, as the spear managed to reach its objective, and for a moment, the place fell deadly silent save for a strangled gasp of pain.
Magical History Teacher Sku-chan
Skuld looked at Ala Alba before saying, "What you are about to hear most likely doesn't apply to your own universe."
"I would dearly hope it doesn't," Calculator managed to deadpan through the overall chilling silence the groups had fallen into. "We have enough problems as it is."
Skuld coughed and pulled out an extendable pointer, quickly doodling a complex set of equations and calculations on a blackboard Nagi had kept near a particularly tall pile of books. Assuming a practiced professor speech stance copied from Auntie Washu, she began, tapping on the blackboard. "This is a very elementary and vague basic approach to the Yggdrasil Principle established to sustain living matter. In other words, it's the ABC to the War and Peace that is the actual equation to create life."
"Interesting," Other-Chao said. "So, if you reverse that, would you have the very basic blueprints for the Anti-Life Equation, as well?"
Skuld nodded. "Darkseid actually got the baseline counter principle to this long ago, during one of his frantic quests for the full Equation. It's just he hasn't ever been able to figure out to take it from there. Without direct access to Yggdrasil's own base codes, no one can develop anything like this into a functional creation or destruction process."
"It gives me a headache just by looking at it," Makie complained.
"Only one mortal was ever able to steal that kind of information from Yggdrasil, and even duplicate our results to a smaller scale, based on the stolen data," Skuld went on. "He was a royal prince, a runaway from the Juraian Galactic Empire. Jurai is one of the first planets in this universe to manifest humanoid intelligent life. Originally populated by a pirate culture, the first Emperor to unify the planet under his rule forced their culture to adapt to a more lawful system, but did so through fear and intimidation. His first son, disapproving of his father's ways, departed for Earth, where he mingled with the primitive humans for decades and decades. Juraians are blessed with unusually long life spans by human standards," she said, briefly giving Konoeko a look few of the others even noticed, still too shocked out their wits.
"W-What does this have to do with the end of the world?" Yuuna managed to ask.
"Patience, patience!" Skuld tapped harder on the blackboard. "That Prince soon turned to magic as a means to create a society he could deem as perfected beyond the Juraians, or the barbarians he was living with. However, he quickly learned magic alone wouldn't achieve his goals. So, with the help of a group of adventurers who were convinced they were doing the right thing, much like Ala Rubra in a way, they figured out how to open a gate to Yggdrasil. Normally, the touch of Yggdrasil itself could outright kill any mortal body; only souls can be there. But the Prince was extremely intelligent, and he found a way for him and his comrades to storm into our sanctuaries and steal the Yggdrasil code from us. That," she said, "is the actual origin of the myth of Prometheus. He literally stole creative fire from Heaven."
"Let me guess," Calculator droned. "That Prince then created a world of his own…"
"And made beings in his own image…" Kuro added, smirking wryly. Her voice dropped to a creepy hiss. "Seven days…!"
Calculator sighed and belatedly clapped a hand over Kuro's mouth before she said anything else.
Skuld frowned. "With a previous spoiler, anyone could see that coming! Anyway, yes, he did, as prototype before attempting to create a whole universe, maybe. Our opinions on it are divided; some say he was simply perfectly contented with creating a planet-sized realm. Whatever the case was, he succeeded at creating a world patterned after Earth during the so-called Classical Age, before supernatural creatures began going extinct at a fast rate, pushed by man's expansion across the planet. All those creatures would find sanctuary in Mundus Magicus, and called their savior the Lifemaker, or Mage of the Beginning."
"Not to be blasphemous, but if he could create a safe happy world for so many, why didn't you guys make us one of those instead of leaving us in a world filled with—" Keiichi began before Haruka slapped his head from behind.
"Listening now! Metaphonical questioning later!"
"Metaphysical!" Skuld corrected, then said, waggling a finger, "However, while the Lifemaker was an extremely intelligent man— he couldn't have ever actually made his copy of the Code work otherwise— his Code was imperfect compared to the original. It had several flaws and bugs that meant the world would eventually collapse upon itself in a few centuries. At that point, the Lifemaker had started become unhinged himself, too. Cut off from the revitalizing waters and trees of Jurai, his long living body was decaying, so he turned to the taboo art of using others' bodies to preserve his own existence. His original physical form ruined, his mind and spirit became a magically bound and empowered parasite jumping from one host body to another, consuming them and writing his self over theirs by force."
Eishun nodded gravelly. "That part, I was aware of it. We fought at least three different physical incarnations of the Lifemaker."
"And now," Negi said, truly somber for once, "That time has arrived, and that world is… about to perish. Isn't it?"
Skuld nodded sadly. "And my sister with it."
"But why are you guys going to wage war on us right after that?" Haruna asked this time. "What do we have to do with it?"
Kuro nodded, looking disapproving. "We'd never put up with such uppity behavior from gods in our world."
Skuld glared at her and gave the librarians (and attendant Setsunas–Setsunae?) a critical but indulgent look. "Oh, so you could finally pry yourselves from your dead trees long enough to hear about your destiny. Well, basically, avoiding the Omega Initiative, Yggdrasil's codename for Apocalypse, was the reason why my sister came to Earth in the first place. She always has loved you," again, briefly, she looked into Keiichi's direction, noticed his lack of any particular distraught impression other than that you normally had when told by a goddess the world might about to end, and she frowned. "And she arrived to issue a warning. Stop harming each other and your planets, learn to live in peace and harmony, or we'll have to spank you hard."
"And, of course, we should put a stop to immorality in the world, shouldn't we?" Haruka asked.
Skuld shrugged. "I find mankind as a whole deviant and perverted, but to be honest, that was never too much of an issue. As long as you don't harm others with your perversions, that's your life. I must admit many in my family wouldn't have any room to complain on it, like my other sister, Urd. She's a real dirty slut. And don't get me started on Uncle Zeus, and Cousin Aphrodite, and Cousin Ashtara, and—"
"Okay, we got it!" a defeated Haruka gestured for her to stop, while the Harunas high fived each other.
"What about Sodom and Gomorrah?" asked Kerberos.
"They indulged in the worst vice none of us would forgive," a somber Skuld said.
"You mean—?"
"Yes, [[INSERT LOUD HONKS, BULLET HAILS, EXPLOSIONS AND DONKEY BRAYS HERE]]," Skuld confirmed. By the time she was over, everyone including the Harunas was pale and sweaty in abject horror. Everyone but the Negis, since Chisame and Kagurazaka had covered their ears from behind.
Negi looked at Erebus. "Does this happen to you often?"
"Generally at least once when I'm in the same room as more than four girls."
They shared a sympathetic nod.
"Question!" Makie raised a hand. "If that big bad thing that happened fifteen years ago was the Second Impact, what was the first one?"
"Oh, that," Skuld said. "It was the incident that caused the extinction of dinosaurs."
"What, the dinosaurs also deserved to die for their sins?" Calculator snarked.
"One word: Barney," Kuro intervened.
"Cute, cute!" Skuld crossed her arms and shook her head. "In truth, they only were unintended collateral damage. It was an apocalypse aimed at other races in this galaxy, but a shattered fragment of a destroyed planet hurled against Earth and accidentally destroyed most of your species at the time. In our defense, Orochi, the God of Destruction, was severely punished over the incident."
Negi's eyes had grown huge and wet. "Poor, poor dinosaurs! H-H-How could you, Skuld-san…!"
"N-Negi-sensei?" Ayaka asked. "What…?"
Chamo chuckled between cigarette puffs. "The Bro is a major fan of dinosaurs. You know kids, Iinchou-nee…!"
Ayaka frowned, both at still being unaccustomed to the idea, much less the sight, of talking ermines, and still distrustful of what she felt could be a bad influence on her teacher. "I— I see…"
Chisame pinched one of Negi's ears. "Cut the waterworks, Negi-sensei! Look, Erebus-sensei isn't taking it that dumbly, and he's only one year…" she noticed Erebus had a hand covering his face, droplets leaking from between his fingers. "… Never mind," she said, with a sweat drop hanging from her head.
"Hey, if dinosaurs hadn't gone extinct, you mammals would have never inherited the Earth! Be thankful even for our mistakes! Where do you think you would be now if reptiles still controlled this planet?" asked Skuld.
Negi and Erebus shared a thought bubble showing dinosaur versions of them both, then wept even harder at the missed chance for extra awesomeness.
"I still don't understand the hows or whys of this very well …" Twilight Red confessed, sheepishly scratching the back of her neck, "But we'll help you in anything you need us for! Right, guys?" she looked at her teammates.
Magus Erebus nodded immediately. "Of course I will!"
"You mispronounced 'we'," Kagurazaka told him. "Again."
"The sanctity of life on a global scale must be protected at all costs," Sakurazaki nodded gravely.
"I never liked when people start tossing heavy holier-than-thou judgments on others…" Kuro scowled. "Even if those people claim to be gods… ESPECIALLY if. They're usually just being delusional sociopaths."
"Raging against the Heavens? That's a new one…" Calculator sighed. "Well, after risking our lives, I guess our souls were the next logical step, right…?"
"We started risking our souls as soon as we started hanging with Paru and Kuro," Kagurazaka told her.
"Good point," Hasegawa allowed.
"Oh yeah, I love it when the shota brigade starts boasting about how much more moral than me they are…" Kuro rolled her eyes. "At least my sister's the same age I am!"
Skuld coughed loudly to make herself heard. "Actually," she said, "It'd be in the best interests of this world and yours if you guys just left as soon as possible. We're very thankful for your help, yes, but… how can I explain this in very easy terms? Let's just say you are akin to adult organs being transplanted into a foreign body, just those organs already exist in that organism, and it's a child's body. That causes a reaction where this reality, for lack of a better term, 'rejects' you, much like antibodies tend to fight off any insertion of organic matter formerly belonging to another biological system."
"Ah?" Makie babbled. "You're sounding like an old ER episode now."
Skuld facepalmed. "Father, give me patience. Look, all I'm saying is, reality itself, in this dimension, is a product of Yggdrasil, our heavenly mainframe extending over the whole universe. You could think of it as an extremely highly advanced artificial program created by us." She looked over to both Chisames, who nodded in interested understanding. "That's how that Servant, the Temptress, was able to displace the kaiju Chigusa summoned, by cancelling the subprogram bringing them to this planet. Like I said before, just like Mundus Magicus, this whole universe runs on a code that can be hacked or altered by a powerful enough reality warper, or simply someone with the right tools for the job."
"Like a Great Grandmaster Key?" Kagurazaka asked. "I think I'm still carrying mine. Hang on, let me check…"
"Sort of, but on a different scale," Skuld said, nodding as she pulled a shiny red apple and placed it before the redhead.
Accepting it with a blink, that Asuna turned to her Negi and asked, "Why don't you give us rewards like this when we get an answer right?"
"What's a Great Grandmaster Key?" asked Satomi, full of vibrant curiosity.
Skuld went on, "That isn't important right now. Regardless, your presence here right now is like that of a bug filtered into the program. The fabric of reality doesn't recognize you as anything but errors in the system, so to counter the imbalance you bring to the chain of events surrounding your counterparts, the system likely 'tries' to make up for the power shift you bring by, in turn, altering probabilities to balance the course of events supposed to take place. That's why the situation at the lake was that much more dangerous this time around. If you stay here, not only is there no way that could happen in your world, but here, reality will keep upping and upping the scales. So, when you finally depart, you will have broken the power balance so much, you'll have left the locals with an out of control escalation they'll be unable to cope with."
"I didn't understand the techno babble, but the core idea is basically, if these guys stay, the world will keep throwing bigger and badder crap at us, right?" Natsuki said.
"Essentially," Skuld nodded twice.
"The world is mean!" Haruna complained. "You could have created a somewhat fairer universe for us, you know!"
"Yeah, well, tell me something I don't hear in prayers at least three thousand times a day."
Misora grimaced. "Wait a second there. You get our prayers, too?"
"I'm a part time operator too, so yeah, some of them get through me before reaching Father. I'm afraid your breasts will never grow too much, but the person you'll end up with will love them as they are, so don't worry about it."
Misora, with suddenly huge and tearful eyes, nodded a single time. "Thank you, Your Holiness!"
There was a beat.
"So, uh, who's that person? Is he in this room?"
"I've never said it will be a 'he'."
"EHHHHHHH?-!"
"Then again, I've never said it will be a 'she' either."
"Now you're just trolling me!-!-!" Misora wailed, while a little voice in the back of her head gently reminded her of a little story Deathnote had told her the first night the librarians had slept in her room…
"Not the first time, even. Remember all those times you lost a sock for no apparent reason? The times it rained when you were about to do track and field despite the sky being clear moments before? The times when Sister Shakti just felt the need to check on you right when you were about to slack off in your duties?"
"That was all your fault!-?"
"We need to test you through trials and tribulations from time to time, you know. It helps you build character."
"Build character for what?-!"
"For more trials and tribulations, of course."
Haruka had to restrain Misora from behind. "No, don't be blastemphemous! What if she's really a goddess?-!"
"Then I'll just send her back home! Lemme go already…!"
Ayaka sighed and patted Skuld's shoulder. "Congratulations. You have snapped her out of her fear of the unknown…"
"See, what did I tell you? Becoming a better person through trials and tribulations!"
"Well, if that's the case, can you help send them back home?" Chisame asked. "And after that, are we supposed to just make our last wills and testaments, or what?"
"I'll certainly try to help them establish a jump point back to their universe," Skuld replied, then gave Other Chao a condescending look, "Although I'm sure I'm even that needed here, since my colleague's talents here should be enough for that task…"
"Aw, you'll make me blush…!" Other Chao laughed, scratching the back of her head.
"You already have eternal blush stickers," Kuro mumbled.
"Your colleague? What, is she a goddess too?" Makie asked.
"Oh, no, I'm only the goddess of nikkuman," Other Chao said.
"And goddess of the Mahora Science Clubs," Chao added.
"Secondary goddess of the Mahora Chinese Martial Arts Club after Ku-chan…" Other Chao went on.
"Co-Goddess of Japanese school robotics with Satomi-chan…" This comment was followed by a brief blush of Satomi in the sidelines.
"And goddess matron of all awesome, cute and scientific things that challenge your intellect while flattering your eyesight!"
"Other than that, no, we aren't goddesses at all!" both Chaos said, grinning at once in a perfectly coordinated way.
Everyone else in the room felt slightly uncomfortable for a moment. After all, it was pure dual-Springfield charm at work. Had the Negis joined then, this story would have turned X rated automatically.
Skuld took in a long breath before saying, "I meant my SCIENTIFIC colleague! Anyway, it's my sister's life at stake here, too, and I've had all the time in the world to prepare myself," she boasted, with a somewhat smug self-confidence that couldn't help but annoy the Chisames, the Asunas, Misa, Misora and Hakase. "Rest assured I have a plan, and by saving my sister, I can save the rest of your realm as well!"
"Great," Yuuna then urged, "So let's hear that wonderful plan!"
"Do you have the next three days free?"
"Is it that complex a plan?"
"It's a plan to rescue a nearly omnipotent but restrained being made of pure heavenly energy from a parallel world guarded by creatures and armies that would make last night's challenges look like an appetizer. A single wrong step would kill my sister and send a divine pulse shockwave that would devastate both worlds. Then we have to deliver my sister back home and enact a complex protocol to guarantee the cancellation of the Omega Initiative after what most of the Heavenly Council considers a Level A Plus Three offense, kidnapping and attempted deicide of one of the Almighty's daughters. Just by explaining this, I already made Makie-san fall asleep. Do you really think you're ready to take on the full details?"
Yuuna shook her head while supporting a napping Makie's weight. "Now that you put it that way…"
"Hey, not all of us are pinky here!" Kuro said, offended. "I'm a Nasurian! We deal with more insane magical concepts in basic training than most wizards do by the time they reach fifty!"
"Just because you can stick your brain in a blender doesn't mean the rest of us want to," Twilight Red said.
"Softy."
"Good to see we're finally understanding each other. Now, I'm going to need your help at the key stage of my plan, but first, you should all try reaching the power and skill levels of Ala Alba here. Once that's achieved, you'll be in condition to actually be helpful, rather than loads. Don't fret yet, we still have several months ahead of us, and if they could do it, so can you," Skuld reassured the locals.
"I feel so relieved," Chisame grunted. "Now, exactly what was the deal with that Temptress twerp? You mentioned she was a Servant, but a servant of who or what?"
Tales from Mundus Magicus: Blood.
Shidou Hikaru knew how it felt, seeing something fall in what looked like slow motion just out of her reach as she was powerless to stop it in time. It happened all the time back when she was a clumsy child, and she'd break a vase or something else valuable at her home. Time seemed to slow down just enough to let her experience the mild terror, to try and fail, to see the object crashing down against the floor, even up to the shards flying in all directions, after which time would retake its normal pace just in time for her brothers to scold her.
Granted, her brothers all loved her, in a perfect healthy and sincere, totally non-decadent, no-sirree way, and their scoldings never went past gentle recriminations, but still, they meant the world to a young and sensible Hikaru.
Now, it all was much worse. Because she was watching, in that same apparent slow motion, how Kiryuu Nanami's body, just pierced by an ice spear through the upper body, in between her right breast and shoulder, plummeted down accompanied by a strangled gasp. She was able to see perfectly well how her recent companion hit the garden's ground, the sword Derflinger slipping from her fingers. But despite everything, Hikaru, or anyone else for that matter, couldn't stop her fall in time.
"NANAMI-SAMA!"A horrified Tsuwabuki ran to his crush's side, grasping one of her hands tightly. Yukino came to Nanami's other side, checking her pulse with all the experience of an assistant to Suzushiro Haruka. Due to her stubbornness and zeal, Haruka-chan got into a lot of fights in the line of duty. And due to Haruka-chan's strength, Yukino often had to tend to battered victims of the Justice and Order Steamroller.
After a few gasps of pain, Kiryuu clenched her teeth, squeezed Yukino's hand, and hissed, "Kikukawa-san… P-Please look after Shidou-san…"
Tsuwabuki sobbed, waited for the inevitable "… and Tsuwabuki-kun…", failed to hear it, looked down, and saw Nanami still alive but refusing to say anything else, just keeping Yukino's hand firmly clutched, biting her lower lip. That only added to his heartache.
"Ah ha ha ha ha!" Alcyone laughed, standing over them, confident and haughty. "You are too weak, little girls! This is like eradicating helpless vermin!"
"Silence, you monster!-!" Presea roared, charging her alongside Hikaru, both of them swinging blades at once, but failing to meet their target as Alcyone blew them back across the garden with a hand thrust and a yell of "Frost Hurricane!" The resulting burst of icy air toppled them in opposite directions.
Presea, however, quickly pushed herself back to her feet, supported on her sword. "You… You keep digging your own grave deeper and deeper, lackey…" she grunted.
From where it had been dropped, Derflinger called out, "Hey, someone pick me up already! In the hands of an able user, I'd finish that witch in no time! Seriously! Yo, someone pay attention to the legendary weapon of the bunch…! Damn it, Talatsu never has to put up with this sort of disrespect…"
Motsu walked up to it. "Don't worry, Excalibur! I'll pluck you up to lead the forces of good to victory! In a really good way! A-hup we go…!" He grabbed the hilt and pulled it up, only to fall on his butt and then his back without moving the weapon even an inch, exhausted to his limits after that single try. "Ah, and so, my legend comes to a finish! After this epic struggle, I think I will go sleep in Avalon! But I shall return when the land needs me again! In a good way…!"
"If I could move by myself, I'd chop you up to pieces, seriously, man," Derflinger told him.
Meanwhile, Shichimi made her slow way next to Nanami's gulping head. "Ah. Does it hurt a lot, mya…?"
Nanami clenched her teeth and snarled something that badly tried to be a "What the hell do you think?-!"
"I see," the tiny furry thing nodded, slow and sedate. "Would you, then, like to feel better? I think I can do that…"
"You can?-!" a hopeful Tsubaki cried.
"Well. I can try, at least-nya," Shichimi said, slowly lowering her head. "You will forgive me if I do this, won't you?" she said, a single moment before her diminutive mouth descended on Nanami's, her tongue delicately lapping the cold lips of the teenager.
Yukino's and Tsuwabuki's eyes bulged out as much as those of Nanami herself.
Motsu stared on with a mixture of annoyance and interest for a few moments before snapping his fingers. "Ah! Revived by a cat kiss in a good way! I think I once watched this in a Michelle Pfeiffer movie! Or was she Hale Berry?"
"Seriously, dude, I'm gonna cut you!" Derflinger said.
Teach Us, Kuro-sensei! The Einzbern Consultation Exposition Room!
As one, all of Ala Alba turned to look at Kuro. "You're up, exposition girl," Deathnote said cheerfully.
Kuro snorted. "About time somebody asked. I wasn't going to say anything unless you did."
"Say anything about what?" Misora asked.
Kuro snapped her fingers. "Deathnote! Assist!"
Deathnote reached into her cleavage and pulled out her Pactio Card, casually summoning up her Artifact. "Exposition Illustration mode is ready," she chirped.
Kuro coughed as she began to pace back and forth. "Someone please find Makie a pillow while the rest listen. This is going to be a bit hard to follow, but please bear with it. To put it simply, Servants are the spirits of heroes called to material form. They're technically a very advanced, very powerful sort of familiar."
Makie was already swaying, her eyebrows drooping, but they opened again and she "ooooed" as a diagram appeared behind Kuro. The words "Servants=Familiar" were emblazoned on the drawing, along with generic sketches of heroically posed warrior figures.
Chisame raised an eyebrow. "That's it? Doesn't sound that complicated to me."
"We're getting there," Kuro said cheerfully as Keiichi fluffed up a pillow and placed it beside Makie. The dark-skinned girl resumed pacing, taking on a more scholarly tone and manner. "The context, however, is a lot more complicated than such a simple equivalency. To understand what a Servant is, you need to know what they're used for." Kuro briefly eyed Eishun, but the elder stood resolutely silent. "Servants are an integral element of an ancient ritual known as 'Heaven's Feel'. It is an attempt to recover what is known among a subset of magic-users, known in our universe as 'Nasurians', or Magi, as the Third True Magic, or Third Sorcery."
Negi frowned as the key words on the board changed. "What's so important about this 'Third True Magic'?"
Kuro smiled slightly, and this time there was a mocking edge to it. "The Third True Magic, also called Heaven's Feel, is the magic that allows for the materialization of the soul. The soul contains all the memories, mind and magic of any entity, anchored to the world by the body. If the body is destroyed, the soul passes on, and magical attempts to put the soul in a new body will result in either an inferior integration or the soul itself rotting and dispersing. However, with the Third True Magic one can both keep the soul from passing on and stop it from dispersing or decaying, metamorphosing it into a higher form of existence. The soul becomes capable of interacting with the world and of taking on new anchors." She smiled brightly as Makie's snores filled the sudden silence. "New bodies. It can be a suitably prepared puppet or anything with a brain. Once occupying it, the soul will reshape the body according to the form in its memories. Heaven's Feel is nothing less than True Resurrection, true immortality not just for the body, but also for the soul."
There was stunned silence as everyone but Skuld stared at her with expressions ranging from disbelief to unholy lust. Even Ala Alba, who'd heard of what all that business in Fuyuki had been about, stared in stunned horror.
"I-is this true?" Sora asked Skuld.
The goddess's face was woodenly impassive for a long moment. "Yes," she said eventually, her great reluctance obvious. "These things happen sometimes. You humans are too nosy for your own good, you know that?!"
"Cristo," Roberta swore.
"Yes," was all Skuld said on the subject.
"That sort of power…" Batman said, the gravel of his voice deeper than usual. "Anyone who had it… the potential for abuse…" It was a mark of how horrified he was that he couldn't think of any single example to verbalize just how terrifying the notion was.
Kuro gave them an annoyed look. "Oh, calm down people. Stop crapping yourselves. The magic is lost. No one living today knows how to work it, and I'm pretty sure any who used to know can't pull it off anymore. Remember, the point of the ritual was to recover it, remember? I mentioned that, right? So get those thoughts of bringing back dead relatives and immortality out of your heads."
Everyone looked at Haruna, who tried to look innocent despite the unholy lust still lingering on her face. Thus, few saw Natsuki, Negi, Batman and Ayaka flinch. Roberta's expression could have been used as an anvil.
Ayaka gave a start however as she felt someone take both of her hands and squeeze gently, reassuringly. She glanced sideways. Asuna's face was studiedly blank, looking away from her, her cheek leaning on the knuckles of her other hand. She completely ignored Ayaka's existence. Her hand was warm however, and wouldn't let go.
On Ayaka's other side, Twilight Red just made a small smile and gave her hand another squeeze.
"However, you all understand why someone would put a lot of effort into recovering such magic," Kuro continued as she resumed pacing in front of Deathnote's diagram and its helpful chibi-style progression chart of how the process worked. "A thousand years ago, the Einzbern Clan of Magi, the only ones known to have ever achieved the use of the Third Magic, lost the secret to its full utilization. They spent the next eight hundred years trying to rediscover the mechanics of it without success, until they were finally forced to ask for help from other Magi. Thus was laid the groundwork for the Heaven's Feel ritual, more commonly known to the world… as the Holy Grail War."
"I have a question," the Batman asked. "Revival by the Lazarus Pits… Does it have those potentially soul destroying effects on its users too?"
Before Kuro could open her mouth to answer, Skuld beat her to the punch, which annoyed her. "Worried about the spiritual wellbeing of your worst enemy? That's so noble. Actually, due to the supernatural properties of those alchemicals, which suffice to say have origins tied to those of the primal elemental soup that sparkled the first signs of biological life, their procedure of pulling the soul back into the revived body is remarkably safe for the soul itself, but not at all for its integrity and purity. They have a very high rate of spiritual contamination, which is the reason why the Pits induce insanity into their users."
Eva yawned. "What about the Dragon Balls?"
Kuro gave her a puzzled look. "Pardon?"
"You know, there's this legend about seven mystical spheres spread across the world, and if you can gather all seven and ask for a wish, a dragon will appear and grant you that wish no matter what, even if it involves reviving the dead," Evangeline stretched.
Somewhere in his subdimension of pure darkness, Nekron twitched in annoyance.
"That's the most stupid thing I've ever—" Kuro began before Skuld spoke again.
"The Dragon Balls, or rather, the dragon they summon, have actual reality warping effects," the young goddess explained. "In that sense, they are more powerful than Heaven's Feel, but since the dragon hasn't been seen in thousands of years, even most Magi have come to believe it's nothing but a myth."
"But it exists," Negi persisted.
It was Skuld's turn to shrug. "Yeah, but looking for them will probably be more dangerous and time consuming than looking for your father directly, so I'd advise you not even bothering to go there."
"Oh," Negi drooped.
Chisame frowned. "You know, I can't believe no one has bothered to ask you this, but… since you watch everything from above, you do know where Negi's father is, don't you?"
Negi's head sprang back up in intense wide-eyed interest, his eyes nailing themselves on Skuld. "Is that true?-!"
Skuld waved her hands before them. "EEEEHHHHH! I'm not one of those omniscient voyeurs! I spent most of my time monitoring readings and filling out paperwork, and I don't have the time to check on every mortal's lives and whereabouts! Sorry! Maybe I could access that information if I still had access to Yggrdasil's databanks, although I'd need authorization to share that information with mortals without being put on trial for betrayal. But as it is, I'm cut off from Yggdrasil now…"
"What?" Keiichi asked. "Do you mean you've been booted out of your home?"
"In a way, yeah. But that's all part of my plan. Don't worry," she smirked. "I already have a place to live at this world set for myself…"
"Ah. That's good to know…" Keiichi replied, although something about the way she had said it told him he should be worried about it.
"Ahem!" Kuro interrupted. She grimaced. "Where were we again?"
"Holy Grail War," Other Chao said helpfully.
"Ah. Thank you." Kuro coughed. "Anyway, the Einzbern finally swallowed their pride and asked for help. At the time, the Magi's Clocktower Association was having… aggressive disagreements with the Church, so they picked a place in the Far East where the Church had little presence. With the help of two Magi clans in the area, the Tohsaka and the Makiri, they set out to recover the Third Magic." She rolled her eyes and her toned went dry. "Being Magi, they went about it in the most complicated way possible."
Skuld chuckled slightly at the understatement.
"How's that?" Haruna asked, being drawn into the story.
"They decided that the best way to recover the magic was to basically knock down a hole in reality to get at Akasha and get the information back that way," Kuro said, her tone making it obvious she thought they were morons as Yue gasped. Apparently, her audience didn't share her opinion, staring at her blankly. She huffed. "Akasha? The Akashic Record? The Root?" More blank looks, though the Nodokas gasp and the Negis looks of dawning comprehension told her some were getting it. She sighed. "Um, okay. If, going by goddess girl's story about how the universe is just one big Matrix simulation run by the gods, then Akasha would be the indelible backup of EVERYTHING, past, present and future. All knowledge in the universe that was, is or ever will be resides there, and it is both the ultimate source and ultimate destination of… well, everything. Ah, I see that got through," Kuro said in satisfaction as 'Ooh!' expressions spread across her audience. Batman's face was inscrutable, but it was obvious he'd gotten it the first time.
Makie muttered in her sleep about why was Homura-mama wrestling with Madoka-mama so late at night and shifted slightly, a snot bubble beginning to develop on her nose.
"Isn't that a bit… overkill?" Misora ventured hesitantly.
"You don't understand the Magus mindset, Mysterious Sister," Kuro said sagely. "In most Magi circles, you don't get respect if your methodology isn't as complicated, convoluted and elegant as possible. Besides, the Einzbern had gone a little crazy with obsession and desperation at that point. They had been at it for eight hundred years. Anyway, with the other two families, they set about setting up the ritual. Using incomplete knowledge they had left of the Third Magic, they constructed the Great Grail, inside a mountain in the area which would someday be the city of Fuyuki, with its magic circle inscribed into the land itself. Once the construction was complete, they invited other magi to act as witnesses to what they were going to do."
"Which was?" Batman grated. He was not enjoying the long explanations.
"To put it simply, the three families had constructed a wish machine," Kuro said bluntly. "Using what little was still known about Heaven's Feel, their wish machine would summon seven Servants, Heroic Spirits summoned from the part of Akasha known as the Throne of Heroes. This summoning, however, was every limited. After all, even just bringing someone back to life requires the Miracle of the Third Magic. Thus, the summoning a Heroic Spirit in its complete form would be impossible for the Grail, much less seven of them. To facilitate the process, only parts of the Epic Spirits are summoned, and materialized within spiritual vessels optimized for them, known as the seven Classes, which reflect abilities they had in life."
"And here," Kuro said as the words 'Seven Servants' appeared behind her on the illustration, as well as seven shadowed figures, "we come to the meat of the discussion. Servants are essentially nerfed down versions of Heroic Spirits, their personality complete but their abilities limited by the Class they were forced into during summoning."
"Heroic Spirits?" Setsuna queried.
Kuro took a deep breath. "Heroic Spirits are…" she paused, pondering. "When I say 'heroes', I don't mean just anyone who decides to pull on some tights and go out to beat up petty criminals." She didn't even so much as direct a snide look Batman's way as she continued. "When I say 'Hero', I mean it in the classical, mythical sense: powerful beings who in life changed the very world for those lucky or unfortunate enough to encounter them, either raising up empires or grinding it to dust beneath their feet. Actually, 'Epic Spirits' might be a more accurate translation, or perhaps 'Legendary Souls'. Epic Spirits are beings who have accomplished great achievements, or even outright impossible deeds, and because of this become objects of worship and lore after their deaths, or even before it. As a result, they are placed outside the normal post-life progression of the soul and ascend to an existence similar, or even beyond gods in order to become a power that protects existence. Many become ideals, ultimate examples of what they are, whether that be king, warrior, explorer, conqueror or what have you."
"That Temptress didn't look very mythepicandary," Haruka said doubtfully.
"Mythical, epic or legendary: pick one, don't use them all at the same time," Misa said.
"You'd be surprised," Kuro said.
"Beyond gods?" Skuld said tartly.
Kuro gave her a level look. "Oh? Do you think you can survive a fight with, say, the Epic Spirit of Gilgamesh of Uruk?"
Skuld paled. "D-don't be absurd! I'm an administrator and inventor, not some kind of soldier!"
"G-gilgamesh?" Nodoka ventured. "From 'The Epic of Gilgamesh'? Is that who you mean?"
Kuro nodded. "He's an ideal example. He's not only the first hero ever, he's the first superhero of recorded human history. Many tropes that are part of heroic traditions can be traced back to him. He was 2/3rds god in a period where most were lucky to be half. He was insanely rich. He had super strength. He built the walls around a city with his bare hands by using said strength to pull it out of the very rocks of the ground. He had a loyal kid sidekick. He went beyond the impossible and kicked reason to the historical curb, as is the heroic way. And he set the bar for all heroes who would come after. He's remembered for essentially taking on his entire pantheon of gods, telling the goddess of love she wasn't good enough for him, kicking the ass of the monster she sent after him as revenge, then going on to make them cry, essentially out of boredom. When his best friend died, became a broody loner. And yet in the end, he fell when he faced the greatest challenge, and had to surrender to Death herself." Kuro shrugged. "All these elements have survived the millennia. Don Diego, the masked hero Zorro, was a rich man. Sigurd bathed in the blood of a dragon to become different. Superman has the strength. On and on." She smirked at everyone in the room. "It's in all of us too. Abnormal births or biologies." The Setsunas winced. The Chachamarus remained impassive. "Royalty." Konoeko's face was coolly blank, and Erebus and Twilight Red both resisted the urge to whistle innocently. "Brooding loners." Natsuki glared at her in defiance. "Born into wealth and political power." Everyone turned to stare at Ayaka, Konoka and Haruka. "Now, if we can just do impossible things and make it look easy like, say, going back in time or destroying magic or saving the world or killing a god…"
"Why were you looking at me when you said that?" Skuld demanded while both Chao just looked innocent as the list of qualities scrolled down the illustration behind Kuro.
"So, you're saying that these Servants will be superheroes?" Negi asked hopefully.
"No," Kuro said bluntly. "As I said, I misspoke when I called them Heroic Spirits. Not all of them will be heroes. Indeed, due to dissonance when it comes to values across not only different cultures, but also time, few will subscribe to our definition of 'heroic'. I said Epic Spirits became objects of worship and lore, but that's a contextually narrow definition. A more neutral way of putting it is that they are remembered and that their legend is spread, with they themselves being held in reverence, considered so far beyond people as to no longer be normal, changing from a person into an ideal. Indeed, that's one way to describe hero worship." Kuro smiled darkly. "Care to guess the logical extension of this theory?"
Negi frowned in confusion, wondering what she meant. Heroes were heroes, weren't they?
It was Batman who spoke. "Villains," he snarled.
Kuro's smile darkened even more. "Yes. In the eyes of the Throne, the moral considerations of your actions do not matter, only their scale and their effect on the world and your legend. Jack the Ripper is as much an Epic Spirit as Robin Hood. After all, both achieved great things, and their legends are remembered far and wide. And really, isn't fear a form of reverence?" she asked rhetorically as behind her the image of Kevin Costner with a bow and arrow stood next to a shadow-faced gentleman holding a bloody razor. "To the Throne, all that matters is that you achieved great things. Terrible, maybe… but great."
"Stop!" Chisame cried. "Okay, summary time. Servants are nerfed Epic Spirits. Epic Spirits can be either heroes or villains. They've got something to do with this 'Holy Grail War'. And you're saying the right Servant could potentially kick even a god's ass."
"Not in so few words, but yes," Kuro huffed as Skuld glared. Argh, young people, wanting their information in bite-sized bytes! No appreciation for proper context or delivery. "The Holy Grail War is essentially a Battle Royale. The summoned Servants fight each other to the death, and the winner gets the Holy Grail, essentially enough power to grant any wish conceivable, and definitely enough to punch a hole to Akasha."
Negi's eyes brightened. "A wish…" he said, thinking 'looking for dad'-ly thoughts.
"Don't even think about it," Kuro said steely. "Unless you want to commit murder to find your dad, this isn't the wish for you."
Negi paled. "M-Murder?-!"
"It's a battle royale. Last man standing. There can only be one."
Negi gulped and shrank back, wondering why the universe saw fit to torment him so with impossible choices.
"In our world, the Holy Grail War involved only seven Classes of Servants," Kuro said. "Archer, Saber, Rider, Lancer, Caster, Berserker and Assassin. Though that doesn't seem to be the case here. Temptress, while unconventional, was definitely a Servant, and I suppose that a temptress is an acceptable epic archetype. Cleopatra would certainly fit in it, although I don't think that's who she was."
Ayaka frowned. "I'm sorry Kuro-san, but how do you know so much about this subject? Given Erebus-san's reactions, it's apparent this isn't common knowledge to the wizards of your world, so it's a bit puzzling that you are so well-versed on it."
Kuro smirked. "Ah, that's right, you weren't at my proper introduction. And Negi's girls aren't exactly renowned for their memory. Ah, well, I suppose it'll do no harm to tell you. My full name is Kuro von Einzbern-Emiya. My immediate family and I are the last of the Einzbern clan in our world."
They all blinked at her. "Your family started the Holy Grail War?" Asuna said.
"Yup!" Kuro said. "My mom and dad fought in the Fourth War eleven years ago, and my brother, sister and I fought the Fifth and hopefully last the year before."
Ayaka paled. "But you're so young!"
Everyone gave her a bland look. She blushed. "Sorry, force of habit."
Kuro reached into her pocket and handed Deathnote a few pictures. She leafed through them, whistling in appreciation. "Wow, that's some prime man-meat, Kuro-chan," she said, grinning. "I thought you didn't swing that way?"
"I don't," Kuro said primly. "Those are for references in case I ever get sent back in time."
"Ah," Deathnote said, she and a few other people nodding sagely in agreement. "Makes perfect sense."
"In what universe!-?" Chisame cried.
"Ours," Deathnote said simply.
"Due to the end of the Einzbern clan, many records were lost from the first three Holy Grail Wars," Kuro said. "However, thanks to modern record keeping methods, the last two Wars were recorded with some fidelity. While some details are missing, the following examples should give you an idea of what Servants are capable of."
On the screen behind her, the picture of a man appeared. Haruna wolf-whistled, adding a few "Ah-ooga!"s for good measure as a mortified Nodoka and an amused Konoka settled her back down. The man was pretty handsome, wearing tight black clothing, and carried a spear in either hand, one red, one yellow.
"This is the Lancer of the Fourth Holy Grail War, Diarmuid Ua Duibhne," Kuro said, pronouncing it flawlessly. "Both his spears— his Noble Phantasms, weapons which are part of his legend or abilities that personify parts of their legend— are magical, with one being able to disrupt magic, and the other causing wounds that do not heal as long as the weapon is intact."
Everyone shared at him. "Huh?" Asuna said. "Who's he?"
"Diarmuid Ua Duibhne," Batman graveled, "the son of Donn, foster son of Aengus, and first warrior of the knights of Fianna. Also known as Diarmuid of the Love Spot, due to a magical love spot granted to him by a young girl. Any woman who gazes upon the spot instantly fell in love with him, which eventually led to an encounter with Gráinne, the bride of Fionn mac Cumhaill. Gráinne had fallen in love with Diarmuid at her wedding party, and placed a geis on him to run away with her. They were pursued relentlessly by Fionn, but after much blood was shed, he decided to recognize their marriage, granted Diarmuid a proper title and land, and welcomed them back as subjects. Sometime later while hunting with Fionn, Diarmuid was fatally injured by a wild boar. Fionn had the ability to transform spring water in to a powerful healing agent. Fionn only needed to walk a few steps to the nearby spring, but is jealousy and hatred towards Diarmuid made him spill the water twice. By the third time he went to scoop water, Diarmuid had already died." Batman paused. "It's a relatively obscure Irish legend outside of the country."
Kuro was nodding as the display behind her showed a storyboard of the gory details. "Poor schmuck. My mother told me he was a very chivalrous gentleman. Sounded like a nice guy." She snapped her fingers.
The picture behind her changed, becoming a giant of a man with a red beard and cape, riding a huge chariot across the night sky, with a teenaged boy holding frantically to his leg and quite clearly crying. "Servant Rider, Al-Iskandar of Macedonia, the King of Conquerors. More commonly known as Alexander the Great. The sniveling little bug with him was his Master, Waver Velvet."
"'Waver Velvet'?" Misa repeated incredulously. "What, did his parents want him to grow up to be a porn star?" She paused. "Uh, did he become a—?"
"No," Kuro said. "He became a teacher."
Misa eyed the Negis. "Teachers can be sexy too," she said, grinning lecherously.
"Hear hear," the Evangelines muttered.
The two child teachers blinked in confusion. "Huh?"
"DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!" Chisame and Twilight Red chorused.
"According to my parents, Iskandar had the power to summon his army to battle," Kuro said. "And his chariot was some kind of flying, lightning-spewing weapon of mass destruction. Between those two, he was regarded as an extremely dangerous opponent and a prime candidate to win the grail. He was killed by this man." She snapped her fingers again.
The image shifted to a tall blond man with an arrogant expression, clad in golden full-body plate armor. Skuld stifled a squeak of fear.
"This is Servant Archer, Gilgamesh of Uruk, the First and King of Heroes," Kuro said. "He owns nearly every legendary weapon that ever existed, or at least the super prototypes for them. If legendary weapons were Beatles songs, he owns the songs from before they became famous." She paused. "Even as I say it I realize that's a horrible analogy."
Everyone nodded solemnly.
The next image was of a knight in black armor. At least, they assumed so. He didn't show up in the photo every well. "Servant Berserker," Kuro said. "Alias Sir Lancelot of the Knights of the Round Table. Insane, but can use literally anything he got his hands on as a weapon, a master of disguise, and his sword is the equal of Excalibur itself, and is essentially Excalibur's evil twin." She paused. "One of its evil twins," she amended.
The next wasn't a single person but a group of people all wearing black, carrying knives and wearing skull masks. "Servant Assassin, Hassan-i-Sabah, or at least, one of those who took up the name of the 'Old Man of the Mountain'. The name is a legacy title held by the leader of the al-Assasīn, which would later evolve into the League of Assassins. In fact, there's some evidence to suggest they were the ones who suggested the addition of the template. The Einzbern have vague mentions of Ra's al Ghul showing up during the planning stages of the ceremony before being told to buzz off. Thank goodness for crappy European-Middle-Eastern relations. They're designed as anti-Master units, meant to go after the Magus and not other Servants. They don't play fair, you'll never see them coming, and they'll kill you so many ways it's stupid. I'd tell you to avoid them, but by the time you see it, it's already in killing range and holding the heart it just tore from your chest."
Negi wasn't the only one to gulp, especially since Deathnote added a disturbing realistic graphic of a heart in someone's hand.
The next image was of a smiling woman holding a golden cruciform staff, with a short skirt, beret, and black wings sprouting from her back. Oddly, there was a shot of the same woman as a child, still in the same outfit, and another shot of her as a child with pale blonde hair.
"This," Kuro said, "is Servant Caster, Regina Daemonia, Destroyer of Worlds, Hero of Justice, Queen of the Night Sky, she who has fought gods and made them cry, withstood the attentions of Dark Evangel and the Green Devil of Earth, etcetera, etcetera."
As one, everyone looked at the Evangelines.
"Don't look at me," the local one said. "I've never seen that woman before in my life!"
The other one, however, grunted. "Oh, so that's what that was about. Huh. Maybe I should fix her big mouth, if she's going around bragging."
Erebus, however, was blinking. "Hayate-chan?" Then he snapped his fingers. "Oh, right. I forgot about that.…"
Kuro nodded. "Although Magi have always espoused that the Throne Of Heroes lies outside of time, making it theoretically possible to summon Epic Spirits from the future, Caster here is the first bit of empirical evidence to confirm it. In our world and time, Hayate-chan is an eleven year old girl with partial leg paralysis who happens to be one of the most powerful Mahou Shoujo on the planet. However, it was definitively confirmed that it was her who was summoned during the Fourth Holy Grail War, meaning that barring paradox, there is a high probability our Hayate grows up to be epically badass."
As one, Ala Alba turned to the other Chao, who smiled brightly. "What's everyone looking at me for?" she asked glibly.
Kuro snorted. "I've reason to believe that this person might exist on this world. I can't really tell you any more details, since that will likely bias your view should the time come, but I can advise you to keep him away from her until you save the world together at least once."
She pointed resolutely at Negi.
"Eh?" he asked, confused and a little hurt. "Why not?"
Kuro gave him a bland look. "Her harem won't appreciate you horning in."
"EH!-?-!-?-!"
"You seem very certain it will come to saving the world," Batman said accusingly.
"It always does," Kuro shrugged. "After all, don't you meet people when the world needs to be saved from, say, purely as a theoretical example, power-stealing, vampiric, tripod-riding shape-shifters from Mars who might or might not kill and replace a prominent US astronaut-turned-politician and use him to trick Superman to disarm all the world's nuclear weapons as they sabotage several deep space monitoring stations around the world, thus setting the world up for invasion?"
There was a beat.
"That was oddly specific," Batman said suspiciously.
"Ah, it was just a random, theoretical example," Kuro said with all the innocence of a child with crumbs on her lips when the cookie jar was empty. "I'm sure that your world won't be invaded by power-stealing, vampiric, tripod-riding shape-shifters from Mars who might or might not kill and replace a prominent US astronaut-turned-politician and use him to trick Superman to disarm all the world's nuclear weapons as they sabotage several deep space monitoring stations around the world, thus setting the world up for invasion who are vulnerable to sunlight." Kuro paused in her narration to smirk at Skuld. "Now, I trust our little divine highness could confirm if this Servant lineup also was in effect in this universe or not?"
After lifting her nose slightly (TSUN!), Skuld pulled a cellphone shaped device out of her breast pocket and held it high. After pressing a sequence into it, it displayed a 3-D image of a very strange man in purple robes, with his hood down, showing his freakishly pale face, long blueish-black hair, and bugging eyes. His posture and expression conveyed a stark sensation of malice and perversity. "Actually," Skuld said, "the same basic chain of events seems to have happened in this world as well, although with a few differences. The Fourth War Caster, in this world, wasn't the young woman you described, but this man. Gilles de Rais, the French noble and warrior turned follower of the black magic, who inspired the bloody legend of Bluebeard. Once a fair and gallant gentleman, the death of his comrade in arms Jeanne D'Arc twisted his mind and pushed him to study the dark arts. He massacred dozens of innocents, especially women and children, in his malevolent experiments for further power. The Church and the king had him executed, but his spirit was brought back to this world by a Japanese serial killer who saw fit to take part in the War as a sick game."
"Okay," Kuro scowled. "Bonus points for dramatic exposition. Continue."
Skuld glared at her before going on. "They captured several children across Fuyuki City in a scheme to set a trap for Saber, whom Caster wrongly believed was Jeanne brought back to life. However, Saber fought her way through the legion of monsters Caster had unleashed upon the city and was able to slay him. Shortly after, Caster's Master was shot and killed by the Magus Killer, Emiya Kiritsugu."
Kuro smiled faintly. "It's good to see no matter the world, Daddy could take care of business. However, from what I saw of the local Shirou-niichan…"
"Yes. The Emiya Kiritsugu who lived in this world has long departed it. Sorry," Skuld said before pressing more keys, now showing a curious looking antropomorphic figure in baggy pants and a green shirt, holding a wide round shiny shield in a way that obscured most of his face. On the shield was what looked like a heraldic symbol composed of three black circles. However, a pair of long, dog-like black ears could be seen poking from behind the shield. "Additionally, this was Servant Shield, another participant in that War you apparently lacked. Not that it matters much, since he was the second Servant to fall after Assassin. Shields are excellent at defense, but rarely remarkable at offense compared to Sabers or Lancers. Although the current Shield," the image changed to a shadowy, blurry picture of a tall blond woman holding a sword for a moment, "is a notable exception to that rule."
Kagurazaka, Eishun and Erebus seemed oddly rattled at seeing that image. Skuld smiled at them. "Something wrong?"
Twilight Red asked warily, "That Shield woman… She wouldn't happen to be…?"
Skuld closed her eyes. "Probably. Although I have no idea who're you talking about."
Chisame grumbled. "You're being misleading and obscure on purpose, aren't you?"
"If anything, I'm saying too much," Skuld sighed, showing everyone another picture, this time one of a thin and dashing young man with short orange hair. "Fourth War Vigilante, also known in life as Robin Hood, or rather, one of the men who took the Robin Hood identity through Prince John Lackland's rule. One of them was a fox-man, back when those beings still roamed this world. True story." She placed a kiss on her own fingers to make her point. "This other 'Robin Hood' was an expert archer, but since an Archer already had been summoned, he fell into the Vigilante class. Vigilantes are expert trackers and patrollers, but tend to fall short in direct physical confrontations. However, they can be almost as good as Assassins in covert missions. Unfortunately for this one, his Master disagreed with his methods, calling them underhanded, and forced him to fight in a direct way that had him killed rather messily by Berserker."
"Tsk," Kuro shook her head. "So Robin Hood's a legacy name, kinda like Hassan. And there was another extra Servant, you said…?"
"Yes," Skuld said. Now she was displaying the image of a buxom, smiling young woman in tall black boots, a red longcoat, and tight pants, holding a gun in each hand. Her hair was long, of a dark pink tone, and her cleavage was as wide as her roguish smile. Kuro, Haruna and the Chamos all looked on with visible interest. "Servant Stealer, who might have been a Rider if Iskander had not shown up before. In life, she was Sir Francis Drake…"
"But Sir Francis Drake was a man!" Chisame protested.
"Actually, no," Kuro said. "While that was what history remembers, mages have long known about Drake being female. You really should brush up on your proper history, Chisame-chan."
Skuld waved a finger. "Yeah, that's the history you have been told. Drake was a liar and libertine, a free spirit in an age where women weren't allowed into most positions of power, much less over hardened criminals and seamen. She and those who used her crew's services would spread the news she was, indeed, a man, and she often crossdressed during raids to preserve that impression amongst the survivors. Like most Stealers, she was a Servant specialized in treachery and dirty fighting, and yet she also had a twisted honor code of sorts. She fell to Rider, and her Master perished shortly afterwards at the hands of… ah, but that would be saying too much," she sighed. "As Gods, we aren't usually allowed to speak ill of the church."
"It was a Creepy Pervert Priest, wasn't it?" Kuro said.
"That wasn't amusing," Misora frowned.
"It wasn't intended to be," Skuld shrugged. "Now, Kuro-san," she turned her device off, "I think you were about to tell us about your Fifth War? Now that should be interesting…
Kuro smiled. "Next image, please."
The image behind her shifted into a beautiful blonde woman with shining green eyes, her hair up in a bun, clad in a blue dress and plate armor. A beautiful sword, as much work of art as weapon, was held in her gauntleted hands, and she had a determined look on her face. The image was next to a picture of another who might have been the woman's twin, except her skin and hair was paler, seemingly washed out, and her dress and armor was black veined with red, with lots of menacing spikes added, giving her an overall gothic look. This time, there were other pictures, mostly of the gothic one is severe dark dresses, bathing suits, a soccer uniform, and other fan services pictures. Some had her half-naked wearing only an oversized shirt.
"HAWT!" Haruna and Chamo cried, whistling loudly again.
"This," Kuro said, an edge of annoyance in her voice, "Is Servant Saber. She has the distinction of having been summoned in both the Fourth and Fifth Wars. Generally, the Saber class is considered the most-balanced class, with good stats in all fields and all have generally high levels of magical resistance, meaning your magic needs to be at least Erebus-level to put a proper dent in them. They wouldn't even notice Yue's level of magic."
"Thanks a lot," Yue muttered in annoyance. Psycho Purple patted her shoulder reassuringly.
"She has a natural talent with fellatio, and is apparently very good in bed. Her preferred positions are—" was as far as Kuro got before Chisame, Calculator and Twilight Red, all with strangled sounds coming from their throats, leapt at her, to Haruna, Misa, Deathnote and the ermines' cries of disappointment.
"What's fellatio?" Negi asked in confusion, and the three girls piled up on top of Kuro froze, staring in horror.
The room was suddenly filled with an aura of purest terror as Batman, suddenly looming above them all and looking like a demon out of hell said, in his deepest, most unearthly gravel, "Don't think about it."
"B-but—" Erebus ventured.
"DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!" Batman roared.
With a pair of Rina Sato-sounding girlish screams, the two Negi twitched and collapsed in a dead faint.
There was a brief mad scrabble as they tried to revive the two. When they came to, both had absolutely no memory of the preceding thirty seconds. It was decided not enlighten them, and Kuro resumed her lecture, a comical bandage on her head as everyone moved a teensy bit farther away from Batman.
"Ahem," Kuro said as a man in blue with a red spear not unlike Diarmuid's showed on the display. "Next is the Fifth Lancer, Cu Cuchulainn. Like his predecessor, he's Irish, and his spear causes wounds that don't heal and can magically target the heart by violating the law of Cause and Effect. He's also a pretty decent mage. Pretty nice guy, as unrepentant killer warriors go. Good at gardening."
"Gardening?" Chisame said. "How is that relevant?"
"It isn't, I just thought I'd throw it in," Kuro said. "Next."
The view changed, and Haruna and Chamo went nuts.
"This is Sexy Battle Oneechan Servant Rider," Kuro remarked dryly at the assorted images of the tall, busty woman with floor-length purple hair and glasses clad in everything from a low cut, high hemmed black dress and blindfold, jeans and a sweater, a bikini, and a maid uniform. Even Batman was forced to admit she looked hot in all of them. "Although I suppose it must be obvious from her pictures, but she's a Greek Hero. You might have heard of her. Name's Medusa."
"Wait, even I've heard of this one!" Asuna cried. "She's the one who killed her dad and married her mom, so she had to fight the cyclops by washing out a giant barn using the Golden Fleece that made whips of scorpions that could turn lead into gold statues who married Pygmalion because the goddesses wanted to punish him for eating the golden apple they were going to give Eve, right?"
Ayaka face palmed. "Asuna, you're being embarrassing…" So many myths, and not one right!
Asuna ignored her, puffed up from knowing she could actually contribute something. "Isn't she supposed to have, like, the head of Poison Ivy with snakes growing out of her hair?"
Kuro stared at Asuna, then turned to Twilight Red. She paused, then turned to Erebus. "You are working on her grades, right?" she asked, sounding almost desperate.
"HEY!" the Asunas chorused.
Kuro muttered something about idiocy power. "Anyway, even though her appearance isn't what you expect, she's still a dangerous, crafty opponent. She's extremely quick and agile, her eyes will turn any organic materials with insufficient magical resistance into stone— having to see her face is a sadly mythtaken assumption— and she can set up a zone known as Blood Fort Andromeda that will digest anyone unlucky enough to be in it into magic to feed her. Next!"
The image changed, to the disheartened groans of Chamo, Haruna, and, surprisingly, Keiichi, the latter two putting down the cell phones they were using to take pictures… only to snap them up again as on the display appeared a beautiful woman with relatively stubby elf ears and wearing revealing Phantom Thief Arséne cosplay, which displayed her sizable assets. "Kuro-chan, your world is an AWESOME place!" Haruna crowed as more similar cosplay pictures appeared. The one with her wearing a long, dark-toned, hooded dress was almost lost in all of it.
"This is Servant Caster," Kuro said, "alias Princess Medea of Colchis. She comes with a magic-dissolving dagger, the prototypes for dragon's tooth soldiers, anti-army spells, and the ability to cast spells on the scale of what Erebus used yesterday with only a few short syllables rather than a whole incantation. Oh, and she's desperately trying to get married, likes to cosplay, and seems to have a wedding dress fetish for some reason. She's also not very good at cooking; my mom had to teach her for the first few months after she got married."
"Is that information really relevant?" Misa said.
"Hey, she's a neighbor and one of my mom's best friends!" Kuro protested, a tad defensively. "That's the sort of thing that sticks to me, okay? Next!"
The next picture was not female, to the immediate disappointment of Chamo and Keiichi. It was a tall, lanky man with a vaguely villainous, sharp-featured, and somewhat rough-looking face, he wore a black leather duster. The Servant carried a carved staff in his left hand, and a shorter, more heavily carved rod in his right. Another picture of him showed him dressed in ornate Gothic armor of the style used in Western Europe in the fifteenth century. It was black and articulated, with decorated shoulder pauldrons and an absurdly ornate breastplate. Filigree was everywhere, its colors varying from a natural gold to a green that deepened along the color gradient to blue and then purple to give it a cold, eerily surreal look, the thing looking like it should weigh six hundred pounds. A Roman-style cloak of dark grey with a deep hood and front panels hung on his shoulders, its ties fastened to the front of the breastplate. All in all, he looked like a Games Workshop version of a Jedi Knight.
For some surreal reason, there was what looked like a zombie-fied Tyrannosaurus Rex in the background.
"This is Servant Assassin, and he's a bit complicated," Kuro said. "He's a hero who doesn't actually exist in real life. His name is Harry Copperfield Blackstone Dresden, and he's from a popular novel series where I'm from. Caster summoned him as a Servant by somehow manipulating the Grail System with her more comprehensive knowledge of magic. He's not really the book character, just a random spirit who happened to possess many of the qualities of the character and given his form and abilities. There's some possibility something similar may happen here as well… but then, there's also the possibility the world will be invaded by the Deep Ones led by Dagon and Cthulthu, so that doesn't mean much."
"Actually, no, they won't, my friends and I dealt with the possibility several years ago," Eishun said mildly.
The librarians, including his own daughter, Kuro, and the Negis stared at him, and the Evangelines were pretending they weren't.
"What?" Takamichi said, his cool, nonchalant indifference belying an underlying self-satisfied smugness. "Ala Rubra had a reputation for doing awesome things for a reason. It was no big deal."
As Konoka looked at her father with new awe and Negi stared vaguely off, possibility seeing his own father in his mind's eye, Kuro shuddered slightly. "I wanna go home…" she whimpered. "I wanna go home and molest my sister…"
Everyone twitched.
Haruna stood, and walked over to Kuro, patting her reassuringly on the shoulder. "There, there," she said softly. "You don't have to worry, the Eldritch abominations have all been dealt with by the hot older men."
"I still wanna go home," Kuro said plaintively. "I haven't molested my sister in days, and Asuna's no good! She just doesn't taste the same!"
Asuna scowled, but uncomfortably, not really sure she should protest.
Haruna continued patting her. "Now, now, it could be worse. At least you have a sister to molest. I assume she's hot?"
"We're twins," Kuro said. "Technically."
Haruna shuddered, becoming glassy-eyed, a little drool dripping from the corner of her mouth. "Twins…!"
"Stop it, or we're leaving," Yue said bluntly.
The Final Problem
Henriette had struggled for too long to make the perfect detective out of Sherly. She had embraced the challenge, tackling it with unhealthy passion, trying her best to relive the thrill of the old chase. To remake the yin to her yang, to regain her balance. No, their shared balance.
Only she now realized that, along the way, somehow, she had fallen in love with the idiot herself, rather than with the perfect sleuth she had hoped to recreate.
Henriette wasn't quite sure what to make out of it. She deserved nothing but the best, didn't she? Her opponent, her match for life, her glorious nemesis, had to be someone in her own level. And Sherly was sadly lacking there. She had never recovered her Toys. The evidence was overwhelmingly not coming together at all.
Until Henriette realized she had been looking at it from the wrong angle.
She didn't really wish for a nemesis anymore.
She wished for her Sherly. Her Sherly…
Kuro-chan Dojo!
"This," Kuro said, "is Servant Archer."
They looked at the image, a tall, dark-skinned man with silver hair and a semi-knowing, sardonic smile. He wore black armor and a red coat. The various other pictures of him showed in action poses, wielding various swords and a black bow. One picture showed him in an all-white version of his clothes.
They all stared at Kuro, at her dark skin, at her silver hair, and recalled her black armor— if it could even be called that— and the few scraps of red fabric she deigned to have on in a fight, at the various swords she wielded, and the black bow she used.
"I'm guessing there's some kind of long story behind this?" Chisame said blandly.
Kuro shrugged, but even Negi could tell her nonchalance was affected. "It's… complicated. I think I somehow got my powers from him.… or at least, they're based on his… but that was before I ever met him. This is one of those times I'm inclined to think 'it's magic' and leave it at that."
"Smart idea," the other Chao said cheerfully, while Batman looked disapproving at this deliberate ignorance.
"Servant Archer," Kuro repeated. "Identity, unknown. Capabilities.…" She pondered, as if unsure. "Mine. He can do everything I can do, only he can do them bigger, badder, and better. He has combat experience I don't have even a fraction of, he has a fully catalogued array of magical weaponry when I mostly know mine only by instinct, he can satisfy seven women in bed simultaneously, his tea-making skills are first rate, he—"
"WAIT!" Haruna cried. "Go back to that one!"
"You heard right the first time," Kuro said.
"Seven simultaneously?-!" Haruna said. "Wow! Even my dad can't handle four without a fight breaking out—"
"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Everyone cried.
The Negis opened their mouths. Batman glared at them.
"We know, 'don't think about it'…" they said, resigned.
Kuro had stopped listening at this point, staring at Archer's image with a mixture of admiration and despair. "Seven women… and two of them his little sisters… DAMN IT, WHY DO I ONLY HAVE HIS COMBAT SKILLS AND NOT HIS MORE IMPORTANT ABILITIES?-!" Kuro wailed. "At this rate, I won't get to sleep with my sister until I'm fifteen! She won't be a hot loli by then anymore!"
"TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" Everyone repeated, as scandalized Chisames, Asunae and Setsunas did their best to protect the Negis ears.
Other Chao sighed reached over and smacked Kuro up the back of the head.
She calmed instantly. "Thank you, I needed that," she said blandly. "Homesickness, you know."
"I understand perfectly," other Chao said, nodding. "Sometimes I fantasize about being in class 3-A too…"
The last image came on. Everyone stared. It was a hulking figure, armored from head to toe in a dark, twisted armor that made the eyes hurt to look directly at it, smooth curves contrasting jarringly with sharp angles and spikes, seemingly all of one piece. The helm was just as black, the front a smooth plate, unadorned except for a pair of glowing white eyeholes. The sides, however, were as eye-searing twisted as the rest of the armor. Two long, straight horns rose straight up from the side of the helms, smooth as ivory. A black haze seemed to cover him, making discerning the exact outline difficult. There was a length of chain wrapped around his forearm, the end trailing almost to the ground, the tip a strangely squarish pronged thing, A black cape hung from its shoulders. Weapons hung at its belt, chains and blades and other things of clearly a dangerous property.
"And finally, last but definitely not least, the Fifth Berserker, my sister's Servant," Kuro said, swooning only slightly at the mention of her sister. "Of all the Servants, his identity is a complete and total mystery. We have no idea who he is, although I suspect he's some kind of ancient, world-devouring demonic entity."
Everyone stared at her. The locals glanced at her and Ala Alba, wondering if they were messing with them. They were kidding, right?
"Unlike most Epic Spirits, who have at most three or four Noble Phantasms, this Berserker had at least 7, and more than 20 skills that might as well be Noble Phantasms," Kuro continued. "His armor is some kind of life-support system that can keep someone alive even in space, his helmet radiates an aura of fear that can cause heart attacks and lets him teleport in shadows, his belt never runs out of weapons, he can assume anyone's appearance, his mind is completely protected from outside influences, anything he touches becomes a Noble Phantasm he can use as if he'd trained with it all his life regardless if whatever it is was a chopstick or a piece of cloth, he can cause weapons and equipment to come out of the aether… the only thing he can't do is kill. One of his Noble Phantasms is apparently a curse that binds him from doing that. I suspect he might be Irish, since it could be a geas."
"You don't say …" Skuld said dryly.
"But… isn't that B—" Negi tried to say.
Other Chao's elbow subtly dug into his side. "Be cool, man…" she said under her breath, interrupting him.
Kuro was sighing, apparently not having heard. "Unfortunately, now you know as much as we do. Berserker corresponds to no single known legend. He's apparently some kind of Knight, since one of his Noble Phantasms is called 'Knight of Justice', but no knight in history corresponds to the array of abilities he has. He bears some similarity to Lancelot, but we KNOW he's not Lancelot, so that's out. Frankly, I doubt we'll ever find out who he is. All I can say is that if you ever run into him, run and hope someone distracts him from you."
Chisame stared. "But… it's… he's obvious—"
Other Chao elbowed her too. "Shut up…" she said sweetly under her breath.
Batman stared silently at the armored figure. "Demon?" he muttered under his breath, pitched to Other Chao's ears.
"Isn't that what you're going for?" she muttered right back.
A small smile payed on his lips.
"Radishes!" Makie yelled in her sleep. Ayaka sighed and stroked her pair until she settled back down.
"To date, no one has yet properly won the Grail," Kuro continued. "The first ended with everyone dead, the second ended with so much collateral damage they finally got around to establishing rules, the third ended in disaster after a botched summoning, and the fourth… well, my parents fought in it, but they don't really like to talk about it…" Kuro said.
"Perfectly understandable," Eishun said. "War isn't something you should tell children about."
"… so my mom showed us a very traumatizing movie instead."
"How Rakan-esque," Calculator said blandly.
"So to sum up, you're all screwed," Kuro said brightly. "On top of Witches roaming the night, those… Orphan things, whatever the Sailor Senshi are fighting this year, the usual insanity Negi gets involved in, you have this on top of it. Sucks to be you. And on top of that, besides Temptress, there's a second Servant to be wary of."
Everyone frowned at her. "A second Servant?" Evangeline asked, sounding vaguely curious.
Kuro nodded. "I met him the night after we arrived. He called himself Servant Vigilante." Her face took on an "I can't believe I'm saying this" expression. "He was a duck in a cape and hat. Without pants."
Eishun and Takamichi, with superhuman strength of will, did NOT look at each other in shock.
"Oh! Just like Darkwing Duck!" Konoka said cheerfully, clapping her hands together.
Kuro blinked. "Pardon?"
"Oh, it's this thing papa invented when I was young," Konoka told obliviously. "Papa would tell me stories about this superspy duck who fought crime in this made up city called St. Canard, with evil dogs made of water, and duck plants and evil bananas… papa told the best stories!"
Kuro gave Eishun a bland look and said nothing. "Well, now you know. That's how the grail war is in our world. Just one big problem."
"Oh, what now?!-" Misa asked. "What, you're going to say it's all a big lie and that it's actually going to create a portal to hell, releasing Ultimate Evil into the world?"
Kuro sniffed. "Don't be absurd, Misa. We already have Gotham City."
Everyone abruptly leaned away from Batman as he glared hard at Kuro.
She womanfully ignored him. "The problem is that, if your world is anything like ours, the Grail is tainted. During the Third Holy Grail War, the Grail was tainted. Originally, there were safeguards in place to keep villains from being summoned, but during that war, the Einzbern clan somehow managed to summon the spirit of the evil god Angra Mainyu as a Servant. His summoning tainted the Grail, although it wasn't discovered until the climax of the Fourth War. Now, as a result of his presence in the Grail, any wish made on the Holy Grail will result in absolute death and destruction. In other words, it's all a big lie and it's actually going to unleash Ultimate Evil into the world. "
Everyone stared at her.
"Really sucks to be you. Well," Kuro finally said, really wishing for a glass of water. "I think that's all that really needed sharing…"
The Batman raised a hand dryly.
"Yes? The tall kid with the long ears?" Kuro asked.
Unamused, he only asked, "Why did the Joker become a woman?"
"Dunno," Kuro shifted her eyes in Skuld's direction. "Any idea, Divine Eyes?"
"Ah, that. He's basically become a Kampfer, a relatively new type of Magical Girl," the goddess explained with a quick wave of her hand. "Kampfers aren't really very powerful, so that shouldn't be a very big issue in the full picture…"
"You know you have just messed everything up by saying that, don't you?" Chisame questioned.
As if she hadn't heard her, Skuld continued, "Kampfers receive their powers from 'benefactors' known as Moderators, through talking Entrail Animal plush dolls. Technically, there are no moral or ethical requirements to become a Kampfer; since they are faced against each other in competitions to achieve an ultimate magical prize the likes of which I'm not authorized to share…"
"… naturally…!" Asuna rolled her eyes.
"… they tend to come from different walks of life. Regardless, the Kampfer transformations often cause a great deal of physical and psychological changes upon the subjects. Often, a really nice and decent girl becomes a bloodthirsty psycho after changing, and while the opposite is rare, it also can happen. As you can see, even men can become Kampfers, although the transformation always triggers a gender change then."
"Hnh…" Batman grunted.
"Yeah. As if your relationship wasn't full of all sorts of uncomfortable layers already, isn't that right?" Deathnote asked.
"We don't have a 'relationship'," Batman warned, using the same tone the alternate Paru had used with that word. "Not only that, but Pamela Isley and Harley Quinn seem to have achieved supernatural powers as well…"
Kuro sighed. "Yeah, what kind of crappy reincarnation system do you have here? In our world, all the Sailor Senshi are good people, Sailor Galaxia and Animates incident aside, and corruption against their will was at play there. Granted, our Uranus and Neptune can be hard to work with at times too, but this…!"
"Hey, Sailor Mercury is an excellent person!" Yuuna jumped to point up.
Kuro gave her a knowing grin. "Oh, she is. And I say this without any trace of irony."
"If I may be allowed to speak now," Ala Alba's Karakuri respectfully raised a hand, "During all of these events I haven't had a chance to broach the subject, but I also met a being who seemed to fill the basic conditions of a Servant at Mahora. He even claimed to be a Servant."
Both Chaos blinked notably. "May we have visuals, Chachamaru-chan?" Other-Chao asked, already pulling a tiny device shaped like a flashdrive out. Karakuri nodded, turning around and pulling her hair aside, allowing her co-creator access to her neck. Other-Chao jammed the tiny unit there, and it immediately displayed a holographic projection of Chachamaru's databanks for everyone to see, visible as a wide collection of computer folders. Everyone noticed how there were several of them with Negi's name on them, all of them adorned with diminutive locks, and frowns abounded.
A miniature pointer went to a folder labeled as "?WTF?", and clicked on it. Then it clicked on a thumbnail picture and expanded it. The image began moving in slow mo, showing a darkly wisecracking, very strange man in a yellow zoot suit, with a hat and colorful tie. He seemed to be bald and with no eyebrows, his whole head grotesquely green, his eyes bulging, a huge Joker-esque grin plastered across his mouth. "This is him," Karakuri blandly said.
Asakura, Chisame, Nodoka and Haruna all cringed in varied degrees of distress, while the Batman's scowl deepened. A lot. "So, I take it you have an idea who is this…?" Other-Chao asked. "Enlighten me, please. It's not often I get to play this kind of role reversal. Though if had to hazard a guess, I'd say its Lex Luthor finally driven insane by kryptonite-cancer mutations."
"Well, as a matter of fact, yeah, I'm familiar with his story…" Asakura said.
Chisame almost jumped out of her skin. "Gyah! You were here all this time?-!"
"Yes, always," the pineapple haired girl nodded. "That's the thing about us sneaky photographers," and she briefly paused to receive a high-five from an otherwise impassive Matoi and the stoic but slightly embarrassed Setsunas. "After you dumped me yesterday, I wasn't going to be out the loop yet again! I followed you as soon as you left the Inn!"
Kuro glanced sideways at the only one in the room with a cape. "Did you know she was there?"
"Of course. I'm Batman," he lied. Gotta look cool, gotta look cool…
Eishun hummed, smiling. Children were so cute when they thought they were sneaking without being detected by anyone. As it was, he had decided to humor her.
"Yeah, yeah, you're a master spy and we love you because of that," Yuuna said, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, what is what we all need?"
"Ten years ago, in Edge City, USA, a mysterious vigilante of sorts known only as 'Bighead' appeared, assailing the underworld and bringing criminals to justice while completely humiliating them," Asakura began narrating. "He was virtually invulnerable. Bullets didn't even slow down. Cutting him in half only set him back while he literally pulled himself together, although some say these were only exaggerations…"
"They weren't," Skuld said.
"Pretty sure our Negi can do that," Twilight Red said. "And Superman-sama's been doing the bulletproof thing for a while now."
"Ah. Anyway," Kazumi continued, "The police, being naturally distrustful of vigilantes, set out to stop Bighead, but he kept making them look like idiots. They couldn't do anything to stop him. But the worst part was, as months went on, Bighead became more violent, reckless and brutal. He began slaughtering criminals in sadistic ways not too unlike the Joker's MO. Even worse, he also started attacking citizens for random minor transgressions, or even imagined ones. The mob, rumors say, hired a metahuman mystery hitman known only as Mr. Walter to stop him. Think of Solomon Grundy who talked even less. He was one of only three people to ever face Bighead more than once and survive, along with a criminal scientist named Dr. Pretorius and Edge City police officer Mitch Kellaway, who had been chasing Bighead since the start of his career."
Haruna nodded. "Then, one day, he just… disappeared. No one knows what happened to him, although most suppose he just died, but what could kill a creature like him, who knows. Very very bizarre, yep."
"You two seem awfully knowledgeable on the subject," Misa said.
"Well," Asakura replied, "Peggy Grant, the reporter who wrote the most extensive book on the Bighead case, is kind of one of my rolemodels in investigative journalism. Many have accused her of sensationalizing events, but I think she's just one of those people who won't stop for anything to get a good scoop…"
"Not even things like ethics, right?" Misa inquired.
"I liked her book," Haruna mused. "Not very polished prose, but you could feel her emotion for the case."
"You never did anything to solve the case?" Kagurazaka asked Batman.
"Back then, I still was finishing my training on the other side of the world," the Bat said. "When I returned to America, this 'Bighead' had already vanished. But I still did some research of my own on him. See this?" he pointed at where the green of Bighead's face became flesh colored on his neck, Chacahamaru helping with a closeup. "I think this is a signal of the origin of his powers. He derived them from some sort of mask."
"Uncle Loki's mask, to be exact," Skuld yawned. "Uncle is the God of Mischief, so sometimes he just drops lethal artifacts in the human world, like cursed monkey paws, typewriters, Deathnotes, Hina, and the like on Midgard for shits and giggles. We keep telling him to stop it, but you think he ever listens…? We stuffed him back under his snake pit after that thing he did with that Twilight fanfic…"
"Exactly how much power are we talking about here?" Asuna asked.
"Well, let's see… Enough power to materialize objects out of nowhere, control minds, survive an atomic explosion at ground zero, chop himself into steaks while laughing, reform himself from being reduced to a severed head…" Skuld recounted. "Although that was before becoming an Epic Spirit, which always kind of nerfs your stats and skills down a bit. If you ever have to face him, he only has one weakness. You must separate him from the mask, which I suppose is working as some sort of Noble Phantasm permanently attached to him. If you do that, he should lose his divine powers and be reduced to a weakened state. Good luck getting that close, though. I imagine he will be the Servant to defeat in this Grail War."
"Everyone says that, they get their asses kicked by the strangest people anyway," Kuro said dismissively.
"He mentioned belonging to the Trickster class," Karakuri added.
Konoka frowned. "Whoever controls such an awful character must be a very nasty person," she mused, unusually disgusted.
Skuld gave her a short enigmatic glare before saying, "Well, while most Servants and Masters do share common traits that draw them to each other, that doesn't mean they always see the world the same way. For what it's worth, the Bighead guy started like a mortal with good intentions, but Loki's power would drive anyone insane. Even Uncle Loki. The Trickster's owner, most likely, is someone who started this with the purpose to do good, but could end up being devoured by the nature of his actions…" she said, as if warning.
There was a 'dun, dun DUN!'.
"HARUNA!" both Chisames cried.
"What? It was appropriate!"
That last sentence had been said in such a strangely ominous tone that for a moment no one seemed to be willing to even ask about it, until, of course, Makie went on a tangent, with a yawn and a rub of her eyes.
"What's that Noble Phantasm thing you mentioned, Sku-chan, Kuro-chan?"
"Noble Phantasms… " Kuro pondered, trying to think of how to explain. Normally, she'd go right into it, but since Makie had asked the question, she felt a token obligation to try and dumb it down for the gymnast to understand. "They're kinda like the hero's trademark," she said lamely, unable to dumb it down any further. "Like, something about them from their story that really symbolizes there… them-ness."
"… ah?" Makie said, clearly still confused.
"It's something that if you see them with, you'll know who they are, since they're the only one to have that specific thing," Kuro tried desperately. "Like how King Arthur has Excalibur, or how Negi has that staff of his."
"Ah!" Makie said.
"You got it?" Kuro asked, relieved.
"No, I just thought if I nodded along you'll stop trying to explain," Makie admitted.
Kuro hung her head. "Ugh, civilians…"
Asakura sighed. "Anyway, do you know what do we need now?"
"I know I'm going to regret asking, but no, so what is it?" Chisame replied.
Kazumi grinned while showing her camera off. "A group picture, of course!"
"Gee, why would it be I'm not surprised?" Asuna wondered.
"C'mon!" Asakura told her. "Odds are we'll never be all together in the same spot, ever again! Don't you think we should keep a few mementos of this for the rest of our lives?"
Deathnote nodded. "It can't be denied she's right there, guys."
Haruna nodded as well. "Since we aren't going to stage an orgy, we should at least go with the next best thing…"
"Haruna!" Nodoka chided her.
"Just joking! Joking, sheesh!"
"I wish I could believe you," Ayaka grumbled. "I really do. But we should indeed keep a memento as proof our alliance, that which allowed us to manage the impossible! So we can remember our perhaps brief, yet eternal, bonds forever! Yes, Negi-sensei and I will proudly show this group picture to our children, and the children of our children, so the glorious legacy of the Ala Albas and our epic deeds is never forgotten! In this golden day, celebrating our victory over darkness and evil, I swear with a fist on my heart I will never allow time to sweep away our—"
Roberta nudged one of her shoulders slightly. "Ojou-sama, we're about to get our picture taken. Please do fall in with the group…"
"GAH!" Ayaka reacted, seeing everyone had gathered together already while Asakura readied the camera. The Class Rep hastily made her way over to Negi's side, not so subtly pushing Misa and Misora away, taking advantage of their own struggle to stand at Negi's left while Chisame stood at his right. More or less squeezed in between Chisame and Ayaka, Negi gulped a little. Matoi, as expected, had fallen in right behind Chisame, with Hakase at the stalker's other side, holding hands with Sakurako. Chachamaru had stepped right behind her creator, with Chao sitting on one of her shoulders and a bored looking Evangeline on the other. The other Chao, McDowell and Karakuri mimicked the arrangement on the opposite side of the group, a mildly amused Kuro next to them as Calculator subtly tried to put make-up on her face, her robot mades standing patiently behind her.
The Asunas had shared an evil look before moving to stand on either side of Ayaka, who was congratulating herself on snagging the much-coveted position. Her distraction grew as Erebus was pushed by group consensus to stand next to Negi, the former now blushing intensely in embarrassment as he realized he'd be immortalized in the picture wearing frilly pink girl's clothes.
The giggling Konokas each grabbed a Setsuna and posed, the local one standing next to Asuna while her parents stood behind her. For some reason, Natsuki awkwardly stood near Eishun, although frowning and facing away from him. Roberta stood at Ayaka's other side opposite Negi, just behind Asuna, while Haruka forced Misa and Misora to stay still, with her in their middle.
"Closer, closer, everyone, or we won't all fit into the photo," Asakura hummed, calibrating the angle and take. Then she looked back at… "Batman-sama? Aren't you going to be there, too?"
"Hnh," the Dark Knight said. "I don't do photos."
"Ohhh, pleeze…!" Makie looked up at him with Bambi eyes.
"No."
"Please please…!" both Konokas joined Makie.
"… No," he insisted, although his voice microscopically faltered for the slightest second in the history of mankind.
"PLEASE…!" Makie, the Konokas, Sakurako and the Chaos all cooed at once.
For a moment, the square jaw under the cowl moved in a strange way, before, wordlessly, the shadowy figure stood behind Skuld, Makie, Yuuna, Sora and Keiichi, although turning away from the camera so only the back of his cape and cowl were seen. "This is as far as I'll go."
"Awww!" Haruna giggled, squeezing close to Nodoka, both sitting down on the floor before Negi with their counterparts and Yue, making Misa and Misora curse not having thought of that themselves. "That's so cute of you, Batman-sama! You too, Kero-chan!"
"Don't call me Kero-chan!" Kerberos protested, while being dragged by Chamo and Albert and forced to sit on Nodoka's head while Chamo himself sat on Haruna's and Albert perched on Deathnote's. "Ahhh, I was supposed to be a mysterious guardian living in secrecy as fitting my range! If Master Clow could see me now…!" he lamented.
"Suck it up," Usagi sad as she stood at the edge of the ensemble next to Makie.
"I think I have it now," Kazumi smirked, finally sliding in quickly, stopping to stand with the Konoes and winking at the camera as the one ASuna signaled to each other. "Now, everyone say 'Cheese'!"
Both Asunas took that as the signal to suddenly viciously tickle the class rep from either side
"Cheese!" was the common word at that moment, said with varying degrees of enthusiasm or lack of it, as the camera shot itself. For all, that is, except Ayaka, whose intended dignified and joyful pose was completely ruined by the sudden cry of shock and laughter she let out…
