New York, May 2010
Getting someone to talk about Rupert's love life was surprisingly difficult, Richard Castle discovered soon enough. Dawn claimed that she didn't care about gossip - a claim as convincing as Buffy stating that she didn't care about shoes. Xander said that he was sworn to privacy, whatever that meant. Willow scolded him for prying. Which meant that Kennedy wouldn't answer his questions either. Faith simply laughed. Buffy somehow managed to turn him asking her into him paying for her next shopping trip. Without spilling the beans, even! Anya, of course, wanted an inappropriate amount of money. And dental, whatever she meant by that. He wouldn't ask Mary the time of day if it wasn't an emergency or concerning Alexis. And his own daughter chose the wrong time and occasion to rebel against her parents, again!
Which left Rick with just one source willing to brave whatever Rupert was holding over the Scoobies' heads. Even if he really disliked them.
"Hey, Spike!" he greeted his least welcome guest, standing in the doorway to the vampire's room. Rick had wanted to house Spike in the basement, but Vi had volunteered one of her guestroom's. And everyone had looked at Rick as if he had proposed to buy a few kittens to play poker! They were the people who had transported Spike in a suitcase, after all!
"Rick!" The vampire smiled widely at him, as if they were old friends and Spike hadn't taught Alexis how to pick locks and bust cars - granted, both were useful skills, but Alexis should have learned them to prepare for her professional career! And not from Spike! "Feeling jittery about the wedding yet?"
"I've been married twice," Rick pointed out.
"Right!" Spike nodded in what Rick thought was supposed to be sympathy. "Then you know how women change as soon as you're married."
Rick smiled thinly. "I prefer to think that the do not change, but rather stop pretending - in some cases, at least." Like Gina. Kate, though, was one of the least pretentious women Rick knew. And in his first marriage, Rick had been the one to change. Or at least his career had changed.
"Well, Dru certainly did change. Granted, we weren't married, and she was crazy to start with, but…" Spike shrugged. "Can't trust a woman who leaves you for a Fungus Demon - I mean, that's like dating a fungus infection!"
If he hadn't sought out the vampire to ask about Rupert's love life, Rick would have gladly pointed out that Spike did trust Drusilla after that incident. And asked if vampires could get STDs - he knew dying cured them, but could the undead get sick again? As it was, he shrugged noncommittally. "Speaking of women… I noticed a certain evasiveness when I inquired after my dear friend Rupert's love life."
Spike laughed out loud, even slapping his thigh. "That's one way to word it! Giles got'em spooked right and proper, does he?"
"He does. So, I thought I'd come ask the one person I know who would be brave enough to defy Rupert." Or stupid enough.
"You've come to the right man then!" Spike seemed as pleased as Rick had hoped he'd be. "Although if you expected something good, like Giles dating a Slayer, or a demon, then you'll be disappointed."
Rick had had such thoughts, actually. An older, experienced man and a younger woman in his charge, or an affair with the enemy - the lure of forbidden love was a literary trope for a reason, after all. He had even suspected that Buffy and Rupert might be an item, until Buffy's reaction to his casual inquiries. "Well… if it's a normal affair, why has he put the fear of Ripper into the other Scoobies?"
Spike chuckled. "Because they ruined his last normal relationship."
He hadn't heard about that. "Really? Do tell!"
The vampire grinned. "They were sworn to secrecy, of course, afterwards, but from what I found out, they apparently feared that his girlfriend - a librarian, even! - might be evil. Or a demon. Or both."
A sensible stance, in Rick's opinion. He was certain that Xander would agree. "Nothing a little spell wouldn't tell."
"Well… they were also concerned that the woman in question might be a golddigger," Spike explained. "That's your fault, by the way."
"My fault?"
"You were the one who married your agent - against everyone's advice. So, the gang got a bit concerned when Giles was seen with a young and pretty woman. And when she was revealed to be a librarian, they agreed that, as Buffy put it, she was too perfect to be genuine."
Rick winced. He could see what was coming.
Spike nodded. "Yes. The whole shovel speech. By everyone. The poor thing was so terrified, she left the mother country for Australia." Spike frowned. "Although I also heard that she was mad at Giles for not telling her that he was taking care of disturbed young people. Or that she was mad that he didn't tell her about demons." The vampire shrugged. "Either way, the bird's flown, and Giles laid down the law."
That explained it. Rupert had his nickname for a reason, after all. Rick smiled. "So… who's he dating?"
Spike closed up. "A perfectly normal, nice woman."
"That sounded like a quote from Rupert."
"Yes."
"You're not going to tell me who he's dating either?"
"Mate, you know how he is. He said he'd get Willow to do a spell to make me forget everything about Passions!" Spike was shaking his head. "Sorry, but there are things I don't risk. Not even for you." He shrugged. "Besides, you've got more important things to worry about than which bird Rupert's seeing."
Rick hated to admit it, but the vampire was correct - he was about to marry the love of his life, after all. And for all his lack of involvement in the planning, he was still quite busy with the preparations. He was the one paying for it, and signing all the checks. Of which there were a lot.
Before he could comment on that, though, Spike went on: "Your stag night, of course!"
Rick froze.
*****
"Dad! You look like…" Alexis trailed off, apparently not wanting to swear in front of him. At least Spike's bad influence hadn't reached that far, Richard Castle thought. Yet.
"It got a little late last night," Rick said, looking around for the coffee maker in his kitchen. He needed fluids. And caffeine. And something for his headache, before he decided that shooting himself in the head was most effective. But coffee first. Where was… ah, there! Where it was supposed to be. Who'd have expected that?
"What happened last night?" Alexis asked.
"I don't remember."
"What?"
"I don't remember." He didn't want to, and Rick was old enough - and rich enough - so he didn't have to do anything he didn't want to. Like remembering his stag night.
"Dad!" Now his daughter was frowning at him. He needed coffee to deal with this. Or not deal with this. Why was the coffee maker taking so long?
"Yes, Alexis?"
"Even if you drank so much you lost your memory, you would remember the start of the evening."
Ah, logic - his old foe. He stared at the coffee dripping into his cup. "It's complicated."
"That excuse worked when I was four, Dad. It doesn't work any more."
"I think it worked at least until you were five. Maybe six, even," he joked. She didn't laugh. Well, he was not at his best. "Some things are not meant to be spoken to anyone who wasn't there. This is one of those things."
"So you do remember!" she said, jumping on his lapse. That had to be Kate's influence.
"I plead the fifth."
"You're not on trial here."
"It certainly feels like it!" he protested, then gripped his cup, which had finally filled with his dearly needed coffee.
"That's probably because you did something you feel guilty about."
"I'm innocent until proven guilty." He took a big sip from his cup, then cursed when the hot coffee burned his lips.
"If you don't want to tell me, then I'll have to ask someone else who was there, and they'll not be trying to make you look good," Alexis tried a different tack.
"They would be incriminating themselves," he pointed out. At least he thought they would - his memory was a bit hazy when it came to the end. After the fourth pub they visited trying to prove to Rupert that you could have a decent pint in New York.
"They can turn Queen's evidence."
"It's state's evidence. We're a proud republic, not a kingdom." He huffed, then took another sip. Still too hot.
"We have a royal charter, though. And we're all subjects of Her Majesty the Queen. Even you, according to your diplomatic immunity."
And uncomfortable facts joined forces with logic. Why was everyone ganging up on him? All he had done last night was drinking too much, singing too loudly, defacing public property, and teaching Javier and Kevin how to use a flamethrower. Which anyone should be able to. Was it arson if no one one was going to complain about a fire?
"RICK!"
He winced - his Slayer had strong lungs.
"How could you!" Vi stormed into the kitchen. She was ignoring the croissants in their basket. Instead, she was focusing on him. That was a bad sign.
"How could I what?"
"How could you burn down Clarke's without me?"
"He did what?" Alexis asked.
So, that was the hazy part at the end. He had been wondering where he had gotten the moving targets for his impromptu lesson from. "Technically, it wasn't me, but Kevin, Javier and Rupert," he defended himself. "And I think Xander too. And Spike!" he added, with a frown at Alexis.
"They all decided to burn down a demon bar. Without you saying anything." His little girl sounded far too doubting, in his opinion.
"We were all very drunk," he defended himself. "I don't remember who had the idea. Really."
Vi huffed. "A likely excuse! You never forgot anything bad I did!"
"I'm usually not drunk when that happens," Rick pointed out. "Believe me, I'd certainly like to forget certain things you did," he added with a sigh.
"Don't try to distract me with Vi's sordid past," Alexis said. Her frown had grown worse, Rick noticed.
"It was worth a try," he mumbled. "But why are you interrogating and berating me? I was but one of six!" It was so unfair! "Even Rupert indulged himself!" Although were he in Rupert's place and had to deal each day with the Scoobies, Rick would probably be an alcoholic.
"You're the groom," Alexis pointed out, "and the host. And you paid for the evening."
"Logic, my old nemesis," Rick muttered. At least the coffee had cooled down enough - barely - to be drunk without sipping. "But I really don't remember anything past… well…" He gasped. "We took my car!"
"You left it in the garage." Vi was was narrowing her eyes at him.
"We took it when we came for the flamethrower." He recalled that now. How could he have thought that this would be a good idea? Drunk driving, drunk arson… Rupert would have a fit once he heard of this… no! Rick perked up. Rupert was implicated as well!
"What did you do with my baby?" Vi's guttural growl made his good mood disappear in an instant.
"We drove to Clarke's with it."
"You were six. The car seats four, maybe five." Alexis said.
"Five. And one vampire fits in the trunk."
"You put Spike in the boot?" His daughter was staring at him as if he had maimed a cat.
"He was the only one who didn't need to breathe and needed the protection from sunlight it offered." Rick refilled his cup. More coffee would help even more.
"It was night," Vi said.
"We were planning ahead." Damn, still too hot. Or again too hot. Rick winced and licked his lips.
"You said you were too drunk to remember anything. And you claim you were planning ahead in that state?" Vi scowled.
"Hey!" Compared to his Slayer, who tended to act very much impulsively, Rick was a master strategist.
"It's true, Dad. This doesn't sound very convincing." Alexis had that 'I'm so disappointed' look again.
"That's why it's true - fiction would have to make sense. Reality doesn't have that handicap!" Why didn't anyone believe him when he was telling the truth? It had made sense at the time, too.
"That still doesn't excuse burning down Clarke's without me!" Vi said, huffing.
"You wrecked it several times," Rick said. "Burned it once as well."
"Exactly! It was mine to burn down!"
"What?" Rick stared at her. That didn't make any sense to anyone. Well, with the possible exception of another Slayer.
"So, you owe me compensation for the emotional pain this callous betrayal caused!" Vi nodded emphatically.
"And me for the worries I had because you were so irresponsible!" Alexis added.
He blinked. "Are you two trying to extort money?"
His innocent daughter shrugged. "What is it worth to you if we don't mention this again?" Her grin was positively feral. Rick added Anya to the list of Scoobies with whom his daughter shouldn't associate. Or shouldn't have, seeing as the damage had been done already.
That didn't mean that he wouldn't pay, of course. No getting reminded of this at every opportunity? Cheap at any price. "How much?"
They told him. Definitely Anya's influence. But then, it was better that they picked up her greed and not her other flaws. Like the violent vengeful streak. Sighing, he looked for his wallet. Before he found it, though, another far too loud voice coming from the door made him wince.
"CASTLE!"
That was Kate. But she only called him Castle if she was angry...
Kate made a beeline towards him. "The captain just called me. Why is your car on the Precinct's roof?"
"So that's where we left it!" Rick exclaimed happily. Which, he discovered a moment later, hadn't been the smartest thing to say.
He blamed the coffee, of course.
*****