20th January 2013
21:08 GMT
"…probably didn't exist in your youth. It's called 'work-life balance'."
Palace servants clear away the aftermath of desert, and as it turns out Celestia does eat things other than cake. Spending time here when I'm
not trying to revolutionise Equestrian society has been an
interesting experience, as I'm forced to engage with the natives socially while I constantly fight the instincts telling me that everything around me is a cuddly toy.
"Or maybe it's an issue with Cutie Marks, because-."
"Thank you, Grayven, but the work you've already sponsored on Cutie Marks is causing enough trouble."
"Honestly, they can't
keep taking ketamine. They're going to develop a habit."
"Miss Glimmer has been given her own wing to perform her research. Having other ponies exposed to her ideas was becoming… Problematic."
"
Fainting.
Goats."
Celestia sighs,
very quietly. "Grayven, why are you here?"
"You're my girlfriend's sister and co-worker, and because Sunset asked me to. There's not a lot I won't do for either of them. But… If you actually want me to leave, then I will. I'm not trying to stalk you."
"Twilight… Suggested some activities-."
"Bold of her, but I'm a one-mare stallion. Though if she's suggesting things like
that, then I may have to reconsider her psychological profile."
"
Friendship activities."
"Got to be-." I blink as I consider what she just said. "Ah, don't want to give mixed messages here, but would it be alright if I hugged you right now?"
"I certainly don't mind, but why?"
"Celestia, you're over a thousand years old, and you got sent friendship activity ideas from your twenty three year old remedial friendship student. I grew up on Apokolips, exposed to the Anti-Life Equation, and
I worked it out for myself."
Granted, in Lex's case, a certain amount of coercion and murder was involved. But he's almost thirty percent over that now!
"The fact that you need advice from her about this is a bit… Sad. I mean… Is it..?"
I look her right in the face, and as far as I can tell she's waiting for me to be crass again. But that's not where I'm going.
"I'm probably not as old as you, but I've… Out-aged people before. Is that..?" Her face shifts in understanding. "The problem?"
That's true, but Other Grayven didn't care about it except when it meant that he had to train new henchpeople. And Sheeda could last quite a long time, as well as being evil enough that them dying was a little more comfortable for me than it will be when…
Um.
Wait, who do I know who isn't-?
"No. But as ruler, there is inevitably a degree of separation between myself and my subjects."
"As sovereign goddess, you mean. Human kings and queens on Earth can pal around with each other or other highly placed nobles without it being awkward. But in Equestria, it's just you. And Luna. And Cadence."
Guess that explains why Cadence got brought into the family. I mean, she should have seen how it would look to Sunset, but… By itself…
"I have colleagues, but… You are partially correct. It isn't as hard as some playwrights have suggested, but… Fixtures in my life have been… Thin on the ground."
I grin. Which is a disturbing thing to see on an equine muzzle.
"I-."
She tosses her mane. "And for some reason that doesn't seem so bad now."
"Hah! See! See! But, look, I've been following you around and you've been doing the job of the executive branch of government combined with that of a figurehead of state, and between that and raising and lowering the sun… The 'life' part of the equation has basically evaporated. You… Workhorse, you."
"Is this where you suggest that I reform the entire government of Equestria?"
"I was going to wait until you brought it up. But if you
wanted to turn the Bearerherd into alicorns with a view to them acquiring experience in different areas of life before eventually forming a new tribe-specific aristocracy, I might have done
some theoretical work on the subject."
"An alicorn-?"
"I'd prefer to upgrade everyone and switch the government over to capitalist anarchy, but I'm prepared to make compromises. You suppressed knowledge on ascension because… You want it to be a reward for the truly worthy? Okay, we only use it on the truly worthy."
"You would create an alicorn aristocracy to.. ensure that I will have friends?"
"Hey, it worked for me!" I shrug my wings. "Look, you were on your… Okay, not on your own, quite, but there… That's a big deal. Of course, if you've got some other plan to deal with things, I'm happy to 'back your play'."
"I…
Did, but I suspect that events have invalidated it."
I nod sympathetically. "Life's what happens while you're busy making other plans. But like I said to Luna, all Equestria
needs you to do is raise and lower the sun.
Anything else can be covered, as long as there's enough time to manage the transition."
"Actually, I have
an amulet that can control the sun and moon when we're away."
"That-. Ah… That's.. honestly? Better contingency planning that I expected from you."
She raises her right eyebrow.
"Nah nah nah. No eyebrow, or I'll start making a list-."
"Twilight Sparkle lived here for eight years. If I couldn't survive a daily dose of lists, Cadence would already be controlling the sun."
"M'kay. So. Work-life balance. I think Luna's got it about right at the moment, but that's because you're handling far more than your fair share."
"I'm happy to do that if it means that the two of you can be together."
Aw…
Darn these ponies, giving me diabetes.
"Sure, and that's great
now, but we've all got indefinite lifespans. It's not fair to expect you to do that indefinitely. I mean, what if
you want to start dating some-?"
"
No. Thank you for your consideration, but that won't happen."
Make a.. note to sic Ghia'ta on
that one.
"Alright… Take up a hobby, or something. I mean,
I wouldn't get bored ruling a country for a thousand years, but that's my special talent. I
can't get bored with it. I-."
"You can't take on official duties until you and Luna are married."
"And that's not happening until my father's dealt with, so don't hold your breath. But I can have a purely informal chat with your diary secretary and see if there's a way to increase your efficiency. Find things that don't
actually need you in person, and find someone else in the Equestrian government who can handle it. Frankly, heads of state aren't as essential as they like to think that they are."
"I suppose that sounds reasonable. I'll ask Raven to speak with you tomorrow."
More likely dread.