Universe 191
13th May 1954
21:39 GMT
Naturally, the Kaiser wasn't going to wait for
me. And given what I remember happening in my original home Britain with a comedian who thought that creating an @PM e-mail address and e-mailing everyone in Parliament to see who they could fool, it's probably a good idea that we have a little more security with something like this than they do. I give a polite nod to the Foreign Office wonk as he enters the room in something of a hurry.
"Sir. Is…?"
I shake my head as I wait for the Kaiser's aide to decide that he's waited long enough to remind me which of the soon-to-be participants in this conversation is a king, directing the receiver away from my mouth. "No. Still waiting."
Mr.… Evans, that's it, looks down at his notes for a moment. "Sir, we really need to go over your protection detail again."
I shake my head. "The easiest place to smuggle a gun like that is by laying it between a person's legs and concealing it with their buttocks and groin. I'm not having my bodyguards feeling up my guests."
He blinks as he considers it. "We have metal detectors."
"And we're keeping them secret. The last thing I want is to encourage people to start inventing wooden or ceramic firearms. If it-."
There's a
click from the speaker, and I move the receiver back to my mouth. Evans raises his eyebrows, and I nod. He then presses a button on the recording equipment and dons his headset so that he can keep up with what's being said.
"Mister Talwyn."
"Present."
"The next voice you hear will be that of His Majesty."
For a moment I picture my old German teacher, Herr James. The German language is a major world language in this timeline and I still haven't used the little I remember from Secondary School. And then my eye is unavoidably drawn to the orange ring on my left hand. I haven't used
that much more often. But the Kaiser speaks fluent English, and if he hears me in German… Well, it's not as if the Foreign Office is going to
ask him.
What is a superhero to do when superpowers aren't what the situation requires? I mean, in theory, if I got a
little lucky I
could have won the war for Britain… I was a little late, but the armistice hadn't been signed yet. I would have had to kill a great many people, but it would certainly have been possible. But… Then what? That nonsense from von Spreti earlier would have been
nothing compared to the unending wave of assassins who would have been after me from every corner of the world. And I don't feel like sleeping on the moon, or at the bottom of the ocean. And ignoring that, ignoring all the people I'd have to kill… What would it achieve? With the reptiloids heading our way and… What our allies did to their own people… That isn't the sort of world I'd want to bring about. If Churchill hadn't put the kibosh on that
here I imagine I'd be living in America right now.
There's a quiet sound of breathing on the phone, but I wait for him to speak. Germany is a good deal more monarchical than Britain, with power genuinely centred on the Kaiser. Unlike in Britain, where the monarch has the power to dismiss ministers on the understanding that they never
do, the Kaiser holds that power in practice. And with
German expansion being a complete success in this timeline there isn't much chance of that changing. As for the call… Well, this is hardly the first foreign head of state that I've spoken to, though the only communication I've had from the Kaiser before was a congratulations telegram after our first successful orbit.
Expecting a second one after we put the British flag on the moon would probably have been a bit much.
"Mister Talwyn."
He can't see me, but I incline my head slightly anyway. "Your Majesty. Thank you for speaking with me."
"You have my condolences for the attack. I trust that you are well?"
"A few bruises. Nothing serious."
"Rest assured, Mister von Spreti's action was not undertaken on the order of my government."
"I would have been extremely surprised if it was. Does your government have any idea why he did it?"
"We are making enquiries. It is too early to say for certain. Has he said anything?"
"His jaw is broken in two places. We've provided him with treatment of course, but it's unlikely that he's going to be capable of having a conversation for a few weeks."
"How is the rest of the German party?"
"Cuts and bruises. A young lieutenant had a couple of bones in his hand broken, but they've been set. We haven't finished interrogating them yet, but between the initial reports and their obvious surprise when it happens I doubt that they know anything."
"What is the intention of the British government regarding this incident?"
"Well, if it was not ordered by your government-."
"The German Empire does not carry out assassinations in peacetime."
I smile at the qualifier. "I am happy to take your word for it, your majesty, but I know that the American government
does. But as I was saying, since it wasn't ordered by your government, the British government is simply going to expel them. But von Spreti tried to murder me."
"You wish to interrogate him once he is recovered."
"We wish to put him on trial. And the first step towards that is asking you to remove his diplomatic immunity. I don't imagine that would be a problem, since he was not acting on your government's order."
"What is the usual punishment in Britain for what he has done?"
"While the maximum punishment for Attempted Murder is life imprisonment, I suspect that he would receive a shorter sentence if he cooperates with the investigation. I believe that ten years is the sentence usually handed down."
"Ten years. That is entirely proportionate. I will agree to remove his immunity. The official paperwork will be with your ambassador within two days."
"Thank you, your majesty."
"I trust that we will not have to replace the entire embassy?"
"Of course not, your majesty. That would be a foolish overreaction to the actions of one man."
"I am pleased to hear it. Will embassy access be granted to Mister von Spreti?"
"Of course, though given his situation I'm afraid that it will be monitored. He will after all only be a diplomatic official for another two days."
"Of course. I understand that you gave him a…
Gift before his outburst."
"I realise that returning gifts to the person who gave them to you is a little gauche, but under the circumstances I felt it was appropriate. Britain has no desire to possess fission bombs or warheads. Ah. They're currently being held in a secure warehouse near the testing site, but if your new ambassador would like to arrange for them to be picked up, we will make them available."
"Given the nature of the… 'Gift', I would like to arrange for an armed escort. A platoon of paratroopers to accompany two transportation aircraft directly to the site."
"That would be acceptable. Please make sure that they have up to date passports."
Mister Evans give me a mildly pained look.
"I will leave the details to the War Ministry. The last matter I believe that we need to discuss is how this affects our access to your arms catalogue."
"Barring Mister von Spreti's interrogation turning up something strange, it doesn't. International politics requires that we supply you in order to ensure that the Americans don't start pushing. Though I'm afraid that you may have been lowered slightly in the order of precedence."
"Based on the earliest reports I have received, I believe that I would like to suggest an alternative. Your country uses a great deal of uranium. We have recently discovered new deposits in our eastern territories. Ordinarily, they would be purely for domestic consumption, but since you are dedicated to the peaceful exploitation of fission technology, I believe that we could make an exception for Britain."
I smile, and almost despite himself Mr. Evans does as well. Not having to ship the stuff halfway around the world? Thank you
very much. "Thank you, your majesty. I believe that will do nicely."
