Also missing end quote.
Primary meaning of "awhile" is "for a while"; "a while" is preferable here.
remove
This seems to be missing a word, like "a good way to get their license revoked"
The "we'll" is unnecessarily repeated.
itself
"it led well outside of the solar system" still has the extra "of"
Probably not. Most non-euclidean geometry is not any more difficult to visually grasp than euclidean geometry. Really, they're just different methods of labeling coordinates, that might have some different implications on how objects act assuming they remain more or less consistent in regards to the coordinate system being used. The whole idea of non-euclidean geometry innately being more eldritch or difficult to map/track objects defined by such is an unfortunate result from Lovecraft's work, and while properly used, non-euclidean geometry could help enhance the alien nature of a place, what's really needed to get the effects people tend to think of when they hear "non-euclidean geometry" is actually 4+ dimensional space, which quite frankly also works to cause such outcomes if one is using euclidean geometry. Keep in mind that in this context I mean dimensions in the sense of width, depth, and height, not in the sense of alternate planes of existence (also time is not being counted as a dimension in this sense, though it could be used as one for additional confusion).
I'd actually suggest that rather than ignoring gender, they give a extra points if you pick the gender not matching your normal one. This would presumably result in changing genders on transformation which would thus be worth the extra points. Normally an argument might be made that that might be desirable of an outcome (and really that could be argued for a number of features that give extra points), but given slut life already lets people customize their body heavily, including changing their gender, it's rather likely the person will already be their preferred gender at the start, and can find other ways to swap gender at will that don't require being stuck as one gender while fighting enemies if they really want the option to toggle between the two (of course at that point they could probably go both magical boy and magical girl to end up with a magic powered form of each gender, but they'd still be stuck using the appropriate one for the given job slot).
There are no general grammar errors in dialogue otherwise though. As for why it's not OK, "outside" is used as a preposition here. When "inside" and "outside" are used as nouns they can be followed by "of" to indicate a possessive, but prepositions can't. "The inside of the barrel was coated in rust" is correct, but "there were bricks inside the barrel" must not have additional "of".
The main difference between "a while" and "awhile" is:
Technically, he did not. "Awhile" is a separate and distinct word from the words "a" and"while" even if there is a notable overlap in meaning due to shared etymological roots, and likely development.
ok... now you're just taunting. She got a gun probably what she planned for but we don't KNOW, not for certain anyway. Also I feel that I must point out, if Taylor's magical girl form is 12 a full sized sniper rifle may prove.... I won't say impossible, but lets go with difficult, to fire, or even hold properly. If you are planning to have her using her new magical girl powers in and out of magical girl form it may be wise to have the gun manifest at a scale size when she's magical girl and full size when not. Just food for thought.
Her hand might be too small to fit around the grip and pull the trigger. Bullshit is great but lets try not to ignore something obvious and easily fixed by just scaling the magically constructed weapon as apropriate.
Scaling the whole gun down may drastically reduce it's effectiveness. That said, certain relevant pieces, such as the grip and trigger could have the size adjusted without impairing the functionality of the gun the way changing the barrel and caliber of rounds would.
Ok fair, that does make a bit more sense than what I was suggesting and would limit exposition to the bare minimum if the author decides to clarify the point.
I didn't get the impression of padding, but I was annoyed at the way the girls seemed to be getting exploited. I mean, there's some inherent exploitation involved in speed-growing a clone and indenturing them to a television show where they are coerced into having sex on live television, but even besides that and taking into account that Taylor was herself coerced into signing away her virginity the person shepherding the twins through the process was remarkably cavalier about enticing them with frivolities. I guess it's not terribly unrealistic, since SL has a vested interest here in convincing these girls to sign on the dotted line by any means necessary, but compounded with the scummy way Taylor was railroaded into the program herself I'm amazed that Slut Life hasn't gone bankrupt from all the lawsuits that anyone who wasn't a naive, exploitable teenager would be filing in response to all this.
You have no idea.
The twins don't get a choice about signing the dotted line, but they don't mind because that's how they were programmed.
That will be a shitstorm. Personally, I think she should get extra powers out of the deal. Telepathy would be my choice, but then I like OP!Taylor setups. Plus, there are a possible total of six she could get as a reward. That or a combat spaceship. Snipe Ziz from Lunar Orbit or some shit.
That will be a shitstorm. Personally, I think she should get extra powers out of the deal. Telepathy would be my choice, but then I like OP!Taylor setups. Plus, there are a possible total of six she could get as a reward. That or a combat spaceship. Snipe Ziz from Lunar Orbit or some shit.
True. I forgot about the perfected power. Heh, could you imagine a Perfected Alexandria Twin Package?
Unless there was something about them in Ward those are fanon.
"A New Magical Girl CYOA" said:
"A New Magical Girl CYOA" said:
From the wiki:
You were saying?
The man's not lying.
The Wiki is not reliable, in this case the cite for that
1) From the cite:
You were saying?