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OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

Reader mode
Negi and Mordred.

"Before we start working together, Master," his Servant said in a very serious tone, "I need to learn a few things about you, and you'd better be honest, as I hate lies! Tell me, what is your greatest wish? What will you do with the Holy Grail once we seize it?"

"My dream," Negi repeated. He broke into a faraway smile. "My biggest longing is finding my long lost father, and then… and then…" He broke off, unable to finish the sentence.

"Ah, say no more!" Saber said. "There's no need to be ashamed, for I understand you perfectly! I won't judge you."

He nodded. "Of course you would, wouldn't you, Saber? That must be why you were drawn to me. We must be alike…"

"Aye!" Saber said firmly. "You wish to engage your father in a duel to the death, spill his blood, and rightfully take what he denied you, your heritage!"

Negi stared at the knight in horror.

"Is there something the problem?" Saber asked.

"I… I don't want to do that!" Negi said. "I want to hug my father and never let go of him again!"

"… ah," Saber said. "Ah, so you have that kind of father! I didn't know those existed for real…!"

"We'll need a lot of effort to make this relationship work," Negi realized.
 
Collective Thought.

They sat by the poolside, enjoying the sun.

That was, until Saotome opened her big mouth.

"You know, we really are more like a collective than a harem," Haruna said.

"I don't want to talk about this!" Chisame said, without opening her eyes.

"Just think about it!" Haruna said. "In a harem, there's a single male for all the girls, but in a collective, there are options for everyone, so other males are allowed as well. And free love for all is a possibility. We have several men in the team, and we are physically and emotionally close to all of them, so all of them are our boyfriends, and all of us are their girlfriends, and all of us are girlfriends to each other, and all of them are-- well, we'll need to work on that last part," she said, taking a finger to her mouth.

Chisame punched her in the head. "You creepy pervert! I'm not your wimpy boyfriend's girlfriend!"

"He's actually groped you more times than Negi-kun, though, hasn't he?" Haruna asked, rubbing the bump on her head.

"...!" Chisame said, horrified.

Negi approached, swimming with Kotaro. "Hey, girls, why don't you join us in?" the boy teacher invited them. "The water is delicious! Very fresh!"

Chisame grabbed his hand and forced it to come around her breast.
 
Aquam Sub Ponte.

When Arthur exited the sea and began walking up the seashore, he saw a woman with blue hair standing there, as if waiting for him.

"Greetings, mortal!" she said haughtily. "I am the Goddess Aqua! I come from Mundus Magicus, brought by one of my worshippers, and I have caught sight of your disrespectful ways!"

Arthur opened his mouth to speak, but she silenced him with a gesture. "Listen! You have invoked my wrath by calling yourself Aqua-man without my permission! What will people think?! They'll believe you are my man, of course! Unacceptable! Not that you're bad looking at all, you're much better than Kazuma or Keiichi, but still! You are to compensate me by opening temples in honor to my cult all over Atlantis! These temples will pay tribute to me regularly! Also, you must change your name starting today! I have been kind enough as to supply you with a list of alternatives!"

She pulled a long roll of paper from behind her back and began reading aloud from it. "Mermaid Man, Captain Fishy, Talks-to-Fish-Man, Sub-Mariner, Water Man, Hydro-Man, Seaman, Sea King, The Man from Atlantis, Mr. Underwater, Lieutenant High Wave, Undersea Stud, Dolphin, Captain Nemo, Atlantic Wond-- MMMPHHHH!"

---

"-- and then he just swam away, huh?" Keiichi deadpanned. "I've gotta admit, that was kind of rude from him."

"HMMMPHHH MMMPPPH MMMPHHH!" Aqua nodded her vigorous agreement, with a large fish stuffed in her mouth.

Kazuma frowned, staring at her list. "Like half of these are taken already!"
 
OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Vampire Hunter D.

"Don't worry," he calmly told the gasping lady who was looking at their figures in the full body mirror. "It's just that I am half vampire."

Only the lower half of his body was visible in said mirror, from the waist down.
 
Coming Out.

"Do you believe it?" one of the girls is asking Maizono-san. "What she said? That all of this has been magic?"

I like girls. I really like girls. Not all of them, of course, I've got standards. You'd think this has nothing to do with that, but it's the same principle.

All of us are sitting around Maizono-san, the hot and popular idol from Honnouji, and in her presence, our differences don't matter. Naru-chan has always said that 'No good can come out when you put people from Mahora, CLAMP, Ohtori and Honnouji together!' but even she is here now, by my side, like always. Luna sits on Naru-chan's lap, paying attention to every word, as she should.

"What? Oh, no, no no!" Maizono-san laughs musically. "That's just silly! Those people are surely just mutants, and some of the tricks are smoke and mirrors, no doubt..."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Kirigiri-san says quietly. "There seems to be no logical point on attempting to pass mutations as supernatural phenomena in this day and age. A quick genetic analysis would disprove the notion."

"C'mon, Kyoko-chan!" Asahina-san says. "You, of all people, believing magic could exist?!" She then sighs and smiles. "But it'd be dreamy if it could...!"

"Magic does exist, and I've always known," Saeki-senpai says firmly, and her two cronies nod. "Today's events are clear proof! I knew I was in the right track all this time!"

I can see Chitoge-san is nervous and uneasy herself, all of a sudden. I wonder why. She always acted sure of herself so far.

Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Luna told me that the duty of a Sailor Senshi is lifelong. Will I have to just shut up and lie forever?

"I think I'd rather be surrounded by mages than by mutants," that girl from the band, Tainaka Ritsu, says. "At least you can learn magic, you know? To level the playing field."

"What makes you so certain that you or any of us could learn magic even if it existed?" Misaka-san asks, seeing a bit pissed off now for some reason.

Ritsu shrugs. "I mean, people are born mutants, but they aren't born with magic, magic can be learned. You can arm yourself with magic to protect yourself from an evil mage, but you can't make yourself a mutant to protect yourself from evil mutants! I'd feel much safer if I had magic!"

"You always can throw yourself into a nuclear reactor," Shirai-san comments bitterly. "You might get a mutation that way!"

"What about the Harry Potter movies?" Hirasawa Yui asks her friend. "There you are born with magic!"

"You still have to go to school to master magic, and life is not a Harry Potter movie, Yui-chan," Ritsu sighs. "If mages were born with powers then they wouldn't be mages, they'd be mutants!"

I hate to admit it but I see no flaws in her logic. What does that say about me?

Yui pouts. "If magic's gonna force us to attend another school on top of the one we already have, then it can't be so good!"

"True, true," Asahina-san nods.

"Oh, you girls...!" Maizono-san laughs oh so charmingly. She is so beautiful. I think I could fall in love with her.

But I never could tell her. Not after Rei-chan.

"What about you, Tsukino-san?" Ritsu asks me. "Do you believe in magic?"

I can feel Luna growing taunt as she looks at me.

There's a faint pain in my chest that grows sharper quick.

"I... I believe," I say after a moment.

Okay, now that's not a lie. It never was. I always was dumb and naive. I never doubted Sailor V was a real Magical Girl, and not a mutant or alien or whatnot. I can still play being another muggle, very easily. Just like when I smile and nod and gawk at those pictures pretty boys in bands, giggling about them with the girls. The same pictures I have taking so much room in my phone, even though I have no use for them for fooling myself and others.

But, should I?

Maybe this is the start of a new era.

Maybe this Chao Lingshen is onto something. Maybe she is right.

Maybe we shouldn't hide. As if we were criminals. As if we'd done something wrong just by being born this way.

The girls look at me, waiting for my answer.

Is this going to keep on happening to magical people after us?

"Why do you believe, Usagi-san?" Yuuna-san asks, her tone a bit pointed.

How long has this happened to people like us, and long before us? How many have suffered in silence, hiding their gifts? Their nature? All for what?

Did any of that result in a better world?

Chitoge-san makes a soft, muted choked sound. As if she wanted to speak herself. Now I think I understand her. Nobody else seems to be paying any attention her.

Aren't we supposed to fight injustices? If this just and fair to anyone? Forcing everyone to live a lie with no end in sight, for anyone?

We are all caged in opposite sides of this mess.

"Usagi-chan?" Asahina-san asks, concerned. "Are... Do you feel okay?"

Naru frowns to herself. I'm so sorry, Naru-chan. I'm so sorry, Luna. I really am!

But I'm just so tired of hiding. Hiding all through my life, one way or another.

My mind is made. My stupid mind. I know I'll regret this later. But I'll regret any decision I make, anyway.

Luna tenses up, and then she tries to jump on my face. Naru-chan grabs her by the tail before she can make the jump. Thanks, Naru-chan.

I stretch my hand ahead, and say the words.

"Moon Prism Power. Make up."

The power flows out. My body and soul sing, thanking me.

I am free.
 
Let it Flow.

Louise walked up to Rito.

"Mr. Yuuki," she told him. "Forgive me."

"Over what?" He blinked at her.

"I've just grown rather furious at Negi and Chisame," she said. "But Negi is just a child, I cannot possibly hit him."

"Of course not, what is there to apologize for?"

The pink haired girl raised a hand to slow him down. "And I can't pick a fight with Chisame either, that wouldn't be ladylike!"

"Yeah, and...?"

She began hitting him with her riding crop. "BUT I STILL NEED TO VENT OUT SOMEWAY...!"

They really needed to find Chamo soon, Rito realized. This was supposed to be HIS job!
 
The 108 Girlfriends who Really, Like Really, I mean it, Man, Really Love You, Dude.

---

Last time, we had left Aijo Rentarou, after capturing the hearts of Karane, Hakari and Shizuka, going to the new house of his long estranged uncle Hiro, who had just recently moved to Academy City. Morisato Keiichi and Hasegawa Sora from Ala Alba were there as well, to help him fix the old house. They were greeted by Rentarou's young cousin Chiyo, who immediately felt the 'love jolt' all of Rentarou's girlfriends have felt so far...

---

"Oh, you even made enough tea for all of us, Chiyo-chan!" an impressed Sora said. All four of them sat at the main table now, surrounded by many unpackaged boxes. "And snacks, too...!"

"I believe in always being ready for anything," the little girl said, filling a glass for Keiichi after serving the others. "That way nothing can take you by surprise."

"Uncle Hiro raised you well," Rentarou said approvingly. "He told me that you were a Class Rep back in Tomobiki?"

The black haired girl blushed, and then nodded. "Y-Yes. But it's not a big deal, really... Anyone can be a Class Rep as long as they keep a clear mind and don't let their feelings interfere with the role, or hold grudges against any classmates. From there, all you have to do is work hard..."

A large shared thought balloon with an image of Ayaka fighting Asuna while Negi gasped in the background appeared over the heads of Sora, Rentarou and Keiichi. They sweatdropped.

"Dad... Dad has told me about you, as well," Chiyo added, keeping her gaze low but focused on Rentarou. "He told me about how you saved his life..."

"Eh? You never told us about that, Aijo-kun!" Keiichi said.

"That was nothing!" Rentarou laughed, scratching the back of his head. "I was just lucky to be in the right place at the right time!"

Ten Years Ago:

"There he is!" the large man sitting in the passenger's seat of the truck said. "Waste 'im!"

"Right!" the sinister driver said, then quickly steered the massive vehicle towards the unassuming man crossing the street. This hapless looking fellow blinked, then stared at the gigantic monster charging towards him.

"EEEEEEEEEE!"

A little boy jumped from the sidewalk, pushing him out of the truck's way. "Uncle Hiro! Watch out...!"

Keiichi blinked. "Wow! You're a real hero, Aijo-kun! You could have been Yu Yu Hakusho'ed!"

"I'm telling you, it was not a big deal!" Rentarou said. "I wasn't even thinking, I wasn't even that aware of death by then! Uncle kinda likes to exaggerate that incident anyway..."

Chiyo rasped primly into a fist. "Did he? Or was what came then true as well?"

"What came-- Ahhh," Rentarou said. "Ah ha ha, yeah, that happened too, but..."

Ten Years Ago, but Two Minutes After:

"Motherfucker, how could you miss!" the first man told the driver. "A brat could act faster than you!? Ram 'im again! Waste 'em both!"

"Roger!" the driver said, turning the wheel around and steering the truck against the man and boy once more.

"Ah, it's outta control, Uncle!" Chibi-Rentarou whined, pushing his confused uncle out of harm's way a second time. "Look out!"

"You saved him TWICE!" Sora gushed. "And at such a short age! Not even Negi-kun was that brave when he was six!"

"Negi-kun?" Chiyo blinked.

Rentarou scratched his chin with a finger, tilting his eyes up. "I still wonder what was up with that truck... The brakes must have been really broken..."

"You... You mean you don't remember?" Chiyo asked. "Dad also told me of what happened right after..."

Ten Years Ago, but Two Minutes after the Second Flashback, so Four Minutes after the First Flashback. Probably at the same time Negi was being born and Gilgamesh was killing Iskandar, too:

"You useless faggot!" the first man in the truck growled, getting out of the truck with a bleeding forehead and a gun in a hand. The driver couldn't object, however, since he was currently knocked out after crashing against a wall, his face resting on the inflated airbag. The first man aimed the gun at the terrified Hiro. "The boss will ice us if we don't kill this geek today! So say your prayers, geek! Nobody's gonna save you n--"

"Uncle Hiro, beware!" Chibi-Rentarou said, throwing himself at the gunman's legs and making him lose balance. "This is a movie bad guy!"

The large man swore, fell backwards, and hit his head against the pavement the right way, knocking him out.

"..." Sora and Keiichi said.

Rentarou blinked. "Ah, yes, that happened too, didn't it? All this time I was thinking it was something I saw in a movie, but I guess I was misremembering..."

"Dad... Dad's job made him a lot of enemies back in the day, but thankfully those days are long before us now," Chiyo said meekly, pushing her glasses up. "Now that we've moved into a civilized cultural center like Academy City, nobody will bother us here anymore..."

Oh, no! Sora pleaded desperately in her mind. Oh please, don't say that! You've just jinxed it! She was Chisame's sister after all.

"Thank you so very much for saving my father, Rentarou-san!" Chiyo bowed very deeply to him. "I'll be indebted to you forever!"

"Oh, don't say that!" Rentarou said, patting her head and making her blush again. "That's what relatives are there for, right? Now that I've eaten these snacks and drank this delicious tea, I feel super charged and ready to help you clean this house! So let's get to it, right, Senpais?"

Keiichi smiled and dusted his hands off. "Right!"

Sora smiled as well. "Just tell us where to start, Chiyo-chan!"

"Ah, ah, well!" the tiny girl said uneasily, briefly taking her large glasses off and putting them back just as soon. "We, we could start from the garage and make our way here, I suppose..."

She only hoped those two wouldn't leave her alone with Rentarou-san at any point.

She honestly wouldn't know what to do about it.
 
Papa's Preliminaries.

Mahorafest Tournament:

"Daddy!" Haruna laughed, throwing herself at the redhead and hugging her. "I saw all of your fights! You were awesome! Congrats for making it in!"

"Ah, yeah, thank you, Haruna-chan..." Ranma said. "It just that, well..."

Haruna blinked. "What's wrong, Daddy? Why aren't you happy?"

"Your father received like seven invitations for dinner and two marriage proposals today," Nabiki explained. "Six from fans, and three from some of the guys he fought today."

"Ah," Haruna said. "Did you accept any of them?"

Nabiki smiled and patted her daughter's head. "You don't have any plans tonight, do you?"

---

The man blinked as he saw his date, the brown haired woman with her, and the girl they'd brought along eating ravenously right in front of him.

He glanced back at the waiter and made a really miserable face.

The waiter only shrugged his shoulders.
 
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Nagi's Secret.

After everything was said and done, after the last enemy was vanquished and the last fallen was put to rest—in Negi's particular conflict, anyway, since it looked like the war between Batman and the Joker would never end—Batman visited Joker in Arkham once again.

"That was a fun enough side project, wasn't it?" the clown asked, merrily sitting on his bunk, and hugging his knees against himself. "But it sure took a lot of time from us. Let's put the focus back on our own milieu next time. Maybe I'll kill one of your sidekicks for an encore. This ongoing caper has softened me a bit too much, methinks."

"In the event you are congratulating yourself over breaking the boy's spirit, even if indirectly, it won't work," Batman said tersely. "He's got allies who will keep him standing even after losing his father. And he's also got protectors from other worlds. Ones you'll never be able to fight through now."

"The same can be said about you, and yet we always find ways to strike at you," Joker sneered. "But no, I've spent too much time on that brat anyway. This is our story, not his. I'd have liked to shape him into the next perfect villain, someone to carry on after I'm gone, but maybe I'll never be gone anyway. So there's no point."

"Even if you aren't, there'll always be a Batman and a Robin to stop you," the living shadow in the cell warned.

"I'm counting on that," Joker grinned. "But anyway, Negi never got it, did he? What everyone else got. Or maybe he gets it, he just has to look at the timeline, but he'll never admit it. Just as fine! We only can achieve true happiness through denial."

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Bats." A long thin white finger was wagged. "You know it too. His father never loved him. No wonder he could pass away in peace, something no father leaving a young child behind could do. No matter whom are they leaving him with."

The Batman's eyes narrowed.

Joker chuckled. "He charged against Ialda, on his own, right after his son's birth! He was so afraid of taking a life of responsibility, looking after a child on his own! He'd rather tackle certain death! Maybe he loved the woman, enough as to see no point on living without her, but the boy? He abandoned him! Don't tell me it was because Ialda needed stopping! Because he could've taken anyone else with him! Instead, he chose the worst possible way to do it!"

"He did save him five years ago," Batman pointed out. "Against Ialda's will."

"Oh, that's just him being a hero," Joker snorted, flinching a toe against the mattress. "I don't doubt that all the while, desperately, he wanted to tell himself he did love the boy, as much as he'd loved his mother. Just to keep some sense of self within that… thing. You know something about doing things just because they are the heroic thing to do, don't you?"

The Batman only glared at him.

"Relax," Joker plopped onto his back, folding his arms behind his neck. "I'll never tell him. There's no point. He'd never listen, and like I told you, odds are he knows already. So what if he's happy. He's not real anyway, not the way you and I are."

He laughed under his breath.

"Not the way you and I are!" he repeated, and then the laughter became an all encompassing, horrible thing, hammering and echoing all through the madhouse.

By this point, Batman was gone.

The Batmobile sped away from Arkham.
 
Sleep Well!

Visit hours were limited, and since Tosaka didn't trust Negi, Kotaro, Rito or Tsukuyomi around the slaves, they'd sent Yue today, to deliver some snacks and answer the assorted questions.

"So, I forgot to ask the last time," Misa said while she and Madoka chewed on some sweet buns. "How is Negi-kun coping with the nightmares? Still sneaking into a different bed every night, right?"

"Um, not exactly," Yue said.

Madoka blinked. "Oh, so he's cured of the habit already?"

"No," Yue said. "Louise says a Familiar needs to sleep in the same room as its master every night, and Chisame doesn't trust them to be in the same bed, so they've been sleeping together all through these weeks."

Misa clenched a sudden hideous grin, and then she took a hand to her collar. After a pair of strong, firm tugs and a massive jolt of electricity, she crushed the thing between her fingers.

"AHHHH!" Madoka gasped. "It was THIS easy the whole time?!-?!"
 
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Crappily Ever After, Part 1
  • Threadmarks
    • The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really Love You is the creation and intellectual property of Nakamura Rikito, Nozawa Yukiko and Shueisha.

    All other characters and franchises mentioned in this story are the intellectual properties of their respective copyright and trademark holders.


    Crappily Ever After.


    Based on The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really Love You's 'Rentarou's Fairytail Family' extra chapter.


    Once upon a time, in a far, far away land, there lived five little adorable creatures, each one as small as a finger. Well, actually, there were four little adorable creatures and a very mean and perverted little creature.

    "Oh, shut up, you!" Harulina said.

    These five sisters lived in a huge library, reading books all day long, and their names were Harulina, Yuelina, Nodolina, Shizulina and Shiorilina. But they were all so cute, that one day, a large toad stole them away.

    "W-Wait a minute!" Yuelina protested. "What was a toad doing in a library to start with?!"

    She was reading Kenneth Grahamme, of course, what kind of question is that? Anyway, this ol' toad took the girls to a swamp, intending to marry them to her sons. But a large stag beetle flew by, and found them to be so cute that it stole them away from the toad, flying away with them!

    "This is some Bondage Fairies shit, isn't it?" Harulina asked. "I know it is! There are things even I won't do! I draw the line at any small animals that are more repulsive than Chamo!"

    That wasn't exactly a low bar to clear, so eventually the five sisters were pushed into marrying five mole brothers, from what I hear.

    "I, I don't think I like this fairy tale a whole lot!" Shiorilina sobbed.


    Once upon a time, in a far, far away land, there also lived four other sisters, in a cabin in the woods, with their hapless father and their heartless stepmother. Their names were Satsukel, Indexel, Artoriel and Kurutel.

    Satsukel was a chubby little angel who cooked remarkably well, and her sisters loved her food and never could have enough of it. But their evil stepmother was on a strict diet, so she abandoned the girls in the woods.

    "Fear not, Sisters!" Satsukel said gently. "I brought a large bag of bread," she added, holding an empty bag up, "and left crumbs all the way from home. We only need to follow the trail of crumbs and we'll be back with Father in no time!"

    "Oh, so that's why there were delicious crumbs all behind you?" Indexel said, stuffing her mouth. "You should have warned us in advance!"

    "I'm afraid that we ate them all. Such a disgrace," Artoriel said, stoically wiping her mouth with the back of a hand. "We apologize most dearly, Beloved Sister."

    "Don't you have any seconds? I'm hungry again," Kurutel asked, still munching a last mouthful.

    Satsukel blinked, and then, all saintly patience exhausted, threw the empty bag on Kurutel's face.

    Kurutel ate the bag down. "Oh, it still had a few crumbs in it!"

    So the sisters kept walking down the woods, until they found a house made of gingerbread.

    Indexel, Artoriel and Kurutel ate the whole house on the spot. The witch who lived there then tried to kill them, from what I hear. Satsukel offered to bake a new house for her, but the witch didn't have that kind of patience...

    "Artoriel, you're good at killing witches, aren't you?!" Indexel cried. "Do something!"

    "I cannot! This is Mad Madam Mim! She's got my number since I was naught but a young boy...!"


    Once upon a time, in a far, far away land, there also lived four OTHER lovely sisters, who liked to wear red hoods and labcoats of SCIENCE! So everybody called them Little Red Riding Kusuri, Little Red Riding Satomi, Little Red Riding Sawako and Little Red Riding Rika, probably because Little Labcoat Riding Kusuri, Little Labcoat Riding Satomi, Little Labcoat Riding Sawako and Little Labcoat Riding Rika didn't have the same ring to it.

    One day, their mother sent the girls to visit their grandmother, who lived in a non-gingerbread cabin in the woods. In their little baskets, they carried udon made by Little Red Riding Sawako's girlfriend, and also meat buns made by Little Red Riding Satomi's girlfriend.

    "What?! O-O-Ogata Rizu isn't my girlfriend!" Little Red Riding Sawako protested.

    They arrived at Grandma's cabin, finding her in bed and wearing her favorite bedrobe and sleeping bonnet. However, it didn't take a genius to notice something was very wrong with her.

    "Granny! What big ears you have, yep yep!" Little Red Riding Kusuri said.

    "Yes," Grandma said, "the better to hear you."

    "Grandmother!" Little Red Riding Satomi said, adjusting her glasses. "What a large nose you have! Peculiarly similar to that of a Canis lupus!"

    "Yes," Grandma said. "The better to smell you."

    "Granny! What strong, firm arms you have!" Little Red Riding Rika said, drooling. "Have you been working out?"

    "Yes," Grandma said. "The better to hug you!"

    "Ooohhhh, Granny...!" Little Red Riding Rika cooed. "You've just awakened a new fetish in Rika...!"

    Little Red Riding Sawako gulped. "Grandma... Your mouth... It, it looks just too-"

    "Oooh, I see!" Little Red Riding Kusuri said. "You drank a drug to turn you into a lycanthrope, didn't you? What a remarkable invention, Granny!"

    Fed up with this by then, the wolf grabbed her and stuffed her down his mouth. And so, the sisters were tricked and gobbled up by him, from what I hear.

    "Gwaaaaaakkk!" Little Red Riding Kusuri yelled, only her lower half peeking out of the wolf's mouth. Her skirt was pulled down as her legs kicked around; so her poofy white bloomers were in full sight.

    "Ohhhh!" Little Red Riding Rika panted, with large red hearts in her eyes. "Vore...!"

    ---

    To be Continued, from what I hear.
     
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  • Threadmarks
    • Crappily Ever After, Part 2
  • Threadmarks
    • Once upon a time, in the same far, far away land, there lived two ragged, manly woodsmen. One day, one of them went into the woods—since he was a WOODSman—and lost his axe while napping under a tree.

    When he woke up, he looked for it desperately, all around, until he found a gorgeous, big breasted woman holding an axe made of gold. "I'm Hahari, the Fairy of the Woods," she told him. "Tell me, good man, is this the axe you lost?"

    "No," he said. "No, I had a perfectly normal axe."

    She smiled and handed him the axe made of gold. "This is yours now. Take good care of it."

    The man returned home, and his friend asked him about the golden axe. So the first man told him about that now forgotten series of SEGA beat 'em ups programmed for the arcades and Sega Mega Drive/Genesis.

    The next day, the second woodsman went into the woods. He threw his axe away, napped under a tree, and when he woke up, the axe was gone.

    The same gorgeous woman from the day before appeared to him, holding another golden axe. "I'm Hahari, the Fairy of the Woods! Tell me, good man, is this—"

    "Wait a second!" another gorgeous, shapely woman, this one with long blonde hair and mismatched eyes, stormed in, carrying a platinum axe. "I'm Arika, the real Fairy of the Woods! I'm supposed to test wanderers and countrymen, not you!"

    "What?! No, that's my job!" said another stunningly beautiful woman, with light brown hair and glasses. "I'm Mari, the Fairy of the Woods! I come to uphold the test of the axe!" she said, hefting a silver axe.

    "Silver?!" Fairy Arika said in disbelief. "You can't allow yourself a better axe?!"

    "It's not my fault, my worthless son wastes all our money on galge!"

    "Ah ha ha ha!" laughed a stunning woman with long black hair and glasses, surrounded by a group of tiny frogs and carrying a diamond-encrusted axe. "I'm afraid there's been a misunderstanding! I'm Aki, the Fairy of the Woods, and this is my job…!"

    The man bristled, and then pulled out another huge axe he'd brought along. Unfortunately, fairies are weak to metal, as Angelina Jolie's Maleficent movie has taught us, and this axe was made of tempered steel. So all four fairies were successfully attacked with the axe, from what I hear.

    "You useless frogs!" Fairy Arika shouted. "You are no help at all!"

    ---

    To be continued, from what I hear.
     
  • Threadmarks
    • Crappily Ever After, Part 3
  • Threadmarks
    • Once upon a time, in another town of the same far, far away land, there lived four girls who were good friends. Their names were Ikuren, Mikaren, Himikaren, and Lalatina.

    "My name is Darkness!" Lalatina protested.

    Ikuren played baseball, although baseball hadn't been invented yet so she was the only girl in her team, and people would wonder why she would keep on throwing balls and hitting them with sticks. Mikaren was a nurse. Lalatina was the oldest of them, a tall and strong blonde. Himikaren was fat and wore glasses.

    "What a rude way to describe me!" Himikaren sobbed.

    "My name is Darkness!" Lalatina insisted.

    These four girls once saw a limited time offer of precious red shoes in a store, and pooled their money together to buy them. They were very proud of these shiny red shoes, and they wore them everywhere. That Sunday, they brought them to the church.

    "Hey!" Sister Misora told them. "You can't wear those to hear mass! You must wear black shoes!"

    But the girls didn't pay her any attention and walked in, very proud of their pretty red shoes. So God punished them, because He was the God of the Old Testament and that Fellow doesn't mess around. He cursed them to dance forever, day and night, as long as they wore the red shoes.

    "Nngghh!" Ikuren growled. "This is some harsh training! I like it!"

    "Ahhhh!" Lalatina gushed. "I feel like my feet are bleeding! And I told you to call me Darkness!"

    "The shame! The pain!" Mikaren cried while Hiyori pointed and laughed at her. "Ohhhh, it's so despairing…!"

    "I only hope Komi-san isn't seeing this…!" Himikaren panted as she danced.

    "… guys, seriously," Sister Misora said, sweatdropping. "You only need to take the shoes off."

    But they liked it so much that they wore the shoes and danced until they died, from what I hear.

    "This crap is really screwed up!" Sister Misora decided, facepalming. Sister Cocone only nodded silently.

    ---

    To be continued, from what I hear.
     
  • Threadmarks
    • Classified.

    "Itsuki-san," Mikuru said. "What have you just done?"

    "Exactly what is necessary at the time," Itsuki said, gently letting Kyon's limp body down on the floor, after supporting his dead weight on himself. "He's seen too much already. He can't see or hear the rest of it. There's no telling what he could do if he learns that magic actually exists."

    "But—" Asahina began objecting. "Surely, there was another way!"

    "No," Nagato said mechanically. "Suzumiya Haruhi has betrayed us. We should have foreseen that she would act this way in a situation of this kind. Especially you. It would seem that Kimidori was correct and human feelings were an obstacle for this task."

    "Are, are you leaving him with me?!" Mikuru whined, kneeling behind Kyon and resting his head on her. He would have appreciated the gesture, had he been conscious. "What will I do if he wakes up?!"

    "Knock him out again," Koizumi said, frowning as he stared at the noisy crowds quickly moving across the Mahorafest. "We know you can do it."

    "What, what if we can't revert this?!" Asahina demanded. "Are you going to keep him unconscious forever?!"

    "If necessary, I suppose," Yuki said, putting her glasses back on. Where had she kept them all this time? "Depending on the Overmind's decisions on the subject, of course."

    She and Koizumi began moving back towards the masses, without looking back.

    "W-Wait!" Mikuru begged. "Let's discuss this first! We're supposed to be w-working in tandem, right?! My opinion counts here as well…! This course of action is too hast--!"

    Yuki glanced sharply back at her, over her shoulder. "Has this brought a change to your timeline, or were you aware of this outcome all through our alliance?" she asked mercilessly. "Were you sent to monitor this event specifically? Or to allow it happen, regardless of consequences?"

    Mikuru blinked, paling slightly. Then her lips tightened. Her delicate white brow furrowed. And when she spoke again, it was coldly as Yuki's own tone.

    "That," she said in that alien voice, "is classified information."

    "I didn't expect for anything else," Koizumi said, starting to move again. Nagato said nothing else, and in seconds they had both stepped out, melting into the nervous and chattering onlookers and witnesses.

    Mikuru just sat there, holding Kyon against herself.

    "I'm sorry," she whispered to him, and closed her eyes.
     
    Cosplay and Consequences, Part One
  • Threadmarks
    • Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.


    Unequally Rational and Emotional Mahorafest Special.


    Cosplay and Consequences.


    "Ah, Chisame, there you are!" Negi said happily, appearing right behind her and Matoi, startling them both. "I was looking for you!"

    "Gaahhhh!" Matoi cried, spinning around along the main target of her affection, so they could face him and a curiously blinking Murakami. "Negi-sama! You were here?!"

    "Yes, alw- No, sorry, we just arrived," Negi said, laughing a bit, lamely. "Reception seems to be somewhat difficult today across the campus, so I couldn't call you even though I tried..."

    "How, how did you find us then?!" Chisame said.

    "Well, Hakase-san said we could find you here," Natsumi said. "I never figured you'd have this kind of interests, Chisame-san!" she added, taking another pointed look at the crowd of costumed youngsters gathered all around the gates of the small building decorated with all manners of colorful banners. "Cosplaying, really?"

    "I'm not into cosplay, this is Senpai's idea!" Chisame said, throwing the sighing Tsunetsuki under the train. "What, what are you doing with Sensei anyway?! Don't you have a theater play to stage?!"

    "That's tomorrow, Chisame-san," Natsumi said, frowning.

    "Ah," Chisame blinked. "But even so, what-"

    "Is it a date?" Matoi asked, so Chisame would not need to do it herself.

    Natsumi's cute frown grew. "What if it is?"

    Negi began coughing.

    "Uhhh... Nothing, naturally..." Chisame said, unsure of how to react. "But Iinchou might take it personally, and since you're friends with her..."

    Natsumi waved a hand. "Iinchou approved this! Not that she would need to, we aren't in the classroom and she isn't Sensei's mother. We both had some spare time and decided to spend it together, that's all."

    Chisame was even more confused now. What had Murakami eaten for breakfast today, nails? Then a shadow of suspicion grew into her mind, and she narrowed her eyes at Negi.

    The boy shrank a bit, with a nervous smile.

    "So, a cosplay contest, then," Natsumi hummed, opening her purse and pulling her credit card out of it. "And they're renting costumes over there... I think I'll give it a try! You'll be coming along, won't you, Sensei?"

    "You, seriously?" Matoi asked.

    "Sure, why not?" Natsumi glared quietly at her. "This is part of acting as well. Taking the appearance of someone else is the first part of assuming another identity, and I have experience at that. I want to show Sensei before the play."

    "Oh ho ho, that's interesting!" Matoi laughed, with a hand and its sleeve covering her mouth briefly. "Chisame-sama will be competing as well!"

    Negi blinked. "Oh, so you are entering as well? I thought that you'd said-"

    "I'm not! I'm not!" Chisame said. "Senpai is just making crazy talk again!"

    "You're in costume, though," Natsumi said calmly, pointing at her classmate's fancy clothes.

    "I told you already, this wasn't my idea!" Chisame said, blushing.

    "Chisame-sama, may I have some crazy talk in private with you, please?" Matoi asked, grabbing Chisame by an arm and then pulling her towards the bathrooms.

    "What? No! I don't want to!" Chisame protested as she was pulled away. "Sensei! Say something...!"

    Negi sighed and waved half-heartedly. "I'm sorry, Chisame, but I think you need to discuss this quickly, whatever it is about." As Matoi pulled his roommate into one of the toilet stands, he glared back at Natsumi, rather blandly. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

    "Maybe just a bit," Natsumi admitted with an impish smile. "Come on! After buying my ticket, you'll help me pick a costume, won't you, Sensei?"


    Matoi put her hands on the wall of the stand, one at each side of the cringing Chisame. All the better to prevent the younger girl from escaping.

    "You're entering this contest, Chisame-sama," she told her.

    "No, I don't want to! This isn't like online cosplaying!" Chisame whined. "I freeze in the place of actual people!"

    "What kind of excuse is that? You never have any problems speaking you mind! You are just yourself in front of Ayaka, Kagurazaka, Kotaro, Emiya-kun, Saber-sama, or even Evangeline-sama!"

    "That's the thing! I'm being myself there!" Chisame said. "I'm not Chiu there! I can't be Chiu in front of that many living and breathing people! The screen is my friend! The screen protects me!"

    "Just imagine they're all naked!"

    "I'm not Haruna, that would only make it worse! Dummy!"

    Matoi sighed. "Chisame-sama, you must be brave! It's for Negi-sama's sake! You aren't going to lose to that mouse girl with bad hair, are you?"

    Chisame blinked. "Mouse?"

    "Chisame-sama, you saw her! She just gained that much of a spine, off a stage, and she's taking Negi-sama on a date! You saw his guilty expression!" Matoi wringed her hands. "She just learned our secret!"

    There were a few bangs on the door. "Excuse me, but can you keep carrying on with your secret somewhere else? I need to use the can!" came a loud female voice from outside.

    Matoi hissed. "There are some bushes out there! Leave us alone or I cut you up!"

    "Bitch, I'd like to see you try!" the voice said while Chisame moaned her angst.

    "I'm from Class 3-F!" Matoi roared.

    There was a moment of stunned silence. Then the sound of loud steps running away. And then silence again.

    Matoi looked back at Chisame, who was doing an extremely mortified expression. "If you give her a finger she'll grab the whole arm!" the older girl said. "We already have too much competition!"

    "I don't know what this 'We' business is, and I don't want to do this regardless!" Chisame finally shoved her back. "Let Murakami have her fun, what do I care?! It's not like I am interested on-"

    "Chisame-saaaan!" Natsumi's voice called from outside. "Since you were going to register anyway, we took the liberty of entering you while I registered! I hope you don't mind! Now, can you please step out already? There's a long line waiting for their turn, and they are impatient...!"

    Chisame clenched her teeth while a vein bulged on her head. "I'm so going to crush this little slut," she murmured.

    Matoi smiled beautifully and nodded. "That's the spirit, my precious!"
     
  • Threadmarks
    • Crappily Ever After, Part 4
  • Threadmarks
    • Once upon a time, in the Far East of the same far, far away land, there lived an old bamboo cutter who found a precious baby girl inside of a large, shining bamboo stalk.

    At least that was the story he told his wife. She honestly thought he was just bringing a love child home, but together, they raised the baby, who grew into a gorgeous blonde they named Naddya.

    "Howdy!"

    Naddya lived a happy life with the elder couple, rejecting several suitors because they weren't Western enough. But one night, three messengers from a distant Silver kingdom showed up.

    "Hey there!" the first visitor greeted, wearing the skin of a jaguar. "We are delegates of the Moon Kingdom of Teachers, looking for our long missing Princess! We've finally found you, Princess Naddya! Gao!"

    "Oh my gawd!" Naddya gasped. "So I am... Sailor Moon?!"

    "No, that's another Moon Princess," said another of the emissaries, a cold beauty with long pink hair wearing a Playboy bunny suit. "This is Delegate Taiga, I am Delegate Mafuyu, and this is Delegate Shizuna."

    "Enchanted to meet you, Princess!" a blonde with glasses and a huge bust waved happily, wearing a cow costume complete with a bell around her neck.

    Princess Naddya blinked. "What the fuck? Isn't the Moon supposed to be populated by bunnies? Why are you a tiger and a cow?"

    "Jaguar! I'm a Jaguar!" Delegate Taiga slammed a foot down angrily.

    "We're trying to be more inclusive nowadays," Delegate Mafuyu said. "Now please come with us, Naddya-hime-sama. Time is of the essence since these segments are meant to be short."

    Naddya turned to her mother. "Grande Madre... I'm really sorry..."

    "Are you- Are you actually leaving, Naddya-chan?" the old lady sobbed.

    "Yeah! I have to leave for the homeland of my heart..."

    And she pumped a fist up, shouting thunderously. "I'M GOIN' TO AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!"

    "But... But what about the Moon?!" the three emissaries cried.

    "Not interested, sorry!"

    They had to forcibly drag her back. Much like Poochie, they died on the way back to their home planet, I mean, satellite, from what I hear.

    "What about the Inhumans, then?! I can be an Inhuman at least?! An' I get to pal with the Fantastic Four an' Avengers?!"

    "That's ANOTHER Moon Kingdom!"


    Once upon a time, in the same stinking far, far away land, there also lived a little girl named Momice, who loved to massage people more than anything else. She lived with her two big sisters, Lorina Satsuki and Edith Ryuko.

    Lorina Charlotte Liddell and Edith Mary Liddell were the sisters to the real life's Alice Pleasance Liddell, so now you know.

    There also was a third big sister but she was a psycho bitch so let's not go there.

    One warm summer day, Momice wandered off after a white rabbit who was in a great hurry indeed. She chased him down a rabbit hole.

    "I must get my hands on that fluffy body!" she was saying, flexing her fingers.

    Her two sisters chased after her in turn, and they all fell into a magical wonderland of nonsense and marvel. There they met Fuukadee and Fumikadum, the grinning Cheshire Ermine, Jervis Tetch the Mad Hatter, and many other insane characters. Eventually, Momice made it into a royal croquet game, where she met Chigusa, the Red Queen of Hearts.

    Momice took a good, long look up and down at the Queen's curvaceous body, and then began fondling her while burying her head between her breasts.

    "Now this is an unruly body in need of relaxation..."

    "GAAHAHHHHH!" Chigusa screamed. "OFF WITH HER HEAD!"

    And so, Momice's sisters waged war on Wonderland. The war raged on for years and thousands died, from what I hear.

    Mako sat at home, waiting with home brewed rancid coffee and tasty biscuits made of trash.

    "I wonder what's taking Edith Ryuko-chan so long...?"
     
  • Threadmarks
    • Wash your Worries Off.

    "Slave girls, go take a bath!" Tosaka barked. "You reek again!"

    "Eh?!" Madoka said. "But sir, we took a bath just two hours ago!"

    "I don't care! I can't have you smelly girls stanching my place up!" the man argued. "Look at yourself, you sweat more than my gladiators, and I don't even make you work that much! Vetus girls, sheesh!"

    ---

    Misa and Madoka now sat in the bath, completely naked, washing themselves.

    Madoka leaned towards Misa, eyeing the closest wall, and whispered in disgust. "Does that perv really think that we haven't found the peephole by now?"

    Misa smiled and threw a bucket of fresh water over her own head. "I don't care! As long as it means more rest and less work…!"
     
    Last edited:
    Crappily Ever After, Part 5
  • Threadmarks
    • Once upon a time, guess fucking where, there also lived a proud kendo master, until he died. He had four lovely strong daughters, all of them apt in the path of the sword. They were Homura, who was tall and busty, Saeko, who was tall and busty, Kishika, who was tall and busty, and Setsuna, who was petite and flat.

    "This is so unfair!" Setsuna said.

    "It would seem that genetics were just plain cruel to you, Setsuna dearest," Homura said. "Oops, I'm sorry. It would seem I have spoken my mind aloud again."

    Like I was saying, the kendo master died, leaving his daughters with nothing but an empty dojo, a blue cat, and a large empty bag.

    "Wah!" Kishika cried. "Father is gone! Now, who will pet my head, baby me, and call me his widdle dear sugar doll?!"

    "Fear not!" the blue cat said, standing upright. "I'm Happy, the magical cat! Give me that bag and a pair of boots and I'll make your fortune!"

    "Oh, no, no, you won't! I read that Fairy Tail oneshot OverMaster also wrote, based on that one omake!" Kishika said. "You'll mess up and ruin everything even further!"

    Setsuna blinked. "You read something written by OverMaster?"

    "Why would you do that to yourself?" Saeko asked in perplexity.

    "That no-good hack only can overstuff his stories with too many characters pulled from everywhere, and he never finishes what he starts... Ah, sorry, I believe I have spoken my mind without meaning to again," Homura said.

    "Don't worry, I'm not that Happy!" Happy said. "I'm the Happy from Eden's Zero, not the Fairy Tail one!"

    Homura nodded. "I can vouch for that."

    That wasn't too comforting either. Regardless, the sisters gave Happy the bag and some old boots of their father.

    "Aye!" Happy smiled. "Now I'm Puss in Boots!"

    (Happy gained: Equipment Boots x2).

    Puss in Boots went to the woods, hunted animals, and threw them into the bag. Then he would take them to King Eishun's castle. "Your Majesty, these are gifts from my masters, the Princesses of Mahora! They are greatly interested on becoming your daughter's lesbian harem!"

    "Ooohhh!" the beautiful princess Konoka gushed. "I hope there's a petite and flat one...!"

    Then Puss in Boots ran through the fields, screaming at the farmers, "Good fellows, the King and his fair daughter are coming through, to go visit my masters! If you don't tell them you work for the princesses of Mahora, you'll be put to the knife!"

    The farmers looked at each other.

    "Was that a talking cat?"

    "What was he even saying?"

    Then he arrived at the castle of Willie the Giant, playing double duty from Jack and the Beanstalk. He walked into the giant's throne room, ready to take over his castle for his masters. "I heard you can turn into any huge animal with your magic!" Puss in Boots told the giant.

    "Yes, I can," the giant confirmed.

    "But I doubt you can turn yourself into a tiny animal like, let's say, a mouse!" Puss in Boots challenged.

    Willie the Giant only looked at Puss in Boots in silence, for a moment.

    "Why would I do something so dumb?"

    He grabbed Puss in Boots, threw him into his huge open mouth, and ate him.

    Then, furious over this, Willie the Giant went on a rampage through the kingdom and ate a lot of people, including King Eishun, Princess Konoka, and the four kendo sisters, from what I hear.

    "This was even worse than the first Puss in Boots from this crappy author!" Homura said. "Ahhh, so sorry, I must have spoken my mind aloud once more..."

    ---

    To be continued, from what I hear.
     
  • Threadmarks
    • Cosplay and Consequences, Part Two
  • Threadmarks
    • "Okay, okay, so let's see what you are wearing!" Chisame growled, stomping as she rejoined Negi and Natsumi outside. "It can't be anything too flashy, that's not your- Aahhhh," she trailed off, coming to a brisk halt.

    Natsumi made a coquettish smile, and then hid the lower half of her face behind a large fan with Japan's flag on it. She was wearing an elaborate, exquisitely ornate geisha costume, similar to the one Ayaka had worn in Cinema Town but even more ornate. Her face was delicately powdered white, and her unruly short brown hair was hidden under a convincing silky black wig, nestling around her exposed shoulders. The lower kimono showed some leg to her advantage, but not enough to reveal how actually skinny the leg underneath was.

    "Do you like it?" Natsumi asked. "Sensei helped me pick it. It was the most expensive one available, but he insisted on paying for it himself."

    "It's... cute," Chisame managed to find her voice, the wind briefly blown out of her. "It... It plays to your strengths."

    Then she tensed, distracted by some annoying sound coming from all too close. She looked aside, frowned, and slapped the back of Matoi's head, interrupting her Jiiiiiiiiiiii in process. "Hey!" Chisame said.

    Matoi blushed, and blinked several times. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" she said. She sounded a lot like Ai. "I don't know what came over to me!"

    Natsumi spun around with a charmed smile. Negi couldn't help looking after her, in silence. "Thank you so very much, Sensei! I'll pay you with the prize money!"

    "There's... no need for that, really!" Negi gulped. "Consider it my treat... I've barely ever done anything for you, after all..."

    Chisame looked helplessly at the black Biblio Roulin Rouge costume she'd picked. She'd figured out that a simple but effective costume based on a cult figure striking the exact balance between not being in vogue enough to avoid copycats and remaining popular enough to stay in everyone's minds would give her an edge, should she decide to actually enter, but after this...

    When did this little nobody get so pretty?! Chisame thought frantically. Was she hiding her power level all this time?! Did she look ugly only by standing between Iinchou and Naba?!

    "Sensei, I need to tell you something in private for a sec, okay?!" Chisame said, then grabbed Negi by an arm and began pulling him away. "Senpai, stay here with Murakami so nobody harasses her, alright?!"

    "'Kay," Matoi said, standing fixed where she was and staring oddly at Natsumi. Jiiiiiiiiiiii...

    Natsumi winced.

    Negi was taken by Chisame behind the building, to a relatively isolated spot. "I can't believe you'd do this to me!" she said, trying to keep her voice down. "Are you setting me up for a fall?!"

    Negi blinked. "Ah? No! I'd never do that to you!"

    "Murakami's a real doll when she pretties up!" Hasegawa hissed, pointing around the building. "Not as pretty as Chiu, but Chiu's got extra resources and you know it! I don't have those advantages here!"

    "It's just like I've always told you," Negi said evenly. "You are much prettier than Chiu..."

    She covered his lips with a hand. "Shut up, you little Casanova, I'm not going to buy your snake oil! We're canceling that inscription right now!"

    "But I really want to see you shine on the stage...!" Negi pleaded from between her fingers. "It's just a contest anyway, winning isn't everything!"

    "These things aren't done for fun! You don't understand anything!" Chisame rolled her eyes. "You know who's going to judge that contest? Shirogane Tsumugi, the top cosplayer in all of Japan! I can't lose face before a person that important!"

    "Chisame, calm down," he tried to negotiate. "You won't be humiliated, your natural beauty will shine through, but even so, it's not like Chisame cares about those things, right? For all everyone knows, Chiu won't be on that stage at any moment, so she won't lose anything!"

    Chisame recoiled at this point. She gritted her teeth. "That... That may be right, nobody would expect anything from me... But it's embarrassing all the same!" In the heat of the moment, she failed to notice she was raising her voice more and more by the moment. "Shirogane Tsumugi is a TV and YouTube celebrity, cameras will be recording the whole event! This isn't the tournament after all! I won't be humbled by Murakami of all people in live, whether as Chisame or as Chiu!"

    Then a quiet voice hummed, sending chills up the spines of the boy and girl alike.

    "Hmmmm... It seems too good to be true. Just running into the famous Chiu, here of all places...?"

    They both snapped their heads aside to glare at a small and flat girl standing there, holding her thumbs and pointers up to frame Chisame's face, and squinting her reddish eyes at it. She had very fair skin and very long ebony hair, and wore an all black cat uniform, with a frilly short skirt, false ears, and a long perky tail. Under an eye, she had a small beauty mark. She seemed around the same height as Makie, but her shoes had very thick and tall soles so in reality she was probably closer to Yue's height.

    "Yet the face is basically the same," the girl observed with cold and analytical aloofness. "So is the build. The acne can be easily edited out with Photoshock. Who'd have thought it, Kirino was correct for once. Then again, of course her treacherous eyes could capture deception easily..."

    "D-Deception?!" Chisame gasped, horrified.

    "This isn't what it looks, young lady," Negi said, recomposing himself. "We are just... practicing for Chisame's sketch on stage!"

    The short girl chuckled, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "No, no, this one isn't fooled as easily! I shall introduce myself."

    She swept a hand up in a grandiose, flourishing gesture. "I am CLAMP Campus' own angel of darkness! Kuroneko, three years champion of the CLAMP cosplay circuit! No doubt you have heard about my exploits!"

    "Uh... I only arrived in this country last year, I'm afraid..." Negi said.

    "I haven't ever heard about you," Chisame answered truthfully, right before moving into murkier waters by adding, "Why should I? After all, I'm just a normal girl with no knowledge whatsoever of that nerdy world...!"

    This 'Kuroneko' jabbed a finger in the air towards her. "I knew it! The voice is the same as well! You change your tone, naturally, but I can tell! Finally! A worthy opponent! Our battle will be legendary!"

    Chisame growled, lunged ahead, and tightened her hands around the outsider's mouth so nobody else would listen. "Let's... Let's go discuss this somewhere else, all right?!"
     
  • Threadmarks
    • The Law of Transfer.

    Mafuyu knelt before the main shrine of the mountain temple, closed her eyes, brought her hands together, and began praying fervently.

    Please, God! she begged. I… I don't want to be in… in… in love with Nariyuki-kun! That's improper! Please take that weight off me…

    The next day, on her way from one class to another, she passed by Nariyuki-kun in a hall.

    "Good morning, Sensei!" he waved at her. "Nice day, huh?"

    "Hm? Oh, yes, sure thing, Nariy—"

    Then she stopped and blinked. She hadn't felt it! That odd, unsettling sensation making her all warm and fuzzy inside! When they crossed paths, he hadn't triggered any reaction in her. It'd been just like meeting Saruyama-kun or any other average student.

    She was free! Free at last from those troubling feelings! Jubilant, Mafuyu decided going to the soda expending machine for an indulgence to celebrate…

    Negi-sensei was there, already sipping from a can. "Oh, good morning, Sensei!" he smiled at her oh so charmingly. "Nice to see you again…!"

    She came to another jarring halt. Her eyes widened.

    ---

    "Nature abhors a vacuum," Taiga lectured sagely over the lunch table. "As soon as something is taken off the board, it must be replaced with an equivalent to keep the balance…"

    Mafuyu groaned, her face slammed on said table. "Shut up…! Please shut up…!"
     
    Congratulations!

    Momioka happily presented him with a positive pregnancy test.

    "Negi-kun, guess what!" she said. "I'm not Anything that Burns me!"
     
    Wacky Marriage Proposal.

    "I, I, I...!"

    Kagamihara Nadeshiko struggled hardly with the words stuck in her throat.

    Finally, she could blurt them out.

    "I want you to go on a big camping trip with me forever, and for that trip to be our lives!"

    The boy standing before her blinked helplessly.

    She facepalmed. "This sounded so, so much better in my mind!"
     
    Cosplay and Consequences, Part Three
  • Threadmarks
    • "Murakami, we're back!" Chisame said as she and Negi walked back to Natsumi, with a mildly curious Kuroneko in tow. "Sorry we took so long."

    "Ah, ah, no prob, Senpai was... keeping me company!" Natsumi gulped, twitching under Matoi's glare. But then, much to the actress' relief, the stalker's head snapped back, alerted by her DEEP LOVING senses, so the fixed stare fell directly on Kuroneko.

    JIIIIIIIIIIII?!

    Kuroneko recoiled, hiding her face behind a sleeve. "Ugh! What is this sensation of evil?!"

    "3-F student," Chisame said. "You'd understand if you studied here. Murakami, Senpai, this is Gokou Ruri from CLAMP, and she's going to take part in the contest."

    "You are to call me Kuroneko, the angel of-"

    "Whatever," Chisame said. Before Negi could chastise her, she went on. "These are my classmate Murakami Natsumi, and Tsunetsuki Matoi, my, ah, admirer."

    Matoi seemed to loom over the shorter newcomer, making her shudder and back away. "So you are a rival to Chisame-sama *and* Natsumi-sama, hmmmmm?!"

    "When, when did I become 'Natsumi-sama'?!" Natsumi protested.

    Soon enough, Negi had herded them towards a table by a nearby small cafe, apart enough from the other customers. This last part was accomplished by virtue of Matoi being from 3-F, and locals whispering warnings to outsiders who tried to sit close.

    "My friends will be here shortly," Kuroneko said plainly as she put her phone down on the table, by her drink. "Well, my friends and the sister of one of my friends. They have been sightseeing, and that takes a while when you have someone as mule-headed as Kirino in your group."

    "I understand," Chisame said. "We have a fair share of mule-heads of our own in our group, too."

    "Not nice, Chisame," Negi sighed.

    "Then you are the famous child teacher of Mahora," Kuroneko said in a bored tone, resting a cheek on her fist. "Yes, yes, I believe I remember now. Saori-san once mentioned something about you. You are some kind of campus celebrity?"

    Negi laughed that off, blushing. "Far from it! It's just the novelty factor of having someone of my age teaching, but that's died down gradually. As you'll see, we aren't being surrounded by fans or anything."

    Matoi took advantage of his distraction to stare venomous daggers at several girls hiding behind nearby bushes, spying on them. Akatsutsumi Momoko, Gotokuji Miyako, Matsubara Kaoru, Tomoe Mami and Miki Sayaka all gasped and ducked together, under the line of sight.

    Kuroneko raised an eyebrow, having caught a glimpse as this happened behind Negi's back. Chisame groaned. "I see..." the black haired girl said.

    Natsumi puffed under her breath while downing her second glass of ice cold lemonade. Now that she thought about it, choosing this kind of costume on such a hot day had been a mistake, perhaps...

    Kuroneko chuckled, shaking her own glass in lazy circles. "Never mind, even if you and your lot are popular here, that isn't going to earn you points with the judges, much less with Shirogane-sama. I have previous credentials, unlike both of you, but since you were kind enough to extend this invitation for a drink to me, I shall cast a good luck spell on you, so you win the second and third places!"

    "Oh, thank you very much," Chisame said dryly.

    Negi looked quietly at Kuroneko. He couldn't feel any magical aptitude in her, so he guessed she had to be what Fujimura-sensei and Itoshiki-sensei called a 'chuuni', pretending to have powers out of a sense of delusion and self importance. Mages were instructed to leave chuunis alone with those pretenses since they made mundanes more eager to reject the reality of magic as a whole.

    "Ah, those are my friends and the other person," Kuroneko said coolly, pointing down the street. Negi, Matoi, Chisame and Natsumi followed the finger she was used to point casually, and saw a tall black haired young man, a much shorter girl with long and very light brown hair, and a gangly girl who was easily as tall as Mana or Mana, wearing thick opaque glasses, denim pants, and a green, long sleeved shirt that couldn't be that comfortable in this dark and humid weather. "Over here! There are seats left for three, but Kirino can stand for long periods, so..."

    "Don't you start!" warned the shorter of the two incoming girls, getting ahead of the others, and then frowning at Negi and the others. "Um, ah, good afternoon! How do you do, I'm Kosaka Kirino, and these are Saori-chan and my Aniki Kyosuke..."

    Natsumi blinked. "Saori?"

    The very tall girl seemed to blink as well, stopping by the table and looking down- way down- at Natsumi. For a moment, they just stared at each other, unable to recognize each other.

    "Um... Saori-san?" the tall boy rasped after a fair bit of this. "Do you know-"

    The mountain of a girl leaned down and pulled her swirly glasses up, blinking at Natsumi. "Is that really you, Natsumi-san?!"

    "Makishima Ojou-sama?!" Natsumi gasped back. "Why, why are you dressed like that...?!"

    The beautiful, just revealed grayish orbs of the other girl blinked again, this time with some apprehension. "Ah, well, you will see... This, this is my hobby!" she said, pulling up the bags full of otaku goods she'd been carrying, so they'd be squeezed against her generous bosom. The young man, who was carrying even more bags on him, sighed. The Kirino girl, who was carrying no bags at all, hummed to herself, intrigued. "No, not my hobby! My passion! My life! But please don't spread the word around! My parents don't approve of this!"

    Matoi, who was sympathetic enough to the plights of strangers who weren't standing in her way yet, remarked this for the bushes with a subtle motion of a knife slicing her own neck. The bushes shook roughly.

    Natsumi nodded absently, and then broke into a shaky, nervous smile. "Ahh... Sensei, Chisame-san, Senpai, this is Makis-"

    "Pleassse!" Saori said, pressing a hand on Natsumi's mouth. "My name is Saori Bajeena!"

    "Bajeena?" Chisame repeated.

    "I... I have known Natsumi-chan for a while, since my family is close friends with those of Ayaka and Chizuru!" Saori Bajeena explained in a kind of rush. "And you must be Negi-sensei, Ayaka is always talking about you..."

    "No way!" Kirino said, leaning down in a snap to get a closer, very intrusive look at Negi before he could say anything. Natsumi and Chisame winced in disgust, being instantly reminded of Suzumiya Haruhi. Matoi began grinding her teeth. "This is THE Negi Springfield from Mahora, the Maker of a Thousand Shotacons?!"

    "Yes, indeed," Kuroneko nodded stoically.

    Kirino grinned at her. "And Neko-chan already fell for him! Having cold tea with him and everything! See, Kyosuke, I always told you that- YEOWCH!" she finished as Kuroneko, still as coolly as ever, poked two fingers into her eyes. "Still the same crazy cat as ever, clawing for the eyes!"

    Kyosuke and Negi shared a first mutual glance of quiet, subdued and resigned grief.
     
  • Threadmarks
    • It's a Wonderful Life.

    Skuld found Negi sitting by the seashore of the resort, brooding miserably.

    She stopped by his side, sighing. "Let me guess. This is about your father."

    "In a way," he admitted. "But… it's also about me. And about how much of a failure I've been."

    She groaned. "Not this again…!"

    "It's true, though!" Negi said. "For all I've done, I've really achieved nothing! My father is still possessed and the world is still in peril!"

    "You have helped me save my sister," she said, "and for that, I'll be eternally grateful."

    He paused and blinked, looking up at her. She made a gentle smile, and he blushed. Then he sputtered and looked aside. "W-Well, yes, but you're resourceful and could have recruited anyone else for that! I've dragged so many of my students and assorted people into this… plucked them from safe lives and placed them in constant danger… They might die the next time they follow me into battle…"

    He sniffed. "Sometimes I wish I hadn't been born."

    Skuld groaned. "What a pain. You want the old 'look at this whole movie's worth of scenes depicting what would've happened if you hadn't been born, right? I'm a busy woman! But, I guess I can give you a quick summary…"

    "You can?" Negi asked.

    "Of course I can! Without your birth, your father still fights Ialda Baoth, gets possessed and sealed. He breaks the seal on his own, since he doesn't have you to resist Ialda's influence as long as he did. He consumes Mundus Magicus into Cosmo Entelecheia and wages war on Earth. The Justice Society stops him eventually through Doctor Strange and Fate sacrificing their lives, but three billions and a half die. Among those who live their lives in the conflict, you have Hakase, Misora, Cocone, Haruka, Yukino, Itoshiki, Ai, Takamichi, Konoemon, Konoka, Setsuna, Chizuru, Natsumi, Mana, Kaede, Ku Fei, Minako and Shiho."

    Negi paled horribly. "No…!"

    Skuld nodded. "Ayaka survives, but her parents marry her off to an awful billionaire to save their companies, almost broken in the aftermath. He makes her miserable and she kills herself by the time she is thirty four."

    Negi covered his mouth with a hand. "Oh my God…!"

    "Evangeline also survives, but she is further disenchanted with the world. With your father dead, she is free, so she corrupts Chachamaru and Karin, and the three of them terrorize mankind for centuries."

    "I… I believe I'm going to be ill…" Negi said faintly.

    "Emiya still insists on being the Hero of Justice the world needs," Skuld recalled. "He travels the world fighting and aiding where he can, but he makes many powerful enemies. Sakura, Rin, Luviagelita and Miyu follow him, but they are picked down one by one. Eventually, he is captured, tried as a war criminal, and executed."

    Negi shook his head in dismay. He couldn't even talk anymore.

    "Haruna becomes a politician and turns greedy and cynical, without your tempering influence and after losing so many of her friends," Skuld added. "She seizes the Presidency of Japan and rules it with an iron fist. Nodoka and Yue grow disenchanted with her and go live in America together. They sort of reach happiness together in their twilight years, I suppose, but…"

    "And Chisame?" Negi pleaded. "What about Chisame?"

    Skuld paused. "Chisame… Chisame is happy."

    "What?!"

    Skuld sighed. "Through Sora, she and Keiichi grow together, and eventually they marry. There are hard times ahead, of course, but together, they soldier on and form a family. They grow old together. I cannot lie. You aren't strictly necessary for Chisame's ultimate happiness."

    Negi pondered this in silence, looking haunted for several moments.

    Skuld smiled and squeezed his shoulder. "But what is done cannot be undone. So you'll have to make him happier than Keiichi could."

    He nodded. "I will. N-No offense to him, of course, but--!"

    "You don't need to apologize to me or anyone," she said. "Like I said, you helped me save Belldandy. You have enrichened all of our lives. Stay strong. You are better than you think you are."

    Negi stared at her, long and hard, and then stood up to hug her. "Thank you."

    She smiled awkwardly and hugged back, patting his back. "Don't mention it, you crybaby idiot."

    She sent him off to bed and then sat on the edge of the quiet false sea, staring into the distance.

    "It's bad form to spy on others, why do you pick bad habits from Tsunetsuki?" she asked when Makie finally stepped out from behind the palm tree.

    "You didn't mention me," Makie asked nervously. "What happens to me? And the girls?"

    Skuld sighed deeply and rolled her eyes. "Do I have to say it…?"

    "Please…!"

    "You were born with a fool's luck, just like Shiina," Skuld grumbled. "And you are my bad karma, so you are chained to me. You still summon me while calling for 911, and I keep you, Akira, Yuuna and Ako safe until we settle together in a cabin by Okinawa. Happy now?"

    "Sku-chan…!" Makie bawled, throwing herself on her and hugging her tightly.

    Skuld, once again, smiled uncomfortably and hugged her bad karma.
     
    Chigusa Route, Part One
  • Threadmarks
    • Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

    ---

    Chigusa Route.

    ---

    "Amagasaki Chigusa?" Konoe Eishun said grimly, appearing on the doorstep of her small cell. "It is time."

    The woman was still young and beautiful, well past her teenage years but still well kept, a vision of prim, intellectual attractive even in the dark gray plain kimono she was wearing. Her long black hair ran loose, smoothly over her back, and her usual large round glasses were nestled on her fine nose as ever. With a dry, dignified breath, she stood up from her sitting position on the narrow bed and stepped up to meet the imposing, black haired man.

    She was escorted by him and three tall guards armed with long staffs, her hands cuffed behind her back. Everything around them was silence, down the faintly lit halls of the prison complex within the Konoe villa.

    They passed another cell, where a fully masked man in red and black tights was packing some luggage. "Hey, Chigusa, guess what!" he called out loudly. "Amanda Waller called and negotiated for my release, so I'm walking out today! Swell of her, huh? All I have ta do is running some errands for- Chigusa?! Hey, Chigusaaaaa?! Where they takin' you?!"

    The woman gritted her teeth and closed her eyes briefly. "At the very least, I'll never see him again..."

    Next they passed by another cell, where a shirtless black haired boy in black pants did pushups on the floor. He paused, giving her a sympathetic look as she walked by, and bowed his head in silence.

    "We aren't going to execute him, of course," Eishun said. "We plan to reform him, giving him a honest job and some actual education."

    "I didn't ask," Chigusa said curtly. "What about Tsukuyomi? Did you capture her as well?"

    "No," Eishun said. "She escaped with the Joker."

    "I'm glad for both of them," Chigusa sneered.

    They finally reached the metal door at the end of the hallway.

    "I will pay for the mistakes and weakness of your clan," she told Eishun as the guards unlocked the heavy door. "Just like your inaction protecting my family took their lives, now you take mine actively."

    "Your own hatred has led you here," the master of the lands said as she was led inside.

    Then Chigusa froze in place. Her own dead body was there, on the floor of the execution chamber, wearing the same kimono as her. Its eyes were dull and unfocused, and its mouth was slightly open.

    Chigusa gave Eishun, her enemy, a bewildered look.

    "A fabrication of Nodoka-san's Create card. A most remarkable gift matching her talent," he said evenly. "But it won't last past dawn. If you are to accept our terms, you must do so before then, or it will be your head that will roll."

    "What do you mean?" she asked.

    Eishun sighed. "I understand your pain. I know that we failed your clan, and that you have legitimate grievance against some Western mages. But the Councils want you dead regardless. I cannot oppose them, and you did kidnap my daughter, the light of my soul. You deserve some manner of punishment."

    "Speak your terms freely, since this is your house," she said bitterly, lowering her head.

    "You will be transformed and put under the care of someone. That person will take you far from Kyoto and keep me posted on your behavior, while this lifelike puppet is shown to my peers and buried," Eishun said. "That is all I can offer. That is all I should offer after you destroyed my house and threatened all of our lives. If anything, we are being extremely generous. We won't negotiate any further. It is either this or swift death. Choose."

    Chigusa bit her tongue, made an anguished, angry sound, and finally said, "Do as you wish."

    Eishun, in a single mighty motion before his circle of most trusted men, pulled his blade out and then beheaded the false Chigusa on the floor.
     
  • Threadmarks
    • Re-Paru-cement.

    Nodoka and Yue approached Lucy, who was chatting with Negi at the time.

    "Heartfilia-san," Nodoka said. "Do you like BL? You know, Boys Love? The genre of boys being intimate with boys?"

    "W-What? NO!" Lucy gasped. "Why, why do you think I'd like something like, like that!"

    Yue frowned a bit, pulled a piece of paper out, and began reading aloud from it. "Natsu's hands began roaming all over Gray's hard, well oiled bare chest..."

    Lucy's nose exploded in a burst of blood.

    Yue and Nodoka looked at each other, then smiled.

    "You're approved!" Nodoka told Lucy happily.

    "A-Approved for what?!" Lucy cried, wiping the blood off her nose with a fist.

    "You're big breasted, taller than us, fond of books, and with a taste for BL," Yue said. "Until we find Paru, you will be the replacement Haruna for our trio..."

    Lucy looked at Negi, bewildered. "Should I feel insulted or flattered?"

    The boy hewed. "Well, it's a complicated thing, sort of..."
     
    Cosplay and Consequences, Part Four
  • Threadmarks
    • "Oh, then you are classmates with Paru as well, aren't you? I love Paru!" Kirino said, now sitting at the table as well, along Saori. There was no room for Kyosuke so he stood aside stoically, now holding Kirino's bags and Saori's. "Do you think you could call her here?"

    "You know Haruna. Of course you would know Haruna," Chisame deadpanned.

    "Everyone in the fandom knows Paru-chan!" Saori said happily after giving the nerdiest laugh imaginable. Natsumi looked at her in shock, still unwilling to believe completely that this was the same perfect Ojou who would drink perfumed tea with Chizu-nee and Iinchou. "She's friends with everybody , goes to all cons, and draws for all major series, and several obscure ones as well!"

    "Oh, it's wonderful, I had no idea Haruna was so beloved out of 3-A!" Negi said, genuinely glad.

    "Yeah," Matoi said. "Even in our circle of close acquaintances, opinions about her can be... mixed."

    "What kind of stick in the mud without a heart could dislike Paru?" Kirino asked. "Ah, and you must be that Deep Love girl Harumi mentioned, then!"

    "You know Harumi as well?" Matoi asked.

    "Wherever Paru goes, Harumi isn't far behind! They're in the same circle, after all!" Saori said. "That, and she and Kirino-chan have been working together on some secret projects of late..."

    Kirino rasped, somewhat uneasily, and strangely tapping on her throat for a moment, because of some reason or another. "That... That's nothing. I write here and there on the side to earn some extra money, but I don't draw..."

    Negi thought about this, reflecting on how little he actually knew about Haruna, despite spending so much time with her, and despite how open she was. Come to think about it, he'd had pretty much no contact with the artistic side of her life, and that was so important for her, that he couldn't help but worry that he was distracting her from her true calling...

    "Why is he spacing out now?" Kyosuke asked, looking at Negi's concentrated expression.

    Chisame sighed. "That's his guilty face. He's blaming himself over some imaginary slight to someone else. He's probably beating himself up over ignoring so much about Haruna's friends outside our classroom."

    Negi blinked, snapping back to reality. "Ah? Sorry, I got distracted for a second. Were you saying anything?"

    Kuroneko chuckled cagily, leaning back on her chair. "I was about to mention that you also know the famous Chiu..."

    "Eeeehhhh?!" Kirino said. "You, you mean that Chiu-sama actually studies in Mahora?!"

    Kuroneko nodded. "I have to admit you were right, this once. It turns out that-"

    "PAY!" Kirino said, extending a vehement hand towards Kuroneko.

    Ruri hissed like a cat and slapped the hand aside. "Away with you! Do you only think about one-upping me?!"

    "We made an honest bet! Not my fault you were dumb enough to think Chiu-sama studied in Ohtori!" Kirino growled. "You gonna try and weasel out of our agreement?!"

    "Who is Chiu?" Natsumi and Kyosuke asked at the same time.

    Kirino gave her brother an irritated back glare. "How can you hang around us this long without learning anything?! Chiu-sama is the biggest cosplay star who hasn't sold herself to companies! The brightest and most beautiful of all Internet idols!" She utterly failed to realize how Chisame's face was heating up at these comments. Kuroneko smirked. "I'd love to shake her hand, so much...!" she cooed, with a large barrage of pink hearts flying out of her. Then she looked at Negi, Chisame and Natsumi again. "Tell me where she is!"

    "Um, I'm afraid we don't have her permission to do that," Negi gulped. "Chiu values her privacy too much..."

    "Paru-chan doesn't know about her, does she?" Saori asked. "Paru-chan would never hide that from us!"

    "No, Chiu-sama's secret identity is only known to herself, Negi-sama, Chisame-sama, me, and three others," Matoi said with a smug smile, while a thought balloon with the faces of Misora, Hakase and Cocone appeared over her. Then a smaller thought balloon appeared at the lower right corner of the big one, with the face of a crying Chamo saying 'I don't count?!' "She has made us swear under our honor, and we will not betray her trust!"

    "Oh... Oh, I can get that," Kirino said, deflating. "Right, if everyone knew Chiu-sama's identity, the magic would be lost..."

    "Quite! Quite rightly!" Chisame nodded rapidly. Kuroneko snickered to herself.

    "But you'll get a good word on us to Chiu-sama, won't you?" Saori asked with childlike enthusiasm.

    "We will," Negi promised.

    "And you'll get us autographs?" Kirino asked very eagerly.

    "I don't think she'll refuse to please her devoted fans, right, Chisame?" Negi asked.

    "Why, why are you asking me about that, you know I'm the one of us who sees Chiu the least!" Chisame sputtered.

    "That, I can believe," Kyosuke deadpanned, and Natsumi nodded.

    "Well. It's been a very entertaining conversation," Kuroneko said, looking at her wristwatch with a goth design, "but it's almost time for the contest. We'll better head back so you can witness my triumph, Kyosuke, Kirino, Saori-san."

    "You wish," Kirino sneered. "I bet Natsumi-san and Chisame-san will kick your butt!"

    "Actually, about that," Chisame said, taking a hand to her stomach. "Maybe I won't be able to after all.. My stomach hurts a bit..."

    "Oh, come on!" Natsumi frowned. "Sensei paid good money for your inscription!"

    Kirino laughed and slapped Chisame's shoulder in a way neither Chisame herself nor Matoi appreciated particularly. "C'mon, you don't need to make excuses! It's perfectly normal to feel stage fright! Just imagine that all of us are naked...!"

    Kyosuke's eyes snapped hideously wide.

    "No, really..." Chisame grinded her teeth. "The stomach ache is genuine..."

    Negi looked at her in concern while everyone else just stared blankly at her.

    "..." Chisame said. "Fine, what the heck. The sooner I'm done with this the better..."
     
  • Threadmarks
    • Re-Paru-cement, Part 2.

    "I can't believe it!" an exasperated Lucy said, sitting on the porch with Rito and keeping her distance. "Just because I like books, I'm taller and older than them, I may not be completely adverse to Boys Love, and my chest is a bit big, Nodoka and Yue already believe I'm a shoo-in for this Haruna of yours in their group dynamics!"

    The blonde sighed. "You, of course, know Haruna better than anyone, being her boyfriend, don't you think that's just plain prepos… terous…"

    She realized how intensely Rito was looking at her now, with eyes as wide as saucers.

    "Oh, for the love of God…!" Lucy screamed.
     
    Fanfiction. Not.

    Haruna slapped Rito. "You spineless worm! I'm tired of your wishy-washy attitude! At this rate I'll die an old virgin! I'm leaving you for Negi-kun, a real man!"

    "Likewise!" Nodoka said, slapping Kotaro. "This just isn't working, boy! All you can think of is fighting and going away to have selfish macho adventures to stroke your ego! I'm going back to Negi-kun, my first love!"

    "They are right, Shirou!" Saber said, slapping Emiya. "You only care about your father's misguided ideals, and you will destroy yourself! I shall not ruin my own life again! I shall be joining Professor Negi's side!"

    "What they said!" Skuld said, slapping Keiichi. "Keiichi, you idiot! I can't stand you anymore! You'll never get a clue! Makie and I are joining Negi's collective!"

    "I'm sorry!" Ai said, slapping Itoshiki. "I'm sorry!" she repeated, slapping him again. "I'm so sorry!" she sobbed, slapping him a third time. "But you'll never be happy, and so you'll only make others around you miserable! You didn't even care I loved you, you still want to kill yourself and leave me behind! I'm sorry for being so selfish, but I'll follow Matoi's example and marry Negi-sensei, too!"

    "And if you're wondering how he'll be able to satisfy us all," Haruna huffed, "that's why he always has the loyal Chamo-kun by his side! His dick is much longer and thicker than any of yours!"

    ---

    Eleonore frowned in utter disgust at the tiny notebook open in her hand. "What manner of sick person would write something like this?! You are not well at all!"

    "Gaaaahhhh!" the ermine screamed. "Give that back! Where did you find it?! It was never meant for any of you to read…!"
     
    Last edited:
    Tales of the Tomoe-Testarossa Sisters.

    Hotaru broke into Fate's bedroom, on the edge of tears. "Fate-chan!" she cried. "Chibi-Usa-chan won't pay attention to me! She'd rather date her own dad or a horse! Please, tell me your secret! How did you charm Nanoha-san?!"

    Fate blinked, put her phone down, and sat up on the bed from her former stomach prone position. From the floor, in her beast form, Arf grouched to herself.

    "Well," Fate said cautiously. "I must warn you, I don't think this method works for everyone…"

    ---

    Chibi-Usa winced as she saw Tomoe approaching her in the park. Oh great, the creepy weirdo again…

    Much to Chibi-Usa's surprise, the creepy weirdo gained speed, ran to her, and punched her in the head.

    WHAMMO!

    Chibi-Usa staggered and fell on her butt, rubbing her head. Tomoe stood over her, pointing down at her.

    "Usagi-san!" she shouted imperiously. "I challenge you to a duel for the Silver Imperial Crystal!"

    Chibi-Usa seethed furiously, rose back, and punched Hotaru in an eye.

    ---

    Fate felt the door of her bedroom open. "Well?" she asked while chatting with Nanoha over the phone. "How did it go?"

    "You were right," Hotaru said, her whole face swollen. "It doesn't work for everyone."
     
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