OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

Scenes from Mahorafest: The Other White Meat.

"So, how did you like our Special Surprise Steaks, Sensei, Chisame-san?" Satsuki asked, smiling sweetly.

Negi primly wiped his mouth with a handkerchief. "Truly delicious, Yotsuba-san! What are they made of?"

"Tyrannosaurus Rex just farmed in Savage Land and freshly delivered here for ocassion!" Ku Fei said happily. "A meal you'll never forget, no?"

A moment later, Negi was crouched right outside the Chao Bao Zi, with both hands on his scalp and crying long streams of tears.

Ku blinked. "I thinked he liked dinosaurs, aruyo?"

Chisame sighed. "Well, yes, but… never mind." She extended her now empty plate forward. "As for me, seconds, please."

 

[OverMaster]

The Age of Romance.

They sat together on a bench, apart from the main pathways of the campus, to rest at the middle of the bustling Festival.

"Iinchou," Misora said, sounding oddly quiet. "Can I ask you a question? From woman to woman?"

Ayaka raised an eyebrow. "Of course, you always can. What is it?"

"It's about Negi-kun," Misora sighed. "I'm not blind, I can tell that you've got much more chances than I. You are rich, smart, and beautiful, while I am so… plain…"

Ayaka blinked at this strange moment of vulnerability. "Misora-san, I—"

"Let me finish," Misora groaned. "If you win, and you get Negi-kun in the end… you won't just abandon him after he grows old anyway, will you?"

Ayaka frowned. "Misora-san! Do you think me so shallow…?"

"It's just that… I've never seen you interested on any older men!"

"I am perfectly able to appreciate an older gentleman's appeal, it's just that I'm not as shameless about it as Asuna-san," Ayaka lectured. "I'll never stop loving Sensei, he's bound to grow into a remarkably beautiful man, and regardless, what I like best about him is his noble heart. In the event that you are wondering if I'd ever lose my interest just because he's not as cutely adorable anymore, let me tell you this…"

She smiled lecherously, and stroke her own chin with a hand while her eyes sparkled, "Even in the worst case scenario, we'll always have Age Deceiving Pills!"

"I take back what I said!" Misora shouted. "I'm never gonna lose to you, now!"

 

[OverMaster]

Shirogane Tsumugi blinked, fascinated.

There was something about one of those girls. The one in the Roulin Rouge costume. Her face, the shape of her features, the general figure of her body. She recognized all of them from somewhere. Oh, the pimples and the smaller bust had thrown her off the scent for a moment, but then it dawned on her, part and parcel of cosplaying was altering your traits to a degree that would make you unrecognizable for most at plain sight. She was an old hat at it herself, after all.

And then the girl spoke, and she recognized the voice, as well. Once again, it was changed, but the villainous delivery was not enough to disguise its core nature. She had listened to that voice too many times to be wrong about it.

"Chiu..." she whispered to herself, starting to breathe slightly faster.

"Excuse me?" one of the secondary judges asked, since the other ones were too busy swooning after the lovable innocent loli who had just appeared onstage.

"N-Nothing!" the blue haired, bespectacled cosplay star said, checking on the list of contestants in her ipod. The loli was one Nelly Silverberg, and the one who had shaken Tsumugi so badly was listed as Hasegawa Chisame. The name, surely, was another clue? Tsumugi smiled nervously. "Oh my..."

Only three contestants came after them, closing the event.

There was a little girl named Utsugi Kotoko, singing nervously in Maizono Sayaka cosplay, eyeing her frowning mother in the crowd. Tsumugi barely paid her any attention. She had met far too many of these token child idols in her opinion, and was hardly impressed by them anymore.

Then there was someone calling himself Usui Kagero, who entered the stage wrapped in bandages and a long brown coat. He removed the bandages, and then... there was nobody there, anymore.

"Oh!" Tsumugi blinked, growing mildly impressed. "What an incredible Invisible Man cosplay! We should grant him second place..."

"Eh?" another of her fellow judges said. "What are you talking about, Shirogane-sama?"

"Well, I mean that boy who was right there, of course..." she answered.

"I'm still here!" Usui shouted, while the crowd and the other contestants shared confused looks, wondering when the next participant would just come out already.

"Which boy?" another judge grumbled. "Ah, Shirogane-sama, such a big kidder! No, this Usui fellow has stood us up. Maybe he got cold feet and ran away..."

"Oh, screw you guys!" Kagero said furiously, throwing his hands up and stomping off the stage.

"Next!" the assembled non-descript chorused, while Tsumugi blinked in stupor.

Finally, a gorgeous, still young, Chinese woman in a red qipao strode confidently onto the stage. She smiled very proudly, whipping her loud purple hair around, and said, "Nihao! Now I will show you the ultimate disguise act!"

Everyone watched on expectantly, as this woman held a large bucket of water up... and then threw it on herself. Immediately, all of her clothes dropped to the floor, and a small cat landed on them, on all four legs. The cat lifted its two upper paws triumphantly and meowed "Ta-da-nyaaaaa!"

Tsumugi frowned and gave a thumbs up. "Disqualified!" she shouted.

The cat looked back at her, bewildered. "Nyaaaaa?!"

"Disqualified!" the other judges shouted too, copying Tsumugi's gesture to the letter.

"Whaaa nyaaaaa?!" Neko-ShanPu protested.

"This is a cosplay contest, not a stage magic contest!" Tsumugi said very seriously, while a stage hand came by, picked the stunned cat up, and carried it away. "ShanPu-san, wherever you are now, show up at the backstage after hours to collect your clothes and your pet! Thanks to the rest of all of you, and now we will vote and proclaim the three prize winners! Please wait just a few minutes, and in the meantime, enjoy a special music number by the fine rising stars of After School Tea Time!"

"Alright!" Tainaka Ritsu grinned as the five members of the all-girl band moved onto the stage, instruments at the ready. "This is our big moment! Our grand Unequally debut! Maybe one of us will get a Pactio and become one of Neg-"

Since fanfiction isn't a medium with sound and this is supposed to be a short chapter, we might as well cut the scene here before moving onto our heroes waiting for the ultimate resolution of the contest.

"Oh, screw you, dude, SERIOUSLY?!" Ritsu screamed.

 

[OverMaster]

Time and Time, a Gain.

"I'm not sure, Sensei," Chisame said as they walked through the Festival grounds, so that they could meet Negi's next appointment. "Doing so many travels through time, one after another, don't you think it can have ill secondary effects? Maybe changing the flux of time or something like that?"

Negi laughed it off. "I'm sure Chao has thought of that! It must be part of why the device doesn't allow for jumps far into the past, or the future. Right, Master Louise? Collet? Alice?"

"The laws of magic are there so Man can master and bend them to our will," Louise lectured. "It's cowardly to not even try! All the same, yes, I don't trust that Chao either…"

"So far nothing bad has happened!" Collet said happily, munching from her large cone of cotton candy. "Mahora is a lot more fun than Ariadne, that's for sure!"

"Maybe we should change history so everyone are wearing longer skirts?" Alice briefly tugged down on the lower edge of her own checkered skirt. "I still feel so uncomfortable in these…!"

"See, that's right what I'm talking about!" Chisame growled. "None of you are supposed to have debuted just yet!"

 

[OverMaster]

Wild Wild Fest.

"So, how do you like the Festival so far, Kaere-chan?" Hito Nami asked.

The gorgeous blue eyed blonde shrugged. "It's not bad. It doesn't compare to our New Year Festivals, that's for sure."

"What are they like?" Nami asked.

Kaere smiled nostalgically. "Every year, we gather to repel the amphibious lifeforms waiting in the sea. We line up across the shore, lift our massive horns, and blow on them to scare the giant frogs away for another year! Ah, what a beautiful symphony!" she sighed. "Our men stage wrestling numbers where they coat themselves on baby oil and renact the victories of our ancestors over the web footed fiends! Then, come the night, we gorge on cheese pudding and play bingo and truth or dare until dawn!" She sniffed loudly, tears flowing down her pristine face. "My mother and grandmother are both undefeated bingo champions, and I hope to follow on their steps someday…!"

She looked up, vacantly, into the skies, just as a sudden burst of breeze flapped her very short skirt up, revealing the pink panties underneath.

Divine Wind…

Nami flinched and glared aside. "Sometimes, just sometimes, I'm glad to be normal," she muttered to herself.

 

[OverMaster]

After a remarkably short deliberation, the jury announced they were ready to announce the winners, right after After School Tea Time's second song and making Ritsu groan. Back in the crowd, Kirino gripped Kyosuke's hand tightly. "Cross all your fingers!" she told him.

"I can't cross all of them, you are clutching my hand," he said.

"Cross your toes to make up for it, then!" she said.

"Okay, and what do I wish for?" Kyosuke asked, all patience. "For your rival to lose, or for Negi-sensei and the others to win?"

"For Kuroneko to lose AND Nelly-chan and the others to win!" Kirino gulped.

"That's not possible, they are all contesting together!" her brother snapped.

Tsumugi smiled brightly, walking ahead to face the audience, with an envelope in her hands. Kirino and Saori sighed lovingly. "Thanks to everyone for waiting!" the cosplay superstar said, opening the envelope and pulling a piece of paper out. "We'll start by announcing the third place, which goes to Mina Carol-san and Chiyo Huit-san for their cosplay of Sailor V and Sailor Mars!"

Minako blinked wildly. "Third place?!"

Shiho shrugged. "We did better than I expected, actually."

"Third place?!" Minako insisted.

Shiho groaned and shoved her ahead, so they could step forward to receive the prize.

"I bet you that Akira-san would have landed second place," Matoi whispered, leaning onto Chisame's ear. Seeing how the younger girl was shivering and gritting her teeth, she went on to rub her shoulder. "But you're a lock for the first prize, Chisame-sama, there's no need to worry..."

"Akira?" Natsumi asked, managing to overhear that much.

"Whatever you're talking about, keep it quiet," Kuroneko said, waving a hand. "She'll announce the second place now."

"And now, for the winner of the second place prize..." Tsumugi was saying indeed, "we are proud to call Kitagawa Marin-san to receive it!"

Cheers and wolf whistles abounded as the sexy tall blonde came over to accept her envelope with cash, waving happily at everyone. "Thank you, thank you, everyone! You have been an awesome public! But my deepest thanks go to a very dear friend! Gojo-kun, this is your prize...!"

"Those are the eyes of a woman in love," Kuroneko sentenced.

"Pretty much..." Natsumi agreed.

"Are they?" Negi wondered aloud, but then he was distracted by a small and anguished hiccup coming from a few steps away. Looking in that direction, he saw Utsugi Kotoko, clearly afraid and trembling. Her gaze was fixed on a spot in the first rows of the audience, and by following it with his own sight, Negi saw a scowling woman staring back at her, in a cold and hostile silence.

Negi blinked. What in the world-

And then he felt Chisame's hand tightening around his arm. He looked back at her, and saw how pale her face was, as she stared, in a fixed way, at Tsumugi, who was about to announce the first place winner.

"Chisame-sama, I told you to calm down," Matoi said. "Your success is guaranteed. You don't need to-"

"No, you've jinxed it!" Chisame said. "Besides, I overacted too badly, and everyone could see my acne, and, and-!"

"The winners of the first place prize are the talented troupe of Hasegawa Chisame-san, Nelly Silverberg-chan, Murakami Natsumi-san, and 'Kuro Neko'-san!" Tsumugi said, rather happily.

"See?! See?!" Chisame said. "I told you that WHAAAAAT?!"

"O woman of little faith," Kuroneko smirked. "You won from the moment you threw your lot with me!"

"Alright! Alright!" Kirino tossed her arms up, hopping in place. "Nelly-chan won! Nelly-chan, be my imoutooooooo!"

Negi smiled as well, noticing the jarring change in Chisame's expression, from a disbelieving shock to a wide, shaky smile, complete with bright wet eyes stubbornly refusing to cry. His heart warmed up for her, and he gently caressed her hand, which earned him a strong, firm squeeze of his. This made him even happier for some reason, but then he heard quiet sobbing, and his head once again made a brisk turn.

Getting away from everyone, facing away from them and walking towards a corner of the backstage, Utsugi Kotoko was weeping, supporting herself against a wall, planting her hands on it. Negi instinctively looked towards the evil looking woman in the crowd, but she wasn't there anymore. He began making a sound, trying to reach back for the distressed and clearly scared girl, but then he was pulled along towards the stage by Natsumi, Chisame and Ruri.

"Come on, Sensei, they're calling us!" Natsumi said, contented and full of life as they dragged him along. "This is your moment too! Don't worry, nobody will recognize you!"

"N-No, that's not it, I, actually... uhhh..." Negi said helplessly, and then all of the spotlights were on them.

Well, he decided. He always could try to help that poor girl later. For now, he forced a smile and bowed with the others towards the clamoring public.

Kirino kissed a handkerchief and then threw it at him. It landed on his face.

 

[OverMaster]

The Terminator (of Hopes).

He stood at a corner near the arena, waiting for further instructions.

A short blonde, blue eyed female with long hair, wearing a short red dress and matching high heeled shoes, approached him with a sultry smile.

"Hey, hunk," she purred. "Your name is Tanaka, right? I saw your fight, you were great. You just had bad luck, that's all. But now, that luck's about to change..."

He looked at her expressionlessly.

She laughed. "Oh, a man of few words! That's fine, I believe that actions speak louder than words. C'me here, dude, let me show the kind of action I can deal..."

She dragged him into an alley, and then knelt before him. She undid his zipper, then the belt of his black pants. She chuckled, starting to pull his boxers down. "Oh, I can tell we're gonna have a lot of fun together, I like 'em strong but submisssive, just like-- WHAT THE FUCK?!" she screamed in horror.

He was all smooth down there, like a Ken doll.

---

Stocking was still stuffing her mouth with sweets in the same street stand when her sister rejoined her, now visibly pale and shaken.

"What's wrong?" the black haired girl asked. "Was he gay?"

"Worse!" Panty let out a weak whine. "Why, in these stories, they always make the female robots anatomically correct but not the males?!"

"Robot?" Stocking blinked.

 

[OverMaster]

Useless Senpai.

"Karin-dono, if you did fight by Eva-dono's side through centuries, then you are incredibly skilled in combat, are you not?" Kaede asked.

Karin smiled. "Of course I am. We fought through several of the worst wars in Europe, the Middle East, the Magical World, Southern Asia, Africa and the young Americas."

Kaede assumed a fighting stance. "Then this one humbly begs of you, honor this lowly one with a practice spar before this one's next match."

Asuna gasped. "Kaede, no! Even if you're that strong, a centuries-long partner of Eva will maul you…!"

"No need to fear, Asuna-dono, Karin-dono has no reasons to apply lethal force. And there are lessons to learn even from the biggest futile attempts, right, Eva-dono?"
Evangeline hummed non-commitally, her arms folded. "Rrrrmmmm!"

"I'll go easy on you then," Karin assumed a fighting stand of her own. "Show me what you have got…"

Several epic, massive and very flashes exchanges of hits and varied attacks afterwards, Karin twitched on the ground under a blinking Kaede's heel. "It was that easy…?" the kunoichi herself marveled.

"How, how could that be?!" Asuna gasped. "I thought that she couldn't be hurt?!"

"She cannot be hurt, but she can be defeated," Evangeline sentenced wearily, "and if Karin can find a way to lose, she will."

"S-Shut up!" Karin blushed, getting out from under Nagase's foot. "Like I told you, I went easy on her!"

"That looked fun!" Makie said, pulling her Pactio equipment out. "Let me try now!"

"Oh, for the love of—! " Karin growled, and lunged at her.

"Maki-chan, wait," Asuna said, "even then, she gave Kaede a good fight for a while so—Never mind!" she threw her hands up as Karin began hitting Makie around.

However, several minutes later, Makie blinked in confusion, standing over Karin's prone body. "How—How did I do this?!"

"I told you, Karin is the biggest jobber that ever existed…" Eva groaned. "Lieutenant Worf and Piccolo could take lessons from her. I kept her around mostly because she cooks well."

Arrrrrghhh! Karin thought, mortified. I can't let her see me like this…! Again…! I've got to redeem myself!

Yue pulled two books out and twirled them around in her hands. "I would like to be granted a spar, as well."

"Oh, for Pete's sake, Yue, you too?!" Asuna gasped.

Karin sprung back and pounced. "DIE!"

Several moments of intense and brutal fighting heavily misbalanced in Karin's favor… Karin was down again, with a puzzled Yue still standing. "I… I can't even fathom how I have just done that…" Ayase confessed.

"Yue, you're the greatest…!" Nodoka swooned.

Chachamaru smirked very vaguely. "I have just recorded all of this for posterity."

"There's no need for you to remark on that, you automaton!" Karin roared.

Asuna took pity on Karin, so she asked for a fight next and threw the match. Karin must have noticed it, regardless, since she was thankful enough to treat her to dinner later…

 

[OverMaster]

"You did it! You did it! Despite Kuroneko, you did it!" Kirino said, throwing herself to hug Negi tightly as soon as he, Chisame, Natsumi and Ruri descended from the stage. With the event over, the crowd was scattering for the next few attractions, chatting contentedly. Kyosuke rolled his eyes back and groaned to himself. "What a wonderful Mahou Shoujo Imouto you were, Nelly-chan!"

Matoi frowned, grabbed Kirino by the back of her collar, and easily tugged her back from Negi. "Watch your hands, hussy!"

"Ah!" Saori here. "You still were here? I thought you'd wandered away!"

"I've been here the whole time," Matoi told her calmly, putting Kirino down.

"We'll split the purse evenly between all four of us," Kuroneko said stoically. She pulled a large stack of yen bills from the envelope she'd been given, counted them quickly, and began distributing them between herself, Negi, Chisame and Natsumi. "It's a big prize so there should be enough for all of us to be satisfied, even after dividing the result.
"
"This never was about the money," Natsumi said, accepting her part regardless. "But thank you very much! I had a lot of fun, actually! Did you, Chisame?"

Chisame groaned. "It's not the kind of fun I want to repeat anytime soon."

Natsumi looked at Saori, Kyosuke and Kirino. "That means she indeed had fun. Otherwise, she'd be screaming at us."

"We have a friend who is just like that!" Saori nodded, as a thought balloon with the face of Kurusu Kanako in it.

"Smartass," Chisame murmured.

"Language, please," Negi said.

Kirino said, regarding him with longing again. "It's a huge pity that you weren't born a girl!" she moaned. "I always wanted to have a cute, smart and responsible Imouto like you! Little sisters are the best!"

"Sometimes, at least," Kyosuke grouched.

"What was that?!" Kirino growled at him.

"Nothing."

She huffed, and then went over to play with the wig of an annoyed Negi. "Do you have a sister anywhere, Sensei?"

"W-Well, as a matter of fact, I do..." he admitted.

Kirino's eyes shone. "OHHH! That's wonderful! Please introduce her to us sometime! I'll give you my phone number, and my e-mail address, and my Twitter, and, do you still use Facebook?"

"I never used one at all, in the first place," Negi had to confess.

"No way! They really raised you sheltered, huh?" Kirino blinked before grinning evilly. "And even so, you're bold! Look at this, you even put on panties for the sketch!" she chuckled, flipping the shrieking Negi's skirt up with a hand...

And then there was a female scream, coming from a side, and the loud sound of a body hitting the floor.

Chisame, Negi and Natsumi whipped their heads around in that direction, and saw a wide eyed Haruna, still in her haunted house cosplay, standing next to a collapsed Ayaka, also in her Morrigan Aensland outfit. Ayaka had blood all over her face, leaking profusely from the nose, and her limbs twitched randomly, in every direction.

"I-IINCHOU-SAN!" Negi panicked.

"Omigosh!" Saori gasped. "We've just killed Ayaka-san! We aren't even human!"

Haruna blinked, and then waved weakly at Kirino. "Hey there, Kiri-chan. Should've expected you to be here! How's life?"

"We just won the first prize here, Paru!" Kirino said proudly.

"You didn't do a single thing!" Kuroneko said while Negi and Natsumi helped a comatose Ayaka back up, the blonde hiccuping rapidly.

"Hey, that was MY script you were reciting up there!" Kirino reminded her.

"We won DESPITE of it, not BECAUSE of it!" Kuroneko said. "There's a reason why those two episodes are widely regarded as some of the worst in the series!"

"Says who, you and your small band of haters?" Kirino shot back. "Most critics are favorable! I've got a steady Fresh in the Tomatomer!"

"The Tomawhat?" Chisame asked.

Kyosuke sighed. "Don't think about it, Hasegawa-san. Just take your teacher and flee with him before it's too late. There's still time for both of you to escape this world..."

"Nope, I'm going to be with them forever!" Haruna said peppily.

"Then all is lost for you," Kyosuke told Chisame grimly. "My condolences..."

"Duly accepted. Thank you, you at least tried," Chisame answered.

"Panties with bulge!" Ayaka said spastically. "The most adorable little bulge ever! And frills...!"

 

[OverMaster]

Realization.

Karin and Eva looked at Asuna from afar.

"Those eyes, that face," Karin hummed. "Is she related to the Ostian royal family?"

"What? No, of course not!" Eva scoffed.

"Why are you so sure?" Karin asked.

Evangeline rolled her green eyes back. "Isn't it obvious, dolt? She's a nobody Konoe picked up out of pity! Without him, she'd be living the life of a beggar! Why, I remember the day I first saw her…"

---

Ten Years Ago:

Eva glanced again at the expressionless kid who was being escorted out of the Headmaster's office by Takahata.

"Those eyes, that face…" the vampire said. "Is she—"

"No, she's just a poor orphan Takamichi found in Europe," the old man said. "Please come in, I've got something very important to tell you. It's about Nagi…"

---

Karin glared at her old master. "You know there are means to change someone's age and wipe their minds, don't you?"

"Of course there are, but why to bother with a pitiful stray like Kagur—"

"You've been training her of late, haven't you?" Karin insisted. "Through those sessions, hasn't she ever displayed any signs of magic cancel or anything like that?"

"…" Evangeline said, eyes widening slightly.

"Why is she named Asuna, just like Princess Asuna Vesperina of Ostia?" Karin added. "Ever gave that any thought through those ten last years?"

"…!" Evangeline said, trembling all over.

"See, this is why you need me around!" Karin argued. "Without me, these details always slip past you!"

Evangeline took her head back and screamed.

"KONOE!"

In his office, Konoemon felt a sudden large chill run up his spine.

"How odd," he mused. "Why do I feel like calling my life insurance company now?"

 

[OverMaster]

Un-Bear-Able Situation.

"Test your might!" the man smiled, handing Issei a giant mallet. "If you're strong enough, you'll win a prize teddy for your ladylove!"

Issei stared at the adorable plush bears lined up along the stand. "Alright! Banchou should love one of these!"

For a devil, she sure had an appreciation towards cute things, after all.

Issei grinned, rolled his sleeves up, held the mallet firmly, and slammed it down.

The metal puck flew up, zooming all the way to the bell in the top. It hit said bell brutally, and then both went spiralling into the stratosphere, until they became twin bursting balls of fire.

The owner of the stand blinked helplessly, his eyes fixed on the sky. "UWAAAAA!"

Issei chuckled nervously, reaching for his wallet. "I, I'll pay for the damage and the bear!"

---

"Banchou, look at this!" Issei ran up to her. "I just won this prize for you!"

"Oh, Issei, it's so lovely! Thank you!" the busty redhead said, grabbing the plush bear. Then she handed it over to the girl with her. "Akeno, put it with the ones you, Koneko, Kiba and Asia gave me, will you?"

"Yes, naturally," Akeno said, grabbing the bear and putting it with four, much, much, MUCH bigger ones in the small cart she was pulling along the Festival.

Issei stared on. "Eeeeeehhhh!"

---

A dejected Issei walked back to the man. "Please give me the mallet again," he asked.

The man looked at him suspiciously. "You ain't gonna break the rest of my stand, are you?"

"No, no… Just give it to me, okay?" he sighed, paying him already.

Reluctantly, the man gave him the mallet.

Issei used it to hit himself in the head.

 

[OverMaster]

Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

---

But your Princess is in Another Castle.

---

"Aaaaaaand that's the whole story!" Jack Rakan grinned as his movie presentation ended, amidst the glorious fanfares of illegally appropriated John Williams music. "Nagi became a hero and a household name in the Magical World, and peace was restored! And we all lived happily ever after!"

"Bravooo! Bravoooo!" Aisaka Sayo clapped her tiny hands happily. "I'm so moved...! You, you people truly were the greatest...!"

"Gotta hand it to you, old kook, that was some really cool shit!" Natsu Dragneel said. "I've gained some mad respect for you today!"

Wendy Marvell sniffed, wiping the tears off her eyes with a fist. "I'm so glad Princess Arika was saved! I was very worried about her!"

Happy stopped snoring at a corner and blinked sleepily, sitting up. "Ah? Is it over already? Sorry, I always fall asleep through long movies...!"

But Negi himself, Chisame, Louise, Collet, Erza, Juvia, Yue, Nodoka, Kotaro, Rito, Skuld, 'Asuna', Tsukuyomi, Lucy, Carla, Haruka, Yukino, Gray, Juvia, and even Jean-Luc were only staring icily at the tall, tanned mercenary.

Rakan's ever present smile faltered. "... what? Not enough fanservice and explosions for your liking?"

"And what happened then?" Negi asked.

"Whaddya mean 'What happened then?'" Rakan asked. "Wasn't that enough?"

"No, of course not!" Chisame said. "It's obvious that that isn't the end of the story!"

"But it is!" Natsu argued. "It had the words 'The End' and everything!"

Erza planted her fist on his face, and then barked at Rakan. "You know perfectly well what we're talking about! Currently, Princess Arika is officially treated as a war criminal and public enemy! Why, this movie would be treated as glorification of a terrorist leader and would have you jailed!"

Rakan rolled his eyes back, starting to pick his nose. "Ah, the lil' girl aiding wanted terrorists is now lecturing me on not painting terrorists as heroes! Makes perfect sense..."

"That's not the point and you know it!" Lucy said. "That only starts explaining how we collectively got here!"

"There's still the matter of how Negi's father disappeared," Chisame began counting with her fingers, "and why Cosmo Entelecheia's still around if you allegedly wiped them out, and why that woman looks so much like Kagurazaka, and-!"

Rakan blinked innocently, putting his hands together. "They look alike? Seriously? I don't see any resemblance, past the colored eyes, and that's such a common trait...!"

"That's bull!" Asuna shouted. "Even here, I haven't ever ran into anyone who has heterno- heterio- this mismatched eye thing I've always had!"

Yukino blinked at her. "You've lived with that condition for fifteen years and you still can't pronounce it?"

"I can't stand people who can't even talk correctly and keep messing words up," Haruka said with a completely straight face.

"TSK! TSK!" Rakan wagged a mighty finger. "I'm not Zack Snyder, I wasn't going to make a bloated four hours long mess that couldn't even cover the whole epic anyway! This is just the first part! Watching the other two installments will cost you extra!"

"Put them on Makarov's tab!" Erza demanded.

Rakan laughed, with a hand behind his head. "I'd love to, but I haven't filmed them yet anyway! I was thinking of a Kickstarter...!"

"How about this for a Kickstarter!?" Chisame said, kicking him in the stomach while Louise kicked him in a leg. "Screw your home movies, just tell us what happened later, this is important!"

"I can't, even if you paid me," Rakan said very seriously.

"Why not?" Negi asked.

"I promised your old man and your mom," Rakan said. "You aren't ready yet. Still too young!"

"Oh, but he isn't too young to be put through life threatening training and constant abuse just so he can fight your battles for you, right?!" Chisame roared. "You almost got him turned into an inhuman beast!"

"To be fair, I did that to myself," Negi pointed out.

"Is that Arika woman Sensei's mother, then?" Yue asked.

"I'm not talkin'!" Rakan said, zipping his mouth up. Literally. Don't ask.

Nodoka frowned and pulled Diarium Ejus out.

Rakan unzipped his mouth. Again, don't ask, please. "Just try it, Cutie! I can't be forced to think into anything you want me to! Jack Rakan's willpower is unbreakable! I'll just think of the most unpleasant thing for you, instead!"

"We will see," Nodoka said, lowering her gaze to the open pages. "Rakan-san, is Arika-hime-sama Negi-sensei's- WHAT, WHAT IN THE WORLD?!" she shrieked, blushing. "Why would y-you have these kinds of thoughts?!"

Kotaro blinked, then hurried over to look at the pages as well. He blushed too, and then jumped ahead, punching Rakan in the midsection and sending him crashing against a wall. "ARE YOU NUTS?! HOW CAN YOU SHOW THAT TO A LADY?!"

Haruka leaned closer to Nodoka, blinking in curiosity. "What have you-"

"I, I, I won't let any of you see!" Nodoka said, slamming the book closed and shuddering. "I almost feel tempted to burn it now! My precious book will never be clean again!"

"Oh, for the love of- It's your world!" Tsukuyomi told Erza. "You still should know the basics of what came later, it should be public knowledge! Why do you need to ask this oaf?"

"Well," Lucy hummed, rubbing her chin, "the official story is that shortly after those events Princess Arika seized the throne of her country, disposed of the rest of the royal family including her father and her sister Vesperina, and then dragged it into a war that razed half of Ostia and its neighboring countries. There are several versions about her death, but most have her torn apart by demons. It's very clear that she is dead by this point, however."

Negi blanched in horror. "That, that is just plain awful!"

"It's in all school textbooks," Collet shrugged. "But I suppose that it's entirely possible that she was indeed a good person and she was framed for all those things."

"That, that only makes her fate more horrible and tragic!" Negi despaired.

Rakan nodded somberly, casually punching Kotaro aside when the dog boy tried to hit him again. "Yeah, that much I can tell. The Princess was one of the good guys. There wasn't a single evil bone in her body. She was framed."

"And where were you while that happened?" Chisame accused him coldly.

Rakan hewed and rasped loudly. "It's a complicated story! It's not a clean cut, black and white thing...!"

Everyone, now including Sayo, Natsu, Happy and Wendy, glared at him suspiciously.

Rakan sighed heavily. "What's wrong with today's youth? You're all so cynical! You shoulda been all happy and cheering after that finely filmed finale, like you were in Negima canon!"

"It's Chisame's influence rubbing off on all of us," Asuna said, "but fine, if you won't tell us, we'll find about it some other way!"

"Such as?" Gray asked. "We could try calling Makarov, but odds are he'll be just as unhelpful."

Asuna made a very serious face. "The Joker's been snooping around this world, after arriving at roughly the same time as us, and he knew enough about what's going on to know where he could find us and Sextum. So we're going to find him, beat the crap outta him, and then make him tell us what he has learned."

Everyone now stared at her in shock.

"Oh. ... oh!" Nodoka began laughing very shakily after a moment. "P-Please, Asuna-san! This isn't the time for jok-"

But Negi shook his initial shock off and nodded grimly. "Yes," he said, interrupting Nodoka without really meaning to. "His methods are merciless and cruel, but also faster than ours, I'm afraid. Already, he must have extracted a lot of key info from God knows how many victims, and he must intend it for use in nefarious purposes..."

"Oh, come on!" Chisame said. "You too?!"

There was a long, pointed silence then.

"Is it too late by now for me to leave this party and go back home?" Collet asked weakly.

Louise half-heartedly bopped her riding crop on the dog girl's head. "Yes. Yes, it is," she said blandly.

"Ah. I just wanted to make sure..."

 

[Amatsumi]

There is something wrong if Joker is a better source of info than Rakan.

 

[OverMaster]

Busy Day.

"Hey, Red," a young man said, approaching her after the latest match. "You've been great so far!"

Asakura laughed. "Why, thank you! Do you want an autograph from one of the fighters? I can get you a few, for a reasonable fee..."

He thought about it. Maybe one from that Sakurazaki girl, that would be really nice. But... "Nah," he ended up telling her. "Actually, I was wondering what will you be doing after the tournament is over..."

"Ah, that!" Kazumi said. "I'm going to be ushering on the start of a new era brought by astonishing revelations, and reporting on the start of a chain of sensational and worldwide changes, so I'm afraid I won't have a lot of time for dating in the near future! Sorry!"

He blinked a few times, turned, and began walking away.

"How did it go?" asked one of the friends waiting for him around the corner.

"Let's go ask the girls in the Tankery exhibition. This one's crazy."

 

[OverMaster]

Post Script.

The Alien God was defeated.

Proper human history had been restored.

"And now, Master, congratulations are in order," Holmes told Ritsuka. "We suffered many losses through our way, but we can return to the Throne of Heroes, and you can return to the course of your previous life. You know the meaning of that, don't you?"

Ritsuka smiled sadly and extended his hands ahead. "How long have you known?"

"Since the day we first met, naturally," Holmes said, handcuffing him much to Mash's shock. "Your zeal to prove yourself, to redeem yourself. Your unwilligness to talk about your past, your capacity to accept and synchronize with some of mankind's worst, and then there is how easily you enlisted for a job overseas, suddenly cutting any contact with your homeland. Finding out exactly who had you wronged took me a longer time, obviously, with your timeline and the evidence destroyed, but there is no mystery that Sherlock Holmes cannot overcome eventually! To your credit, I believe that you are truly regretful, and that you have more than made up for your past. But you still have to answer to the authorities."

"Mr. Holmes, please wait!" Mash gasped. "What are you doing?!"

"I am arresting Mr. Fujimaru for the homicide of his parents and sister, naturally, my dear Miss Kyrielight," Holmes said, starting to lead a docile Ritsuka away. "Please do try and have a happy life. It has been a honor."

The door closed after them, and she never saw them again.

Eventually, she married Meuniere and had a somewhat happy life with him and their three children.

 

[OverMaster]

They had parted ways with Kirino, Kuroneko, Kyosuke and Saori now. Negi, Chisame, Natsumi, Ayaka and Haruna sat under a tree, apart from the crowds.

Ayaka sighed, briefly closing her eyes. "Y-You keep pulling Negi-sensei into so many troublesome situations! Natsumi, I truly expected better from you...!"

Natsumi huffed, taking her wig off and shoving it down on her own lap. "Well, now that those people are gone, I can talk freely on this subject, Iinchou! Today's event was nothing, compared to all you've been pulling Sensei through over the last few months!"

"What do you mean?" Haruna asked.

Negi took a deep breath. "She knows, Haruna."

"What?!" Ayaka almost jumped out of her skin.

"Oh... Oh!" Haruna said. "How did you find out?" she asked the actress.

"I saw him jumping through time with... that thing," Natsumi grumbled, pointing at the Cassiopeia Negi was checking on, pulling it out of his breast pocket for a moment now that he was back in his regular clothes. "Then I made him tell me everything."

"So that's how it went," Chisame said. "It was obvious that you knew now, from the way you were acting."

"Natsumi..." Ayaka gulped. "S-Sorry over keeping you and Chizuru in the dark for so long. It's all for your own best interests, and also Sensei's..."

Natsumi frowned, avoiding eye contact with her. "Sure thing! I accept your word on it! What do I know about these subjects, after all?!"

"Hey," Paru grinned, "now that you know, you're welcome to join us too!"

"No, thanks," Natsumi frowned, hugging her legs against herself.

Chisame puffed out, stood up, and dusted herself off. "Sensei, why don't you just go visit Zazie now? It's clear that we've got to discuss a few things with Murakami here. It's a matter that must be settled between women."

"But-" Negi began objecting.

"You know what? Chi-chan's right, men are clueless when it comes to these things! Don't worry, it's not like we're gonna fight each other!" Haruna promised.

"Right, because how could I even start putting up a fight?" Natsumi asked.

"Oh, don't be so passive-agressive!" Haruna said, taking her by a hand and starting to lead her away, with Ayaka following them cautiously. "I mean, it's cute, but it's clearly making you suffer!"

"I'm not suffering at all, but you will be if you don't let go of my hand right now!" the uncharacteristically assertive Murakami said as she was led away.

"I'll catch up to you in a moment!" Chisame promised, staying behind with Negi. Then she looked back at him. "I need to thank you before I leave. What you just did, for my sake... nobody had ever done anything like that for me before. I know you didn't like it, and yet..."

"Think nothing about it," Negi shrugged. "You don't need to compensate me or anything."

"I don't feel well if I don't repay my debts," she said, crouching before him. She placed her hands on his shoulders, smiled a bit, rather awkwardly, and rasped. "It's just a matter of pride, you'll understand..."

He smiled back. She was so pretty when she smiled...

And then she placed a small, chaste kiss on his forehead.

Negi gasped, sputtered, choked mildly, and pulled back with a blush.

Chisame, blushed slightly herself, smiled again, half closing her eyes. "N-No... That won't do," she said. "Not after making a fool out of yourself just to bail me out..."

She slumped her shoulders, breathed in and out, and added, "What the heck, you're my Magister anyway."

"Eh?" he said, weakly.

And then she kissed his mouth. His eyes widened hugely. It was the first time she kissed him in the mouth since the excursion into Library Island, and overall the third one she'd done such a thing.

She didn't push her tongue in, but it was a deeper, longer kiss than any of their previous ones, although it also was relatively short and fast. She stood back from him, smiled a third time while unable to say something, and then just dashed after Natsumi, Haruna and Ayaka's trail, disappearing into the crowd.

Negi stared on after her, fascinated, just sitting there in complete silence.

Eventually, Chamo found him, still in the same spot. "Oh, Bro, there you are! I'd been looking for you everywhere! Haruna and Class Rep went out saying they'd go look for you hours ago, what have you been-"

"Life is wonderful," a mesmerized Negi said.

"Eh?" the ermine asked.

Negi jumped up to his feet and threw his arms up. "I can take on anything this world throws at me...!"

"Whoa!" Chamo recoiled in sudden fear. "Famous last words there...!"

---

Next: Zazie's Dead Moon Circus!

 

[OverMaster]

"Well, that was a huge waste of our time," 'Kojiro' said as he and 'Nagi' left the Komedy Klub in the East District. "That was the worst comedy act I've ever seen!"

"I think it gains a lot when one has a solid knowledge of ancient Latin," Negi shrugged. "But yes, I didn't get all those jokes about cuckoos and buck breaking. Were those related to monetary units or deer?"

"Beats me," Kotaro said. "Do you really think we'll find any clues about the Joker this way?" he lowered his voice as they walked down the street.

"His obsession with comedy and humor is too great, we're bound to find him if we keep visiting these places," his partner reasoned. "With your sense of smell, it won't be easy for him to disguise himself."

Then he stopped around a corner, pulling a Pactio card out of his robes and pressing it against his forehead. Kotaro came to a halt as well, looking back at him.

"Hello, Lena? It's been a while," Negi said. "Mmm! Mm-hmm! Well, yes, that's great!" He smiled, and then told Kotaro. "Lena, Webby, Twilight and Spike have found Chachamaru!"

"Seriously? That's great!" Inugami smirked, following Negi as he gestured for him to follow him into an alley, away from any listening passerbys. Kotaro waited until Negi was done with his telepathic conversation and pocketed his card back, and then urged him, "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, the search party says she landed in Twilight's own homeland of Equestria, and she's on her way here," Negi said. "What a relief! I was starting to think Sextum or Quartum had captured her, and used her sensors to find us..."

"Well, this plan of yours is finally starting to pay off," Kotaro said, hands in his pockets as they left the dark alley. "I won't complain about the fights, but after Nodoka-neechan and Chisame found us, I was starting to think that nobody else would answer your clues on TV!"

"You're forgetting Sayo," Negi chided him lightly. "But yes, I was starting to get worried about its effectiveness myself. I'm afraid the rest of the team might be jailed or worse, in the hands of our enemies. I can't be at ease until they are here with us... safe..." he finished blandly as he found himself face to face with a long magical spear aimed at him.

Kotaro just sighed, closed his eyes and shook his head, as another armored Ariadne Knight also leveled another massive spear against him. "You can't even keep your own boxers safe! Look at this, all that snooping across town called attention to us!"

"Shouldn't you have smelled them before this?" Negi asked calmly.

"They must have magical defenses against that in these armors," Kotaro shrugged, "because I can't smell anything from them even now. It makes sense since they are supposed to hunt magical beasts regularly."

"You are under arrest in the name of the Coalition of Nations!" said a feminine voice from within the armor of the figure holding Negi hostage. Negi thought he recognized the voice, but the highly concealing helmet made it impossible to see the person's face, and also deformed the tone of her delivery. "They have called for Ariadne's womanpower to search for and apprehend you!"

"What are the charges against us?" Kotaro asked. "We're just honest gladiators fighting in legal colosseum battles! True, we had a street brawl last week, but we were attacked and defended ourselves, and the City Council found us-"

"You are under suspicion of being wanted criminals Negi Springfield and Inugami Kotaro," the other Valkyrie holding Kotaro at spearpoint said. "Please come with us peacefully."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've heard!" Kotaro laughed. "If we were those people, surely we'd be in hiding!"

"Yes! We couldn't possibly be that dumb!" Negi said, smiling. "This is only a misunderstanding!"

There were three other Valkyries standing behind the two leading ones, one as short as Yue, the other of mid-height and thin, and a tall, full bodied one, with large expanded breast plates. "If you're not Negi and Kotaro, then you'll be let go quickly after a questioning session," this tallest of the trio said, with a husky voice Negi thought to recognize, as well. "Come on, boys. What is so scary about coming downtown with us, hmmmm?"

Negi and Kotaro sighed and shared a jaded look. "Women, amirite?" Kotaro said.

"If they were men, odds are they'd have hit first instead of trying a rational approach," Negi said. "Why must you be like this?"

"Don't think less of us just because we are women!" the one pointing the weapon at Negi barked angrily. "Globus Captans!" she chanted, and a large bubble of glowing energy sprang from her spear, enveloping the boys and locking them inside of it.

"Well!" the lean and middle-height Valkyrie said. "That was easy!"

"You just jinxed it..." her shortest comrade monotoned.

"How can I jinx it?!" the other one argued, ponting at the trapped duo. "If that's indeed Negi, he can't escape something like that! He isn't that strong!"

"You know each other?" Kotaro hummed. "Of course you do, you know all girls everywhere."

"Maybe I do," Negi said, placing his hand on the bright inside surface of the bottle. "Let's see, I think I can pinpoint the weak spot here..."

"You can't, and you shouldn't touch that, you'll burn your hand!" the apparent leader of the outfit said before simulating a phone with a hand and talking through it. "Hello? Unit Leader Sevensheep here! We have just found two suspects of- GAHHHH!" she screamed, her blue eyes bugging out through the helmet's visor.

For Negi had just tightened his hand around a section of the bubble shaped energy net and crushed it into so many small shreds of energy fluttering down to the pavement.

"Magic cancel?!" the second Knight at the lead gasped.

"Hardly, just an application of reversing the magic's applied polarity so it would collapse on itself," Negi said, dusting his hands off. "Now, if you would please just listen-"

"Kirche, Tabitha!" the thinner of the bunch growled, rushing with her own, smaller spear and racing past the two at the lead to charge the young men directly. "Give them no quarter!"

"Oh, this isn't how I like to jump on men's bones!" the busty and tall one groaned, nonetheless joining the charge and trying to stab at a side of Kotaro- only to be flung back into the air, along her four companions, at a spin of Negi's arms, since Kotaro only stood back watching. "What the Haaaaaades?!"

"Rude!" Kotaro disapproved as the girls in armor hit the ground. "We should just split instead of hitting them!"

"They found us, so they can learn our location from just asking in the stadium," Negi said, assuming a martial arts position while the girls got back up very quickly. "Running only stalls an inevitable confrontation, but if we still can reason with them..."

"That does sound like something Negi would say," the tallest of the bunch told the others. "You sure you still want to hit him?"

"If it's Negi, then that's all the more reason to do it!" the squad leader insisted. "We can't let our feelings betray us! He betrayed Ariadne by kidnapping Collet!"

"And Master Louise?" Negi asked, frowning.

"Who cares about Louise the- Ahhh, it's you!" the squad leader gasped. She gave several small jumps back. "What have you done with Collet, you evil gateport blowing freak?! Answer before I call for reinforcements!"

"What a pain," Kotaro said, shaking his head. "Just do it already!"

"Should I?" Negi doubted. "That'll only make them madder at me!"

"We know it's how this will end up anyway!" the wolf boy rolled his eyes up. "We aren't going to pummel the crap outta them and like you said, running is pointless, so just do it and save us some headache!"

Negi sighed and aimed ahead, at the girls who were falling in line with each other, tentatively training their spears on him. "Flans Exarmatio!" he shouted as his whole right arm glowed a burning crimson...

And then Emily Sevensheep, Beatrix Monroe, Kirche Augusta Frederica von Anhalt Zerbst, Montmorency Margarita la Fere de Montmorency and Tabitha all flew across the narrow lonely street, slamming against a wall and slumping down to the ground, stunned, spiral eyed, and completely naked.

"Just like I thought, I do know them after all," Negi sighed, taking his long coat off, walking over to Emily, and putting it on her first as a deference to her rank. "I spent around two weeks with them in Ariadne, they are classmates of Master Louise, Twilight and Collet."

"Color me surprised," Kotaro said blandly, taking his shirt off and putting it on a dazed Tabitha, since she looked the most vulnerable and in need of protection. "But in that case, you can convince them to listen to us, right? Since you were friends?"

"Friends is perhaps too strong a word," Negi said as Emily finally reacted; the first thing she did after regaining some awareness was stretching an arm upwards to squeeze her hand around his neck, as strongly as she could.

Much to her annoyance, she only hurt her fingers.

 

[OverMaster]

Bad Companies.

"—and then I told him 'No, but you are making everything around her uglier!'" Yamai Ren finished her anecdote, and she and the girls in her surrounding fanclub laughed. Then her phone rang. "Excuse me, it must be from Komi-sa—"

Then her jaw hung loose at the message she'd just received.

Hey u fukkin stalker ure such an annoyance U think urself such hot shit but ur just an eyesore who cant get a hint What a simp lol

Elsewhere in the Festival, Tadano Hitohito walked back to Komi's side, holding a large cone of ice cream in each hand.

"Sorry I took so long, Komi-san, that was a really long line!" Then he blinked and smiled, seeing Komi standing face to face with one Otonashi Meru, both of them diligently working on their cellphones. "Oh, you made a new friend! And she's teaching you how to be more at ease with texting, I see!"

 

[OverMaster]

Step by Step.

"Rei-chan, Rei-chan!" Usagi said. "Let's go hit the Tunnel of Love!"

"With you? Forget it! I told you that I don't swing that way!" Hino said, without looking back at her.

"Awww! Then, what about the rollercoaster?!" Usagi said.

"I don't like heights…"

"I know! Let's go to the haunted house!"

"That's so stupid!" Rei said. "Cheap places of staged supernatural experiences, with rubber bats and bedsheet ghosts! Please!"

"Then… what do you say if we go eat hamburgers?"

"Ohhh, fine! Alright, if it'll shut you up!" Rei threw her hands up. "Hamburgers it is!"

"Yay!"

---

Naru waved at her as she approached. "Hey! How did that go?"

Usagi grinned very widely and grabbed Naru by the shoulders. "She loves me enough for a hamburger!"

 

[OverMaster]

Someone knocked at the door.

Chisame closed the book she'd been reading. She had been forced to take book reading of late. Much to her surprise, it actually was somewhat like being reading in the Internet, but without the interactivity. She thought it kind of sucked, but it still was the closest thing to the Internet in this crappy world, so she was stuck with it for the time being.

"Who is it?" she asked Nodoka.

Miyazaki sighed, put her own book down, and summoned Diarium Ejus, pointing it at the closed door. "It's just Sensei and Kotaro-kun," she said. "But they brought guests."

"Then it's not 'just' them," Chisame said.

"There is no need to nitpick, Chisame-san. You know what I'm saying," the librarian said in a calm voice.

"Are those guests-" Chisame began.

"Kotaro-kun is grumbling inwardly about them and Negi-sensei is very nervous. So girls. They definitely have to be girls," Nodoka said.

Louise came out of the next room and stomped all the way to the door, whip well in hand. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! This bloody Don Juan can't rest idle for long!" She threw the door open. "Okay, let's see what kind of two-bit harlot you have-!"

Kirche threw herself on Louise, laughing loudly and hugging her tightly. "Bwa ha ha ha!" she said. "Zero, it's actually great to see you again! I won that bet against Petunia, who insisted you were dead...!"

"AAAHHHHHH!" Louise kicked and waved her arms wildly, her head trapped between Kirche's melons. "It's the mother of all two-bit harlots...! Chisame, help meeeeee!"

Collet peeked out of another room, her nose twitching. "Girls? GIRLS!" she yelled, throwing herself with open arms towards the door, and then crouching down to wag her tail and ears before the group of newcomers Negi and Kotaro were ushering in, then to close the front door after them. "Girls, you found us! You finally found us!"

Beatrix smiled faintly, then pulled a bone shaped biscuit out of her breast pocket and threw it at her. Collet caught it with her mouth and swallowed it happily while Beatrix scratched her head.

Emily sighed. "You are all under arrest in the name of the Coalition of Nations," she said in a very weary tone. "Any of you willing to plead for mercy as a hostage should file a proper request to the effect..."

"Where do I sign?" Chisame deadpanned.

"Oh, dear, it seems that I forgot the forms back at our hotel," Emily deadpanned back. "You will have to wait for them in prison..."

"Chisame, please, I'm suffocating...!" Louise wailed.

Tsukuyomi walked in, adjusting her glasses. "Oh, but if it's the bunch of girls from Ariadne! What a pleasant surprise, said absolutely no one ever!"

"GAH!" Montmorency backed away, pointing a wand at her, her example being quickly followed by Emily and Tabitha. "It's you! The psycho attacker from that night!"

"It's okay, I have hired her as my bodyguard, so there's no reason to be wary of her as long as you keep your eyes on her and there's someone else in the room with you and her," Negi explained.

"That's not a reassuring sentence at all! Not in the slightest!" Montmorency said vehemently.

"Oh, girls, it's you. Well, I suppose it was just a matter of time," Yue said, blinking slowly while also walking into the room. "I trust that you'll be willing to listen to us, after all-" She paused, seeing Emily and Collet walking in circles and sniffing at each other's tail. "Good evening, Class Rep."

"Ah!" Emily said, straightening up, clicking her heels together, and sporting a remarkable blush. "Good evening, Ayase Yue! Just to remind you, you weren't in the actual Wanted List, so you're free to just denounce your kidnappers and then return with us to-"

"I'm sorry, but I'm as guilty as they are," Yue said evenly, walking to Negi's side and wrapping her arm around his. Louise made several muffled angry noises from between Kirche's breasts. "Thanks for your generosity, all the same."

"... you're welcome," Emily said, scowling in disappointment. She looked around. "Where are the Fairy Tail guild members? Negi said that you are cohabitating with several of them!"

"They don't spend their whole time here, they have their own living quarters in the city that they must keep to hold appearances," Chisame said. "How do you do, I'm Hasegawa Chisame..."

"And thanks for all the help, too!" Louise puffed bitterly, swallowing for air after finally wrenching herself free from the giggling Kirche's hug.

"Ah, the second in command of the conspiracy," Emily said, looking at Chisame. "The so-called Evil Queen of Scheming..."

"You must be mistaking me with Haruna to some degree," Chisame said. "Look, I'll admit that most of us aren't saints, but we were framed and, if you really have known Negi for any long, you'll have realized that he doesn't have the guts for any-"

There was a sharp loud scream from another room, in Skuld's unmistakable voice, of "AGAIN, YOU FILTHY FREAK?!" and then a naked Rito, fresh off the shower, flew into the living room through a closed door, and slammed facefirst into Montmorency's crotch.

 

[OverMaster]

Unfortunate Naming.

"This team of yours, Charles," Dr. McTaggert asked. "How will ye call them?"

Xavier smiled. "It may be a bit selfish, but I've been thinking about subtly naming them after myself."

"Oh?" Moira raised an eyebrow.

Xavier raised a fist. "They shall be called… The C-Men!"

Magneto died of laughter in their first confrontation. On the other hand, sadly, Warren killed himself shortly after, out of sheer shame…

 

[OverMaster]

"NO WAY!" Kirche said. "You have met THE Jack Rakan?!"

Yue nodded, noticing all too well how suddenly stiff and strangely fully-open-eyed Beatrix had become in her sitting place. "Yes," Ayase said. "He is quite a... colorful personality."

"Are you sure he is the real Rakan?" Tabitha asked blandly. "Not an impostor?"

"Oh, trust me, he performed feats that would be impossible to duplicate for anyone," Negi said. "He's also identical to the pictures my father had of him."

"Is it true that he has a schlong three feet long?" Kirche said.

Tsukuyomi giggled. "You'll have to ask Asuna-han! She saw him bathing!"

"It was an accident! AN ACCIDENT!" Asuna growled, red faced.

Beatrix looked at Collet in an imploring way. "Collet. Please tell me that you got it for me..."

Collet smiled and nodded. "Of course I did!" She then handed her a signed picture of Jack, who was grinning and giving a thumbs up. For a second, Emily thought she actually saw the picture winking too, and it creeped her out. "I couldn't let you down, Bea!"

Beatrix shivered ever so slightly, her normal Tabitha-level cool detachment sorely shaken. "Thank you... How can I ever repay you...?"

"How much did that perv charge you for that?" Chisame asked Collet. "You didn't have to do anything dirty, did you?"

"Oh, no, no!" Collet laughed that off. "Please don't worry about me...!"

Collet slammed her hands together. "Please, Mr. Rakan! Even if I don't have money, I'll pay you some other way! You can see my panties! No, you can even have them if you want!"

Rakan's eyes popped up. "Can I...?!" Then he blinked, looking at Collet's begging, nearly tearful expression, and he made a face. "Hyeh! Don't do that, you clever little sneak, you'll make me feel bad! Keep your panties on, I can get myself into ladies' panties anytime I want to!"

He began stroking his strong jaw while frowning. "Let's see... What if you cook dinner for me for a whole week while wearing undies and an apron...?"

"That's not really much better!" Rito said, bandaged like a mummy while Kotaro held him in place. "For a second, I thought he wasn't going to act like a scumbag for once!"

"Oh, so that's why he had diarrhea all through that night, right?" Chisame asked.

Collet blushed and nodded. "Yes..."

"Now you see why we never let her cook," Emily said.

"Ah, you got off the hook easy, then!" Montmorency smiled. "That's good!"

"Actually, I still had to cook for him wearing underwear and the apron for a week afterwards, it's just that he would throw the meals down the toilet right after," Collet said.

"Oh, so that's why rats came out the sewers dying all over the streets for a week, then," Chisame realized.

"After we save my sister we're going to have her teach you cooking, Collet," Skuld decided. "I doubt even Satsuki is up for that task."

"Thank you, Lady Skuld," Collet said, not offended in the slightest.

"His story is still highly dubious!" Emily said. "Do you mean that he's implying that Mr. Nagi and the Queen of Calamity were actually involved romantically!?"

"Well, Negi had to come from somewhere, right?" Chisame asked. "It's not like Nagi could give birth to him himself!"

"Are, are you saying that you really believe he's the Prince of Ostia?!" the bewildered Sevensheep demanded, jabbing a pointer several times towards the uneasy Negi. "What kind of bid for political power is this?!"

"You just don't want to accept that Nagi married another woman," Kirche said, grinning. Nodoka was actually starting to like her, despite everything. She was much like Paru in a way, although she still liked Lucy-san better.

"Mr. Nagi is for everyone!" Emily said, throwing her hands up.

"You're sounding just like the Superman fangirls on Earth who cannot accept he is with Wonder Woman," Yue smiled faintly.

"Lois Lane," Rito said.

Yue stared at him. "Lois Lane? Senpai, please! That's Clark Kent's wife!"

Tabitha looked at Skuld. "If you truly are a goddess, you can confirm whether he is Princess Arika's son or not, plus the truth of what happened to her, cannot you?"

"We are well used to Sku-chan being a tightly locked box of extremely useful info that she just won't share with us," Asuna said, sighing.

"Over half of the time you aren't ready to learn things, and the other half you wouldn't believe me if I told you! If I'd told you, back when we first met, that Negi was a Martian Prince, you would have booed me away, wouldn't you?!" the irritated Norn said.

"Sorry, you're right! Sorry, even after all we've been through together, I still doubt you, my friends, so often!" Ai pleaded, falling to her hands and knees before the Norn. "Even now, I'm not sure you can help me find Itoshiki-sensei, and I'm still so embarrassed about that!"

"Ah!" Montmorency gasped. "Who are you?! You were here?!"

Ai nodded and sobbed. "Yes, always! Sorry, but in the absence of Matoi-chan I have to keep at least one of her shticks warm!"

"As long as you don't start falling in love with me..." Chisame said and shuddered.

"Regardless, I'm not omniscient, so I have no idea about the exact circumstances of Princess Arika's death, or even whether she's truly dead or not..."

Negi's eyes snapped unnaturally open, and he turned towards her. "Do you mean... There's an actual chance she's still alive?!"

"Oh, now that you learn she's a Queen you actually start caring about her!" Skuld said. "Why weren't you asking me that all these past months?"

"I hate to admit it, but that's actually a damn good question," Chisame said, and Kotaro and Tsukuyomi nodded.

"Nobody ever gave me any reasons to believe she might be actually alive!" Negi told Skuld. "But if there's no grave anywhere, then...!"

"No grave that we know of. For all we know she's buried in a nameless plot anywhere in this world," Skuld said bluntly. "But across the alternate timelines, there are a few where Arika lives on at this point of time, indeed. Universes 6904877 and 1300818. Although-"

"Although...?" Negi repeated eagerly.

"Nothing," Skuld sighed. "But you should be warned that, if your mother turned out alive, and I'm not saying that your mother and Arika are the same person nudge nudge wink wink, she'd really want for you to secure the continuity of your bloodline as thoroughly as possible, nudge nudge wink wink."

Negi blinked. "Nudge nudge wink wink? What is that supposed to mean?"

"Yeah, Neechan, stop talking in riddles!" Kotaro said. "What are you getting to here?"

Rito, Louise, Yue, Nodoka, Asuna, Emily, Collet, Beatrix, Sayo, Ai, Tsukuyomi, Kirche and Montmorency facepalmed. Chisame was too used to Negi already and Tabitha had too much restrain, though.

"See, that's what I mean with you not being ready yet!" Skuld said. "Rakan may be an asshole but he's got a point of sorts on not telling you everything about her yet!"

"Why, was she indeed a bad person?" Negi asked.

"It's not that..." Skuld said uncomfortably. "But... you know! Royalty can't help but look at the world in their own ways! Just think of Lala!"

"Or you, for that matter," Tsukuyomi said.

"True, technically I'm divine royalty," Skuld admitted matter of factly. "Which makes that woman extra dangerous to me, she'd probably want me to marry- Gahhhh...!"

"I still don't get it," Negi hummed, "but I think you're trying to point me in the direction of her being my mother without breaking your vows of confidentiality, aren't you? She still overthrew her father, so either she or him were in the wrong. No matter what, I still have tainted blood in my family..." He began brooding.

"Hey, everyone's got black sheep in their family! That's a really ridiculous thing to get angsty about!" Chisame said.

"Not me," Louise said. "Everyone in my family is perfect!"

"You are their black sheep, haven't you realized that yet?" Kirche told her.

Louise slumped down, the same black aura of gloom that had just appeared on Negi now flowing around her as well. "I... I guess you're right, in a way... I'm the only useless person in my family... They must be glad I'm gone...!"

Somewhere, while desperately scouting the city with Keiichi, Eleonore sneezed.

 

[OverMaster]

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise Ever.

---

To Love Ru.

"Don't complain, the harem plan was your idea," Yami said flatly while Risa, Mio, Rito, Haruna and Lala waved happily. Nemesis and Nana just smirked, and Yui and Mikan stared sternly. "Well, make sure they go to sleep early. See you later."

And she closed the door after them.

Momo blinked, made a shattered smile, and waved without energy, surrounded by all the bawling babies. "Y-Yeah… It was my idea… Enjoy the movie, then…!"

 

[OverMaster]

With Friends Like These.

"Aaarrgh!" Yuuna said. "Stupid old man! He's got women's perfume all over his clothes again…!"

Akira sighed. "Yuuna-chan, we've been through this already…"

"Yeah, Yuuna-chan, your dad spends all day long in reunions with female teachers and teaching girls! Of course some perfume will rub on him every so often!" Makie said.

"Your dad's not the type who would have a girlfriend without telling you," Ako weighed in.

Yuuna sniffed. "Do you… Do you think so?"

"Yeah!" Makie said. "Don't be such a worrywart!"

"Your dad's a good man, Yuuna. He'd never do anything to hurt you on purpose," Akira said.

"Besides, eventually you'll have to let him rebuild his life," Ako opined.

Yuuna sighed. "I guess so! We'll keep this discussion later, I've got practice now, okay?"

After she was gone, the three other friends breathed out heavily.

"That was close! We've gotta be more careful next time!" Makie trembled.

"I told you that we'd gone overboard with the perfume," Ako said. "Oh, if only he weren't so manly…!"

"I'm so worried," Akira shared, sounding so very troubled. "My period just won't come yet…!"

 

[OverMaster]

The Facts of Life.

"Negi-kun," Makie said, "why do the squirrels live in trees?"

"Because otherwise they'd be rats with bushy tails, Makie," he explained sagely.

She turned around and began walking away. "How can anyone argue against that kinda logic?"

 

[OverMaster]

Once upon a time, in a far, far away land, there lived three dragons in a cabin in the woods. There was Papa Elma...

"Why am I the father?!"

Because you're the breadwinner and this is set a long time ago. There also was Mama Tohru...

"Why am I not married to Kobayashi-san?!"

Because she took the wrong path and met the crane instead. And there was Baby Kanna.

"I'm not a baby anymore..."

One afternoon they were eating soup.

"My soup is too hot! But I'll eat it anyway, I'm hungry!" Papa Elma said, and downed her plate of soup.

"Ahhh! My soup is too hot! I can't eat it like this!" Mama Tohru said.

"My soup is too hot... Wait, why do we feel it too hot? We are dragons, we literally can breathe fire," Kanna said.

"Don't think too much about it too much," Papa Elma said, pouring herself another plate of soup. "We'll go out and stroll until the soup cools down, and then we'll eat!"

They did so, but while they were out, an easygoing smiling girl wandered along. Her name was Goldie Ahko, and she was like a kogal and stuff.

"Ahhhh, what a cool little house!" Goldie Ahko said. "Like, maybe I should check it out? Sure nobody would mind, like why would they?"

Goldie Ahko walked in since the door wasn't locked, and she saw three plates of soup on the table.

"Riiiight, this is some nice lookin' soup, alright?" she smiled at said plates. "I think I'll help myself a bit, maybe it'll like help my blood pressure..."

She ate the three plates of soup, although they were still too hot, but since she took everything in stride and was very accepting, she wasn't going to leave them untouched.

"Ohhhh, I feel like resting and all that now," Goldie Ahko said, moving towards the couches.

First, she tried Papa Elma's couch.

"Aw, I don't wanna complain, but this couch is like too hard," she said. So she moved to Mama Tohru's couch.

"Ohhh, I hate being like a nitpicker, but this is too soft instead. Too bad," she said, bowing to apologize to the couch and moving towards Baby Kanna's couch.

"Ahhhhh, goood, gooood, this one's perfect! Uhaha!" she said, very pleased, and then checked the movies in the dragons' Netflix. After a while, she felt sleepy.

"Ahhhhh, uncool, I'm gonna have take a wink, you know?" she said, moving towards the beds. First she tried Mama Elma's bed.

"Ugh, like no, this is too hard."

She tried Mama Tohru's bed.

"Oigh, no, it won't work, like too, tooooo soft...
"
And then she lied on Baby Kanna's bed.

"Wonderfuuul!" she cooed, and then promptly fell asleep, blowing a small bubble of snot in and out of her nose.

The dragons came back.

"Ahhhhhhh!" Papa Elma panicked. "What in the world?! Someone at my soup too! My soup! My precious tasty soup!"

"Someone ate my soup too!" Mama Tohru said. "Oh, I hope it was Kobayashi-san!"

"Someone ate my soup, too..." Baby Kanna noted quietly. "I hope it wasn't Saikawa stalking me again..."

They checked the couches next.

"Someone sat on my couch!" Papa Elma said.

"Someone sat on my couch too," Mama Tohru said. And she sniffed the couch. "It doesn't smell like Kobayashi-san's butt! Bummer!"

"Someone sat on my couch as well," Baby Kanna saiad. She sniffed her couch. "Thank God, it doesn't smell like Saikawa's butt..."

"I'm not going to ask," Papa Elma said.

And then they checked the beds.

"Someone was in my bed!" Papa Elma said.

"Someone was in my bed too!" Mama Tohru said.

"Someone is in my bed right now..." Baby Kanna said, pointing at the sleeping Goldie Ahko.

"..." her parents said, staring on.

The author really, really likes Ahko, so the dragons took pity on her and let her go without harming her at all, from what I hear.

"THAT'S SO FREAKING UNFAIR!" every other heroine so far protested.

 

[OverMaster]

"I know this sounds hypocritical coming from me, but are you sure you can trust them?" Tsukuyomi asked after the Cadets left.

Negi breathed out. "Every step taken in this enterprise is a gamble," he told the young woman. "They weren't even here to look for us, they were just sent as a standard goodwill delegation for the festivities."

"Or so they say," she argued. "That headmistress knows that they know you well, from the time you spent together. Who better than them to set a trap for you?"

"Ariadne has sworn neutrality on these matters, and they are loyal to Collet," Negi said firmly, looking out the window. "They won't deliver us."

"You are overstimating both friendship and political principles," the swordswoman warned him. "The pressure from every world leader will make anyone crack, and academic pressure means everything to that haughty dog girl."

"If anything," Negi observed, "it's more of a liability to send young ladies who are emotionally compromised with the target."

Tsukuyomi blinked in mild surprise, and then smiled. "Why you, Negi-han…! You're starting to believe yourself the Casanova you are! It was about time, I would say…!"

"I was thinking more about their ties to Collet…" Negi rasped. "Anyway, IF they truly wanted to turn us, we'd already be assaulted by guards from every nation."

"Point!" Tsukuyomi conceded graciously.

He turned to look back at her. "Tsukuyomi-san. I wanted to tell you when we were alone, but so far, the chance had never arisen."

She giggled coquettishly. "Oh, Negi-han, and now you'll move on to actual seduction! At least wait until we find Oneesama first…"

"I think I have figured it out by now, after my memories returned," Negi told her in an even tone. "Last time we saw you, you'd thrown your lot in with the Joker, following him out of Kyoto. The next time we saw you, you were back with Sextum at the gateport, instead."

"What are you trying to get to, here?" she asked, still smiling.

"You were the Joker's mole within Cosmo Entelecheia, weren't you?" Negi prodded her gently. "It's because of you that Joker and Quartum were in the gateport. Sextum realized it shortly after, and you fought. You didn't provoke a brawl for the sake of it. That's why you were so eager to join us, because you had nowhere else to go."

"Very perceptive!" she said giddily. "Joker-han wouldn't have me back, after failing in my task, and he'd have Quartum-han tear me apart! He'd look for me anywhere, so I was in the run almost as much as you…"

Negi sighed. "Posing as Miss Erza's comrade was part of your ruse too, so you wouldn't have to use your real name in public, despite having no bounty on you in this world. But you didn't count on actual Fairy Tail members being here."

"To be fair, this is far from their country!" she said.

Negi stared at her. "Chisame and Yue would no doubt believe that you're going to turn us to Joker, but I've keeping my eye on you ever since that stunt. You haven't contacted anyone, and obviously, you can't have a Pactio with Joker…"

"I might have one with Quartum-han," she reminded him.

"He'd just use it to summon you to him and destroy you," he said. "Besides, I've looked through your things while you slept."

"All of them?" she asked seductively.

Negi blushed and forced himself to nod.

Tsukuyomi cooed, caressing his chin with a pointer finger. "So you trust me now…?"

"To a point, and only because you can't go back to them," Negi said in a strained tone. "Even if you tried to redeem yourself by delivering us, a psychopath with no loyalties like Joker would just have you killed anyway, and you know it. But, like I said, I have to operate on gambles."

"Too true," she said huskily, leaning onto him. "You've grown far less naive, far more pragmatic. I like that, and I want to think I've played a part in that. You're shaping into the kind of man I like."

He shuddered, feeling her warm breath on his face. "Thank you… From your perspective, that is praise, I'm certain…"

"It is," she said, pressing her small chest against his. "I still expect to collect my payment from you, you know, and every day I serve you, my fee becomes higher. Learning that I'm serving royalty has raised it further."

She reached over, stroking the scar on his cheek and licking her lips. "So many things have happened. You have had your first hard-on, and now you are aware about everything we saw in that other world, right? So you know how you'll have to repay me eventually."

Negi gulped. "Tsukuyomi, I---"

She kissed him. It was a kiss much like Evangeline's, deep and long and wet as her hands caressed his strong back. They closed their eyes and lost themselves in the first shared kiss, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer. She smelled so good. She was so warm. Held like this, she was just another girl, much like Chisame, or Master Louise, or Haruna, or—

Eventually, she pulled back, with a bridge of saliva linking their mouths. She gulped it down avidly. "Let us run together, after we've slain Sextum-han," she invited him. "Let's be free, you've got the makings of a great mercenary! Nobody will tell us what to do with our lives in the big scheme of things. You'll be the owner of your own life, as it befits a prince."

Without knowing why, he kissed her again, a shorter and faster kiss, but a violent one regardless. She cooed in pleasure. "I choose being with my students. I already am the owner of my own life."

"You still live in your father's shadow, but once you slay your dragon and find your reward, you will learn that it wasn't worth it. I'll be waiting for you when that happens," she promised. She turned around and began leaving the room, waving mischievously over her shoulder. "Until then, Negi-han! Remember, you are mine now! Mine, mine, mine…"

As the door of the room closed after her, Negi mused to himself aloud. "That doesn't sound like I'm the master of my own life, does it?"

 

[OverMaster]

Negi held his brand new shiny card and looked at it with a smile, while Skuld wiped her mouth under the vigilant glares of Chisame, Chachamaru, Louise and Yue.

"Negius Springfieldes," he read aloud. "Magistrulus Magi."

"What's that thing in your hand?" Pinkie Pie asked, looking over his shoulder. "A box of nail clippers?"

"Why... Why would they be nail clippers, specifically?" Collet asked.

"There's only one way to know," Negi said, whipping the card around and yelling "Adeat!"

A moment later, in a big flash of light, the small rectangular thing appeared in his other hand, revealed to be a handheld golden case. Opening it with a twirl of his hand, he found several copies of all of his previous Pactio cards inside. "Master, what is this good for?" he asked Skuld.

"Don't call her Master now, you dumb Familiar!" Louise screeched. "I'm your only Master! Me, me, me, me and only me...!"

"Maybe we should bring the scroll and ask Eva-sama what she thinks about that?" Rito suggested.

Nodoka smiled at him. "Senpai, I know Paru will be greatly pleased with your development when she sees you again."

He nodded at the younger girl. "Thank you, Miyazaki-kun."

"I call foul!" Asuna said. "Why didn't he get a nude transformation scene, but we have to go through one of those whenever we summon the Artifact?!"

"That's because he's in much better control of his magic than you are of yours," Skuld said.

Chisame looked at Asuna. "The summon still strips you? I got the gist of summoning only the Artifact even before we left Japan!"

"Asuna-san can't help being incompetent about handling magic," Yue said. "No offense, it's just a statement of a fact."

"I know!" Asuna bristled.

"You only wanted to see him naked," Tsukuyomi said.

"I didn't!" Asuna bristled harder.

"There's no shame in it!" Tsukuyomi said. "We all do! Well, except for Rito-han!"

"And me!" Kotaro growled. "And Nodoka-neechan!"

Nodoka blushed and looked aside.

Tsukuyomi giggled. "You're always awfully eager to jump into the furo with Negi-han, Kotaro-han! You aren't fooling anyone...!"

"You're just lucky I don't hit women...!" Kotaro bristled as hard as Asuna.

"Man, what is it with humans and like that obsession about not being seen without clothes on?" Tree Hugger wondered aloud.

Trixie shrugged. "There are things even I will never understand no matter how hard I try."

"She's only trying to get a raise out of you, don't give her that pleasure, Kotaro-kun," Negi said wearily. "Now, Master, about my question..."

"Your Artifact will allow you to summon any and all of the Artifacts of the girls you call Ministra Magi," Skuld summed up. "That gives you a full arsenal of their best trump cards, for your own use!"

Chisame, Louise, Yue and Asuna blanched out in horror.

"You... You have made us USELESS!" Chisame finally could yell at Skuld.

The goddess frowned at her. "The Artifacts are somewhat inferior copies compared to yours, and he only can use one at a time."

"You have made us REDUNDANT!" Asuna cried, aghast.

"You still can use your Artifacts just fine, too!" Skuld argued. "That's like saying a guy with a gun in a team makes any and all other guys with guns useless!"

"You just broke the narrative balance!" Yue accused her. "You have taken our agency away and given it to Sensei!"

"In addition to all of what I've already exposed," Skuld added, "that Artifact won't let him use any Artifacts given to any other Ministra he contracts with from now on."

"Those terms are acceptable to me." Chachamaru nodded.

"That doesn't help us any!" Louise said. "And as if you could make a Pactio with anyone! You're just a doll!"

Everyone, Tsukuyomi excluded, suddenly turned to stare at her in a mixture of horror, disgust and shock.

Louise blinked. "What? Have I said anything wrong?"

Tsukuyomi chuckled. "Zero-han, dear. Even I know when I should hold my tongue back in my attempts to put others down!"

"But, but she is a doll, isn't she?" Louise asked, genuinely confused. "Why are you all acting so offended, of course she couldn't make a Pactio, for that you need a soul and she-"

Making a sudden, horrible and ear piercing shriek of rage, Fluttershy leaped from her spot and pounced on Louise.

 

[Neo3932156]

"Until then, Negi-han! Remember, you are mine now! Mine, mine, mine…"

Click to shrink...

Setsuna: 'Mood Kindred'

 

[OverMaster]

It's a Return to 'Heartwarming Nisekoi Crossovers'!

Narusegawa Naru soaked happily in the hot springs of Hinata.

"Ahhhh!" she said. "The onsen is the best...!"

Then she felt incoming steps, and frowned through the mist. She could glimpse a male figure coming in, naked and with a towel wrapped around his arm. It was clearly male from the build and the outline of the thing hanging between its legs.

"KEITAROOOOO!" Naru yelled, rushing out of the pool and greeting him with a punch. "You MOROOOON!"

"WAAAAAAAAAA!" the guy she'd just hit screamed, flying up through the air...

And then there were several shocked male gasps. Naru blinked, even as the body she'd sent flying hit the onsen's floor, with a large snapping sound and striking an unnatural angle.

"Naru, what have you done?!" Urashima Keitaro said. "You've just punched Raku-kun!"

"Raku... kun?" Naru babbled. "Wait, what are all of you men doing here?!"

"This is the bath of the MEEEEEEN!" Ichiya Vandalay Kotobuki said, snapping his fingers. "You got here by mistake, girl!"

"Naru, you know you can't see without the glasses or your contacts!" Keitaro panicked while his friends gathered around Raku's immobile form, trying to check his state. "And you know that most others can't take your hits the way I do, either!"

"Nonsense, I don't hit that hard, and I can see well enough to see that-" Naru squinted at Raku. "- he isn't moving. Why isn't he moving?"

Negi Springfield swallowed loudly, taking Raku's non-existent pulse. "He's dead," he declared grimly. "Not even Konoka-san can help him now."

"God, I wish that were me," Itoshiki-sensei said.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Naru yelled.

So Naru went to jail and was sentenced for murder. She was in the newspapers and was put in the cell with the obligatory huge muscular butch older woman with a big interest on her.

A couple years passed, and then...

"Motoko, I will be so grateful to you, always," Naru said during the current visit. "You're the only one who still bothers to come!"

"Senpai, it's the least I can do for you. I will never abandon you," the dutiful kendo girl said. "As a matter of fact, Mitsune-senpai wanted to come today, too, since it's a special occasion, but her favorite soap opera ends tonight."

"It's 9:00 A.M., though... Wait, what special occasion?" Naru asked.

Motoko rasped uneasily. "Keitaro-senpai just proposed to Shinobu-chan. She accepted..."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Naru yelled.

"I, I'll bring you cake, promise!" Motoko told her.

Naru spent several more years in jail, rebuilding herself, getting the obligatory tattoos, and working out. She kept an exemplary behavior and learned to control her rage, converting to hardcore Christianism and writing the also obligatory testimonial book, before being let out early.

The morning was very clear and beautiful, and the birds chirped, flying over the penitentiary. Naru spread her arms open and smiled as she stepped outside, accompanied by a pleased Motoko.

"Motoko-chan, I've been given a new chance at life!" Naru said. "Today I start anew, a better and wiser woman, and I-!"

Then a car passed by, and two men peeked out its rear windows. They brandished handguns out, and opened fire on Naru before the vehicle, with no plates, sped away as fast as it'd arrived.

"Senpai!" Motoko said, rushing over to the side of the fallen Naru.

She grabbed the bleeding girl's hand, Naru smiling weakly at her. "I'm... This is... fine, Motoko-chan," Naru gurgled agonically. "This is... all for the best..."

Inside of the car, driven by a stonefaced Honda, one of the gunmen bowed his head to Kirisaki Chitoge and Tachibana Maria. "It is done, Ojou-samas."

"Good, good," Marika said while Chitoge nodded. "Now, we'll never talk about this again."

---

"Of course, that's just a completely hypothetical and impossible scenario, since Naru-senpai would never be that careless, and we aren't that kind of nasty women!" Marika laughed, very ladylike, while Chitoge, again, nodded. All of the girls were soaking in the Hinata onsen. "What I mean is just that, how should I put it, we are very protective of my dearest Raku, and... we'd hate to see anything happen to him because of anyone's reckless behavior!"

"I... I see!" Naru forced a rigid laugh.

"I'd just have put poison in her slice of welcome cake, but I suppose I'd risk poisoning the other guests in that party..." Onodera mused very quietly.