OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

OverMaster Writes for Every Franchise in Existence.

---

Predator.

Beaten and apparently dying, the creature held an arm up and began pressing buttons on its gauntlet.

Dutch watched cautiously.

The gauntlet began beeping, as a small screen on it began displaying blinking, glowing symbols.

Dutch frowned, curious.

Then the symbols kept on diminishing in number, quickly.

"Ha ha ha ha ha," the alien began laughing, its laugh cold and humorless.

Dutch's eyes widened.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA!" the Predator laughed.

A countdown! Dutch realized, turning around and starting to run through the jungle.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" the Predator kept on laughing while the alien numbers kept on growing fewer...

And then the gauntlet fell silent.

The Predator looked at it. "Rrrrrrrr?"

It began shaking its arm. The thing still wouldn't function. Angry, the Predator started to slam its fist on it.

Dutch looked up from his hiding spot.

"RRRRRRR!" the Predator roared, smashing the gauntlet against a tree until it broke down. "Rrrrrr! Rrrrrrrr!"

Dutch approached it warily.

The Predator looked up at him from its fallen position, and shrugged its massive shoulders. "Rrrrrrrrr!"

---

"-- and dat's how he became my roommate," Dutch told his date as they walked out the apartment. "Don't worry about him, let's just enjoy da night."

"Ahhhhh. Sure thing," the woman said, and then they walked away.

Flung on Dutch's couch watching TV, its midsection still heavily bandaged, the Predator growled sadly. "Nowhere to go..."

 

Falling to Pieces.

"How does your Pieces system work anyway?" Negi asked as Ala Alba sat down to eat with the Occult Club. "I've been meaning to ask but I've never found a chance to do so."

"Oh, it's simple enough," Rias said. "Let's say that I took over your team and made all of you my pieces. I'd be the King then..."

Makie blinked. "Are you actually a boy?"

"No, no!" Rias said. "The King is the top piece of the peerage, and without it, the peerage would fall apart."

"You mean that we'd literally crumble if you died? Like, into dust?" Makie asked.

"No!" Rias said, a wee bit less in a good mood. "It's just that the contracts binding you to my peerage would disappear! Then you'd need contracting another devil or you'd just become ronin devils. In this example, Evangeline-sama would become my Queen..."

"Thanks but no thanks," Eva said very dryly. "You aren't exactly what I'm looking for in a husband."

"You know well what I'm saying!" Rias said. "The Queen is the most powerful piece in the board, and also the most versatile. You only can have one Queen, but you can have two Rooks. Let's see, in this case Haruka-chan and Asuna-chan would be my rooks. Strong frontline attackers, but not the fastest of the bunch, and also not the most strategically inclined for the most part."

"I'm pretty fast!" Asuna protested. "I can almost beat Misora in a foot race!"

"... so you're admitting not having any strategic capacity at all?" Ayaka asked.

"I also could enlist two Bishops," Rias continued. "Bishops tend to be spellcasters and healers, using, developing and absorbing spells to advance the cause of the peerage. Konoka-chan and Negi-kun would make remarkable Bishops, I think."

"And then there are Knights, right?" Ayaka asked.

"That's correct. You could be a fine Knight, as they are meant to be fast attackers and saboteurs, but they are somewhat lacking in defense and endurance," Rias explained. "Misora-chan would also be a fitting Knight."

"Hah!" Asuna told Ayaka. "You can't defend yourself!"

"Would you like to see how easily I can topple a rook?!" Ayaka growled.

"Lastly, we have pawns, who fall short in the capacities the other pieces excel at, but still can become Knights, Rooks, Bishops or even Queens upon reaching enemy territory, much like a pawn in actual chess can be traded by another piece upon reaching the end of the board. In this analogy, Makie-chan, Skuld-chan, Morisato-kun, Misa-chan, Madoka-chan, Sakurako-chan, Rito-kun and Cocone-chan would be pawns."

"What about the rest of us?" Haruna asked.

"My dear girl, I think you haven't caught yet on how this anology has been, the whole time, about pieces I would like having," Rias said graciously. "No offense, Chachamaru-chan, Lala-hime-sama, but I'm not good with technology and I wouldn't dream of using a fellow princess as a subordinate. My apologies to both."

"What about apologies to the rest of us?!" Itoshiki gasped.

"I can understand. The demon bird tribe and the Shinmeiryuu haven't ever been in the best of terms with devils," Setsuna blandly.

"I'm not blaming anyone who wouldn't want to have me in her team!" Ai whimpered. "I'm sorry for being a nuisance!"

"I wouldn't be in any peerage that wouldn't have Setchan," Konoka huffed. Then she smiled at Issei. "How about you, Senpai? Who would you recruit for your peerage?"

Issei rubbed his chin. "Let's see, there are so many wonderful options, but I think I'd start with Naba-san, Haruka-chan, Nagase-san, Tatsumiya-san, Asakura-san, Haruna-san and Shizuna-sensei..."

"Wow, that's a completely unexpected answer," Misora deadpanned, right before the sketch stopped without a proper punchline.

 

Seduction of the Innocent.

The boy was still wet and toweling dry from the shower, clad only in black pants, when Tosaka approached him.

“Hey, kid, you were great back there,” the older man said.

Kotaro grinned. “Am I not always?”

“You should stay here after you’re done with the tournament,” Tosaka proposed. “You clearly love it here. You can work the crowds, and they love you. And I hate to admit it, but you’re good. I can mold you into something great, if you’ll let me.”

Kotaro blinked. “Why aren’t you telling Negi this? Or you already did?”

Tosaka waved a hand. “Forget ‘im! He’s not like you and me. His heart’s not into it. He doesn’t have the passion, and he’ll leave us as soon as he can. Whaddya say? Aren’t you interested?”

Kotaro frowned. “I dunno… I’ll admit I love this, but I promised Nodoka-neechan we’d go home together…”

“Home? This is your home!” the man said. “Are you gonna throw your life’s dreams and talents away for a first love? She’ll tire of you and leave you, boy. They always do.”

“She… She’s not my love…!”

Tosaka advanced towards him, grinning. “All the more reason then. You know you want to do this, Kotaro. Let me be your—“

They looked aside, blinking wildly, as they heard a loud gasp coming from the open door. They saw Misa standing there, bewildered and blushing, having just dropped several trays while passing by.

---

Yue blinked. This was the last thing she’d expected hearing during visit hours, although in hindsight… “Tosaka-san did what?” she asked, just to be sure.

“I told you, you’ve gotta warn Honya!” Misa said, grabbing her by the arms. “He’s seducing Kotaro-kun! This is no joke…!”

 

Give me Freedom.

“Well, Misa,” Yue said as Negi took the collar off the purple haired girl’s neck. “I hope this has taught you a few valuable lessons about hard work and treating those in need well.”

“Oh, yes, Yuecchi!” Misa said while hugging Negi. “That was horrible! I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy! From now on, I’ll keep those long, hard days in mind when I look at anyone below my station, and I’ll remember how lucky I am to have such great—“

“Negi, good news,” Chisame walked in, holding a full bag up. “The tournament’s purse was so big that, even after buying Kakizaki and Kugimiya, we still have over half the money left!”

Misa blinked, and then looked at Negi’s face. “What if we buy two slaves now?” she suggested.

 

The 100 Girlfriends Who Really, Really, Really, Really, Really Love Negi Springfield.

---

Japan, several days later:

"Are you sure you really have no idea why they called us over so early!?" Hasegawa Chisame asked, trying to make herself heard over the roar of the motor.

"I told you that I don't!" the quite shorter black haired girl piloting the scouter said, large goggles protecting her round, dark brown eyes. "They wouldn't have summoned you as well if this had anything to do with any recent incident in the laboratories!"

"What if you brought something to our apartment?!" the bespectacled, ponytailed girl with light brown hair said, clutching onto Hakase Satomi's slim waist for dear life. "You might have infected me with something!"

"I highly doubt that," Hakase said, rolling her eyes back. "The protocol for such procedures is sending a biohazard team to the target's place of residence and arresting them, not issuing a summon to the Headmaster's office. We would be risking spreading the agent through the campus, all the way to the top of our academic hierarchy!"

"Eyes on the road!" Chisame screamed, frantically pointing ahead. "Eyes on the road, you idiot! We're gonna run someone over...!"

"Ah...? Oh, for the love of Curie!" Satomi gasped, and her vehicle took a sudden turn aside, getting off the road and coming to a rough halt right before it could hit a wall. Chisame let out a cry of anguish, dropping onto her butt on the sidewalk. "Is everyone fine? It never was my intention to hit you, sir, ma'ams!"

Chisame, still trembling in fright, turned her head towards the people they had almost hit. It was a group of three, and one of them, a short boy in a dark green suit, had also fallen on his ass in the middle of the street. He didn't look hurt, thankfully, and a small red haired girl was helping him up already.

The only one of them who looked actually distraught was a young blonde woman, a few years older than Hasegawa and Hakase, who was on her hands and knees and roaming all over the street frantically, looking in all directions. "Oh my God, oh my God, your glasses, Negi, your glasses!" she was panicking. "You cannot be without your glasses...!"

Chisame didn't understand anything of what she was saying since she was talking in English with a very thick accent. Chisame knew a fair amount of written English from years of Internet experience, communicating with people and shitposters from all through the world, but spoken English still eluded her, for the most part. Satomi, on the other hand, was well versed on written and verbal English alike, not that this helped her to be any less perplexed than Chisame.

"Nekane, I told you, I really don't need them, you don't need to react like that!" the boy said in the same accented English, dusting himself off while the little girl fixed his tie. Then he looked at Satomi and Chisame. "We are well, thanks for asking," he said in flawless Japanese, although the accent was still there. "Sorry, we doubled a corner without paying a lot of attention, I'm afraid. Are you two... You two..." he babbled off, his mouth hanging open a bit as his eyes met Chisame's.

Chisame's own orbs widened, and a strange tightness came to her chest. For a reason or another, that kid's eyes had struck her as something very, oddly, beautiful, so full of purity and innocence. Then, just as quickly, a back wave of fear at this notion struck her, as that was such an Iinchou thing to be thinking of. "Ah!" she gulped. "Ah! We aren't hurt either, thanks for asking! Have you lost your way? Elementary school is at the other end of the campus!"

"Elementary?" the little girl lifted an eyebrow, letting go of the boy's tie and frowning at Chisame. "I'll let you know, Miss, that we are both teachers, and we'll be working in this academy starting today! I am Anya Yurievna Cocolova, and this is Negi Springfield! My boyfriend!"

"My... Your... What?" Hakase gasped, as if just waking up from a spell of her own.

"Ah!" the blonde smiled, grabbing a pair of dark glasses from the street and lifting them. "Negi, I just found your glasses! Put them back on, now, before- Ahhh, feathers," she said weakly, looking at Chisame and Satomi, and the way they had just started trading long, silent looks eye-to-eye with her cousin again.

Anya huffed, and tapped a foot down several times. "Like I was saying!" she shouted, once again snapping Hakase and Hasegawa out of this unexplainable daze. "This is Negi's sister, our dear Nekane! She's our legal tutor! Now, can either of you point us towards the office of Konoe Konoemon?"

"The Headmaster?" Chisame asked, immediately chastising herself for asking such a stupid question. What was wrong with her today?

"Yes, quite obviously! We have business with him, as expected from any teachers starting to work for an academic head!" Anya said imperiously while Nekane, meekly, handed Negi the sunglasses and he put them back on without a word of protest. "You are Mahora students, aren't you? Otherwise, what would you even be doing here?"

"We have just been summoned to the Headmaster's office ourselves," Satomi said candidly. "Since we do, indeed, know the way, we could lead you there..."

"We would like that very much. Thanks a lot..." Negi smiled dreamily, unable to take his eyes off Satomi's face. For some cause, Hakase's cheeks flared a faint shade of pink, something Chisame had never seen them doing before.

Anya frowned, and then slapped Negi in the back of the head. "Are you sure you didn't hit your head there? Maybe we should take you to the doctor's office first!"

"If... If that happened, you aren't doing him any favors doing that to him..." Nekane said mechanically, looking back and forth, with horror, at the faces of Negi, Chisame and Satomi. Oh my goodness, this curse can chase him across the ocean after all...! she thought.

 

Hold Me.

Yue gulped softly as she approached the door of the small library in the rented manor. She really didn’t want to do this. But it couldn’t be stalled any longer.

Nodoka deserved much better than her cowardice.

Yue rapped her small knuckles tenderly on the white wood door.

“Please get in,” said the meek voice from the inside.

Yue gulped as she entered. “Nodoka,” she told the figure who sat at the table, reading a book and facing away from her. “There’s… There’s something I need to tell you. I… It’s about Kotaro-kun. Misa said that… How should I put this…”

“If it’s about how he’s considering staying here to pursue a gladiatorial career, he… he’s already told me about it, Yue-Yue,” Nodoka said tightly, still not looking at her. “Thank you, but… I really didn’t need to be told.”

“Oh… Oh,” Yue said, looking down. She seemed to be taking it remarkably better than Yue had been expecting. But then again, she’d grown so much stronger over the last year. Some of Illya had probably rubbed on her, too. “Well, then… Maybe you need to be left alone, but if you need me, I’ll be in our room…”

“Yue-Yue,” Nodoka said. “There’s something else I need, though.”

She spun the chair around, threw herself onto Yue, and clung onto her tightly, without rising from her sitting position. She pressed her face against Yue’s chest and began weeping in silence.

After a moment of silence, Yue hugged her loosely, giving her just enough room, and held her there.

Happy passed by the open door, took a peek inside, and then closed the door before walking away.

 

The Hour of Truth!

“You’ll wonder why I’ve summoned you here today,” said Da Vinci, sitting behind a desk that was too large for her, since it was inherited from the previous Da Vinci. Holmes stood grimly by her side, arms folded behind his back.

“Why shouldn’t we?” Kiyohime frowned, sitting at the other side of the desk along Ritsuka, Mash, Bradamante, Serenity and Astolfo. “Go to the point, Sensei. Anchin-sama and I were on a date!”

Da Vinci sighed. “This weekend, Cleopatra was complaining about a strange recurring nausea and dizziness. Nightingale and I examined her and learned that… she is pregnant.”

Astolfo tensed up on his chair, from his previous careless position kicking his feet around.

“What?!” Ritsuka screamed. Next to the red-haired female Master, Mash gasped.

“Oh my,” Kiyohime said, hiding her mouth under a sleeve. “Are you serious, Sensei?”

“Completely,” Da Vinci nodded.

“But Servants can’t have children!” Ritsuka said.

“It would seem that, through the Lostbelts, reality has shifted several paradigms that somehow have altered a few basic parameters of the female Servants, making them—well, us, although naturally I’m not of the age for it—able to undergo pregnancy.”

Astolfo began sweating bullets, subtly clacking his teeth together.

Kiyohime’s eyes shone. “So now I can bear Anchin-sama’s children?!”

“No! Because I’m a girl!” Ritsuka said.

“Nothing that a good consultation to Scathach-sama cannot remedy, Anchin-sama!” the Berserker enthused.

“Aaaarrrrgh!” Ritsuka said while Mash rolled her eyes.

Da Vinci rasped. “Well, yes, about that…”

“What is the problem anyway?” Serenity asked. “Miss Cleopatra surely is pregnant with Caesar’s child, and Medb may be expecting for Fergus’ child, but other than that, what does that have to do with us?”

Da Vinci closed her eyes. “Most female Servants are pregnant, from the scan tests we’ve ran on everyone ever since. The lot of you, me, Nightingale, and the child Servants are the only ones who are not.”

Astolfo sank into his chair without being noticed.

“Whaaaat?!” Ritsuka said. “How did that even--!”

Then the office’s door exploded from outside, and in stormed a furious Caesar, Moriarty, Kojiro, Jason, Achilles, EMIYA, Fionn, Cu Chulainn and Odysseus. “YOU!” they collectively roared at Astolfo.

“AAAAHHHHH!” Astolfo screamed, and then jumped out through the window. The other male Servants instantly jumped out after him, weapons at the ready.

“…!” Ritsuka, Kiyohime, Serenity and Mash said.

“Well,” Bradamante said after a moment. “It’s not that strange when you consider his legend.”

“Mash, Kiyohime, you are to help Nightingale in maternity duty,” Da Vinci said with resignation. “Serenity, you are to keep far, far away from the maternity wing at all times. That is the motive of this briefing.”

“What about me?” Bradamante asked.

“Ah,” Da Vinci said. “I called you over because you are the next of kin of the soon to be deceased…”

 

From Hero to Zero.

She arrived one afternoon, grinning under a concealing cloak.

"Hey there, dolls," the mysterious stranger said, stopping before them while Madoka was mopping the floor and Misa pretended to be wiping a window clean. "I thought I'd seen you in the market. Now I see I was right..."

"Who the heck are you?" Misa asked.

The stranger chuckled and pulled the cloak back, revealing a grinning head topped by short, very light brown hair.

"Ah! Misocchi!" Misa said.

"Whoa, that disguise's much better than the Mysterious Sister one!" Madoka said. "You should have used this one from the start!"

"I don't know any Mysterious Sister, what are you talking about?!" Kasuga Misora growled. She reached into her robes and pulled a purse out. "Anyway, I've made some money doing odd jobs while traveling, so I'll buy you guys out so we can be on our way. Here, this'll be enough, right?" she said, placing several silver coins in the hands of Tosaka.

"Misocchi, you're the best!" Misa gushed. "I'll never doubt you again! You're my heroine...!"

The former gladiator counted the coins. "This will be enough for one only."

"I see, what a pity," Misora said. "Let's go, Kugimin, and good luck with your new life, Misa..."

"Kasugaaaaa!" Misa complained.

"What a pain!" Misora said. "What else do you wanna me to do? You're just too expensive for some reason!"

"There's a way you can double your money and buy them both," Tosaka proposed.

"And that is...?" Misora asked.

"Bets," Tosaka said, pulling a set of dice from his jacket's breast pocket. "Are you lucky, kid?"

"Am I...!" Misora snickered. "Okay, pops, by the time I'm done plucking you, maybe you'll be my butler, too!"

---

"Hello, Yue," Misa said blandly during the next visit. "We've good and bad news. The good news is, we found Misocchi."

Yue blinked. "Misora-san? Oh, that's good indeed. Sensei will be so happy. And the bad news is...?"

Misora walked by, with a shock collar around her neck, wearing a maid uniform, and holding a huge basket of dirty laundry in her arms. "The bad news is that the rules of dice are very different in this place! Never get in a game of chance here, and I mean it!"

 

Everyday Routines.

Chisame slammed a hand on the table. “It’s always the same thing!” she said. “Whenever I say anything, you do or say the exact opposite! It’s like you do it only to undermine me!”

“No, I never do that, and I’d never dream of undermining you!” Negi protested.

“See? You’re doing it again!”

“No, I’m not! I’m only defending myself!”

“No, after all I’ve done for you, you keep going against me just because!”

“No, I don’t!”

“Yes, you do!”

“I don’t!”

“You do!”

“Well, fine, maybe I do! Sometimes!” He tossed his hands up.

Chisame made an irritated noise. She chewed on her lower lip. “And that’s another thing I can’t stand! Those little mental games of yours…!"

 

Loud in Translation.

“Hey, Linc,” Clyde greeted him, closing the door after him. “Why the long face?”

Lincoln sighed. “It’s my sisters again, man! They found a new way to bother me!”

“What is it?” the other boy said.

“Now, whenever I sit down to watch Dragon Ball Super, they switch to another anime! And it’s a really crappy one too! It’s a weird thing about some guy in love with his sister, and they all sit around me, forcing me to watch it with them!”

“Uhhhhh…” Clyde said.

“Lana and Lola sit really tight at either side of me, and Lucy sits on my lap so I can’t get away!” Lincoln despaired. “Leni puts herself behind me putting her chest on top of my head as if that were so funny, and Luan and Lynn keep on giggling and whispering to each other whenever those two idiots kiss in the show! Even Lori’s hypnotized by that lame thing, she turns the phone off and everything while it’s on! Luna plays the theme song all the time and hums it to me all through every dinner!”

He looked at Clyde in the eye. “Why do you think they torture me so? What’s the point?”

Clyde stared at him in silence for several moments, and then slapped him across the face.

 

Kotaro’s Heart.

Negi approached him behind the stage.

“Kotaro-kun, before we start the fight, we need to talk about something,” the Welsh one told him. “Yue has told me about Tosaka’s offer…”

“Ah, yeah, that,” the wolf boy glanced aside. “Don’t worry, I’ve thought long and hard about it. I won’t be taking it, I couldn’t possibly break Neechan’s heart like that.”

Negi paused, refusing to accept the notion of Kotaro thinking long and hard about something. Then he added, cautiously, “Are you sure? I’m nobody to dictate your life one way or another, but…”

“No, no, it’s not even just about that,” Kotaro said. “Earth is my home, too, and Mom’s waiting for me back there. And, and, and of course…” he hesitated before adding, “part of the fun fightin’ here is fightin’ with you. If you’re gone there’s no point.”

“Oh, come on,” Negi said, shaking his head.

Kotaro laughed nervously. “Ah ha ha ha, I’m an awful liar, right?! Truth is, w-well, other than Neechan, there’s another person I… I care a lot about, and… and I wouldn’t be happy leaving that person behind, right?!”

Negi smiled. “Ah, Kotaro-kun, you scoundrel…!”

“S-Shut up! You’re nobody to talk, with the way you feel about Chisame and Chao and Louise and even Lala-nee all at the same time, you cad…!” the other boy seethed.

Negi blushed. “Chao?! Lala-san?! What are you even—“

Kotaro pointed to his own nose and growled. “I can smell your extra sweat when you approach any of them, smartass!”

Negi blushed harder and glared aside. “You’re imagining things! Ah, um, it’s Ako-san, right? Or, I know, Kobushi-san! No, Kaede-san! Kaede-san, of course!”

Kotaro hewed. “W-Well, Kaede-nee’s certainly the type I’d like, the type who can take care of herself in a fight, but… but…”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t see it before, or I’d have invited her to this trip,” Negi said in a solemn way, placing his hands on Kotaro’s shoulders. “Then again, perhaps that was for the best. But don’t worry. Once we’re back, I swear I’ll do my best to root to for the three of you, even if it’s a bit improper. Nodoka-san will understand, I’m sure…”

Kotaro nodded mechanically. “Y-Yeah… She sure would…”

“Nagi and Kojiro, to the arena!” Tosaka called out. “It’s your turn, blockheads, so move it!”

“Coming up!” Negi said with a driven smile, stepping ahead.

Briefly left behind, Kotaro supported himself on a column and slumped for a moment. “Oh God, he’s so dense! And this, what am I gonna do about this? It’s just not manly…!”

 

The Secret… Revealed?

Shiho approached him nervously.

“Oniichan…” she said in a very small voice. “Shiho needs to tell you something…”

“What is it?” Tate asked.

“It’s something I should’ve told you long ago… You’ll see, there’s a whole new side of my life that you don’t know anything about…”

Tate blinked, confused, but then he smiled widely and began patting Shiho’s shoulders.

“Shiho! You found yourself a boyfriend?! I’m so happy for you…!”

---

“So, how did it go?” Minako asked.

Shiho broke into tears. “Don’t ask…!”

 

Mirror Match.

“I suppose that congratulations are in order, Boya,” the Evangeline from the scroll said. “You have found most of your comrades, and while you failed to completely grasp Magia Erebea, you still came closer than any other man. Now I can bid you adieu, knowing that you did your best, and you might even still stand a shade of a chance.”

“Master, wait!” Negi said. “There’s no need for you to disappear!”

“The scroll’s life is at its end, fool,” Scroll! Eva lectured him. “Let me go. There is another Evangeline Mc Dowell waiting for you.”

“But I can’t let you die!” he told her.

“I’m not even actually alive.”

“Yes, you are!” he insisted. “You have your own thoughts and reasoning! You are a unique existence!”

She smiled and shrugged. “Even if I were, there is no way to keep me anchored to this world past this date.”

Negi gestured towards where a happy Chamo was drawing a Pactio circle on the ground. “There’s something we can try! It’s never failed me before!”

---

Evangeline stood in blanched horror at the other Evangeline standing by Negi and smirking at her. Suddenly attacked by terrible memories of the Kyoto arc, she grabbed the boy by his shirt and began yanking him back and forth.

“What did you do to my scroll, Boya?! What did you do with iiiiiiiit!”

Standing at the sidelines, Makie looked at Yuuna. “I’ve been thinking, if Eva created that scroll, then she’s Eva’s mom, isn’t she?”

Yuuna facepalmed. “We’ve got better things to worry about! Like how are we gonna survive having two of her around!”

 

Traveling with Iinchou and Lala!

In our restless quest for Negi-sensei, the gorilla girl and the others, Lala-san and I have spent weeks navigating through endless, gray wastelands only interrupted by war torn villages, full of zombie-like poor lost souls warning us against the People of the North.

We have witnessed horrors and the miseries of what decades of conflict can do to a civilization. However, nothing of that could have prepared me for this…

Ayaka woke after a long night of deep sleep.

“Good morning!” Lala smiled at her.

“Ah. Oh. Yes, good morning, Senpai,” the blonde yawned, remembering. This town was so small and miserable that it didn’t even have any hotels, and they’d been forced to sleep together in a barn. “Did you rest well?”

“Yes,” Lala nodded. “I also want to tell you that I accept your proposal!”

“Which proposal?” Ayaka asked, and then shrieked, realizing in horror that her right hand was wrapped around Lala’s tail.

 

Kindred Souls.

“Yesterday, Hakari introduced me to her mother,” Arika trusted over tea and biscuits. “We had a long and quite interesting conversation on the subject of child rearing.”

Ayaka paled slightly. “Oh… Oh!” she gasped after a moment. “I, I apologize on behalf of Hanazono-san, she isn’t to be made responsible of anything her mother may have done or said…!”

Arika blinked at her. “Apologizing? Why would you need to do that? I found Hahari to be a wonderfully warm and loving person, and her opinions on the subject are truly fascinating. I feel I have a lot to learn from her.”

Ayaka’s paleness increased substantially.

---

Natsumi found her standing in a hallway, head slumped down and her weight supported on a hand planted on the wall.

“Iinchou?” the smaller girl asked. “Do you feel alright?”

“No!” Ayaka declared sourly. “No, all hope for us is lost…!”

 

Farewell.

In hindsight, it’s remarkable how little time we spent together.

And I suppose that, from that time, even less was spent with both of us being happy. Either you were driving me crazy, or I was driving you mad.

Still, from your last few words, I’d like to think that you truly loved me back, to some degree.

I’d like to believe that some very scarce moments where we were good for each other, under those vast starry skies, were worth more than all others.

Goodbye, Nagi. I wish it could have been some other way.

“Master?” the boy asked, standing respectfully behind her. “It’s time.”

“Yes. Yes, I suppose that it is,” Evangeline said, smiling sadly as she stood from the spot where she’d been kneeling. She turned around and began walking with him, towards the ship that waited for them.

And yet…

 

Childhood’s End.

Negi closed the door after himself, and the pills ran out of effect, shrinking him back to the size of a child.

“Whew!” he said. “That was close…!”

Lucy looked up from where she was writing at the table. “Oh, welcome back. Did you have fun in your stroll?”

“Yes, I ran into the most adorable little girl with glasses,” Negi laughed softly. “The poor girl was lost and asked me for help, apparently she’s new in the city. I showed her around and eventually she said she recognized her street, so she ran off. Odd, she didn’t seem to want me to follow her to her doorstep.”

“Maybe she was afraid her parents would scold her,” Lucy said with a casual shrug.

“Yes, that must be it. Anyway, I hope she’s okay. She was very fun to be around…”

Then he blushed and waved his hands. “Ah, anyway, please don’t mention this to Master Louise, Chisame or Yue, okay?! They’re bound to misinterpret…”

Lucy smiled. “I wouldn’t dream of it. Why don’t you go take a bath? Yukino and Nodoka will have dinner ready any moment now.”

“Yes. See you at dinner, Miss Lucy!” he said happily, and then moved off for the bath.

Lucy looked at the top of the nearby shell, and the bottle of red and blue pills and the disguise glasses on it.

She giggled to herself.

 

The Art of War, The Art of Seduction.

“Hey, Natsu-han,” Tsukuyomi commented idly, as they both sat on the porch of the manor along a napping Happy. “Are you a virgin?”

“Um, no, I was born in a July 7^th, so I’m a Cancer,” the young man said.

She giggled. “I don’t mean that, silly! That’s Virgo, like Lucy-han’s sexy spirit! I mean if you’ve ever been with a woman!”

“What kind of question is that? Of course I always am with women! I’m with Erza, Lucy and Wendy all the time, and I’m with you now, am I not?”

Tsukuyomi flew off the handle, seething. “Are you taking me for an idiot?! I mean, have you ever fucked?!”

“Ah, that!” Natsu said. “Yeah, I’ve been a few times with paid girls in taverns and stuff. Why, you wanna fuck?” he asked casually.

She stood up, threw her hands up, and stomped back inside. “You’re no fun at all! I’m going to try this with Rito-han instead!”

---

My home computer just died so I might not be able to post much in the foreseeable future.

 

Faster, Pussycat! Breed! Breed!

"We have a very important announcement to make!" Happy said proudly at the dinner table. "Carla and I are going to have kittens!"

Carla blushed, glared aside, and rasped under her breath.

Wendy and Negi began choking violently in their mouthfuls of meal.

Erza, Lucy, Natsu and Rito blinked, and then smiled widely. "Ahhhh! Congratulations!"

Tsukuyomi slapped the table. "Oh, come on! Over two weeks of coexistence here, and the cats are the only ones who have had any sex?! Really?!"

 

Out on a Limb.

"Woooww, Sensei!" Sayo gushed, looking up and down at Negi's arm. "It was cut off and then reattached, seriously?! I can't tell the difference!"

Negi smiled and nodded. "Yes! Medicine in Mundus Magicus is truly advanced, isn't it?"

"And to think, if only you hadn't foiled my plans and Chao's, that very same tech would be available for thousands if not millions around Earth right now!" Skuld mused aloud, passing by their open door. "C'est la vie...!"

Negi slumped miserably, looking about to cry.

Sayo pouted and patted him tenderly on a knee. "There, there! It's not that good an arm anyway, it's a bit bent at the elbow!"

 

Escape.

They were camping outside of the small village, as every other night through the last week.

“We should be leaving tomorrow,” Konoka mused as they tucked into their sleeping bags. “I can’t wait to see Setchan again!”

“I think so, yeah,” Yuuna nodded. “All the same, these little guys seem so deadset on us staying! I wonder why…?”

Then there was a tiny voice coming from the nearby grass, pleading and desperate. “Tonight…! Please leave me tonight…! And take me with you…!”

Konoka and Yuuna blinked and squinted through the darkness. The diminutive blue female in the white dress, cap and shoes stood there, trembling.

“What’s the problem?” Yuuna asked. “This is your home, isn’t it? Why would you wanna leave?”

“I’m the only female in the village…!” the miniature blonde all but sobbed.

“Well, yes, that must be difficult, since you have nobody you can relate to,” Konoka reasoned, “but the travel ahead of us is dangerous and—“

“You don’t understand…! I’m the only female in the village…!”

---

In one of the little mushroom shaped houses, five little blue men approached a bed.

Hefty grabbed the bundle wrapped in blankets. “Smurfette,” he said, his voice husky and needed. “It’s time. It’s our turn tonight. Hey, are you—WHAT THE SMURF?!” he gasped, as shaking the blankets revealed only a crude Smurfette ragdoll, 1/1 scale.

“… oh. Oh, I smurfin’ see,” Grumpy grouched. “It’s all clear now! See, this is why I hate outsiders!”

Another of the tiny men hummed at the decoy. “Well, she’s very well done. Close enough to the real deal for me…”

---

A visibly perturbed Konoka and Yuuna made their hasty way through the woods.

“Oh, thank you!” the small voice sobbed from within Konoka’s backpack. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“In hindsight, leaving like this is the best,” Yuuna confided them quietly. “Just between the three of us, Greedy had started giving me these weird looks…”

“I wonder if that’s how Negi-kun feels about us?” an unusually pensive Konoka mused aloud.

 

Happiness is a Wet Puppy.

“Hey, Negi-han,” Tsukuyomi said. “I saw a filthy black mutt lounging in the living room, and Louise, Yuuki-han and Erza-han said they didn’t bring it in, so I stuffed it into a bag and threw it into the river.”

“What? Tsukuyomi, no!” Negi gasped. “That was Kotaro-kun, he was wounded in the last fight so he took that form to recover!”

“Ah, Kotaro-han can do that?” she asked. “Ah ha ha ha ha! Good thing for him, then, I didn’t think of just stabbing the bag before throwing it out!”

Kotaro stomped into the room, soaking wet from head to toes. “Yeah!” he growled. “Yeah, I’m thankful, but did you have to fill the bag with rocks too?!”