MiraiGW
He who drinks to attain enlightenment
- Joined
- May 8, 2019
- Messages
- 325
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For the most part I think you're doing an okay job with the honeymoon writing, given the characters your having to work with here. Daisuke is literally the definition of rushing things and also having to try and deal with godhood, while Anko is trying to deal with her PTSD alongside her new goddess hood, all while they both just got married what, a few days ago at most? It reads like a slice of life with a dysfunctional feel to it, which is pretty much the entire situation with them currently. They're trying to get most things out of the way so they can enjoy their honeymoon without all these thoughts randomly popping up in their own heads every now and then, and then steadily deal with them after the honeymoon is over, which I can get. Be that as it may though, I can tell your more.... sensual efforts at writing are coming off more as a logical way of thought that actual sensual feelings coming off the characters. I'd offer advice on the whole thing but I'm not sure it'd really do any good and could even hamper your writing as a whole, since my experience with these sorta things stems from a third person style of writing instead of first person, and as I'm currently trying to write a story in first person and can tell i'm pretty bad at that style of writing, can't really say anything helpful.