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With This Ring (Young Justice SI) (Thread Fourteen)

He also doesn't like tea.

I may be moving to Portugal in the next decade, and if I do, I'm taking a trip to England solely so that I can find Zoat at home, knock on his door, and he'll be culturally required to invite me in for tea. As I love tea and he hates it, he'll also be culturally required to keep a stiff upper lip as he drinks it.

At last, I have conquered Vaermina's greatest foe
 
American 'cheese' is not cheese. It is plastic mush, vaguely flavored with cheese powder. Literal fucking petroleum jelly. Do not fucking eat it, or I will laugh at you for your melodramatic choice in suicide methods; an overpowered diuretic would be faster, less painful, and at least taste better going down, while bestowing an exit to this vale of tears that provides comparative dignity.
From the sound of it the only American cheese you have ever had is those Kraft Cheese singles.

That's not really American cheese.


Then how do you cook a good burger?
Melt the cheese on the burger patty, butter and grill the bun, add lettuce and a dab of mayo below the burger patty, tomato on top of the cheese, then add in your favorite condiments and grilled onions if you're into that.
 
I assume people can't better themselves because of trauma-induced disabilities/habitual indoctrination. Does that count?
Yes, but at least you're trying to be generous.
Inconsistent plurality. Might be just informal dialogue rather than an error.
'take'
'liked'
Thank you, corrected.
Yeah, cheesecake cheese is quite different. I also dislike cheese but have enjoyed a real cheesecake. Though it was the sort of sweet where I felt nauseated after eating maybe a third-half. And one of my family members nicked the rest of it when I left it in the fridge.
I suspect that we're talking about different things. This wasn't a baked cheesecake. It was a mixture of mascarpone and chocolate on the biscuit base.
Are these like the McDonalds boxes? I hate those because when I pour salt and vinegar on them, they leak from the bottom. Usually it isn't a problem, fortunately, because McDonalds fries are bad anyway so I rarely eat them. Fries in general tend to be unimpressive really, I usually stick to proper chips.
The places where I've gone recently have had an irritating habit of undercooking the chips. The last few times I've taken to sticking them in the oven for a few minutes when I get home.
I may be moving to Portugal in the next decade, and if I do, I'm taking a trip to England solely so that I can find Zoat at home, knock on his door, and he'll be culturally required to invite me in for tea. As I love tea and he hates it, he'll also be culturally required to keep a stiff upper lip as he drinks it.
You're welcome to do that, of course, but I don't keep tea in the house.
 
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Most food snobbery is bullshit from people putting on airs, but some things are true.

If you like cheddar then you like American cheese. At least the real thing. Most of what's on the market isn't the real thing, because sub-standard crap is allowed to be sold as long as you don't call it the real thing. That's why stuff that can't legally be called cheese is instead called a "cheese food" or a "cheese product". Which, as mentioned, is what Kraft Singles and the like tend to be.

The same thing is done with ice cream. If you go to buy ice cream these days, most of what's on the shelves can't legally be called ice cream because it fails to meet the minimum standards so they instead call it "frozen dessert" on the packaging.

A lot of the weird things with American food, when it isn't greedy assholes exploiting the "we'll just call it something slightly different" loophole, is just inertia from how big America is. Like our shitty chocolate or our refrigerated eggs. They're the way they are because they keep longer without going bad, which made it easier to ship across the country. We don't have to do a lot of this anymore, but people are so used to it that most people don't really feel like changing it.
 
I suspect that we're talking about different things. This wasn't a baked cheesecake. It was a mixture of mascarpone and chocolate on the biscuit base.
No no, that is the sort I'm talking about. I've only eaten it the once, and I'm not sure if it was specifically mascarpone (don't know nearly enough about cheese to put a name to it), but it was definitely a biscuit base with actual cheese on top.
The places where I've gone recently have had an irritating habit of undercooking the chips. The last few times I've taken to sticking them in the oven for a few minutes when I get home.
Ah, that's a shame. Luckily mine tend to be pretty good unless I'm getting them from the local Chinese or Indian (particularly the Chinese, their chips have quite an unpleasant aftertaste).
 
HappyHappy (part 4) New
29th August 2013
23:48 GMT -5


Tim prods listlessly at his ketchup blob with a fry. "He-. It's not-." He sighs, not meeting our eyes. "It's not.. an injection. It's a patch; you just stick it on. And… When I.. spoke to him? He said he just… Wanted to.. feel things."

"Feel things like..?"

"Well… Ah… It makes you feel an… Emotion."

"I scanned your brain pretty thoroughly; you should be able to feel emotion normally."

He nods morosely. "Yeah. I can."

O-h.

"I.. get it. Anti-Life sucked for everyone. I'm not.. special. Couple of my friends died, but-. Wasn't all of them. My dad made it. But…" He slumps a little. "Our neighborhood got wrecked. Family business? Gone. We're not exactly a priority for rebuilding, which… Sure, I get it. It's not like we're an essential industry or anything. My great-granddad didn't get help when he started it… And that's… Fine, I can put the work in. But the dollar ain't worth shit any more. I had-. Other stuff I wanted to do, and that's… Not happening now. And like I said, I'm not special. I'm not expecting anyone to fly in and fix it for me. But… It was… Hard. And my friends, the ones who survived? They're all…"

He makes a vague 'over there' gesture.

"They've moved, they're working the same hours I am… They're trying to stick their lives back together. Lee isn't going to college, Brae had to move out of state… We don't… See each other-. Hell, for a while we couldn't even call each other. And… The white light we all saw… I felt… Alive, like I didn't have to worry about the Anti-Life… And that was great, except… When it was over… I can't get that feeling back. It's like… I felt this amazing thing, and I know I'm never going to feel that way again."

He shakes his head.

"If it wasn't for the other stuff I probably wouldn't even care, but the other stuff is happening, and I… I do. I'm missing something I didn't even know existed and I only felt for about five seconds. And I'd.. rather feel like this than go back to the Anti-Life -fuck no- but I…"

Artemis nods sympathetically. "You just wanted something that felt good. Like… 'Normal'."

"Yeah." He nods. "I've never… I drink… You know, socially. Smoked cigarettes, gave it up 'cause I didn't like what it did to my sense of smell. Smoked a joint twice in my whole life. I know one guy who did coke ever. I don't want you to think I… Like I always need things like this."

I nod. "So how did you..? Get in touch with your supplier?"

He frowns weakly. "Is it even illegal?"

I shrug. "It's not a proscribed drug, specifically, but as we said, the F.D.A. isn't really functioning right now. The stuff you were taking isn't approved for sale or use. The people selling it to you were committing a crime, but you probably weren't."

"Probably?"

"It's magic."

"Is it? I just thought it was.. some kind of neurotransmitter thing…"

"I purged the mundane chemicals from your brain nine times. Each time they reappeared from nowhere."

"Oh."

"I mean, there is a neurotransmitter component, but that doesn't explain how it was doing what it did."

"I don't… I mean, I don't know anything about magic..?"

I shake my head. "No reason why you would. I'm not even sure exactly what it was doing, other than resisting my attempt to remove it."

"Is it..? Like a bad trip? One of those things that happens sometimes? Or was it more like a bad batch? Or were they..? Cutting it with something?"

"Frankly, I have no idea. If I had to guess, it's a novel piece of alchemy and they're still working the bugs out. What did it feel like to you?"

"It felt-." He shifts awkwardly. "Great, actually. I just-. I buy happy. A dose makes me feel happy for about a few hours… Half a day at most. Not… Laughing at everything like I'm drunk or high, just… Feels like I'm having a good time, whatever I'm doing. I'm still me, I still know what's happening, I can still feel other things, but it's… Nice, it takes the edge off whatever else is going on. What I got… That was more intense. Sort of like… What I figured heroin would be like. Everything was great. Everything was fine."

Wallace looks up from the remains of his burger. "Hey… Does that sound like.. Smilex to you?"

"Yes. It does."

"Wait, wait, Smilex?" Tim clenches in fear. "The stuff the Joker used on those killer vines to make people die laughing?"

Wallace nods. "Started out as an antidepressant. Side effect was, it doesn't turn off."

I point my burger at Artemis, and then actually try taking a bite before it getsuhhuuuh that's a good burger. Really makes me appreciate improving my sensory acuity.

And Artemis is on the ball. "Which is why we're worried about an OMAC getting it. We really don't need an OMAC Joker."

"Yeah-. Ah, no. Shit. I dunno. I saw him a couple of times talking to our… Our dealer. Honestly, it-. Made me think maybe it really was a drug trial or something. That's what the guy said it was; some new mood enhancer they got from a lab contact."

Artemis shrugs. "You said the OMAC said he wanted to feel things. Did he say what sort of things?"

"You don't really… You don't chat when you're… Lining up to buy drugs. Only… Thing I really know is… I just bought happy, right?" She nods. "He bought other stuff. The times I saw him, he always had something different. That was why I asked him; it seemed weird. I mean, why would an OMAC do something like that, right?"

"So just..? Feel anything..?"

"I dunno. Maybe he was mixing things at home?" He frowns. "What does..? Being an OMAC..? Actually..? Do to you? I figured it was just some kind of super-injection, but from what he said it sounded like he didn't really… Remember things from before?"

Artemis glances off to the side. "Yeah, Batman doesn't exactly boast about that part of it."

"Ah…" Tim looks to me for confirmation.

"Everyone who volunteers gets told about that, and gets the opportunity to talk to people who have been through it. But as you've observed, some people have had it worse than you."

"Huh."

"Hey, uh." Wallace looks curious. "What emotions did they sell, exactly?"

"Ah, happy, obviously. Angry. Scared. Hopeful. Calm-. I, er, tried that once." He shakes his head. "I didn't like it. You just don't react to stuff like an actual person. Ah, love-."

Artemis nods. "You try that one?"

"No." Tim shakes his head. "It sounded messed up. If you're not in love with someone, what exactly are you supposed to be feeling?

She nods.

"Excitement. I saw a couple of people who took that. That one was like coke, but I guess without messing up your nose? Beyond that, I don't really know. There wasn't a big selection when I started, and once I tried happy I wasn't interested in trying the others." He looks around at us. "So, what happens now?"

"We track the original supplier and review their work. Like I said, what they're doing is a concern because it might be unsafe, and from how the local distributor reacted to us it probably is. If they're really lucky, maybe the distributor was the problem and they can get legitimised."

"But I'm cut off."

"Yes… But... The… White light you felt? That wasn't a unique thing. Doctor Mist of the Justice League uses it full time. Has for millennia. Heck, even I got into the right headspace once, way before I became a superhero. It's difficult, but with enough arcane study there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to do the same."

Tim blinks. "Really?"

"Really. So don't despair. There's nothing a person can't accomplish with sufficient effort."

"How?"

"You.. could start with transcendental meditation…"
 
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29th August 2013
23:48 GMT -5


Tim prods listlessly at his ketchup blob with a fry. "He-. It's not-." He sighs, not meeting our eyes. "It not.. an injection. It's a patch; you just stick it on. And… When I.. spoke to him? He said he just… Wanted to.. feel things."
Well, OMACs apparently do have dulled emotions, at least while powered up. That's if OL's trouble messing with their desire sets was anything to go by. Maybe it's not impossible that some just... Didn't get that aspect turned off when they power down?

"Feel things like..?"

"Well… Ah… It makes you feel an… Emotion."
Interesting... I suppose after the Anti-Life, people need that kind of intensity.

"I scanned your brain pretty thoroughly; you should be able to feel emotion normally."

He nods morosely. "Yeah. I can."

O-h.
He means he just didn't have anything to feel about.

"I.. get it. Anti-Life sucked for everyone. I'm not.. special. Couple of my friends died, but-. Wasn't all of them. My dad made it. But…" He slumps a little. "Our neighborhood got wrecked. Family business? Gone. We're not exactly a priority for rebuilding, which… Sure, I get it. It's not like we're an essential industry or anything. My great-granddad didn't get help when he started it… And that's… Fine, I can put the work in. But the dollar ain't worth shit any more. I had-. Other stuff I wanted to do, and that's… Not happening now. And like I said, I'm not special. I'm not expecting anyone to fly in and fix it for me. But… It was… Hard. And my friends, the ones who survived? They're all…"
Probably not a unique story either, in the wake of Anti-Life.

He makes a vague 'over there' gesture.

"They've moved, they're working the same hours I am… They're trying to stick their lives back together. Lee isn't going to college, Brae had to move out of state… We don't… See each other-. Hell, for a while we couldn't even call each other. And… The white light we all saw… I felt… Alive, like I didn't have to worry about the Anti-Life… And that was great, except… When it was over… I can't get that feeling back. It's like… I felt this amazing thing, and I know I'm never going to feel that way again."
I mean, that's part of growing up, but all this just made it... Worse? Faster? But the White Light event fallout... There's gotta be a lot of people chasing that emotional high, isn't there?

He shakes his head.

"If it wasn't for the other stuff I probably wouldn't even care, but the other stuff is happening, and I… I do. I'm missing something I didn't even know existed and I only felt for about five seconds. And I'd.. rather feel like this than go back to the Anti-Life -fuck no- but I…"
It's just a whole big avalanche of shite piling up, and any lingering depression from the Anti-Life isn't helping. Understandable.

Artemis nods sympathetically. "You just wanted something that felt good. Like… 'Normal'."

"Yeah." He nods. "I've never… I drink… You know, socially. Smoked cigarettes, gave it up 'cause I didn't like what it did to my sense of smell. Smoked a joint twice in my whole life. I know one guy who ever did coke ever. I don't want you to think I… Like I always need things like this."
Well, good for not getting into the harmful stuff. But this... Clearly it's going to have its own drawbacks...

I nod. "So how did you..? Get in touch with your supplier?"

He frowns weakly. "Is it even illegal?"
If it's new, no-one knows what it does or if it's harmful. They were only here because of the illegal distribution, right? They were expecting worse things than this.

I shrug. "It's not a proscribed drug, specifically, but as we said, the F.D.A. isn't really functioning right now. The stuff you were taking isn't approved for sale or use. The people selling it to you were committing a crime, but you probably weren't."

"Probably?"
There is that, I guess. Surprised they can't have some of the chemically-inclined League members look it over, or hand it off to somewhere like STAR labs for analysis.

"It's magic."

"Is it? I just thought it was.. some kind of neurotransmitter thing…"

"I purged the mundane chemicals from your brain nine times. Each time they reappeared from nowhere."
Yeah, that shit ain't normal.

"Oh."

"I mean, there is a neurotransmitter component, but that doesn't explain how it was doing what it did."
Though there does appear to be some similarity to things like alchemical formulae. This one just lasted longer than the simple potions Wally makes.

"I don't… I mean, I don't know anything about magic..?"

I shake my head. "No reason why you would. I'm not even sure exactly what it was doing, other than resisting my attempt to remove it."
And I assume Wally hasn't spoken up because he hasn't had a chance to look at it yet.

"Is it..? Like a bad trip? One of those things that happens sometimes? Or was it more like a bad batch? Or were they..? Cutting it with something?"

"Frankly, I have no idea. If I had to guess, it's a novel piece of alchemy and they're still working the bugs out. What did it feel like to you?"
Yeah, first-hand testimony to the effects should go some way to determining the benefit or harm it does.

"It felt-." He shifts awkwardly. "Great, actually. I just-. I buy happy. A dose makes me feel happy for about a few hours… Half a day at most. Not… Laughing at everything like I'm drunk or high, just… Feels like I'm having a good time, whatever I'm doing. I'm still me, I still know what's happening, I can still feel other things, but it's… Nice, it takes the edge off whatever else is going on. What I got… That was more intense. Sort of like… What I figured heroin would be like. Everything was great. Everything was fine."
Sort of an 'Always look on the bright side' feeling, eh? I'm guessing he got a stronger dose than than planned, or he was oddly receptive to the effects.

Wallace looks up from the remains of his burger. "Hey… Does that sound like.. Smilex to you?"

"Yes. It does."
Oh, that's a worry. Either Joker got out, or someone found samples. If it's even the same thing.

"Wait, wait, Smilex?" Tim clenches in fear. "The stuff the Joker used on those killer vines to make people die laughing?

Wallace nods. "Started out as an antidepressant. Side effect was, it doesn't turn off."
And sometimes too much of a good thing isn't healthy. Hence the 'laughing themself to death' results.

I point my burger at Artemis, and then actually try taking a bite before it getsuhhuuuh that's a good burger. Really makes me appreciate improving my sensory acuity.

And Artemis is on the ball. "Which is why we're worried about a OMAC getting it. We really don't need an OMAC Joker."
Any kind of mind-altering chemical, really. Especially one involving magic that may allow for external influences.

"Yeah-. Ah, no. Shit. I dunno. I saw him a couple of times talking to our… Our Dealer. Honestly, it-. Made me think maybe it really was a drug trial or something. That's what the guy said it was; some new mood enhancer they got from a lab contact."

Artemis shrugs. "You said the OMAC said he wanted to feel things. Did he say what sort of things?"
A legal drug trial would not be selling out of a dingy warehouse or the back of a van.

"You don't really… You don't chat when you're… Lining up to buy drugs. Only… Thing I really know is… I just bought happy, right?" She nods. "He bought other stuff. The times I saw him, he always had something different. That was why I asked him; it seemed weird. I mean, why would an OMAC do something like that, right?"
Someone who couldn't deal with the deadened emotions, perhaps?

"So just..? Feel anything..?"

"I dunno. Maybe he was mixing things at home?" He frowns. "What does..? Being an OMAC..? Actually..? Do to you? I figured it was just some kind of super-injection, but from what he said it sounded like he didn't really… Remember things from before?"
I have to figure mixing these things is not advisable. Who knows how the chemicals would mix?

Artemis glances off to the side. "Yeah, Batman doesn't exactly boast about that part of it."

"Ah…" Tim looks to me for confirmation.
Yeah, that feels like a 'I'm not sure I should be hearing that...' moment, and the fear suggests he's worried they might not let him go to keep it quiet.

"Everyone who volunteers gets told about that, and gets the opportunity to talk to people who have been through it. But as you've observed, some people have had it worse than you."

"Huh."
In most cases, however bad you think you had it, someone's had it worse.

"Hey, uh." Wallace looks curious. "What emotions did they sell, exactly?"

"Ah, happy, obviously. Angry. Scared. Hopeful. Calm-. I, er, tried that once." He shakes his head. "I didn't like it. You just don't react to stuff like an actual person. Ah, love-."
...That sounds suspiciously like a certain Spectrum... Could the maker be tapping the Emotional Spectrum somehow? But they don't align one-to-one...

Artemis nods. "You try that one?"

"No." Tim shakes his head. "It sounded messed up. If you're not in love with someone, what exactly are you supposed to be feeling?

She nods.
Maybe a general sort of 'I love you, Universe!' sensation. If that even comes close to describing it...

"Excitement. I saw a couple of people who look that. That one was like coke, but I guess without messing up your nose? Beyond that, I don't really know. There wasn't a big selection when I started, and once I tried happy I wasn't interested in trying the others." He looks around at us. "So, what happens now?"
At least he settled on something inoffensive. I suspect those who use something like 'Angry' can be a little combative.

"We track the original supplier and review their work. Like I said, what they're doing is a concern because it might be unsafe, and from how the local distributor reacted to us it probably is. If they're really lucky, maybe the distributor was the problem and they can get legitimised."
Like a drug lord finding a new product and selling it without being worried about any side-effects? That's a good way to fast-track cape interference.

"But I'm cut off."

"Yes… But... The… White light you felt? That wasn't a unique thing. Doctor Mist of the Justice League uses it full time. Has for millennia. Heck, even I got into the right headspace once, way before I became a superhero. It's difficult, but with enough arcane study there's no reason why you shouldn't be able to do the same."
Though I'd recommend a more balanced approach than focusing on one emotion alone. Just look how it worked out for OL.

Tim blinks. "Really?"

"Really. So don't despair. There's nothing a person can't accomplish with sufficient effort."
The hard part is surviving the everyday grind while you put that effort in.

"How?"

"You.. could start with transcendental meditation…"
Preferably without pharmaceutical assistance.

Okay, he's not a member of the group, he was just an unlucky customer. I suppose that's why they're treating him so well. And since they have the guys who were selling, a little talk to them should get some leads on the next link in the chain. I just worry what they'll find at the production end. Because this stuff sounds definitively magical in origin.
 
Tim prods listlessly at his ketchup blob with a fry. "He-. It's not-." He sighs, not meeting our eyes. "It not.. an injection. It's a patch; you just stick it on. And… When I.. spoke to him? He said he just… Wanted to.. feel things."
'It's'
"Wait, wait, Smilex?" Tim clenches in fear. "The stuff the Joker used on those killer vines to make people die laughing?
Missing speech mark.
And Artemis is on the ball. "Which is why we're worried about a OMAC getting it. We really don't need an OMAC Joker."
'an'
"Ah…" Tim looks to be for confirmation.
'me'
"Excitement. I saw a couple of people who look that. That one was like coke, but I guess without messing up your nose? Beyond that, I don't really know. There wasn't a big selection when I started, and once I tried happy I wasn't interested in trying the others." He looks around at us. "So, what happens now?"
'took'
Though I'd recommend a more balanced approach than focusing on one emotion alone. Just look how it worked out for OL.
White light is a mix of emotions though, so I think it might not be a concern in the same way. Nommo turned out pretty well, I think.
 
Later our former drug dealer friend becomes a wizard, and starts getting into heroics. But forgets to come up with a proper pseudonym.
Someone asks him who he is on the job and he panics, casting a few more spells as a distraction to buy time to think, before slowly answering:
"There are some who call me.... Tim?"
 
Later our former drug dealer friend becomes a wizard, and starts getting into heroics. But forgets to come up with a proper pseudonym.
Someone asks him who he is on the job and he panics, casting a few more spells as a distraction to buy time to think, before slowly answering:
"There are some who call me.... Tim?"
You've met Simon the Sorcerer, now get ready for Tim the Theurgist.
 
Well… Ah… It makes you feel an… Emotion."

"I scanned your brain pretty thoroughly; you should be able to feel emotion normally."

He nods morosely. "Yeah. I can."

O-h.

Just not the right emotions.

know one guy who ever did coke ever. I

Maybe, "who even did coke once"

Ah, love-."

Artemis nods. "You try that one?"

"No." Tim shakes his head. "It sounded messed up. If you're not in love with someone, what exactly are you supposed to be feeling?

Not to mention the high likelihood that it can be used a a date-rape drug.
 
Later our former drug dealer friend becomes a wizard, and starts getting into heroics. But forgets to come up with a proper pseudonym.
Someone asks him who he is on the job and he panics, casting a few more spells as a distraction to buy time to think, before slowly answering:
"There are some who call me.... Tim?"
Thus began the tale of Tim Hunter, not to be confused with Timothy Hunter.
 
Wallace looks up from the remains of his burger. "Hey… Does that sound like.. Smilex to you?"

Hmmm. That made me do some free associating, and I wonder if this is another move from the Sane Hatter and his little conspiracy. As a Gotham Rogue specialized in brains, he's probably at least passingly familiar with Smilex and its effects. Even if not using Smilex itself, perhaps he could figure out a brain alteration chemical of similar effect enhanced with magical assistance from Anarky and the Question.

Was testing it on an OMAC the entire point of this operation? I doubt they were doing it to make money from drug sales.
 
Later our former drug dealer friend becomes a wizard, and starts getting into heroics. But forgets to come up with a proper pseudonym.
Someone asks him who he is on the job and he panics, casting a few more spells as a distraction to buy time to think, before slowly answering:
"There are some who call me.... Tim?"
The question then becomes will Paul give him a skull cap with rams horns?
 
Meanwhile, on Earth 8096 New
15th June 2012
15:26 GMT +2
Earth 8096

I take a small sip of hot chocolate, listening to the sliding back of chairs and movement of feet as the other patrons clear out in something of a hurry.

Latverians have a complicated relationship with their sovereign, but no matter how much better they think he is than the alternatives none of them want to be around when he's about to fight someone.

Someone wearing significantly heavier armour than the local citizenry marches around and takes up position opposite me, and in the corners of my eyes I see billowing green cloth and shining metal.

"Lantern."

I look up at his metal faceplate. "Y-. I'm sorry, do you prefer 'your majesty' or 'doctor'?"

And scan-. Yeah, that didn't work. But scan his environment because that mask isn't sealed…

Ah.

"The ego of Doom is not so fragile that it would make any difference. Why are you here, Orange Lantern?"

"Tourism. I-" I reach for my satchel. "-have a visa, if you want to check it?"

"Doom is aware of everything that happens in his kingdom. Doom is also aware than you have been attempting to arrange a meeting such as this for just under a year."

"I am grateful that you've found time for me, Doctor."

Even if I am getting a Doombot. You found a way to block my scans, the weight as roughly what I estimate yours is and it even breathes. What it doesn't do is use oxygen.

"'Tourism'." I nod. "Doom is exceedingly sceptical."

"I hope that by learning more about Latveria and it's culture, I would learn something that would help me to become more persuasive in my missives to you. I doubted that I would see you in person, but… Here you are. I'm carrying no weapons other than the ring, which in deference to Latverian weapon control laws I'm not wearing. If you wish for me to leave, then I will of course do so at once."

He continues staring down at me.

I gesture towards the counter, where the woman manning it is standing to attention.

"Would you like a hot chocolate? It's really quite good. And so are the pastries; you would not believe how hard it is to get good food in America. Your farming and food adulteration policies should be the model for the world to follow."

Might be a bit… Impractical in some places, but definitely something to aim for.

"Doom studied in America for several years, as well you know. Doom is aware of the failings of American agriculture."

I nod, waiting politely.

"Since Doom is here, speak your piece. State your case."

"I feel that you have the capacity to be a tremendous benefit to humanity, and that your feud with Doctor Richards -not that I'm attempting to minimise the significance of what he did to you- is distracting you for making progress in that direction. So I was wondering if there was something that I could do that would help you in that regard."

He keeps staring. If it was really him, I'd assume that his heads-up display was showing him something. Since it's a Doombot, I assume that it's awaiting instructions. Doom himself might actually be using it to speak to me now.

"Doom does not require assistance, especially not from you."

"Clearly. But it might be helpful; speeding certain projects up, or encouraging people to listen to you who might otherwise be prejudiced against you." I take another sip of hot chocolate, in case he wants to say something. No? Alright. "I'm not Doctor Richards or Anthony Stark. I know that I'm nothing like as intelligent as you. But that doesn't mean that I'm useless."

I put my left hand on the part of my shirt covering the ring.

"May I?"

"Doom will permit this."

I reach in and put the ring on, the environmental shield activating at once. But I don't don my armour.

"I found this in the Antarctic while bailing out one of my daughter's field trips." A small box materialises on the table in front of him. "My gift to you. And while I make no demands, I would respectfully recommend that you use it for something which demonstrates to the rest of the world that I already know; that you are a great untapped resource."

He picks up the box, staring at it and presumably running some sort of scanner over it. It's not critically important because he's not actually here, but there's such a thing as keeping up appearances.

Satisfied, he opens it, revealing the small ingots of Antarctic vibranium I recovered from the Savage Land. I've… Chosen not to tell T'Challa that I copied the machines he uses for processing it.

He stares for a moment, and then closes the box keeps it firmly grasped in his left hand. "Doom accepts this tribute, and shall consider what you have said. Now GO."

I down the last of the chocolate as I rise to my feet, leave the.. last of my Latverian currency as a tip along with the cup, pick up the pastry, bow deferentially to His Majesty Doctor Victor von Doom, King of Latveria, and then transition to my fallback point just outside of Latveria.

I thought that went w-.

You have twenty one messages.

Because of course private communications aren't a thing in Latveria.

Are they all from the same person?

Yes.

Is it Janet?

Yes.

Because of course it is.

Just call Janet.

Calling 'Jan-

"She's not going to the prom!"

-et'.

"Janet, hi, sorry I couldn't-"

"She's not going to the prom, Paul! The PROM!"

"-pick up. And… Um, okay? Did she-"

"It's tomorrow! She can't not go to the prom! It's social suicide!"

"-say why? I-. If there's no one that she wants to go with-."

"It's because-. She doesn't want to go if she can't touch the guy she's with. I though the force field fixed that?"

"It's not a hundred percent reliable. It would cover hand-holding fairly reliably for a few hours, but after that-."

"But it's not even that bad!"

"She's a bit fixated, but don't panic. I know someone she can go with."

"Ah, I don't think sending Leech to a mutant school-."

"No, not Leech."

"Good, because he's not a bad guy? But she's kinda totally out of his league. Wait, you're not thinking of Sebastian-?"

"No? He's my age. Just-. Leave it with me. Just… Help her with her dress and whatever else she needs. I'll be back in about an hour."

"Okay. Okay. Consider it managed. Just make sure he's… Good."

"I will. Thank you, Janet. You're indispensable."
 
Ah, Doom. The only thing that makes me not shudder in horror at the world of Marvel.
 

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