I reach across and grab Mr. Smith's hand as he goes to open the car door. "Peace, Peacemaker. We are serving a higher good."
He turns to face me, clearly aggrieved. "But she goes to Heaven, right? I shoot her, her soul turns back into Harleen Quinzel and Harley Quinn stops existing. So killing her is good for everyone!"
Bro, you don't need to kill
every bad person you meet. The Punisher, you aren't.
I regard him placidly, placing both hands on his shoulders. "It is not good for you to default to killing people every time that you run into difficulty. I am concerned for the state of your soul, Peacemaker. I believe that you are a fundamentally good man, but you need to learn restraint and proportionality."
In other words,
chill.
"But murder is proportionate to murder! It's exactly the same thing!"
"While she is guilty of ethics violations for her treatment of the Joker, her later offences were committed under the influence of Smilex, just like his."
In other words, it's
not proportional.
"I know, which-" He nods in an exaggerated motion. "-means that she goes to Heaven when she dies."
"Which means that I can cure her, making murder disproportionate."
And besides, would you want to deprive the world of her marvellous
presence?
He drop back into his seat, arms moodily folder across his chest. "Fine."
There's a knock on the window, and we both turn to see Miss Quinn peering in. Her eyes widen slightly as she confirms the presence of Peacemaker, then she beams with delight, hopping up and down and waving.
Doing marvellous things to her
presence, no doubt.
General Flag winds down his window. "Doctor Quinzel?"
Her head jerks around to look at him. "Oh hoiy! Yous knows Peacemakah?"
...Reluctantly. I guess she doesn't really notice his resemblance to his son, though, or is hiding it.
Flag doesn't smile back. "Yeah. You wanna get in?"
She pulls back slightly, and I see the intelligence crowd out her Smilex-induced mania. "I don't think I showd get int' a cawr with strange men."
Wise lady. Though if it were anyone else, she'd probably be the most dangerous one in the car.
"Alright. My name is Richard Flag. I believe you knew my son, Richard Flag Junior."
Her eyes widen.
"And you're Doctor Harleen Quinzel. And now we're all friends-"
Yeah, this isn't a simple courtesy visit. I suspect you had her attention before but now you have her
interest.
She's already dashing around to the passenger side door.
"-you can.. get in."
She springs into the seat and closes the door. "Where we gowin, Dick Seenyah?!"
...She's just doing that to be annoying, isn't she?
Peacemaker snorts with amusement, and I see Miss Quinn watching his response in the rear view mirror as General Flag pulls away from the curb.
Being exposed to Smilex doesn't make you stupid.
Murderous, yes. Detached from conventional morality, definitely. Stupid, no. Just look at Joker, especially in the comics. Some of
his plans were complex, if a little cracked now and again.
Then she spots me, and looks… Probably about as serious as she can.
"Royt, Senyeh. So awr you a psychopomp an' weyah awl dead already? If you awr, good job, 'cause I didn' feel a thing."
He's not nearly perky, gothic or
female enough for that.
"No, Miss Quinn."
"'caws Peacemakah doyd, and… Seenyah, weyl, he don't look so young no mowah."
Sadly, all four of you remain amongst the living.
"Even so."
"I didn't die." Peacemaker blinks confusedly. "I just got shot in the throat and had a building fall on me. I was fine."
...Usually,
either of those
things is enough to kill people.
Miss Quinn pulls a face, nodding. Then she leans over to General Flag. "I see dead people." She nods. "They don't know they're dead."
"I'm not dead." Peacemaker rotates his head to face me. "I'm not dead, right?"
This isn't the Sixth Sense, and there's not
nearly enough Bruce Willis in here for that gag. ...Unless you've been picturing him as Rick Senior?
"You're not dead."
"Okay." He doesn't sound confident. "Because a guy could survive getting shot in the throat if it missed the artery and windpipe or he got a doctor to fix it right away, and a guy could survive a building falling on him if he got really lucky, but I just realised that the only reason I'm still alive is that Waller decided to rescue me and that doesn't sound at all realistic."
Yeah, those sort of odds... You'd have better luck of winning the lottery jackpot. In
America.
Miss Quinn shrugs. "Maybe she loiks you."
He shakes his head. "I don't think so."
Well, he
is dumb, skilled and follows orders well enough, mostly.
"It could be. Women's sex droyves increase when they hit menopaws."
His eyes widen. "Then I really hope not."
Why you gotta put that image in our heads, Harley?
General Flag shakes his head. "I didn't need that image, Quinzel. How come she hasn't you picked up again after you blew up that chemical plant?"
"Blackmail." She shrugs. "Anythin' happen t'me, everything I got on her goes out on the internet."
Must be good shit, then. Otherwise she'd have pulled your pin instead.
"Bloodspot thinks she'd go after him if he ever came back to the United States."
"Maybe what he's gawt ain't what oi gawt."
The
really good shit, then.
Peacemaker leans forwards. "What d'you mean? You took copies of the Corto Maltese files, same as him."
"Yeyeh, see, that wasn't exactly my furst rodeo. I was orwn a nother Suicide Sqward mission seven yeyahs agow."
People don't talk about
that one, though. To the point the DCEU only
kind of recognises it as canon.
Flag nods. "What mission was that?"
"Midway City. See, I figahd, aftah Corto Maltese, maybe I needed somethin' a bit strongah. An' that when I remembered what Deadshot and Rick Junior tol' me about what Wallah did in Midway."
Goes to show, she is no idiot, Smilex-induced looniness or not.
I frown. "And what was that?"
"Murdered a whole room fullah her own goys." She raise her right hand, making a gun gesture. "Pop pop pop. So oi went back theyah, found some shell casin's, and Rick's body camera recowdin', and oi figu'ed that was awl oi needed. "
Man, Waller must have been distracted if she didn't have all that cleaned up after things blew over.
…
General Flag focuses extremely closely on the road. Peacemaker jerk upright and hits his helmet on the roof.
Yeah, that would be solid
gold material for getting Waller in deep shit.
Which leaves me. "Miss Quinn, I understand that you and the Joker have parted ways."
"Yeyah. We have."
Noisily and violently, I bet.
"In that case, I have a number of services I am willing to offer you."
She frowns in exaggerated confusion. "I don't pay fer it. An' ain't that kinda a weird business fer an angel?"
Admittedly, while I'm sure his prowess would be
heavenly, that's more of an Incubus thing.
I.. blink. "I can get rid of your bomb implant, and I can undo the effect that the Smilex has had on you. In exchange, I would ask that you share what you have, so that Amanda Waller can be punished for her actions."
"Pff, no."
...Is that a blanket no, or do we have to guess which parts you object to?
I pause to allow her to expand her answer, but she doesn't.
"Which part are you refusing?"
Harley apparently tends to forget her inner monologue is
just that:
Inner.
"Oh, yous can get rid a' the bomb, and screw Waller, but I'm keepin' my brain how it is. I euwned this, an' I actually loik it."
"Ah, I understand." I nod. "Even separated, you still pine for him."
Her eyes narrow. "Yous take that back."
Ooh, yeah. Big old berserk button there.
"It's a very common, especially in abusive relationships which so define a person's life. You have my eternal sympathy and understanding, and I shall trouble you on the subject no more."
"B-low me."
...Is that a
request, or..?
Lan, no, that was not...
15th December 2023
11:28 GMT -5
I lower the flannel from my mouth as the blushing Dr. Quinzel hands the data stick to General Flag. "This shows the whole thing. I hope you nail that bitch to a wawll."
He nods. "That's the plan."
...I'm sure there's a perfectly
polite explanation for all this.
Bonus?
