7th November 2012
09:46 GMT -5
"F-eh."
The eagle's head darts left and right, fascinated Americans careful to keep out of potential lunge-distance but none the less forming a huddle of street-theatre appreciation. We're walking the streets of Washington to see if he can pick anything up. Or rather, I am while he rides along on a construct perch. So far he hasn't got a dickybird.
"What?"
"What's that smell?"
"How old are you?"
"I was here to greet the first European settlers." He ruffles his wings. "My cries echoing out across the bay, welcoming them to a land where men might stand tall."
"Funny, I don't remember Leif Erikson mentioning that."
He swivels his head towards me. "Who?"
I roll my eyes, and he goes back to watching for… Whatever eagelic manifestations of American Freedom watch for. "I mean, compared to the older American cities, I don't believe that Washington DC smells that bad."
"Are you talking about shit?"
"Shit, sweat, the unwashed masses with limited access to sanitation. Things like that."
"I'm an eagle. I don't care about human shit. Unless there's blood it in."
"Why, what's..?"
"Well, I wouldn't kill a human, but if they're going to die anyway there's no point wasting the meat."
"Ah… Just… Let me know if you smell… Human blood like that while I'm here."
"You want some?"
"No, but I'm willing to trade American food for the opportunity to get people medical attention."
"Deal."
"So… Do you have a name, or are you just The Eagle of Freedom?"
"That's not a name, that's a title." He points his wing out in what can't be a natural gesture for an eagle. "What's over that way?"
"About a quarter of the city? In a direct line…" Fiddlesticks. "The White House, where Uncle Sam is currently visiting."
"Sam doesn't smell like that."
"Well, maybe…" I take another look at the crowd. A few people are just following us along, creating an obstacle for the traffic as we go. "Don't talk about it where other people might hear that and report back?"
"Oh, no. None of these people can hear me. I'm a spirit animal."
So they've been recording me talking to an eagle… Acting like I was having a conversation with an eagle-.
"Okay, but they can see you, can't they?"
"Of course they can see me, I'm a giant bald eagle. Did you think they were seeing a budgie?"
"I don't know, you're a spirit animal. Last time I dealt with a spirit animal for any length of time, it was a construct enslaved to my ring. And it died."
"Yes, they all see a huge and glorious eagle, and they feel just a bit more proud and liberated. That's why they're following us."
"No, I think that's more of a 'follow the fuckhead' thing. We're street theatre."
"No, I'm pressing their cultural buttons and making their spirits resonate with the soul of the nation." He spreads his wings and poses for the crowd. "Feel my American spirit!"
"You said they can't understand you."
"No, I said they can't understand what I'm saying."
"I could set my rings to translate for you, if you want."
"This is a spiritual journey for you. It's not supposed to be for everyone."
"Like A-."
"Yes like America. Everyone has a chance to soar, everyone has a chance to plummet to their death because they misjudged a thermal. Do you see a parachute on my back?"
"No."
"No. That's right. And speaking of America, where's the Japanese embassy?"
"Massachusetts Avenue. Why?"
"Not a lot of Shinto shrines around here, but there should be one in the embassy."
I frown. "I can just fly us to-."
He flaps his wings as if to demonstrate his vigour. "I'm not a cripple, I'm just inclined to preserve my energy. It's a wild predator thing."
I pick up the perch and fly towards the embassy, to the pronounced disappointment of the crowd. "You mean lazy."
"It's instinctual."
"Why do we need a Shinto shrine?"
"I know Lady Liberty 'diversified her portfolio', and I need to talk to her."
"Will she understand what you're saying?"
"Of course she'll understand what I'm saying. We're part of the same pantheon, even if she has jumped ship."
"And you're not upset about that?"
"It's not easy being a spiritual manifestation in a monotheistic country. Besides, the Japanese could use some personal liberty."
"I'm pretty sure they've got liberty."
"No, the doors are open, but their minds are stuck in their pens. You know?"
"I know what you mean, but I'm not sure you're right."
"Let me know when you become a spirit animal."
I stop in the air and stare at him, my human body retreating and my snake body coming to the fore.
"Like now?"
"Ooooh I just guanoed myself. Okay. Spirit snake animal. Yeah."
"Right. I've just got a job."
"I have a job. And when I find him I'm going to peck Uncle Sam in the face until he gets back to doing his."