"Neither does the Most High. It is possible for an omnipotent being to remove the human capacity for moral failure, and yet the Most High would not countenance it. However, you have recently had considerable exposure to a substance Orange Lantern had called 'ground evil'."
Uncle Sam pats the left side of his chest with his right hand. "That what it was. Stung a little."
No need to put on a brave face, hero.
"I should be able to remove any lingering influence. This is something I offer freely, without requiring that you to follow any particular religion or to encourage others to do so."
"You can?" I smile curiously. "How does that work? I thought that kaahuite accumulated around the once place in creation where God had no presence. That's why it works against angels."
On the other hand, everything around it...
That, he can mess with.
Zauriel nods solemnly. "Yes, but the rest of Uncle Sam's body does fall within the auspices of Creation. It is simply a matter of excluding everything that I cannot touch."
I look around a the crowd gathered around the real Washington Monument, being politely encouraged not to approach closer by the local police. I awkwardly wave my right hand, and am greeted by a volley of clicks as tourists from all over make sure to get a picture.
Yeah, this shit is going to be all over the local 'Tubes. 'British man rescues America from itself!' would be an amusing title to see...
"Go ahead, then. And make it snappy; I need to haul my ugly brother to jail where he belongs."
Zauriel nods and
screeches a note
Zauriel nods and screeches a note
And it's like the universe skips sideways for a moment. Sam jerks in apparent alarm as a cloud of dust drops out of his, but as far as I can tell he isn't harmed in any way.
Ow. Is
that what it's like when reality skips a beat for a second? ...Wonder if he can do that to people's
clothes?
Like say,
underwear.
"Allow me."
A vacuum cleaner construct sucks it all up, and I get to replenish my reserves of kaahuite ammunition.
Ever the magpie, eh, OL?
Sam nods. "Now, just one thing-"
The eagle flies out of the still-fuzzy Memorial, hat still in his claws. He slows as he approaches Uncle Sam, backwinging in order to deliver the hat into his outstretched right hand.
And boy, is
that ever going to be making the meme circuit in record time.
Sam looks at it, frowning.
"Now, why would anyone want to do a thing like that?" He raps his left knuckles against the stovepipe, causing it to invert once more. He smiles. "Much better. Now."
Back to his usual style. Johnny should have known,
never mess with a man's hat.
He carefully restores the hat to its place upon his head.
"Is there something I can do for you gentlemen by way of thanks?"
And that's no small offer, because if Sam is one thing, it's
honourable.
"Undo whatever Johnny was up to and give Boss Smiley a black eye."
"I was planning on doing that anyway."
Assuming he can
find the Grinning Git. Bastard has a knack for
hiding.
"The only other things it… You haven't seen John Constantine, have you?"
"I can't say I know who that is."
To be expected, if he's been locked away for nearly fifty years. John's old, but not
that old.
Drat.
I sigh. Still, Sam's back and hopefully Boss Smiley is… Whatever he's up to is set back a little.
Probably grumbling a bit about the fact his name is out in heroic circles. But a little trickery and they'll soon forget about him.
Dr. Balewa considers the portal at the Memorial. "Should we not do something about that foul realm, or the beings who live within?"
Sam shakes his head. "Impossible. Every civilization has its failings. Pretending they're not there doesn't help. No, it's confronting them that reminds you why they have to be fought, and lets you build the will to fight them."
An
appropriate statement. If he weren't a magical being, he'd do well with a Green Power Ring, I bet.
He scoffs.
"Hn. Do you really think that killing a bunch of worms would prevent dishonest politicians taking bribes? If it were that simple I'd have done it right at the start."
And I don't doubt that a young and foolish Sam did try.
Once.
"Thet, I understand. But I could seal the doors with stronger bindings than occur naturally. It would prevent a great deal of the leakage thet has been occurring."
Sam nods. "That doesn't sound-. Do you fellows need to ask Johnny any questions?"
Better locks on the doors, eh? One way to keep things calm and secure.
"Mister Reb, do you know where John Constantine is?"
He just glowers at me. The gag probably isn't helping, but I doubt that he'd want to share either way.
If looks could kill, you'd probably be
physics right now.
And… He's magical being whose reaction to the orange light I can't reasonably predict, especially given that those chains of his could drain it right out of whatever touched it. And there isn't an urgent need in the way there was with Uncle Sam.
"His aid will not be necessary. The Demon Constantine became somewhat helpful after you left."
Well, that's good. A few new leads on the real man, then?
"You know where John Constantine is?"
"I believe that I know how to find him."
Well, then. One bet what the
next episode will focus on, eh?
"And I doubt that he'll tell us anything about Boss Smiley. I don't have anything. Zauriel?"
Zauriel walks closer to Johnny Reb. "Would you like me to hear your confession?"
...Have you got a couple of
years to spare? It could take a while.
"'o."
"Alan?"
"I just wanna go home and take a shower."
Because there's some feelings a Ring can't just wipe away...
He flashes blue for a moment, sweat and crime vanishing from his body.
"Oh. In that case, let's go."
...No matter how hard and often you might try.
Sam makes eye contact with Mr. Reb. "I've been out of the loop for half a century, but since we're locking the door anyway, is there a reason we can't just throw him through and forget about him?"
"It would violate the fifth amendment. We do have a prison for holding magic users, now. Though I admit it would be really convenient."
And do you
want him still on the loose in there, spreading his bullshit across America's collective subconscious?
Sam smiles. "Time was, folks were a bit more rough and ready about that kind of thing. I approve. If we don't treat everyone equally before the law then we're not better than him." He thinks for a moment. "Though you're right about-."
A huge talon reaches through the portal, grabbing Johnny Reb and pulling him through!
Well, they passed his little test, but it seems someone else has plans for Johnny-boy.
"Mwu-?"
Alan's quickest off the mark but I'm right on his tail as we fly through the portal-.
Because this
might be a play by the Yellow-faced Asshole to reclaim an asset, of course.
Just in time to watch the gigantised vulture peck Mr. Reb's head off.
She tosses her head back to swallow it, then looks down at us.
...Right, then.
"What? He was defenceless, and I was hungry. And you weren't going to die."
"That wasn't the point."
"I'm a scavenger. It's an important part of the ecosystem. I clean things up. And I've got a lot of worms to eat."
Well, can't blame Gordon for doing what she does.
Alan and I look at each other, but I'm not exactly sad that he's finally dead, and I don't want to stay here a moment longer than I have to.
We walk back through the soon-to-be-locked portal as the vulture throws her head back to swallow the rest of him.
That'll make an interesting report on what happened, though. "Yeah, a giant corporate vulture ate him. Circle of Life and all that."
