20th January 2013
21:24 GMT
"Yeah." Jordan narrows his eyes. "Because that doesn't sound sketchy at all."
"Why do you hate ponies, Lantern Jordan?"
He puts his hands on his hips. "Because when I was five years old my mom took my brother and me to a fairground. We were supposed to get a pony ride, but it bit me. I wasn't allowed back."
"Because you got bitten?"
"Because I punched it in the face for biting me. I've hated ponies ever since."
…
This might be harder than I expected.
"Ah, these-. Wilsonian ponies aren't actually all that much like equus ferus caballus. The eyes are forward-facing, the head's larger-."
"Why can't you just get Gardner to call up Lantern Sur's records from the central database? He's got full access."
"You see, there's 'full access' and then there's
full access."
There's a
slight delay, and then he nods as he gets it.
"So you think he's got secure files on my ring, and you think that if you contact Oa they won't release them because we don't Need To Know."
"I'm not entirely sure that he'd have uploaded them. Because he might have decided that the
Guardians didn't need to know." Jordan frowns. "Really, I just need to know if there are any periods where his actions… Where he was going, started being out of character. I'm trying to get a location…"
"Lantern Sur was with the Corps for a long time. Can you narrow it down?"
"Sometime after his daughter was murdered."
Jordan's face falls slightly. "I didn't.. know he had a daughter."
"Well, no, when he met
you he didn't any longer: she was dead. As I said, murdered."
"He caught whoever did it?"
I gesture to his ring with my right hand. "You tell me."
"If you want my help,
stop dicking me around."
"Alright. Fine. I don't know for certain, but I heard that he caught her and didn't hand her over to the authorities."
Jordan shakes his head. "That's… Not Abin Sur. Some guys in the Corps… Yeah, I could see-."
"No no no no no. I don't think he
killed her. I think he… Ah… Arranged for her to undergo experimental psychological therapy, because as far as he could tell nothing else would change her."
"How the hell could you know anything about it, and not know..? What is it you don't know?"
"Exactly where it happened. Because you'd have to be
sure, wouldn't you? If you were going to let the woman who killed your daughter out. You'd have to be
completely certain that she wouldn't do anything like that again. You'd have to be sure that she was a new woman. And I really…
Don't know where it happened, because if I did then I wouldn't be bothering you."
"How does that help your girlfriend?"
"Luna's sister's coltfriend-"
"Seriously?"
"-had a-. Yes. Had a dark magic episode and fell to the dark side. I'm hoping that by studying Abin Sur's techniques I might be able to help him."
"Somehow I don't think you're giving me the whole story."
"Ah. Okay? Sunset Shimmer was brought into the Canterlot-"
"Again: seriously?"
"-palace at a young and impressionable age, and formed a close-."
"Not-. Okay, not the
whole story. Just the relevant parts."
"Ah… See… You're relying on my opinion about what's relevant, so even if I'm not
deliberately trying to deceive you, you might end up not knowing something you wanted to know."
"So you're just trying to help your girl-.
Fillyfriend's-"
"She's over a hundred, so that's a bit-.
"-sister?"
"Kind of? I mean, we get on okay, but it's mostly to try and fix her relationship with Sunset. Which I don't think she
should fix and if I wasn't dating Luna I probably wouldn't bother with but it's clearly gnawing at both of them…"
"What's to fix?"
"Celestia's over a thousand years old and ponies don't usually live much longer than humans. A thousand years without anyone she can really consider an equal. And that's why I appreciate Artemis so much." I reach out slowly and place my right hand on his shoulder. The first two fingers anyway, and he only
reinforces his environmental shield a little before pushing my hand off. "And to a lesser degree, you and the rest of the Justice League. I know that in a hundred years, five hundred years, Diana, Kal-El, J'onn J'onzz and Richard will still be around. I'll have someone to talk to, you know?" He nods slowly. "Someone who's seen the same things I have. Been through the same things I have. Celestia didn't have that. For a thousand years."
"Okay, but what's that got to do with Sunset. She was her student, right?"
"Celestia bungled the interpersonal part of the relationship due to not understanding how other ponies think. We think. She might have always had terrible social skills. Point is, I think Celestia having someone else she can relate to as an equal will help her…
Comprehend other people. Because… Like I said, Abin Sur would have to be
really sure that there wouldn't be a repeat
ever, and Sunset feels the same way about Celestia."
"I don't think Celestia murdered her daughter."
"Well… No, but ponies have these things called 'special talents'… They get these magical arse tattoos-."
He puts his hands up. "Okay, you know what? I'm just going to call up the files so I can stop listening to this."
"That's what everyone says to start with, and then they find themselves in pony form with a slice of Welcome to Ponyville cake in one hoof and a party hat on their head somehow feeling like they don't want to leave. They're infectious."
"Ring,
when did Abin Sur's daughter die?
"Celn Sur was murdered in nineteen seventy eight by Iroque the Merciless."
"'The Merciless'? Seriously?"
"No other name on file."
"Okay, great, where'd he take her?"
"No location on file."
"Ooh, I got this one. Jordan's ring, if you had a
shadow self that was much like you, but not bound by your restrictions, what would it tell me was her last known location?"
Jordan frowns. "What?"
"What, you've never seen Critters? You know, where they tell the lift to
not take them.. to..? You haven't seen it."
"No, I-. I haven't.
Ring?"
"No location on file."
"Okay… How about you show me every… Gap of more than a day where Lantern Sur didn't use his ring, and we go from there."