OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

The Difference Between Us.

Mizore looked at the large jar of colored pills set on the table. "What's this?" she asked. "Candy?"

"Noooo, they are age deceiving pills Negi-sensei gave me," Ayaka said while doing her homework. "If you swallow one, it'll make you look older or younger, depending on the color and dosage."

Mizore plucked one out of the jar. "What about this one?"

Ayaka lifted her gaze to look at it. "That one would make you look five years older."

Mizore grinned. "At last! I'll prove that I'll look even better than you when I'm your age…!"

She flung the pill into her open mouth, and a moment later she was turned into a ravishing vision of youthful beauty, indeed as pretty as her half sister…

… but with an almost flat chest in stark contrast with Ayaka's exuberance.

Ayaka looked at her in silence, and then erupted into loud laughter.

---

"Good morning, girls!" Negi smiled while he was ushered into the manor for his weekend visit. "Ayaka, I heard that you really liked the—"

Without a warning, Mizore threw the jar of pills on his head.

 

[OverMaster]

If I am by Your Side.

"That... That was scary, wasn't it?" Nodoka asked as they left the room.

"Sure it was," Negi said, nodding. "It makes you think of how easily things can go wrong."

Nodoka looked down. "And even so... Sensei... Even though it was so bad seeing myself and Yue like that, doing all those things... And painful as it was, seeing you possessed by that monster... Despite everything, I couldn't help feeling there was at least one upside to it..."

"What was it?" Negi asked.

Nodoka smiled shyly, and held the hand of her first love. "That even that far into the future, we are with you."

Negi gulped. "Nodoka, I don't think that is-- There's the matter with Kot--"

Nodoka leaned towards him, closed her eyes behind the thick purple bangs, and then gave him a fleeting but firm kiss on the lips.

And then she ran away, sniffling to herself. "Oh, I'm just the worst...!"

Negi tried to reach over for her, hesitated, and finally just stood there, watching her disappear across a corner of the manor. "He's just going to kill me for this, I'm sure!"

After he retreated to his own chambers to brood, Skuld exited the bath, wrapped in a towel and drying her hair with another one. She walked into the room Nodoka and Negi had left, stared at one of the machines in development there, and scowled.

"Alright, who has been toying with my Time-Space Causality Viewer?!"

 

[OverMaster]

The Heart of a Young Lady.

"Lady Sextum!" Homura called out as she, Koyomi and Shirabe entered the room. "Lord Dynamis wants to see you…!"

There was no one in the room, but there was a note on the table. Homura picked it up and read aloud from it.

"I hit Negi Springfield very hard,
And yet he could hit me back.
I will learn what's his trump card,
So the plan may stay on track."

Koyomi panicked. "Oh my God. Now she's writing romantic poetry about him!"

Shirabe hummed. "For her standards, that's very passionate…"

 

[OverMaster]

I Miss You.

The ship is big but not that huge, and most of its space is reserved for armory and motors, so Cocone has to share her room. Well, it's more like someone has to share her room with her, since that person was here long before her.

Paiway is the ship's nurse, despite being so young, barely older than Cocone herself. Apparently she was just the apprentice but the head nurse died in a recent raid, leaving her in charge. She's ever vivacious and talkative all day long, annoying Cocone, but thankfully she's quiet and silent through the night, just sleeping like a log, barely ever moving in the bed.

Cocone wakes up around midnight, rubbing her eyes and heading towards the toilet. In her way back, she gets lost in those long, narrow and labyrinthic hallways, and trying to find her-- Paiway's-- room again, she accidentally passes by the new Captain's.

Haruna's voice comes to her ears, soft and needy. "Nodoka-chan... Yue-chan... Shiori-chan... Shizuka-chan...!"

Cocone frowns to herself. The door is ever so slightly open, just enough to allow a peek in, so she leans towards it. She's certain that she'll see something ecchi and dirty, and she'll have to scold Haruna for it, mostly through The Glare since Cocone hates speaking too much. That's fine, The Glare always works well anyway.

But she sees Haruna fully dressed, kneeling before a hollow eyed Nodoka golem, hugging it and sobbing quietly against it. The Artifact rests on Haruna's nightstand, and just as impassive golems of Yue and those two other girls from the library stand close, staring at nowhere while Haruna cries.

Cocone retreats in silence before she can be noticed.

Soon, she finds her way back and gets in the bed, next to Paiway again.

Before drifting back into a sleep of her own, she whispers a quick prayer for Saotome Haruna, disolute, bandit and rogue. Friend.

 

[OverMaster]

So You Say You Wanna Dance.

Part One.

"You don't know how to dance?" Louise asked. "Really?"

Negi, Chisame, Shiori, Yue and Nodoka all lowered their heads and shook them.

Louise sighed. "Well, I expected that from Negi, but the rest of you are over fourteen! You should know already!"

"We... We didn't have much use for such things, Yue and I only ever attended book signing ceremonies, but never balls..." Nodoka admitted.

"I don't even like music," Chisame said.

Louise gave Shiori an exasperated look. "Fine, but Asuna is more active than these three, right?! You're going to pose as her anyway!"

"Um, sorry, but she doesn't know either," Shiori poked the tips of her pointer fingers against each other, sheepishly. "Konoka-san would know, but..."

Louise facepalmed. "No, no, that won't do! You'll be expected to dance in the Governor's Ball, otherwise you'll offend everyone interacting with you! In a social gathering, you're supposed to mingle with the other guests!"

"I know everything there's to know about every form of dance!" Rakan announced, thrusting his pelvis powerfully. "You'll be fortunate enough to enjoy my lessons for the meager sum of--!"

"We'll do this on our own, thanks, we're indebted enough as it is!" Louise snapped. "Then she frowned at Kotaro. "And why haven't you said anything? Don't tell me that you know how to!"

"Why is that so surprising?" Kotaro asked her. "I'm a master of the best form of dancing ever designed!"

"Which is...?" Rito said, frowning in suspicion.

"Capoeira, of course!" Kotaro boasted. "I learned from one of Brazil's best!"

"... I freaking knew it," Rito murmured.

Louise raised an eyebrow. "Capoeira? I don't know that style. Is it anything like a waltz?"

"No, it isn't!" Rito said. "He's just as helpless at this as they are! And before you ask me, yes, I can dance! Haruna-chan taught me how to!"

"Can you dance WITHOUT stumbling on your partner and groping her, though?" Chisame asked him.

"Aaahhhhh..." Rito said.

Chachamaru approached them. "Excuse me, please. As a matter of fact, Yuuki-senpai is far less prone to such accidents when he takes the physical form of a woman."

"Okay, yeah, I remember that," Chisame said, "but how does that help us here?"

Chachamaru opened her mouth, aimed it at a blinking Rito, and shot a laser at his head. Louise and Collet shrieked in horror. "MURDER!"

However, instead of making Rito's head explode, the ray merely changed him instantly into a gorgeous female version of himself, much to everyone's surprise.

"Lala-san installed this Koro Koro Danjo-kun function into me before we took the flight to Wales," the gynoid explained while Rito stared at her own hands and despaired. "She told me that I might want to use it on Negi-sensei at some point..."

"Come to think about it, it could have helped you to disguise yourself while a fugitive, Professor," Collet reflected.

"I... I think we handled the situation well enough without the need for it, regardless," Negi said, shuddering a little while Rito started weeping softly to herself. "I take it, then, that you could teach us the basics of dancing before the ball, Master?"

"Of course I can!" Louise beamed smugly. "I was invited to all of Henrietta's balls, after all! The daughter of a noble family such as myself is expected to handle herself in a ballroom! I'll gladly teach you and Chisame..." And then she began doing dismissive gestures towards the others. "But I don't have the time to help the rest of you! Sorry!"

Shiori blinked, looking at Rito as the former boy began bashing her head against a wall. "It doesn't look like he'll be in any shape to teach us for a while, either..."

"Let him get used to it," Yue said. "We can't let him go as a man, or he'll grope every princess and female ambassador in the gala, and we'll be executed in the spot."

"What a whole load of noise over nothing!" Natsu said. "I can teach you! I'm the best dancer of Fairy Tail!"

"Oh, seriously?" Chisame asked flatly.

"Aye!" Happy said. "We've won several dance contests in the guild! Let's show them, Natsu!"

"Got it!" his friend grinned, then grabbed the shade from a lamp and put it on his own head. The two jumped on the table and began dancing wildly, throwing their legs around. "Hey! Hey! HEY!"

"Hey! Hey! HEYYYYY!" Happy repeated, swirling his hips in wide circles. "We're the lords of the dance...!"

"No, that won't do at all!" Collet said. "It's just awful!"

"Well, to be fair, we dance much better when we're drunk," Natsu said, stopping just a moment before Louise roughly shoved him off the table.

Lucy sighed. "What a pain. It's alright, Yue, Nodoka, I'll teach you. My family also used to take me to dances and I'd like to think I'm not all that bad at it."

"Thank you, Lucy-san!" Nodoka said. "We'll be eternally grateful to you!"

"We chose our replacement Haruna wisely..." Yue nodded.

"I actually like this Haruna better than the old one," Chisame said. "Can we keep her?"

Rito took a moment from bashing her head into a pulp to glare at her. "Funny..." she said icily.

"But," Lucy cautioned. "We are in a short time before the gala! Much like Louise, I don't think I can teach more than two of you in that short a frame. The rest of you will have to look for help elsewhere, sorry."

"I can teach you for a fee," Tsukuyomi offered.

"Has any of you heard anything?" Chisame asked to no one in particular.

"No, I haven't. Must be your imagination," Yue said.

"Maybe Haruka-senpai can help us when she comes back from her scouting," Nodoka hoped. "She's also from the high society, so she might have some experience as well..."

Rakan approached Natsu and slammed his large hand on his back several times. "Don't let 'em get to you, kid! That dancing was really good! You remind me a bit of myself, when I also was a brat with two left feet!"

Natsu snorted. "Let 'em! They're just jealous they can't rock the lampshade look the way I can...!"

 

[OverMaster]

Under your Skin.

"Asuka," Shinji said, "I've been thinking…"

"I wasn't aware you could. Life's full of surprises, I guess," the redhead deadpanned. "What is it?"

"The Angels have been attacking us one by one this whole time, right?" Shinji said. "Well, why don't they just attack all at once? What if they do that next time? Think about it, Asuka! What if they were just testing us? We struggle with a single Angel every time! If they sent seven or twelve at once they'd stomp us! Imagine that!"

Asuka stared wide eyed at him for a moment of pause, and then burst out laughing.

"Oh, Shinji! Always the same idiot! If they could do that, they'd have done it from the start! No need to test us! They must have some launching energy limits or something, they're just aliens after all! You take the Angels name too literally, moron! Besides, if they did, I'd beat them all on my own, so you don't have to be afraid for your puny ass!"

"Well, if you say so…"

"Idiot!" Asuka scoffed, turning her attention back to her cellphone.

---

Late that night, she was still in her bed, eyes fully open and fixed on the ceiling. Gulping to herself every once in a while.

In his futon, Shinji slept quietly, with a vaguely smug smile on his lips.

 

[OverMaster]

Under the Surface.

When Rito woke up, she was fully naked in bed, and Haruna, just as naked, was caressing one of her cheeks tenderly.

"You were wonderful last night…" Haruna purred. Then she kissed her lips. "I love you so much…"

"Me too, Haruna-chan," Rito said, smiling. "I feel like I could stay in this bed with you forever…"

The third figure in the bed stirred then, moving close to Rito and massaging her hips sensuously. "Rito," Negi breathed out needily. "I want you again…"

---

"… senpai?" Sakurako said, waving a hand before his face. "Hellooooo, Senpai, are you alright?"

Rito forced himself to blink his way back to awareness. He smiled awkwardly. "Y-Yeah, sorry, Sakurako-san. I, I just failed to hear what you were asking! Maybe you could repeat it…?"

"I asked what did you see while in the Cosmo Entelecheia," Shiina repeated the question.

Rito got up from his chair and ran away, screaming his head off.

Sakurako, genuinely baffled, looked at Madoka. "Why would anyone react like that to being reminded of their deepest dream?!"

 

[OverMaster]

How About we Split your Head Instead?

"Natsumi-chan," her mother said, placing her hands on Natsumi's shoulders. "I'm not going to try and convince you to do this crazy thing, because I'm not one to talk. But I want you to always remember this. Whenever the handsome boy leading your party tells you all 'Let's split, gang', then you just tell him to go screw himself and that you aren't splitting into sitting ducks for anything."

Natsumi blinked. "What… What did Uncle Freddy do?"

Her mother sighed and tapped thrice on her own left leg. It made a hollow metallic sound.

"Wow," Natsumi said. "I never even noticed that!"

"It's not something I like to talk about," her mother said.

"No, no, I don't mean that! I mean, I never had a hunch it ever could be false…!" Natsumi marveled.

Her mother shrugged. "We got to meet a lot of people with connections, at least I can be proud of that. Have I ever told you about Dr. Quest? I think he might be of help with that space elevator thing…"

 

[OverMaster]

The Hows and Whys of Unequally Rational and Emotional!

"Hello!" Yuuna smiled at the cameras. "I'm Akashi Yuuna, and this is my co-host, Evangeline A.K. Mc Dowell!"

"The Mistress of Puppets!" Evangeline boasted. "The Lady of Darkness! The ever-living, undying vampire witch supr-- Wait, what do you mean I'm the co-host?! You're the co-host at most!"

"Today, we're answering a question about the function of my Artifact!" Yuuna moved on quickly, holding one of her handguns up. "I don't know who even sent this question, but now I'm wondering about it as well! I suspect it was Asuna since it goes 'If ghosts are magical, what happens if Yuna shoots at one with a magic sealing bullet?'"

"Ghosts aren't magical as such, but there is indeed a supernatural link bonding them to this plane of reality, so they cannot pass on," Eva lectured. "I suspect Kagurazaka asks this because she isn't brave enough to hit Aisaka's head with her Artifact herself."

"We aren't going to shoot Sayo, are we?" asked Yuuna. "I can't do that either!"

"Oh, no. I know the correct person for this demostration." Eva spread her arms open and chanted, "Though I know I should be wary, still I venture someplace scary. Ghostly haunting I turn loose... Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!"

There was a large poof of smoke, and with a long and maniacal cackle, a man appeared before them. He looked like a zombified Michael Keaton caked on flour, wearing a black and white striped suit. "AHH HA HA HA HA HA!" he bellowed. "It's SHOWTIME! Who has summoned the Ghost with the Most... Oh, Eva, it's you! Been a while!"

"Hello, BJ," Eva waved blandly. "Now, a weak ghost like Aisaka couldn't stand more than one shot before having her worldly link sealed, dumping her into the limbo between the mortal realm and the afterlife," she lectured us. "However, a stronger ghost, such as this one, can tank a single shot just fine. Shoot him, Akashi."

"O-Okay!" Yuuna said, gulping before taking aim and shooting Beetlejuice through the chest.

"Wa ha ha ha, that tickles!" the ghost laughed, and then grinned evilly at Yuuna. "I like you, kid! You remind me of Lydia...!"

"Kyaaaa!" Yuuna panicked, beginning to shoot wildly at him.

"Hey, what gives!? That was just praise, you dumb little--- Ohhhh, now you did it!" he said angrily, before collapsing on himself in a vortex of ectoplasm.

Yuuna panted, breasts bouncing up and down. "Ohmigosh. Did I... Did I just kill him?!"

"No, weren't you paying any attention?" Evangeline grumbled. "You just have sent him to limbo, a gray place of isolation, boredom, and maddening inactivity. Much like Seattle."

"And he'll be stuck there forever because of me?!"

"No, even a weak ghost like Aisaka would break back in around a month, after your effect wears off. In Beetlejuice's case... Hmmmm, I'd advice you to enjoy this week to its fullest. He'll be angry when he comes back!"

"You, you're at fault too!" Yuuna panicked.

"No, I didn't tell you to shoot him many times. Only once!"

"You were going to tell me regardless!"

"I guess we'll never know now, will we?"

"Evangeline!" Yuuna shouted. "You're mean...!"

"No, I'm just the co-host! Well, that's all for this episode! Join us next time in The Hows and Whys of Unequally Rational! Or not, for all I care..." Eva said, waving at the audience.

The curtains fell while Yuuna sobbed.

 

[OverMaster]

My Heart is Yours, and Yours, and Yours.

"Ugh..." Dana said, stirring back to her feet. "Last time I ever mix tequila with Kraken blood... Ah, you're still here?" she asked Karin, Kirie and Santa.

"Yes. Yes, we are!" Kirie said, growling.

"Why are you that upset? What did I do?" Dana smiled, sitting down and crossing her huge, meaty legs.

"You grabbed the boys and threw them into the past of this fortress, so they could meet my Master when she still was just your student," Karin seethed.

"Yes, well, that was my plan from the start, I'd set Touta to meet Kitty when she was-- Wait. Have you just spoken in plural?"

"Apparently," Santa said respectfully, "you saw something amusing about fishing through the timestream first, before enacting that final step..."

Dana paused, and then gave a deep chortle. "Well! Sometimes, I find ways to shock even myself...!"

Evangeline walked into the room, with Nagi held by the neck under an arm, and Negi and Touta under the other one. "Dana!" she commanded. "Find us a priest who won't ask questions, right now...!"

 

[OverMaster]

Our Boy is Growing Up.

"Negi-sensei," Rito said, stopping behind him. "The boys and I have been talking, and we've decided to stage an intervention. You're burning yourself too fast, working yourself too hard. You'll only end up hurting yourself! We all know your goals are noble, but... well... you can't save everyone. Sorry," he finished in a truly regretful tone.

"Hmmmm! I know," Negi said, still not lifting his gaze from the schematics he was working at.

"Ah?" Rito said.

"Between the things I heard from Erebus-san, Chao's explanations about her future, what we saw in Negi John's world, and what Nodoka-san and I witnessed through Skuld-san's Cause and Probability device, I've come to accept that I need to focus my efforts on a manageable level, rather than deluding myself into believing I can save absolutely everyone, when even my father could not. But don't worry, I won't kill myself, and I will save all of the girls. Haruna-san will be safe."

Rito blinked. "I... I see!" he said meekly after several moments. "That's good to know!"

He turned around and left the room.

"Well?" Itoshiki-sensei eagerly asked him once outside, surrounded by the other men. "How did it go?!"

Rito made a vague shrug of shoulders. "Actually, I don't think we have to worry about him after all. Now, us, that may be another story...!"

 

[OverMaster]

The Girl without Bells in her Hair.

"Oh my God!" Asuna gasped in horror, backing away from the large tube. "What, what is that?!"

"It's your clone," Negi said. "With the genetic samples we took from you, we created a biologically perfect duplicate."

Asuna gave him an aghast look. "You... You never told me that's what the tests were for! Why have you done this?!"

"Isn't it obvious? Negi couldn't stand the thought of sacrificing you, so we settled for this," Skuld said. "The clone has all of your properties so it should work fine as your replacement. It will be sealed in hibernation while Mundus Magicus is stabilized, so you don't need to."

"That's still a life you're ruining!" the outraged Asuna said. "How do you dare...!"

"Asuna," Negi said. "She doesn't have a mind of her own. She doesn't have any thoughts or rational thoughts, she's a vegetable."

"What?" Asuna blinked.

"It.. She's not really human, since she cannot have a personality, the way you do," Skuld said. "She'll be kept in life support, but otherwise, she couldn't even think of feeding herself. Not even instinctively. She's just a meat doll with your appearance and capacities. She doesn't even have a soul."

"I... I see..."

Asuna looked up at the naked girl floating in that clear fluid, her eyes closed. It was like staring at a mirror, for the most part.

"But, even so..."

"It's the only way," Negi said. "So you don't leave Konoka, Setsuna, Ayaka, Takamichi. Me," he finished, in a somewhat strangled tone.

"There's no point on having you sacrifice yourself if a mindless thing can be put in your place," Skuld said.

"I suppose..." Asuna said, lowering her head.

She reached over, and touched the surface of the tube with a hand.

A century later, an old man pushed a wheelchair. He and the frail, withered woman in the chair were surrounded by several large men in black suits.

"This is the place, Mother," the old man said, while they came to a slow stop.

"Yes..." the even older woman wheezed, squinting her mismatched eyes. "I can... I can see..."

She looked at the beautiful, naked young body laying on the grass.

"This... This is where I'd have appeared, then...?"

The old man nodded. "That's what Aunt Skuld says. Do you see? It's just like we told you, Mother. Even now, she isn't alive. She isn't going to hear you..."

"I don't care, Nagi-kun. Please. Get me closer."

He sighed, and pushed her towards the inert body, gently.

The old woman reached down, taking that cold but still firm and soft hand in her small, shriveled one.

"I'm sorry. So sorry..."

She squeezed as best as she could.

Asuna Springfield wept.

 

[OverMaster]

You Bastard!

"Oh, mother, there are so many stories I want to hear from you!" Negi gushed. "Please tell me, what was your wedding with Father like?"

Arika blinked. "Wedding? Which wedding? We never got married!"

Negi's jaw slacked down. "---!"

"You mean that Nozomu, Rakan, Takamichi and Eishun never told you?" his mother asked.

---

When Chisame came back, she saw Negi sitting on the couch with a distraught face, his eyes dull and unfocused. "Now what happened to him?" she asked Arika.

The queen shrugged. "To be honest, I'm not quite sure myself. I mean, even around the time of his birth, being born out of wedlock wasn't such a big issue anymore!"

"Ah, yes, that sounds like a thing Sensei would needlessly worry ab-- Wait, what?!"

 

[OverMaster]

You Son of a…!

"What has happened to Sensei now?" Hakase asked upon arrival.

"He's just learned Arika-sama and his father never got married before having him. Or after," Chisame said, looking at Negi's very still form with concern.

"And the issue with that would be…?" Hakase asked next.

Chisame groaned. "You wouldn't understand!"

"It's a mere legal formality!" Satomi said. "It doesn't even impact on his status as a heir, Godel-san told Sakurako and me about it!"

"I believe I can snap him back to his senses," Arika said, and then smiled, crouching next to Negi. She caressed his face with her hands. "Oh, my poor darling, you are worried about your mother's honor, aren't you? Well, you always can rescue my reputation by marrying me yourself! That way, I'll finally get to be a proper bride…"

Negi blinked, sputtered, began whimpering, and finally limped back with steam pouring out of his wide open mouth.

Satomi and Chisame glared at the shocked Arika.

"Wh-What?!" the blonde said. "I only spoke in jest to cheer him up! I never could be that kind of person…!"

 

[OverMaster]

No Todos Fuimos Creados Iguales.

"Here you have, Roberta-san!" Natsumi said, presenting the towering maid with a gift wrapped box. "Some chocolates so you'll have a happy Cinco de Mayo!"

Roberta looked at her in a chilling silence for a moment, her eyes unreadable behind the large round opaque glasses. "That is a Mexican festivity," she said then. "I'm Colombian."

Natsumi blinked. "Oh! Oh, oh, I'm sorry! I should have asked Iinchou first...!"

Roberta snatched the box from her hands. "You don't need to bother. I'll overlook your cultural insensivity in return for these means of apology."

---

Siesta was carrying a large basket full of laundry, stopping by when she saw Roberta sitting on the lower steps of one of the stairs, eating chocolates from a box. "Another secret admirer?" she asked.

"Not exactly. I've just learned there are benefits to be had from political correction."

 

[OverMaster]

A Sweet Disposition.

"Kotaro-kun, look!" Negi said, walking in while holding a large bag up. "Iinchou gave me a whole package of fine biscuits again! Want to have some?"

Kotaro scoffed. "Really? Eating sweet things is for girls, Negi!"

Negi blinked, slowing down. "Oh! Ah, that's right… There's that quirk of traditional Japanese customs… Well, more for me! I hope you won't mind," he said, sitting down next to Kotaro, opening the bag, and starting to eat.

Kotaro watched him in silence, his eyes growing wider gradually.

Finally, Negi primly wiped his own mouth with a Chiu handkerchief. "They were delicious!" he said. He gave the bag to Kotaro. "Here, I left several for Fujiyoshi-san and Kobushi-san, nudge nudge, wink wink!"

"What's with that phrasing?!" Kotaro said. "Are you implying anything?!"

"No, nothing at all! Well, see you later!" Negi said, waving and walking away.

Kotaro frowned, waiting for several minutes before opening the bag and reaching inside.

---

"Why do you have so many crumbs around your mouth?" Harumi asked as she opened the door for him.

"I, I was eating bread, that's all!" Kotaro said, walking in. "What, can't a man even do that anymore?!"

 

[OverMaster]

Power and Responsibility.

"You know, I was thinking..." Chisame told Chizuru. "By combining the powers of our Pactios, we could locate every miscreant and butthole in the Internet being a flamer or a troll, get to them, and beat them up black and blue."

Chizuru stared quietly at her.

Chisame sighed and raised her hands. "Just a thought..."

"A lady shouldn't get her hands dirty that way, Chisame-san," Chizuru lectured her. "That kind of things is what we have Kotaro-kun for!"

Chisame replied nothing, but her opinion of Naba went up considerably that day.

 

[OverMaster]

The Secret of my Recipe.

"Oh, you're brewing tea! Let me have some!" Hitou Nami said, helping herself with a cup before Matoi could protest. "Mmmm, it's good! What kind of tea is it?"

Matoi sighed. "There's nothing special about it other than the water," she told her classmate. "It's full of the Deep Love that enrichens both the drink and my everyday life!"

"Why?" Nami inquired. "You'll have to be more specific than that."

"It's Chisame-sama's bath water."

Nami began choking with her third mouthful of the tea.

 

[OverMaster]

Kami Can't Communicate.

"Your father!" Evangeline growled. "Your wise, all knowing and all powerful father! If he's so noble and he can hear everything, why won't he answer the prayers of his creatures?! Why won't he ever deign talking to us?!"

"He is shy," Skuld said with a shrug of shoulders.

"Oh." Evangeline blinked slowly. "Oh. That... That makes some sense, I suppose..."

 

[OverMaster]

The People's Choice.

Madoka walked in with a distraught face on.

"Now what's wrong with you?" Chisame asked her.

"Haruhi-senpai just told me," Madoka said in a hollow voice. "With Fujino-senpai and Suzushiro-senpai graduating, we'll have to vote for a new Student Council president. She decided to run for the chair."

Chisame laughed. "That's it? Let her try! Who in their right mind would ever-- Oh my God. Right mind. Mahora!"

Madoka nodded. "We're doomed."

They hugged each other and began to weep.

Sakurako passed by them. "Oh, you heard about Haruhi-senpai already?"

 

[OverMaster]

To Each their Own.

"Your breasts, your breasts!" Asuna said, finally grow fed up and slapping a hand on the bath water. "Will you stop obsessing over your breasts?! It's not like mine are huge either!"

"No, but--!" Anya sniffed furiously. "They are perfectly shaped, and--!"

"You'll grow up! You still have a chance!" Asuna countered. "You know who has it bad? Me!"

"You?! Why?!"

"I'm already of the age, so this won't get any better, but--" Asuna grabbed Anya by the armpits, lifted her from the water, and began sobbing while eyeing the shorter girl's crotch. "You already have some hair, and I don't have any...!"

Asuna's sobbing turned into wailing.

Anya blinked and, after a moment of doubt, reached over and squeezed Asuna's shoulder sympathetically.

 

[OverMaster]

To Each her and her Own.

"So you're worried about having no hair down there!" Fuuka said, carelessly. "No big deal! Fumika and I don't have any either, and we're fine! That's not the mark of a woman's beauty, right, Fumika?"

Fumika looked guilty.

Fuuka frowned.

Asuna blinked at the more passive twin. "Fumika-chan...?"

"I'm sorry, Oneechan!" Fumika said. "But I grew two hairs last week!"

Fuuka's eyes glowed red. "You traitor...!"

Asuna grabbed her from behind right on time.

 

[OverMaster]

Good Guys shouldn't Enlist Demons, anyway.

"Zazie-san!" Negi said. "Thank you for joining us! I'm sure that you and your demon armies will be a great asset against Father's forces!"

"Actually, Sensei, only I will be going," Zazie said.

"Ah?" Negi said. "But, you are the princess of the demon realm!"

"By nature, demons are disobedient and disloyal, Sensei," Zazie told him. "Liars, too, so they'll just tell me that they've got prior commitments if I try summoning them. That's without going into how many of them only recognize Mephisto, Malebolgia or Neron as their ruler, instead of Mother."

"Chigusa could allow herself a demon army, and she was just a warmup boss!" Chisame protested.

"She paid them," Zazie said.

"And you couldn't?!" Chisame countered.

"... our finances are not what they used to be nowadays," Zazie admitted.

Negi facepalmed.

"I think I might be able to get Mara," Zazie pulled her cellphone out. "Hello, Mara? We were wondering if you could join us for the attack on the Mage of the Beginning next week... ah, is that so? No, that's okay, enjoy it..." She looked at Negi. "She says she's got a ski trip scheduled. Sorry..."

"Maybe we should spring Chigusa out and arrange something with her," Chisame sighed. "She still must have the connections, and some demon money still stashed somewhere."

 

[OverMaster]

Beauty and the Least.

"Why are you carrying a mirror around, Sensei?" Ayaka asked, seeing him enter the room with a large mirror in his hands.

"Hmmm? Oh, hey, girls," the boy looked up at his gathered students. "Rito-san just brought this from his latest journey, and he asked me to stash it somewhere while--"

In a hurry, the 3-A girls rushed him and snatched the mirror away. They leaned towards it eagerly, panting and wild eyed.

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall!" they shouted collectively. "Tell us who's the fairest of us all!"

Negi panicked. No matter the answer, all of them but one would be angry, and then everything would explode...! Literally...!

A large green face appeared on the mirror. It sneered.

"I am not anymore on the wall, since from it I was forcibly plucked," the face said with a deep contemptful voice. "Ookuchi Akira is the fairest of you all, now go get yourselves fu--"

"Thaaaaaat's enough, thanks!" Chisame said, slamming a hand on the mirror's mouth.

Akira blinked. "... me? Seriously?" she asked faintly.

The other girls looked at her.

For several moments, there was only silence.

Finally, Misa groaned. "Somehow, I don't think I can get upset over this..."

"It's a fair cop," Yuuna added.

Ayaka sighed. "I'll just have to keep on improving myself!"

"Phew, that was a close one!" Makie said. "Akira-chan is the only one of us we all can agree on...!"

"No, for real, why me?" Akira asked.

Then Fuuka gained a sharp glow in her right eye. "Awright," she said. "Who is the second fairest of us all, then?"

Moments later, the room exploded.

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally Blade Works 2wei!

"It can't be..." Negi said tensely, aiming his staff at the towering Servant, but keeping his eyes on the small figure by the Servant's side.

"Is that really..." Chisame began.

"Oh ho ho!" the tiny tanned girl with pink hair laughed. "That is correct, it's me! I see my fame precedes me! I am the true heiress of the Einzberns! I am here to dispose of the failed, treacherous Ilyasviel, and woe of you, should you stand in my way! For I am--!"

"Kuro!" Misa hiccuped in fear, hiding behind Sakurako and Madoka. "Kuro, Kuro, Kuroooo!"

"What?! No! My name is Chloe!" the little girl said.

Negi, Chisame, Chamo, Hakase, Madoka, Sakurako and Matoi all blinked.

"Chloe? But you hate being called Chloe!" Sakurako said at last.

"Eh?! Why would I hate being called by my proper name! You are calling me 'Black'! That's racist! If there's anything I can't stand, that's racists! Avenger, destroy these filthy Japanese and this smelly Brit!"

The huge snake woman next to Chloe didn't move.

"Avenger...?" Chloe frowned.

Avenger was too busy scowling at Rider, who scowled back while Ikari Shinji swallowed hard.

"I HATE YOU...!" both Medusas said suddenly, leaping at each other right before the Anna Lancer dropped on them from above to join the fray.

 

[OverMaster]

Unequally Flash: The Movie.

"Negi-sensei, I'll have to make myself absent through the next week," Mana reported. "I'll take a brief trip to America. I have been hired to protect people from actor Ezra Miller during filming."

Negi blinked. "You mean... that you are to protect actor Ezra Miller during filming, don't you?"

"I said what I said, Sensei..."

 

[OverMaster]

Heartwarming Nisekoi Crossovers.

---

Three Deadly Letters.

"Raku, we've got something very important to tell you," Chitoge said, standing before him with Kosaki and Marika.

"We, we are aware that we are saying this in what has to be one of the worst possible ways!" Onodera stuttered.

"Then talk," Raku said.

The girls looked at each other, and Marika gathered her breath. "We've been seeing another boy lately," she told him. "We've decided that we're in love with him, so we're going to leave you. Sorry; we wish you the best, and may you find a girl who truly loves you…"

Raku blinked helplessly. "It's Negi-sensei, isn't it?!" he said after a beat.

Chitoge scowled. "Eh?!"

Raku despaired. "It has to be! It's always him! Miyazaki-kun leaves Kotaro-kun for him! Saotome-kun leaves Rito for him! Naru-san leaves Urashima-senpai for him! All women are crazy for him! We've got no chance…!"

"I-Ichijou-kun!" Onodera said. "It's not him!"

Raku blinked again, now in sheer perplexity. "It isn't?"

"What? No! Gross!" Chitoge said. "Do you take us for pedophiles or something?!"

"It's Aijou Rentarou-sama," Marika said. "We've fallen in love at first sight with him."

Onodera and Chitoge shared a long sigh. "He's so dreamy…!"

Marika kept on talking, saying something about a rooftop and the new school Headmistress and who knows what else, but by this point Raku just stood there in silence, staring blankly. Marika apologized, kissed him on a cheek, and then she, Kosaki and Chitoge turned around and walked away.

Raku began smiling widely.

"What are you so happy about?" asked Ruri, who had been watching, standing aside with Shuu.

Raku pulled on the lapels of his jacket. "I didn't lose to a literal child!" he boasted.

Shuu facepalmed.

 

[OverMaster]

Umi Da!

"Well, we're here at last!" Chisame sighed, as the large group finally exited the bus and stepped towards the wide beach.

There were several moments of silence.

"Well?" Negi said.

"Well what?" Hakari asked.

The boys looked at the girls. "Well…" Rito began, "isn't this the moment where you all throw your arms up, and the most energetic of you even jump, and you say 'It's the sea…!'?"

"Maybe even preceded by a few 'Blue skies!' and 'White clouds!'" Itoshiki added, nodding.

The girls collectively stared at them.

"Rito-chan, they only do that in anime," (Saotome) Haruna said.

"I mean, look at all those people!" (Sairenji) Haruna added, gesturing towards the crowd in the beach. "We'd look ridiculous before them!"

"I liked to do that when I was seven years old," Makie said.

"Me too," Uruka nodded. Then she began moving towards the dressing rooms, with the other girls following her.

The boys just stared at them over several moments.

It ended with Nariyuki pulling a canteen out of his bag, opening it, and throwing the water inside on Ranma.

Ranma-chan sighed, put on a large smile, and jumped, tossing her arms up. "IT'S THE SEA…!"

 

[OverMaster]

Beach Buns.

Fujino Shizuru rested belly down on a towel, extending a sunblocker bottle towards Natsuki. "Natsuki…" she purred.

"Just a moment, Shizuru!" Natsuki said, and then went back to chatting with Mai and Tate.

Shizuru pouted, and then looked towards where Shirai Kuroko, in her habitual far too skimpy black bikini, stretched before entering the water.

"Shirai-san…!" Shizuru called out enticingly. "Would you like to rub oil on my back…?"

Kuroko stopped, blinked, and then glared at Shizuru. "President… Now that we're off the job, let's make one thing clear. I'm not comfortable around lesbians. I mean, I have no problem whatsoever with you or anyone while on duty, or even as friends, but I don't like it when women make moves on me."

"Ah?" Shizuru said. "But I thought that you--!"

"My feelings towards Oneesama are a completely different thing!" Kuroko swore, with a hand on her heart. "I'm Misakasexual, not homosexual! I just happen to love someone who happens to be a woman! A single, unique, specific wo—"

Shizuru was now showing her exposed back off while swinging her hips and purring in a perfect copy of Misaka Mikoto's voice, "Kuroko… Would you like to rub suntan on your Oneesama…?"

Kuroko's eyes lit up like traffic lights, and in a flash she was standing right next to Shizuru.

---

"I don't think," Kuroko said, still rubbing Shizuru's smooth back but starting to come back to her senses, "that you're making her jealous at all…"

Shizuru kept on looking at Natsuki, playing in the sea with Mai, while telling Kuroko in her Misaka voice, "You don't really have to worry about that, Kuroko-chan…"

Kuroko began drooling again as her fingers went into overdrive once more.

 

[OverMaster]

Take Me Out to Eat.

"I might be convinced to spare this planet," Galactus said, his booming voice extending over the landscape, "in exchange for the services of a herald."

"Please elaborate," Shirou asked, while Saber, stuck upside down in a hole in the ground, kicked her legs around wildly.

"I am in need of an emissary who should scout the depths of this universe, in my never ending quest for susteinance," Galactus said. "This person shall be charged with a portion of the Power Cosmic to do Galactus' bidding now and forever. They must be loyal, since I have been betrayed by the Silver Surfer, and Terrax, and Nova, and Firelord, and the Cyborg Superman, and the Silver Spooner, and Space Cabbie, and--"

"I'll offer myself for the sake of my HHHMMMPPH!" Negi began, before Chisame tightened her hands around his mouth.

A question mark appeared over Shirou's head. "Should I put the needs of many on Earth, my beloved home planet, over the needs of many all across the universe? What would Dad do in this situation?"

"He would mess it up, that's what!" Rin growled, grabbing Saber by the legs and starting to pull her up.

"Let me eat half of each planet and we've got a deal," Haraga Kurumi proposed.

"NO!" a loud manly voice said. "I will do it! For Akane-san's sake! So she lives on!"

Galactus looked down, deeply into Hibiki Ryoga's eyes, and saw sincerity there. "So be it!" he said, opening a huge hand towards the boy and bathing him with a beam of Power Cosmic. "SO SPEAKS GALACTUS!"

Nobody has ever seen Galactus and his herald since then, after they left Earth together. When Evangeline asked Dana, Dana just shrugged and said something about them probably being lost in another universe now.

So, if you've been wondering what happened to Anything that Moves, you have your answer now.

---

Akane blinked, sitting on the porch. "I wonder where's P-Chan? I haven't seen him in a while...!"

Ranma passed by behind her, whistling nervously and sweating only a bit.