OverMaster's Little Crummy Corner of Sub-Par Writing

[OverMaster]

Like a (Not) Fish Out of the Water.

Ookuchi Akira sat on the edge of the sea, watching intently into the waves.

Enoshima Junko approached her, wearing Daisy Dukes and a bikini top and eating a cone of ice cream. "Why aren't you swimming?" she asked Akira. "Look, Asahina is right there waving at you!"

Akira sighed. "In a moment. I'm just trying to see if there are dolphins anywhere near. I'd love to swim with dolphins! But they're so scarce lately!"

"Oh yeah, extinction and all that stuff," Junko said, finishing her cone. "Don't worry, I'm sure we'll see some fishies before long!"

Akira looked at her. "Do you think so?"

Junko grinned impishly. "Yeah! This beach is famous for the amount of dolphins that come here to die regularly! They stubbornly swim outta the sea and onto the shore, even when they are pushed back to the drink! It's one of the unexplained wonders of nature!"

And she licked her fingers clean.

Akira's face lost all color, and her eyes became large hollow pits.

Junko cooed and pinched her cheeks. "Oooohhhh! You're SO CUTE this way!"

 

[OverMaster]

The Simple Joys.

Jeanne Alter approached Jack, Nursery Rhyme and Jeanne Alter Lily. The three of them were standing on the edge of the sea, all wearing bathing suits in the fashion of the 1920s.

"What's wrong?" Alter huffed. "Why aren't you playing in the sea already?"

"The water's too cold, Guvnor!" Jack shuddered, dipping a toe in.

"We can't go in like that!" Nursery Rhyme complained.

"Oh, fuck's sake, we're Servants…!" Alter sighed, summoned her standard to her hand, and slammed its bottom into the sea. She sent some flame through it, which made the water boil briefly. "There…" she groaned then.

Jack dipped a toe in again and smiled widely. "It's perfect now!"

"Thank you so very much, Big Sister!" Lily laughed, as she and the other two ran into the sea to start splashing each other.

Alter made a vague smile to herself.

Jeanne approached her, giggling. "Oh, Alter! You do have a good heart after--!"

Without looking back, and with a casual flip of a wrist, Alter stuck the upper end of her standard into her older sister's mouth.

 

[OverMaster]

Romance of the Ancient Mariner.

Momioka Risa stood by the sea, smiling at the quiet waves.

Kotegawa Yui approached her, wearing an open white jacket over her red bikini. "Why are you doing here, all on your own?" Yui asked. "I saw Mio-san mingling with Lala-san and Yuuki-kun."

"I'm waiting for my online boyfriend," Risa said. "We agreed to meet here so we could spend the day together!"

Yui frowned. "You shouldn't do that, what if he's a dangerous person?" she chided Risa. "You don't even know him in person, do you?"

"He's responsible and famous!" Risa waved that off.

"Famous? That's even worse! Celebrities think they can get away with anything!" Yui gasped.

"This isn't just a teen star thinking he owns the world," Risa said patiently, "he's a mature gentleman..."

"An older man?! How indecent!" Yui blushed. "Is he coming for you in a boat, then?"

"Well, not exactly…"

The waters began bubbling and growling, making Yui step back in surprise.

"Ah, that's him!" Risa chuckled. Then a gigantic metallic object rose from the depths, making Yui shriek. It was the tip of some gigantic vehicle, a dark green behemoth mostly hidden under the surface. A small door opened on its hull, and from it stepped out a large, muscular blond man, with long hair and a handsome face. He wore form fitting green paints and a chainmail orange shirt. In a hand, he held a long trident.

"Arthur-kun…!" Risa cooed, running to the ship. The man smiled, helping her up. They kissed passionately for a moment, and then disappeared together inside of the ship, which promptly sank back under the waves.

Yui stood there, just watching in open mouthed silence, for several minutes.

Finally, without saying a single word, Yui turned around and walked back to the others.

 

[chiufan95]

Arthur

Click to shrink...

Welp, there goes his Justice League Membership. I see he also divorced Mera.

 

[OverMaster]

The Devil you Know.

"By the way, Uchiha-san," Ikari Yui mused, while they watched Sarada, Shinji, and the other children playing in the sea. "Where's your husband?"

"I'm not sure myself, I haven't seen him in like what, year and a half now?" Sakura said matter of factly. "Yeah, since he dropped for that Christmas weekend. I think he's been fighting the demon folk in Hokkaido, I'd have to call Batman to be sure. That guy has eyes everywhere..."

"Kiritsugu is fighting the Knight Templars in Germany, with some luck he'll be back before New Year," Irisviel shared. "Or else Illya-chan's going to kill him."

"I know I'm in half a mind to kill someone if he doesn't make it back by the time he promised, but I don't want to elaborate on that," Katsuragi Mari said quietly and blandly.

"At least your husbands are doing important stuff and have the excuse of being overseas, Saibai is literally a train trip apart in Neo Tokyo but we haven't seen him in months," Yuuki Ringo sighed. "All for what? All for a crappy manga, that's why..."

"Moooom!" Mikan called out from the sea. "You spend even longer away, just to sell dresses around...!"

"Keep your eyes on the waves, Mikan-chan!" Ringo shouted back, and then looked at the other women. "Hey, I'm trying to change! That's why I'm here!"

"I'm not going to say Takeshi's job is useless," Iori Ringo said, lounging back on her beach chair, "but all the same, he could start thinking a little bit less of Gunpla and a little more of us. How do you cope with that, Mamako-chan?"

Oosuki Mamako smiled beautifully. "Oh, I don't worry too much about my husband! Masato is perfectly able to cover him as the man of the house in his absence!"

The other women looked at her uneasily for several moments. Mamako didn't seem to notice it, and kept on smiling.

Sakura gave a sigh. "Anyway, Yui-chan, don't worry about Sarada and me, we're used to it. It's always been the same, and look at her, she's well adjusted enough!"

"Arguably, she's well adjusted because Sasuke-san is not around," said Irisviel, who could talk from the perspective of a similar case.

"Too true," Sakura was the first to agree.

"Ah, ha ha ha, I see...!" Yui said. She glanced at the ever silent and stoic Gendo sitting by her side, wrapped an arm around his, and tightened it.

 

[OverMaster]

Savior Complex.

"Madoka, I'm uneasy about you being in the open like this," Homura confessed, as they both sat on the sand. "There are so many supernatural factions that would like to get their hands on you..."

Saying this, she absently pressed Kyubey down into the ground, with the heel of her sandal.

Madoka gave a crystaline laugh. "Oh, Homura-chan! Don't be so much of a worrywart! I won't do anything to call attention upon myself..."

Then a colorful beach ball went flying past them and sank between the waves.

A very little boy in swimming trunks came by, bawling. "Waaaaahhhh! I lost my ball....!"

Madoka blinked. "Oh! Oh, don't worry!"

She lifted a hand, waved it, and the sea split, opening a wide dry corridor leading all the way to the ball.

The boy hiccuped happily, ran to the ball, picked it up, and ran back to the beach. "Thank you, Oneechan!" he waved at Madoka on his way back.

Madoka waved back, smiling. "No need to thank me!" Then she blinked at Homura's icy frown. "What?! What happens?!"

 

[OverMaster]

Nothing Matters.

You may think you have won, Kyubey said.

"I might think so, indeed," Homura said quietly, lounging on her chair while her sandaled feet rested on the Incubator's head, the only part of him protuding from the mound of sand. To passerbys, it only looked like she had her feet on said mound.

But I have seen reality for what it is, he continued. Like the Owlman said, it doesn't really matter. Nothing matters.

"Hmmmmm," Homura said, sucking her icy drink through the straw.

Entropy will never come, because this universe is doomed to never go anywhere, the small animal said. Our attempts have been in vain, but that only makes your own attempts to stop us worthless as well. You have suffered and fought for nothing, since this outcome would have presented itself regardless.

"I have what I want," Homura said plainly, seeing Madoka and Makie laugh while volleying a ball back and forth between them.

You are trapped here with the rest of us, in this stagnant cycle. It's not that unlike the Cosmo Entelecheia.

"Maybe," Homura reasoned indifferently. "it is a Cosmo Entelecheia of sorts."

... probably, Kyubey said, as if the idea, the possibility even, had not crossed his mind before.

Homura smiled. "Maybe I arranged for it."

Eh? Kyubey said, trying to move his head to look at her.

The feet were pressed down. "You'll never know."

Kyubey said nothing.

"If it doesn't really matter," Homura told him, "then it shouldn't bother you, should it?"

It is this stupid author's fault. He just cannot do long term narrative anymore...

 

[OverMaster]

Act your Age.

Chisame and Negi were talking as they walked along the sea.

"Negiiiii!" Anya said, skipping over to him. "Remember what we used to do whenever we'd go to the beach?"

And she smirked, holding a bucket and a hand shovel for him.

Chisame stopped and blinked. "How often did you get to go to the beach while giving in the hills of Wales?!"

"Twice," Negi said. He smiled at Anya. "Nice try, Anya, but I'm not falling for it anymore. We're both even older now than we were when you'd mock me for making sand castles."

Anya stiffened, and laughed. "Ahh ha ha ha! Y-Yeah, right! Ahh, we aren't that childish anymore, especially not me..."

She watched them walk away, reassuming their conversation.

---

"I'm feeling like I'm having an affair," Anya grumbled, sitting on the sand and making castles with a shirtless Kotaro.

He frowned at her choice of wide brimmed summer hat and large sunglasses. "I don't think that's gonna fool him if he passes by!"

 

[OverMaster]

Technically True, But...

"Oh, there you are, Kero-chan!" Nodoka walked to him, seeing him sitting on a towel along Chamo, Pinkie Pie, Luna, Artemis, Yoruichi in her cat form, and P-Chan. "What are you guys doing?"

"We're enjoying our nudist beach," Yoruichi said calmly.

Nodoka blushed, blinking heavily behind the bangs.

P-Chan blushed even harder, took his hooves to his crotch, and squealed "BWEEEEEEE!"

Kerberos made an uncomfortable sound. "Suddenly, I feel kind of dirty for some reason...!"

 

[OverMaster]

The Beast Master.

"Aaahhhhh!" Kirisu Mafuyu screamed. "A seagull just stole my top?!"

"What the--?!" Lucy Heartfilia shrieked as a flying blur passed by her. "A pelican stole mine, too?!"

"Waaaahhh!" Sakurame Kirie splashed on the water, only her upper half sticking out of the sea. "A fish came by and took my bottom away!"

"Damn those animals!" Tendo Akane hissed, covering her breasts with an arm while holding a long stick in her other hand. "How can they move so fast?! Where did they go?!"

"What in the the--?!" came the yell of Matoi Ryuko. "The fuck is this crab doing?!"

Way further down the beach, an impressed Mineta looked up with adoring eyes. "Wow, Rakan-sama...! I didn't know this was one of your skills...!"

The huge tanned man grinned, as the seagull landed on his large extended hand and gave him another bikini told held in its beak. "Jack Rakan's talents are too many to count, boy!"

 

[OverMaster]

Lelouch's Water(melon)loo.

Milly tightened the blindfold around Lelouch's eyes and grinned. "There! Now we've gotta spin you around...!"

"I'm not sure this is a really good idea," Kallen deadpanned while Milly giggled, spinning Lelouch's scrawny frame in place. "He's not physical enough for this...!"

"Oh, come on," Nina said. "He's just going to hit a watermelon, it's not like we're asking him to split a brick! What kind of Japanese beach tour can we have if we don't indulge into some Suikawari? It's the most noble of all Nippon summer traditions!"

"Thanks for confirming you're Unequally you," Rivalz said.

"I wouldn't even be in a Japanese beach otherwise," Nina said.

"Look at him, he's vomiting!" Kallen said, pointing at the violently puking prince. "And Milly only spun him twice!"

"I, I'm fine!" Lelouch said, puffing his squalid chest up with pride. "Of, of, of course I can do something as simple as this!"

Hefting the stick in his hands as best as he could, he began walking around, more or less heading in the direction of the watermelon set on the sand.

"Go, go, Lulu!" Shirley pumped a fist up. "You're so very close!"

Lelouch smiled, jerked his arms up to deal a downward blow, and...

... he actually connected a direct hit on the watermelon, with his very first try.

Then he shattered into so many tiny pieces, while the watermelon remained completely intact.

Shirley gave a shriek and fainted.

"I told you so!" Kallen said. "He's so frail!"

"What a bother," Milly sighed. "Hey, are there any Dragon Ball characters in this beach? Preferably ones with radars to find those magic ball things?"

 

[OverMaster]

Out in the Open.

Hitou Nami, Kitsu Chiri, Fujiyoshi Harumi, Kobushi Abiru and Okusa Manami all descended upon the beach, carrying a huge box together.

They finally set it down near the sea and sat on the sand to catch their breath back, heaving loudly and fanning themselves under the scorching sun.

"Thank you, girls," came a soft, shy voice from within the box. "Because of you, I finally can enjoy a beach!"

Nami sighed. "Think nothing of it, Kiri-chan..."

 

[OverMaster]

Day of the Daywalkers who Daily Walked during Day.

Chisame looked at them again.

Evangeline was lazily resting in the shallow water, basking under the sun.

Vera was applying oil on Mina's exposed, smooth back as the princess rested on her towel.

Shinobu sat nearby, watching with boredom at Arcueid and Marceline playing voleyball.

Hysterica/Francesca was forcefully flirting with a flustered Outer Moka, while Nanami stared at them in mute disapproval.

Yu Meiren lounged on a beach chair, stretching her arms up.

Seras Victoria sat on her tall lifeguard chair, wearing a red Baywatch one piece swimsuit and overlooking the beach sternly.

Chisame looked at the skin of her own arm, turned to Negi, and groaned, "This isn't fair! I have less endurance to sunlight than literally any vampire ever...!"

 

[OverMaster]

Swimwear Habits.

"Do you like it?" Kirino asked, turning around to show her skimpy green bikini off. "Aniki chose it for me!"

"Nice!" Yuuna said, also turning around in her tiny black bikini. "Dad picked this one!"

Ako spat her drink out. "Y-Your brother and your father did WHAT?!"

---

"... and I told her 'That's the last one you should ever buy'!" a despairing Kyosuke shared over the food stand's table. "I should have imagined what she was doing!"

"I feel you, Kosaka-kun," an ashen Akashi-sensei said. "Trust me, I can sympathize perfectly..."

 

[OverMaster]

Giga Slaves to our Circumstances.

Say it, commanded the voice in Lina Inverse's head.

"No," Lina said, sitting on the sand and gritting her teeth. "You could destroy the universe."

I will not do it, the voice said. Let me out.

"You're omnipotent, you can come on your own!" a frustrated Lina said.

Then I would indeed destroy the universe.

Lina sighed loudly, raised her arms, and chanted, "Darkness beyond blackest pitch. Deeper than the deepest night. Lord as vast as the largest ocean. Colder than the coldest ice. King of Darkness who shines like gold upon the Sea of Chaos. I call upon thee and swear myself to thee. I stand ready to bear the strength you give me. Let the fools who stand before me be destroyed. By the power you and I possess! GIGA SLAVE!"

There was a huge flash of golden light, startling and scaring the seagulls away, and from it, a tall, gorgeous woman with long golden hair, wearing a small golden bikini and holding a golden shovel in a hand, appeared before Lina.

She sat down next to the groaning redhead.

"Thanks for not destroying the universe..." Lina muttered.

"I told you so," L-Sama said. "I always honor my promises! When I feel like it."

Lina made a non-committing grunt.

L-Sama smiled. "Let us go look for boys...!"

"Oh, for the love of you!"

 

[OverMaster]

Justified Trope.

Medusa walked out of the dressers, completely naked except for her glasses.

Artoria, Mordred, Osakabehime, Caenis, Da Vinci, Mash, Jeanne, Jeanne Alter, Martha, Ushiwakamaru, Raikou and Corday all stared at her in shock. Medb only smiled cheekily.

"I can't help it," Medusa said calmly. "Grand Order hasn't given me a swimsuit yet."

Medb's smile grew.

"You could have used the one from Hollow Ataraxia!" Artoria shouted.

 

[OverMaster]

My HiME?

The beautiful, big breasted girl with short orange hair turned around when she heard vigorous steps on the sand behind her, and a voice yelling "Mai, Mai, MAI...!"

Before the busy girl could ask anything, the black haired girl in the dark blue onepiece tackled her, hugging her tightly and sending her on her back on the sand.

"Mai, let's play in the water!" the younger girl laughed, putting her head between her breasts. "Yukino's there, and Nao, and--!"

"Who, who are you?!" the other young woman gasped.

Minagi Mikoto paused and blinked. "Mai? You sound different..."

"My name's not Mai!"

Yet another girl approached them, asking "Mikoto-chan? What are you doing now?"

Mikoto and Miyazaki Chisaki looked at the newcomer, who was remarkably similar to Chisaki and even wore an identical lime green bikini.

Mikoto sniffed back and forth between them. "You even smell alike!"

Chisaki and Mai looked at each other. "So," Chisaki spoke after a moment. "Do we need to kill your father or mine?"

"My father is dead," Tokiha said calmly, "but he often was involved in Disturbing Routines..."

 

[OverMaster]

Like a Fish to the Water.

"Gray-samaaaaaa!" Juvia clung to his arm again, rubbing her chest up and down his biceps. "Do you like my new bikini?!"

He blushed and shook her off. "Oh, this again?! How many times do I have to tell you, Juvia?! Don't embarrass me in public!"

And he stomped off.

Negi had been watching from a respectful distance. But when he saw her eyes begin to water, he felt he was under the duty to approach her. And so he did. "Miss Juvia," he told her. "I don't want to intrude in your private matters..."

She turned her head to look at the boy.

"... But I think you shouldn't take that kind of treatment from Mister Gray," he said. "You deserve much better."

"No, I don't!" she hiccuped. "I--"

"Please let me finish," he asked delicately. "You are a wonderful person who has gone through a lot. Any past missteps of yours have long been repaid to society as a whole and your friends. You are much better than you think you are..."

Juvia blinked a few times.

Negi smiled. "You are a wonderful, brave and beautiful young lady and by now he has proved he has no patience for you. Maybe you should look for a more fitting partner elsewhere, and both would be happier."

"Y-Yes..." Juvia gulped. "P-Perhaps you are right..."

"Now," he lectured her, "this is only some friendly advice, and I'm not an expert on relationships myself. I'm just expressing my personal opinion, so maybe you should also ask for others' input. I think you might as well start with Miss Mirajane, or the Lady Mavis, or--"

She tightly clutched her hands around his. "You're so thoughtful...!"

He looked at her large, shiny eyes, and terror struck him.

---

"I'll say it before you can," Negi deadpanned when he saw Chisame returning with a hotdog in each hand. Juvia was hugging his arm, her placidly smiling head resting against his neck."I'm a complete idiot, a loud imbecile who doesn't know any better, a mess of a white knight who should only mind his own business....!"

 

[OverMaster]

Sleeping with the Fishes.

Harley emerged from the water, wearing flippers and a scuba mask and snorkel besides her black and red bikini.

"Did you enjoy your swim?" Akira asked her.

"I wasn't just swimmin', Mercs," the blonde said as she walked over to her large bag, set on the sand, and unzipped it. "I was fishing!"

"But... you aren't carrying a harpoon, and you didn't bring any fish either," Akira doubted. "How were you fishing then?"

"Dummy, that's the old boring way! I was planting explosive charges underwater!" Harley grinned, pulling a big detonator from the bag. "Now I only need to make 'em go boom, and dozens of fishies will pop up f'r me...!"

Akira yanked the detonator from her hands and headbutted her.

 

[OverMaster]

Mahou Sensei Negima! is the creation and intellectual property of Akamatsu Ken and Kodansha.

Batman is the creation of Bob Kane and Bill Finger and the intellectual property of DC Comics.

---

Mahou Sidekick Negima!

---

Chapter One of Five.

---

"You'll be wondering why I asked you all to stay after classes," Negi Springfield said, moving around to sit on the desk, his legs dangling off it.

"You want to give me a Pactio," Asakura Kazumi said. "Chisame is here because you know she likes to watch, and Iinchou is here because she'll snap if you do it behind her back, Granted, she'll snap anyway, but not quite as badly."

"Not funny, Asakura-san!" Yukihiro Ayaka growled.

"I like to watch, she says!" Hasegawa Chisame growled as well. "That crap wasn't funny even when Haruna was saying it!"

"Um, Chisame-sama, are you sure this is a joke?" Tsunetsuki Matoi said, pointing at the white ermine sitting on top of Negi's head. "He is here, after all..."

Ayaka and Chisame stopped staring at Kazumi, and turned those quiet, tense glares at Negi. The red-haired boy laughed awkwardly, putting a fist behind his head. "W-Well... I know I've asked too much from you lately, but..."

"That isn't it, Sensei!" Ayaka said in a hurry. "You know I'd do anything for you!"

"We know, and that's good!" Chamo piped in happily. "Because we're about to ask for even more from you..."

"Chamo! Not the way!" Negi said, from between clenched teeth.

Chisame sighed deeply. "Okay. Alright. Fine, even! This obviously has something to do with the Blue Mars Project, correct?"

"Correct," Negi said sheepishly.

"But Iinchou's family is already investing on it, and my family and Chisame's just aren't influential," Asakura pointed out. "So it's not about money."

Negi took a quite long breath in and closed his eyes. "I've been called to America, to spend three months organizing the American development wing of Blue Mars under a major financial sponsor. Naturally, during that time I'll be forced to take a leave of Class 3-A and the rest of my pupils."

Ayaka paled horribly. "Oh, no. Oh no no no no!" she began wringing her hands madly. "You're still too young! Surely, someone else can do that!"

"I-- Iinchou's right, what do you even know about dealing with millionaires!? You're way over your head!" Chisame gasped. "This is insane!"

"You're too naive to know this," Matoi said, folding her arms, "but when Western millionaires get their hands on cute young people... well, it's difficult to explain, but have you ever heard of one Ghislaine Maxwell?"

"P-Please don't even say that!" Ayaka panicked.

Somewhere else, new Headmistress Hanezono Hahari sneezed suddenly and violently, in the middle of going over the school's rebuild budget. Several question marks appeared over her head while she rubbed her nose.

"It's out of the question! Denied!" Chisame said vehemently.

"I know you may have forgotten this after looking after him for so long, Chisame, but you actually aren't his legal guardian," Asakura said in a calm tone. "You can't decide that."

"No, but Nekane-san can!" Chisame said. "And she won't approve it, either!"

Matoi nodded very firmly.

"A whole world may depend on it..." Negi said meekly.

"That world will have to find itself another way!" Ayaka said. "You aren't the only capable person out there, but you're our only beloved homeroom teacher we couldn't live without!"

"We only need to bring Collet, Lucy-san, Wendy-san, Maria-chan and Catalina-chan in some of those real-world bodies, and then Magicus can burn for all I care," Matoi said callously. "Serves them right for hounding us for months and then throwing scraps at us after we save their--"

Negi glared disapprovingly. "Matoi!"

Matoi sniffled and looked aside. "Fine! Let's throw in Tabitha, too!"

"Johnny-san deserves a chance as well, and Mary-sama is a person I can't help but like despite everything," Ayaka mused aloud.

"I can't believe you're being like this!" Negi said.

"We just cannot help being worried for you!" Ayaka shot back, sobbing loudly. "America is a decadent, terrible society where mass shooters, supervillains, spree killers and drugged Hollywood stars are always on the loose! For the love of Kami-sama, Cheryl Blossom lives there! Under no circumstance America could ever be a safe place for you, even if you have become an unbeatable lighting demigod, an Adonis of white light, a flawless fighting machine of sleek beauty and grace, a--!"

"Actually, that's part of why the Bro was going to ask you girls to come with him to America," Chamo said.

Asakura, Ayaka, Chisame and Matoi tensed up, springing in wide eyed shock.

A dream sequence began running in Ayaka's mind. It showed her and Negi as chibis boarding a colorful Negi-plane and taking off from Japan towards America, laughing and smiling while a sobbing chibi Misa, Misora, Haruna, Yue, Nodoka and Louise stayed behind in Japan. The sun smiled above it all in a very cartoony way, and little Negi cherubs ornated every corner of the scene.

"On the other hand, America is so romantic as a place to visit in the company of a, a, a good friend!" Ayaka began panting madly, squeezing Negi's hands. "Three months, you say?! I'd spend the rest of my life with you in America, if you wish me to, Negi-sensei! America is great! The land of the Free! O say can you see, by the dawn's early light..."

"Why... Why us, though?!" Chisame could say at last, her tone strangled. "I mean, Iinchou I get, she's got connections everywhere and her English is perfect, but me...?!"

"You're my advisor, Chisame," he told her without daring looking into her eyes. "But, if you want to stay, I'll understand..."

"I, I haven't said that, you idiot!" Chisame scrambled for words. "Why are you always putting words in my mouth?!"

"Advisor, riiiiight...!" Asakura grinned cheekily. Before Chisame could demand what did she mean with that now, the pineapple-haired asked Negi, "And me? Because I've got no special talents at all. Is this some kind of guilt over not taking me to Mundus Magicus? You also could invite Ku Fei then..."

"We might need your gifts there, Kazumi-san," Negi said humbly, "Especially since we know what your alternate universe counterpart's Artifact does. We're going to navigate through environments where data gathering and intelligence tactics are key for success. I'm not that naive... anymore. We'll reward you properly, naturally..."

"So you want to give me a Pactio!" Asakura beamed.

Negi blushed and nodded. "Mmmm-hmmmm. If you wish so..."

"I'm in!" Kazumi said, winking and giving a thumbs up.

"The others are going to be furious, though," Chisame said soberly. "Leaving them for three months, so soon after the vacation?"

"I'll be back for the end of the term," Negi promised very solemnly. "I wouldn't dream of making you lose the chance to graduate with your friends."

"Actually, I think I could live with that," Chisame said, shrugging her shoulders.

"I have to admit graduation wouldn't be the same without rubbing on Asuna-san's face how I scored much better grades than her," Ayaka pondered.

Matoi began counting with her fingers. "Wait, three months? But... How long has passed since--"

"I wouldn't think about that if I were you, Sis, that way madness lies," Chamo said, puffing on his cigarette. "Just smile and nod at the narrative conveniences!"

"Class 3-A will be in the best of hands during my absence," Negi added. "I've arranged with the Headmistress for a suitable replacement to be appointed. One who will be more than up to the task of teaching your classmates and keeping them under control until our return."

"Who is that?" Chisame asked.

"That would be me, actually. Good afternoon, Negi," Sextum Averruncus said very quietly, entering the classroom and making Chamo and Matoi wonder how long had she been just waiting right outside the door, waiting for her cue. "Yes, I foresee no problems handling your pupils, even if you have spoiled them so badly. For starters, I don't see any need to take these three away with y--"

"NO, WE ARE GOING WITH HIM!" Ayaka, Chisame and Kazumi screamed in terror, leaping back from her and hugging Negi for protection all at once. Negi only sighed stoically, his head smothered in between their breasts.

The poor guy.

 

[OverMaster]

The 100,000th Attempt of Itoshiki Nozomu.

Two little boys stood by close, staring at the pale, scrawny man. His butt clad in swimming trunks was sticking upwards, while his head was fully buried in the sand.

One of the boys turned to the other. "I thought that you were supposed to bury everything but the head?"

 

[OverMaster]

"There will be another participant in your party," Sextum informed the three students laconically. "A delegate from a Mundus Magicus country, sent to represent the collective interests of the assembled nations."

Negi nodded. "Yes. The inheritor to the throne of a prestigious state, well known for its adhesion to the global principles of justice and the enforcement of freedom everywhere."

"Where was this noble and righteous country while we fought to save their noble and righteous butts?" Chisame asked in a dry tone.

"We made sure to wipe them out first because they were enough of a threat, plus we wanted to spare them as much of the terror as possible," Sextum answered.

"You surely felt a connection with them, being so noble and righteous yourself," Chisame said, nodding.

"Yes," Sextum said. She paused. "Was that intended to be sarcasm?"

Ayaka rasped loudly to avert an incoming disaster. "And exactly who is this person, Sextum-san? Theodora-himesama, isn't that right?"

"No, that was discussed, but her appearance would be too difficult to disguise in public," Negi informed. "And she refused to shave her horns off."

"I offered to simply rip them off, it would be a quick and relatively painless process, but for some reason she refused," Sextum said. "I suppose her heart is not really on the mission, after all."

"Oh God, don't tell me it's Azula-himesama!" Ayaka paled, taking a hand to her own mouth.

"We did say it was a noble and righteous country, didn't we?" Sextum asked. "The Fire Nation has never fallen under that manner of description."

"Not even by your standards?" Chisame said.

"I will ignore your continued attempts to provoke me only this once..." Sextum warned.

"That dragon princess girl who looks like Emilia Clarke, then?" Matoi asked. "I'm not sure that'd be wise either."

"She's right outside right now, why don't you see her yourselves instead of keeping on wasting our time with this pointless charade?" Sextum shot back. She looked towards the classroom's door. "You can come in now. You should have entered with me, actually."

Asakura sighed, smiling and shaking her head. "She! Of course it'd be a girl..."

"Please come outside!" said a young, perky voice, coming not from the hall but from outside the window. Even Sextum had to blink in mild surprise. "I, I'd rather introduce myself in the open...!"

Sextum frowned, clearly annoyed. "What is the point of that? This is no game! You'll make a bad first impression on Neg- Prince Springfield!"

Negi winced. "Please don't call me that...!"

"Please, please!" the cute voice begged. "Humor me on this, Lady Sextum! This is a tradition of our royal house...!"

"Wealthy people, huh?" Kazumi gave a small huff.

"No doubt you think you're teasing me with that," Ayaka said soberly, "but I know those circles far better than you do. You have no idea how truly correct you are."

"I should have expected for this after talking with her father," Sextum monotoned, starting to walk outside. "Come with me, Negi. I'm actually sorry you'll have to put up with this kind of person for months."

They all came out to the front yard and looked around. There was nobody anywhere in sight. "Did... Did she just ditch us?" Chisame wondered.

"Maybe she was kidnapped?" Asakura frowned. "But they reinforced the security measures!"

"This person, despite her quirks, can take good care of herself," Sextum began. "Most likely, she is-"

"Up here...!" the happy voice came from above.

Everyone looked upwards, squinting at a figure standing on top of a very tall tree, posing against the sun, a cape flapping in the wind around their shoulders. The angle and lightning made impossible to make the facial features of the individual out, but they were short in stature, probably not that much taller than Nodoka or Murakami.

"Greetings, son of the Thousand Master, and savior of Mundus Magicus! Greetings, heroic companions from the Ala Alba!" the stranger shouted, extending an arm ahead. "My deepest apologies for failing to fight by your side! Please accept this as my way to atone! I'm an ally of Love and Justice, in a brand new body gifted to me to make my amends! The never ending battle for the wellbeing of everyone is only starting! Together, we will tackle this and succeed, so all children everywhere keep on smiling!"

"What the freaking fu-" Kazumi said faintly.

The mysterious figure grinned, slamming fists on their hips, and flashing a beautiful set of white teeth. "The Princess of Seyruun extends her friendship towards you, my fine warriors! Let us shake hands...!"

They leaped up, up, opening their arms and then starting to spin downwards, quickly, readying up for a graceful, impressive landing on their feet-

- but only landing facefirst on the pavement with a loud thud.

"GAHHHH!" Negi screamed, while Chamo, Chisame, Ayaka and Kazumi pulled several steps back, greatly startled. Sextum only grumbled. "Oh my God! Her neck!"

The short girl in white trembled a few times, then peeled herself back up, bleeding all over her cute face and smiling regardless. "It's alright! Sorry, I'm just having a few problems with this body! It feels a bit heavier than my real one, but I'm sure I'll master it before long... Pleased to meet you, I'm Princess Amelia Will Tesla Seyruun from the Royal House of Seyruun and I don't feel so good..." she hiccuped, dropping onto Negi just as he pulled one of his Pactio cards out and yelled a name.

"KONOKA-SAAAAAAAAAN!"

 

[OverMaster]

High Stakes.

"What are you doing, Gilgamesh?" Kirei asked, walking to the blond man writing on his desk.

"The other day, I was reading a quite interesting book in the library, priest," the golden king said. "Its author made a good case for all modern stories, every hero's journey, the entirety of adventure fiction... the whole of it, being inspired by the Epic of Gilgamesh."

"I see. So you mean..."

"Yes," he said, still not looking back at him. "I'm going to sue every entertainment company in the world over my intellectual rights!"

Kirei hummed, nodded, and walked away.

You can say many things about him, but never that he lacks ambitions, he thought.

 

[OverMaster]

"There you go!" Konoe Konoka said, stepping back from the short haired girl. "Do you feel okay now?"

The girl blinked, stood up, and ran a hand down her face, smiling brightly. "Yes! Thank you so very much! You're much better with healing magic than me! You must be the fabled daughter of Konoe Eishun, the great hero of the blade!"

Konoka also blinked and blushed a bit, putting a hand on her own cheek. "Oh, you're so kind! And you would be...?"

Negi sighed, relieved. "Thanks a lot, Konoka. This is Amelia Hime-sama, princess of Seyruun. Hhm, I hope I didn't pull you away from anything important."

"No, just a meeting of the fortune telling club," Konoka said, waving a hand. "No big deal, everyone there knows about magic by now! A princess, then? To what do we owe this honor?"

"Negi-sensei will be taking me with him to America for three months on important world saving business, and Amelia Hime-sama will be accompanying us in a capacity of official observer!" Ayaka was quick to boast. "Please give the news to Asuna-san, will you, Konoka-san?"

Konoka's eyes shrank to the size of diminutive black dots. "Eeeeehhhhh?!"

"Hey, Iinchou," Kazumi said. "Chisame and I will be coming along as well, remember?"

"And me," Matoi said quietly.

"Has he invited you specifically, as well?" Sextum asked.

"There's no way to pull Chisame and Matoi-san apart from each other," Negi said. "Even Mundus Magicus failed at the task."

"Too true!" Matoi cooed, hugging Chisame's arm. The younger girl only moaned stoically.

"No, no, n-no, wait!" Konoka waved her hands. "America?!"

"Well, yes, Sensei will be needed there for the purposes of organizing the Blue Mars Project, but he can't go alone," Asakura told her. "Chisame is the advisor, Iinchou is the one with contacts, and I'm supplying the intel. Sensei himself will be the muscle if anything ever goes wrong, naturally."

"Oh my! Misa, Misora and the Vice Prez will be angry!" Konoka said.

"It'll be only three months, they'll be over before you realize it!" Ayaka said. "It's not like America is filled with nothing but random shooters, supervillains and spree killers! Overall it's much safer than Mundus Magicus!"

"What part of America are we going to live in, anyway?" Chisame asked, with a sense of dread sinking in.

"Gotham City," Negi said.

Chisame, Matoi, Konoka, Asakura and Ayaka all froze in situ.

"Yes, the home of the famous Batman!" Amelia gushed, apparently oblivious to the terror painted on the faces of her age peers. "That's part of why I asked being given this assignment! The Nocturnal Knight, hero of a million resources, no doubt we'll run into him at some point! Maybe we'll even run into Superman since they are friends and-!"

"No, no, no, why Gotham?!" Ayaka cried. "It's filled with nothing but random shooters, supervillains and spree killers!"

"Because that's where Bruce Wayne lives, Ayaka," Negi said, ever patient. "It was him who extended me an invitation to live in his manor for that time, helping me navigate through the negotiations in America."

"Bruce Wayne!" Kazumi said, regaining her enthusiasm. "America's second most wanted millionaire bachelor!"

"You aren't thinking of-" Chamo began.

"Of course not, I'm just thinking about interviews!" Asakura interrupted him. "Getting Bruce Wayne to talk about his personal life? That's the kind of achievement that can forge a great journalistic career! Oh, Negi-kun! How can I ever thank you...?"

Chamo chuckled perversely, with a glint in his eye. "Oh, I can think of a few ways...!"

"Shut up," Chisame told him, curtly. "Just... shut up, alright? By the way, Konoe, sorry to tell you, but she'll be teaching Homeroom and English while we're away making sure Sensei isn't killed by Polka-Dot Man or someone like that."

Konoka blinked, followed Chisame's pointing finger to the poker faced Sextum, and made a dubious expression. "Are you even actually qualified to teach? I mean, like with a diploma and everything?"

There was a long, uncomfortable silence from all parts involved.

"Maybe," Sextum offered then, "I should leave with Negi and you all should stay to be schooled by Itoshiki Nozomu or-"

"We're fine! Really! Fine the way we are, thanks!" Kazumi tossed her hands up. "Hey, Chamo-kun, what about starting that Pactio right now, huh?!"

 

[OverMaster]

If Looks could Kill.

"Oniichan!" Illya said, seeing Shirou come back from the volleyball courts. "You're all tanned already?!"

Shirou laughed, his exposed torso, face and limbs bronzed all over. "Well, yeah, I tan easily enough..."

Rin squinted at him. "That way, you remind me of someone..."

Illya hummed and nodded. "Yeah, that's right. I have it at the tip of my tongue..."

"If only he bleached his hair white..." Rin estimated.

"Or silver..." Illya added.

"Hmmmm," Rin said, thinking.

"Hmmmmm!" Illya said, thinking.

Shirou blinked. "Do you really think so?"

Rin snapped her fingers. "That's it! How couldn't I see it before? You'd look like Jack Rakan, but much shorter, much younger, and much less muscular!"

"Seriously? I don't see it," Illya said. "I was thinking of a much taller, much more muscular, and male Zazie Rainyday."

Standing several steps behind them, Archer facefaulted into the sand.

 

[OverMaster]

Size doesn't Matter, Speed Does.

"Wow, Misora," Haruna said. "Are you sure that's the bikini for an apprentice nun...?"

Misora stared at her. "Are you of all people seriously asking me that?" she said, pointing at Paru's own rather risque two piece.

"Let me finish," Haruna asked. "Are you sure that's the bikini for an apprentice nun with breasts and a butt as small as yours?"

---

"Whoa, so this is what fifty hundred punches at super speed do to a face," Konoka marveled while starting to heal Haruna.

"Yyyhhhuhhh luff un luwwwn smmmthhh nwww uhv'ryyy dwy!" Haruna said through the swollen mass of flesh.

Negi turned to Ayaka. "What did she say?"

"You live and learn something new every day," Ayaka said, using her Iinchou translation powers. Then she glared at Juvia, who was still smiling dreamily, hugging Negi's opposite arm. "And now I'm almost tempted to recruit Kasuga-san's services, myself!"

 

[OverMaster]

Days of the Future Maybe Yet to Come.

The bald man in the wheelchair smiled. "Well, your results are out already," he told the assembled Class 3-A and Negi. We triple checked each, and none of you has the Gen X. Well, it's been a pleasure. Sorry we cannot stay and talk any longer for now, but we've got to inform the rest of the classes as well. In the event you have any questions, please contact us through Headmistress Hanezono after hours."

He then disappeared down the hallway, his chair pushed by a gorgeous long haired redhead, and Hahari following them discreetly.

"... that was disappointing!" Makie whined then.

Chisame blinked. "What?!"

"I thought odds were at least one of us was a mutant!" Makie said. "That would've been cool!"

Chisame pointed at Asuna. "Martian Princess!" At Akira. "Reincarnation of Mercury Princess!" At Zazie. "Demon!" At Mana. "Half demon!" At Saber. "King Arthur!" At Evangeline. "Vampire!" At Haruna. "A Saotome!" At Chachamaru. "Robot!" At Skuld. "Goddess!" At Karin. "Judas Iscariot!" At Setsuna. "Crow demon! How in the name of God do we need a mutant on top of everything, so we're attacked by giant killer robots once a month...!"

Makie rolled her eyes around. "You find ways to make everything sound terrible!"

Haruna chuckled softly. "A Saotome! Good one, Chi-chan..."

 

[OverMaster]

Sextum had excused herself away, with as much of a frown as she could muster, and now Chamo was drawing the magic circle at the middle of the boulevard, singing to himself happily as he moved the piece of chalk in his paw with great skill.

Amelia looked in all directions. "Are you sure you want to do this in the open?" she asked.

"Pretty much everyone in Mahora knows about magic already," Chisame said apathetically. She pointed at Negi. "This guy's fault."

"I see," Amelia said. "And yet, you escaped the punishment reserved for those infractors, Professor! I can't approve of your methods, but I admire your resourcefulness!"

"Most of that was due to us saving his butt one way or another," Chisame confided her.

Ayaka scowled. "Chisame-san! Don't you start diminishing Sensei's merits now!"

"No man is a hero to his valet," Kazumi sentenced.

"What is that supposed to say about me?!" Chisame growled.

"Ready!" the ermine said, moving back from the now glowing circle. "If you do it quick enough, Kazumi-sis, it'll still have juice for a Pactio with the Princess too!"

"Mr. Chamo, I can't submit myself to any Magister or Magistra that easily!" Amelia chided him. "Besides, I'd turn into the Magistra, I assume..."

Negi sighed. "That wouldn't be possible, I already have a Magistra, and that Pactio makes it impossible for anyone else to function that way in a magical contract with me. Asakura-san, if you're ready..." he added, walking onto the circle.

"Just call me Kazumi already!" the girl said, stepping in as well, so they stood before each other. "I was born ready!"

"That's good to hear," Negi said evenly, and then pushed himself up on the tip of his feet. In return, Kazumi lowered herself a bit so their lips came close, although she noticed that she didn't have to go as low as she'd thought previously. Clearly, he had grown a fair bit during the vacation.

Either way, she didn't think much of it, and she didn't hesitate before pressing her lips on Negi's.

"NNNNNGHHHHHH!" Ayaka said, biting deeply into her own thumb.

"I thought you'd be used to this by now, Iinchou?" Konoka asked affably.

"It never gets much easier," Matoi said, looking at Chisame's slightly frowning face, her eyes unreadable under the now rather opaque glasses.

Negi shuddered, feeling Kazumi deepen the kiss while the light jumping from the drawing burned around them, punctuated by Albert's cackling. Her kiss was much like Haruna's, less intense and ravaging, but just as thick and wet in texture. He shivered further, feeling her tongue sneaking into his mouth and rubbing against his, and he wondered if he'd been wrong in his estimations about her feelings towards him. But before the troubling thoughts could go further, he heard Chamo's shout of "READYYY!", and then the young woman pulled back from him, smiling thriumphally.

The card appeared spinning in the air, and Konoka moved ahead swiftly to intercept it in her open hand. "Congratulations, Kazumi-chan," she said gently, giving it to her classmate, and Asakura smirked and nodded her thanks.

Then she looked at the card, which had her image, wearing an open dark blue jacket over her uniform, and with a small white drone floating by her side. Under her and her name, the title Reportatrix Denudans. "Ohhh, this sounds kind of kinky!" she said.

"Don't push your luck," Ayaka warned her laconically.

Asakura showed the card to Negi. "Sensei, is this was you were expecting for?"

Negi took a look at it and nodded. "Yes, it's much like that of the other Kazumi-san. So it should work the same way, as well. Thank you, Kazumi-san. It's getting late, so we'd better go back home, and I'll start teaching you about the functions of your Artifact tomorrow..."

"Where are you staying, Hime-sama?" Konoka asked Amelia.

"Oh, just call me Amelia!" Amelia laughed, slapping Konoka in an easygoing way on a shoulder, making the other girl wince in mild pain. It seemed that she didn't know her true strenght. "Don't worry about me, I'm staying with Professor Touko until it's time to board the big metal whaleship to America!"

"Here we call them airplanes," Ayaka said.

"What a strange name for a whaleship!" Amelia marveled.

"And what about the girls? When are we telling them about this?" Konoka asked.

"Um, well, yeah. You tell Kagurazaka and Sakurazaki, okay?" Chisame said. "I'll tell Satomi, and she'll tell Shiina, who in turn will tell the other two cheerleaders, and they'll tell everyone else, so they'll handle it while the rest of us hide in Eva's resort until it's time to fly to America, okay? They'll do our job for us while we hide from the shockwaves until we're in another continent! A flawless plan!"

"Your poor fool," Ayaka said glacially. "Do you really think we'll be any safer with Evangeline-san?"

"Crap. Fair point," Chisame gulped.

Amelia blinked. "I don't get it. They're your friends, aren't they? Why are you acting as if you were afraid of them?"

"We aren't afraid. We are terrified!" Chisame made it clear.

Amelia laughed. "Come on! The power of true friendship is a beautiful, loving miracle! There is no reason to fear any of your... frie-"

A mental image of Lina Inverse appeared above Amelia, and she trembled in sudden fright, sobbing a bit. "Never mind...! I understand completely! I shouldn't have been so judgemental...!"

Matoi blinked at her. "You are a very strange girl."

 

[OverMaster]

The Second Fall of Camelot.

Artoria raced to Negi, Chisame and Juvia.

She slammed her hands down on Negi's shoulders. "I need to recruit a new army of skilled warriors! Quickly!"

"Eh?!" Negi said. "What is going on?!"

"My kingdom, my kingdom, my kingdom!" Artoria began rattling Negi back and forth while Chisame and Juvia gasped. "He's stealing my kingdom again...!"

Further down the beach, standing by the hot dog stand, Shirou and the heavily tanned Mordred blinked, perplexed.

"What was all of that about?" Emiya asked at last.

"Beats me," Mordred said. "We only were talking about the football game, after all...!"

 

[chiufan95]

Is that a King Arthur and the Knights of Justice reference?