[RWBY] RWBY Shorts

[Eclipse Staro]

Got to write this finally.

Greed


Free

Gr. Jaune buying a lot of butter, like a trolley full of them.

Gr. Jaune: So, where's the free stuff?

Cashier: What free stuff?

Gr. Jaune: Didn't it say free here? *Shows a label.*

Cashier: Sir, it's fat free. Meaning it doesn't contain animal or vegetable fat.

Gr. Jaune: Damn misleading label!


Wick

Team RWBY having fun in the city when Ruby suddenly points at something.

Ruby: Girls, look! *Point at an ad that shows the name 'Jaune Wick' featuring Jaune surrounded by guns.*

Yang: Vomit Boy in a movie?

Weiss: Can't be that good if the idiot the ones that plays it.

Yang: Alright, bet.

One movie later.

Ruby: That. Was. Awesome!

Weiss: Ok, it was fine, I guess.

Yang: Don't lie Ice Queen, I saw your grin.

Blake: Can't believe Zwei got a role.

JNPR Room

Ren: It's a story about a legendary assassin named Jaune Wick who retired from his violent career after marrying the love of his life. Her sudden death leaves Jaune in deep mourning. When sadistic mobster Cardin Winchester and his thugs steal Jaune's prized car and kill the puppy that was a last gift from his wife, Jaune unleashes the remorseless killing machine within and seeks vengeance.

Nora: I like the Baba Yaga part.

Gr. Jaune: Lust can write all the stories he wants, I'm making movies!

The movie became a hit across Remnant. Zwei was nominated as the best dog actor. Remnant lack of badass people with no Aura made the movie popular among civilians.


Value (Modified from LordofBones on Hot Pieces of RWBY, page 24)

Pyrrha is being pushed into marriage negotiations by her mother with some rich asshole. She needs an out and decides to get help from Jaune.

Gr. Jaune, with Ren's help, explains the situation in a cost/benefit analysis.

Gr. Jaune: Now, imagine if this theoretical rich old man were to slap Pyrrha's ass in public. The ramifications would be immense! Ren, care to explain?

Ren: *clicking an abacus with one hand and a calculator in the other* We'd be looking at an increase of 16.8% in overall negativity from accumulated public perception, without counting huntsmen morale and overall effectiveness with the loss of a strong and famous Huntress.

Pyrrha: *shrieks when Jaune's palm crashes down on her ass and gives her reddened cheek a long, lingering squeeze* J-Jaune.

Gr. Jaune: Now, what happens when I do it?

Ren: Hmm...add the attraction factor, multiply it by the teenager and young adult quotient...that's a 20.9% increase in overall positivity, with a 43.6% increase in the 16-25 age group.


Booty

Jaune wearing bunny ears and went to White Fang base led by Adam. Adam was giving a speech but got interrupted by Gr. Jaune.

Gr. Jaune: Aren't we here for the Bellabooty. I see no Bellabooty here.

Random WF Mook: Yeah!

Gr. Jaune: It's no fun when there's no Bellabooty.

Random WF Mook: Yeah!

Gr. Jaune: Let me introduce you to an app called Bell. For a small subscription of 4.99 lien per month, you can get 50 pictures of Belladonna Booty every month.

Adam: ...Do you take card?

So what if the White Fang was formed not because of Faunus wants equality, but because they want Bellabooty. They join White Fang because Kali was there.

"Mweheheheheh! Money! So much money! Mwehehehehe!"

Click to shrink...

Honestly want to add this to Greed but lack idea how.

 

[SharkCultist]

-Ren and Nora did a few robberies with Roman in Mistral when they were younger to get the money to go to Beacon. Now they reunite and things are... Awkward.

Click to shrink...

*Ren sees neo and gets a trauma flashback*

Ren: we need to leave. NOW.

Jaune: there's four of us here, I'm sure we can take her in a fight.

Ren: it's not a fight I'm worried about.

Jaune: huh?

Ren: Notice how Nora has already run away?

Jaune: oh that's not good.

Ren: Neo is the single thirstiest person on remnant. She mentally scarred us both by telling us what she'd do to us during the wedding.

Jaune: how old were you all when this happened?

Ren: about 9.

Jaune: that's disturbing.

*Neo is suddenly beside them and clipping a collar on Ren while holding a sign that says "I was grooming the groom." *

Ren: No! Jaune save me!

*Unfortunately Jaune has already been knocked out by neo and is laying on the ground in the yamcha defeat pose*

Ren: damn you and your noodle limbs. *Sigh* well I have until she catches Nora to plan my escape or kill myself.

Pyrrha: I'm sorry.

*Guiltily trading a bound and gagged Nora for Jaune*

Ren: you apologetic bitch.

*Ren and Nora are dragged into the darkness by neo and will not be seen again for six months*

 

[AndrewJTalon]

It's a shame more isn't done with Lisa Lavender. A cutthroat reporter out for views could be very entertaining as a story concept.

- - -

Jaune: "... Is that Lisa Lavender in a school uniform?"

Ren: "Looks like."

Jaune: "And... No one's stopping her?"

Lisa: "Hello, fellow students! Are you Jaune Arc and Lie Ren?"

Jaune: "... We are."

Lisa: "Can I have a moment of your time? Just to confirm some rumors?"

Jaune: "... We know it's you, Ms. Lavender."

Lisa: "Wha-But-My disguise is perfect!"

Jaune: "I mean it's very... Um... Sexy, but that's also the problem since you're clearly not a teenager."

Somewhere, Cinder sneezes.

Lisa: "Oh come on! Look... I need a case. A story. I'm desperate here! I'll even let you touch my boobs?"

Jaune: "N-No thanks! I mean, it's-Uh, No!"

Lisa: "Oh? Are you sure~?"

Jaune: "Ren?"

Ren has escaped

Jaune: "Traitor."

Lisa: "Sooo... You're the leader of Team JNPR, with Pyrrha Nikos on it. How is that going for you?"

Jaune: "Fine, thank you."

Lisa: "Are you and Pyrrha romantically involved?"

Jaune: "Wha-No! Of course not! We're just friends!"

Lisa: "Are you sure? She's definitely hugging on you a lot in some of these photos!"

Jaune: "She's holding me up after training!"

Lisa: "All right, what about you and local bad girl, Yang Xiao-Long?"

Jaune: "Also friends!"

Lisa: "Her little sister Ruby Rose?"

Jaune: "FRIENDS!"

After several minutes of this nonsense...

Lisa: "And your father and Isabel Arc?"

Jaune: "Happily married!"

Lisa: "Okay, that's all I need! Thanks Jaune!"

Jaune: "Phew... Finally. It's all over."

Later that night, as Jaune and his friends are relaxing in the common room, the news starts on the holoscreen.

Lisa: "Lisa Lavender of VNN! Our top story: Is Beacon Academy a hotspot of teenaged debauchery? Excerpts from a student reveal he is in a polyamorous relationship with his team, another team, and a boy on his own team!"

Jaune: "... Fuuuuuuuuuck!"

 

[The Sleepless One]

Finishing off The Taste of His Own Boots.

---

Cowboys of Remnant: The Taste of His Own Boots (Part 2)

Jaune left the Induction Ceremony held in Beacon's Auditorium in a daze. Sure, he knew he could hold his own out in the field; he'd spent years fighting Grimm during cattle drives after all. But being made leader of the newly formed Team JNPR? That was a bolt out of the blue. His new teammates were pretty swell though, and he wanted to do right by them. Miss Nikos especially. The redhead had been nothing but kind and supportive since he'd met her and he intended to return the gesture by being the best leader he could be.

Now, he just needed to figure out how to be a leader at all...

"Congratulations on making leader, Jaune!" A bright voice chirped from beside him, breaking him out of his musings. Ruby Rose, one of the most adorable people he'd ever met, beamed up at him, silver eyes shining, the rest of Team RWBY (and wasn't that a confusing name) behind her.

"Thankee kindly, Miss Rose." Jaune replied, tipping his hat to her with a smile. "And the same to you as well." He took the opportunity to glance over the little red reaper's teammates.

He'd encountered the rest of the ladies who made up Team RWBY briefly in the Emerald Forest before they'd been set upon by two Elder Grimm, and only learned their names afterwards, during the announcement of the formation of their team.

Blake Belladonna was a dark-haired beauty whose presence put him on edge. Her piercing amber eyes always seemed a bit too knowing when they met his own. She clearly harbored some secrets, going off of the cat ears her giant bow covered up, but that wasn't any of his business.

Yang Xiao Long was Dangerous, with a capital D. The woman oozed confidence and sexuality and made it incredibly hard, er, difficult to stay focused when she was around. She clearly knew it too, going off of her smug smile as she struck a pose with one hand on her cocked hips. That woman might actually be the death of him.

And then there was Weiss Schnee, the ethereal angel he had insulted that morning. She clearly still bore a grudge, judging from her glare and a pang of shame struck Jaune's heart upon seeing the expression. He wished he could make it up to her somehow...

Wait, I'm being stupid again! He realized. Ma always said that an apology goes a long way towards makin' things right.

Jaune cleared his throat, mustering the will to calm his nerves. "Uh. Miss Schnee? May I have a moment of your time, please?"

The fury on the Schnee Heiress's face intensified and her face reddened like she was about to explode.

"Weeeeiiiiss," Ruby whined. "You said you'd be nicer!"

The dust specialist took a deep-breath and held it for concerningly long time before letting it go. "... Fine. You have it." She stepped away from her teammates, gesturing for him to follow her to a secluded corner of the courtyard.

"What do you want?" Weiss asked once they were out of earshot, still glaring.

Jaune took his hat off of his head, holding it against his chest, his eyes pointed to the ground. "I wished to apologize, Miss Schnee; I was extremely rude to you when we first met. A lady should be treated with respect, and I failed to do so. I hope we can get along while we attend this fine institution."

There was a pause, and the cowboy's nerves started acting up. He cleared his throat. "I uh... I realize my background makes me a bit... rough. So please forgive my lack of social graces, as I try to improve."

The silence continued and Jaune was getting downright flustered. He stammered as he tried to tell the truth of the situation. "I-I, well, I just got a bit overwhelmed. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and… well, I acted a fool. I'm sorry, Miss Schnee. I'd understand if you never wanted to talk to me ever again."

He coughed when it seemed that the Heiress wasn't going to break the silence. "Well, that's all I had to say, Miss Schnee." He snuck a glance up at the girl's face, and had to pause upon seeing how red her face had become.

Aw Hell, Jaune despaired. She's gonna explode again.

But, the expected outburst did not materialize. Instead, Weiss took a deep breath and let out an immense sigh, her sharp eyes zeroing in on his.

"Mr…. Arc, was it?" She intoned, curiously.

"Yes'm," the cowboy replied, caution suffusing his words.

"Mr. Arc. Were you aware that just about every man who has ever expressed interest in me has only done so because of my name or my status as Heiress to the SDC?" Weiss asked pointedly.

Jaune winced. "I… no, I was not, Miss."

"Now that you do, you can imagine exactly what kind of impression your attempt at flirting had on me, correct?" The snow-haired girl continued.

He winced again. "Yes, Miss."

She paused, studying his face carefully, before her expression softened. "I had all but written you off, but then you came and apologized to me. Sincerely." She smiled warmly. "And that makes all the difference. So, yes, I accept your apology, Mr. Arc. And I do hope we can be friends."

Jaune returned the smile as a weight lifted from his chest. "Well... Thank you kindly, Miss Schnee. I appreciate your grace."

A massive crash and a whinny echoed from across the courtyard and Jaune could see the form of a panicking Orleans running from an amped up Nora Valkyrie who in turn was being pursued by a harried Lie Ren and a bemused Pyrrha Nikos.

"Ah, I should prob'ly handle that," the blond muttered. "You have a good one, Miss Schnee."

"The same to you, Mr. Arc," Weiss replied, her eyes twinkling with amusement.

A soft expression stole across her face as she watched him chase after his teammates, and an unbidden thought came to the fore.

He might be worthy.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

I've been giving a great deal of thought to Jacques and how disappointing he was as a final boss. So disappointing they turned Ironwood into a villain, which was doing him dirty.



So instead, let's give Jacques a henchman, a second in command, who could be more imposing and intimidating. One who is a physical threat.



Let's give him a "brother" so to speak, a friend. His name would be Fafnir, after the dragon from Norse mythology. He would have been Jacques' monster, a protector of his family and assets through brutal means. And Jacques would have trusted him for a long time. He would have been Jacques' loyal hound. A big, powerful fighter, dangerous and intimidating.



Over the course of the Atlas arc, we would get to know Fafnir and Jacques' history. We would learn he is a dangerous man who commands others to do Jacques' dirty work, but is Jacques' loyal follower. We would see some hints as to their friendship.



But like the mythical Fafnir, he would be consumed by greed and betrayed Jacques on behalf of Salem. His desire to rule, to run things and not take orders from Jacques any longer. So Jacques would be betrayed by his most loyal follower, the one he thought he could trust. Leaving Fafnir as our main Atlasian Boss. He would undergo an experimental treatment to transform into a Grimm dragon-like monster. This would bring up all sorts of trauma for our heroes from Beacon, but they would fight him and prevail.



So, any thoughts for Fafnir?

 

[AndrewJTalon]

- - -



Cinder Fall truly resented having to maintain her cover. Putting up with these ingrates was bad enough in school: Now they had to go on training missions? It took a lot more work to stay within the bounds of relatively average Hunters-in-Training.



Having to go and protect some yokels in a bubble town outside of Vale's walls was deeply degrading to her sense of pride.



Having to work alongside Pyrrha Nikos and her irritating team made it even more difficult. To see the confident young woman approach every challenge with a determined smile, a hopeful look to her hillbilly leader and her orphan teammates. Ugh... It was so disgusting.



Still, at least this mission was fairly straightforward. Team JNPR had taken the lead, and Cinder had begged off going right into battle in favor of guarding the civilians. Which was at least simple: The ingrates had obeyed her orders to move to the shelters without argument, and they'd kept watch for Grimm.



Cinder naturally had just ordered any Grimm to stay away from the town itself. It had been tempting to direct the Grimm in the area to rush JNPR and slaughter them, but her cover needed to be maintained and such an upset would draw too much attention.



Finally, they got the call on their Scrolls that JNPR had repelled the Grimm attack. They headed for the western walls, where the fighting had been most intense. They walked up and saw numerous holes in the wall, all the result of the fight. Team JNPR was there, sweeping the area carefully. Jaune Arc, the team leader, was chatting on his Scroll while Nora Valkyrie and Lie Ren swept out further. Nikos was keeping watch, sitting on top of Arc's horse.



She hadn't known that students could bring their own horses, but that was fine: Cinder hated the animals anyway.



A feeling that was mutual, as the horse looked up with a side long glare. Arc smiled at her as she, Emerald, Mercury and Neo approached.



"Howdy, Miss Fall!" He greeted her. "Everything okay?"



"Yes, the townsfolk are unharmed," she said, using her best 'relieved and awed young lady' voice, "Wow, you took them all down?"



"Pyrrha did most of the work," he said modestly. The Amazon blushed, and smiled.



"You did plenty as well, Jaune," she complimented him. The smile they shared was sickening. Emerald and Mercury barely hid their disgust, as Neo played on her Scroll.



"So," Cinder said, in as business-like a manner as possible, "Shall we call for evac?"



Arc shook his head.



"Not yet," he said. Cinder frowned.



"Not yet? Why? Are there more Grimm to kill?"



She was sure there weren't. Arc looked at the wall.



"We ain't done yet," he said. He saw the townsfolk emerging, and smiled.



"Hey folks! Don't you worry none about your wall: We're gonna rebuild it for you!"



The mayor of the town, a thin, graying man, gaped in astonishment. An expression Cinder would share if she wasn't such a good actress.



"Y-You will?" He gasped.



"We will?" Mercury muttered.



"Sure as shootin'!" Jaune said with a grin. He held up his Scroll, showing a map. "There's an old granite quarry close by. We'll get enough stone to rebuild the walls. Just need you folks to help with the clean up."



"That's very generous, uh, Mister Arc was it?" The mayor said, "But we can't pay you any more for the mission-"



"Shucks, don't you worry about it," Jaune chuckled. "We're all in this together, right?"



Cinder frowned. She had to phrase this just right to keep their cover...



"Jaune," she said quietly, walking up alongside him, "I don't think we're qualified for this kind of work. We're Hunters-in-Training, after all, not builders-"



Arc smiled and patted her on the shoulder.



"Don't worry, Miss Fall. You ain't gonna be doing any building. Though I would be mighty obliged if you helped out in other ways."



"What other ways would those be?" Cinder asked, even as the townspeople got to work clearing up the debris behind them. Jaune smiled.



"Well one... Mind if I borrow Mister Black?" Jaune looked over at Mercury. "Your feet look like they'd be good at breakin' stone. Am I right?"



"You're right, Cornpone," Mercury deadpanned, though there was a hint of pleased surprise in his voice. Jaune nodded, and looked back at Cinder.



"And you know how to cook, right Miss Fall?"



"I... Yes," Cinder said. Jaune beamed.



"Great! Then that makes it easy!"



Which is how Cinder found herself cooking on a hastily assembled grill, her hair tied back in a bun, an apron around her waist, as she and Emerald prepared food the villagers provided. Neo made herself useful getting water and ice, and distributing it. She bounced around like a waitress, using a discarded shield as a large platter. Cinder wiped her forehead free of sweat as she flipped some burgers, and then slid them over onto a plate for a waiting worker.



"Thank you, Miss Fall!" The man said happily, sharing the food with his two children: Both young boys. They smiled up at her with eager smiles that just made her ragged, blackened excuse for a soul curl in on itself.



"Thank you, Miss Fall!" They chorused, as their father guided them away. Cinder let out a breath, her eyebrow twitching. Emerald, cooking some vegetables in a pot nearby, looked over at her mistress in concern.



"Cinder...?"



"Just bear with it, Emerald," Cinder muttered, "Just bear with it..."



The hot sun beating down on her was the worst part. Even her Semblance didn't protect her from all aspects of the elements, and this was approaching intolerable-!



Shade fell over her. She looked to the right and saw the mayor and a few other men hefting up some tents over poles. The mayor smiled.



"Pretty ladies like you shouldn't be working out in the sun too hard! Especially if you're cooking for us!" He winked.



Cinder adopted an embarrassed but pleased look, while inwardly she seethed.



"When is that idiot gonna get back here," she muttered, glaring up at Nikos. The Argusian champion was on overwatch above, though she too had gotten an umbrella from the grateful townsfolk. Neo was even sharing some ice water with her, the little traitor.



Cinder sighed.



"He's going to take a while," she decided, "The among of granite you'd need to repair this wall is astronomical. One horse isn't going to-"



The ground shook and rumbled. All eyes turned to the largest gaping hole in the white walls. A horse trotted into view through the trees, large chains around her chest. Behind her was a boulder the size of a small house, and the mighty mare was dragging it with only minimal effort.



Arc walked alongside his horse. Valkyrie, Ren, and Mercury were riding atop the boulder. Arc waved with a grin.



"HOWDY! SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG!" He shouted to the shocked townspeople, "I THINK THIS'LL BE PLENTY THOUGH!"



Cinder and Emerald's own jaws fell as they beheld the spectacle. The crowd cheered happily. Nikos of course was smiling broadly and almost dreamily at her hillbilly leader. Something he entirely failed to notice.



Idiot...!



Hours later, night began to fall. Thanks to the assistance of eight Aura-empowered teenagers, Nora and Mercury's strikes, and the townspeople's chisels and hammers, the walls were fully restored. Underneath the repaired walls, the townspeople celebrated with music, dancing, and bonfires.



Cinder finally got a break, going off with the excuse of needing to powder her nose. She made it into a small alley near the walls, sat down on a low garden wall, and she seethed. It felt good, it powered up the Grimm inside her.



Being made to work like a-a scullery maid! Again! Her hand went up to the choker around her neck. Painful memory after painful memory burned through her mind. She clenched her fist, letting flames burn around it.



She could burn this entire fucking village down, right now. Make them pay for these insults. Pay for laughing and dancing and smiling while she had to hide her rage, hold back her true feelings the whole fucking time-!



"Howdy Miss Fall!"



She turned and glared at the cause of these painful reminders. Arc stood there, exhausted, sweaty, but smiling. She quickly schooled her features into something more neutral at the concerned look he wore.



"Oh, I'm sorry Miss Fall. I just wanted to check on you. Are you all right?"



"I... I-I'm fine," she grunted. She rubbed her choker again. "Just fine..."



Arc stared at her. He walked up and sat down next to her on the stone wall she was perched on. He doffed his hat and scratched the back of his head nervously.



"I... I know it was asking a lot of you to handle all the cooking," he said quietly, "But thank you. Everyone's mighty grateful to you."



"It-It wasn't an issue-" Cinder lied, but Arc shook his head.



"It's all right. I ain't gonna pry," he said, "But you made a lot of folks happy. So thank you again. We made their lives a lot better."



Cinder looked away, glaring down at the ground.



"Why bother?" She muttered.



"Hm?" Arc asked, leaning forward. Cinder started, and then sighed. She kept her rage under control, but a deep nihilism rose.



"Why bother? The walls will be broken down again. These people... Eventually, they'll die," she muttered, "So... Why bother with any of this?"



It was why she had set herself on her path, after all. Her life was destroyed over and over by people with power over her. A power she sought desperately, so that she would never be hurt again.



This village would be destroyed and all the smiles wouldn't matter then. All the gratitude shown her wouldn't have changed anything...



"You're right," Arc said. Cinder started again and stared.



"Huh?"



"Walls get knocked down and people die. That's the way of the world," Arc agreed, his eyes staring up at the stars as they began to come out into the night. "It happens enough to you... Sometimes... You wonder why you bother."



Cinder blinked in confusion.



"So... Why do it?" She blurted out despite herself. Arc turned back to her and smiled.



"Cause life's all about getting back up again. And continuing on. And if you help someone else get back up, well... Then they ain't getting back up alone. Maybe they can keep getting up, and help others too. Cause there's a lot in life worth getting back up for."



"... Is there?" Cinder asked softly. Arc nodded.



"Sure is. These kids have another day to grow up, play, and have fun. These adults have another day to do something, be something. The old folks get to see everything they did wasn't for nothin'."



"It might only be for one more day," Cinder argued quietly.



"One more day can make all the difference," Arc argued back gently. He reached into his messenger bag, and pulled out a bright red and orange wildflower. He handed it over to her with a smile.



"I hope you like it. It reminded me of you," he said.



Cinder started. She stared at the flower intensely.



"I-"



"It-It's just a friendly gesture!" Arc insisted, his cheeks going red, "Honest! D-Don't mean anything romantic by it! Th-Though you are mighty pretty, I just uh... I ain't focused on that right now, you know?"



Cinder stared for a long moment. She held out her hand.



"Just give me the flower, you hillbilly," she sighed. Arc smiled, and handed it to her. She took it in her hand and studied it.



"The townsfolk have food and drink if you'd like some," Jaune said, putting his hat back on and tipping it to her, "And our Bullhead will arrive early in the morning. Goodnight, Miss Fall."



"Goodnight, Mister Arc," Cinder muttered. He turned and headed off, his poncho waving slightly in the nighttime breeze. Cinder glared down at the flower after he left. She clenched her fist around it.



She should burn it right now. Her facade was such she could be mercurial. Just burn it, toss it away. A bit of kindness by some stranger didn't change anything. He was some slack jawed idiotic yokel, what did he know of pain or suffering?



She should burn it in front of him, just for the sight of his face falling and the pain it would cause. It would feed her inner Grimm, make her stronger...



That's what this was all for, right?



"Cinder?"



Cinder looked over at Emerald. The green haired girl was staring at her in concern.



"Cinder? Are you all right?"



Cinder glared at her.



"I'm fine," she muttered. She thought for a moment, before tucking the flower behind her ear. She sighed, and stood up.



"We need to put in an appearance at the celebration," she stated formally, "Just to avoid suspicion."



"I... Yes Cinder," Emerald said with a nod, "Um... The flower-?"



"The flower," Cinder stated firmly, "Is none of your concern."



Emerald nodded quickly.



"Y-Yes ma'am."



Cinder's scowl softened. She schooled her features to be tired but grateful. Another mask, one of many, and one of her most useful.



Yet for some reason, it didn't feel quite as taxing...



- - -

 

[AndrewJTalon]

So for thousands of years, Ozma and Salem have been fighting. And once again, there are so many different things they may have fought with. So many different attempts at fighting one another and of course, plenty of crazy shit. Stuff made when they were drunk or high or just bored.

Ruby: "Hey Headmaster Ozpin? We found something in a giant cave. Do you know what it is?"

Ozpin: "Send me a picture?"

She does.

Ozpin: "... Well shit."

Ruby: "Headmaster?"

Ozpin: "Hang on, I need to make a call."

Ozpin rings up Salem... Who actually answers.

Salem: "What?!"

Ozpin: "Do you remember this thing? Or was it one of yours?"

Salem stares.

Salem: "... Wasn't that from that party with that purple armored kid? With the blue and redheaded wives?"

Ozpin: "Oh yeah... Ha... We got so drunk!"

Salem: "Yes, and you still couldn't get it up!"

Ozpin: "I had mana burnout! It's not MY fault you didn't want to have sex FIRST but instead wanted to make THAT thing!"

Salem: "No, it was YOUR idea!"

Ozpin: "YOURS!"

Salem: "YOURS!"

 

[AndrewJTalon]

- - -

Free periods between classes at Beacon were for studying. Jaune admittedly had struggled a bit with focusing at the start of the semester, but thanks to Pyrrha's training in combat, Nora's training in weights, and Ren's training in meditation and Aura had seriously improved his discipline. So at the moment, he was going over an essay he had written for Professor Oobleck's class. So far, it covered all the main topics and the spelling was good.

Still, it was hard to focus on it as he looked out the library windows. He smiled a bit at the clear, warm summer weather and the other students out just relaxing in the sun.

Okay... A few more minutes, then I'm out of here, he resolved. He turned back to the essay... When the doors to the library were slammed open. He looked up, and his eyes widened. A blue haired woman, a few years older than him, stormed right in and scanned around. When her eyes locked onto him, she sprinted right at him. She leaped like a tiger, as tears burst from her eyes.

"JAUUUUNE!"

"AQUAAA-?!"

She tackled him right to the floor, slamming him down hard enough to knock the wind out of his chest. He coughed and struggled to catch her breath as the woman sobbed over him.

"IT'S BEEN SO LONG! MY BELOVED BABY BROTHER! HOW ARE YOU?!" She cried.

"Urk... I-I'm... Fine," Jaune managed.

Ruby Rose, his best friend, appeared out of a burst of rose petals. She gave the blue haired girl a disbelieving look.

"Um... Jaune? Who's the girl sobbing over you?" She asked.

"This is Aqua," Jaune wheezed, "My big sister."

- - -

It took some time for Aqua's hysterics to die down. Long enough Jaune could drag her off to the RWBY/JNPR Common room. Ruby followed, though not before sending a message to Professor Oobleck's class that they would be late.

Jaune set his sister down on a couch, and sat down next to her. He patted her on the shoulder and smiled.

"Now now, Aqua... I'm sure it's not that bad? I mean... Did you lose another horse race?"

"Horse race?" Ruby asked in disbelief. Aqua shook her head violently.

"Okay... Did you lose at the card table-?"

"Card table?!" Ruby inquired, more alarmed. Aqua shook her head again. Jaune sighed.

"Are you in debt to some mobsters... Again-?"

"IT DOESN'T INVOLVE DEBT!" Aqua wailed. "WHY IS MY OWN BROTHER SUCH A JERK?!"

"I-I'm just going through the standard possibilities!" Jaune protested. Ruby stared at him in disbelief. Jaune sighed, and patted Aqua on the shoulder.

"Okay, so... Did you and Kazuma fight again?"

Aqua sniffled, and shook her head.

"I... Not exactly," she mumbled.

Jaune spread his arms out.

"Okay, so... What happened?" He asked in exasperation.

Aqua sniffled.

"... I'm pregnant," she mumbled.

Jaune blinked. Ruby gasped. Jaune then grinned.

"W-Well that's wonderful! It's Kazuma's baby, r-right?"

Aqua sniffled and nodded.

"Y-Yes..."

"So, what's the problem?" Jaune asked.

"WE AGREED NOT TO LET FEELINGS GET INVOLVED!" Aqua wailed. "BUT THEY DID! AND HE'S NOT GONNA WANT TO MARRY THE GODDESS OF DEBT AND ALCOHOLISM!"

"You did give that up, right? For the baby?" Jaune asked urgently. Aqua sobbed.

"OF COURSE I DID! WHY DO YOU THINK I'M IN SUCH A BAD MOOD?!"

Jaune sighed and hugged her. He patted her back.

"It's okay, sis, it's okay. We're going to work this out..."

Aqua sniffled again, and looked up at Jaune hopefully.

"While I am, can I crash on your couch? Or bunk? I am pregnant, after all. You wouldn't toss your pregnant sister out into the cold, unfeeling world, would you?"

"You could just go talk to Kazuma," Jaune said, "I mean, I'm pretty sure he'd marry you if you'd ask-"

"I CAN"T ASK HIM THAT!" Aqua sobbed. "HE THINKS I'M NO GOOD! AND HE'S RIGHT! I WENT AND GOT PREGNANT AND FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM! WHEN HE'S INTO PETITE GIRLS OR BLONDE BOMBSHELLS!"

"You are technically blonde, Aqua," Jaune sighed, "You just dye your hair-"

"UWAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"OKAY OKAY OKAY! We won't call Kazuma yet," Jaune said, waving his hands. Aqua sniffled, and hugged him tightly.

"Can I get some pickles and ice cream? Rocky road please? For your big sister?"

Jaune sighed heavily.

"Yes, I can," he stated. "Don't worry, I'll be right back."

He guided Ruby out the door, and closed it behind them. Ruby worried her lower lip.

"Um... Does Beacon let you have your relatives stay with you?"

"No idea, which is why we're gonna have to resolve this fast," Jaune sighed. "I love her to pieces but she's... Well... Difficult is the best way to put it."

"How long has she been with her boyfriend?" Ruby asked.

"About seven years," Jaune said. Ruby's eyes widened.

"Wait, and they're STILL not married?!"

"The guy has two or three other girls in their group and they're all, uh..." Jaune searched for a kind word.

"Dysfunctional," he decided on. Ruby winced.

"How dysfunctional?"

"Hopefully you won't find out," Jaune stated flatly. "Anyway, you go get some pickles and ice cream. Me? I'm gonna have to figure out a way to get in contact with Kazuma."

"How? I-I mean, without lying to your sister," Ruby asked.

Jaune sighed.

"If I know my hopefully future brother-in-law? He's already trying to track down my sister... Though if he doesn't know she's pregnant, he'll have a few false starts before he figures out how to find her."

- - -

Kazuma Satou, the leader of the mercenary/adventurer group KDAM (Kadmium), stared down a LOT of thugs with guns in a hideout in northern Sanus. At his sides were Megumi, a Huntress who could cause massive explosions with her Semblance, Dust, and gunpowder (which she was no longer allowed to have), and Darkness, a washed out Huntress who could tank better than anyone else... Though unfortunately she rarely hit anything with her sword.

"So," Kazuma stated slowly, "You haven't seen Aqua around?"

"No!" The head gangster growled, "She actually PAID HER DEBTS before she ran off!"

Kazuma blinked rapidly.

"That... Doesn't sound like her. Holy shit... Is she sick? Is she dying?!"

"Can we blow them up anyway?" Megumi asked. "I mean, we came all this way and I didn't even get to blow anything up!"

"Or fight them in a valiant last stand?" Darkness asked, already panting, "These lusty, dirty, filthy men overwhelming us and taking us prisoner-"

"No, no, none of that, serious mode guys," Kazuma stated. He hummed. "If she paid her debts and ran off... Where could she be?"

Kazuma then snapped his fingers.

"Of course! She went to get more money!" He said cheerfully. "And since her mom and dad cut her off... Saphron's in the wrong direction... Tanya wouldn't do it unless she was dying..."

He grinned.

"She'll go bum money off of Jaune at Beacon! Of course!"

"Ooh! Jaune's grown up so handsome!" Darkness sighed happily, "Though I wonder if he has a sadistic streak like his sister? That might be interesting to-OW OW OW HURTS SO GOOD~!"

Kazuma rolled his eyes as he twisted Darkness's ear.

"We'll deal with that later, Darkness. Anyway guys, thanks for the intel!"

"Are you going to fix our door?" The head gangster demanded.

Kazuma looked at the smashed open doors to the casino, and then back to the gangster.

"We could... But it would mean we'd stay longer, and Megumi might get impatient for another explosion..."

Megumi grinned and held up her Dust powered staff. The head gangster held up his hands.

"That's fine! That's fine! You do you, man! Hope you find your girl!"

"Thanks!" Kazuma said brightly, dragging his companions out the doors. The mobster sighed and rubbed his face.

"I thought the crazies stayed in Mistral... What the hell happened to this country?"

- - -

 

[AndrewJTalon]

As for how Tangy/Tanya and Aqua Arc ended up how they are in this universe? Without them being transplanted? That's fairly simple.



Aqua Arc wanted to be a doctor like her mom, and when her Aura was unlocked her Semblance, Water Control, was breathtakingly powerful. She seemed guaranteed to succeed her mother... But medical school and being a prodigy with her Semblance (but nothing else) burned her out and she wanted to chart her own course. She had a massive argument with Isabel and then left when she was 18 to forge her own destiny. Her father let her go, as he felt that there wasn't anything he could do to dissuade her. Being rather sheltered but very powerful, Aqua ended up drinking, partying, and gambling a lot in the wilds of Mistral. And having to keep one step ahead of gangsters and other debt collectors thanks to her power. She was always a bit of a crybaby as well, and definitely took after her father when it came to common sense. It wasn't until she saved some idiot from the island nation of Fuujin who fell off a boat and nearly drowned named Kazuma Satou that her life began to turn around. She remembered that she wanted to become a doctor like her mom to help people, and to go on adventures like her father. Kazuma helped remind her of that. She still drinks, gambles, and spends too much but she's slowly getting back on the right track in life. She was always closest to Nick, her daddy.



Tangerine "Tangy" or "Tanya" Arc has always been an ambitious girl. There were concerns she might be autistic or a high-functioning sociopath, but she does have basic empathy for others: She's just always been very analytical and serious. She had a knack for finance, philosophy, and strategic thinking and was going to become an investment banker in Atlas. However, she got caught up in a White Fang hostage situation and managed to negotiate herself and the others hostages out of it... Before blowing up the White Fang terrorists. This was a RUSH to Tangy, and she got her Aura unlocked, some military training with Atlas, and then struck out on her own to found her own PMC. She's on fairly decent terms with her parents, though Isabel is unhappy she's in such a dangerous profession. Tangy definitely takes after Isabel in her intelligence and ruthlessness-There were times as a Huntress Isabel was very cold, calculating, and brutal, and this may be why Isabel and Tangy have such a difficult relationship at times while still being close. She loves her father of course, as he has deep emotional intelligence and recognized she wouldn't be happy making a living behind a desk.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

The Beowulf snarled at its prey, its red eyes burning furiously. On this open sandy plain in the mountains on the Vale/Vacuoan border, it had a straight line to its target. There was no cover, no protection to be found.

It charged, opening its jaws...

BANG!

And down it went, the Dust bullet going right through its masked head. It slammed into the sand, and began to dissolve away. Jaune sighed, spun his weapon around his fingers per his habit, and holstered his trusty revolver.

"I think that's all of 'em," Jaune stated, tapping his earbud, "Nora? Ren?"

"We're clear on our end, Jauney!" Nora chirped.

"Good, we'll meet you back at town," Jaune said, looking around. "Pyrrha?"

A gunshot rang out. Jaune looked up and saw a Nevermore falling from above. It slammed into the sand only twenty meters away from him. He grimaced, then traced the sound back to the place of origin. A familiar redhead was on a rocky outcropping up above. She waved.

"Up here!"

He smiled back as Pyrrha jumped down and gracefully landed next to him.

"Nice. Didn't notice it through the glare of the sun," he complimented her, adjusting his hat. Pyrrha smiled modestly.

"You would have gotten it," she said. Jaune shook his head as they scanned the area carefully.

"Gotta get better at that," he sighed, "Feel like I'm gettin' soft."

"It's not like one person can do everything," Pyrrha consoled him, as they turned and began to walk the dusty road back towards the nearby town.

"No, but missin' a great big Nevermore, ugh," Jaune grumbled.

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself," Pyrrha again said with a warm smile.

"Yeah well, Mister Duke and Pa would be harder," Jaune huffed. He adjusted his hat again.

They made it to the gates, where the guards checked them over and then let them back inside. The town itself was rough and tumble, as was typical of most frontier settlements. White colored adobe buildings interspersed with light wooden buildings. A few holoscreens were scattered here and there, and horses were tied up alongside trucks. The local casino had loud music that was audible even out here.

Pyrrha noticed the look on Jaune's face. A soft, nostalgic smile.

"You, uh... You seem comfortable here," she observed, "If-If you don't mind me saying so?"

"Huh? Oh, well..." Jaune rubbed the back of his head sheepishly, "Just kind of familiar..."

"HEY YOU! ARC!"

Jaune paused. The relaxed look on his face vanished. His eyes narrowed. His jaw was set. Pyrrha turned with him, eyes locking onto three men in dark clothing. The lead, a man with curly red hair, beard, and a black hat glared from the porch of the casino. He sneered as he advanced, his two goons following alongside. Violence was written in their every movement, and Pyrrha tensed a bit.

"That's me," Jaune stated. The curly haired man sneered.

"Your Pa wrecked my business!"

"What business would that be, sir?" Jaune asked politely, despite the tension in his body language.

"The mining camp at Branston Bridge!" The man sputtered.

Jaune slowly nodded.

"You mean the one using Faunus slaves? Yeah, he told me about that," Jaune said calmly, "Said you turned tail and ran the moment he brought out his sword."

The man snarled.

"Well! I'm going to make him pay! I'll kill his son, and his son's whore!"

Pyrrha's green eyes narrowed. Jaune sucked in a breath, and held out hand in front of her. He shook his head at her questioning look, before looking back to the three men.

"Mister, I believe you should just walk away," Jaune stated, cold and hard. The man sneered back, hand twitching near his revolver.

"No, I don't think I will," he shot back. "I don't think I-!"

His hand went for the gun. He had it halfway out of its holster... When Jaune's revolver rounds struck home. The curly haired man's gun was shot out of his hand first, and his thugs' weapons followed a split second after. They all grabbed onto their hands in pain and shrank back.

Pyrrha stared at Jaune, holding his smoking revolver. His eyes were hard and cold as flint and steel. A few people came out of the casino to see the commotion.

"Yes. I think you will," Jaune stated coldly. The curly haired man growled.

"You-You think you're hot shit you little punk-?!"

"I said, you're going to walk away," Jaune repeated. "You got hearing problems, old man? Beat it!"

The three men turned and ran off, even as the crowd murmured. Jaune watched them go. Pyrrha's entire attention was on Jaune, how the breeze made his poncho wave a bit, how heroic he appeared… Before another shot rang out.

BANG!

Pyrrha had her weapons out in a split second and turned… Just in time to see another man in black fall from the rooftop behind them into the water trough. Pyrrha immediately locked onto the shooter-And started.

Wha…?

It was a hard looking man in a red poncho and a brown flat hat. His hair was dark blond, his eyes weathered and narrowed. A rough beard encircled his strong chin and cheeks. A revolver was held in his right hand, smoking. He walked up to Jaune and Pyrrha, shaking his head as he smoked a cigarillo.

"Very sloppy, Kid," he stated, "Very sloppy." He looked past Pyrrha and Jaune and held up his revolver. He fired three more shots in quick succession.

BANG! BANG! BANG!
And all three of the fleeing men dropped like flies despite the distance.

The man scanned around for one last moment before he spun his revolver around on metal fingers and holstered it.

Jaune's own eyes went wide.

"Mister Blanco?!"

- - -

It took some time for the chaos to be sorted out. All four bodies were dragged back, laid out, and covered-Though only after Blanco shot some photos on his Scroll and took a few scans. Nora and Ren showed up a bit late, but did keep their distance once Jaune waved his hand that everyone was okay.

After this, Blanco let the city undertaker gather the bodies and cart them off. Only then did Blanco lead Jaune, Pyrrha, Nora and Ren into the casino. The music was much more subdued, as a lot of eyes were directed towards the party. Blanco sat down and the teenagers joined him. Blanco lit up another cigarillo, before his Scroll beeped loudly. He nodded.

"I'd prefer the hard stuff, but the electronic transfer works fine… Long as it's all above board," he stated in his gravelly voice.

"Y-Yeah… Thanks, Mister Blanco," Jaune said. The man looked intensely at Pyrrha.

"Your girl should have picked him up. She was distracted."

Pyrrha flushed. Jaune glanced at her.

"I'm sorry…" She said quietly, her eyes down in shame.

"We're learning," Jaune insisted to Blanco.

"Yeah, and you might have been dead from learning," Blanco stated. He shook his head. "Offer's still open, Kid."

Jaune sighed. He shook his head.

"I'm good… Thanks again."

Blanco sighed. He nodded, and motioned to the waiter. Jaune's Scroll beeped, and he opened it up.

Jaune gaped.

"Wha-That's-!"

Nora leaned over and gasped.

"Fifty thousand lien?!"

"You did help out with the bounty," Blanco stated with a shrug, "You deserve a fourth… Though next time? I'm not gonna be there, Kid. Remember that."

Jaune nodded slowly.

"I know. We'll get better."

"You'd better," Blanco stated flatly, "I'm not telling your ma and pa how you got yourself killed." He took a mug of beer from the waiter, and downed it slowly, savoring every drop. He finished it, wiped his face, and set the mug down on the table.

"Also… If you've got a tip on any bounties-?"

"I'll pass it along, don't you worry," Jaune stated. Blanco nodded, and stood up.

"Take care of yourself, Kid. That's the only person you can count on in this world," Blanco stated, his eyes lingering on Pyrrha for a bit. Pyrrha grimaced and stared down at her hands, while Nora glared and Ren frowned. The man walked out, the casino goers giving him a wide berth as he walked out through the swinging double doors. The noise and music returned to normal levels, as Jaune's friends all stared at him.

Jaune sighed.

"Mister Blanco worked for Mister Duke on a few jobs. He uh… He even taught me some shooting. Mister Duke paid him."

"You… You got taught by the scariest, most badass bounty hunter in Vale?!" Nora gasped. She scowled at the doors. "He's still a jerk-!"

"No. He's right," Pyrrha murmured. "I…" She looked over at Jaune in distress. "I-I just… I wasn't focused, I didn't-!"

Jaune reached out, and took her hand. He shook his head.

"You made a mistake. Nobody we care about got hurt. Sides, tournament fightin' ain't exactly gonna have a lot of sniping involved, right?"

Pyrrha shook her head.

"No, but… I'm still sorry," she murmured. "I… I was just too-I should never have-!"

Jaune smiled back.

"Hey. If I don't get to beat myself up? Neither do you. We both made a mistake. We'll both get better. Promise," he said.

Pyrrha smiled softly, and nodded. The doubt was still on her face, but Jaune's smile did help how she felt.

"What was that offer Blanco made to you, anyway?" Ren asked. Jaune turned away from Pyrrha and shrugged.

"To be his partner. His old partner got rich and ran off on him. Apprentice to him and all."

"It would have been a great honor, to be the apprentice to Blanco," Ren stated. Nora grinned.

"Yeah! Sure he's a jerk but WOW! He took down the Golden Ecstasy Gang! The Rojo Baxters! The Angel Eyed Bandit! The Gran Torinos-!"

"I know, I know," Jaune said with a nod, "But me? I've always wanted to be a Huntsman. And that's what I'm gonna be."

He grinned.

"Sides. If I had joined up with him, I wouldn't have met all of you."

"You still could have!" Nora insisted. "Like in this one dream of mine, when we were pirates! And I was rubber and you were a reindeer…!"

Jaune laughed a bit, as Ren smiled indulgently at Nora's epic tale. Pyrrha for her part still felt her worry. She glanced back at the double doors, then back at Jaune.

He caught her gaze even as he laughed at Nora's outrageous dream, smiled, and patted her on the hand under the table. She smiled back.

It was… Nice to be comforted. Nice to be told a failure wasn't the end of the world.

Nice to not need to be perfect.

For once.

- - -

Naturally, Mister Blanco is The Man with No Name with a bit of influence from McCree from "Overwatch", who himself is basically a Man With No Name expy. He is a notorious, near-legendary bounty hunter in Vale and Vacuo. He's not able to take, say, Raven in a fight but he's definitely formidable. Jaune copied his style because it was awesome and he was one of his teachers, but he didn't choose to go his path.

Because hell, Remnant should have bounty hunters. To quote "For a Few Dollars More":

"Where life had no value, death, sometimes, had its price. That is why the bounty killers appeared."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

- - -



Blake was a fairly light sleeper. It's what came of being a terrorist, she supposed. Even Ruby, the little reaper queen of the nightowls, would fall into a deep slumber when she had exhausted herself over her latest game or gadget.



Blake also had the best hearing. So it was no surprise when she was the only one to perk up at the sounds of someone in the common room. Stealthy as a shadow, she got out of her bunk and padded silently to the door. She slowly opened it up a crack, and narrowed her eyes in the dark.



They widened in surprise. There was Jaune Arc, in his ridiculous bunny onesie and a pink apron... Cooking fish?



She blinked rapidly and rubbed her eyes. She checked again: No, they were not deceiving her.



The scent of the fish soon filled the room. Blake shut the door behind her and crept up behind Jaune. The knight flipped the fish, and her eyes followed its progress.



"Fishy fishy, tasty fish, so delish..." Jaune sang under his breath, before he snored. Blake peeked around at his face. Her jaw dropped.



His eyes were shut!



"Zzz... Tasty fish, so delish," he mumble-sang again, shaking some powdered garlic over the trout filets.



He's... Sleepwalking? Sleep-cooking? Blake thought incredulously.



The situation was so bizarre that Blake could be forgiven for her distraction. Jaune flipped the cooked fish onto a plate, and then turned to hold it out to her with a dreamy smile.



"Here Kitty... You deserve num nums..."



Blake's jaw dropped. She scowled at him.



"I... I do not...!" Her stomach growled. She looked down at the cooked fish. He'd used a lot of butter and delicious spices, all to enhance the aroma coming off of it. She licked her lips.



"I... Well... Sure. Thanks," she muttered. She took the plate and a fork. She scooped up a piece of the fish-It flaked off perfectly. She brought it up to her mouth, and took a bite. Her eyes widened.



Oh... My...



How long had it been since she had delicious river fish, so lovingly prepared? It took her back to her childhood in Menagerie. Fishing trips with her parents, where they would cook their catch right on the side of the river. She swallowed and moaned happily.



"Mmm... Ack!"



Jaune's hands had gone up to her head in her distraction. His fingers dug in behind her cat ears, and began to scratch.



"Good kitty... Good kitty shouldn't be sad," Jaune mumbled, his fingers finding her nerve clusters and giving them a vigorous tending to. Blake's eyes crossed.



"Nnn... Nnnn...!"



She wanted to say no. She wanted to say no so badly, to tell him off... She could just push him back, knock him away. It wouldn't even hurt him...!



"N-Nyyyaaaahhhh~," she moaned in bliss.



"Eat up your fish, kitty, before it gets cold," Jaune said gently, smiling down at her with warmth and kindness. She blushed.



"I... I will... Oooh... Nyaaahhhh~...!"



As nice as it was to get fish and her ears scratched, doing it while standing up was a little awkward. So she guided the sleepwalking Jaune over to the couch. She sat him down, and then plopped herself in his lap.



"Good kitty... Nice and warm... Good kitty," Jaune mumbled, as Blake pulled off her bow. She pulled his hands up to her head, and purred happily as he resumed scritching her ears.



"Nyaaahhhh~..."



Another bite of her trout, and she was back in heaven.



She had initially dismissed Jaune as just another bumbling human. True, he was nice and fairly handsome, and he did help Ruby with trying to find her and ohhhhh... He had magical hands...!



"Nyaahhhh...!"



Maybe she would take a closer look at him from now on-!



"Nyaaahhhh!"



"Be a good kitty," Jaune mumbled, "Don't run away so much... We all miss you..."



"I-I won't! I'll be a good kitty, good kitty, nyaaaahhhh~!"



- - -



The next morning, Teams RWBY and JNPR came upon a curious sight: Jaune sleeping on the couch with a blanket over him, still in his bunny onesie.



"Hey, VB!" Yang shouted, shaking his shoulder, "Wake up!"



"Hwauh huh?!" Jaune shook his head and looked around. "Ah? OH... Geez..."



"How did you get out here, Jauney?" Nora asked in concern. "Did aliens take you? Did they float you through the window?!"



Jaune shook his head, and smiled at his concerned team.



"Nah... I just sometimes sleep walk. I did it all the time as a kid: Stress made me get up and wander around. Doing all sorts of weird things like milking the cows or going fishing..."



"Ha! Sounds crazy," Yang giggled. Ruby frowned in concern.



"Oh geez... Should we wake you up when you start doing it?"



"You're not going to 'sleepwalk' into our beds, are you?" Weiss asked with a glare. Pyrrha blushed at this.



Jaune shook his head rapidly.



"N-No! No! I'm a perfect gentleman, I swear! Just uh, guide me back to bed and I'll stop moving... Eventually."



Jaune sighed.



"Well, since we're up, I guess I'll-"



"I'll handle breakfast," Blake said quickly.



Everyone turned to stare at her. The hidden black cat Faunus cleared her throat.



"I do actually know how to cook, and uh... You were up sleepwalking, after all."



Jaune blinked. Ruby stared. Yang reached over to touch Blake's forehead.



"You feeling all right, Kit-Kat?"



"I'm fine!" Blake said quickly. "I'm just, you know... Trying to be good-Nice. Nicer. After all, if Weiss can do it, anyone can."



"Oh stuff it!" Weiss growled, as Ruby and Yang giggled. Nora shrugged with a bright, perky smile.



"All right! But if you mess up my pancakes, you'll have to die!"



"Understood," Blake said, giving Jaune a soft smile. One he returned, despite his obvious confusion.



- - -

 

[AndrewJTalon]

- - -



Breakfast in the RWBY and JNPR common room had begun to play host to a strange display. One that had begun to dominate the usual light conversation and teasing of Blake over her choice in erotica.



Which Blake had been thankful for. At one time.



"Ruby, come on, you need more fiber," Jaune encouraged, "And fruit tastes just as good as cookies!"



Yang scowled, and shoved the plate over in favor of blueberry pancakes with chocolate chips in front of Ruby, who was wincing at the spectacle. Nora was watching the argument as it had unfolded in a similar fashion over the last few weeks: Like she was watching a particular aggressive tennis match, and she was following the ball. Ren for his part was meditating, though his eyebrow twitch gave away that he couldn't block out the entire argument.



"She's worked hard this week! She deserves a treat!'



"You give her so many 'treats' it's amazing she's not a diabetic," Jaune shot back, glaring over Ruby's head at his fellow blonde, "Seriously!"



"Her Semblance is literally superspeed! She can eat anything she wants and she'll be fine!" Yang insisted, glaring back, "What would you know?!"



Weiss and Pyrrha watched the spectacle with a sort of morbid fascination. The idea that Jaune Arc would stand up to Yang Xiao-Long over anything was a ridiculous thought, and yet? Here he was. He hadn't hit on Weiss once in weeks: Something both ladies were grateful for, though for different reasons.



"Oh gee, besides the fact my mom's one of the greatest doctors in Remnant?" Jaune asked sarcastically, "Even an Aura enhanced body still needs vital nutrients! More of them, in fact!"



"Well why don't you butt out and let me worry about that?!" Yang demanded, leaning in dangerously, "She's not your little sister!"



"She's my best friend!" Jaune growled back, leaning in so close their noses were practically touching, "Is it wrong for me to worry about her?"



"Of course I worry about her!"



"Sure fooled me!"



Yang's eyes began to blaze red. Jaune's Aura, while still untrained, began to flare around him.



"Maybe you should worry more about yourself, Vomit Boy," Yang growled, "Before I say something with my fist."



"Say it all you like! It doesn't change facts!" Jaune snarled.



Ruby groaned, and slapped her hands over her face.



"ALL RIGHT! That's enough!" She shouted. She glared at both of them as she stood up. She grabbed the surprised Yang and Jaune's wrists, and dragged them off to the RWBY dorm room. She kicked the door open, and shoved her big sister and best friend inside.



"You two solve this RIGHT NOW!" She shouted, before she slammed the door shut.



Yang and Jaune gaped at the door, similarly in disbelief.



"What the-What the hell does she think she's doing?!" Yang demanded.



"I'm not on her team! She can't order me around!" Jaune growled.



The two blondes glared at the door... Then glared at each other. An awkward silence fell. Jaune sighed, as Yang looked away.



"... Look. I'm sorry," Jaune said.



"I... Me too," Yang muttered. "Jerk."



"Jerk?!" Jaune demanded, glaring at her, "You're the one being unreasonable!"



"I'm NOT unreasonable!" Yang shouted back, "You're the one who butted in and started acting like-like her big brother-!"



"Well I wouldn't have had to if you stepped up-!"



"I'VE BEEN STEPPING UP SINCE I WAS SIX!"



Silence fell. Jaune stared in shock at Yang. She breathed hard, her face and eyes red. She clenched her fists.



"What?! She didn't tell you?!" She demanded.



"... No," Jaune said, quieted by the shock, "She didn't... What?"



Yang stared at him. She sighed, and crossed her arms under her chest.



"... My... Bio mom ran out on us before I could walk," she mumbled, "Summer... Ruby's mom... She married by dad soon after. I... She's the one I..."



She bowed her head slightly. She sucked in a deep breath and tried to look non-chalant. Her anger was still simmering in the air around her.



"She... She was our Mom. My Mom. And she died when I was six... Maybe seven, I don't fucking remember," she muttered. "And Dad... He shut down. I... I had to cook. Clean. Look after Ruby because he..."



She trailed off. Jaune stared. Yang shot a venomous glare.



"So... You gonna tell me I did a shitty job?"



Jaune shook his head.



"No... No. I... Yang. I'm sorry," he murmured. "I didn't know. I... I can understand why you'd want to just... Cut loose, after having to be her mom and her big sister. I... I get it."



"Do you?" Yang asked sarcastically.



He sighed, and shrugged.



"I just... I do care about her. Really, I do. I didn't... I didn't think you were doing a bad job, just... My sisters looked after me and... I-I was thinking like a sibling."



He looked intently into her eyes.



"For what it's worth... I think you did a good job with her. If we fight over it... It's only because we both care so much about her."



Yang stared at him for a bit in silence. She wiped her eyes, and coughed.



"Y-yeah... Um... Dust in here," she mumbled, "I-I'll have to make Weiss vacuum it up or-or bring her butler or... Or something."



Jaune smiled and nodded.



"Or something," he agreed.



Yang sighed, and looked directly into his eyes.



"I... I appreciate that you care about Ruby," she said quietly. "I'm... I'm really glad. She uh... Back in Sanctum? She... She didn't really have any friends. Just mine. And they just hung out with me. She... She was the kid sister. So... So thank you. For being her friend."



"Well... I-I mean... I'd like to be your friend too," Jaune said with a shrug. "Can... Can we do that?"



Yang stared for a long moment. She nodded and gave him a smile.



"Sure... Just as long as you never vomit on my boots again."



"It was one time," Jaune sighed.



"Once was enough!" Yang snickered.



Jaune rolled his eyes.



"You know, when you have an embarrassing bodily function, I'm gonna be the bigger man and not make fun of you for it."



Yang smirked and leaned in.



"Oh? And what kind of embarrassing body functions of mine are you imagining, hmm~?"



Jaune's face turned bright red... But he held his ground.



"I dunno, you wanna go through the list?"



Yang's cheeks turned red, and her smirk became a bit sharper.



"Oho? Vomit Boy wants me to write them out? You're a real perv."



"You're the one offering," Jaune shot back.



The door opened and Nora stuck her head in.



"Hey! Mom? Dad? If you're done flirting, the rest of us want breakfast too!"



Yang's face went bright red. Jaune sputtered.



"Wh-WHAT?!"



"We were all thinking it!" Blake added, turning another page in her book.



"N-No we weren't!" Pyrrha cried.



"I was," Weiss smirked, "Oh, to be tossed aside for Xiao-Long! I suppose my heart will recover from your rejection, Arc."



"EW! GROSS WEISS!" Ruby groaned.



- - -

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Well, here's a potentially new reason for Pyrrha's shyness and whole deal. Her family is dysfunctional but in a slightly different way:



She's a mob princess. Her family is all about organized crime. Her father does actually want her to pursue a life outside of the criminal lifestyle, much like Vito Corleone. And encourages her.



Godfather Nikos is trying to go straight himself, to reform the family into something to be proud of. But it's not easy, and some habits die hard.



Pyrrha: "See Jaune? You go for the ribs or fingers first when you're interrogating someone. You only escalate to breaking kneecaps if this doesn't work."



Jaune: "Ohhh, I see!"



Nora: "But breaking kneecaps is fun!"



Pyrrha: all smiles "It certainly can be, but it can take longer. Meaning we get less time to just go and chill out after."



Nora: "Huh! I never thought of that! Who wants breaking kneecaps to turn into work? It should be fun!"



Pyrrha: "Exactly!"



Ren: "What else would you like to share with us, Pyrrha?"



Pyrrha: "Well, if you get REALLY good at it, you don't even need to hurt anyone! Which is less fun, I'll admit, but easier on your nails."



Team RWBY is just staring at this exchange. As is the terrified White Fang operative Pyrrha is holding hostage.



Yang: "Um... What did you say your family was into, P-Money?"



Pyrrha: brightly "Waste management and construction!"



Yang: "Riiiight..."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

- - -



Jaune Arc gaped at the Ursa that had been in his path... Or rather, what was left of it. The monster had been demolished by one blow from the stranger who stood before him. He turned to Jaune, panting a bit.



He was tall, taller than Jaune. A bit wiry but obviously well built. He wore green combat trousers and black boots, along with a long sleeved black shirt over tactical gear. And over all of that was a heavy, worn, but cared for white doctor's coat.



He wore sunglasses and a wide brimmed hat, but the hair poking out from under it was blond and Jaune caught a glimpse of blue eyes in a face covered in a neatly trimmed beard.



"Idiot," the man sighed, "What were you thinking?"



"I uh..." Jaune winced. It felt like getting scolded by his father. "I um... I was just thinking I could hitchhike my way to Beacon?"



"You're better off taking the train, moron," the man scolded him. Jaune scowled up at him.



"Well I would, but I forgot my cash and can't access it here in the sticks!"



"Yeah, I suppose signal strength still isn't great just outside of Radian's walls," the man muttered. Jaune frowned.



"Huh?"



The man sighed and shook his head. He reached into his pockets, and pulled out some Lien notes.



"Here," he stated, "They're old, but they should be good. Go buy a train ticket. Also?"



He grabbed Jaune's Scroll, and pressed it against his.



"Hey!" Jaune growled. "What's the big idea-?!"



The man handed it back to Jaune. Jaune looked through his files.



"What did you add to...?"



His eyes widened.



"Atlasian and Mistralian combat guides," the man stated blandly, "Combined with your mom's training and you should be able to manage the initiation at Beacon."



Jaune gaped up at the stranger in utter disbelief.



"I... Huh?! How did you know-?!"



"Don't. Ask," the man growled. He shook his head. "All you need to know is that you need to get to Beacon, and you need to get in. All right?"



"I... But why-?"



The man glared at him from behind his sunglasses.



"Your dream is to be a hero, isn't it?"



Jaune stared back. The way the man said it carried a... A sadness. A nostalgia. A regret that touched him deep in his soul.



"It is," he confirmed.



"Well then... Go to Beacon. Get in. And you will be a hero. I promise you," the man stated firmly. Jaune nodded seriously.



"All right... I will."



He turned, began to walk away... Then stopped short. He looked back and coughed.



"Uh... Which way to the train station?'



The older man groaned and facepalmed.



"Let me guess... You don't even have your Aura unlocked, do you?" He asked.



Jaune coughed.



"Er, well..."



The man walked up to Jaune and placed his hand over his chest. A surge of Aura energy raced between them, and Jaune's world changed. He felt stronger, lighter, and more energetic.



"There you go," the man stated.



"Isn't... Isn't there a ritual or words you have to say?" Jaune asked as some distant memory tried to shake itself loose in his head.



The man shook his head.



"Abrakadabra. There you go, kid. Now get going!"



"I... Thanks!" Jaune said. He frowned.



"Er... Will I ever see you again?"



The man laughed without any humor.



"Oh... The ways things go in my life? Probably..."



"What's your name, anyway? Are you a relative of mine?" Jaune asked.



The man grimaced as though in pain, before he shrugged.



"Uh... Sort of... Just call me..."



He paused in thought, before he finished his sentence.



"Doctor Knowall."



Jaune squinted.



"That sounds... Extremely fake."



Doctor Knowall smacked the back of Jaune's head.



"OW!"



"Don't talk back to your elders, kid!"



- - -



Doctor Jaune Arc, Age 26, watched his younger self wave from the train window as it set off on its journey for Vale. He managed a quick wave back, while staring intently at his hand.



So far, nothing was happening. He wasn't fading out of existence. And yet...



He sighed as he recalled the words of the mysterious woman in the future... His future.



He'd been in the ruins of Atlas and Mantle to try and help any survivors after Salem devastated it. He'd found what he had thought was a mirror, but... It had taken him somewhere else.



Somewhere time did not behave properly.



Now? Now he was here, in the past. In his timeline, he'd run back home when the Ursa attacked and his parents had caught him. His mother had practically frogmarched him to the university and there he'd studied. He'd gotten his doctorate, just as mom had wanted...



All while the world around them fell and burned. The Grimm ruled. And all hope seemed to be lost.



The woman in the other world had told him... Told him he was one of many keys. Keys that could save Remnant, save all life.



His past self going to Beacon was one of those keys... But there were many others.



Others Jaune Arc had to find.



"Which means," he sighed, "I've gotta get to Beacon, too."



He held up his Scroll. The hacking programs he and his team of survivors had used to get into the old networks did just as good a job at hacking today's fully functional CCTNet. In moments, he was in Beacon's databases.



Let's see... Transcripts for Jaune Arc? Cleared and accepted. Test scores, cleared...



He had aced those exams in his own timeline, after all. As scatterbrained as his younger self was, he wasn't a total idiot.



And... Let's see... Applications for new medical assistant?



He frowned, but mentally shrugged. It wouldn't do to look a gift horse in the mouth.



All right... A little touching up and... There we go. Doctor Knowall is all set to have a job interview with Professor Goodwitch in Vale.



He sighed and rubbed his ragged clothing.



Gonna need to dress up... Wanna make a good first impression.



- - -



In the grand tradition of Professor Arc (but with a twist), I bring you: Doctor Arc/Knowall. Sent back in time from the Ever After to fix the disasterous turns the timeline took because Jaune Arc didn't get to Beacon Academy.



Now this older Jaune Arc has his mother's skill set: Incredible healing abilities with his Aura Amp and the ability to boost his strength and other physical attributes with Aura to massive amounts. As well as very extensive medical training.



And while he has a few clues as to where he needs to intervene from the Blacksmith, he's still got to piece them together himself.



In the meantime, there is now a VERY hot male doctor on staff at Beacon that all the young ladies take a keen interest in.



His alias is based on Grimm Tales 098: Doctor Know-All.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

When Isabel Arc takes over as the substitute combat teacher to give Glynda a vacation...

Isabel: Watching Jaune and Cardin fight, she sighs "Time out!" She walks out between the combatants "Honestly Jaune, what are you doing?"

Jaune: "Er... Fighting?"

Isabel: "Yes, I can see that. You're using Miss Nikos' fighting style, which is good for the basics. You've done well to learn those."

Jaune: "I uh, I had a good teacher."

Pyrrha: Smiles

Isabel: "However, going beyond the basics in that fighting style isn't going to work for you, Jaune. You're a close range tank and support, she's a multiple range high mobility damage dealer. Honestly, don't you remember anything I taught you?"

Jaune: "Mom-Er, Professor, what does medicine have to do with this?"

Isabel: sigh "Honestly... You need to stop overthinking things and use your aggression and your knowledge. For instance... Mister Winchester!"

Cardin: "Yes ma'am?"

Isabel: "Good technique, good strength, good zoning! You will make a formidable tank for your team."

Cardin: smug "Thank you ma'am."

Isabel: "However... Would you swing at me?"

Cardin: "Uh, ma'am?"

Isabel: "Humor me."

Cardin swings his mace. Isabel easily dodges out of the way, and then holds Cardin's mace. She points at his elbows

Isabel: "See, Jaune?"

Jaune: Blink blink "... Ohhhh!"

Isabel: "Yes, we only went over it a hundred times!"

Jaune: "I-Sorry, I got a little overwhelmed-"

Isabel: "Don't be sorry, do it properly!"

Jaune: "Yes Mom-Er, Professor!"

Isabel: "There we go! Sorry about that, Mister Winchester."

Cardin: "Uh, no problem ma'am."

Isabel steps back and smiles.

Isabel: "Resume!"

Cardin swings aggressively at Jaune... Who sidesteps and rams his sword up against his elbow, nearly snapping it

Cardin: "GAHHHHHH! OH SHIT AAUUUGH-!"

Isabel: "While Aura does protect you from many injuries and regenerates them, there are places on a human or Faunus body that can be overstressed with the proper application of force. More experienced fighters will avoid taking hits like this, because having to heal such injuries burns through your Aura faster and really, really hurts."

Jaune continues to press his advantage, beating the CRAP out of Cardin by hitting his joints and nerve clusters

Isabel: "And clever fighters can take advantage of this. But be warned! Just as clever fighters can counter this and turn it back on you."

Jaune gets slammed back by a wild swing of Cardin's mace

Isabel: "Sometimes the only way to win is to be more determined and aggressive than the other. You can't let your opponent dictate the fight, you have to take the initiative. If you can't though? There's no shame in retreating, training harder, and coming back again. And it always pays to fully understand your strengths and weaknesses."

Jaune barely ekes out a win against Cardin, knocking him out of the ring. He pants hard.

Isabel: beams "Very good, Jaune! Though your form is still very sloppy, you did manage to win. This round. Don't get cocky."

Jaune: "Yes Mom... Professor."

Pyrrha is so proud. The rest of JNPR and RWBY are very impressed.

Isabel: "Mister Winchester! You did fight well. You just got taken by surprise, but you tried to adapt so that's good! Next time, hit him even harder."

Cardin: glares "Oh, I intend to."

Jaune: wince

After the rest of the class goes and fights...

Isabel: "Now... I think it would be good for you all to have combat training buddies you don't normally fight with outside of class! Your assignment this week will be to meet with your training buddy at least twice for a sparring match. I want you to write or record your fights and find your strengths and weaknesses, and help each other come up with ways to overcome them. Jaune Arc?"

Jaune: "Yes Professor?"

Isabel: "You'll be paired with..."

Pyrrha waits in anticipation.

Isabel: "Yang Xiao-Long!"

Pyrrha: "Huh?!"

Yang: "Woohoo!"

Jaune: "Er, Professor?"

Isabel: "Hm? Oh, the reasoning is very simple, Jaune. You're both close range tank fighters, but Yang needs more balance in her aggression and you need more aggression. You'll help shore up eachother's weaknesses very well."

Yang: "And I want to learn those nerve strikes, Stud!"

Jaune: "Stud? What happened to Vomit Boy?"

Yang: grins and sidles up to him "You just got promoted!"

Pyrrha: Twitch

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Nick leads his class out to Emerald Forest to study some Grimm in the field.

Nick: "I survived in the wilds with my master for about ten years, fighting Grimm! So, we're going to go find some Grimm and you guys will tell me all about them and how to kill them!"

Jaune is tense.

Ruby: "Are you okay, Jaune?"

Jaune: "J-Just fine..."

Pyrrha: "Are you sure?"

Jaune: twitch

Nick: "So! The girl who does best in class today gets a date with my son!"

Jaune: "DAD!"

Weiss: "I thought we were supposed to be rewarded for trying our best."

Jaune: "HEY!"

Nick: "All right, the girl who does worst gets a date with my son!"

Jaune: "DAD!"

Nick: "Or boy. You know son, going out with a bro on a man-date can be fun too!"

Even Cardin can't help but feel some pity for Jaune, as the blond boy's eyes twitch dangerously.

The students work together and kill some Grimm. Yang and Jaune are paired up again, and work well together.

Yang: "Sooo... That's your Dad?"

Jaune: Groans a yes

Yang: "So that's where all the dorkiness and height came from?"

Jaune: sighs "... Yes."

Yang: "Aw, cheer up Stud! My dad's pretty embarrassing too!"

Jaune: "Yeah, but he's not here."

Nick heads over to Jaune and Yang and smiles.

Nick: "Hey you two! Great job! You make a good team!"

Jaune: "Thanks Dad."

Yang: "Thanks, Mister Arc!"

Pyrrha and Ruby are glaring nearby.

Yang: "So, how much like you is your son, Mister Arc?"

Nick: "Actually he takes more after his mother in temperament and smarts! Which is great! You know he always read the instruction manuals for anything we put together! That was really great for the tractor! HA! I put the engine in upside down, can you believe it?"

Jaune: haunted look "Yes Dad. I remember."

Nick: "Boy your mom wasn't happy about that!"

Jaune: "No. No, she wasn't."

A gigantic Nevermore, twice the size of the one RWBY fought in initiation, dives upon the students with a shriek. Everyone gets ready to fight. Nick scowls.

Nick: "Oh, hang on..." Swings his sword, unleashes an Aura enhanced Slash/railgun blast that annihilates the Grimm. He then resumes smiling. "There we go! Now, back onto the class topic...!"

Weiss: "Wha... HOW...?!"

Cardin: "Holy shit that was awesome!"

Yang: "Super awesome!"

Nick: "Thanks! Hmmm... You know son, I wanted to teach you how to do that. Your mom wouldn't let me, but since you're here... You want to learn?"

Despite his embarrassment, he smiles in awe and respect at his father.

Jaune: "Yes Dad. I have wanted to learn how to do that forever."

Nick: "Don't worry son, you'll learn! I have every confidence in you!"

Jaune: beams "Thanks Dad."

Nick: "You're welcome son." Manly father hug!

Jaune: "URK! D-Dad... Not in front of my friends!"

Nick: "Oh come on, what's wrong with a dad hugging his son in front of his friends? Everyone likes hugs!"

Nick sets Jaune down and chuckles.

Yang: "Sooo... That date thing still grand prize for doing our best, Mister Arc?"

Nick: "Absolutely!"

Yang: Red Eyes, Aura Flares like a Bonfire around her "Super."

Jaune: Gapes as Yang charges in and starts annihilating Grimm

Pyrrha: "Oh no you don't!" She charges in after

Ruby: "You won't beat me!" And ditto

Nick: "Hahaha! Careful son! You don't want to be a heartbreaker!"

Jaune: groans

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Isabel and Nick would also help a few students with their hand to hand combat skills. I figured Isabel's combat style is a mixture of a few disciplines:



-Kickboxing and Muay Thai since she can use all her limbs for maximum damage, high speed movement, and she can boost her strength to monstrous levels.



-Some jujutsu for takedowns and redirecting force, as well as grabbing opponents to inflict "status effects" on them with her medical knowledge.



-Some taekwondo, especially the focus on "relaxing" the body between movements. This allows her to regenerate her injuries and then power up for another round of combat.



Her main weakness is range: Other than throwing objects, she can't hit anything that isn't in melee range. While she can sprint very quickly, she can't outrun bullets. So despite her impressive ability to regenerate from damage, you hit her enough at range or pin her down with heavy ordnance, you can take her down.



Nick Arc's fighting style is definitely different:



-German Longsword is his primary fighting style with his railgun sword: Kunst des Fechtens: The Medieval Art of Longsword Combat. It relies on a few basic forms of attack and guard that the user extrapolates and builds upon with experience and creativity. It is a very fast, very offense focused combat style, that makes use of the sword's reach, mass, and the user's armor. It's meant to end fights fast, and in combination with the railgun and his Aura slashes, is utterly devastating at close range or against massed enemies.



-For hand-to-hand he relies on good old boxing, the sweet science, and like any swordsman has very good footwork. He also uses wrestling moves for takedowns to neutralize enemies with superior strength.



Like his wife, his main weakness is range: His Aura Slashes and Railgun blasts are devastating at short to medium range, but aren't very precise and are very destructive. He also is at a disadvantage against small, very fast and agile opponents who can get inside his guard, or in enclosed spaces where he can't maneuver very well. He also can't regenerate as easily as his wife, though thanks to his armor and Aura he can tank more whereas she is much more maneuverable.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Ruby stared at one of Jaune's sisters, Orchid. Orchid stared back through her glasses. She reached up and adjusted her frames.

Orchid: "Would you like to help me do maintenance on a Galatine 233 Autocannon?"

Ruby: "... Does it have the auto-targeting upgrade system?"

Orchid: "Yes. It also needs calibration."

Ruby: sparkling eyes "I would love to!"

Orchid: "..." small smile "Good."

- - -

Lilac: "Would you like to learn how to cook, Pyrrha? I taught Jaune and he really loves it when I cook-"

Pyrrha: "Y-Yes! I mean, um... I've never learned. And I would love to!"

Lilac: "Certainly! Let's start off with something simple: Eggs!"

Five minutes later... The kitchenette is on fire.

Pyrrha: "OH NO!"

Lilac: "Oh dear... Aqua!"

Aqua summons water to douse the flames... And everyone else.

Lilac: "Well... Thank you Aqua. Can you please remove the water now?"

Aqua: "Is this the thanks I get for saving your life? The Great and Powerful Aqua, Goddess of Healing, deserves better than-!"

Lilac glares pure DEATH at Aqua. She squeaks and all the water is removed and flies out the window.

Aqua: "No problem, dear sister! Just glad you're okay!"

Lilac: all smiles "That's my wonderful sister!"

Pyrrha: stares "Wait... You're sweet and kind... And yet... Assertive?"

Lilac: "Would you like to learn?"

Pyrrha: "YES."

- - -

Weiss confronts Tangerine "Tanya" Arc.

Weiss: "You're a murderer!"

Tanya: "No, I run a paramilitary operation to protect valuable settlements, facilities, and caravans from being attacked. Killing bandits is just part of business."

Weiss: "Well what about these assassinations, huh?!"

Tanya: "What? Remove the crime lords ordering all this nonsense and people who just want to make money can do that freely!"

Weiss: "And what about THESE killings, huh?! You didn't target gangsters!"

Weiss holds up a holoprojection. Tanya reads it, thinks about it, and nods.

Tanya: "Oh. Those were scam artists peddling NFTs and Crypto-currencies."

Weiss: "... Well... Huh."

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Yang was stalking back and forth in front of Blake in the otherwise empty RWBY dormroom. She growled and shook her fists in the air.

"UGGGGGGGHHH! What the hell am I doing wrong?! I am literally the hottest girl here! A blonde bombshell!"

Blake turned a page in her book, and slammed her fist down on the desk in anger.

"And yet he can't take a damn HINT!" Yang growled.

Blake turned another page as Yang continued her rant.

"What do I have to do, jump him while naked?!" She glared over at Blake. "Blake! Aren't you going to say anything?!"

"I'm not going to interrupt your rant," Blake said dryly. Yang pushed her book down. Blake scowled back.

"You've had a boyfriend!"

"And you don't want my experience, it won't help," Blake stated, pulling her book back up to her face. Yang pushed it back down.

"Well who else am I gonna go to? Professor Goodwitch?" Yang demanded.

Blake heaved a long sigh. She closed her book and thought about things.

"One, he's very conservative and old fashioned. Two, he probably doesn't want to be torn apart by all the other girls with an interest in him."

Yang slammed her fist into her palm confidently.

"We could take 'em!"

Blake raised an eyebrow.

"Including Pyrrha?"

Yang faltered, but got herself back together as she scowled.

"... Cross that bridge when we come to it. But seriously?! Is him asking me out on one date too much for him?!"

Blake hummed, holding her book to her chest as she considered things. In a moment, an idea flashed in her yellow eyes.

"You know... He's been out on the frontier. Probably ran into a lot of aggressive prostitutes trying to take advantage of a young, inexperienced boy. You should try something he'd feel more comfortable with."

Yang scowled at her… But her eyes were curious.

"Such as...?"

Blake wore a little smile.

- - -

Jaune woke up early, as he always did. He eased out of bed, taking care not to wake his friends up. He walked to the door, opened it, and made it to the common room. He could smell breakfast being cooked. He could hear Yang humming, and see part of her blonde hair.

"Good morning, Miss Xiao-Long. Thought I was supposed to cook-?"

He went around the kitchenette… And stopped cold. His jaw dropped. His cheeks went bright red at the sight.
.
"Good morning Sweetie!!" Yang was in a yellow house dress... With an apron... And her hair up in a red bandanna. She beamed like the sun at the slack jawed Jaune.

"Just sit right down, Jaune. Your food will be ready soon."

Coyly, she walked up and pushed his jaw closed. Her fingers lingered only for a moment, before she turned and went back to the stove.

"I-sure, Miss Xiao Long. I-I thought it was my turn to cook today?" He mumbled. "I-I mean uh, I-I said that…"

Yang looked back over her shoulder and tossed him a wink.

"I just decided I'd give you a break. Now sit down, I'll pour you some coffee."

Numbly, he sat down at the table. His eyes just wouldn't break contact from Yang.

"T-Thank you," he stuttered.

It wasn't like Jaune was sexist or anything, he's met plenty of ladies who fight just as well as the menfolk and he would never disrespect them. Hell, his mom was strong enough to smash a tractor flat with her fist. However… A woman choosing to take care of her man and show her affection in this way?

Well... It was mighty hard to ignore.

Yang bustled back over with the pot, and bent over slightly to pour the coffee right into his waiting mug. He could see sweat sliding down her perfect neck into her dress…

He gulped.

"I uh… I-I 'preciate it Miss Xiao Long but I'm not one to shy away from honest work. Let me make it up to you."

Yang smiled sunnily at him.

"Oh? How would you do that?"

"I-I uh… I uh…"

She leaned in again, and reached out to rest her hand on his palm. The contact was electric as their Auras interacted. It was warm and his heart was beating a mile a minute.

Yang cutely reached up and adjusted a lock of her hair, putting it behind her ear. He couldn't remember seeing a woman look so beautiful before.

"Uh… Um… Wh-What… What would you… L-Like me to do?" He stuttered.

Yang's warm sunny smile gained the hunger of a dragon.

"Well-"

The doors to the RWBY and JNPR dorms slammed open, and the rest of the teams filed in. Ruby led her team, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. Pyrrha led the other, yawning a bit while still in her pajamas.

Both groups stopped short and stared at the scene before them.

"Morn…Ing?" Ruby managed. "Yang, what are you wearing?"

Yang pulled back from Jaune, still smiling warmly.

"Oh, I just felt like a change," she said with a chuckle, "My little sister's growing up and I'm feeling like an empty nester!"

She walked up and hugged Ruby, which the smaller girl was extremely annoyed by.

"Yang! Cut it out! I'm not a kid anymore!" Ruby whined.

Pyrrha's gaze was fixed on Jaune, whose gaze was locked on Yang. She cleared her throat… Then cleared it again.

"Jaune?"

"Huh?" He started and looked over at Pyrrha. "Oh, uh, g-good morning Pyrrha! Nora! Ren!"

He looked over at RWBY, where Weiss was glaring death at Yang while Blake covered up her mouth to hide her smirk.

"G-Good morning Ruby! Weiss! Blake!"

"Good morning," Weiss said sourly, eyes narrowed at Yang, "How nice to see you looking almost respectable, Yang."

"Well," Yang tossed her hair back and smirked, "Jaune seems to like it. Don't you Jaune?"

Jaune felt like a lightning bolt was about to strike, given the female ire that seemed to electrify the air around him. Pyrrha's smile was utterly terrifying, as Weiss and Ruby's glares seemed ready to burn him alive. Yang's smirk was utterly unrepentant, and only grew worse when she saw his eyes were still locked onto her.

Ren looked like he was praying for Jaune's soon to be departed soul, while Nora had gotten popcorn from somewhere and was eating it messily.

Well… If I am to die, I'll die an honest man, he thought.

"Um… Y-Yes, I think you look very pretty," he said carefully.

"Aw, aren't you sweet?" Yang gushed, bustling back over to hug him. She made especially sure to press his face into her apron covered bosom. "Such a gentleman!"

The female ire only seemed to increase. Yet Jaune could not escape. Her warmth, her smile, and her domestic goddess nature were all a perfect trap.

"And don't worry about what I want," She murmured to him, "I'll definitely let you know~."

"Uh… Uh huh," Jaune managed a slow nod.

- - -

 

[SharkCultist]

The hilarious idea of Jaune finding out before beacon that huntsmen have "cool super powers and some kinda aura thingies"

And tries to figure it out himself and just keeps stumbling into other power systems and seeding them around remnant.

Ironwood: What the fuck is Mantra?

Soldier: I DINT FUCKING KNOW BUT THIS BULL FAUNUS JUST GREW FOUR MORE FUCKING ARMS. I NEED MEN!

~

Neptune: what's going on buddy?

*Sun is floating*

Sun: I have achieved enlightenment brother.

Neptune: oh this is going to end great I can already tell.

Sun: Tell me brother what makes a catgirl? Is it the ears? The tail? Is it a little nya sound?

Neptune: I figured it was the cat parts yes.

Sun: No brother it is the attitude! Any girl can put in a headband or a butt plug tail and call themselves a catgirl, but they need a cats attitude or it's just shitty cosplay.

Neptune: right I'm just gonna go.

*Neptune slowly backs out of the room*

Sage: so did you actually achieve some kinda enlightenment or what?

Sun: nah some dude at the park was teaching this Ki stuff and how to fly and I figured I could use it to mess with Neptune.

Sage: you truly are enlightened.

 

[The Sleepless One]

So, here's part 1 of 3 a write-up for Oz and Salem's backstory I've been putting together to replace the backstory given in canon.
Please read this in the voice of Logan Cunningham as the Narrator/Homer from Hades.

---

The Lost Fable: Soulmates

Long ago, before this world was ever known as Remnant, there lived a boy who dreamed of being a hero. A cunning child with a gift for magic, he desired to be a Spellblade in the service of the God of Light, a wandering Paladin who protected the innocent and destroyed the guilty. He trained for years, passed the trials, and became the youngest to ever swear the Oaths. A boy no longer, the young man wandered the world, going wherever his heart pleases and righting wrongs as he went. He slew dragons, negotiated peace, broke curses and so much more. Years passed, his legend grew and soon taverns, mead halls, and tea houses all across the world rang with the tales of Ozma, the Great and Powerful.

Long ago, when magic still suffused this world, there lived a girl who dreamed of freedom. The only living child of a Mad King who had lost everything, she was kept under lock and key in tower for her own protection. All she had ever known were the walls of her home, but the stories in her books and the tales told to her by her caretakers ignited a longing in her heart, to see the fantastical world she had only ever heard of. So, she hatched a plan. Using her magic, she spread the tale of a princess imprisoned by an evil king, who awaited a hero to rescue her. Whichever kind soul succeeded would be worthy of the hand of Salem, the Girl in the Tower.

Many would-be heroes stormed the prison, but none succeeded in freeing the princess, struck down by her zealous father and his guards. Salem had all but given up hope when a hero, a true hero, appeared.

Ozma, the Great and Powerful, had come.

First, he tried to convince the Mad King to let his daughter go, but was rebuffed at every turn. He struck down the gates of the keep, and beseeched the Mad King once more. Instead, the monarch summoned his Royal Guards to kill the interloper. For hours, Ozma, armed with staff and blade, clashed with the King's elite and proved their better. The King, incensed beyond reason, engaged the hero in a duel of gramarye that could be seen and heard for leagues around. For three days and three nights, the Mad King and the Hero fought, until, on the dawn of the fourth day, Ozma cast the sovereign down from the skies and stood victorious. But Ozma was yet mortal and soon succumbed to exhaustion, falling into a deep slumber at the foot of Salem's Tower.

The princess had not been idle during the battle and as soon as the fighting subsided, had made to steal away from her prison. But, as she stepped foot outside of her tower, Salem's eyes fell upon the sleeping countenance of Ozma, and discovered that all her plans were for naught, for something happened that she could never have anticipated.

She fell in love.

When Ozma awoke, it was to the gently smiling face of the princess, who had spirited him away from the ruins of her erstwhile home. And Ozma, the Dragonslayer, the Peacebringer, the Cursebreaker, who had traveled the length and breadth of the world many times and experienced more in a single lifetime than most men experience in a dozen, found himself doing something he had never expected.

He fell in love.

The two clasped hands, staring deeply into each other's eyes.

"Why did you rescue me?" Salem asked. "Was it for the fame? The riches? My hand?"

"No," Ozma answered. "For none of that. I rescued you, because it was the right thing to do."

"Then... what do we do now?" Salem asked, fearfully.

Ozma smiled. "Whatever you wish."

With the defeat of the Mad King and the rescue of the Girl in the Tower, Ozma's legend grew to even greater heights. His deeds were sung in the haunts of the low and the palaces of the high alike but they were only the prelude to a greater story.

Free to explore the extent of her magic for the first time and with the tutelage of the greatest wizard of the age, the former Princess's powers grew tenfold and soon eclipsed those of her husband, just as her legend grew intertwined with his.

For the tales that followed spoke not only of the Wizard Ozma but also his fair companion and wife, the Good Witch. She who shattered a castle and built a city from the rubble. The queller of storms and the liberator of slaves. The one who fashioned an oasis as thanks for the assistance of the desert tribes and the one who eradicated a royal bloodline for crimes against humanity.

She was Salem, the Just and Kind.

For years, the Sorceress and her Wizard wandered the world, righting wrongs and taking solace in their love. Despite the strife inherent to their way of life, they were content and it seemed that they had found their happily ever after.

And yet, it was not to be, for the fate of all mortals came to pass.

Ozma, the Wizard, the Great and Powerful, the Bane of Evil, and the Champion of Good, sickened and died.

And Salem despaired.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

It wasn't often Yang cooked anymore. It had sucked really, being the only one able to make meals when Dad just shut down and Ruby was hungry. Still, she'd gotten pretty good at it and she couldn't say she didn't appreciate the skills she'd gained. Beacon meals and some fast food were sufficient, but sometimes a gal just needed to cook some comfort food.

Rather than spoil her fashionable clothing with grease, she donned an apron and tied her hair back. She cooked the hamburger steaks with the ease of long practice and enjoyed the smell as they sizzled in her custom sauce.

It wasn't a very complicated recipe, but it was comforting.

The door to the common room opened. She jumped.

"Hey, what smells so good-Oh! Oh, hey Yang..."

Yang looked over and smiled at Jaune. The resident dorky knight stared intently at her.

"Hey VB. Thought you were headed out to Vale?"

"I uh... J-Just... Um..." Jaune stuttered. Yang frowned.

"What?"

"You look uh... Um..." Jaune gestured a bit. Yang shrugged.

"What? I can be domestic."

Her eyes narrowed. Jaune looked nervous. More nervous than usual, honestly.

"Something wrong with me dressing like this?" She demanded.

"No! No, no, of-of course not!" Jaune said quickly, waving his hand, "Ah, it's just... Um... Unexpected! Th-That's all!"

His voice cracked a bit. Yang snickered.

"What, do I look like your mom or something?"

"Uh... Um..." Jaune shrugged. "I-I mean... Kind of... In a good way."

"So, I look good?" Yang asked, smirking at him. She checked her hamburger steaks-Yup, just fine. She could tease Jaune a little, that was always fun.

"Y-yeah. Very good," Jaune confirmed. Yang sauntered up to him, swinging her hips. She smirked playfully.

"Oh? How good? Good enough to eat~?"

"Uhhh..." Jaune tried.

Oh this was priceless. The way he was staring and stuttering like some twelve year old with his first boner! And of course, there was some pride involved. After all, why would he crush on Weiss when she was right there?

"Or are you imagining me welcoming you home, darling~?" She crooned. "Would you like dinner, a bath, or...?" And here she scooted right up and pressed her chest against his, grinning up into his eyes.

"Me~?"

HA! Oh man he is going to faint! He is gonna run! He is-

His lips pressed against hers. Warmth flooded her body as he kissed her.

He... He's kissing me, her brain thought in a detached sort of way, He's... Kissing me... He's kissing me?!

And it was... Good?! His tongue was trying to batter down her lips. It just tapped for entry and instinctively, she opened up. Their tongues touched, she sucked in a heated breath through her nostrils and-

Jaune pulled away. They both panted.

"I uh... I um..." Jaune coughed, red-faced. "... Bye!"

He fled, leaving Yang staring after him. She panted for breath softly. She slowly reached up and touched her lips. They still tingled from the kiss.

"... Wait, what?!"

 

[AndrewJTalon]

- - -



Pyrrha Nikos had never been in love before. Not really. Oh she'd had crushes on boys from afar, admired a few of her male opponents, but this... This was different. She knew it deep down inside. Jaune liked her. Not the image of her, not her accomplishments, her. She in turn saw he was a good man, noble, brave, and kind.



It may have been her first love, but she knew what it was. It was not just eros, as her Hellenic forebears described it. They had fought together, laughed together, and sang together. It was deeper. It could be agape, true and unconditional love.



Not that Pyrrha wanted it to be agape only, of course! She wanted the eros part just as badly!



Therein lay the problem though: Jaune Arc was a desirable man. On Remnant, over fifty percent of the population was female, as males died with more frequency than females. This meant competition was harsh for such men.



Already, Pyrrha knew her opponents. This was an arena she couldn't simply bash her way through, or Jaune would already be hers.



(She did feel a bit guilty over thinking of Jaune as a prize, but... It wasn't like she was going to put him into a cabinet somewhere! She would be his prize as well! Their love would be a constant reward! Filled with love, laughter, tears, children!)



Yang Xiao-Long had changed the nature of the game. Boldly, she had made her intentions clear by playing the domestic homemaker for Jaune! HA! Like that would last with how flighty the girl was.



Weiss Schnee too was a contender. Pyrrha had originally written her off, but no! The white haired heiress too saw something in Jaune worth fighting for!



Blake Belladonna? She didn't know what her intentions were, but the Faunus Princess could not be discounted.



Finally, Ruby Rose was trying to connect with Jaune too. He still saw her as a little sister, but her tenacity could not be denied!



These were just the women Pyrrha knew about! How many others saw Jaune as a prize worth fighting for?!



This was a fight she was ill prepared for. She needed time to improve her game: Time she didn't have. She needed more, she needed to compete and ensure Jaune knew she was worthy of consideration!



But how?



She pondered this carefully, seeing the romantic as a battlefield. As a great Mistralian philosopher once said, win the battle in your mind and heart and the rest will follow.



"Hmm..."



The only ones she could rely on were Nora and Ren, who were too obviously involved to be a threat. Yet she hesitated. They were also friends with her competitors. She was their friend as well, she supposed, yet they were still in competition.



What did Pyrrha Nikos do better than they did in the arena of romantic combat?



"Hmmm..."



"Pyrrha?"



"Ah!" Pyrrha gasped, shaken from her meditation on her bed. She looked up at the object of her desires, standing in front of her in his usual get up. He smiled.



"Sorry, didn't mean t' interrupt yer musings," he said gently. Pyrrha shook her head.



"No... It's fine," she said, "Did you need something?"



"Well, I was hoping you would be free to train today," Jaune said with a smile.



Pyrrha smiled back, though inwardly she remained depressed. Certainly, she and Jaune trained extensively. He was a quick learner and she was glad to be his mentor. Yet it all remained so very platonic...



"I am, Jaune," Pyrrha said with a nod. Jaune sighed.



"Thank you for putting in so much effort. I know I ain't where I need to be, but your patience is amazing. Especially since I ain't helping you any."



"It's a pleasure to train with you, Jaune," Pyrrha replied with a smile. It was not a lie: Teaching Jaune gave her insight into her own combat forms, and his sheer grit and determination meant he had to be innovative. He hadn't beaten her, yet, but his tactical know how meant he could if he had the right tools...



An idea crystallized in her mind in a single, perfect moment. As though the gods had blessed her with insight. She smiled up at Jaune.



"Actually. There is a way you could help me," she said carefully, keeping her excitement under tight control.



Jaune raised an eyebrow.



"How so?"



- - -



Some time later, outside, Pyrrha and Jaune circled one another. She had Milo and Akuo out, and her keen eyes were locked onto Jaune. Jaune for his part had his trusty revolver in one hand, and his rope in the other.



Pyrrha charged, crossing the distance in next to no time to swung Milo for Jaune's head. He ducked and fired, blasting up a huge dust cloud with his powerful Blast Dust bullet.



In that brief moment, between the noise, the dust, and the shockwave, Pyrrha was stunned.



She felt rope wrap around her legs and yank her off her feet. She slammed into the ground with a grunt, and felt Jaune pounce on her. She struggled and thrashed, but his hands were too fast and her arms were bound.



The dust cleared... And Pyrrha Nikos, the Invincible Girl, was tied up and lying on the ground.



She grinned giddily into the dirt, before she looked up with a smile.



"V-Very good, Jaune!" She complimented him. "I can't sense the rope with Polarity at all!"



Jaune sighed, and nodded. He tipped his hat up as he looked at her thoughtfully.



"That's true Pyrrha. But you can still summon yer weapons with yer Semblance. Or lock onto the metal on me to use against me. Even that window of stunning you is short enough you could fight me off if we weren't training."



"No, but now we know how someone could bring me down," Pyrrha said eagerly, "And that's one step closer to figuring out how to counter it. You also shouldn't sell yourself short: I'm sure if we were in a real fight, you could figure out how to get around that, too."



Jaune smiled warmly.



"Shucks... Thanks, Pyrrha. I-I have some ideas. They'll be good counters if anyone else figures you out."



"They will," Pyrrha said demurely. She beamed up at him, her cheeks bright red. "Thank you... It's been a-a very long time since anyone made me feel... Vulnerable."



"Er, well," Jaune winced, "I'm awful sorry-"



"Don't be," Pyrrha said, "This is to help me get stronger and... And I trust you."



She blushed and looked aside. Yet a coy look came to her face.



"You could take advantage of me right now... And I couldn't do a thing to stop it," she said softly.



Jaune knelt down, and tugged her up into a hug. He shook his head, his face deadly serious.



"I would never do such a thing, Pyrrha. I swear," he stated firmly.



Pyrrha mustered all of her courage.



"... I... I know. Though um... I-I might not mind if... Um..."



Jaune gaped. His face turned as red as the setting sun. Pyrrha blushed deeply, and couldn't meet his eyes. Yet she could feel his heartbeat race, and that was very gratifying.



"Um... S-Sorry if that's a bit forward, but... I um..."



Hooves thundered on the ground. A familiar chestnut mare charged into view, grabbed onto Jaune's poncho with her teeth and yanked him away.



"ACK! HEY! ORLEANS! ORLEAAANNNNSSS!"



Pyrrha used brute strength to bust out of the ropes, and stood up. She glared after the galloping horse, who was absconding with Jaune. The horse shot her a side along glare back.



She had forgotten another rival. How sloppy of her.



She'd have to correct that.



In a way that didn't upset Jaune, of course.



- - -

Shyft Inspired this so I decided to give it a shot. Hope you enjoyed.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

After the final battle with Salem and the victory party...

Yang: "Blake! We won! We won and we're gonna... Gonna..."

She sees Blake kissing Sun.

Yang: "What... What is this?"

Blake: "Oh... Wow... Uh... Yang? This is what it looks like."

Yang: "What?!"

Blake: "Sooo... In order to become the ruler of Menagerie, I need to marry a man to give me children. And Sun's a Faunus so he won't be rejected! So I get the position and power and everything!"

Sun: "Pretty sweet, huh?"

Blake: "So... You can be my unofficial side piece? How's that?"

Yang: "Wha... I thought you loved me!"

Blake: "What? No! I thought it was just friends with benefits! That lovey dovey stuff-That was like, roleplaying, right?"

Yang's heart breaks. Her rage is about to break next.

Blake: "Oh hey, my mom's calling, later!" She and Sun flee

Jaune finds Yang drinking down booze in a shitty bar, looking morose and sobbing.

Jaune: "Yang?! What happened?"

Yang: "FUCK HER! I was... I WAS SO FUCKING STUPID!" sobs "She... She just... She ran away! SHE ALWAYS RUNS AWAY! WHY DID I THINK I'D BE DIFFERENT?!"

Jaune holds her. She struggles, but finally relents. Jaune pays the VERY large tab, and escorts her out.

Yang: sob "Everyone... Everyone leaves me... Everyone abandons me...! It's all my fault... It's me! It's all me!"

Jaune: "No it isn't!"

Yang: "Why haven't you left?! Why... Why haven't you gone back to Ruby? You... You and her... You're heroes... Weisscream's wet over you all the time...!"

Jaune: "They don't need me right now. You do, Yang." He hugs her "I care about you. All right?"

Yang: sniffle "... You... You'll never leave me?"

Jaune: "No. Not ever."

Yang: "How do I know that?!"

Jaune: "Because I'm here, Yang! I've always been here! I took you yelling at me when you lost your arm! I took it all! I did it... Because I care about you!"

Yang keeps crying, then nuzzles his neck.

Yang: "I'm sorry I was such a bitch... I'm sorry... I'm sorry about Pyrrha... I'm so, so sorry..."

Jaune: "Shhhh... It's all right, Yang. It's all right..."

Yang: "... I should have fallen in love with you... I was so stupid..."

Jaune: "... You still can, Yang. If you want."

Yang: "H-Huh...?"

Jaune: "I always admired you, Yang. I mean, I care about Ruby deeply but... But you make me laugh. You make me happy. You trained with me... I-I mean..." He shrugged "We've saved the world... We can afford to be honest, right?"

Yang: "... You would never leave me?"

Jaune: "You know me, Yang. I'll stick with you. No matter what you want to do. If you want to be friends? Well... That's fine. You want to be more? We'll do that."

Yang: "And what do you want?"

Jaune: "I want you to be safe and happy..."

Yang: "Then... Then be with me tonight... Fuck me."

Jaune: "Yang, you're hurt, you're drunk-"

Yang: "And I know what I want. Please, Jaune..."

Jaune: "... You might regret it-"

She kisses him deeply.

Yang: "Mmmm... We saved the world. Let's work out our regrets later..."

Later...

Yang: "And I'm pregnant."

Ruby: "What?!"

Yang: "With Jaune's child."

Jaune gapes in astonishment... Then hugs Yang and swings her around.

Jaune: "WOOHOOOOOOO!"

Yang: giggles

Jaune: "Marry me?"

Yang: "G-Geez! You're holding me up only to let me down with that lame proposal?"

Jaune drops her and kisses her deeply.

Yang: "Mmmm... That's more like it. And yes, I will marry you."

Jaune: "All right! We're gonna be siblings, Ruby!"

Ruby: "H-Hooray...?"

She watches them go happily and sighs.

Ruby: "Isn't there a nice man out there for me?"

Whitley: "Hey Ruby. Want to do some engineering on this particle beam cannon, then go have dinner?"

Ruby: gasp "DO I!"

- - -

I mean it is a bit Blake Bashy, but hell, sometimes you don't want to redeem the Shitty Kitty. Sometimes you just want to let the canon roll to its inevitable conclusion.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

-Nick, Taiyang, Qrow, and Arjun having beer and various conversations outside of the Arc farmhouse or Beacon Academy ala King of the Hill might be fun:

Arjun: "So. Qrow. Sure you don't want to work for my royal guard?"

Tai: "Why would you want an alcoholic with the power of bad luck?"

Arjun: "I'd pay him to stay away."

Qrow: "I do that anyway for free... How much?"

Nick: "Dangit Arjun don't pay him to stay away if he'll do it for free."

Arjun: "True, true."

Qrow: "No no, come on."

Nick: "Don't you get paid well by Ozpin?"

Qrow: "I could be paid better."

Tai: "In that case, I would take the job without all the baggage."

Arjun: "No, you just have different baggage."

Tai: "Look who's talking Mister Broody King!"

Arjun: "I'm not so broody now, am I?"

Nick: "Guys, come on, we were talking about something else. Something important."

Arjun: "Ah, yes... Who wants to engage their daughters to my son?"

Tai: "Me! Me!"

Arjun: "I heard Nick say 'yes'."

Nick: "You gotta talk to Izzy, Arjun."

Arjun: "You're more convincing!"

Nick: "Don't you think I've tried?"

Tai: "Come on, Arjun! My girls would be great!"

Qrow: "You're offering them both?"

Tai: "They're that expensive."

Arjun: "In that case? No deal. Marry them to Jaune."

Nick: "I dunno. That boy ain't right."

Qrow: "Neither are you."

Nick: "Am too!"

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Jaune: "When I got out of the hospital after being born, my dad went and dragged a Deathstalker by the tail to town so the whole militia and anyone else could beat it up to celebrate. They then took photos with it after painting it pink to 'humiliate it'. They finally finished it off by blowing it up with Dust bombs and fireworks."



Yang: "... You have pictures?"



Jaune dutifully shows pictures of himself as a newborn, held between his happy parents... In front of a bound Deathstalker in makeup.



Blake: "... Why is dressed up like a whore?"



Jaune: "That's the only make up template my Dad knows."

 

[Fusion Blaster]

okay an idea I'd like to see someone tackle.

Nora notices Jaune and Ren get passed notes during class and both of them look at it then at each other nod and toss them to go off to talk tothe guy passing them the note.

Nora intercepts... and get surprisedby what it is. Team RWBY hotness ranking as noted by the boys of Beacon

Nora beiing the little shit stirrer decides to let team RWBY know about and thier somewhat suprpising rankings by thier peers.

A clear winner but a surprisingly close number 2 with 3 and 4 left in the dust.

Yang as the clear winner but commonly noted her overly compettive nature detreacts a bit.
Yang: I mean I am the obvious choice but overly competettive? WTF?

The surprisingly close 2? Ruby herself. She's just plain cute and a lof of the guys who picked her think she is just a growth spurt away from being as stacked as Yang, as they are sisters.
Ruby: EEEP

Blake lags far behind Ruby maybe by half as many votes. General consensus Hot but way too aloof with some sort of chip on her shoulder
Blake: .....
and in last even further back poor Weiss. The high maintance Ice Queen.
Weiss: HIGH MAINTANCE?! I AM REFINED AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS THE TREASURE I AM!

 

[Grrrrrrr]

White Knight Errant verse

If Aqua has been pushed into "Downriht livid", Kazuma gifts her one minute.

Specifically anything Aqua asks, Kazuma has to say "Yes goddess" to for one minute. And fulfill it.

(Based on a moment with Vtuber Vexoria and her husband Zolon. I'd link the video, but i'm pretty sure that it would violate something.)

With darkness and megumin mediating so things don't go too far

Aqua: Will you buy me a minibar?

Kazuma: Yes goddesss

Aqua: will you give me a massage tonight?

Kazuma: yes goddess

Aqua: Will you let me peg you?

Kazuma: *in tears* ye-he-hes goddess!

Aqua: Will you let me peg you in the maid outfit?!

Kazuma: *cringing* yes goddess!

Aqua: Will you take me to the Hot Springs for our anniversary?

Kazuma: Yes Goddess, *genuine confusion* why do you have to ask that?

Aqua: will you give me 100,000 Lien?!

Kazuma: gllrlrgh … yes goddess

Aqua: Can you say that again?

Kazuma: *in tears* ye-hehehes goddess.

 

[AndrewJTalon]

- - -



Jaune Arc was the mild mannered (mostly) Beacon student by day... And sometimes by night.



But at night... Also sometimes the day... He was THE HUNTSMAN! Vale's number one superhero!



With his trusty sidekick, Wonder Zwei, the intrepid duo stealthily climbed through the window of the Old Vale Manse, now the Federal Records Building, and crept through the shadows.



Huntsman and Wonder Zwei made it to an intersection of halls. The Huntsman turned to Zwei.



"Well, Wonder Zwei? Which way?" He asked.



"Arf," Zwei said, pointing to the right. The Huntsman frowned.



"The server room? All right! Let's see what this cyber criminal has in store with the storage of sensitive secrets!"



They leaped into action, charging down the hallway, waving at the security cameras, before finding the server room door ajar. Dramatically, the Huntsman and Wonder Zwei burst through the door, capes waving thanks to their quick sprints.



(In the absence of dramatic wind or fans, it was necessary to convey momentum to your capes. It was just tradition.)



"Stop right there you felonious... Feline?" Huntsman trailed off in shock.



In the center of the main server room was a shapely female form in a tight black leather. A black whip hung from her belt, resembling a cat's tail. Cat-like ears poked out of the top of her black mask, which was also leather. Frankly it looked like it was suffocating to wear, especially given the weather.



Then again, the tempting trespasser didn't seem to be bothered as she turned a sultry smirk towards the Valean Vanguard.



"Why hello, Huntsman~. I was hoping to run into you," she purred.



Wait... This is... YES! MY FIRST SUPERVILLAINESS! Jaune thought happily. Well, second. Or third? Does Neo count? Also Red Huntress is out there. What on Remnant is driving young ladies to a life of crime? Oh right, focus.



"Surrender and come quietly, miss... Uh..."



"Eidolon," the woman smirked. The Huntsman blinked.



"Er... Are you sure?"



Eidolon scowled.



"What? What's wrong with my supervillainess name, hm?"



"Well, I mean," Jaune shrugged, and gestured with his hand, "You have a cat theme going on so I kind of assumed-"



"What, just because I'm a cat-themed villainess I need a cat name?" The young lady demanded. The tone of her moral outrage was somehow familiar, but Huntsman didn't let that distract him.



"Well... I mean, it would make things easier," Huntsman said with a shrug.



"That's so stereotypical! Are you also going to assume I'm a cat Faunus?"



"Are you?" Jaune asked. "I didn't assume that!"



"Oh... Well..." Eidolon calmed herself, and resumed her sultry smirk. She rested a hand on her hip and raised her eyebrows at him.



"So nice of you to drop by, but you're too late! Soon, I will erase all the browser histories from all the computers in Vale! No nosy government workers or judgemental friends will ever see embarrassing porn histories ever again!"



Ah. The villain explaining their diabolical plan. This was much more his speed. It was even morally ambiguous! This was so exciting!



"While I appreciate that you respect people's privacy," Huntsman said, "And share a love for people's freedom of choice, breaking and entering is still a crime. I'm afraid I'll have to take you in."



"Oh really?" Eidolon said, gripping her whip with a confident smirk.



"Don't make this any harder than it has to be, Eidolon," Huntsman stated, in his gruffest vigilante voice.



"Why Huntsman! How hard do you want it to get?" Eidolon purred, sauntering up to him with swaying hips. Jaune did his very best not to blush behind his mask.



Oh Breaker above... She's flirting! I mean, I think Neo does that sometimes and maybe Red Huntress too, but wow! She's really blatant about it! Jaune thought happily. He then shook his head furiously to clear his thoughts. NO! I am a superhero! I can't be tempted by worldly desires!



He reached out to grab her wrists and pulled her close.



"Sorry. Not going to work," the Huntsman growled.



Eidolon smirked and pressed herself up against him.



"Oh? How about this~?"



Ohhh Table Breaker ohhh this is bad! Jaune thought as his blush could no longer be denied. He cleared his throat.



"Ah... Wonder Zwei?"



The Pooch of Power was typing on a laptop nearby.



"Arf!"



Jaune scowled.



"What do you mean you're blackmailing members of the Council?"



"Arf!"



"No you can't do it just because you disagree with the zoning laws! Do it the proper way! Bad dog!"



"Arf!"



"No I'm not flirting with her," Jaune again growled. Eidolon grinned.



"Doesn't seem that way to me, hero~," she crooned. "Why don't you join me and become a more morally ambiguous crusader for justice~? Who needs Lawful Good anyway?"



"Ugh, they keep making Neutral or Lawful Evil characters and it's become so boring," the Huntsman groaned, "I don't mind grittiness but when it's the only thing around? It all becomes the same. Like Ninjas of Love the graphic novel."



Eidolon's eyes widened and she grinned.



"Oh! Personally I thought some of the characters were a little too strait-laced and needed more ambiguity!"



"Maybe some of them, but they turned Satoshi into a creep, where before he was just deeply repressed," Huntsman argued back, "That changes the whole tone of his relationship with Maki and Sakura. Now it's like he was gaslighting them when he was just dealing with his childhood issues."



"I didn't see it that way," Eidolon huffed, "Though I will admit it made the scenes with his sensei, Yurika, a bit awkward."



A pause.



"The foursome was an unexpected but pleasant surprise."



"Really? I thought it was unnecessary fanservice," Huntsman said.



"Arf," Zwei said succinctly.



"We are not nerds!" Huntsman protested. The other door to the server room burst open, and a redheaded Huntress in Hellenic armor with red goggles and red cape appeared. Eidolon snarled.



"Red Huntress!"



"HAHA! I'm here to steal your crime, kitty kat!" Red Huntress cackled in a less than convincing evil laugh. One she cut abruptly as she saw the position the two were in. She narrowed her eyes behind her goggles.



"Red Huntress!" Huntsman gasped. "Here to steal another crime?"



"Yes! Because I am your part-Er, nemesis!" Red Huntress growled. "How DARE you dally with a new villainess!"



"What?! No, we-we just met!" Huntsman protested, trying to pull away from Eidolon. The wily cat-themed burglar held on more tightly and smirked at Red Huntress.



"Don't think of it as dallying. He's trading up! There's a NEW supervillainess in town, Red Huntress! One with moral ambiguity and complexity which makes for far more interesting adventures! Isn't that right, Huntsman~?"



"Errr," Huntsman tried, but Red Huntress scoffed.



"PLEASE! You're a Janey-Come-Lately! You'll NEVER have what we have! Now go run along to your litter box!"



"That's racist!"



"Oh! I'm sorry, are you an actual feline faunus under that mask?" Red Huntress asked, looking very apologetic. Eidolon blushed brightly.



"N-No! Of course not! But it could still be offensive to Feline Faunus!"



"Well GOOD! I'm trying to BE offensive to you, you-you...!" Red Huntress's face turned red and she forced herself to say the next word.



"Skank!"



Eidolon gasped.



"WHORE!"



"BITCH!"



"SLUT!"



The two supervillainesses lunged at eachother, engaging in what could be a very literal catfight (if one of them was a feline Faunus, of course). Huntsman just gaped in astonishment at the leather clad violence. Wonder Zwei trotted up and watched this conflict.



"Arf."



"Oil? Chocolate sauce?!" Huntsman demanded. "No Wonder Zwei, come now! That's demeaning to women everywhere!"



"Arf."



"Well no, I didn't ask if it would be demeaning-" Huntsman sighed as he heard police sirens. "Hey hey! Break it up you two!"



Both supervillainesses stood up and glared at each other.



"You can't keep him to yourself, Red Huntress," Eidolon growled, "I'm gonna steal him and do things you'll have to clear out a hundred browser histories to remove!"



"Like hell you will, you WHORE!" Red Huntress snarled. Eidolon threw down a smoke bomb, filling the room. Huntsman and Wonder Zwei donned their trusty air filter masks and scanned down as the smoke died away. Huntsman sighed-Eidolon was long gone.



"Well, guess we'll have to pick up her trail again, Wonder Zwei," Huntsman stated, his mood grim but determined. He turned around. "We'll start with-BWAH!"



Red Huntress stood in the doorway, glaring at him. Huntsman scowled.



"Why didn't you run off?!"



"Because... I mean..." She hesitated. "Am... Am I still your number one nemesis?"



She sounded so concerned over that. Huntsman did feel a pang of compassion. Perhaps Red Huntress was just... Lost. In need of guidance to return to the path of righteousness.



"Bringing you to justice and turning you to a better path than crime is my number one priority, Red Huntress," he growled, "You're always important to me."



Red Huntress... Squealed, before she threw down a smoke bomb and ran off with a happy smile. Huntsman and Wonder Zwei coughed-They had pulled off their gas masks too soon.



"Geez... What's with her?" Huntsman gagged.



"Arf."



"You said it, Wonder Zwei. Women are indeed crazy."



"Arf."



"Well no, it's not offensive when you call them that, but it is when I do!"



- - -



Because this silly idea wouldn't leave me alone until I'd shared it. Hope you enjoyed. And what are other adversaries the Huntsman might encounter with Wonder Zwei at his side?

 

[AndrewJTalon]

Jaune thought through his options as he ran through Beacon's campus. Some seemed more appealing than others.



He could always become a doctor, like his mom wanted. Run away and go on to medical school. His mom might not even be too mad with him.



He could go work with his sister Tangy. He could fight now, and she ran a paramilitary company. Though for tax purposes it was a private security and merchant banking firm.



He could join his sister Aqua. Her little company always needed extra muscle, right? He could hit something with a sword, unlike their main tank!



Though it seemed like it was some kind of harem thing and while Kazuma seemed cool? Jaune was just not into that sort of thing. Jokes about being a femboy had taken their toll growing up and he might have been... Super straight or something?



He was very comfortable in his masculinity, enough that he could wear a dress and do other 'girly' things without batting an eye, but still! A man had to have his limits!



"Jaune!"



Of course, all of that relied on him getting to a Bullhead before Yang caught and killed him. Given he heard her yelling behind him, that was not a sure bet.



"Crap crap crap!"



He sprinted for the ruins just outside the grounds. Maybe he could hide there. Live off of squirrels like a mountain man! Yeah! His Uncle Robin had lived on a deserted island for years living off of seals! He could do the same! But with squirrels!



"JAUNE!" She roared again. Jaune gulped and looked over his shoulder. There she was, boosting her jumps with Ember Celica, her eyes burning red as her hair glowed like fire. She was still wearing the apron, too.



Oh Breaker I'm gonna die to my fantasy! His mind wailed. He dove for cover behind a fallen marble pillar, just as she landed nearby with a boom!



"JAUNE ARC! GET OUT HERE!"



There was murder in her voice. Jaune gulped. He reconsidered his options.



He could A: cower behind this marble pillar until she found and killed him, or B: Meet her head on like a man.



Well... If I am to die...



He very slowly stood up. He turned to face the raging Yang. He took a deep breath. And another. Breathing really was underappreciated. You didn't realize how important it was until you were about to stop. He looked Yang right in the eyes.



Knowing that death was imminent and there was nothing he could do was... Strangely freeing. A kind of calm fell over him, even as his brain was filled with frantic thoughts.



All right... You're the tactical genius, His brain said, What do we do?



"I'm not sorry for kissing you," he stated.



WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?! His brain shouted. YOU MORON!



THAT WAS YOUR IDEA! Jaune thought back furiously.



Yang's cheeks... Turned bright red.



"I... You...!" She sputtered.



"I am sorry for being too forward," Jaune continued, "I should have asked you to dinner first before I got that familiar with you."



Yang's jaw dropped. Her eyes turned back to lilac and her hair died down.



"I-I uh... Um... It was... Surprising," Yang managed, sounding nervous.



Jaune blinked.



"Wait... Was that your first kiss-?"



"LIKE HELL IT WAS!" Yang denied angrily, eyes glowing red and hair blazing like the sun's corona, "I-I'M VERY EXPERIENCE IN KISSING!"



Jaune flushed. Yang's blush got brighter.



"N-NOT THAT I'M A SLUT!"



"I-I didn't think that!" Jaune insisted. "Y-You look super pretty and wholesome when you're in an apron cooking! Th-That's why I kissed you!"



Yang gaped.



"SUPER pretty and wholesome!" Jaune added. "Like, the most wholesome-!"



"SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!" Yang shouted. She breathed hard, as Jaune stood petrified.



Silence fell for a moment, only the sound of Yang's aura blazing in the air. After a moment, she cleared her throat.



"So... Um... Dinner, right?"



Jaune blinked.



"What?"



"Dinner... You... You said you'd only kiss me... If I got dinner with you... Right?" Yang asked quietly, not quite meeting his eyes. Jaune blinked.



"... Yes?"



"Well... You owe me dinner. You're paying!" Yang growled.



"... Saturday night?" Jaune asked.



"Yeah! That... That works for me," Yang managed. She turned away with a blush. "You'd better dress nice."



"I-I will," Jaune said with a nod. Yang nodded back.



"Good..."



She walked off. Jaune watched her go in silence.



When he could no longer see her, he slumped to the grass and shook his head.



"Wait... What?!"